kotofvi

[kotofvi]

#OOC #l: mobile lion; #MY WIFEEEEEYYYYYY

[kotofvi]

Well, since I got caught lurking-- Update time I suppose. I had a ministroke a few weeks ago! I'm only 31 but boi apparently that's a thing I can check off my 2023 bingo card! Also here's the smallest spark plug I've ever seen in my life to try to make this a little better. I'm thinking about starting everything over from scratch to get back on here. I'm not entirely sure yet. It's been an incredibly fucked up two years but alas, I genuinely miss writing so much its unreal. People are still following me randomly and sending me messages. I just have no energy to be here yet though.

I promise I'm trying! It's just still taking time to get my shit together. Apparently I need to not stress as much? Dunno what caused the mini stroke yet but that could be because the neurologist, cardiologist and MRIs are all booked out to February. (Thanks merica.) Anyhow, im still present. If you need me feel free to message me any time! I may take a minute to respond, I mean I went back to work literally the day after I had a mini stroke if that tells you anything pfft-- but I will respond!

#ooc #l: mobile lion; #l: munface; #health issues //

[kotofvi]

mY LEO?

MY BABY LEO?

LEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO????

MY WIFEEEEEEEYYYYYY!!!!!! I MISSED YOOOOOU!!!!! 💜💜💜💜 YEEE I LIVEEEEEE!!!Sporadically so far at least until I get a break from work and life pfft.

#ooc

[kotofvi]

Anyhow, I gotta get ready to go to the smash room with the bestie so here's a pretty paint i mixed at work and my face for proof of life.

#OOC; #L: Munface;

[kotofvi]

They changed everything again-- DAMN IT NOW I GOTTA LEARN HOW TO FORMAT ON THIS ONE!!! Screeches into the void

#OOC

[kotofvi]

So, I’m not dead or anything! I’m doing a lot better as of late, but this weekend is gonna be a rough one. I do plan on coming back once I get settled into myself a little more though! I know some folks are probably wondering “Yooo what the actual fuck happened? Did you just like, die and forget about us?” Nah, a lot of shit happened. Long story short: I lost everything I owned aside from my work clothes and the few things I had kept at my sister’s house. So I went into full shut down mode and basically just started working more and more until I had no time for myself or anything else. I did not wish to burden anyone and felt inconsolable due to all of the losses I suffered quite literally over the span of two weeks. But! Like I said, doing better after a year and it took months out of that to semi-get my shit together.

Now if you wanna know everything, here’s the long story: 

Okay, so my POS step father that I have been financially taking care of for years decided every dime I handed to him for RENT would not make it into the hands of the landlord. I had been living with my sister for a year in another city an hour away from work because his alcoholism had gotten to be horrid and I couldn’t handle it anymore, but I was still paying all of the bills in both houses. Hence why I became less frequent around here. To shorten it up a bit, I lost everything I owned because of these actions due to not being able to enter the house due to him destroying it in that year to a level where it was actually deemed unsafe to enter the premises. He was cheating on my mother as well, stole 1800$ from me when I gave him my phone and my card to get essentials one day and used that to stage an elaborate engagement party to the side bitch and post it on facebook where she could see it.  I lost the truck I had been working on for a decade to customize, I lost all of my electronics because I hadn’t been able to get them out and left in a hurry and to spite me, when I did go back for my laptop one day; he’d poured beer on it and threw it in a litter box so it wasn’t useable anymore. In the same week that all of this came to light and transpired, I also lost my dog Ace and was in a frenzy trying to find who had picked him up, found him and got him home safe, and also had to take my two other dogs to my friend’s house in the mountains. Not even a month later, one of my dogs (Thor) died from being bitten by a snake under the shed. A few months after that, my older dog (Paco, who was 17) died from old age. I was not able to be there for either one of them due to the circumstances I was in. My brother moved in with my sister and I moved in with a friend, I could not have them at her house so yeah.  Nothing would have helped me, as much as anyone could’ve tried, nothing would have made any of this better. I’d lost everything, my home, my dogs, my cats were given to a shelter and I couldn’t even look at my own family anymore. I couldn’t go to see my mother a few weeks after everything happened because she let him live there. He is still there, so I haven’t seen her since I went last time and broke a few fingers punching him as hard as I could. Guys, he didn’t even apologize. Not once. I gave him the chance before my dogs died to say something, anything, and instead; he said “well what do you want me to say?” Like bitch, maybe an apology??? Anyways, I was in such a bad way that as much as anyone would’ve wanted to help, it wouldn’t have made a difference. As it came to be when a couple of my friends thought they’d help by getting me to talk about it and otherwise giving me advice. I tried to say that I would put said advice to use when I could but alas, it only upset them further that I couldn’t do it then.  I get it, wanting to help is natural, but nothing would’ve made anything better. At that point, I was just genuinely lucky to still have some kind of will to live and get out of bed to go to work. No, that wasn’t me cutting anyone off or just saying fuck it either. I needed time. It took a year, I know, but I needed fucking time to consolidate my many immeasurable moments of grief, anger and pain. The people I did cut off were my family. Honestly, this whole ordeal made me lose some good friends too but if they couldn’t understand even after I explained to them that I needed time to get through it by myself, after knowing me for years and years, then perhaps it isn’t a bad thing. I wish them well, but if you’ve spent literal years with me then you know I best figure out things myself and that I need time to myself to work through things. Even if that’s weeks, months, or a year. Something extremely traumatic happened in multiple stages and at various levels of heinous, expecting me to just be there and exist is all anyone should’ve asked of me rather than expecting me to rely on people in an unfamiliar way. 

But anyways, to put some good into this: I live with my friend and former coworker who’s an amazing individual. She can’t deal with crying but she leaves cupcakes at the door whenever she hears it and asks if I wanna go to wally world to walk around afterwards. She understood that giving me time and space was necessary though and just let me do my own thing. She’s my best friend and an awesome person. Another person has helped me a lot in getting through this shit, found me having a whole ass break down in the paint booth at work and proceeded to just pat my shoulder and has since; decided that he is now my golden retriever level support with no braincells, only weird hobby support and entertaining my dumbass whims to go randomly vault myself off a bridge into a lake. (Surprise, he’s my boyfriend now after hanging around my espresso depresso self for a year. Still don’t know how that happened, he legit just decided we were dating and I agreed? Fucking mint.)  I’ve reached some level of happiness, still have my break downs and shit but I’m getting there. Tomorrow is father’s day though so I’m having a hell of a time trying to get through THAT. The level of rage I have is unreal right now, but y’know, shit happens I guess? I’m trying to keep with the typical policy I have of “Chuck it in the mcfuckit bucket and call it a day” but yee, I’ve decided on violence apparently due to this day. (Btw, if you have a shitty not-dad I’m y’er dad now, I love you and y’er doing great.) But to wrap this up, I’m getting there. It’s still gonna take a little time but I’m doing a lot better now. And yes, this is the short version, a lot more happened and shit like that but y’know, basics. 

#OOC; #I'm trying to remember my tags-- fuck #Animal death // #Alcoholism // #Long post //

[kotofvi]

Tries to make a comeback-- Gets Covid for the first time ever and lies in bed for days.

#OOC #L: Mobile Lion;

[kotofvi]

FUUUUUCK, I CAN’T EDIT REBAGELS WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!?!?! I’m so sorry D’: I’mma need whoever I’m writing with to not slay me and kill the rebagels as I post ‘cause bruh, this is madness and I am NOT ABOUT THIS LIIIIFE!! I need to fix tinytop or get a new laptop soon. I s2g this is how I’mma die. 

#OOC; #L: Tabletbound;

[kotofvi]

So, I dont have access to any of my stuff anymore and I’m basically stuck on a larger version of mobile-- That being said, anything I do will not be fancy and neat like it normally is and I will do my best to format but I’m not quite sure how to make that work on this yet. Please forgive me for now as I try to make some form of a return. 

#OOC #L: Tabletbound;

[kotofvi]

Me, going through my drafts and asks: 

#OOC #L: Tabletbound; #Gif //

[kotofvi]

There was also a dehydrated frog covered in sticky stuff on his feet that had to be treated, he just chilled on my shoulder till he was all good-- and puppies.

#OOC #L: Mobile Lion; #L: Munface;

[kotofvi]

Its amusing that I still get called a Disney prince (still deny it) and the first thing I post after literal months is a clip of me holding a wild bird, petting her and waiting for her to gather her bearings again.

She flew off into the night perfectly fine afterwards.

#OOC #L: Mobile Lion; #L: Munface; #Scars //

[kotofvi]

So another proof of life post i guess. My laptop said kaput, but I've got potentially another one on the way and also got a Bluetooth keyboard so maybe I'll be able to, yknow, come back and write! I hope all my lovely starlings are doing well! I've been saving stray birbs and petting all the doggos.

#OOC #L: Mobile Lion; #L: Munface; #Eye contact // #Teeth // #Scars //

[kotofvi]

Sooo, proof of life post I guess! I know its been like 4 months. My brother got married last weekend so I was in 14° weather for 3 days like right on the boarder of Canada, but it was worth it. Super cute tiny gay has unlocked a new level of gaydom and I'm super proud of him! 💜

#OOC #L: Mobile Lion; #L: Munface; #Eye contact //

[kotofvi]

happy petri dish day leo !!!!!

@solaoccasum

THANK YOU AMBIEEE!!!!! 💜💜💜💜

#OOC #L: Mobile Lion; #Gif //

[kotofvi]

I just realized my birthday is in two days jfc

#I legit thought i still had a week #OOC #L: Mobile Lion;

[kotofvi]

S’up, I’m not dead-- Proof of life post, I went to the dam and had some fun with lighting and swimming. Had a very rough month, but I’m alive I promise! So preemptive Munday shenanigans! 

#OOC #L: Mobile Lion; #L: Munface; #Eye contact // #Water // #Scars //