leedee013

[leedee013]

Push and Pull

[Instead of a WW for today, you all get (unfortunately only part of) a new project I started because I made myself emotional thinking about it. Thankfully it will be quite short.]

[Summary: Jean is an art major specializing in clay/pottery and goes through some introspection while working on things.]

[Enjoy!]

Jean frowned at the slab of clay sitting in front of him. He was certain that it was mocking him in its readiness to be shaped into something–anything–other than a cone, daring him to try and mold it into something else. Normally Jean handled taunting with a rough check or an even more scathing remark, but clay could not be insulted. It was literally part of the dirt. If he wasn't careful with how much water he applied to the cone, it could very easily become mud underneath his fingers. What kind of insult would be capable of hurting a clay heart? Jean knew that if he was struggling to think of an insult, that there likely were none that would be applicable.

Still, there was a peacefulness in the blank slate that the clay provided. A blank slate that he could always bring back, regardless of how many times the side of the pot caved or the clay slipped off the wheel or if he started the pot off center by accident. No matter what, he could always peel it off the wheel and start again. There was excitement in seeing what he’d be able to create out of the earth, and of seeing just how much the clay would reveal to him of its final purpose along the way. 

Jean Moreau always began his pottery projects with the same approach: by building solid walls that he could later adjust through pushing and pulling. When he’d first started making pottery he’d worried that his crooked fingers would hinder the process. That somehow, his hands would be too broken to properly shape the clay. As a result, his first pot had ended up with walls that were too thick and were uneven on top. And yet, when his professor presented the final, fired result, Jean could hardly believe that his lumpy, misshapen pot had been able to withstand its true test. 

He’d turned it over and over, searching for clues that it was a fake. He’d been convinced that there was no way that it was his project; after all, the professor had to have recreated it so that it would boost his confidence. Instead, as he’d reacquainted his hands with the clay and examined its curves and flaws, he realized that it fit perfectly in his misshapen hands. It was like holding a piece of himself─a single piece of the puzzle of his selfhood that had, until then, been lost. Then, he found the ghost of one of his fingerprints in the fired clay and all his doubts had been put to rest. 

It was still his favorite piece he’d created. It stood as proof to him that he wasn’t too broken to create something new, and on days when he doubted that fact, he would pick up the pot and turn it over once more in his hands and line his thumb up with the fingerprint.

He pulled the clay out in a bold curve, careful to stretch it in a way that would make it expand gradually, only to pinch it back in at a steeper slope. 

He’d improved with practice, of course. Soon he’d created bowls and cups and small vases. But for each project that he turned in, his professor would always say the same thing: he needed to work on making the walls thinner. But he’d refused to believe that he could handle anything thinner. He was convinced that his hands were meant for two things: hurting others, and being hurt. Already he’d proven that he could create, but convincing himself that he wouldn’t destroy something was another hurdle he had to overcome. 

It hadn’t been until his professor came to stand in front of the station where he’d been working that day and challenged him to create a bowl with a wall thinner than his pinkie. 

“But what if it folds on itself? What if it tears?” he’d asked. 

“Then you can scrape the clay off the wheel, wedge it, and start over. There’s no limit to it. You can always go back to the beginning. The clay doesn’t mind, and neither do I. As long as you lock up behind yourself when you leave the studio,” his professor had said with a shrug and a smirk.

Sure enough, he’d made the bowl too thin. It ended up tearing and folding in on itself in a pattern that almost resembled a ribbon. Jean had swallowed the defeat and followed his professor’s instructions, and the next time he’d pulled up the walls, he was almost able to maintain a consistent thickness in the walls throughout the entire bowl. 

Jean finished the vase by flaring out the top of the project, careful not to let the clay at the top of the piece get so thin that it wouldn’t be able to support its own weight. While other students in the art major program would typically get rid of the slip and any signs of the work being thrown on a wheel, Jean was careful to preserve the imperfections in the surface of his new vase. He was even more nervous to slide the wire under his project, especially given how much he liked how the vase had turned out. 

To keep his anxieties at bay, he shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and reminded himself that it was all temporary anyway. Nothing in the world is permanent, and this vase is no exception. But I can make it again, if I want to. It wouldn’t be the same, but I wouldn’t want it to be an exact replica anyway. Once he made peace with the fact that his work was only partially over, he slipped the wire through the clay as close to the base as possible, holding his breath the entire time. 

It came off the wheel cleanly, with only a thin layer left behind on the wheel that he scraped off and tossed back into the bin with the rest of the clay they used in class. Once his vase was set aside to air out for the next stage of its creation process, Jean plucked one of his projects that was nearer to completion from the shelf─a plain, relatively small tea cup─and brought it to one of the tables meant for detail work and for glazing. 

He was done with the glazing in less than thirty minutes, having picked a unique glaze that was designed to react to the firing process by changing hues and developing a melted appearance. 

Jean placed his completed project into the open kiln, whispering a quick prayer under his breath before shutting the lid. Part of him expected that each and every project of his that his professor put into the kiln wouldn’t survive the heat. And if that happened, it would take out the other projects around him as well. 

He’d told Betsy several times that he had the same fear about himself─that he would snap someday, and that it would mean that those around him would get hurt in the process.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

MASTERPOST

#lee's writing shenanigans #aftg #all for the game #aftg jean #jean moreau

[leedee013]

I’m sure this isn’t new info about me but still (I’m having a normal one today)

[leedee013]

i know i've said it before but i just. what i love so much about the all for the game series is that, as horrifically brutal as it is, it is so packed full of love. these characters love recklessly and deeply.

neil, dragging this disaster team together with desperation, and everyone rallying around him, giving him the best year of his life. they'd all kill and die for each other, but most importantly, they all live for each other. neil has spent his whole life ready to die, but because of his team, he's finally ready to live.

wymack, gruff as he is, giving a second chance at life to all the kids no one else wants. pulling them to their feet and next to them when they're not ready to stand on their own.

andrew, fiercely protecting his pack. being an unyielding and unfalteringly solid weight for them to lean against. demanding that they not give up on themselves. reminding them of who they are.

kevin, making everyone around him a little stronger. confronting his greatest fears because they all make him a little stronger in return. giving neil something to live for. giving jean a new beginning, a chance at a better life.

jean, already having given up on himself, but still trying to protect everyone else, even at the cost of his own safety. taking care of neil in the nest, sending someone to save zane even after being so awfully betrayed, looking out for cody. falling a little bit in love with everyone.

the rest of the foxes, overcoming disagreements an ocean-wide divide between them and coming out the other side loving each other so much they're willing to risk everything to stay together.

the trojans taking in jean despite everything they've heard, teaching him how to be his own person. keeping him alive. showing him all the little joys in life.

just. this is a series full of brutal, devastating torture and trauma, but it's even more full of love :')

[leedee013]

[leedee013]

we need more women who are just fucking losers

[leedee013]

which is definitely not an omen

[leedee013]

btw if you're annoyed with Google search giving you results for stuff that's similar to but not actually what you typed in, go to search tools, go to where it says "all results" and change that to "verbatim" and then it will search for what you actually asked for

why this is not the default is beyond me other than obvs enshittification but it has rescued a bunch of searches for me lately where the top results were completely unhelpful until i switched to that so. might be helpful for others

[leedee013]

[leedee013]

I'm a firm believer that this is what Andrew looks like a couple years after college when he's on that pro athlete training regimen. My boy is solid!!

[leedee013]

Reblogging would be a great help, but don’t feel pressured to

[leedee013]

i just found eiji's photo portfolio and...

all of the shots are so intimate and beautiful but ash looking at eiji so lovingly here- this illustration made me cry

this ash too, its so tender and domestic

eiji cut his hair after garden of light :,)

and his outfit here is one big reference to ash: white shirt and jeans, converse and he's also likely wearing ash's glasses

heres also the link for anybody who wants to see the full thing

ive been a bf fan for years and i never knew this existed until now! im so glad i found it, theyre such beautiful illustrations

i havent seen many people talking about these so here it is in case someone has yet to see it :)

[leedee013]

[leedee013]

now that i am a real adult i am starting to realise. media lied to me about the availability of rooftops to go hang out on. every day i wish i could be hanging out on a rooftop somewhere looking cool as fuck

[leedee013]

[leedee013]

i know people make these kinds of posts with fictional characters a lot but like. hank green truly is one of The Most Guys Ever. like. he's one of the earliest youtubers who is still on there. he's a 43-year-old tiktok star. he's a science educator. he got cancer and his response was to make a tier list of the press's coverage of his cancer announcement. the president of the united states sent him a message of support and he told the president that he was pissing out the cancer. years earlier he was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and his response was to write a polka song about it. he created vidcon. he's the ceo of a company that produces a shitton of educational series (well, not acting ceo at the moment due to the aforementioned cancer). his guitar says "this machine pwns n00bs" on it. he invented 2D glasses. one of his earliest videos to get popular was about animal sex. between him and his brother, he was known as "the science one" (or "the music one") while his brother was "the writer one," and then he wrote two new york times bestselling novels. his most controversial opinion is that butt is legs. he's done so many things that there is a website dedicated to counting the number of days since he started a new thing. he and his brother use their internet following to (among other things) fight maternal/infant mortality in sierra leone. he has a baked bean furby. hes even bisexual

[leedee013]

The End of All Things (1887)

— by Maximilian Pirner

[leedee013]

quick doodle of Laila and Cat from last night 🤓