lilycals115

[lilycals115]

#doing this for a week

[lilycals115]

reminders !!

you can't lose weight overnight, the same way you can't gain weight overnight. if you see a difference on the scale it's just water and other substances. you didn't actually gain 2 pounds of fat. so stop stressing over those 2 pounds. they are just water weight.

NO ONE NOTICES THE SAME THINGS YOU NOTICE WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR BODY. the first person that sees changes (both in weightloss and weightgain) IS U, and then your family.

one "bad day" won't ruin your progress. literally enjoy the freaking food cause you won't gain fat. IT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE

if you feel like binging tell yourself "i can eat all of this food anytime i want and whenever i want, just not all at once" (saw this on tt and it really helped me)

chew slowly and take at least 20 min to finish your meal. this way your brain will register that you are eating and it will get full faster.

calories in foods are NOT THE SAME. 100 kcals of apples are not the same as 100 kcals of pizza. make sure which one you would prefer

drink. your. water.

restriction leads to binging. if you wanna stop binging you MUST stop restricting. just eat less (but not A LOT less) that you would normally eat.

be mindful of what you are eating and don't use electronics while eating

[lilycals115]

𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗆𝖺𝗇𝗒 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗋𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝖺𝗅𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗒? 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝖻𝖾 𝖺𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗀𝗈𝖺𝗅 𝖻𝗒 𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗂𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗁𝖺𝖽𝗇’𝗍 𝗀𝗂𝗏𝖾𝗇 𝗎𝗉 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗌𝗍 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝖼𝖾.

[lilycals115]

once when we were out to eat together at one of my favorite restaurants, my boyfriend told me how i "gorge myself" when we eat here. he immediately apologized and said it was a poor choice of words, and he just meant that i often eat until im uncomfortably full here which was true. but god did it make me feel like a pig. he didnt mean it that way, and i believe him when he says it was a mistake bc he likes to use less common words to sound smarter. but i think about it a lot and i guess its good motivation to watch my food portions especially around him.

i’m curious: what is everyone’s Shitty Weight-Related Comment that’s permanently ingrained in your mind to this day?

for me, i was like 13 jumping on a trampoline with my childhood best friend and she told me that her grandma called me fat. i cried about it at the time and it definitely fucked me up to the point where i still feel sick thinking about it literally years later

[lilycals115]

//rant

god im such a fucking cow. i hate being the size i am in american society. im not fat enough to be able to call myself fat without getting shit for it, but im not skinny enough to not be criticized about how much i eat. don't get me wrong, im glad im not bigger bc i would not be as mentally stable as i am rn but its so hard not being able to talk irl with anyone about hating my body and hating how food and my weight dictate everything in my life. im friends with stick thin woke "body positive" activists who all eat an almond a day and all have these dietary restrictions or preferences that TOTALLY aren't just excuses for their own disordered eating. but i cant even say "its not fair" because it doesnt even matter. thats the way life works, yet i still keep making the choice to gorge myself everyday and never make any progress. ive been losing and gaining the same 3 pounds since fucking september. and i do it to myself, there's no one i can blame. i feel so fucking pointless in being angry at how my skinny friends are allowed to eat like freaks with no repercussions because the reason thats fine is because theyre skinny and im fat. skinny people can just get away with more shit than farm animals like me. i'm surprised ive held a boyfriend for this long. im surprised he doesn't go limp at the sight of his blimp of a girlfriend. and if he's not turned off by the size of me, he should definitely reconsider dating me because of how much of an asshole i've turned into since befriending ana.

thats another thing: im so goddamn mean now. i used to be so sweet. fat people are jolly i guess. i used to not bat an eye at ppl who were overweight but now my first thoughts are just spiteful and bitter. i get really upset when i find myself thinking like this because i Know that my mindset for myself should never be applied to other people who i know nothing about. but im constantly involving other people into my eating disorder silently in my head. i compare how skinny or fat my friends are with myself and with each other. they'll think im just staring off into space when im just body checking all of them and i get these moments when i just feel like scum for involving people who never asked to be my thinspo or fatspo.

i have no point to this. im just so frustrated with myself and i need to eat so much less. i ate so much soup at my work today, my dad made me try some of his chili, i had a starbucks cake pop, and i had leftover pasta. i didnt feel my stomach growl at all today. i was never hungry, i just shoved shit in my face.

[lilycals115]

thankfully im at like 142 now but god losing this weight has been so difficult. it used to just melt right off after a week or two of restricting but now its so much more stubborn. by august i want to be 130-135

dreaded family activities, theres so much food surrounding graduation season. last night we had a massive dinner full of meat and bread and cheesecake for dessert, this morning we're having a big family breakfast with pancakes biscuits and gravy bacon eggs and sausages its like grease galore. and im hanging out with my boyfriend today so he's gonna want to see me eat too. why cant people just let me starve in peace

[lilycals115]

dreaded family activities, theres so much food surrounding graduation season. last night we had a massive dinner full of meat and bread and cheesecake for dessert, this morning we're having a big family breakfast with pancakes biscuits and gravy bacon eggs and sausages its like grease galore. and im hanging out with my boyfriend today so he's gonna want to see me eat too. why cant people just let me starve in peace

#4na #4norex1a #thinsp0 #4na tw #sweetsp0 #4na diary #pro 4 me not 4 thee #th!n$p0 #th!nsp0

[lilycals115]

finally back down to 145, cant stop now!! i wanna be 10-15 pounds down by early to mid july so i can eat about 1000 calories a day and make sure to stay on top of working out and slowly but surely i will make it!!

#4na #4norex1a #thinsp0 #4na tw #sweetsp0 #4na diary #pro 4 me not 4 thee #th!n$p0 #th!nsp0

[lilycals115]

does it seriously gross anyone else out whenever you watch someone eat and they stick their tongue out while bringing the fork to their mouth? like they're so worried about something dropping some of their food that they need to make a landing pad for it, its just so fucking gross to me. i see it most when i watch those "WIEIAD as a fat person" videos with the fat white women with no lips and it's seriously enough to make me want to vomit

#4na #4norex1a #thinsp0 #4na tw #sweetsp0 #4na diary #pro 4 me not 4 thee #th!n$p0 #th!nsp0

[lilycals115]

day 1 of omad for 2 weeks, just had abt 600-700 cals of chipotle and i wont eat again until 2pm tomorrow ! whats good is that i work tomorrow so i probably wont even have time to think about eating until then anyways. i plan on running/jogging on the treadmill for 30 mins today, idc how long i run or walk for as long as i go for 4 miles <3

i weighed in at 147 today so im hoping to be back at 144-145 by the end of these 2 weeks

#4norex1a #sweetsp0 #th!n$p0 #th!nsp0 #4norexi4 #egospo #st4rving #th!n$piration

[lilycals115]

🍵☁️🦇✨🥂🥝🪐

Weight loss spell to lose 20+ lbs by July

🍵☁️🦇✨🥂🥝🪐

Like to charge, reblog to cast

[lilycals115]

Keep pushing, you're not dying

Keep pushing, it's worth it

Keep pushing, you're almost there

Keep pushing

[lilycals115]

Just wanted to share this account with y’all

They make amazing under 100cal recipes that are amazing if you’re craving sweet stuff

:)

[lilycals115]

things i’ve learned in 14 years of ed life and need to remind myself every once and awhile: (really it’s been almost 18, but the most severe years were between the ages of 14-28)

1. don’t set a date to lose weight by. you’ll sabotage yourself. instead, set a goal weight, and a plan to meet that goal, and give yourself time to meet it.

2. don’t punish yourself for slipping and eating. you’re human. you need food to survive. you’re starving yourself. you’re going to break your fast one day. or “forget” you’re restricting one day because you saw something that looked sooo damn good and you ate it without even realizing. you’re going to go over your calorie limit once and awhile. you’re going to binge. it’s inevitable.

3. learn how to curb the binges. just cause you start, doesn’t mean it’s too late to stop. if you eat 100 calories, don’t turn it into 1000. you can burn off the extra 100-500cals way easier than 5000.

4. learn your triggers. avoid them.

5. just exercising doesn’t work well. just starving yourself doesn’t work well. you need to restrict AND work out. seriously. the results are in and i just lost 35lbs in 3 months. like my drs MA that weighed me saw the red line and exclamation mark that i’d lost 20% of my body weight in 3 months and she flipped out. my weight loss has slowed a little the last 2-3 weeks and it’s 100% because i stopped exercising as much when school started. i usually walk 3 miles every morning on the track after i drop my son off at daycare. it’s my lifeline. if i don’t walk the track every morning now i get super pissy, shit gets bad, and i either gain weight or plateau. restricting and working out work wayyyy better if you do them together.

6. drink water! i know everyone says this. but everyone says this for a reason. it keeps your tummy full so you eat less food, it helps flush everything out, it helps keep your digestive system running, it helps keep your face clear, it helps keep the headaches down, it helps you lose weight… water is just super good for you and you should drink it. but don’t drink too much. if you dilute your body too much, you can kill yourself. literally. if you drink too much water (e.g. 2-3 gallons in under an hour) you’ll die. so don’t drink that much. but, ya know… a gallon, or a gallon and a half spread out over a day is good.

7. allow yourself a treat every once and awhile. not a binge. not an unhealthy treat. it doesn’t even have to be a food treat. but give in once and awhile. get your nails done, take a fun class, make something, draw something, have an ice cream cone. do give yourself the opportunity to indulge in something. or else you become bitter and resentful.

8. once a week, up your calories by at least 200-500. it’ll kickstart your metabolism and you’ll lose weight faster. just don’t keep up the higher calorie count for more than ONE DAY or you’ll start gaining again. but one of those days every couple weeks is great to avoid a plateau.

9. when your clothes start getting really baggy, buy a smaller size. there’s nothing quite as rewarding as going from a large to a small. i just made the switch a few weeks ago and it’s amazing.

10. feel your b0ne3. rub your hands over your r1b3, your h1pb0n3s, your c0llarb0n3s look at your thigh gap.. get on tumblr, look at th1nsp0, it’ll keep you motivated.

11. take lots of pictures. it’s great to look back and see the progression from fat and gross to being skinny and beautiful 🥰

12. stay safe ♥️

all pics in this post are me ☺️

[lilycals115]

starting to like the feeling of hunger again

[lilycals115]

vent warning!!

i've recently been spiraling into a pretty bad mindset and i have barely been losing any weight. yesterday, my boyfriend and our friends all went out to a restaurant together. and all of yesterday until we went to eat i had been saving my calories so i wouldnt worry as much whenever i was eating in front of other people. everyone else was full or finished with their food before me and i made a comment about how it feels like everyone was just staring at me while i was eating (in a joking manner, but i was uncomfortable). the conversation moved on to how good the food was here and i made a comment like "yeah im starting to feel full but its just so good" and then my boyfriend told me to slow down because everytime we eat here i eat too much and then my stomach hurts. and then he said "you gorge yourself" and i felt my heart break immediately. he also immediately apologized saying that wasnt the word he meant to say but god i was really upset about it. this is the same boyfriend who was "concerned" when he saw me tracking calories and who claims that he loves my body the way it is, yet when i actually Am eating well he tells me im gorging myself in front of all our friends. i know he apologized but that really has a big affect on me. i guess its a good thing because now i have absolutely no appetite but i just wish that i had one person in my life who doesnt mention my weight or eating habits. i wish everyone would just leave me be.

#4na #4norex1a #thinsp0 #4na tw #sweetsp0 #4na diary #pro 4 me not 4 thee #th!n$p0 #th!nsp0

[lilycals115]

its been a while since ive updated!

ive been slacking for quite some time and ive gained back around 5 pounds and felt like shit. i wasnt counting calories for a while and i was going out and eating a lot with friends and it was really difficult to restrain myself. i could feel just how fat i was but it wasnt enough disgust to push me to get back on track until this week. i spend all of today with my boyfriend and he caught me looking at calories and tracking them and got pretty disappointed in me. its so difficult sticking to calorie tracking because its so embarrassing. he can eat whatever he wants and his ribs still show and his thighs dont touch. he got upset with me and i had to explain that im not going below a dangerous amount or restriction (even though some days i definitely am) and i hope that in the coming days when we hang out he doesn't worry about me not finishing food or my tummy rumbling.

i know that he means well and i know he doesnt want me hurting myself, but im not starving. i would be starving if i didnt have about 40 pounds of food stored on me. i eat enough to not be weak so im still able to go to work and hang out and be physically okay. but if i dont track calories i just gain weight.

i couldnt track all of my calories to the dot today, but i've estimated that its around 800-900 ish. and im gonna stay hungry tomorrow too even if it upsets my boyfriend. someday soon it will be worth all the tears and hardship. i wont have to live in this blubbery gelatinous body for much longer. if i restrict enough i should hit 130 by june and by the end of the year be much closer to my ugw. im going to keep up the hard work :)!!

#4na #4norex1a #thinsp0 #4na tw #sweetsp0 #4na diary #pro 4 me not 4 thee #th!n$p0 #th!nsp0