lorenpala88

[lorenpala88]

Raul Esparza is 😍

#raul esparza #rafael barba #law and order svu

[lorenpala88]

Mi pueblo

[lorenpala88]

My favorite ADA’s

#raul esparza #rafael barba #law and order svu #peter scanavino #sonny carisi

[lorenpala88]

🥵🥵🥵

#peter scanavino #law and order svu #older daddy

[lorenpala88]

They’re so hot

#raul esparza #peter scanavino

[lorenpala88]

#law and order svu #peter scanavino #mariska hargitay #ice t

[lorenpala88]

Legends

#raul esparza #law and order svu #mariska hargitay

[lorenpala88]

That smile

#raul esparza #law and order svu #rafael barba

[lorenpala88]

FRIENDSHIP GOALS

[lorenpala88]

[lorenpala88]

Mañana hará mejor tiempo

[lorenpala88]

I am writing a memoir

More to come as I continue writing 1988.

19

The first time I felt depressed, worthless, confused and angry with myself was when I was 19 and just started college. To put into perspective, I came from a town of about 34,000 people and I went to the still oldest functioning high school in the state, Manitowoc Lincoln High School in Wisconsin. Back then it only had 10-12 grade but it was a total of 1,200 students. My graduating class was 407 people. That’s more than the total students enrolled in other schools around the state. I had the typical high school experience to an extent but not the drama as one could put it. I studied hard and had a few close friends. But I wanted to study International Politics and was accepted to Brown and waitlisted at Georgetown but the out of state tuition was too expensive. I had been awarded several scholarships for my academic achievements and decided to study at a junior college, back then it was just UW Manitowoc. For those that may not know, a junior or technical college is one that you study for your associates degree (60 credits) and then you transfer to a four year college and obtain a bachelors degree. This background is relevant because up until early 2023 I had been close to some people who studied with me after I went to UW Stevens Point. I wanted to take this time to mention that I am not calling anyone out or trying to bring up these memories to hurt anyone. This was my first experience of feeling like it was me who something wrong, I must have, otherwise why did they treat me like shit?

Fall 2007 was an integral time for me, I had become friends with a few people who were from different areas around Wisconsin. They were friendships that seemed to click right from the get go. However, after a few months and two of them becoming a couple, things began to change. As I stated before, I didn’t deal with the typical high school drama between friends but this seemed to be that but with a bunch of 19 year olds. Back then, I believed that all the drama ended once you left high school. The jealousy, altruism and side-eyes were something I wasn’t familiar with but I was about to find out. I became close to the one other friend in our group of four but by spring break of 2008 we were two and two. It was a mix of being naive and not knowing what the fuck I did wrong. My Dad would ask what happened as my grades started to slip and I isolated myself in my room. I went from a 3.7 GPA the first semester to barely passing with a 2.3. Again, I didn’t know what I did to suddenly be treated as if I had the Bubonic Plague and was told to “grow a backbone” because I was a pushover.

The friend who I had become closer with while all this was happening had a brother who graduated from UW Stevens Point and we even visited him and he told me more about that school. I just wanted to get out and applied to transfer mid semester—I was rejected due to enrollment capacity and it being harder to transfer mid semester than if it was summer or winter. I had to suck it up and say fuck it. I wanted to keep believing that things would go back to how they were. We were young and so much was going on…

Eventually things somehow got better and those people began to treat me better. I still didn’t know what I did wrong or why I deserved to be pushed out slowly without any reason. I know that now that it wasn’t my fault. I’m not a person to hold grudges but I don’t forget. I promised myself after that I would never let anyone make me feel how I did that year.

Everyone is beautiful, everyone has their story and has their own light that deserves to shine. For a while my light was dim and was put out because I thought for the longest time that “I was the problem. I must have done something to anger these people and that I deserved what was coming to me.” But I didn’t.

We tend to say we wish we knew now back then to protect ourselves. But we can’t always fix that and sure, one may argue that we were young. However, nobody deserves to feel like they’re a burden. Talk, don’t judge and if your told “You know what you did” speak up and say “Then why don’t you tell me?”

I know that I’m worth it, I’m beautiful and I’m me. You’re not alone. Confide in someone you know. 15 years have passed and I’m better than I have ever been mentally and physically. Technology changes but certain human traits never will. The old saying “Sticks and stones will…but words will never hurt me.” They do.

[lorenpala88]

So sexy

#raul esparza #law and order svu #rafael barba #nostalgia

[lorenpala88]

He fucking gets better with age.

#rafael barba #raul esparza #nostalgia #law and order svu

[lorenpala88]

Legit made my day. That hug

#raul esparza #rafael barba #mariska hargitay #law and order svu #twenty five years

[lorenpala88]

He’s also sexy , Peter Scanavino

[lorenpala88]

Him in a suit is just 🫠

#raul esparza #handsome #dinner #murder at the end of the world