maevearcher

[maevearcher]

the 2nd half of death note should've just gone full comedy complete with a laugh track and had these two dissing each other the whole time

[maevearcher]

#definitely marry #he's my one and only #hugs and kisses are a given after that #but I want him for life

[maevearcher]

List of Extremely Cursed Knowledge

Having autism and ADHD is a blessing and a curse because on one hand, I’m basically a walking encyclopedia of random facts and information. On the other hand, a fair amount of that information is so fucked up that it’s not socially acceptable to share it with anyone. So naturally, I took every fucked up fact, every bit of twisted trivia, every bit of cursed knowledge that I could come up with off the top of my head and compiled it into one big list to post on the internet. Some of this information may permanently ruin your (you, the reader) perception of certain things. None of this information should have ever seen the light of day, and a fair amount of it was never, ever meant to be known by humans.

You cannot unlearn anything on this list. This is your chance to scroll past.

You have been warned.

\/ \/ \/

According to FDA standards, a jar of peanut butter is allowed to have up to seven (7) rat hairs before it’s considered unfit for human consumption. If it has 7 or less rat hairs it will still be sold in stores.

If I just ruined peanut butter for you, don’t google the FDA regulations on any other foods you enjoy.

Human teeth have 36 calories each.

The average human body has roughly 125,000 calories. This is actually relatively low, which makes cannibalism in humans generally unsustainable.

Human meat tastes like pork.

Penguins have been observed practicing necrophilia.

Dolphin vaginas secrete a substance that acts like an aphrodisiac on steroids. When scientists swabbed some of it on a chimpanzee’s penis, it masturbated so furiously that it had a heart attack and died.

Dolphins have been known to intentionally commit suicide if kept in poor conditions.

Scientists that work with cockroaches often become allergic due to exposure. Simultaneously, they also develop an allergy to chocolate and pre-ground coffee. Make of that what you will.

Dolphins have been observed masturbating using decapitated fish heads.

Dolphins have been observed getting high on pufferfish venom recreationally, sometimes even passing a pufferfish around like a joint.

There’s a LOT of rape across the entire animal kingdom. Like, a LOT. It’s especially prevalent in dolphins, otters, ducks, penguins, and primates, to name a few.

On a related note, female ducks have corkscrew shaped vaginas. Male ducks also have corkscrew shaped penises that measure in at a whopping eighteen inches.

The barnacle has the largest penis to body size ratio in the animal kingdom, with its penis being up to eight times as long as its body.

Chimpanzees have been observed using frogs as a fleshlight.

A disembodied human head weighs about 10-12 lbs and is balanced in such a way that requires you to use both hands to pick up.

Pigs will eat every single part of a corpse - including bones. In 2012 a farmer in Oregon was eaten by his pigs after having a heart attack and falling in their enclosure. This also makes pig pens a prime spot for dumping bodies.

A body will decompose faster if you fill the rectal cavity with yogurt before burying it

When burying a body, make sure to bury it in a heavily wooded area. If vegetation is too sparse and/or the body isn’t buried deep enough, it will be easily noticeable after a few months because plants will grow in much thicker directly above where the body was buried.

You cannot bury a body in sand, as sand is too porous. The smell will seep through and give away the location

The entire universe could theoretically exist as a false vacuum and collapse into nothingness at any moment without warning.

Any alien civilization advanced enough to detect life on earth is also probably advanced enough to destroy our entire planet almost immediately. At the peak of interstellar technology, the only limiting factor is the speed of light. If they decided to attack, we probably wouldn’t even know it was coming until the entire surface of the planet was already vaporized.

It takes three and a half rotations to fully detach a human head from its body.

Recently deceased bodies can experience rigor erectus, which translates to “death boner.” This is especially common in victims of hanging, as it’s primarily caused by trauma to the cerebellum or spinal cord.

There is an extremely real chance that you have unknowingly purchased a product that was made by modern day slaves at least once in your life. Coffee, cotton, fish, clothes, shoes, and technology are among the most vulnerable industries.

A decapitated head remains conscious for several seconds after separated from the body.

The entire koala population across Australia is currently undergoing a major chlamydia epidemic. It’s actually been extremely devastating for them and they’re currently facing the threat of extinction because of it.

[maevearcher]

Gosh i love how he looks here....😍😍😍

the way it ends.

#death note #l lawliet #death note musical

[maevearcher]

Alright, so, let's see..... Headcanons meant to knock L off his pedestal of "eighth wonder of the world", "mister perfect at anything he does".

-Has horrible handwriting (sure, he wrote ok in Japanese, but that's how it is when you learn the symbols from scratch). In regular alphabet....let's say it's better that he types most of the time.

- He cannot drive, not that he needs to, not that he couldn't learn if he needed, but somehow his ability to focus is of such a nature that, while he can handle 1000 ideas coming at him all at once, traffic is another matter. That's why the helicopter was alright, cause there was no traffic up there.

- Plus, he's colorblind. White tee and jeans are safe option, cause they are sure to match, no need to fret over what shirt goes well with anything else.

- He can swim decent enough as to stay alive and not sink like a rock, but that's about it for water prowess.

- He doesn't like to read fiction, but he likes audiobooks or if I read to him.

- In the same line, he likes instrumental music, plays the piano, but he can't sing well, apart from humming a bit.

- Weirdly enough, he doesn't really like maths. Sure, he's good with data, but it's the human element, the psychological focus that interests him. Maths or physics per se are boring. Especially 3D geometry, which was always his weak subject.

....might add later , lol

#l lawliet #death note #l death note #death note imagination #just weird overactive imagination #m.muses #death note oc #death note l #l lawliet headcanons

[maevearcher]

(📷📷template on pinterest📱📱)

#oh hell yes #L would sooo swipe for the rest of the embarrassing stuff #and i can totally see this no but like all of it

[maevearcher]

...you know what's interesting, apart from us being able to basically HC whatever we want, because hey, that's our freedom..

It's so interesting that we tend to HC our favs to be good at, or at least interested in, what we ourselves like. Rinne and Lei, you both love drawing, so that's a treasured HC of yours, and fully valid for it.

....but you know what I'd like? I'd want to think of two things... One, things that he'd be good at, but I would Not like.... And Two, things he would really suck at (because hey, we're making him way too perfect here, good at anything he picks up)

idk if it's just me but I think L would be pretty good at drawing. Probably simplistic, but realistic at the same time. He's probably pretty familiar with human anatomy because of his job, and he's probably had to do sketches of suspects based off of witness testimony at some point in some case, considering he's often a one-man team.

And, you know, drawing can be relaxing. I think he'd also find drawing people would kind of help him, like, understand their character? I don't know how to word it bbbfbf but yeah I think L would have some degree of interest and talent in art. though very little time to do it.

#Death Note #L Lawliet #let's take him off that damned pedestal #humanize him in ways that don't involve mushiness - but rather imperfections

[maevearcher]

[maevearcher]

TAIKUTSU

Fic Type !! : Oneshot/ Reversed Comfort / Angst

Pairing !! : Near x reader

CW !! : None, Established relationship, Reader knows about Nears found family (L, Mello, etc.)

Summary !! : Near's helps you solve a puzzle, in exchange, you give him some much-needed comfort.

Note !! : Death Note soundtrack is immaculate / Near is aged 27 in this one ^^

✦ MASTERLIST

It was around 1 am when Near frustratedly dropped the files on the floor in front of him, he was getting nowhere due to the lack of details of the case he was currently trying to solve. You were in the middle of solving a puzzle next to him, making sure to keep quiet so as to not disturb him. You laid on your stomach and rested your chin on your palm as you silently bit your lip in confusion. The white-haired detective looked at your puzzle, it was one he'd solved many times in his younger years ー he could solve it in 3 minutes. He thought the expression on your face when you were deep in thought was cute though, so he didn't try to help.

Until you tugged on his sleeve of course.

"Bunny, can you help me?" A small smile tugged on his lips hearing the nickname fall off your tongue. He recalled how you justified it the first time you used it, saying, 'Your hair's white, just like a bunny's fur.' Since then, he accepted the term of endearment and rather welcomed it. He looked at the puzzle in front of you and then at the scrambled pieces besides the corner parts that you'd finished. He then started to connect the pieces to one another seemingly without any effort.

"I finished the sides for you, here." He took his gaze away from the blank puzzle and turned it towards you, but you were already looking at him, there was affection in your eyes ー he could tell by the way you seemed bashful when he caught you looking. "Is there something on my face?" the detective asked.

"Yeah, this." You playfully smiled as you leaned in to plant a kiss on his cheek. Near's tired eyes widened a little at your gesture.

"What was that for?"

You shrugged, "Can't I just kiss my man 'cuz I wanna?" You looked back at the blank puzzle, trying to find the pieces that would fit together. Beside you, Near could feel blood rushing to his cheeks and warmth fill his heart. He scoffed a little, a smirk present on his face.

He laid the back of his head on your back, sighing in content. "How's the case going?" you asked him, your eyes still on the puzzle.

"Mm." He didn't sound too excited about it. ".. There are very few leads as of now," He explained the case to you, thought you were doing the puzzle he knew you were listening intently to what he had to say. He played with the ends of his hair as a soft silence nestled between the two of you.

Soon enough, you had given up on solving the puzzle and turned so Near's head was now resting on your thighs, his black eyes gazing up at you. "You think too much," you smiled softly as your hands raked through his hair in a comforting gesture. He closed his eyes and reached up to take your hand in his cold one. Pressing his lips to your knuckles.

"Thank you." He said softly, holding your hand close to his chest.

You raised a brow at him, "For what?"

"For being here. With me," He clarified, his eyes still closed. Near was one to show his love through actions more than his words, so when he said these words to you, you could tell him genuinely meant it. He found comfort in the way you played with his hair to try and calm him down from his frustrations. He found comfort in the way you engulfed him in his arms when you thought he needed it or when you just felt like it.

He found comfort in you.

In your presence.

He was grateful for your understanding and patient demeanor. Getting someone like him to tear his walls down and let you in wasn't exactly easy. Although he used to keep you at a distance for fear of your safety, you found a way to somehow get him defenseless when he was with you. Though some of his colleagues had known him since he first decided to be a detective, he felt as if you were the only one who truly knew him.

You knew about his deepest desires and his worst fears, his traumas and the aspects of his life that were hard for him to face, the people he had lost, the family he never had.

You knew it all.

Which is why when he looked into your soulful eyes, he found nothing but warmth in his heart. When he plants a kiss on your forehead, it is his promise to you to keep you safe.

..And a promise to himself to never lose anyone close to him again.

[maevearcher]

ace attorney x death note except light tries to prove he's not gay and they find out he's kira instead

[maevearcher]

[maevearcher]

Like, literally how I imagined, a while ago, that he'd teach me how to fight, and how much fun we'd have doing it, and how it would lead to physical closeness, and how we would blow some steam of certain disagreements in this way......❤❤❤

NARUTO ed "U can do it" paro.

#l lawliet #death note #l death note #death note oc #l x oc #maevearcher #my L #MaeLiet <- this is gonna be my ship name...unapologetically so

[maevearcher]

Never using public transportation again. Ugh. The more I live through things, the more I am convinced that L had/has the right idea. My love, you ask me if it's not unfair to me, a life of isolation, privacy, distance from the world. Um....have you ever considered that is precisely something I'd be very comfortable with, in the first place, that it would be a wish come true and not a sacrifice?....

#m.muses #my L #l lawliet

[maevearcher]

Am I right

[maevearcher]

@nathanwpyle

I literally love this.

I couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes.

No joke.

[maevearcher]

#funny #but actually too damn accurate to be funny

[maevearcher]