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mirasantidotes · 1 year

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A/N: Brought to you deliciously by @tightjeansjavi @loquaciousferret @peterhollandkait @chaotic-mystery

Summary: ever wonder how it feels for your favorite Pedro Pascal character to go down on you? Well, look no further because the girlies got you covered! Oh, and these men definitely know how to eat it good.

Warnings: this is literally just smut. If you are under 18 do not interact. This is content NOT intended to be consumed by minors. If you interact and I find for you to be underaged, I will be blocking you, no questions asked.

Din Djarin

↳ @loquaciousferret

Din doesn’t get the opportunity to eat you out as much as he would like, purely due to the logistics involved with ensuring it is perfectly dark and to have the time and space to apply a blindfold to you. You honestly don’t mind that it isn’t often, and it seems to frustrates him more than it does you. He is a selfless and generous person and wishes he could take this into the bedroom too.

All this considered, it does mean he really takes his time whenever he does get the opportunity. He will be patient and spend what seems like hours pulling multiple orgasms from you, never stopping until the point where you are the one begging for him to stop and just fuck you.

“Please- Din, please. I need you.”

“You have me, mesh’la. I’m right here.”

You whined, his facial hair tickled at your inner thighs as he spoke gently, his voice sending vibrations through your core.

When he did eventually fuck you after eating you out, the pleasure was intensified for you both. With you blindfolded, he could kiss and worship all of your body, and take in your subtle facial expressions without his visor obscuring his view.

“So beautiful, cyar’ika. I could stay here with you like this forever.” And he truly wishes he could.

Javier Peña

↳ @tightjeansjavi

Javi Peña eats your pussy wherever, and whenever he wants. You could be at the office, legs spread over his desk, his hands deliciously holding your thighs apart as he devours your sweet cunt. Thank god it’s only you two working late hours because your moans are free falling around the room, bouncing off the walls. You can hear him groaning in content at your sweet taste along his tongue. Even as his jaw goes slack, he continues to lap at you, wanting to get every last drop.

Or you’re in your apartment, blissfully whipping up some brownies or cookies to bring into the office, humming whatever tune is playing on the radio. You’re wearing one of Javi’s shirts, and a thin pair of panties. Your hips sway just enough for Javi to notice. You feel his presence looming behind you before he’s sinking down his knees. Your breath is caught in your throat when you feel his hands sneak up the apex of your thighs, prying them apart. “Javi, what are you—” you stumble over your words, gripping the counter tightly when he flattens his tongue against your clothed pussy, tasting you through the thin fabric. “Don’t mind me, cariño. Keep on whisking.”

You feel him hook his thumb along the side of your panties, revealing your slick cunt to him and then he’s completely devouring you, your knees nearly buckle as his nose bumps into your clit. His tongue is absolutely working you into ruin. “Javi, this really isn’t the time—fuck, baby.”

He’d let out a low chuckle against your core, sending warm vibrations up your spine. “There’s never a time more perfect to eat your sweet pussy cariño.” He tsks.

Pre!Outbreak Joel

↳ @chaotic-mystery

Pre!outbreak Joel would eat your pussy whenever and wherever he wanted your aching cunt in his mouth. It didn’t matter if you were in public, that’s why his truck has back seats. All he’d have to do is give you that look and you knew what was coming. Your minimal clothing choices in the Texas heat would make him start looking for secluded places to pull over. His hand would be at the very top of your thigh and he’d squeeze ever so gently causing your breath to hitch. It was the slight risk of getting caught by someone as he’s going to town on his girl, making her squirm and cry out.

He’d push your legs back so your thighs are slightly pinned against your stomach so he can see your dripping wet pussy in all its glory. As soon as your panties hit the floor of the truck, he’d give you a groan as he gets closer to you and admire how wet you already are for him. “Look at this beautiful fuckin’ pussy baby doll. Who got you like this, hm? Tell me sweet girl.” Just as you’re about to answer, he’d flatten his tongue against your clit and start devouring you. He liked seeing how much he can make you work for it while he’s rotting your brain, taking your breath away with his devilish mouth. “Cmon baby, tell me” he’d moan against you trying to aid a response between your moans.

Your fingers would comb through his hair and tug every time he sucked on your clit and shook his head from side to side, scoring a raspy whimper from you. His hand clutching your pillowy breasts and pinching your nipples, causing you to feel a fiery pit in your stomach.

“Joel please I’m gonna cum- don’t stop, just like that, just like that” your sentence growing to barely a whisper as you were right at the edge of releasing. Joel’s tongue would start flicking against your sensitive bud and that was all it took, your legs wrapped around his head as you rode his face, screaming his name. It didn’t stop there, of course. As you’d ride your high and buck your hips against his wet face, his mouth would still be attached to your clit. You’d start turning side to side, trying to back up but he’d wrap his arms around your thighs and pull you as close as he could, moaning into your juices that made your pussy glisten in the sun spilling through the window.

“Where are you goin, darlin'? I’m not full yet” he’d mutter and go right back to licking up your juices, running his tongue along the slick folds and around your clit. You’d push his head away and cry out, begging for a break but he’d grab your wrists, your legs tightening around his head even more. “One more baby cmon one more fuckin time just for me, pretty baby” your body shaking and breathes becoming faster until they sounded like gasps. The shriek of pleasure you let out as your eyes roll to the back of your head, a tear slipping from your eye as your body falls into complete euphoria. Your legs would fall from his shoulders, body still trembling slightly as he’d hover above you and admire his work that was written all over your face.

Post!Outbreak Joel

↳ @tightjeansjavi

Post!Outbreak Joel eats your pussy like it’s solely based around his own survival. How else is he supposed to feel alive, and human without his mouth devouring your cunt? There is no sweeter sound to his ears than mewls he elicits from your pretty little lips from his sinful mouth devouring you. You almost just got bit by a clicker? Cool, drop your pants girlie, because Joel is going to make you forget all about that near death experience in no time!

He prefers to have you on all fours, ass up with your back arched at almost an uncomfortable angle. Your bare pussy, glistening and pulsing through his heated, greedy gaze. You would only briefly feel his hot breath fanning your core. Joel doesn’t like wasting any time, but he loves to hear you beg him just a little. He’s a bit of a biter, and you’d feel his teeth graze the sensitive flesh of your inner thighs, causing you to lurch forward on your knees. He’d growl under his breath, wrapping his arm around your stomach and pull you right back to his face. “You stay right where you are darlin’ you hear me?” His mouth would be on you before you’d even get a chance to respond. He loved knocking the air from your lungs. It would take him no time to have you chasing your impending orgasm. His lips would be harshly wrapped around your clit, sucking intensely on your bundle of nerves. His teeth would graze you, and you’d be seeing stars.

His coarse, wiry beard would be scratching deliciously at your sensitive skin. The only time he would pause his sinful actions would be to spit on your already soaked cunt, he’d drag his tongue through his own salvia mixed with your juices before he would be lapping at you again. As soon as you would start to feel that the sensation was too much, your thighs would be quivering as you’d beg him to show you some mercy. “Joel—please I-I—it’s too much. Baby, I can’t—please..” you whined.

“Yes you can, pretty girl. I ain’t fuckin’ done with you yet.” He harshly whispered against your cunt. His beard and chin would already be coated in your arousal but this was never enough for him.

He’d flip you over onto your back, without warning, and grab your ankles in his calloused palms. He’d yank you down so you were beneath him, before he’d be devouring you once more. Your fingers would be desperately fisting his hair, riding into his face, feeling him everywhere. You’d scream his name, loud enough for the entire QZ to hear just how good this man treated you, and your pussy. Even after you would be fully spent, he’d keep his head buried between your thighs, his tongue would slowly be lapping up your release, before he’d press a chaste kiss to your clit. “Always such a good girl for me darlin’ could eat you for every fuckin’ meal.”

Frankie Fransico Morales

↳ @peterhollandkait

Frankie “pussy eating king” Morales

• Frankie starts slow, teasing you with his mouth and fingers on other parts of your body.

• Everyone thinks Frankie is an ass man, but he really truly loves your tits, never getting enough of them.

• He leaves marks and bruises all over them, sucking on your nipples with any chance he can get.

• When he finally moves down to your core, still teasing you, he breathes against your cunt, pressing kisses to your inner thighs.

• He does this until you’re begging him, whining for his touch, which is when he finally gives in.

• Frankie eats you like a man starved, lapping up your juices fervently. He has an arm holding open your thighs, the other pressing two fingers into your entrance, pumping them in and out.

• Every once in a while, he pulls away to whisper words of encouragement against your skin.

• “You like that baby?”

• “You’re doing so good for me gorgeous, taking my mouth so well”

• When his mouth is back on your folds, you’re mewling for him.

• He doesn’t give you a break between your first and second orgasm, sucking on your clit, making the most obscene noises as your pleasure wracks through you again and again.

• When you’re coming down from your second climax, he lays his head on your inner thigh, giving you a pussy drunk smile.

• He’s obsessed with you, never even thinking to touch himself at any point.

• This is all for you, no matter how hard his cock might be

• He puts his mouth back on you, fucking your third orgasm out of you with his tongue.

• He makes you see stars, your head going blank and body feeling weightless. He knows exactly how to manipulate your body to coax the most powerful orgasms from you.

• He learns your cues easily, knowing that your thighs shake before you squirt all over his face, covering him in your juices

• The way you tug on his hair tightly and arch your back before you come, screaming his name

• The echo of your voice on the walls gives him purpose, not hesitating to dive further into you to get what he wants

• Afterwards he puts every effort into making sure you’re comfortable

• He cleans you up with a warm washcloth, tucking you carefully under the covers before he joins you on the other side.

• He doesn’t care about his own pleasure, his only thoughts are to care for you.

Dieter Bravo

↳ @tightjeansjavi

Dieter Fucking Bravo eats your pussy like he’s the president of the pussy eating fan club. He is always absolutely greedy, ravenous to have his face buried against your sweet cunt. He’d have you for breakfast, lunch, dinner, appetizer, and of course dessert. On the occasions that you’d be spending the weekend with him, (literally every weekend) Dieter’s one, and simple request, is that you’d wear no panties around him. So you’d find yourself in his penthouse, wearing one of his expensive tailored shirts, and no panties. You could be doing the most mundane tasks, such as; doing your laundry. You’d be leaned over the open dryer, glistening pussy on full display for him. Next thing you know, his hands are around your hips and hoisting you up onto the dryer, spreading your legs wide open. He’d have a few greedy licks, before he would turn the dryer on, sending sweet vibrations up your core before his mouth and tongue would be fully devouring you. He’d use his pointer and middle finger to spread your slick folds open so you were on full display. He’d fuck your pussy with his tongue dragging it in and out of you before he’d focus all of his attention on your clit. The obscene slurping sounds he would make would drive you wild, and turn your brain to mush. He’d moan into you, shaking his head back and forth as he laps at you. “Mhmmm. Sweetest fucking pussy baby. All mine. Can eat you for fucking days, my sweet sweet girl. Now I’m gonna need you to cum all over my face like the dirty little girl I know you are.” Between the vibrations of the dryer, and Dieter's tongue showing you no mercy, you do just as he says. Screaming out his name while your hips buck up into his face. Even after you're spent, he continues to lap at you before he’s coaxing as many orgasms out of you as you're willing to give him.

He likes eating your pussy when it’s the most inconvenient possible time ever. Usually when you’re on your laptop, typing away. You’re on a writer's block for the next chapter of your 200k smut fic about Poe Dameron. He’s about to go down on the reader, but you’re lacking inspiration. Just as you're clicking the next key, you feel Dieter’s lips pressing to your ankle, he’s on his stomach and you peek over the top of your screen to see his smug face looking up at you. “How’s that chapter coming along baby?” He speaks against your skin, kissing his way up your calf and thigh. “I’m at writer's block. I can’t fucking find the inspiration for this scene. He’s supposed to go down on the reader and—” you give him a warning look as he inches his face closer to your pussy. He shuts the screen to your laptop and places it on the coffee table. You roll your eyes as he’s already hiking your hip up with your foot firmly planted against the side of the couch. “Mmm. This is that trigger happy X-Wing Pilot, right?” You can feel his hot breath fanning your core as he licks his lips. “Yeah, and I really don’t need you—” your mouth falls open when he attaches his lips to your clit, sucking harshly. “Mmm well I can be your inspiration baby. You just pretend I’m that Poe Dameron fellow.” He hums against you, and you can feel his stupid smirk against your pussy. His tongue is lapping you up, swirling and sucking on your clit like you’re his last meal. He switches from fast licks, to slow filthy ones that have you yanking his hair and demanding more. This smug bastard is spelling his fucking name against your soaked pussy because he is absolutely marking what is his. Dieter Bravo is a whore for eating your pussy, and he isn’t ashamed to admit it.

Jack Whiskey Daniels

↳ @loquaciousferret

Agent Whiskey doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth. He prefers something heavy, smokey, fiery. But when it comes to you… Well, that’s different see, because you are the sweet thing he needs a taste of at the end of every long, hard day.

He’ll return home from work, (having been doing god knows what all day), and he’ll find you perched somewhere in the house, sometimes the sofa, sometimes the bed, sometimes on a barstool at the kitchen island. He would seek you out like a missile locked on a target.

He would kiss you first, licking your strawberry lip balm from your lips. When he made his way down, slowly, sucking gently at your neck, he tasted coconut. When he sank to his knees before you, and nestled his head between your thighs, the taste was still sweet as could be, something indescribable and incomparable, something uniquely you. You giggled as he dived in, trying to indulge further, but the wide brim of his hat obstructed his access to you.

He smirked, quickly removing it and reaching up to place it on your head.

“You take care of that, sugar, and let me take care of you.”

He would eat your pussy until you were having to push him away, legs shaking, overstimulated from having come apart on his tongue numerous times. He would barely give you a reprieve until he wanted to start again, pleading with you softly, “Come on sweet girl, I know you got one more for me.”

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mirasantidotes · 1 year

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I feel like content creators complain too much about the "interactions" on Tumblr. Even if it's just a like and not a reblog, it's still interaction and it shows that someone out there likes your work. If you hate even that, maybe making content isn't for you in the first place? Idk maybe thats just me :/

hi anon. i am not sure if you create content of your own or not, but i think that creators can and should continue to complain about the lack of notes that they receive if they want to. it’s a problem that’s only been getting worse throughout the years and i have seen too many talented mutuals become discouraged at the lack of activity and just leaving altogether

of course likes are still appreciated and i’m sure many creators are grateful for it, but honestly it’s really only reblogs that helps people see their creations. without it, many contents that people pour HOURS into end up being unseen and can not get the appreciation that it deserves. many of us are still here to write/draw/edit only because we love doing it as a hobby and wants to express our love for our fave series in our own ways, but of course it will be demotivating if we’re putting so much effort into things that gets no support

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mirasantidotes · 1 year

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𝕓𝕝𝕦𝕖 𝕛𝕖𝕒𝕟𝕤 𝕟’𝕋𝕖𝕩𝕒𝕤 𝕕𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕞𝕤

𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟜

Whiskey N’Cokes & Shitty Ex-Boyfriends

♡ 𓃗 ♡

Pre!Oubreak Joel x horseback riding instructor f!reader

~word count : 4.9k~

Summary: Joel Miller, single father; total soft dad has an astronomically enormous crush on you, his daughters horseback riding instructor.

Warnings: age gap, (Joel is 34, the reader is 30) soft! Joel, shy! Joel, horny!awkward!Joel, protective! Joel, is doing his best!Joel, fluff, flirting, slow burn, sexual tension, brief horny thoughts, no use of (y/n), some angst, minor injury to a horse, some mentions of blood and stitching up a wound, triggering themes at the end, brief mentions of animal abuse (not by Joel or the reader but by the readers ex) if this is something triggering for you, please proceed with caution and do not read. (+18) minors dni!

blue jeans playlist:

Austin, Texas

It had started off as any other normal Wednesday. You were at the barn till around 5, turning the horses out to pasture for the evening. There was talk of a big storm rolling through later in the night. Most would believe that keeping the horses out in the pasture, through that kind of weather, would be cruel. However, they were far safer out in an open space, than crammed in their stalls. Horses were more likely to get injured in their stalls, versus being out in the pasture. Injuries could be sustained anywhere.

Your boys were pretty used to the elements, sans Frankie. He had Ezra to watch over him, and keep him calm at least but you worried about that horse more than you cared to admit.

Despite your concerns, you knew you had to leave and head home to change and start your second job; bartending.

Owning horses, let alone 6, was costly. Between vet bills, grain, supplements and hay, you had no other choice but to find another source of income. Everyday after working at the barn, you’d work a few hours at the local bar. Tips were good at least and you knew the owner pretty well. Weekends you’d work the late shift despite the owner telling you to go out and live a little.

In your eyes, the horses would always come before anything else. They were your main priority.

Business was steady for the next few hours, most of your customers were locals, but there would be the stray tourist every now and then.

The men would flirt with you and you’d laugh it off each time. You couldn’t help the fact that you were just a naturally bubbly individual.

You were pouring a Long Island iced tea for a local college student when your handsome, Texas tall glass of water strode in. You didn’t see him at first, you were too busy taking the next customer's order but boy, did he see you.

The town was small, and almost everyone knew each other, so he shouldn’t have been that surprised to see you behind the bar top at his favorite joint. He was, however, frozen on the spot momentarily. How lucky he was to get to see you outside your element, to be in your presence.

Yes, Joel Miller had an astronomical fucking crush on you.

Did he unashamedly check you out from where he stood? He did indeed. The first thing he noticed was your black fitted tee, it hugged you in all the right places, leaving just enough to his imagination. However when he saw you reach for a bottle on the top shelf, in the tightest pair of jean shorts his eyes ever had the pleasure of seeing, his breath hitched in his throat.

Jesus age Christ, you looked good in just about anything. For a brief moment, Joel thought about how pretty you’d look flushed against him, ass to his crotch, and—fuckin’ hell, Joel. Keep it together man. This is your daughter's horseback riding instructor for fuck sakes.

He still had time to turn back around, leave the bar while he still had the chance. Now, wouldn’t that just be a little too easy? Tommy had urged him earlier that day to go out and live a little. Joel didn't do too much with his time outside of work, and taking care of Sarah. Work and his daughter were his main priority.

He didn’t turn around and leave the bar. His brain was quite literally screaming at him to leave. Go home, and pretend he never saw you here. Instead, his boot clad feet were already moving to the open seat at the bartop.

He waited till you were close enough to hear him, to even perhaps feel his presence from where you were fixing together another Texas style margarita. He turned his nose up at the amount of sugar he imagined was inhabited in that excuse for a drink. It smelled, and looked like an impending hangover waiting to happen.

“Fancy seein’ you here tonight darlin’.

There it was, that familiar, warm southern drawl that sent your heart, and brain for a loop. Your handsome, Texas tall glass of water was sitting at your bartop.

“Joel?” To say you were surprised to see him here was an understatement.

He looked around, his eyes wandering around the bar area as if there possibly was another man named Joel that you could be speaking of.

“That’s my name, darlin’ I don’t see any other Joel’s ‘round here. Do you?” He mused.

You made eye contact with him after handing the girl her drink. You wiped your hands along a towel, tucking it into the belt loop of your shorts as you stood in front of him. “Nope, you’re the only Joel Miller that I know. Consider yourself special.”

He grinned up at you. Those stupid big brown eyes of his detected how flustered you were and you wanted to smack him with your little notebook. Did he really need to be wearing that tight of a flannel? Wasn’t he hot? it was absolutely boiling outside—

“I Take it you're surprised to see me? The feelin’ is mutual. Been comin’ to this place for years and ain’t ever seen you here.”

“Maybe you just weren’t looking hard enough.”

“Find that hard to believe when you’re pretty damn hard to miss. This your hobby or somethin’?”

“Unfortunately, no. This is actually my second form of income. Taking care of 6 horses is costly, so I bartend everyday after work, and take the late shifts on the weekends.”

“Wow. No kiddin’? You ever make time for yourself? Pretty thing like you, hanging out with these old geezers?” He didn’t know where his sudden boldness came from, but as soon as the word ‘pretty’ slipped past his plush lips, he could feel his face and neck heating up from his confession.

Did Joel Miller just call you pretty? It must have been the heat getting to his head. Yeah, that’s the logical reason behind it.

“Well, these old geezers tip pretty well. Sometimes I’ll throw in a little extra smile, and maybe a wink or two. Whatever pays the bills, right?”

You watched as Joel brought his hand to the back of his neck, rubbing it nervously. You could see the sweat beading along his forehead and it looked like at any second now one of those damn buttons were going to burst along the seams.

“Well, I’m relieved to hear that they tip ya well. So then you don’t go and hang out with friends n’stuff like that? Or like a boyfriend or somethin’ You got one of those?” Please say no. He silently thought to himself.

You raised an eyebrow in his direction, crossing your arms over your chest and when he got just a glimpse, a mere taste of your cleavage, you could see the muscle of his broad biceps, twitch and stretch the worn fabric of his ridiculously tight flannel.

“On a very rare occasion I’ll meet my friends for drinks. As for if I have a boyfriend or not? I don’t. Unfortunately, I have an ex that comes around here every now and then. If I have one word of advice for you Joel, it’s to never shit where you eat.”

So you didn’t have a boyfriend and by the sounds of it, you were over your ex which means..let’s not get ourselves carried away here. For all Joel knows, you don’t think of him in any way outside of a professional stance. He was going to have to play this cool. Last thing he wanted to do was potentially scare you away.

“Ahh. The classic workplace romance? How’d you manage to get caught up in that? If you don’t mind me askin’ of course. Don’t wanna intrude.”

You laughed and uncrossed your arms from your chest. “I’ll give you a quick rundown, but first, can I get you something to drink?”

“Whiskey and coke.” He stated his order smoothly, like he had it a 100 times before. It was a classic choice, sweet with some boldness, and very much what you expected Joel to order.

“On a school night Miller? What would Sarah think?” You lightly teased. Grabbing a glass as you fixed together his drink.

He responded with a light chuckle, leaning back against the bartop stool, stretching his flannel even more. “Well, actually my younger brother Tommy is watchin’ her for the night. He actually suggested that I get out and live a little tonight so here I am.”

“Starting the night off strong with a good old whiskey and coke. I like your style, Miller.” You slid the glass over to him with a wink.

he nearly folded in that goddamn chair right then and there. Your wink alone was giving him heart palpitations. “I hate to break it to ya, but I ain’t much of a partier darlin’. Those days are long over for me.”

“Oh bullshit you aren’t. How old are you anyway? I mean, you don’t look like an old man by any means.”

Holy fuck. Now you were being the ballsy one. It was apparent that you brought it out of each other, in the best way possible.

He raised a brow at you over the rim of his glass, taking a long sip, his eyes locked on yours. “I appreciate you sayin’ I don’t look like an old man darlin'. I’m 34, but who’s really countin’ right? Sarah will probably tell ya that I have to wear diapers soon.”

You giggled, and it was the sweetest fucking sound Joel’s ears had ever heard. Fucking adorable, like seriously. You were so goddamn cute and he felt like a little school boy meeting his crush on the playground for the first time. Giggles and whispers would be shared as you would swing on the swing set together. Dream, soar, pretending you were two birds flying above the clouds as your swings would go higher, and higher—

“Damn, I wasn’t going to put you a day past 25. Now, don’t you go and let that get to your head, alright? I’m not giving out flattery for free over here.”

“I’m touched that you think I’m that young darlin’. Not that 34 isn’t young, but I’m startin’ to feel it in my back and it’s a fuckin’ pain in my ass.” He took another long sip before he set the glass down, keeping his hand lightly grasped around it because the cooling condensation was the only thing keeping him sane at that moment.

“The evil 30’s, and the impending back pain that comes along with it, truly is such a bitch.”

He cleared his throat as he looked up at you. He was curious to know how old you were as well. He had his speculations that you weren’t that far off from his age. “What about you darlin’? How old are you?”

“Just turned 30 this March. Who’s really counting though, like you said.”

“Damn, sugar. So you’re a cougar then? Wait, no. I’ve gotten that all wrong sweetheart. What would I be called, a manther? Is that even a thing? He asked suggestively, his tone came across in a teasing manner.

This had you reaching out and lightly swatting his bicep with your hand at his suggestion.

“A cougar, really Joel? We’re 4 years apart, and you did get that all wrong. I’d have to be older than you to be considered a cougar. Maybe Sarah was right about you needing diapers soon, you dork. Besides, I’d have to be attracted to you in the first place—”

“Ouch. So you ain’t got a smidge of attraction to me? Not even just a little? Woundin’ me darlin.’ You’ve absolutely just gone and shattered my poor poor soul.” He dramatically clenched his fist against his chest, mocking the expression of pain from your words.

Although, it did sting a little, and he wondered if he had crossed a boundary with you unintentionally.

Oh god, was he just messing with you? Was he being serious? You were dumbly attracted to this man. You were feeling like a little school girl with a crush.

“Joel I’m sorry I didn’t mean—”

“Oh, just spare me the details and twist the knife a little deeper why don’t ya?”

You were visibly mortified as you stumbled over your words, trying to change the conversation.

“So, we’ve been flirtin’ with each other this entire time, and nothin? Just a little game we’re playin? Well, you got me grippin’ the edge of my seat darlin', that's for damn sure.”

You took a deep breath, weighing out your options as you chewed on the inside of your cheek.

“Okay. Yes, I find you to be attractive. This is definitely not how I wanted to put it out there but hey, what do I really have to lose right?”

“I’m sorry darlin’ I didn’t mean to make you feel like you needed to admit to it or anythin’ did I cross a line? I’m sorry. That was honestly a dick move on my part. I just think you’re really pretty and—”

“Joel, breathe. You didn’t cross a line or anything, I just haven’t had a crush on anyone in a really long time. So this just feels like new territory for me at the moment.”

“The feeling is absolutely mutual. S’cute that you got a crush on me though. Got a crush on you too. Got a crush on my daughters fuckin’ horse back ridin’ instructor.”

“What are we, 10 years old or something?” You giggled.

“Yep. We most definitely are. Gonna go home later and scribble your name all over my notebook with hearts n’shit around it.”

“Oh god, are you really?”

“There’s a high possibility darlin.’”

Both of your attention was drawn to one of the many tv’s in the bar. This specific one was showing the weather broadcast, and it did not look good at all. You immediately thought of Frankie and the rest of the horses.

“Shit.” You spoke suddenly.

“What’s wrong?” He tore his eyes from the TV as he looked back at you, a sense of worry stuck across his handsome face.

“This storm is going to be worse than I thought. The horses will be okay, and I have them turned out for the night but Frankie—”

“Doesn’t handle loud and sudden noises well.” Joel stated. He wasn’t kidding when he told you that he remembered every last detail about all 6 of your horses.

“Yeah. I’m sure he’s gonna be alright but I just..I worry about him so I’m gonna need to go and check on them before it gets worse out there. Hey, Joel? Can you just hang out here for a second? I’m gonna go ask my boss if I can cut out early.”

“Course darlin’. I ain’t goin’ anywhere. I can promise you that.”

You responded with a nod, leaving the bar top as you went and briefly told your manager the situation at hand. He let you clock out, and you reappeared with your bag over your shoulder. Joel already had his keys out, twirling them around his finger.

“C’mon let’s go. Hopefully the storm lets up till we get there. I might bring him and Ezra in for the night if that ends up being the case.”

“I’ve got my truck out front. I’ll drive, okay?”

“Perfect. I can just get my car later or something.”

The two of you headed out into the parking lot. The sky was pitch black, and you both could smell the approaching storm in the air as low rumbles of thunder were heard in the distance.

Joel was a total gentleman. He not only held the bar door open for you, but he was quick to open the passenger side door and give you a little boost. Despite the situation at hand, feeling his hands on your waist for a brief moment, sent a welcoming chill down your spine.

The drive to the barn was a quick one. Joel had glanced over in your direction briefly just as it had started to lightly rain and a bright flash of white hot lightning lit up the midnight black sky.

You were in a haste as he parked in the lot, you had the barn keys in hand as you rushed inside the building. Joel was close behind you as you made a quick stop at the tack room, grabbing Frankie and Ezra’s halters from their labeled hooks. Just as you were pulling open the back barn doors, the skies opened up and released a torrential downpour.

You nearly gave Joel whiplash with how fast you ran past him. Grabbing two flashlights, and two raincoats from your office. You threw him a flashlight along with the rain jacket as you slipped your muck boots on. “Well? You gonna come out there with me?” You looked at him expectantly.

“We don’t have much of a choice, right?” He turned the flashlight on before he slipped his arms through the sleeves of the raincoat.

“We don’t.” You confirmed.

The two of you headed out into the storm and were immediately smacked with the whipping rain. Your vision was blinded as you trudged through the muddy grass with your flashlights, and lightning strikes from above as your guideway.

You tucked your own flashlight under your armpit as you unlocked the pasture gate and pushed it open before trudging inside. It didn’t take you long to find 5 out of 6 horses huddled under the standing structure. Ezra gave you a gentle nicker when you shined your flashlight on him.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Joel, Frankie isn't here!”

Joel was already soaked to the bone despite the rain jacket and he too counted only 5 horses.

“Well he’s gotta be out there somewhere, right?”

You both heard a loud whinny coming from the back area of the pasture and before Joel could even stop you, you were running out from under the structure and towards the sound of the whinny.

“Darlin’! Wait!” He yelled out to you through the pounding rain.

Joel found you with a frightened Frankie against the far corner of the fence. He had sustained a decent sized gash along his front left cannon bone. It wasn’t deep enough to be severe but he would need medical attention.

Joel then saw the crack in the wooden fence where Frankie seemingly tried to escape from and was unsuccessful.

Despite the whipping wind, and pounding rain, you were gently talking to the frightened animal as you managed to get his halter and lead rope secured around him. “Easy now boy. I got you. You’re okay fella. Shh. Shh. Shh.” You gently stroked his neck as another bright flash of lightning lit up the sky, followed by a loud crack of thunder that had the fence trembling.

From where Joel was standing, he could see the whites of Frankie’s eyes from the flash of lightning.

“Darlin’! Is he hurt?!”

You started to carefully and slowly lead Frankie away from the fence. You had no choice but to take your time as he was limping due to the injury he sustained. “It’s okay Frankie. You’re okay fella. Gonna get you inside and fixed up? Alright? Good boy.”

When you were close enough to where Joel could hear you, you called out to him. “He’s got a decent gash on his front left cannon bone but it’s not deep. Just need to get him inside and I’ll take care of it. Can you put Ezra’s halter on and bring him in as well? They’re buddies.”

“Shit. He’s hurt? I don’t know darlin’ I’ve never—”

“Joel, please! I can’t bring them both in myself.” You briefly halted Frankie before sliding Ezra’s halter off your shoulder and handed it to Joel. “You can do this Joel, I know you can.”

Joel took the halter and lead rope from you and gave you a brief nod before he turned on his heel, and headed back to the standing structure. He walked inside and used his flashlight to locate Ezra from the others. Your horse was such a good boy he was already walking towards Joel, lowering his head so he could slip the halter on. “Hey, fella. Your friend is injured, and your mom said I gotta bring you inside with him. Can you help me out here? Cause I ain’t got a fuckin’ clue what I’m doin.’”

Ezra nickered softly in response, stopping in front of your yet-to-be-boyfriend. Joel remembered that the round part went around Ezra’s nose as he slipped it on. “Alright fella, this part goes over your ears, right? Yeah, I think so.” He slipped the headpiece of the halter over Ezra’s ears, and clasped the metal buckle through the metal ring.

Once he was confident that he had done it right, he grasped the lead rope in his hands and urged Ezra forward. By the time he had the halter secured, you and Frankie were close behind. Joel waited till you could walk alongside each other. He didn’t care about the rain, or the mud. He just wanted to make sure you and Frankie were safe.

Once the four of you were safely back inside the barn, you carefully hooked the crossties up to Frankie’s halter and had Joel put Ezra into Dieters stall Temporarily, as it was the closest to where Frankie was.

Joel watched as you tossed your soaking wet rain coat to the ground. You were completely zoned in on the task at hand as you disappeared into your office, grabbing all the medical supplies you needed for this minor wound.

“I’m gonna need you to gently hold his face while I’m doing this, okay? I’m gonna have to flush the wound out first, then apply some numbing cream to the surrounding area and then stitch him up.”

Joel watched as you grabbed the hose from the other side of the stall and turned the pressure on low, gently flushing out any dirt or debris from the gash along Frankie’s leg.

“He’s gonna be okay, right?”

You looked up at Joel from where you were crouched down and gave him a nod. “Yeah, he’ll be alright. It didn’t go deep, thankfully. Could have been a lot worse. He’s just gonna need some stall rest for a few days. He’ll be fine though Joel, don’t worry.”

After you flushed the wound out, you grabbed a white tub of numbing cream, dragging your fingers through the thick paste before you gently applied it to the area around the wound to numb it.

Frankie had side stepped from your touch, but Joel was right there, speaking softly to him and you felt a small smile tug on your lips as you heard him say, “Easy, fella. You’re alright. You’re doing great. Your mom is gonna fix you right up, just like she promised.” He cooed.

Once you finished applying the antiseptic cream, you started to suture the gash along Frankie’s leg. You were grateful for Joel, and his kind words, and soft tone as he spoke to Frankie.

Once you were finished, you wrapped Frankie’s leg in a specific bandage casing and let Joel lead him into his stall. You gave him antibiotics mixed into his grain and a few flakes of hay.

“Thank you so much for coming with me. I really don’t think I could have managed this on my own, Joel. I’m grateful that you were here.”

Joel looked over at you as he gave Frankie a gentle pat, stepping out of his stall and closed the stall door behind him.

“Of course, darlin’. It was no trouble at all. It’s a good thing my brother encouraged me to go out and live a little tonight, huh?”

“If I ever get the chance to meet him, I’ll personally thank him.” You let out a sigh, feeling exhausted from the situation. You were caked in mud and your hands were stained with Frankie’s blood.

“You uh—need me to do anythin’ else?”

“Yeah, can you grab a few flakes of hay for Ezra? I don’t think we can go anywhere in this storm, so we’ll have to wait it out. I’ll go grab us a couple of beers from the fridge in my office. It’ll make the time go by faster.”

“Sure, darlin’. No problem at all. I can handle that.”

Joel went to grab a few flakes of hay while you walked down to your office, grabbing a few towels and two beers from your mini fridge.

You set the towels down against Frankie’s and Ezra’s temporary stall for the night.

You sunk down against the towel, resting your head against the stall door and Joel joined you shortly after. He looked over at you and could just see the exhaustion etched into your face as you had your eyes closed. His shoulder lightly brushed yours as he sank down beside you, grabbing your beer and snapped the top off before grabbing his own.

“I almost forgot to tell you about my ex.” You finally spoke, peeking your eyes open to look over at him. You grabbed your beer, lightly tapping the rim against his, before you brought it up to your lips and took a swig.

He mirrored your actions, taking a small sip of his as he rested his head against the stall door, turning his head to look at you. “Only if you wanna tell me ‘bout him. Don’t feel like you’re pressured or anythin’, okay?”

“Nah, he’s a loser anyway. Like truly, a loser. Anyway, he followed me out here from California years ago. We dated all throughout highschool, and I thought we were gonna get married. Honestly, I think I was expected to marry him, but I’m glad that I never did. His family is big in the horse business as well. He mainly did western stuff and some events in the rodeo. Whiskey, actually used to be his up until 6 months ago.”

Joel was listening to you intently, his eyes stayed focused on your face and something was telling him that your ex was gonna turn out to be a real asshole. He just had this inclination to believe it.

“He didn’t…do anything to Whiskey, did he?”

You let out a sigh, taking another deep, long swig of your beer, letting it settle in your gut. “Not to Whiskey, no. Remember how I said Javi P has a deep distrust of men, for obvious reasons?”

“I remember you tellin’ me about that darlin’”

“Well, he thought Javi P was deemed as a dangerous horse. He didn’t want me to be around him and well, you can imagine how I took that. So, not only did he try to sell him back to slaughter, behind my back, He was fucking hitting him Joel. I couldn’t believe it. Literally. I was bringing a potential new client in for a tour, and we’re coming around the corner and I hear this noise, right? He’s literally punching Javi P in the face and then he gets bit.”

“You’re fuckin’ kiddin’ me sweetheart. Please tell me that you’re jokin.’ Who the fuck does that to an animal?” Joel was seething from where he sat next to you.

“I wish I was joking Joel. I really wish I was. Anyway, I caught him in the act, called the cops and he was arrested on the spot. He’s charged with animal neglect, charged a fine and he makes fucking bail. His parents bailed him out. However, I have a restraining order against him and he can’t come within a hundred yards of this place. Whiskey was signed over to me shortly after.”

“What a fuckin’ piece of shit. His parents bailed him out too? They’re no fuckin’ better than he is. What a sick fuck.”

You placed your hand along Joel’s bicep, gently squeezing it to bring him back to earth.

“He is a piece of shit, and his parents are no better, but he’s a fucking loser and he’s never gonna be able to redeem himself. I obviously felt betrayed, and heartbroken when it went down because I did love him, but the horses were there to bring me back up.”

“I don’t care, I’m still terribly sorry that you had to go through that shit. Poor Whiskey and Javi P too. That dude deserves so much better. He’s lucky that he has you.”

“That’s why I’ve been working so much with him cause I want to teach him some good for once in his fucking life, you know? He’s got a big personality but he’s such a good horse. I know he is.”

“If anyone is able to get through to him, I’m sure it’s gonna be you sweetheart.”

By the time you and Joel had finished off your beers, it was past 1 a.m and the storm hadn’t let up. He was telling you a story about him and his brother Tommy, back in his younger years, when you had dozed off. Your head came to gently rest upon his shoulder. He froze, not wanting to disturb you in your slumber. He ever so carefully, brought his arm around your shoulders so you could use it as your own personal pillow. He didn’t even care when his arm started to ache from the position it was in. He just wanted you to be comfortable.

Sometime after, he found himself turning his head, gently resting his chin along the top of your head, listening to the sounds of Frankie, and Ezra chewing their hay, nickering to each other, and the sound of the rain pounding on the metal roof.

Joel soon dozed off to the feeling of your soft breaths fanning his cheek, sending a warmth creeping down his spine, and a soft smile spread across his lips.

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mirasantidotes · 1 year

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there probably wont be any new chapters of it ends with you for the next week or two. i have a lot of work as of right now that i need to take care of that leaves little to no time for writing, but once this week is over I'll have plenty of time ♡♡

#mira's notes #I literally have so much work to do rn its insane #im going to lose my mind i have like 3 writing projects due for school by the end of the week plus a presentation

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mirasantidotes · 1 year

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clouded judgment / clear mind

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: it was a long time since Joel had felt a maddening rage like this, but he weren't about to let anyone who dares to hurt you get away with it (based on this ask)

Tags: Joel goes apeshit, angst, a bit of comfort at the end, established relationship, protective Joel (REALLY protective lmao), basically he goes feral

Warnings: uh. VERY graphic descriptions of violence (I'm not good at writing action sequences but it is graphic), swearing, kinda torturing 😬

Word count: 4.5K

A/N: this one was really challenging, but i hope yall will like what i came up with :) i really didn't expect it to be so difficult to write buuut i tried to focus on the "giving-his-brother-nightmares" side of Joel and i think i succeeded. anyway !!! happy reading ❤️

He should have never left you alone.

Which was a ridiculous thought, of course, because how are you supposed to patrol efficiently if the other person refuses to leave your side even for a moment? Besides, he didn’t want you to think he didn’t trust you – he saw multiple times what you were capable of first-hand and he knew you were able to take care of yourself.

He put it forward once – to not split up and patrol the same area within the eyeshot of each other. You sent him a crooked smile at that, saying something about him being a little too overprotective before you gave him a kiss and went on your merry way, leaving him alone and slightly annoyed (but with a faint, stupid grin on his face).

So he tried to rein in this ‘overprotectiveness’ you mentioned. He never brought it up again, even though a cold shiver ran up his spine every time he lost sight of you beyond the safe walls of Jackson. Each time you two went on a patrol, he had to take a second to calm down and remind himself this is not one of his dreams when he loses you.

That’s why at first, when he heard your voice screaming his name from a distance, he wasn’t sure if it was really happening.

The instinct, however, kicked in the next second and he rushed back to where he saw you last, to the interior of a resort around which he was scouting. This was supposed to be one of the safest options for patrolling – no one ever saw any signs of life here besides occasional infected, and Joel was never that worried when you went inside alone to check the place.

He had a feeling his cautious (he really didn’t want to call it ‘overprotective’) nature was gonna become a nuisance again after this incident.

The goddamn downpour outside made listening for any noises aggravatingly difficult. Joel yelled for you, but he didn’t hear any answer and the driving rain beating against the windows of the resort absorbed all the sounds.

He made his way inside the building and up the stairs when he noticed your hat lying discarded against the wall. A wave of ice-cold dread washed over him. The stairway was dark but even with the little light he had he could see a couple of wet, almost black droplets on the dirty floor.

What he felt next reminded him of falling asleep – his shoulders relaxed and from head to toe a cool, silent equilibrium crept over him. Joel gripped his rifle firmly and pushed on soundlessly. It didn’t seem like you were stabbed or shot – there would be much more blood present – but you were hurt. Someone must’ve laid in wait to ambush you, and now…

It didn’t matter. Whoever it was, they made a grave mistake.

Joel reached the second floor, listening intently for any clues as to where you might be or how many people are in the building with him, but he didn’t even have to check the rooms one by one. A faint light, which couldn't have been left by the previous patrol, was spilling out from underneath the doors at the far end of the corridor . He did consider the possibility that it was a decoy and your attacker was hiding in one of the other rooms, but the closer he got to the sliver of light on the dusty floor, and the more doors he passed, it became clear that whoever got you, they weren’t that cunning.

And then he heard it. A sound of a blow from the other side of the door, and then a strangled cry.

It was you. Your voice.

Joel took a deep breath, gritted his teeth and kicked the door open, bursting into the room with his rifle held high – only to find himself surrounded by six men, five of whom were holding him at gunpoint.

The sixth one, a ragged-looking blond, stood over you and the second he saw Joel, he grabbed you by the hair and pressed a knife against your neck, making both you and Joel freeze.

“You’re from this town nearby, right?” asked the man with a heavy accent Joel couldn’t place. “The one that fucking shoots off any newcomers.”

Joel didn’t answer. Didn’t even look at this man. All he could see was your bruised and battered face and the blood running freely from your – probably broken – nose and down your chin. You had a black eye and a split brow, but your gaze was sharp and alert when you looked back at him.

He felt like his insides were boiling.

“Hey, dickhead!” the leader of the group yelled, gripping your hair tighter and making you hiss in pain. “You deaf or something?”

Joel finally managed to take his eyes off you – your blood and your bruises, and the concealed fear on your face – and glared at the man standing over you. His jaw was clenched and nostrils flaring, but he quickly collected himself. He couldn’t let his emotions get the better of him when you were in danger.

He lifted his hands slowly, showing that he was no threat to them. The thug tilted his head at one of his friends.

“Put down your gun and slide it over.”

Joel watched you following his movements with your eyes as he carefully put his rifle down and kicked it in the direction of one of the men. The blond holding the knife nodded twice.

“Now. You two are from the town, aren’tcha?”

“Let her go,” said Joel, trying to remain calm and not use – quoting Ellie – his ‘asshole voice’. “Then we’ll talk.”

The man shook his head and chuckled.

“Oh, no, no.” He pressed the blade harder against your throat. “We have the upper hand here. You understand?”

The man was looking at him expectantly but Joel’s eyes were nailed on the trickle of blood now running down the column of your neck. He remembered kissing that same neck this morning and tickling it with his nose, and the thought of this fucking bastard cutting your soft skin and leaving such a mark on it made him feel like he was about to burst.

“Fine,” he ground out with his jaw set. He looked over at the leader of the group. “What do you want?”

Had any of them been smarter, they would have picked up a dangerous note in his voice. But just like he suspected, they weren’t that bright.

“You go back to your town and bring five more horses here,” said the blond. “And ammo. My buddy here,” he used his chin to point at another guy, standing behind Joel, “will tell you what kind. You try anything or come back with someone else, and I’ll slit her throat right open.”

“She will go get that shit for you and I will stay,” Joel negotiated strongly, but the leader of the group shook his head again.

“No. No way. You go and bring back everything we ask for, and I’ll let your little friend go.”

Joel’s eyes once again shifted to your form and something inside his chest twitched. You noticed it – of course you did, you were always able to read him like no one else – and tried to offer him a half smile.

“I’ll be fine, Joel,” you reassured him. “Nothing I haven’t–”

“Shut your trap!” The shorter man standing to your right yelled and raised his hand, making you flinch.

Joel could almost feel fire burning in his veins and through his skin, peeling it off his bones.

“Hey! There’s no need for that!” he said louder, taking a step forward, but the gang lifted their guns higher. He stopped and spread his arms wider. “I’ll get you the stuff you want. Just leave her alone.”

“You better hurry, then,” said the blond with a nasty smile, and Joel nodded while trying not to look too desperate. He looked at his friend. “Tell him what we need.”

Joel didn’t give a shit what they were saying – it was him who needed to think of something, and fast. He had a suspicion as to who these men were – he heard from Tommy about a larger group trying to gain entry to Jackson several times. Apparently they threatened the patrol which found them when they were denied permission to join their community. It was before Joel came to the small town for the first time with you and Ellie, but the word around was that any rogue group around this terrains wasn’t to be trusted.

And everything from the description Tommy gave him fit: ragged looks, traveling on foot, low on ammunition.

While one of the men listed what kind of guns they had and how much supplies they wanted, a motion in Joel’s field of vision caught his attention and his eyes darted to you – or more specifically, to your left hand.

You stared right back at him, moving your fingers slightly so the others didn’t notice.

N… O… A… M…

No ammo.

None? That’s probably why the one standing next to you wasn’t holding you at gunpoint but with a knife to the throat. The rest of them must’ve had their pistols drawn just for show. Joel had no idea how you figured it out, but a thought struck him and he surveyed the members of the group. He remembered which one held onto his rifle, but you were armed, too…

As if reading his mind, your fingers started to twitch again the second he looked back at you.

U... Left… B, E, H, I…

Suddenly the man to your right bowed over you again and punched you square in the stomach, knocking the wind out of you.

“Fucking bitch,” he snarled with contempt and glared back at Joel. “No funny games, you hear me? You come back with a gun or anyone else, and I won’t hesitate to fucking kill her, man.”

Joel’s heart was pounding in his chest. All he could see was your face contorted in pain, all he could hear were your coughs and grunts.

Two of the men came forward – the one on his left had a loaded gun from what you managed to convey to him in sign language – and pushed him towards the exit. Joel shifted his icy stare at the man standing next to him, and then at the two situated near you.

They were all going to die.

When he gets back, he’s going to kill every one last of them, and he’s going to enjoy it immensely.

Joel sent you one last look before turning around and slowly walking out of the room with both men close behind, pointing their guns (and only one of them loaded) at him.

It was going to be alright. He had a stirring of a plan and when he comes back, maybe with Tommy or someone else…

You gasped and coughed again behind his back after the sound of another punch.

Joel came to a dead stop, not registering the gun barrel digging into his back, and he felt like his jaw was going to snap if he kept clenching it like that.

You murmured something he didn’t quite catch and Joel turned his head slightly just in time to see the short man kicking you in the ribs and your form lying on the wooden floor, spitting out blood…

“You think you’re so clever, huh? I swear to fucking god, if you pull something like that again…”

Joel didn’t even let the man finish.

In a split second he elbowed the man behind him, grabbing his hand holding the gun – the one they took from you – and shooting the blond standing over you. He fell backwards and the knife fell out of his grip. Taking out the guy Joel grappled with was embarrassingly easy, and once he had a good grip on the pistol belonging to you, he spun around to face the other thug with his gun, standing on the opposite side of the room.

The ragged man fired at him, but Joel didn’t even need to duck, for the bullet missed him by half a meter at least. The man was lying dead soon after, shot twice in the head, and the remaining three took out their weapons, ready for a fight.

None of them reached for Joel’s rifle, lying under their friend’s corpse.

“That’s even better,” he murmured to himself, unloading the gun and throwing it against the far wall.

If looks could kill, they’d already be lying on the ground and writhing in agony. But Joel was more than happy to do it himself. And with his bare hands.

He strode with confidence to the nearest man who swung a machete at him. Joel avoided the attack and pushed him back, quickly darting to the side and decking the other man coming at him.

A sharp pain ripped through his body from the back of his arm when the third thug cut through his clothes. Joel blocked the second strike and twisted the opponent's arm, applying so much pressure that the bone in the forearm snapped and the man’s scream pierced the air.

He lurched back to dodge the machete aimed at his neck and picked up a knife dropped by the previous guy. He surged forward, driving the blade into the thigh of his current attacker, which made the other man lose his balance. Their friend, the last one still unharmed, managed to punch Joel’s jaw, making something crack and reverberate inside his skull, but he only wiped the blood from his face.

When the last thug came closer, Joel used his own momentum and grabbed the back of his skull, bringing the guy's face down onto his own knee. After that his movements were practically automatic when he grabbed the dazed man from behind and broke his neck in a swift motion.

Breathing heavily, he made his way to the first man he knocked out and took your gun from, picking up the machete en route. That son of a bitch wasn’t even conscious, but it didn’t stop Joel from bringing the weapon down and through his head.

The next one was the bastard with the broken arm, but his screams quickly died away when he, too, received a deep and lethal wound from Joel – this time aimed at his chest, almost cutting it open.

Your yelp ripped through the roar of blood in his ears and Joel turned around just in time to see the blond he shot in the shoulder sitting on top of you, trying to stab you with his knife. You managed to dodge it and before that idiot could try again, Joel came up to you both, grabbed the man’s hair and all but threw him off of you and onto the floor.

The blond was still holding the weapon in his hand, but didn’t get another chance to use it – with all his strength Joel brought the heel of his heavy boot down on the injured man's fingers. The man screamed when the satisfying crunch of the bones in his hand breaking echoed throughout the room and Joel couldn't hide a smirk.

He deserved it. All of them deserved it.

He again saw before his eyes the way this motherfucker kicked you and how his friend threatened to cut your throat. Again he saw red.

“You piece of shit,” Joel whispered, still blinded by rage, and gave the man a taste of his own medicine by kicking him in the stomach as hard as he could. The bastard coughed and yelled in pain but it wasn’t enough.

Joel’s focus was sharp and clear when he stood over the battered and bleeding man, staring down at him with hatred. He thought the blond tried to say something – his lips were certainly moving – but he didn’t concern himself with any begging or threats the thug had to offer. Instead he gripped the front of his sweater and punched him in the jaw, letting the limp body fall to the floor and relishing in the sounds of his curses, his grunts of pain, his blood dripping onto the floor…

Not enough.

Joel did that several more times – grabbing the idiot’s clothes, hair, whatever – to pull him up and hit him in the jaw, temple, nose and wherever else his fist landed. The face of the man was bloodied and he was barely conscious at this point and still all Joel could see was the look of sadistic glee on this man's face after finding an excuse to hurt you.

Joel didn’t have much strength anymore, but he ignored the biting pain from the cut on his arm and the raw wounds on his bloody knuckles, and straddled the lying man. The survival instinct must've kicked in and the blond started to tussle, reaching with his not-broken fingers to Joel’s face, scratching his brow and cheek.

And just like the glee he saw in the thug’s eyes earlier, Joel was more than happy that he gave him an excuse – and an idea – how to hurt him more.

“I saw how you looked at her,” he said in a low tone to the unlucky man, holding his left arm in place with his knee and pressing his own thumb to that fucker's swollen eye. “You like hearin’ people screamin’ in pain? Because I just know this is going to bring me great joy.”

Blood was flowing from under Joel’s finger and down his hand when he gouged the blond’s eye out and the man was shrieking. He was writhing and struggling under Joel's weight, and his voice became guttural and hoarse soon after when the dark blood started to flood his mouth. Joel pulled his hand away, panting heavily, and soaked in the suffering of that bastard whose face now resembled a smashed, bloody goo.

Not enough.

It was unfortunate that the blond was the only one left Joel could take it out on, but he couldn’t find any compassion in himself at the moment. So he punched him again, staining the floor with the scumbug's blood.

And again.

“Joel.”

Joel turned around sharply, grasping the thug’s knife. He could still feel rage churning inside of him and he was breathing heavily, trying to contain the fury filling him without screaming out loud. His hands were covered in blood – not his – and he subconsciously knew that the man lying motionlessly under him was long since dead, his face completely destroyed, but he wished that son of a bitch was still alive so that he could feel the suffering Joel longed to inflict upon him.

Everything because he hurt you.

You…

The ringing in his ears stopped suddenly and the knife fell out of his hand when he ran up to where you were still lying on the floor. You were curled up on your side with your arms wrapped protectively around your stomach and your face twisted in pain.

Joel’s breathing got quicker, now for an entirely different reason, when he noticed that the cut on your neck was bigger than he originally thought, and still bleeding. Your face was bruised and he knew your whole torso will probably turn green and purple soon, too.

“Oh, babygirl,” he whispered tenderly, his trembling hands hovering above your body, but not touching it. “It’s…” It’s alright, he wanted to say. Or maybe, where does it hurt the most?

He had trouble finding his voice, though. In his fury he completely forgot that you were still here and in need of his help.

You took a deep breath and turned your head ever so slightly to look at him in the corner of your eye. A sad smile appeared on your face.

“Hi, Joel.”

Joel breathed in. Out. In again.

For fuck’s sake, what was he thinking?

He quickly wiped the blood of the people he killed on his pants and cursed at himself mentally.

“Hi, darlin’,” he murmured in response, focusing back on you. “You’re gonna be alright. How are you feeling?”

“I think I might have a broken rib or two,” you breathed while Joel pulled out a clean piece of cloth he carried in his jacket for cases like this one and pressed it against the cut on the side of your neck. You winced and he felt a pang of pain in his own chest.

“Can I check?”

You let go of your stomach with a strangled gasp. Joel started to gently feel your torso, trying to discern if he could feel any broken bones or signs of internal bleeding. He kept his touch as delicate as he could, not wanting to hurt you even more, or worse – scare you.

He couldn’t stop his hands from shaking, though, no matter how much he tried to calm his breathing. He wished he could hold you as securely as he held his gun, with a quiet heart and sharp focus, but the fear of accidentally hurting you made his fingertips recoil at times.

Although you two knew each other for years now, you were never a witness to this cruel side of him. You knew about it, of course, of horrible things he’s done before he got to Boston and met you. A couple of times you even saw with your own eyes snippets of these primary emotions of fear or anger overtaking Joel’s mind and body.

But never like that. Never with such ferocity, hatred and satisfaction from hurting those who did the same to you.

He just really didn’t want you to be afraid of him. You were so precious to him and often he thought those brutal hands of his, which he knew were guilty of inflicting unimaginable pain and suffering, weren't worthy of touching someone who in his eyes was so delicate and pure.

But it never stopped you from seeking his touch, and although Joel could be stubborn and tough at times, he didn’t have it in himself to ever refuse you anything – even when he knew better.

That was always the case. His judgment and mind were clouded when it came to you.

“I don’t think anythin’ is broken,” he finally said in a quiet voice, cupping your cheek gingerly and turning your head to look at it better. “But the nose probably is. How did it happen?”

“They jumped out on me in the hallway,” you answered, not meeting his eyes while he gently touched the base of your nose. Then you looked to the window against which the still pouring rain was beating. “One of them punched me when I shouted for you. I thought you might have not heard me.”

“I heard you,” he murmured and sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. You came for me pretty quickly, so–”

“Not that. M’sorry you had to see… this.”

To that, you didn't say anything. Joel felt his heart clenching on itself and almost stopping from the wave of terror that washed over him.

His treacherous mind was rushing him to defend his actions or make excuses – because if he doesn’t, if it turns out you’re scared of him and the things he’s capable of…

You might leave him. And if you leave, Joel won’t survive that.

But he didn’t give in to those cruel thoughts and silenced the voice in his head.

“I’d do it again,” he said quietly, making you lift your head. “In a heartbeat. I’m really sorry you had to see that, darlin’, but I… just know I’d never hurt you. And if I can help it, no one else will either.”

“Hey.” Your knuckles brushed his cheek and you looked at him with sad eyes. “You don’t need to explain yourself. I know you did it to protect me.”

“I wanted them to suffer,” he continued as if you didn’t say anything, but at the same time he soaked in the feeling of your soft touch on his face. “I don’t know how much you saw–”

“Joel.” You sat up with a wince after interrupting him, and your gaze turned sharp. “Why are you telling me this?”

Even though the bloody, battered mess that he made of the blond man seemed to push itself into Joel’s field of vision, he refused to look away from you.

“‘Cause you need to know. I feel like I’d be lyin’ to you if I didn’t explain that it wasn’t an accident or a one-time thing,” he answered, his eyes flickering from your neck to your face, and down to his own stained hands. “Couldn’t think of anythin’ else after I saw you like that, on the ground and…”

“Listen to me.” You took his head firmly in your hands and your gaze was unwavering – like you wanted to make sure that your every word will reach the depths of his soul. “I’ll say it again: you don’t need to explain. I get why you did that. And don’t even think you’re gonna drive me away because of that.”

You knew him too well. Sometimes it was slightly annoying, sometimes even scary.

This time, however, it felt reassuring.

You looked to the side where the body of his last victim lay, and Joel grimaced, gently touching the edge of your jaw and tilting it back to him. “Don’t look,” he whispered, realizing with surprise, as well as a horrible lump in his throat, that he felt almost ashamed.

Your bright eyes met his again and he briefly wondered if your gaze always was so scrutinizing.

“I’m not scared of you,” you said sternly, like always knowing what was going on in his head. “I'm not, so stop thinking that.” You shook him by the arm a little and when he didn’t answer, the corner of your lips tugged upwards in a teasing manner. “I’ve seen you multiple times in the morning. I know you’re secretly a big softie.”

Joel really didn’t deserve this kind of kindness and understanding from you. That didn’t stop him from craving it, though.

He didn't say anything – just leaned in and kissed your cheek tenderly, lingering there for a moment but paying attention not to brush your nose. You exhaled and closed your eyes, your eyelashes tickling his skin, and he decided not to drag this conversation on any longer.

“Come ‘ere, sweetheart. I’ll help you up.”

He stood up and held out his hand. It was rough and covered in blood, but even after you saw what he did to those men and heard their screams, you didn’t hesitate to take it.

“Joel,” you said gravely after standing up. There was no trace of your previous smile on your face. “If you were the one in danger, I’d do the same thing.”

You were looking at him expectantly, clearly waiting for an answer, and after a couple of seconds he nodded slightly. Apparently it was good enough for you, because you just squeezed his hand and tugged him after you and out of the room.

Joel didn’t know if he believed you.

But your words made him feel calmer and cleared his clouded mind nonetheless.

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mirasantidotes · 1 year

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It Ends With You - Chapter 2: "Hey there, darlin'"

(GIFs not mine.)

Read chapter 1 here. This cannot be read as a standalone.

Summary: After Joel talks to Tommy about you, he goes back to the bar the following night to strike up a conversation— hopefully to get to know you.

Character Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!oc

Content Warnings: soft!joel, flirty!joel, nothing bad ever happens at tommy's, eventual established relationship, hella slow burn, ellie making fun of joel, alcohol consumption, oc is referred to as you, cussing, mentions death of parents, the usual tlou traumatizing shit tbh

WC: 1.8K

Divider by: saradika

Joel's day was longer than it needed to be today. He's spent all his thoughts on how he should strike up a conversation with you. It had to be perfect. Tommy had warned him that you had a sort of roughness to you— but Joel desperately wanted to look past that. He wanted to make a good impression on you. He worked his mind all day on you while doing some work around town for Tommy. But Tommy was right; you did have rough edges— more than most, dare you say. You had a lot of shit you went through growing up; you grew up during a pandemic, for fucks sake. You lost your mom when you were a kid, and you only had your dad to take care of you until he inevitably got shot in the head in front of you by a couple of raiders who were trying to steal your belongings.

You not wanting to let people in was the understatement of the century. You're scared they're going to get hurt because of you. Despite this, you did have a few friends— your bandmates. Even though they were your friends, you have trouble letting them get too close and personal with your feelings and thoughts. You don't mean to come off as cold or rude, but in this world, in this time? It's what keeps you alive. You can't let people in too close anymore, not with the way people will walk right over you for just about any reason nowadays.

You went to Jackson because you wanted to escape that. You were tired of running away from everyone. You always wanted to settle down somewhere to call home, but once you got to Jackson, even though most people were friendly to you, you still had a hard time letting go of the past behaviors you've spent your whole life developing. You've grown used to being alone— pushing people away— and pushing your own emotions out the window so far so that you make yourself believe they don't exist, but oh, they do. Every time they come up, it's like someone took a giant bag of bricks and swung it right at your body, breaking every bone possible and stomping on your heart until it's shattered. That's why you didn't let people in. Afraid everyone you let close would do that if they knew how much of a heartbroken woman you've grown to become.

You want Jackson to be different— you know you're safe here and that you don't have to worry about raiders or the infected anymore, but you haven't quite met the person who makes you willing enough to push past that wall of emotions you've been slowly building up all these years. You can fend for yourself— hell, you've done it your whole life, even before everything happened. You need someone who won't hold you back from what you know you're capable of.

—

Joel finally managed to finish the work his younger brother put him up to— and holy hell, was he tired. Evening came, and he managed to slowly but surely walk his exhausted body to the bar, just hoping that he would see you there.

As usual, on weekdays, you would pack up your guitar and meet your bandmates at the bar to play some old-timey music that reminded you fondly of your father. He taught you how to play the guitar before the pandemic hit, and you never put it down after that. You worked hours every day learning your favorite songs, which were influenced mostly by your father.

You fondled the bracelet on your wrist as you walked into the back of the bar; 'Ness' was engraved on it— something your father managed to make a few months before his death. You cherished it like nothing else. You meet up with your friends, instruments in hand, as you walk up onto the stage. You begin your set list— your calloused fingers were already pained from the practice you've been doing all day in your 'home.' Could you even call it that if you felt so out of place in this town?

—

Whiskey being Joel's favorite, he ordered a few glasses from the same bartender as the previous night, gulping them down relatively fast. The liquid took its quick path into all the different crevices of his worn and pained body and slowly began to numb it, giving him a slight buzz of tipsiness. His gaze occasionally drifted to you as your hand glided down the guitar's neck, pressing firmly against the strings as you strummed them with your other hand. Your focus never once drifted to him, though— you frankly had no idea who he was or even noticed he was there. You didn't notice anybody— why would you? You had yourself, and you didn't need anything more than that.

Finally, you managed to finish your set list for the night. Most people had left the bar by now to sleep for the night. Your throat was sore and dry from the singing, and your fingers stung like hell— they felt like they were about to fall right off your hand. You opted to sit down at the now relatively empty bar, trying to get comfortable on the old wooden stools. You couldn't even get your first drink up to your mouth to sip before someone settled into the stool right next to yours. “Hey there, darlin',” you hear the man speak, “Ness, right?”

You didn't like when people called you Ness— it was something that only the people you chose were allowed to call you. Specifically, your father— so who the hell was this old man calling you by your nickname like you two were buddies? “It's Vanessa,” you say bluntly, sitting down the glass of alcohol you still haven't gotten the chance to sip from yet. You look over to look at the man— his scruffy beard and mustache with his salt and pepper locks, paired nicely with brown eyes— you couldn't deny he was attractive, but you had absolutely zero time for thinking some middle-aged man was cute by any means.

The man nods, “The name's Joel,” he says, looking at you with his own glass of alcohol in his hand. You stare at the man, waiting for him to continue, “I'm new 'round here,” he finishes, pursing his lips in the sense of heavy awkwardness in the air. His southern drawl was heavy from the alcohol, and his face was not too far from your own, and you could smell the alcohol radiating off his body. This man has got to just be some drunk, right?

“Welcome to the town, I guess,” you say, looking away from him before lifting your glass to take a sip. The liquid coats your raw throat, making it sting just for a quick moment.

“Thank you, darlin',” Joel says, taking a sip from his own glass. “I was wonderin' if I could get to know ya?”

Get to know you? Who the hell is this guy? You question the man ‘why’ candidly, not looking at him, instead swirling the drink around the glass you're holding.

“Well, I— I saw you up there the other night, 'n I just wanted to talk to ya,” he says, looking down at his glass before sitting it on the bar the two of you were leaning on.

“So, you saw me the other night and came back again just to talk to me?” You question him, raising your eyebrow slightly. “You're damn determined. I'll give you that.”

He chuckles, “What can I say, darlin'? You're one of the prettiest girls in this town,” he says cheekily with a smirk as he takes another swig of his drink.

You scoff at his comment, “Fine, get to know me then,” you say before you take another sip of your drink, copying him. Little did you know, that one sentence would set you into motion for one hell of a ride with the new man in town— and you'd know soon enough just what you got yourself into. The two of you speak for the next couple of hours, and though you would still reply quite bluntly, you can't help but feel a tiny bit warm inside at how kind the man seemed to be— he was polite with his questions and didn't make you answer anything you didn't feel comfortable answering.

—

Before you knew it, the bartender kicked the two of you out of the bar so she could go home, leaving you standing awkwardly in the summer night's chilly weather. “I guess I'll see you 'round then, darlin',” he says, turning to you.

“Guess so, Joel,” you purse your lips as you look down at your feet and make them play with the ground below you. The two of you say your goodnights to each other before you both turn to walk to your houses, only to go in the same direction. “Your house this way too, or you just that hooked?” you jokingly question him as he walks beside you, making him chuckle before nodding.

“Yeah, my house is down this way too,” he says, looking over at you.

Joel had decided to walk you to your house, only to get there and realize his house was across the street. “This is my house,” you say plainly, stopping in front of your porch and crossing your arms across your chest.

Joel nods before looking over his shoulder and back to you, “Mine's right across there, actually,” he says calmly. You groan internally; you'll actually have to see this man more often than your cold heart wanted to. You nod before telling him goodnight once more and turning on your heel to walk inside, leaving Joel standing there.

—

Joel watches you walk inside your house before turning back and making a beeline to his own house, arm crossed across his broad chest the whole way. Tommy wasn't kidding; you did have an attitude problem. Joel only hopes to be able to break past that rough exterior to see the sunshine in you he knows is there. He just has to figure out how— and he's damn determined.

He walks inside his house, Ellie's sudden voice startling him, “You meet someone, old man?” she says, laughing lightly.

Joel grumbles as he kicks off his worn boots, “That's none of your concern, kid,” he replies, pointing at Ellie as he gives her a stern look, accentuating his southern drawl. Ellie lets out a small laugh at the grump of an old man she's living with as he walks himself upstairs.

Joel had just lost Tess, and it was hard— really hard, on not only him but Ellie too. Were you somebody who could heal Joel's brittle heart with your lost sunshine?

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal character #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal fluff #pedropascal fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fluff #joel miller pedro pascal #joel miller x fem!oc #joel miller x oc #it ends with you fanfic

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mirasantidotes · 1 year

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working on chapter 2 to it ends with you rn 🫶🫶 ill probably have it done by late tonight or tomorrow! i really like it so far; it delves into vanessa's feelings and why she is the way she is. joel and her also meet in this chapter— im honestly really excited to see them interact and watch how they grow together. for now heres a little sneak peek into vanessa's character ♡♡

You want Jackson to be different— you know you're safe here, and that you don't have to worry about raiders or the infected anymore, but you haven't quite met the person who makes you willing enough to push past that wall of emotions you've pent up all these years. You can fend for yourself— hell you've done it your whole life, even before everything happened. You need someone who won't hold you back from what you know you're capable of.

#mira's notes #it ends with you fanfic #pedro pascal fanfic #joel miller fanfic #joel miller x oc

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mirasantidotes · 1 year

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A New Home (Pt. 2)

Joel Miller x Curvy!Female Reader

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Word Count: 11k

Warnings: 18+ (minors DNI)

Body insecurity, age gap, brief alcohol consumption, dirty talk, size kink, brief mention of male masturbation, grinding/dry humping, vaginal fingering, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected vaginal sex, brief cumplay

◆

A/N: Here's part two! I meant to post this much sooner, but life has definitely gotten in the way. I hope you enjoy my babies (:

Co-written with @fishingforpike

◆

Joel Miller Masterlist

Join My Taglist!

◆

Falling back into his old routine is easy, he’s been doing it for years now. He goes to work, attending his scheduled patrols and contributing to the town wherever the council sees fit. He does his part. Back and forth, home to work, work to town, back to home. When he came to Jackson, all he wanted was rest, routine. And after some time, that’s what he found. While this was an easy pattern to return to, something has definitely changed. One small detail, but big enough for him to notice.

You were constantly at the back of his mind.

Everything he did was just like before, his work was just as good, he took care of himself and Ellie adequately. But behind every daily movement, there you were, your kind smile and dazzling eyes. Your voice, and the way you spoke to him. The interest you showed him.

“So, are you gonna tell me?”

“Huh?” Cocking a brow, Joel grumbles, turning to look over his shoulder at his adoptive daughter.

“What’s been making you so depressed?”

Turning back to the eggs he’s cooking, he hides his sigh. “I’m not depressed.”

“You come home every day just to lay in bed. You don’t even go to Tommy’s anymore, man. I call that depressed.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Walking over to the table, he slides the food onto their plates.

“Well I’m gonna.” But Joel doesn’t respond, just sits down to eat. Eyeing him up and down, Ellie’s lips form a stern line before she finally decides to venture into particular sensitive territory. “Is it because of her?”

She doesn’t know it, but the wound of you was re-opened only a few hours ago, and is hurting even more than before. He’d wandered over to your house, knocking on the door. He just wanted to see you, was worried about you. But you didn’t answer, didn’t even look out a window. Nothing. And where else could you be?

“Ellie.” Joel warns, his tone wavering slightly.

“What happened, Joel? It was only a week but I dunno, you seemed pretty happy.”

Dropping his utensils, they clink against his plate. “It just didn’t work out, okay?”

He’s fuming about this, chest rising and falling while his eyes fixate on the wooden table.

“But why?”

“Ellie, this is none of your business.”

“It is when I live with the big grump of a man that you are!”

“Ellie!”

“What was it? Was it her? Was it you?” She feels like she has a right to know. You’re new to town, and could’ve been new to their family.

“It wasn’t either of us, okay? It was just the, the circumstance.”

Before Ellie can say another word, there’s a knock on the door. Joel’s younger brother taps his knuckles against the wood before letting himself in and calling out for them. A routine between their small family.

“Joel?”

Groaning, he rolls his eyes. “Yeah?”

Trotting into the kitchen, Tommy walks up to the table, looking between the two of them.

“What’s uh… what’s goin’ on?”

“Joel won’t tell me how he fucked things up.”

“Ellie, you’re stepping over a line!” Pointing his finger, he glares at her, Tommy’s brows raising at the interaction.

“Woah, woah… you talkin’ ‘bout…” Pointing behind his back, he’s referencing you, your house across the way.

“Yeah! Who else?!” Tommy grins and Ellie’s outward sass, sliding off his gloves while sitting down.

“Hey,” He calls to his brother, his voice gentle. “C’mon, man. What really happened?”

A forceful breath is shoved out of his nose, those dark eyes darting over toward Ellie. And Tommy sighs.

“Why don’t you give us a minute, huh?” He tries to reason, offering a sympathetic glance.

“But I’m eating!”

“You can eat in your room.” That baritone voice booms, eyes watching Ellie huff as she stands.

Dramatically, she snatches up her fork and plate, stomping up the stairs.

“She’s a handful.”

“You don’t know the half of it.” Joel groans, rubbing his face.

“So, tell me.” Clasping his hands together, Tommy leans forward, watching his brother release a heavy sigh.

“We went to the bar,” Clearing his throat, he props his elbows up on the table, fingers intertwining.

“Oh, I’m surprised I didn’t see y’all.” Tommy’s smiling brightly, delighted to hear that Joel took you out on a real date. “When did you go?”

“That doesn’t matter, Tommy.” Furrowing his brows, he scoffs. “Clark was there.”

“Shit,” Rolling his eyes, Tommy inquires further, “Did he say something?”

“Basically called her fat.”

“Are you shitting me?!”

Again, Joel scoffs, shaking his head. “He embarrassed her, Tommy. Embarrassed her bad.”

“What did you do?”

“Went to say somethin’ but, she stopped me. Put her hand on my chest and just… wanted to go home.”

Now, Tommy quiets down. He hasn’t seen or heard from you in days, and was getting worried, too. Clearly this situation was bad enough to keep you away for so long. Your second date with Joel was two weeks ago.

“I sat with her, told her what I thought and… how gorgeous I thought she was. Still is.”

“And?”

“Said she needed time. I guess… it was just too much for her. Got her feelin’ insecure and, I don’t know if…” A shaky breath leaves his chest. “I probably wasn’t it for her.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, Tommy. I thought, I thought I was protecting Tess, keeping her safe but,” Glancing over at his brother, he shakes his head, an enormous amount of emotion in his eyes. “I’m a fucking fool.”

But instead of wallowing with his brother in his own self pity, Tommy scoffs. “Have you forgotten the man that you are?”

Looking up, those emotional eyes focus, brows deepening in their crease. “Huh?”

“Everything you did for Tess wasn’t for nothing, and you know that. I know you do. And everything you’ve done for Ellie? What about all that?”

“I don’t know, Tommy, I just -”

“Well I know.” He declares, cutting his older sibling off. “I know you’re better’n this. Better than talking yourself down and not realizing who you are. I’ve seen you be more resilient than this, Joel. If you want that woman, go after her.”

“Tommy I just, I don’t know if it would’ve worked out, anyway. I don’t think… I don’t know if she was actually interested in me… that way.” He’s so clearly gaslighting himself.

“Why would she go on two dates with you if she didn’t like you?” Ellie points out, shouting from the stairs.

“Hey!” Spinning around in his seat, he glares at her, having set up camp on the steps to listen in.

“She’s right, Joel.”

Releasing a frustrated sigh, he returns to sitting properly in his chair. “I wouldn’t even know what to do at this point.” With a heavy groan, he rubs a hand down his face, closing his eyes.

“Well…” Glancing over at Ellie, her face lights up with a grin, immediately hopping off the steps to come back in.

And when Joel hears her steps, he looks up, confused by her expression. But then he sees that Tommy’s wearing the same one.

“You still got that guitar?”

It’s intriguing, the sound. One you’ve yet to hear in Jackson. For being such a secure little town, you’d think music would bring it to life. But so far, all you’ve heard are nothing but quiet streets. But while the sound is new to your current home, you’re already growing to like it

Walking toward your window, you try to recall the tune. It’s slow and steady, and you’re not sure you can name the song it’s from, nor the person playing it. But the view from your bedroom quickly explains the situation to you.

It took everything in him to follow through, fearing that you’d just laugh at him. At best, he’ll win you back. And at worst, he’ll be rejected by you. He can’t stop thinking about that, wondering if this will be the final time you reject him. But when he glances up again, his thoughts subside into nothingness. His heart practically stops beating, and yet even through his fear, he’s happy to see your pretty face again. And even better, you smile at him.

“Fuck,” He breathes out, looking down at the strings again. “Time to sing, I guess.” Hell, he always wanted to do this when he was a kid.

Slowly, you slide your window up, wanting to get a better view of this. Nibbling on the corner of your lip, you rest on your knees with your elbows on the sil, wondering what exactly he’s up to.

With a deep inhale, he gathers every ounce of confidence before parting his lips. “I… haven’t done this before, but thought I’d give it a crack.”

Eyes widening, you listen to him, to the pretty voice he has.

“So, I’m kneelin’ here, tryna win you back.” Returning his eyes to the strings, he releases his anxieties, nodding. “I know what happened had a real impact, and I wanted to say that I’m sorry. But…”

Returning his gaze to you, he looks up as he sings, “I’ve missed you lately. I’ve missed my honey.”

While you’ve been apart, you have to admit that you’ve missed that southern drawl. The smirk curling on your lips betrays every negative emotion that’s been brewing inside you, every thought that had convinced you Joel was gone.

With another heavy sigh, he shakes his head. “That man was just dumb, to say what he said. I’ve seen him before and he’s just thick in the head.”

Giggling, you exhale a contended breath. He’s right, and being able to relax by yourself at home has led you to the same conclusion. That guy was an asshole and you’ve dealt with men like that all your life, and probably will for the rest of it, too. But that doesn’t mean you have to believe them.

"But that doesn't matter, because..." Looking up, Joel sighs dreamily, staring into your eyes. "You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. And if you want, it’ll be just you and me.”

As he says this, a cold rush of air sweeps through the street. And while he’s wearing his coat, he still shivers, groaning quietly.

“But… while I’m crouching down, I’m feelin’ kinda old.” Quirking an eyebrow at this comment, you grin. “‘Cause my back’s kinda hurtin’, from being in the cold.”

Poor baby, is the first thing you think. He really is doing so much for you, he’s doing more than any man has ever done for you.

“So could you do me the favor, of comin' down?” And when he sees you nod, he smiles happily. “And get back to scoldin’ me for being such a grouch.”

Sprinting down your stairs, you hadn’t even bothered to close the window or grab a coat before you’re running out the front door. Standing with a groan, Joel grins shyly, setting his guitar on your snowy grass.

A soft grunt is forced out of him when you hit his chest, arms wrapping around his neck. But his arms were open and ready for you, immediately circling your smaller frame. With his dominant hand rising, it finds the back of your head, lightly stroking your hair while keeping you pressed against him.

“Did you really mean everything you said?” You’re whispering into his neck, grinning when you see Tommy and Ellie’s heads jerk out of frame from across the street. They’d been watching the entire thing through their living room window.

“Oh, baby.” He finds himself feeling emotional, pulling back to look down at you. Sliding his hand down and around, he cups your cheek. He’s so happy that this worked, so happy to see you in his arms again. “Of course I did.”

Without even thinking about it, he leans in. But hesitancy then overcomes him, that is, until you reach up on your tippy toes to meet him. Reassurance and warmth fill his insides when your lips meet, leaning into the comfort of them. He missed this, missed the way you feel and smell and look. With his hands sliding down, they land on your hips, holding you firmly as you repeatedly kiss him.

“I missed you.” Your own palms move to his cheeks, petting at his silver scruff.

“You have no idea how much I missed you.” Looking into your eyes, he pleads, “Does this mean I can see you again?” And that deep southern drawl you love so much is now growing a little desperate. “Please?”

“Yes, Joel.” Nodding, you press your forehead to his, smiling. “Do you… I mean, are you busy now?”

Leaning down to grab his guitar, Joel lets you take his free hand to lead him inside. And before he’s through the threshold, he’s glancing back at Tommy with a grin. He’s proud of himself, and his brother is glad to see it.

Inside your home, that same guitar finds a place against the wall of your entryway, both of those strong hands returning to your hips. And when the wind is shut away by the door’s sturdy frame, there’s finally room for warmth inside your home.

Joel’s lips barely find time to leave your own, and when they do, it’s only for a breath. His kisses aren’t necessarily hurried but are merely passionate, sensual. And you return them with fervor, with small smiles and kitten licks over his lower lip.

“Mm…” It’s a deep groan, one you’ve never heard from him before. He liked your small lick.

It’s then that the wetness of his tongue finds your own, moaning into your throat when your hands rise to cup his face yet again. And the deeper your kisses get, the more his hands seem to tremble, the quicker his breaths have been.

“Joel,” Exhaling a small laugh, your palms lower to cover his quivering hands. “It’s okay…”

Gulping down your nerves, you hold his gaze, running his hands down your hips, around your lower back… all the way down to the space he hasn’t been able to stop staring at.

Innocently, his expression changes, lips parting and brows turning up in the center. With his fingers on your backside, you finally let go, your own petting at the scruff along his chin. His excitement almost dulls his reaction, unsure of what to do next. But your pretty smile prompts his adrenaline to rush through his limbs all over again.

“Fuck,” Crashing his lips to your own, he grabs you in hand, your small mewl nurturing his confidence.

Pressing you into the wall, he massages your backside, feeling the softness of it for the first time. Helplessly, he rubs himself against you, leaning and grinding into your hip. And the way he moans from the subtle contact is so beautiful, so light and airy as it travels into your mouth. He’s reveling in this energy, in the attraction you have for one another and the way you connect.

“What do you wanna do?”

“Hm?” Furrowing your brows, you lean back to look at him, but he doesn’t let you. His mouth is too determined, his sloppy kisses making you feel light-headed.

“You wanna make a decision now, or later?” He rasps out against you, his scruff scratching along your cheeks.

“About…”

“I want you to be mine.” With that emphasized word, his fingers twitch, fisting your ass.

“Really? I mean, are you, are you sure?”

“Hell yes I’m sure.”

“Why don’t we… go upstairs first.”

Staring down at you, his brow creases in confusion. “Why?”

Shrugging, you smirk, nibbling on the corner of your lip. “Think my sink’s broken again.” Slipping to the side, you talk his hand, leading him over to the steps. And Joel gives you an amused smirk, that look fading to gentle shock when you finish with, “I’m all wet again.”

“Cheesy fuckin’ line,” He drawls from behind you, putting his hands on your waist when you get to your bedroom.

Spinning around in his arms, you grin, “Made you smile, though.”

“That, it did.” With his hands lifting to your face, he brings you in, walking you back toward your bed.

Awkwardly, you reach out behind to feel for the sheets, quickly bumping into them. But while you’re fumbling around dumbly on your bed, Joel’s moving with a sense of coolness you’ve yet to see from him. He’s climbing over you, pushing you back into the blankets while he moves down to your neck. It’s like he can’t keep himself from you, wants to be pressed up against you.

“Oh, baby,”

“Joel,” Quietly, you whine, feeling his lips suck on the sensitive skin of your neck.

“Hm?” He mumbles against you, mouth unmoving. One of his hands travels up the expanse of your stomach, stopping just beneath your breasts. And again, he’s shaking, trying to calm himself from the excitement of this.

Sighing out excitedly, you smirk, eager to bring your thoughts to life. “You wanna take my shirt off, baby?”

“Oh…” Dropping his forehead to your shoulder, he groans, both sets of fingers finding the hem of your shirt. “Baby.”

Arching your back for him makes it easy, and it just as easily steals his breath. Dropping your shirt onto the floor, his eyes are immediately on your chest. But yours, are on him. His face is priceless, he might as well be drooling. And everything about this moment, about him, is making you feel so fucking sexy.

“I’ve been waitin’ for this…” He sighs, shaking his head.

“You want me to be yours, Joel?” And just saying it lights a fire in your belly.

With a sure face, he nods, eyes returning to your own. “Yeah, honey. I do.”

“Then show me how good it feels.”

“Fuck.” That’s all the permission he needs.

Diving down, he shoves his face into the softness of your breasts, still covered by your bra but he honestly couldn’t care less. This is the most he’s ever seen of you and goddammit he’s already so embarrassingly close to losing his shit.

“Joel,” Your fingers card through his graying hair, cradling his head while he starts to suck on your chest.

He bites into your flesh, groaning while he does it. And his hands are lifting to cup you, too, fingers kneading you through the material of your bra. He almost can’t stand it, being so close to you. Desperately, he wants to ask for more. But he worries more about pressuring you.

Shoving his thoughts away are the palms of your hands, landing on his shoulders and haphazardly pushing the material away. Without even thinking, he complies, thick fingers dipping down to undo the buttons on his front. And while he’s working on that, you work on yourself. Easily, you unclasp your bra, watching his eyes widen as it falls away.

“Jesus Christ,” Shucking off his shirt, he’s back on you in a matter of seconds, hot mouth covering your already pebbled nipple.

He revels in the way you moan for him, basking in the knowledge that he’s causing it. Now, his hands really do massage you, fingers pressing into your sweet flesh over and over again while his mouth continues to suck on it. And while you love the way he feels, his warm, strong hands fondling your chest, you also wish you’d had more time to admire him. He moved so fast after he took off his shirt that you barely had time to look at him, but you’re promising yourself that you’ll get that chance again.

Joel’s tongue rolls over your skin, stimulating your sensitive peaks while cupping your soft flesh in two muscular hands. And then he’s burying his face into you, shoving your breasts up against his cheeks. An amused smile forms alongside your sigh, fingers skimming through those pretty waves of hair. But then he does something unexpected, something that makes your insecurities bubble into your throat.

Moving downward, his dominant hand moves across your stomach and sides, dragging all the way down to your belly button. He caresses you gently as he goes, his fingers now toying with the hem of your pants.

Glancing up, he sucks in a deep breath, deep brown eyes meeting your own. “You tell me if it’s too much…” He whispers slowly, eyes dipping to your lips before they’re met with his.

Joel kisses the breath from your lungs, moaning as he presses himself to your lips. Moving with him, you shuffle your legs, spreading them as his fingers dip past the edge of your pants. Inside, your heart leaps from your chest, pounding against your rib cage when he finally touches your panties. His muscles twitch from it, breaths becoming shaky as he rubs you through them. It’s slow, firm, his fingers finding your most sensitive spots and grinning wildly when he does.

“Joel…”

“Can feel you throbbin’,” He huffs out against your lips, eyes still closed as he pulls your panties to the side. “You’re so wet…” It’s already all over his fingers, and he hasn’t even touched your bare sex yet.

You can feel it, the vulnerability creeping in. And although you still have the cover of your lower garments, you still feel extremely exposed to him. But it doesn’t matter, you know he won’t take advantage of it. He won’t take what isn’t his.

“You want this?” Joel nearly chokes out, his throat going dry. He’s stilled against you, fingers hovering above the place that needs him most.

Fingers curling into his hair, your chest rises with an inhale, exhaling a genuine, “Yes.”

Delicately, his middle finger glides through your opening, his head quick to drop down on your chest. Turning his head, Joel kisses your plump skin, sighing, and rubbing his digit across your wet skin.

“Feels so good…” He whispers over your body, suctioning his lips to the curve of your chest.

Inch by inch, he slides his middle digit in, all the way until it’s fully nestled inside you. A breath of relief is released in unison from the two of you, your hips shifting upward into his hand.

He’s thick inside you, far bigger than your own fingers. It fills your insides more than you’d originally thought, because of course you’ve thought about this.

It’s sloppy, the way he licks you, running his tongue along every inch of your chest, flicking the tip of it over your nipples while his finger retracts. With a languid pace, he pumps it into you, groaning when you tighten around him. He can only imagine how it would feel if it were really him, if it was the erection currently throbbing in his pants. And at just the right angles, his hand rubs over your clit, rolling the heel of it against the delicate pearl he so desperately wants to suck between his lips.

Your hands haven’t left his head, and now, they’re guiding him back to your lips. Happily, he lets you guide him, your mouths colliding while you shake beneath his body. And still, your tongue meets his, arms wrapping around his neck to pull him further in.

His moans, the way his facial hair scratches across your skin, the way he flexes above your body, makes you feel engulfed by him. He’s consuming you, touching every part of you that he can, reaching and pawing at the curves of your ass and chest, all while curling his finger against your most sensitive places. And then, he’s adding another, doubling the pressure of your sweetest sensation.

“Beautiful,” He mumbles, making his way down to your neck. “Sound so beautiful for me.”

“J-Joel, baby, I…”

You’re rotating your hips upward, reaching for the friction of his hand. And through it all, you’re clinging tightly to him, sighing pretty songs into his ear.

“You gonna do it for me, honey?” Kissing your ear, he groans. “Please do it for me…”

Already, you’re shivering from it, the euphoria he so easily brings to you. You weren’t sure what to expect when it came to this; you were maybe even a little worried. But so far, Joel is shoving aside any and all doubt. He clearly knows what he’s doing, and he isn’t afraid of showing that to you.

“Been dreamin’ about this since the first time I saw you, saw this gorgeous face…” Lifting his hand, he cups your jaw, the web between his thumb and forefinger settling beneath your chin. “I wanna please you, baby. Wanna feel all over your body…”

“Joel,” You’re tugging at his hair, mouth agape as you gasp.

He’s leaning into you as it happens, burying his face in the slope of your neck. It rolls through you, the pleasure of it growing gracefully. Eyes closing, your back arches against him, but Joel keeps you down. He continues shoving his fingers into you, feeling the way your fleshy walls cling to them. And he rubs you with the heel of his palm, too, all while pressing sloppy kisses to your neck.

Grunting against your skin, he feels you shiver, your limbs clinging to him. But he suddenly feels himself sadden, the more you begin to relax beneath him. He doesn’t want this moment to end.

“Baby, I…” He’s gasping, as if he was the one that just came. “I don’t…”

Lifting both hands to his cheeks, you bring him back to you, silencing his stutters. Your lips meet, the press of them sweet and passionate, searing. And the small whine that you breathe out against him makes his center pulse, finally sliding his fingers from your lips.

Before Joel can stop himself, he’s glancing down, staring at his wet digits. He watches his palm leave the luscious space between your thighs, enamored with everything about you and this moment. Licking his lower lip, he sighs. “Can, would it be, can I…”

Watching him stumble over his words is just so cute. He’s constantly flustered by you, he can’t believe he’s finally doing this with you, laying over your half-naked body and begging for more. Again, he wets his bottom lip, unable to form the right words. But thankfully, you do.

“You… want a taste?”

Instantly, he’s looking into your eyes, gulping heavily; your brazenness prompting a redness to rise to his neck and face. He hasn’t tasted a woman in years, far before the outbreak. But he’s thanking god you just offered it.

Joel’s gaze never leaves your own, his expression softening as he watches as you reach up, gently cupping his hand. Nibbling timidly on the corner of your lip, you push forward, guiding his fingers toward his own mouth. And he just sits there, watching, unable to take action in this erotically tender moment. But the second those two fingers are past his lips, his eyes are closing, an incredible groan rumbling in his chest.

“Hm…” Grinning, you lean in, kissing his cheek. “You’re so cute, baby.”

For a moment, he sucks on them, running his tongue along the length of his digits. Your taste is… sweet, sexually refreshing. He’s needed this, he needs you.

Shocking him out of this moment is your gentle touch on his jeans, fingertips moving delicately. With his free hand, he captures one of your own, shaking his head.

“W-What?” His action surprises you, embarasses you.

“You don’t have to do that, baby.” His voice is calm and kind, incredibly soothing as he cups your cheek while kissing the other. “This was about you.”

“Joel,” Grinning widely, you ring your arms around his neck, holding him. “Are you sure?”

“Baby,” He sighs, shimmying his hands between your back and the mattress so he can hold you tight. “I’m just so happy you let me do that.”

“Let me make you happier.” You insist, combing through his hair.

“It’s late, honey. Don’t worry about that, really.” Lifting his head, you witness the beauty of his face, of his graying stubble and dark brown eyes, his curved nose and the one dimple he has nestled in his cheek. “Maybe I’ll be lucky enough for you to offer that another day.”

Giggling, you shake your head at him. “Whenever you’re ready, baby.”

Joel then settles into you again, both of your bodies shifting as he moves to hold you from behind, just like he’s been wanting to. He’s not sure if you want him to stay much longer, and honestly, you aren’t either. Regardless, you kick off the rest of your clothes, wanting to feel the other’s skin. And after such a sexually intimate moment, it’s nice to have a tender one, too.

His chest tightens, eyes closing as he tries to steady his breaths. The last woman he ever held was Tess, and when she was in his life, he didn’t see any reasonable way another woman would replace her. Not when he depended on her so much throughout the outbreak. And during the outbreak, it seemed like the world would never change. This situation, right here and now, is something he never thought he’d get again. The last woman he held without the worry of clickers around was Sarah’s mom, and now, he can’t even count how many years ago that was. That thought alone reminds him of all the loss he has harbored inside him, all the people that he’s been forced to let go. But he can’t go through that again, he knows it would just kill him. And now that he’s been gifted the absolute angel of you, he’s hoping he’ll never have to deal with that kind of loss ever again.

While Joel’s emotional thoughts run laps in his head, he finds ease in the action of holding you, of feeling your calm breaths. You’re holding onto his arms as they sit wrapped around your midsection, resting back against him. And before you even realize it, your eyes are drifting shut, slumber easing your body further into the bed.

“Honey?” Joel whispers, wanting to catch you before drifting off to bed.

“Hm?” You return kindly, rubbing his forearm. Somehow, it feels like you’ve known him forever.

“Tommy, he uh…” Joel can smell your pretty hair, allowing the scent to help him relax. “He’s havin’ a bonfire tomorrow night.”

As soon as he says it, your belly tingles with excitement, waiting for him to ask you. Will he take that step with you? Now that you’re with him?

“Would you wanna come with me?”

He can barely finish his sentence before you’re releasing a giddy, “Yes.”

The last time he did something like this is when Tess brought him to have dinner with Frank and Bill. He doesn’t normally do things like this, casual socializing. It helps that it’s his brother, though. And that Ellie won’t be attending. He loves her more than he can even find words for, but tonight is a couple’s event. He doesn’t want to worry about her sass.

Joel is met with his proper appearance when gazing into the mirror, a deep breath exhaled slowly as he thinks. He’s wearing Frank’s flannel again, something physically and mentally comforting. His hair has been combed, his facial hair trimmed and brushed. He’d even gone into town to buy a new cologne for you. Something to accentuate the smell you already love.

Amidst his nerves, Joel feels excitement. He doesn’t care if he’d laid with you in your bed only last night, he misses you. Being apart made him long for your touch, for your sweet smile and kind voice. And he’d been feeling this way for hours, ever since he left your house. After you’d fallen asleep, Joel took it upon himself to gather his things. He didn’t want to move too quickly or pressure you. In the midst of him leaving, you awoke, small tears in your eyes until he’d explained his reasoning. And it was something you respected.

Surprisingly, you come to him. Knocking on his door, you bounce giddily on your heels, waiting for him to answer. You’re thrilled to be able to introduce yourselves as a couple for the first time. You’ll also be able to meet Maria for the first time, too. And usually, you’d be nervous for something like this. But with Joel involved, you’re blinded by happiness.

“Look at you,” He grins, stepping out onto the porch. Quickly, he realizes that your outfits are matching. You’re wearing a pair of jeans, tight jeans, and a red sweater that compliments the red tones in his flannel.

“Is this okay?” Unable to help yourself, you step closer to him, hands sliding up to his neck.

“You look gorgeous, sweetheart.” He grins against your cheek, pressing his lips to you. “Never seen so much makeup on you.”

“Is it too much?” A nude shade colors your lips, concealer hiding any potential flaws with a modest amount of eyeliner and mascara accentuating the features of your eyes.

“Didn’t I just use the word gorgeous?”

Rolling your eyes, you sigh, feigning annoyance through another kiss to your cheek. “You ready, honey?”

Intertwining your fingers with his, you nod, letting him lead you down the street. And while walking, he does his best not to outwardly oggle you. He knows that as soon as he’s able to, he’s going to get a good look at those pants. They look like the ones you’d been moving in, the ones that immediately caught his attention. The way they hug your hips makes his insides stir, the creases between your crotch and thighs making his body heat rise.

Even through your chilly walk, Joel’s insides run hot. And as soon as you’re at Tommy and Maria’s door, he lets you walk in first, granting him that view he’d been searching for.

“My eyes are up here.”

Snapping his gaze upward, he meets his brother’s shit-eating grin, slapping his palm against his.

“Shut it.” He grumbles, accepting his quick embrace.

“How’s it goin’ with her?” He inquires quietly, closing the door behind Joel.

“Good,” Joel grins, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “Real good.”

“So, uh…” Glancing over his shoulder, he watches Maria lead you further into the house. “What happened last night?”

“What do you mean?” Joel chuckles, “You saw what happened.”

“Nah, after you two went inside.”

“Went pretty well,” Glancing down, he grins. “Went upstairs, and… now we’re here.”

Tommy eyes him, raising a brow. “Not gonna spill any details, huh?”

Grinning, Joel looks further behind his brother, shrugging.“Those jeans serve her right.”And it’s those very jeans he’s eyeing right now.

Almost instantly, Maria led you inside, thrilled to meet you and show you around their home. She brings you to the kitchen, showing you the food she’d prepared and where to find the drinks. She also shows you the bathroom, insisting you tell her if there’s anything you need.

It’s easy to admire the home you’re currently walking through, Tommy and Maria have put so much love into it. Pictures of their journey as a couple hang on the surrounding walls, pieces of the life they built displayed proudly. It’s cozy here, too, throw blankets adorning the couch and loveseat, a candle lit on their coffee table as a minimalist centerpiece. It has a very specific charm to it, something akin to a ranch. And you figure, you might as well be living on one.

“So, I never really took Joel for a singer.” Maria smirks, sipping from her cup.

You can’t even hide the grin growing on your face. “Honestly, neither did I. I didn’t even know he played the guitar.”

Chuckling, she crosses her arms, thinking to herself for a minute. “From what I heard, Joel was a pretty mean man before Ellie came around. And now, seems like you’ve softened him even more.”

“Yeah, he doesn’t seem so mean anymore.” Turning, you watch the two men pass by the kitchen, making their way to the backyard. But before walking out, Joel reaches for you, giving your hand a brief and gentle squeeze.

When he’s gone, you sigh, feeling all fuzzy inside. “He can be so sweet.”

“He seems it.” And she never anticipated that before you came along. “Tommy’s the same way.”

“Really?”

“Sure,” Shrugging, she nibbles on the corner of her lip. “He’s… giving.”

“Giving?”

“Yeah, well, you know we’re on our second kid, right?” Laughing, she raises a brow, reaching for her glass again.

Oh, you think to yourself. Oh.

“But I don’t expect you to know about that, not from Joel.”

“What? Why not?”

“I mean, you’re only just now together. Unless… you’ve already seen him like that?” Holding her cup with both hands, she grins, just barely tilting her head.

Glancing out the side door, you take a look at the guys, currently gathering some of Tommy’s firewood. Joel has rolled up his sleeves, the muscles in his forearms twisting and turning. And when he leans down, you can see his flannel stretch across the broadness of his back. Altogether, the sight makes you sigh, wondering what he’s really like in bed.

“Maaaybe.”

“Really?! Holy shit, you have to tell me. I’d love to know what that grump of a man is like in bed.”

“What?!” Busting out a laugh, your face twists slightly in confusion. “Why the hell would you want to know?”

Shrugging, she replies, “Honestly, I just never thought I’d see him with a woman, not like this.”

“Well, I guess they’re more alike than we thought.” You return with a sassy grin, her brows now raising sky-high.

“And that means?” She prods further, loving the girl talk she’s constantly deprived of. Even though Maria wasn’t all that girly, talking with another woman has been surprisingly refreshing.

Thinking back to the beginning of your conversation, you settle for answering with, “He’s pretty giving.”

“Hey, honey.” Joel grins, turning toward the sliding door.

The two of you walk out into the nighttime air, greeted by the warmth of your partner’s smiles and the fire they’ve built. And as soon as Maria is in her seat, she’s smiling, huffing out an amused chuckle.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Joel this excited about a woman.”

Reaching for her hand, Tommy sighs, a happy sound. “Yeah… think I can second that.”

Their comments make you blush, fidgeting slightly in your stance. Averting their gaze, you inhale a breath, feeling like a lovestruck little girl. And when Joel sees your nerves bubbling to the surface, he reaches over, hands securing to your hips. Immediately, your eyes widen, feet shuffling to the side as he pulls you over to him. Spreading his legs slightly, he guides you backwards between them, pulling you gently into his lap.

“I guess you’re special, huh?” He hums, kissing your cheek, those strong hands tightening on your hips. And Tommy and Maria are just shocked to see him like this.

Even though you’re only with two other people, you’re flushing like a fool. No one has ever been so openly affectionate toward you. And it seems like Joel couldn’t care less about being so visibly loving. But in his head, this is solid, it’s defined and real. You’re finally his.

“Tommy, been meanin’ to ask you,” He then says, his facial hair gently rubbing along your neck. “Her bedroom window needs some better insulation. Been far too cold up there, think we could get to fixin’ that?”

Turning, you eye him, grinning. You’d never mentioned that before.

“Sure, we have some materials in town. Has it been causing any serious problems? Has the heat been working fine?”

“Yeah, heat’s been fine. Furnace is doing its job for the time being.”

Truthfully, this conversation is baffling you. How the hell does Joel know all of this about your home? Has he really been paying such close attention? He did help fix it up, after all. But to focus on such minute details? Maybe he really has cared for you since you met.

“How do you know about all of that?” Whispering, you turn in his lap, only deciding to ask when Tommy and Maria have left.

He shrugs. “Felt a draft.”

“And my furnace?”

“Wanted to make sure you were livin’ okay.” That sweet smirk then forms on his face, his dimple shining through. “Don’t need you freezing.”

“Hm…” Humming, you shift on his lap, sitting over his left thigh. “You’re pretty cute, baby.” Reaching up, you cup his chin, grinning. But then, your smile drops, and quickly.

For just a second, Joel adjusts in his chair, grunting a bit. Eyes widening, you gulp, a certain fear brewing in your mind. Am I too heavy to be sitting on his lap?

“I-I can move.”

“Huh?”

“I can sit in a chair, if you want.” Nibbling on your lower lip, you sigh, trying to steady your breath.

“Now why would you do that?” He asks, nuzzling his chin into your shoulder and neck. And while Tommy went to get more wood, and Maria chose to retrieve a few drinks, Joel’s already feeling warm and dizzy just from your presence.

“I just, I don’t want to hurt you…” When he lifts his head again, he frowns, clearly still confused. “I mean, you… adjusted.”

At this, Joel releases an amused hum. “Sweetheart, it’s okay.” He mumbles to you in that deep voice, his hands smoothing over the fronts of your thighs. “Just getting comfy, is all… I love havin’ you on my lap.”

His affection is dizzying, your face burning hot all over again. Seeing Joel’s more forward side is making your insides turn to mush. This older man holding you, touching you… kissing you like he’d been in need of it while fingering your quivering cunt. The recent memory has you inhaling a shaky breath, muscles tightening above him.

“And you know what?” He then asks, and you turn your head to the side, inquiring a small, hm? “Feels good, too.”

You’re gone, you’re fucking done for. The organ inside your chest is nearly breaking free, your lungs trying to steady themselves desperately. And while you’re trying to keep your composure, Joel sighs, both hands still rubbing your thighs.

“Feels good to have you snuggled on my lap.” Easily, his fingertips pick up on the clench of your thighs, certain that the space between them is growing wet.

“Just let me know if I’m bein’ too forward, honey.” He tells you sweetly, but you immediately shake your head. “No?” He asks, almost teasingly, but wanting to read you right.

“No.” You whisper in response, the word airy and expressing your anxious excitement. “I like it.”

And hearing you say that lights a fucking fire inside him. Instantly, he’s returning to last night, to when he had his fingers knuckle-deep inside you. He’d wished so desperately that it was him, he’s gotten off so many times to the image of it. Of him finally fucking you. Slipping between your legs and stuffing you full, grabbing onto the softness of your thighs, your hips, repeatedly pulling you into him. And if he had an ounce of decency left in him, he’d be embarrassed by how rapidly he’s growing just beneath your ass. But he doesn’t, he’s not a decent man.

“Well, then I might as well tell you…” Leaning in, he kisses your cheek again, whispering, “I love feelin’ your soft ass against me.” And that’s when his hands slide back toward your hips, gently squeezing the meat of your outer thighs.

“Hm,” He groans, giving his head a quick shake. “You really do get to me…”

“Baby,” You giggle, glancing up to make sure no one’s on their way back.

“Did you like last night? Hm?” Now, he’s really grabbing hold of your thighs, releasing a harsh breath against your neck.

“Yes,” You don’t mean for it to come out like that, high and airy, almost a whimper. But it does, and it kills him.

“All those pretty sounds… shit, I need ‘em again.”

“I want it again.” Nodding, you swallow, leaning back against him.

Before either of you know it, Maria and Tommy are back again and settling into their seats. Turns out Tommy decided to skip out on more wood, and Maria is claiming these will be their last round of drinks for the night.

“Babysitter’s been calling, updating us on the baby. We hadn’t realized it’d gotten so late.” Tommy says with a sigh, tipping back his bottle.

“That’s alright,” Joel’s gruff voice answers, giving your outer thigh a small tap. “We understand.”

Briefly, he thinks about what it’d be like to have another kid. It’s wishful thinking, obviously; he’s getting ahead of himself. But what’s the harm in daydreaming? Maybe if he had another girl, he’d give their middle name to Sarah.

“It’s been really nice having the two of you over.” Maria comments, offering a kind grin. Getsuring between her and her husband, she explains, “We don’t get many visitors.”

“We’d love to come over more often.” Joel returns, almost immediately. “Right, honey?” He then inquires genuinely.

“Yeah,” Nodding, your insides tighten with emotion, already feeling so familiar with him. “I’ve really loved this.”

Friends weren’t something you’ve had in multitude throughout your life, let alone family. Maybe you could really grow with these people, make a real life in this town. Something calm and quiet, peaceful. Maybe you and Joel will settle down.

These sweet thoughts continue to form on your way home, Joel’s hand securing to your own the entire way. The snow has died down, although not completely. Small stars of frost collect along your hair, even your lashes, too. And glancing down, Joel thinks it’s the prettiest he’s ever seen you.

“Would you maybe want to come in?” You ask him, staring up at him with so much kindness. He’d expected the invitation, but that doesn't mean he wasn’t still overjoyed to receive it.

Stepping inside with a shiver, the two of you shove off your coats while stomping the snow off of your boots. And now that you think of it, Joel’s right, there is a small draft. Maybe he’ll be able to warm you up tonight. You hope he sleeps here this time.

“We can go upstairs?” You then offer, turning and holding both of his hands. “I can wash up and then maybe we can talk?”

Talk? Immediately, his thoughts swirl with worry. Oh god, what did I do wrong? Was I too much back at Tommy’s?

Swallowing nervously, Joel simply nods. “Okay.”

Becoming comfortable with your home, he finds himself sitting on your bed while he waits. He’d been here only last night, after all. Just across the hall, he can hear you freshening up, washing the makeup from your face. And then there’s the soft sound of clothes, likely you changing into something more comfortable.

“Is, um… is everything okay?” Once you’re in the bedroom, he can’t help himself. He’s brewing with anxiety, brows folded almost innocently.

And all you can do is sigh, stepping closer to him. He’s sitting on the side of your mattress, legs slightly spread. And you step between them, reaching out to cup his handsome face.

Quietly, you admit, “I haven’t been this happy in so long.”

Pulling him in for a tender kiss, he breathes out his relief, heart soaring from your admission. “Baby,” He sighs in that deep southern voice.

“Sit back on the bed,” You gently instruct, grinning from his already rapid breaths.

He does as you say, shuffling back until he’s against your headboard. Watching you with eager eyes, he sees you climb up, crawling toward his lap. And if this kind of scene didn’t get him going, he doesn’t know what will.

“Is this okay?” Your voice is sweet, alluring, dripping from your mouth like tasty honey as you settle directly over him. “You said you liked it before…” Shrugging, you offer a flirtatious smile. And lord, is he loving this side of you.

“Yes,” Nodding, he leans up to find your lips again. “Yes.”

With both hands on his face, your kisses deepen, fully leaning into each other. And you can practically feel Joel’s fingertips shaking on your hips, trying to not dig in or wander; even though he’d done so much more less than a day ago. Smiling against his mouth, your hands leave his face, falling to the tops of his.

Sliding his hands further down, he groans into your mouth, feeling you guide him to the ethereal softness you have. Immediately, he’s grabbing you, pawing at you with both hands.

“Fuck me,” He mumbles against your mouth, voice guttural and deep.

Rolling your hips forward, his lungs stutter in his chest, feeling you drag your covered sex directly over his lap. Grinning, you take advantage of his flustered state, fully grinding down on him. And when he gathers himself, he encourages you, shoving your hips forward with every roll, fisting your ass in his hands and moaning openly when you push back against the broadness of them. And still, your tongue slides against his, tasting him, mouthing at him, doing everything you can with him.

“You wanna see me again, baby? Huh?” Teasingly, you speak to him, whispering sweetly against his lips.

“Oh, yes; god yes, please - please.”

Easily, you lift your shirt from your midsection, revealing to him your lack of undergarments. Your breasts fall before his face, those brown eyes completely ogling you. Before he even gathers the decency to ask, he’s leaning in to suck on them. But that’s alright, more than alright; you would’ve said yes.

“Joel,” Fiddling with the collar of his shirt, you sigh. “Can you take yours off?” He’s sucking on your nipple, pulling at it with his lips. “Can I take your shirt off, baby?”

“Yes - yeah, baby.” Nodding, he stares up at you in awe, licking languidly over your chest while holding your eye contact.

Lips parting, and now forming a timid smirk, your fingers fall to the line of buttons keeping him from you. He grins when you do it, opening his shirt with hurried fingers and then shoving it off his shoulders. And now, you see him, his broad chest and softening stomach, the few hairs he has, including the little trail leading down to his pelvis.

“C’mon,” He grunts, grabbing onto your hips. “Don’t stop now.”

Giggling, you return to him, cupping his face as you bring yourself in. And you expect to stay like this, rubbing yourself over his lap again and again, but Joel changes your positioning. Rolling over with a huff, he lays you onto your back, his pelvis nestled between your legs. At this point, he’s so turned on he feels like he can’t even breathe, his one hand continuing to grab your sweet thighs while the other keeps him above you. And his mouth hasn’t left, either, repeatedly meeting your lips, sliding his tongue inside so he can taste your spit.

You feel like you’re somewhere else, no longer plagued with your everyday burdens in a post-apocalyptic world. Because right now, it’s him, it’s all him. His body, his face, his breath and his moans, the way he touches you, the way he smells.

“Joel,” Moaning quietly, your fingers once again find his graying hair, curling into the strands ever so slightly. “Baby…”

But you’re not calling for his attention, he knows it. You’re only saying his name, reminding yourself that this is the man you’ve grown to trust. And you finally feel safe with someone like this.

And now, his hands are falling to your hips, fingers hooking into the hem of your pants. He can feel himself getting carried away, adrenaline rushing through his veins, his breaths erratic and ragged. And his next move makes your own breaths nonexistent.

Lowering himself alongside your pants, he begins to kiss every inch of exposed flesh he sees. His lips find the insides of your thighs, his arousal prompting his confidence to shoot higher than he can even believe. And he intends to continue, until you inch away from him.

Immediately, he’s lifting himself, those baby browns full of concern and worry. “Are you okay?” He asks, stopping every one of his motions. “Is, is this alright? Did I go too far?”

“No! No, I… I just…” Sliding your feet along the bed, you lift your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around them as you sigh. This isn’t new to you, and it’s not really new to him, either. He’s seen this side of you. “I… don’t like how I look, Joel.”

Gulping, he frowns, a concerned crease in his forehead. He makes sure not to move, though, not wanting to make you uncomfortable. But honestly, he doesn't know what to say. Even though he’s seen this side of you before, it still surprises him.

“I know you’ve said you do, but… I just don’t. And most men don’t, either.”

“Baby,” Sliding further up the bed, he moves himself to your side to put you at ease. “You’re so beautiful, you’re so beautiful.”

You feel embarrassed by these emotions, and honestly, you expected him to be sick of them by now. Nobody wants to hear someone complain, especially about their own body. You thought this all would have turned him away, or at least turned him off. But it doesn’t seem that way.

“The second I saw you, I…” His eyes trail over you, a gentle shake moving his head. “I felt like I couldn’t help myself.”

Pouting in thought, you wonder aloud, “What do you mean?”

“Honey,” He sighs, almost dramatically. “You’re… so fucking sexy.”

Of all things, those were the last words you expected to hear. But then he keeps going.

“All I wanted to do was touch you, grab your thighs and feel how soft you were. And you are, you’re so soft, baby. You know how hard it was for me to keep my hands to myself tonight? Feelin’ your sweet ass snuggling my lap? Every little move you made rubbing against me?”

It’s starting to make you grin, his words and overt expressions. And the more he talks, the more expressive he seems to become, leaning in to place his warm hand on your thigh.

“Even after you said no to me, I kept comin’ back. You know why? Because you’re gorgeous, sweetheart. You’re so pretty, you’re so curvy, and you look so good to me.”

“Really?”

“I want you to see yourself that way, too.” Joel continues, eyes glazing over your body. He’s passionate about this, about you. “It breaks my heart to know you don’t. But I need you to know that I do, I like how you look, baby. I fucking love how you look. Your body isn’t something I’m just okay with or wish would change. I love it.”

With your emotions completely rising to the surface, you reach for him, bringing him to you once again. And he fully leans into it, pressing his lips to yours with something between a whine and a moan.

“I want you, honey. But if this is too much for you, we don’t have to do this. Not tonight, not until you’re comfortable.”

“No,” Shaking your head against him, you lean in, pressing your forehead to his. “I want it.”

Easily, he slides back between your thighs, hovering above you. Both broad hands find your thicker thighs, fingertips rubbing your soft skin as he sighs. And just like before, he moves himself down, gently dragging his lips over you.

“So sweet,” He mumbles, pressing a timid kiss to your inner thigh. It’s an experimental act, he’s waiting to see what you’ll do. Moaning softly, you grin, spreading your legs a bit wider for him. “So soft…”

Joel sees the cellulite on your legs, his fingers pressing harder into your skin and watching the dimples further indent. And he loves it, he loves your squishy-soft thighs. Letting himself go, he begins to explore, lips and teeth sucking on your smooth skin. But he doesn’t stop there, he makes sure to pepper all your insecurities with his loving nibbles. And before he knows it, he’s leaving splotchy marks on your body, groaning while he soothes the sting with tender little licks. He’s worshiping your body, the curves you’ve been so insecure of in the past. Because it’s almost in the past; he’s changing the way you see your body.

“Oh, baby,” Joel’s voice is muffled, that deep southern tone making you tingle inside. “Please let me taste you.”

With almost embarrassingly quick movements, you lift your legs, encasing him between them. The soles of your feet rest on the comforter above your bed, settling on either side of Joel’s midsection.

“Yes,” Already reaching for his hair, you whine, feeling the heat from his breath fan over your most sensitive space.

And even though you’re still covered, he kisses you, your very center, over the thin fabric of your panties. It makes you shiver, inhaling a sharp breath when he finally pulls them to the side.

“Oh,” He groans, face going slack at the sight of your bare skin right in front of him. “Fuck me.”

Leaning in, he kisses you again, feeling your body jerk beneath his hands. Securing them to your hips, he sighs, sliding his tongue up through your lips.

“J-Joel,”

His response comes as a short grunt, pressing himself further against you. He licks into you, slowly, deeply, his eyes fluttering shut as he tastes you once again. The facial hair along his cheeks and jawline tickles your skin, rubbing against you as he lifts himself to your clit. Inhaling sharply, you reach for his hair, feeling him suck your reddened nub between his lips.

Leaning forward, Joel wraps his arms around your hips, holding you against him. Passionately, he mouths at you, feeling your pelvis roll up in time with his licks. And he loves the way you’re pulling on his hair, the subtle sting exciting him. Moaning into you, he feels his chest tighten, his lungs stuttering as he continues to indulge in you. He’s licking repeatedly past your folds and returning every few seconds to lave his tongue over your clit, reveling in the way you shake for him. And he’s so fucking hard that it hurts, sliding his hands to the side of your waist, lowering down to the pretty little divots in your hips, holding them just like he’s always wanted to.

“Baby, baby,” He’s gasping, mouthing at you and sucking on your clit. “Oh, I love this. You’re so sexy like this.”

“That’s so good,” Rolling your hips up, you tighten your hold on his hair, eyes pinching shut as you finally experience this with him. “That feels so good…”

“You’re so sweet, baby. Such a sweet girl…” You can feel his hot breath, his stubble rubbing roughly against your thighs. “I want you to be mine.” It’s expressed in one long, heated sigh. And even though he’s sure that’s what this is, he’s sure you’re already his. He wants you to say it again.

“Baby,”

“Will you?” He pleads, right hand reaching down to squeeze your backside. “Please. Oh, please.”

“Joel… yes, baby.”

“Yeah?” He asks, and he wants to slide a finger into you so badly. But baby steps, he tells himself.

“Yes!”

You feel so incredibly close to him, how could you not with his face buried between your thighs? The way he sucks on you makes your head spin, your chest heaving from it. With your back arching, you feel yourself begin to unravel beneath him, your thighs shaking around his head.

“B-Baby, baby… yes.” Gasping, you cling to him, feeling his arms secure on their hold around you.

He’s so strong, fully capable of holding you down while you cum in his mouth. And he can feel it, the hot rush of it washing over his tongue, the sweetly tangy taste of you fucking consuming him.

“Jesus,” He’s grinding down into the bed, grunting from the barrier of his jeans still restricting him.

Turning his head, Joel licks you clean, running his tongue all along your inner thighs. And it’s overkill, but it’s sexy as hell.

“Baby,” Giggling, your body jerks beneath his touch, feeling sensitive.

“Honey, can I?” He’s then begging, whining against your leg.

“You wanna fuck me?”

Head shooting up, he nods it at you. “Please.”

He doesn’t waste any time; as soon as you say it, he’s shuffling back off the bed to stand. Hurriedly, he undoes his belt, popping the button on his jeans before pulling down his fly. Watching intently, you see his pants drag down, collectively pulling his boxers away from his body.

The first thing you notice is his hair; he isn’t trimmed too neatly, but isn’t exactly bushy. And your mouth waters from the sight of it. He’s hanging heavy and uncut between his legs, his shaft glistening from the slow drip of his prespend.

“Baby…” You intend to sit up, already reaching out for him, but Joel’s body presses you back into the bed.

“Honey,” He moans, voice muffled from the way he shoves his face into your neck. Easily, he’s back between your legs, one hand lowering to hold himself above your sex. “You want me, huh? Want me inside you?”

“Yes, baby.” Naturally, your arms lift, clinging to him. “Please.”

He rubs the tip of himself over your still wet center, chuckling briefly from the sensation of it. The head of his dick taps against your clit, forcing your body to jerk and shiver.

“Calm down for me,” He coos, that beautiful voice deep and gravely as he speaks to you. “Just relax while I slide in…”

“Joel,” Heartbeat pounding in your ears, you gasp, feeling the subtle pressure of him.

The grunt you receive in response is deafening, the boom of it echoing in your ear. It’s animalistic, the sounds coming from him as he continues through your center, feeling your warmth envelope him. He’s stretching you, the pain insignificant compared to the ethereal view of him. He’s sweating, a light sheen covering his skin. And when his pelvis meets your own, you release a heavy breath. He’s here, he’s in your bed. Joel is naked in your fucking bed and sliding between your thighs with the most restraint he’s ever had.

“Jesus Christ,”

“Fuck,” Tossing your head back, your lips part, walls throbbing around him.

“I don’t, wow.”

“What?” You giggle, fingers petting at his soft curls .

“You… just feel so fucking good.”

“Then move,” You tease, turning to kiss his cheek. “I wanna feel you, baby.”

Your soft words make his eyes roll back, a soft groan spilling from his lips. And still, he does what you say, slowly retracting his hips. The forward motion of him diving back in is even better than the first, somehow prodding deeper into your center. Your legs lifting to his sides is what does it for him, feeling your body encase him, pulling him closer, deeper.

“Baby,” Grunting, he rolls himself against you, thrusting harder with every motion he gives. “Sweetheart.”

Lifting your hips, you sigh, feeling the firm drag of him along your walls, his erection weighing heavy inside your sex. And every harsh rut prompts a subtle rub over your reddened clit, his pelvis brushing over your own as your bodies move together in unison.

“I don’t think, ugh, fuck.” Lowering his hand, he grabs onto your left hip, pressing you down. He uses this as leverage, fucking into you harder, faster, teeth coming out to bite at your neck. “I’m not gonna last, honey. Not like this.”

“I don’t care,” Your voice is light and airy, fingers tugging on his dark brown hair, every part of you pulling him in. “Fuck, I love it. I love it, baby. I love the way you feel.”

“God, you’re mine. You beautiful fuckin’ thing.” He’s almost begun to ramble, his words quick and pace quicker. “Gorgeous girl, young little girl.”

“Hm, you like that, baby?”

“Oh, do I.”

You chuckle at his wording, gasping shortly thereafter when his tip punches against your sensitive inner flesh.

“Yeah?” He teases, fingernails digging into your skin. “Right there?”

“Fuck, harder. Please.”

Shoving his face into the slope of your shoulder and neck, he does just that, thrusting into you without abandon, the sound of skin slapping on skin ringing throughout your empty home. His sweat drips over you, his humid breaths washing over your neck. He can feel the scrape of your nails down his back, the strength of your legs pulling him in.

“W-Where?” He then asks, desperation lacing his tone. “Where, baby?”

“Pull out, please pull out.” You’d love to see him paint you.

As soon as you say it, he’s leaning back, pulling himself from your warm and welcoming walls. Joel’s dominant hand then comes down, fervently jerking his shaft over your lower tummy. Lifting your head, you watch with eager eyes, still gasping from the feeling of him.

“Ngh,” Shaking, he grunts above you, spurts of his spend littering your skin.

It comes out in ropes, the hot gooiness of it dripping over your belly. He reaches for your knee with his spare hand, gripping it harshly. Shaking slightly, he breathes through his orgasm, eyes glued to where he’s just came.

“Honey,” Comes that ragged voice, the word spoken through a sigh.

“I’m here, baby.” It comes out with more emotion than you’d meant it to, but you don’t regret it.

Instantly, he’s meeting your eyes, leaning all the way down for a sweet kiss.

“I want you.” He expresses wholeheartedly, arching his back so he doesn’t rub himself into his own cum.

“You have me.” You coo sweetly in return, reveling the feeling of his body heat.

“Wanna keep you.” Turning his head, Joel kisses along your shoulder and neck.

“I’m yours, Joel. I promise.” And you’d do anything to keep him. “Will you stay? Tonight?”

Releasing a heavy breath, he grins, the gorgeous expression evident against your skin. “Of course, honey. Of course I’ll stay, stay as long as you let me.”

400 notes · View notes

mirasantidotes · 1 year

Text

A New Home

Joel Miller x Curvy!Female Reader

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Word Count: 11.5k

Warnings: 18+ (minors DNI)

Brief alcohol consumption, some angst, age gap, size difference, curvy reader, body insecurity, brief body shaming, lil makeout session, mentions of sex, mentions of past trauma and loss, mentions of death

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A/N: Part two is in the works and will be posted next Monday! Co-written with @fishingforpike

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Joel Miller Masterlist

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It’s not safe, not like the world used to be. But in its own way, it will have to do. Not that you have many choices, anyway. And in multiple ways, you can’t complain. The community was welcoming, Tommy especially. It was surprising just how quick they were to accept you. Once your health scans were cleared, they were thrilled to have you. But you suppose a clean bill of health is all it takes to make friends with people these days.

“Anything else?”

“Um…” Glancing around, you take one last look at the truck, now empty. “No.”

You’re almost embarrassed by it. Three boxes? How do you not have more things? But Tommy just smiles, a warm expression you see when turning back to him.

“C’mon,” Jerking his head, he offers, “Let’s go see your new home.” Home.

If it weren’t for the occasional jingle of the box’s items a few paces behind you, his existence would have completely gone over your head. He doesn’t say much, not anything, really. Didn’t even bother to say hi, but you don’t necessarily mind. You like the quiet.

With each of you carrying a box, the walk is easy. Tommy would have driven the truck closer if your house wasn’t already right next to his.

“Right here,” He grunts with a small sigh, setting your box down on the lawn.

“This one is mine?”

“I know she’s not too pretty, but we plan on fixin’ her up. Right Joel?”

His wording prompts you to turn, eyeing the quieter man. All he does is nod, eyes furrowed as they look away into the distance.

“We’ve already got some furniture in there for you.” Tommy redirects the conversation, picking the box up once again. “And the key’s inside.”

The cement porch is small, with absolutely nothing on it. And the door creaks when it’s opened, but it seems sturdy enough to reassure you. Inside, it’s dusty, some of the windows still boarded with wooden planks. Peeling along the walls is a layer of floral wallpaper, the colorful hues faded from the time of its abandonment. It smells funny, too, like a funeral home. But it’s your home.

“I know it’s still a bit dark, but we’ll take care of that soon. We’ll even start today, if that’s alright with you.”

Smiling, you accept his offer with a small nod. “That would be really great, Tommy. Thank you.”

It’s still light out, only early afternoon. The wind is bitter, though, stinging your cheeks until you’re under the cover of this new space. You’re surprised they’re both willing to work in such extreme temperatures. Well, not necessarily extreme for them. But to you, it might as well be Antarctica. You never did like the cold.

Internally, Joel is thanking the Lord when you finally decide to wander about, curiosity leading you upstairs to your bedroom. With a sigh of relief, he sets your box down on the one table Tommy had given you. It has three chairs, and further in the living room sits one couch, and an end table. Not much else, but then again, some people don’t even have a living room.

Joel isn’t a clumsy man, but he’s been fumbling all over his actions and words since you stepped into town. Since Tess’s passing, he hasn’t really focused on other women. Not just because of her but because he just hasn’t had time to. Romance is a luxury he cannot afford, even in Jackson. He’s convinced himself of that. But it didn’t stop his heart from beating just a little too fast when he first saw you, your pretty face quickly distracting him. You’re gorgeous, which shocks him. With everyone struggling, nobody really looks… cute, these days. But you do.

Smitten isn’t a word he’d use, but Tommy definitely would. It was easy to see how taken Joel immediately was with you. Joel’s brother had never seen him act so dumb around a new woman. He was dropping things whenever you came into the room, stumbling over his words whenever you’d ask a question until you just stopped asking. You thought he was strange but really, Joel was feeling shy. He can’t even bring himself to make eye contact with you, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks far too quickly. It’s been ages since he’s been nervous around a woman, and he feels overtly foolish because of it.

Jesus, I need to get my shit together.

Watching Joel avoid you prompts a small feeling of self-consciousness inside of your belly. The first time you came down from your bedroom, he immediately dropped a hammer on his foot, quickly jerking his leg away with a firm fuck slipping from his mouth. Eyeing him suspiciously, you turned in the opposite direction, asking Tommy about your bed.

“I know it’s not much, but we -”

“Tommy, this is amazing. I just wanted to come thank you. I haven’t slept on a mattress in years, years.”

Without hesitation, you step in to hug him, an act Tommy wholeheartedly accepts. And Joel’s jaw clicks slightly when he sees it, finding himself feeling childish and wishing it were him. He’d call himself pathetic if he felt this way in general around women. But he hasn’t. What is it about you?

To distract himself, Joel works on the boards along your windows, tearing them down and fixing up any markings around the glass. It’s repetitive work, tear down, fix, tear down, fix. The wood will likely be used for a fire soon. There’s a fireplace in your living room, off to his right. Maybe he could offer that to you.

“Your name is Joel, right?” Stepping over gently, you approach him, intending to offer the same thanks you gave Tommy.

Straightening up, Joel’s eyes drop from your face to your body; not to ogle at you, but purely from the anxiety ballooning in his chest. Nodding, he sighs quietly. “Yeah.”

“Well, thank you. For everything. I… I really appreciate it.” You offer him your kindest smile and still, he looks away. He doesn’t know what to say.

It almost hurts him, your sweet smile. How he’d love to keep that expression on your face, to continue to be the reason for it. He remembers a time when Tess smiled at him like that, a time when he believed he was the reason for her happiness, a time where he was convinced he was keeping her safe. But that was never the case, Tess didn’t depend on him. Joel wasn’t the reason for her happiness, he wasn’t the reason she was safe. She fought for herself, and in ways Joel would never even know. He felt like a fool, trying so hard for a woman that didn’t need him.

But, but, the fact that you’ve gone out of your way to thank him, plucks at one of his heartstrings. Maybe his help is finally needed. You really can be sweet. And it only makes you more attractive to him.

“O… kay.” Voice wavering slightly, you end up walking away, wondering why he’s acting this way. So far, everyone’s been nice to you. So, what is it about him? Little do you know, Joel is just trapped in his own head.

“Hey,” Tommy nudges your shoulder when you return to the kitchen, testing the sink. Wow, running water.

“Yeah?”

“I know Joel can be a little rough around the edges, but he means well.”

“He’s ignoring me.” You’ve known Tommy long enough to call him your friend, one of the few people who’s allowed you in. You trust him.

“Yeah, I…” Rubbing the back of his head, he sighs. “I don’t know why he does that.” But Tommy does know, he can see the explanation written all over Joel’s face.

The Miller brothers take it upon themselves to make your house a home, Tommy bringing your boxes up to the bedroom before tearing down the old wallpaper scattered throughout the rooms. And Joel continues with the windows, chopping the wood into manageable pieces before tossing them into the fireplace.

“I have a proposition for ya.” Tommy then says, slapping his hands together to knock the dust off of them. “Maria’s making dinner. I’m gonna head over and I can bring some back to you?”

“That’d be really nice, Tommy.” Pleasantly surprised by his continuing hospitality, you grin. “I’ll be here.”

Patting your shoulder, Tommy returns your happy expression. “And I’ll be right back.”

On his way out, he passes by Joel, shoving his shoulder and knocking him a bit off balance. Brows furrowed, Joel glared at his brother, leaning in to ask why the hell he just did that. But before he can get the words out, Tommy’s grumbling, “Go say something to her.”

Joel grimaces, not from the push but from the words. But his brother means well, he should be more welcoming toward you. He’s just… nervous. But he can be friendly, all he has to be is friendly.

Once Tommy is gone, the atmosphere shifts. It’s not a huge change, just a slight… movement. Turning, you catch Joel’s wandering eyes, now immediately darting down. Raising a brow at him, you brush it off, just like you have been.

Originally, you found Joel quite attractive. You felt drawn to him as soon as you’d climbed into Tommy’s truck. He’s tall and handsome, older and growing into a silver fox. He looked hardened, and you pondered whether or not you could soften him. But Joel’s attitude quickly turned you away.

Going about your business, you find the last box, holding an assortment of your clothes. Bending down, your fingers find its bottom edge, and with one breath, you’re lifting it.

“H-Here,” Joel’s guttural voice finally speaks up. Taking a quick step in your direction, he reaches out, placing one hand on the edge. “Let me help.”

“I don’t need your help, I can do it myself.” Your recent thoughts prompt your quick snap. It feels childish, but his unintentional rejection has made you mad.

Your words shove down every ounce of confidence he’d managed to bring to the surface. Briefly, he wonders what he’s done wrong. But he knows this world isn’t as kind as it used to be; you don’t owe anything to anybody. Lowering his hand, he gulps, looking into your eyes before turning away. And something about your first, true gaze stirs something in your bones. But still, you make your way upstairs.

In your bedroom, there isn’t much, your mattress isn’t even supported on anything but a few wooden palettes. But there’s a fitted sheet on it, along with two pillows and a comforter. And the first time you saw it, the sight brought a tear to your eye. This is your home, you have a home again. There’s even a bathroom, there’s two! Two bathrooms in your house. A half-bath downstairs, and a full across the hall from your bedroom. Problem is, when you turn on the faucet, every drop of water sprays directly at you.

Your shrill scream can be heard from down the damn street, and you already feel foolish from it. But it surprised the hell out of you, and apparently surprised the hell out of Joel, too.

“What?! What is it?! What’s wrong?!” Scrambling up the stairs, he slips when he rounds the corner. Looking up, he finds you absolutely soaked. For a split second, he’s surprised, but all too quickly, a laugh is bursting from him. Turning over onto his hands and knees, he reaches for the plumbing beneath the sink.

“Stop! I can do it!” You angrily shout, leaning down and swatting his hand away.

“Please let me help.” He practically pleads, eyes going wide as he stares up at you.

Your hair is sticking to your cheeks and forehead, clothes tightening around your body. Gulping, he eyes you, the curves your clothing is so openly revealing. Immediately, you find what he’s staring at, wrapping your arms around your midsection.

“Does that mean I can help?” That deep voice calls out, watching you rush into your bedroom.

Harshly, you snap back with, “Fine!”

He’s not sure what he did to make you dislike him so much, but the entire situation has him grinning. Something about the interaction has changed the energy between you two. It’s perplexing, really. Even after your rejection, even after his personal turmoil, Joel finds himself wanting you. You seem so genuinely happy, and you've been kind to everyone… except him. But even so, you’re friendly, that much is true, and that’s so very new to him. And his level of attraction to you surprises him. He really can’t ignore it. And he knows you can take care of yourself, clearly, but he sees a pretty woman like you and immediately, he wants to care for you - protect you. It’s in his nature. You may not need it, but he wants to offer it. He wants to be your safety net.

“So, how’d it go yesterday?”

You’re upstairs unpacking, setting up your bedroom. Tommy thought it’d be a good idea to get some paint to spruce up the rooms, extending their stay.

“Fine.” Shaking his head, Joel tries to rattle the memory out of his brain.

“Well… what did you say?” Tommy pries, glancing over at his brother. He’d been painting the space next to your fireplace, stopping mid-stroke.

“Just… tried to help. I dunno.”

“Jesus, were you always this weird?”

“What?” Joel replies, offense in his tone.

“How the hell did you ever get a girlfriend?”

“Well, it hasn’t exactly been easy during a global pandemic.”

“Even before all of this.” Tommy points out, eyeing Joel beside him. “What’s making you so nervous around her?”

Turning back to the wall, Joel releases an aggravated breath. “This is hard for me, Tommy.”

“Why?”

“She’s pretty, alright?” He doesn’t even look at his brother, not quite sure how to explain it. “Pretty like I’ve never seen.”

“Then ask her out.” Tommy’s trying to keep his voice down, but his brother’s attitude is aggravating him, to say the least.

“She just got here, man.”

“Even better! Take her out, introduce her to the town. We just got done upgrading the bar.”

“Really?” Huh, that might not be a bad idea.

“Yeah, really.” Joel offers an unamused glare at his brother’s mockery. “It can’t hurt to try.”

And maybe Tommy’s right. He’s into you, that much is true. Joel’s only known you for half a day and yet, you seem to have him hooked. But while he has one foot leaping forward, he has the other holding him back. There are so many ways this could go wrong, he could ruin this town being your home if he fucks up bad enough. And he doesn’t want to bother you, even though it seems like he already has. There are so many other things he could do with his time but you’re occupying his mind.

What caught his eye before a single word came out of your mouth was your body. Your hips are wide, thighs bigger than most of the women he’s been with. You have a little tummy that makes him grin, that makes him feel the need to grab. Any pair of pants hugs your ass tightly, the jeans you wore today honestly testing his patience. And when his eyes rose to your chest… the sight of you took his breath. He’d give anything to touch you, to cup and squeeze your breasts. It takes everything in him to have a normal conversation when you’re around, because the majority of the time, he’s off in his own dreamland. But is that all this is? Physical attraction? It would be if you didn’t have such a fiery personality, your kindness still shining through. You’re a woman who can be hard when she needs to be, and he admires that, he respects that. Everything he’s seen, everything you’ve said, every fucking ounce of you is drawing him in.

Joel figures, since the two of you haven’t talked yet today, that maybe it could be a fresh start for the two of you. He knows you’re upstairs, so, with a heavy and encouraging breath, he makes his way up to you.

He does his best to be quiet, not wanting to spook you. Though, in retrospect he figures it should have been the other way around. Regardless, when he approaches your open bedroom door, he sees you crouched down. And Jesus, seeing you in these jeans forces out an internal groan from within. The way it hugs your curves, your hips, it’s making him lose his mind.

Standing from your crouched position, you sigh, turning to only be startled by him. But you don’t jump, your eyes just widen. And seeing that reaction intimidates him. You can clearly hold your own, and that coupled with your beauty makes him nervous all over again.

“Hey, I, um…” Shoving his hands into his front pockets, he swallows. “We’re almost done downstairs. And uh, Tommy… well, he knows this great bar, and -”

“The only bar in town?” You say, crossing your arms and raising a brow.

“Yeah… the only bar in town.” Joel mutters, sighing. He’s already fucked this up. “Well, I was thinkin’. Would you wanna go with me, there? Sometime? Maybe I could, I dunno, maybe I could show you around.”

At this, your eyes widen, the hairs above them raising. This was him asking you out? After ignoring you, randomly staring at you, and barely even responding to you, he decides to come up and say this?

“Thanks, but…” Turning, you crouch back down, going through your belongings. “No thanks.”

Without another word, Joel is spinning around. His ego is hurt, to say the very fucking least, and to reject his offer is one thing, but to completely reject him as a person is another. Why don’t you like him?

“Hey, how’d it -”

“I’m goin’ home.” Joel grumbles, already making a beeline for the door. He feels childish, but if you’re this adamant about not liking him, he might as well not even be in your home.

Joel’s naturally loud footsteps echo throughout the fairly empty house, his harsh push on the screen door making you look up. Standing, you peer out of the open window, watching him walk off. Turns out he lives kitty-corner to you.

Watching him go makes you feel bad, regret sinking heavily in your stomach. You’ve been so stubborn with him, and without any real reason. Sure, he’s acted a little strange, but maybe you misread him. Maybe he was just being shy. After being in survival mode for so long, you sometimes don’t know what to think about other’s expressions. For years, all you’ve had to do was focus on yourself, on simply staying alive. Will life in Jackson offer you more than that? Will it offer you the luxury of friendship? Of connection?

“Ellie?” He calls out, glancing up at the staircase only to be met with silence. “Ellie!”

Stomping around the house, he searches for her, having expected her to be home. There aren’t too many places to go in Jackson, and not too many kids for her to make friends with. One person she has befriended, though, is Maria. After a while, Joel supposes they just got used to each other.

“Jesus,” Joel grumbles, shaking his head as he storms out of the house.

Closing the door behind him, he makes his way over to Tommy’s, only just across the street. Knocking on the door, the first one to answer is the culprit herself.

“Welcome home.” Ellie greets with a huge, sarcastic smile on her face. It might as well be their second home.

“Why are you always bothering them?” Furrowing his brows, those hands gravitate to his hips, his signature pose.

“Joel! Come in!” Glancing past Ellie, he sees Maria, currently holding a bowl of pasta. “We’re settling in for dinner.”

If he’s completely honest, Ellie did most of the cooking between the two of them. Joel often bought snacks - bags of chips and canned goods. But Ellie enjoyed making meals, and he wasn’t one to complain.

“Well, thanks for havin’ us.” He nods, sitting down at the table after he’s closed the door.

“Any time.” She insists, scooching her chair in. “Do you know when Tommy’ll be here?”

“Not sure. I uh, left early.”

“Why?” Ellie raises one eyebrow, already digging into her food.

“Because I wanted to.” Joel responds sternly, wanting the questions to stop at just one.

Maria grins, twirling her fork. “Is it because of the new girl?”

Joel glances up from beneath his brow, annoyed that this conversation is even happening. He expected to be home decompressing, not talking everything out.

“No.”

“It is.” Ellie gasps dramatically.

“It definitely is.” Tommy adds on, walking in through the front door.

“Tommy.”

“And you know what, she’s got a liking for you, too.” Gesturing toward his brother on his way to the kitchen, Tommy watches Joel’s eyes widen at this.

After Joel left, Tommy took it upon himself to go upstairs and see what the hell bothered him so badly. He found you, still completely wet while searching for new clothes to change into. And after you dried off, the two of you got to talking. Tommy started to explain his brother’s intentions, how the pandemic has really hardened him. He might’ve even told you about Joel’s liking for you, and asked you to give him another chance.

“You think?”

“I think she’s warmin’ up to you.”

“This is so cute,” Ellie smirks, punching him on the shoulder. “The old man has a crush.”

Joel rolls his eyes, though a grin pulls on his lips at the new information.

“Am I gonna have a new mom?” Ellie teases, making Joel sigh.

“Don’t you have homework to do or somethin’?” And his random comment reminds him of Sarah. This type of banter was so typical between them. And he misses her dearly, but especially in moments like these. Ellie is happy for him, that much is clear. He thinks Sarah would be, too.

Maria talks about her garden for the remainder of dinner, that and Tommy’s dam. Every now and then, Tommy mentions the patrols and how they’ve been. Some were riskier than others, and Joel wasn’t looking forward to going back to them. He and Tommy had taken time off to gather things for you, but they still heard the reports. And whether they’re talking about hunters or clickers or the new vegetable they’ve grown, Joel’s just happy the conversation has shifted. Although he’s still grinning from his brother’s comment.

Maria and Tommy can talk up a storm around people they consider family, but after so long, it’s only natural that dinner comes to an end. And Joel’s happy to see Ellie stand when Maria starts to clean. Seems like her manners are finally starting to show through.

“Okay,” Tommy starts in a hushed tone, scooching closer to his brother. “What’s got you all riled up about this girl, anyway? I mean, she’s not exactly your… type.”

Narrowing his eyes, Joel wonders aloud, “What do you mean?”

“She’s curvier than your usual gals, isn’t she?”

For a moment, it looks like Joel zones out. He’s thinking about you. And with a subtle shrug, he sighs. “I don’t know… there’s just somethin’ about the way she looks, way she walks… I’ve seen the shape of her hips.” Briefly, he shakes his head. “Perfect ‘lil divots for grabbin’.”

“Oh…” Tommy grins, “So you’re into curvy girls now?”

Something about the way Tommy says it has him bushing. He’s almost embarrassed because he’s really been caught, he couldn't have hid this if his life depended on it. And it’s such a new revelation for him, so much so that it makes him antsy.

“It’s not just about that.” He explains, “She’s fiery, Tommy. I’ve seen her be nice but she’s got some sass.”

“That she does.” Tommy’s seen it, too. “But you can be pretty sassy yourself.”

Frowning, Joel chews his corner lip. “What do you mean?”

“Your looks aren’t exactly… friendly.”

“What?”

“Kind of aggressive.”

“And judgmental!” Ellie chimes in from the kitchen.

“Hey!” Joel quickly swivels in his seat, eyeing her.

“She’s not wrong. Besides, don’t you want to welcome her to the town? There aren’t many people her age here, it’d be nice if she had a friend.”

“She has you.” Joel comments, raising his brows both quickly and sarcastically.

“Yeah, but she could have you.”

“Wait, wait,” Ellie steps in, strolling into the dining room again. “How old is this girl?”

Tommy shrugs, “Mid-twenties?”

“Holy shit!” Wide-eyed, she stares down at Joel. “She’s like half your age!”

Groaning, Joel leans an elbow on the table and covers his face. He knew this was strange.

“Nothing wrong with that.” Tommy grins, already knowing Joel’s reasoning.

Leaving Tommy’s house, Joel feels… unsure. Not conflicted necessarily but different. He’s attracted to a curvier body now more than ever and it’s because of you. It makes him feel like he’s learning new things about himself. In a world so cold and hard, he just wants someone to hold, someone to hold him. Someone that’s just warm and soft. Someone to let in again.

“Just be nice.” He whispers, rolling his shoulders a bit. “Be nice and smile. Don’t forget to smile.” Small mumbles spill from his mouth as he looks into the mirror, buttoning his flannel. Ellie made sure to wash his clothes last night, wanting him to look nice. Joel insisted it was only him asking, not going on the actual date. But she didn’t care.

Digging deep down inside of him, Joel was able to find that sense of carefree excitement that came along with dating, with pursuing someone. You already said no to him, but he wants to try again, when he can present himself a little better. And knowing that you don’t hate him also helps. If you say no again, he’ll drop it, he wouldn’t want to force anything. And he especially wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable in a new town; you only just got here. But he’s decided that he’s going to try, he’s going to put himself out there with you.

“I can do this.” Nodding in the mirror, he sighs, trying to release his anxieties. “I can be… warm. Friendly.”

Looking to his right, he grabs the cluster of flowers he’d bought at the market this morning. He’d been out shopping for food, Ellie wanted to try a new recipe sometime soon. But when he came across the barrel of flowers, he knew it would be the perfect gift to give you. He’s not sure what kinds you like, but he didn’t really have many options. There was one bouquet that was particularly bright and perky, so he went with that one.

You’re only just across the street, so he doesn’t have much time to gather himself on the walk. He has to be ready pretty much as soon as he opens the door. And when he’s convinced himself that he has the confidence to do this, he makes his way down.

Today, you didn’t request Tommy and Joel’s help. You wanted some time to yourself, reassuring Tommy that you’d come to him if you needed any more repairs, or really, anything. He and Maria were more than willing to help. And while you appreciated this, you were looking forward to your day alone, which is why you were so surprised to hear a knock at your door.

“Joel?” Your voice wavers slightly, unsure of his reasoning for being here. But then your eyes drop to the colorful bouquet, and your brows raise a little.

“Hey,” His voice is deep and a bit ragged, just like it always is. The hand not holding the bouquet is shoved in his front pocket. And then he does something that surprises you, he smiles. It’s a nervous expression, but genuine. “How uh, how are you?”

“I’m doing okay…” Stepping forward, you move onto your porch, Joel still standing on your walkway. “What’s… what’s up?”

“I, well… I wanted to apologize.” When your brows raise higher, he continues with a slight stammer. “F-For my demeanor, the past few nights. I’m, well we… don’t get many women like you here.” Forcing out a small chuckle, he tries to keep his friendly grin. But he’s nervous.

“What do you mean women like me?” By your tone of voice, you’re clearly offended.

“Pretty.” Joel blurts out, deciding on full transparency. “I, I think you’re beautiful.” It’s the first time he’s said anything like this to you, and you’re clearly taken aback. “I wanted to try another shot at askin’ you out.”

“Why?” You ask, crossing your arms. Not defensively but protectively. You haven’t been intimate with someone in years; and pretty isn’t enough, in your opinion, to date someone.

“You seem kind.” Shrugging, he finishes with, “I’d just like to get to know you more.”

Now that, that is enough of a reason to date someone. A small smirk curls on your lips, deciding to respond with, “I’m not very kind to you.”

“That you aren’t.” Joel grins, and it makes you feel bashful. “But I haven’t been the nicest, either.” There’s a sparkle in your eye that makes him grin, one he doesn’t have to force to the surface. “And besides, I like a little sass.”

After his comment, a moment of silence passes, and your smirk only grows with it. It’s only the first time he’s flirted with you and you’re already burning up with excitement. To have this older man be so interested in you is beyond flattering. When you rejected him yesterday, it was because of his attitude, not because of his looks. Even with his graying hair and crows feet, he’s handsome, handsome and broad. Truthfully, you’re interested to see what he looks like underneath that flannel, if you even get that far. But really, you’re interested in getting to know him, too. He’s already shown that he’s not the callous man you thought he was.

“Okay.”

And with that, his insides light up. “Okay.” He returns with a nod, and an incredibly bright smile on his face. One so big you almost work up the nerve to calm him cute. Almost.

After that, things were easier than he could have imagined. Within minutes, you were setting up your date, you finally stepping down onto the walkway so he could give you the bouquet. Joel’s face was lit up with a handsome smile the entire conversation, something you haven’t seen before today.

“Well, I’m not doing anything tonight.” You offer, peeking up at him from beneath your lashes. Was that too eager of you?

If it were even possible, his smile grows. “Me either! I am, would you…” Pointing behind him, he offers, “Would you want to come over? I could make us somethin’?”

The idea of having your first date in Joel’s home, conversing over homemade food while it’s just the two of you, sounds so cozy to you. Nothing too fancy or expensive. Simple and sweet, just like first dates should be.

“That sounds really nice.”

Dreamily, he sighs. You’re already cuter than he’d imagined you to be. “Alright. Well I’m, I’ll go freshen up and… see you in a little bit?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Awkwardly, you exchange eager smiles and slightly wandering eyes, your hands on your bouquet while his are in the pockets of his pants. Slowly, you back away, retreating into your home. But even after you’ve turned your back, Joel watches you, smiling. He has a good feeling about this.

“She said yes?!”

“Yeah, that’s why I need you to teach me!” Joel replies impatiently.

“Joel,” Ellie states, very matter-of-factly. “The instructions are on the box. It’s not that complicated.”

“Well I -”

“Do you know how to work a stove?”

“Well, yeah…”

Slapping him on the back, she stares up into those dark eyes. “Then you should be fine. I’m going to Tommy’s.”

Filling the pot, he then sets it on the stove. “Stop buggin’ them!” He calls out after her, but she’s already through the front door.

“Hey!” She then says, a little too enthusiastically. And when Joel hears your returned hi, he’s spinning on his heels.

“So you’re the woman Joel likes.”

Rushing toward the door, Joel’s eyes scan your figure, your beautiful face. You’re wearing makeup.

“I’m Ellie.” Firmly sticking her hand out, you then take it, giving her your name. But as soon as Joel gets to the door, Ellie’s already running off.

“Sorry about that.” Joel laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

“That your daughter?” You ask, raising a brow while you join in on his small chuckle.

“Uh…” He trails off, watching Ellie make her way down the street. “Somethin’ like that.” After a moment, though, he snaps back to reality. “Oh, come in!”

It’s far too easy to see that this is all so new for him. But he’s trying, that much is true. So, you follow his prompts, walking into his home. And it’s clear to see that this is his home. He’s furnished it quite well, with multiple couches and even a small TV in the living room. The wallpaper is fresh and so are the coats of paint coloring the different rooms. But none of that surprises you. What catches your attention are his decorations, he has decorations. Pictures on the walls and books on the shelves, even a few plants near the windows. There are curtains and throw blankets and candles, too. Oh, how you've yearned for this sense of comfort.

“So I, um…” Joel begins to mutter while walking past you.

You watch him stroll into the kitchen, looking around. “I don’t have much but we… I got, that instant pasta?”

Grinning, you make your way over to the dining table, just beside the kitchen. While sitting, you sling your purse on the back of your chair, staring over at him. He continues to ramble while stirring the pasta he’d already placed in the boiling pot, but you don’t hear much. Oddly enough, you find yourself eyeing him, almost sizing him up.

“That sounds really nice but I…” The way you trail off makes him turn, eyes furrowing with concern. “I um…” Releasing an airy laugh, you then sigh. “I hate to be a burden, but I can’t have um, gluten.”

“Oh, shit.” Widening his eyes, he takes a glance back at the pasta, turning back with a hand held out to you. “I’m sorry I, I had no idea.”

“It’s okay Joel, I haven’t eaten it yet.” Your response makes him grin, happy with your reassurance.

“Well, we’ve got uh… oh! Actually…” Walking over to the fridge, he explains, “We just got some new fish. Uh…” And then he’s reaching in to retrieve a small, wrapped package. “Salmon?”

“That sounds great.” Joel watches as your cheeks plump up with your grin, your adorable expression softening him.

“Well,” Joel replies, releasing a breath while he begins to fry it. “I hope you like it. We’ve got broccoli, too, if you’re not…”

“No,” Laughing, you shake your head. “I’m not allergic to broccoli.”

For how nervous he was to cook pasta, you’re shocked at how quickly he’s able to prepare the vegetables and fish. Not only quickly but easily, so easily that it impresses you. Maybe you’re the reason he was so nervous. After all, that is what Tommy told you. But you can help to wonder… why is that?

“We uh, we’ve got water? Oh, and milk!”

His words make you smile. Nobody has much right now but he’s trying so very hard with you.

“Water would be great.”

The smile he gives you makes your insides stir; he looks so happy, almost careless. Nothing like how he’d been the few days after you met. And when he comes back with your drink, he’s still grinning, humming quietly.

“How…” Starting conversation is a little difficult, just because you’re not really sure what to say. Seen any good movies lately? Do you have any hobbies? What do you do for work? All luxuries of the past. But, you figure you can begin with the obvious.

“How did you make it to Jackson?”

At this, Joel gives his head a single shake. “Long story.” And then, silence. But he doesn’t want that. “How about you? Tommy said you were by yourself?”

“Yeah, I was living on my own. Have been since I was an early teen. My parents were, well… they ate a lot of bread.” You can chuckle about it now, but it wasn’t so funny then. “I have a gluten intolerance, so…”

“It was easy to avoid.” Joel finishes, nodding. “Yeah, I was on Atkins.” And then, he’s laughing too.

But when your laughter dies down, you sigh. Memories of the past bubble to the surface, the remembrance of your life beyond the city walls. With your tone hushed, you tell him, “It was scary out there.”

“Yeah, I know. It still is, if you find yourself in the wrong areas.”

“Where were you? Originally?”

Inside, Joel feels unsure. These are all questions he kept hidden away for so, so long. It was done with the intent to keep himself safe. But he told himself that he wanted this, and that means opening up to you.

“Texas. Made my way here from Boston, though.” He finally responds before gesturing in your direction. “You?”

Nodding, you swallow, staring at your plate. “Arizona.”

“Shit,” Joel cocks his head, “We coulda met even before all this.”

When you started thinking about home, something akin to sadness sank into your bones. But the way Joel changes the conversation’s mood almost changes something about you.

Smiling, you agree, responding with, “Yeah, we could have.”

“What did you do down there? Y’know, before all this happened?”

Looking up, you find those deep, dark eyes. They’re full of excitement and wonder, his full attention on you.

“Well, I… I was pretty young, when the outbreak started.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I was honestly a baby. Only four or five years old.”

Holy shit, Joel internally curses. Ellie was right, she’s so much younger than me.

“Is… that okay? With you?”

It’s the first time either of you have brought it up, your obvious difference in age. While you were attracted to Joel, you weren’t sure about this possible gap in maturity. And if you’re being honest, it was another reason for your initial rejection. But the second time around… you really couldn’t resist.

“You know…” He counters, his expression thoughtful. “Would it be strange if I said it made me like you more?”

His response makes you laugh, a big belly one, too. “Maybe.” Eyeing him, you smirk. “But I don’t know. Maybe I feel the same.”

“Really?” He’s teasing you, you just know it.

“Maybe.”

“Well, tell me about your interests, then. Let me learn about ya.”

At this point, you’re more interested in each other than the food, and you find yourself liking that. It’s honestly astounding how easy this is for the two of you. And at this point, Joel’s forgotten all about the pasta he was starting to make. Looks like that will be Ellie’s dinner.

“I really like to be creative, when I can.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Smiling, you think back to it, to a time when you still had acrylics and a canvas. “I’d paint when I was young, but can only really afford to find pencils and paper now. But still, I like to draw. I like to read, too. Keeps me distracted.”

“Sounds like an alright distraction to me.”

Grinning, you tilt your head. “What about you?”

Taking a sip from his glass, Joel clears his throat before responding with, “Used to be a musician. Loved to play the guitar - did so for a number of years.”

“I can see that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He responds sarcastically.

“I don’t know, something about your flannels and southern accent screams musician.”

“What, you don’t like flannels?” Joel grins, that silly expression warming your cheeks.

“Eh, not always.” Shrugging, you take a drink from your glass in an otherwise nonchalant fashion. “But I like ‘em on you.”

And then Joel Miller fucking blushes.

“I kind of like your accent, too.”

From then on out, Joel swears an internal promise to himself to up the ante of his accent for you. Usually, people disliked when he’d mumble or drawl, but doing so at dinner didn’t bother you. And even when he snuck in his first honey, he saw your shy grin. That beautiful expression made him want to use it more often.

“I really liked the dinner you made.” Striding beside him, you admire his slow gait. He’s trying to stretch out the time, the walk back to your house a pretty short one.

“I really liked having you over.” Joel remarks right back, his walk languid, unhurried. “It was nice talkin’ with you, honey.”

There’s that cute hum again, the hum you purr quietly whenever you’re happy.

You thought it was incredibly gentlemanly of him to walk you back to your house, even if it’s only across the street. Neither of you wanted the date to end but, Ellie had to come back home before midnight if she was going to meet her curfew. And it’s not that she couldn’t be around you, Joel just wanted his privacy with you.

“You know, it’s already really comfortable here.” Stepping onto your walkway, you turn, gazing up at him. “In my own house, my own home… and when I go to yours, too.”

Before he can stop it, he replies with, “I wanna be able to give that to you.” Looking into your eyes, his expression softens. “Comfort.”

It’s a surprising statement to hear, but one that warms your chilly bones. Everything about this night with Joel has just been reassuring you of your decision, the one you made to come here.

“It’s nice to have a home again.” Smiling, your eyes twinkle with affection. “And a friend.”

That last word would have his heart sinking if you weren’t already leaning up to hug him, nuzzling your face into his neck when he returns the act. Those strong arms hold you against him, wrapping around your back. He’s so sturdy and broad, and feels so good pressed up against you. His smell is more apparent, too, an earthy scent that reminds you of the forest. But it’s also sweet, a few spices close to sandalwood mixing in. And while you’re taking him in, Joel is doing the exact same to you, memorizing the softness of your skin and the smell of your hair, the way you feel beneath him. To finally be touching you, hugging you, feels surreal to him. It’s only been a few days and still, he’s thought about you, dreamt about hugging and just holding you. All night, you talked about home, but for Joel, this is it.

Before he can even register it, you’re pulling back. Just barely, your lips brush over his ear, whispering a gentle goodnight Joel, before moving over the scruff of his jaw so you can kiss his cheek.

It’s a foolish thought, you should be happy with your new home. And for the most part, you are. But with everything running efficiently, that meant no more Joel coming by. You haven’t seen him since your first date, and that was about four days ago now. Of course, you could just ask for another date, but would that be too… desperate? Needy? After more than an hour of thought, you’ve decided that yes, it would very much be needy. So, what the hell are you gonna do to get him back over here?

“Joel?” You couldn't help it, your feet carried you his way before you could even think twice about it. It was hard enough to keep yourself from not showing up on his doorstep for the past four days.

“Oh,” His unsuspecting expression turns joyful as he walks up to the door. It had been open, with only the screen keeping the brutal wind away. Ellie probably didn’t care to lock it. “Hey.”

That quirky little smile pulls on his lips, those large hands propping open the door for you. Shifting your weight, you feel a small sensation fizzle in your veins with nerves growing in your belly. It’s strange to think that only a couple days ago, you couldn't stand him.

“Hey um… my, I’m having trouble with my sink again. And I was, well, I was wondering… if you could…” It’s the only excuse you could make up in your head. And it’s not like it’s anything major, just a small white lie.

Almost instantly, he sees through your little act. His knowing glance makes your pulse pound a bit harder in your neck, one hand moving to balance itself on his hip.

“Sure, honey.” Honey. Lord, you’re swooning so easily. “Give me a minute, and I’ll be right over.”

The fact that he said yes right on the spot makes your heart skip a beat. And your feet nearly do the same as you make your way back home. Smiling from ear to ear, you trot up to your bedroom, awaiting his arrival. Your first instinct is to clean, to make everything neat, but there’s not much to do. There’s not much here in general. So, you just sit and wait.

While you’d been thinking about him the past four days, you weren’t the only person on Joel’s mind. Sure, he thought about you, thought about your pretty face and fiery attitude, your amazing body and witty personality. But he was also thinking about her, about how he lost her too soon, and so abruptly. So tragically and violently. She made him feel safe when no one else could. When he was supposed to be everyone’s rock, Tess was his. Is he ready to move on from that? Is he ready to find someone new? Someone to hold and care for and protect? He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t long for companionship, for someone to warm his bed and fill his days with fun and just… simple happiness. Someone who can swap out the bad memories in his head with ones he can return to at night that won’t make him cry. Someone that makes him want to continue on with life.

“Hello?”

“Hey! Come in!” You’d left your door unlocked, feeling safe with the knowledge of his visit.

The front door creaks open as Joel steps inside, stomping the snow off of his boots and onto your mat before leaving them beside the door. Something jingles beside him and it sounds heavy, maybe he’d brought a toolbox with him. And that jingle only amplifies as he walks up the stairs, heavy footsteps thudding against the dark wood.

“There you are.” Joel grunts as he reaches the top step, striding down the hall to your open bedroom. For just a moment, he stands there, taking a look at you. You’re sitting on your bed, a sketchpad laying beside your hip. Your hair is down and you’re wearing an oversized hoodie, something he hadn’t seen beneath your coat when you came to him. With no makeup on your face, you look refreshed, refreshed and cozy.

When he doesn’t say anything, you chuckle awkwardly. “What? Did you expect to find me wet again?” Almost immediately, heat rushes to your cheeks, not realizing the double meaning until it’s already been said. And immediately, Joel is smirking, laughing at your reaction.

“Maybe.” He mutters to himself as he turns, walking down your hall.

It’s only a few feet to the bathroom, and as soon as he steps inside, he’s getting to work. Settling on his knees, he leans forward to mess with the valves, trying to see where the problem is. He’ll play along. And after only a moment, you follow him, standing behind his bent form as he works.

Eyes traveling down, you nibble on the corner of your lower lip as you take him in. He’s wearing another flannel, of course, with a pair of dark-wash jeans hanging on his hips. And with him facing away, you’re able to wander down a bit further without him noticing. Huh, he has a pretty cute butt.

“What did you say the problem was again?” Cocking an eyebrow, he looks back at you with confusion.

“Oh, um…” Shit, I didn’t think about that. “It wasn’t… there wasn’t any hot water coming out.”

Standing, he flips on the faucet, turning it to the hottest setting. “Seems to be workin’ just fine now.”

Shutting it off, Joel grabs the hand towel to wipe the water away while turning to look at you. And… wow, he’s so much taller than you. So much taller and broader, too.

“There any other reason you wanted me here?” That eyebrow stays cocked and it just makes you feel dumb.

Shrugging, you glance down. “I kinda… missed you.”

Instantly, a bright grin cracks across his face. “What was that?”

Glancing up at him from beneath your brow, you smirk at his teasing. “I missed you.”

“Well color me surprised.” Raising his eyebrows, he placed the hand towel back on its hook as he says, “I thought you couldn’t stand me.”

“Yeah well, I found out you’re actually kind of cute.” Shrugging, you turn, wandering into your bedroom. It’s like your cheeks have been set ablaze.

Slowly, Joel follows, leaning against your doorframe when he gets back to your room. Again, you’re sitting on your bed, sketchpad and pencil in hand. He nods at you, crossing his arms.

“What’s that?”

“Some of my drawings. Haven’t really had time to look at it since I got here.”

Strolling over to the side of your bed, Joel looks down at you, wondering aloud, “Can I see?”

Nervously, you hand it to him. No one’s ever wanted to look at your artwork before, so you're curious to see his reaction. To your surprise, Joel lays down on your bed, resting on his stomach across the end as he flips through.

“You can definitely see the progress.” He comments, nodding. “Your flowers are so detailed.”

“You think so?” Grinning, you orient yourself toward him, folding your legs up on the bed.

“Yeah, I really do. But…”

Frowning, you tilt your head. “What?”

“I think addin’ some portraits to your collection would make it even better.”

“What? Why?”

“I dunno, just think fillin’ it with pretty people would make it nicer to look at.”

“Oh, yeah?” You chuckle, “Like who?”

Turning his head, Joel gives you a knowing look. “You.”

And no matter how hard you roll your eyes, you can’t hide your smirk. “You’re so cheesy.”

“Made you smile though, didn’t it?”

Another eye roll and he’s closing the book, tossing it on the ground before climbing up to sit beside your smaller frame. Resting his back against your headboard, you again turn to face him, barely an inch away now.

Joel sighs, those warm eyes staring into your own. “Don’t you know how pretty you are?”

He’s yet to be so forward with you, and it’s making your limbs tingle with a gentle sense of bashfulness. And this sensation only intensifies when he sits up, crossing his legs and leaning toward you just a bit. Gently, his hand lands on your knee, thumb rubbing you kindly.

Licking his lower lip, his eyes dart down to your mouth before returning to your entrancing orbs, taking in a deep breath when you say, “I think I’m starting to.”

And after that, his hand is lifting to your face, each of his advances made with slow intention so you have room to deny him at any point. But you don’t, you only lean into him.

Keeping your hands in your lap, you let him take the lead, swallowing timidly just before your lips meet. It feels like taking a breath of fresh air, but it also feels like you just jumped out of a plane. Something about Joel is so exciting yet calming, so new yet reassuring.

Joel’s hand settles warmly on your cheek, holding you close to him as he experiences you this way. To know that you accepted this advance makes his heart soar with pride and gratitude. He hasn’t felt something like this in so long, and it’s been calling out to him; ever since she left. And he thinks Tess would’ve liked you.

“Why don’t you come here?” Joel mumbles against your lips after only one kiss. And like the love-struck girl you are, you do as you’re told.

Joel only intends for you to shift closer to him, to lean into his lap, but you interpret his request differently. Taking things to a new level, you climb onto him, his legs straightening out as you do. And even though his eyes widen in surprise, he doesn’t reject you. Your pulse is drumming an erratic rhythm in your ears, your lungs quivering inside your chest as you situate yourself over him. But then, you’re not quite sure what to do, your hands dropping to your thighs awkwardly. But Joel knows what he wants from you. Grabbing them, he urges you to place your palms on his shoulders, and once you do, both of his hands quickly reach out for you.

“C’mere…” It’s a small whisper, one said as his eyes flutter shut and your lips meet again.

The scruff of his graying facial hair rubs against your lips and cheeks, but you don’t mind; you actually like the sting. Your thighs tense on either side of his hips, chest resting against his while your palms run across the soft fabric covering his shoulders. It’s the first time you’ve done this together, and Joel decides to take his time with you because of it. Slowly, his lips run across your own, repeatedly returning to your mouth. Tilting your head, you move with him, sighing into every single kiss he gives.

He almost has to refrain from being too forward with you, from lowering his hands to paw at your ass. Jesus, he’d love to just grip you in hand, kiss you breathless while you rub yourself down on his lap.

Before Joel has the chance to do so himself, you’re sliding your tongue across his bottom lip, leaning even further into him. It takes him by surprise, but he accepts it, and does so wholeheartedly. Lowering both hands, they easily find your waist, his fingers squeezing you gently. And when you moan, lord, when you moan into him, it takes everything he’s got not to toss you down on the bed.

Your breaths are already heavy, feeling the first true slide of your tongue across his. Joel’s warm sigh hits your skin when it happens, a small groan slipping from his throat. And those fingers tighten on your waist when you do it again, your lips curling into a smile at his reaction.

“You’re really doin’ things to me.” His voice is low - rough and gravely. And it only stokes the flames burning in your belly.

“You know,” Wiggling slightly, you hum playfully, feeling him grow between your legs. “I can kinda tell.”

He doesn't think he’s ever been more embarrassed. Already rosy cheeks turn a full, bright shade of red, his neck following suit as he flushes before you. But all you do is grin, leaning in to kiss him again.

“And I kinda like it.”

Usually, you wouldn’t be so forward with a man so early on. But honestly, what do you have to lose? The unwavering dominance Joel so openly exudes is something you’ve admired since you met him. And you’ve continued to discover more of his attractive qualities ever since. He’s strong, mentally and physically; he could make you feel safe, safe and cared for. You can already imagine it, him holding you in bed, his warm body protecting you through the night. You haven’t felt this sense of security in such a long time and you want that, you’re dying for that.

Joel’s hands curl around to your back, caressing you fondly while your own slide down to the back of his neck. And for just a moment, Joel stills against you, taking a breath.

“You know,” He sighs, swallowing quickly. Lifting his hand, he brushes it over the side of your face, cupping your cheek again. “I’m really taking a likin’ to you.”

“I really like you, Joel.” Leaning in, you rest your forehead against his, fingers petting timidly at his neck. “At first you were kind of an ass,” And at this, you both breathe out a laugh. “But I think I’m starting to see through that now.”

“I’m sorry.” His expression is genuine, a small ounce of hurt in his eyes. He never wanted to push you away.

Shaking your head, you reassure him, “You don’t have to be.” And then, a thought wanders into your head. Timidly, you glance down, licking your lower lip. “How, um… how long has it been? For you?”

When you look back up you’re met with a somber expression, not outwardly, but you can tell by the wrinkles in his face that he’s hurting. “Couple years.” Comes his quiet mumble, his own eyes darting away, too. “Lost her pretty quick and I, well… it’s been hard.” He nods firmly at this, as if to show his own agreement with the statement. “You?”

“A while,” You have nothing to hide from him, and feel that this is the time to truly be open. “At least six years since I’ve let someone in like that.”

“It’s hard to trust.” Joel comments, warm eyes looking deeply into your own.

“Yeah…” Sighing out your emotions, you try to keep yourself collected. “There are just so many things that have happened around me, to me, I just… I didn’t exactly have a normal upbringing.”

“I can imagine.” He can’t even comprehend how difficult it must have been to grow up during this pandemic.

“On top of my own insecurities,” Shaking your head, you breathe out a laugh of disbelief. “I don’t know how I survived long enough to get here.”

“Insecurities?” Cocking his head, his forehead crinkles with confusion. “What do you have to be insecure about?”

Shrugging, you close your eyes, feeling your emotions bubble inside. “Haven’t always been happy with how I look, I guess.”

“Has a man never told you how pretty you are, honey?” Joel asks, his words warm and caring. And it makes your cheeks tingle.

“Not just my face.”

“Your body?” All you do is nod. “Jesus…” Turning his head, Joel takes in a breath. “Honey, if I’m speaking freely… my hands feel like wanderin’ every time I see your body.”

At this, your eyes widen ever so slightly, your heart lurching into your throat when he says it. You’re not sure what you expected him to say from your timid confession, but you definitely weren’t expecting that. Though, it’s not like you don’t favor his reaction.

“Really?” You giggle in disbelief, raising a brow at him. You’d always been insecure about your body, mainly your midsection. There are some rolls on your sides that extend to your back that you’ve always despised. And no matter how hard you tried to get rid of them, they never left.

“Hell yes.” He emphasizes with a firm squeeze on your waist again. “You’re just the type of woman I wanna curl up with at night.”

Grinning, your arms slide up and around his neck, bringing you even closer to him. With the tip of your nose rubbing against his, you reply, “Maybe we can arrange that sometime.”

Joel grins at your offer, humming happily while his palms run down your back. “I’d like that.”

A breath of contentment leaves him, both of you enjoying the brief silence that then consumes the room. He’s sturdy beneath you, fingers continuing to move slowly over your covered skin. And you don’t move your faces away, either, simply resting in each other’s embrace.

“I’ve been thinkin’,” Joel then says, staring down at your lips. “How about I take you out? Really take you out. Maybe buy you a drink?” He feels like it’s only right. It doesn’t sit well with him, knowing that you’re on his lap kissing him breathless before he’s even taken you out to eat.

“Oh? At the only bar in town?” You tease, referencing the first time he worked up the nerve to ask you out.

Chuckling, he nods. “At the only bar in town.”

It’s not exactly a fancy establishment, but you still change into nicer clothes for your small outing. And while your pair of jeans and black long sleeve may not seem so special to you, Joel is having a hard time not outwardly ogling you. Everything just conforms to your body so nicely, fitting snugly along your hips and backside, up your tummy to your full chest. You’re such a pretty thing to look at, such a sexy thing to look at.

“You feelin’ hungry?” Joel asks, releasing a sigh at his inner thoughts.

Shrugging, you climb onto one of the bar stools with Joel taking a seat beside you. “I could eat.”

The bartender comes by, introducing himself as Grant. He seems nice enough, an older gentleman wearing a thick jumper that makes him look larger than he actually is.

“Just an IPA.” Joel nods, offering a friendly grin.

“And for our new lady?” Grant asks, having not been introduced to you yet.

“A vodka tonic?”

“Comin’ right up.” He nods, turning to walk off.

“There’s a menu here,” Joel tells you, reaching over to grab and then hand it to you. “They’ve got some ‘lil appetizers.”

In less than five minutes, your drinks are on their designated coasters, and your food order is in. You’d picked out the spinach artichoke dip, the dish happening to be one of Joel’s favorites.

“So, how’re you likin’ the town so far?”

While Joel takes a sip from his bottle, you watch him, eyeing the way his Adam’s apple bobs when the drink is swallowed.

“Haven’t seen much of it other than an angry cowboy and his brother.”

“An angry cowboy?” Joel snickers, “That what I am?”

“Well, I mean, you’ve got the accent to match.”

“You like my accent.” He remarks sassily, looking away with a cheeky grin.

“Maybe.” Stirring your own drink, you then comment, “This is nice. But… I kinda miss your food.”

He’s surprised by this, turning back to you as he says, “Really?”

“Yeah.” Smiling, you reminisce on the recent memory. “I really liked having you cook for me.”

“Honestly, I liked doin’ it.”

“Seems like she’s had enough to eat.”

Immediately, your eyes widen, blood running hot beneath your skin.

The comment came from behind you, and was made by a man you’ve yet to see or meet, but one that Joel has interacted with quite frequently. And not in the most pleasant of ways.

His friend then returns, “Clearly. Haven’t seen a girl that size since I came to Jackson.”

Forcing away the sting in your eyes and the lump growing in your throat, you internalize your rising emotions. You’re angered you’d even let their comments affect you. According to most of the men you’ve interacted with throughout the pandemic, you should be much smaller than you actually are. What with there being food shortages. People even had the nerve to call you greedy.

But while you’re trying to brush off your reaction, Joel can’t hide his anger. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see him. It almost scares you, the way his face twists, the furrow in his brow and the scowl on his face. Turning in his chair, Joel glares at the men. They’re sitting at a table only a few feet away from you.

“It’s okay, Joel.” You really don’t want to make a scene.

“I don’t think it is.” Standing from his chair, he takes a step toward them, but you reach out with a pleading hand. Placing it on his chest, his eyes shoot down to your face upon feeling the contact.

“Joel.”

“Are you sure?” He asks, and there’s real worry in his eyes.

Nodding, you release a saddened and defeated breath. “I’m fine. Can we just… could you walk me home?”

You’ve gone quiet and it breaks him, it fucking breaks his heart. He only just convinced you of his attraction for you, for your wonderful mind and gorgeous body.

“Okay.”

After asking Grant for a box, he packs up the rest of your food and pays the tab, leading you towards the door. For the first time, his hand moves to your lower back, already feeling a sense of protectiveness overcome him. And he keeps it there on the walk back, allowing you to snuggle up against him.

As you continue you on through the snow, Joel’s hand gradually moves from the small of your back to fully wrapping around your frame, hugging you to his side. He’s warm, keeping you snug against him while he walks you home.

Turning his head, he presses his lips to your temple once your feet reach the front door. “Would it be alright if I came in?”

“Sure.” You’re still quiet, timid.

Stepping into the warmth of your home, you both kick off your shoes, Joel following you into the living room. He watches you sit on the couch, folding your arms around yourself. And he sits, too.

“Were you… embarrassed?” You can’t even bring yourself to look at him.

“What?” He asks, something akin to disheartened concern washing over his face. “Sweetheart, no.” Your insides jump at the new word. It’s the first time he’s ever called you that.

Shuffling closer to you, he swallows, trying to compose himself. “You, you have to know how beautiful you are.”

Almost unable to help himself, he reaches for you, but hesitancy then takes over. Retracting his hands, his thumbs shuffle over the knuckles of his fingers, feeling nervous but determined.

“You’re the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen, even before I came to Jackson.” He expresses wholeheartedly to you, briefly referencing the man’s comment but trying to make it better with his own twist.

“I think, I mean…” Rubbing the back of his neck, he sighs. Will his next words be comforting, or too much? “I think your body is amazing.”

“You don’t have to say that.”

“Exactly.” His response is immediate, his tone prompting your eyes to find his. “No one’s making me say that, I’m sayin’ that.”

You can tell he’s trying his damndest to reassure you, to make sure you know how lovely he finds you. And not only this, but he wants you to feel better about yourself, too.

But inside, you’re crumbling. You’d distanced yourself from people for so long and for so many reasons. You were barely Ellie’s age when you so suddenly found yourself alone. Traveling across state lines with absolutely no sense of direction, no indication of where to go or what to do. All you knew was you had to get away from people, you couldn’t trust anyone’s intentions, and you were scared to death of the disease. For the most part, you camped in the woods, and it’s been quite a while since you heard a comment like that. It seems silly to worry about now, about someone’s words instead of finding food for yourself. But if you know anything about people, it’s that they can gossip. You’re new in town, after all, it was only a matter of time.

“I just…” Sighing out a small shiver, your eyes drop again. “I think I need some time.” Joel’s compliments are overwhelming, in both good and bad ways. You’re not sure how to feel.

“Did I do anything wrong?” He feels like he’s breaking inside, like his emotions are so swollen they could burst right in his chest. This hasn’t lasted long but he doesn’t want this to end, please don’t let this end.

“No, it’s not about you, Joel.” You’re muttering, feeling shameful. You’re embarrassed you’re letting your own insecurities and pasta traumas get in the way of this, of the most exciting thing you’ve experienced in years. “I just need to think about this.”

Without even meaning to, Joel’s head hangs a little low. The fabric of your faded brown couch looks pretty interesting right about now; it serves as a small distraction, and is the only reason he can think of to prolong his time here. But he won’t overstay his welcome.

“Okay.” He returns, voice quiet and low. And if you think on it, you swear you heard it crack, too. “I’ll uh, um… I’ll go, if you want me to.”

Tears pooling in your eyes, you can’t even look up when you say, “I think that’d be best.”

With another timid nod, Joel stands, and slowly, too. Rubbing his hands together, it takes him a second to turn, but when he does, he keeps walking until he’s through your front door. And once he closes it behind him, the havoc inside your mind consumes the quiet space around you.

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