miss-ery-3

[miss-ery-3]

Reblog if you’re pro recovery because we love recovery, we’re just not ready for it

[miss-ery-3]

"Suddenly I wonder, 'Where is the girl that I was last year? Two years ago? What would she think of me now?"

[miss-ery-3]

OOOH OOH oohhh

and i just remembered!!!

when W and i were all alone in the bar thursday, we got talking about tagged pictures on instagram or something, and i went searching in my tagged pictured for a specific picture

then he tapped on one of them and was like "ooooh, woow" and i got real awkward and was like "yeah haha, i had just had an exam that day hahahahaha" and he just looked at the picture for a while and was like "coooool"

BAAAH

#⭐️ve #amy’s ⭐️ving adventure #eedee tumblr #eedee #i will reach my ugw #amy ranting #low cal restriction #eedeetwt #thinspø #th!n$piration

[miss-ery-3]

i dont have much to report on weight wise, as i havent weighed myself since thursday, because i've been drinking alcohol and therefore i am retaining water

i can feel how i am all swelled up rn - my rings feel tighter than normally. i'll weigh myself again once the water retention goes down

but, ofc, i have even more stuff about my whole ✨love life situation✨

i am seeing my bf tomorrow, and i will tell him that i dont think our relationship is going that greatly, and then i'll take it from there. i dont really like to think too much about it, but i also feel more at peace w it - and i think my lil crush is a huge part of that. i really dont need anyone to tell me that i'm a horrible person - i am truly doing my best, both in terms of navigating my feelings and my relationship and my mental health. i'm really not in a good place right now, but at least i can kinda pretend, that my troublesome feelings are some fun new drama that i can share w my friends (you guys teehee)

if you don't care about my love life drama, then its totally ok. if you are, you're in for a treat (maybe idk)

lets call my crush-situation W

aight, so W and i talked all night thursday, and i have quite a lot to report about that night, and then a little about last night

my friend started talking about one time i had a ons w one of my friends, like 3 years ago, and i was quite embarrassed to talk about it. but the others laughed and idk, i figured it was fine. W switched between not laughing at all, just looking down at the table, and then awkwardly laughing a bit while looking at me, and then the table. i dont know what that means??? just as the conversation ended he was like "do u wanna go for a smoke" and then we went outside, and talked about other things.

we had been drinking and joking all night, and he decided to tell some group of girls sitting in the bar, that he and i are childhood friends (big lie, i've known him since summer). and i was like "aight, whatever" and then he lied and told them that i had written him tons of love letters when we were children. and i just laughed and lied and said "yeah haha, i was totally in love with you". when we left the bar, like 2 hours later, and we were all alone, i teased him about something we told the group of girls, and then he was like "yeah yeah whatever, i know that you'll just send me another love letter. you're like tooootally into me hahaha" and i was like "oh yeah, haha, totally. u got me" while walking away and laughing. i might just be fucking overthinking everything but also... why lie about writing love letters? there are much more embarrassing things (for me) he could've said. idk, help me

he texted his girlfriend throughout the night (i think) but looked quite annoyed/not happy whenever he did, and at some point he left the table for like 15 minutes (probably to talk to her). idk

he kept touching my stuff. like my cigarettes and my lighter, he would just sit with them and play with them. i found it quite cute, idk

OKAY, and then to last night (friday) i was in another bar last night, helping out, 'cause i kinda work there (ish, like, volunteer-work) and W was supposed to have a shift later in the evening

he calls me to tell me that he will be running late, 'cause he was at an event, and shit hit the fan, idk. then he asked me if i could cover for him, and i said that i for sure could cover for him. we only talked for 1,5 minute, but idk. my fucking hands went sweaty and i couldn't stand still. i don't think i've ever picked up that fast. uuuughhhhh i feel so weird. whatever

he showed up like 1,5 hours too late (but it was ok, 'cause there really wasn't much to going on), and went directly out to find me (i was smoking) to hug me and apologize for coming so late. then i kept feeling his eyes on me, and i could hear him mention my name a lot of the night

we ended up doing some cleanup together afterwards, and it was just... really nice. we have such a good time whenever we're together and i feel so comfortable around him. except for the part where i keep thinking about how hot i think he is and how want to give him a big old smooch. i had hoped to talk to him some more, but we both went home when cleanup was done, and idk. its fine

i have not been able to keep him out of my head all day. its truly torturous

#thinspø #⭐️ve #amy’s ⭐️ving adventure #eedee tumblr #eedeetwt #amy ranting #i will reach my ugw #low cal restriction #eedee #th!n$piration

[miss-ery-3]

56,2 kg baby💪

down 1 kg in like one week🥹

#thinspø #⭐️ve #amy’s ⭐️ving adventure #eedee #eedee tumblr #eedeetwt #i will reach my ugw #amy ranting #low cal restriction #th!n$piration

[miss-ery-3]

aightttt, so i have news - good and mehhhhh ish

my friend told me that she often looks at me and wishes to be "as skinny" as me. that was nice :)))))

and

meeeehhhhh

the friend i started crushing on real hard... i am still crushing real hard we spent almost all of the night together tonight (from 7 pm till 2 am) and we talked and talked and talked

my other friend, who was w us for most of the time, asked me if he was flirting w me. this made my fucking heart flutter and i now hate myself even more. but also: my gut feeling, that there is something going on, can't be that wrong??? if other people see it too???

but also: i still have a bf and he's still got a gf

and when we were all alone (our other friends left), we talked and talked and talked, and then he said... "my gf and i are in a very good place"

and my heart just fucking..... i dont even know... skipped a beat??? i know i've been drinking and shit, but idk... i felt like fucking crying

i want to scream until my lungs hurt

life fucking sucks right now

#amy’s ⭐️ving adventure #eedeetwt #i will reach my ugw #eedee #amy ranting #low cal restriction #⭐️ve #thinspø #eedee tumblr #th!n$piration

[miss-ery-3]

i got out of the 57,2 kg plateau!!

this morning i weighed in at 56,8 kg

there's still at long way to go, but in the fall, when i was 55 kg, i felt much happier about my body - i can't wait to get back to that, and then even lower

but i have to drink alcohol (i know nobody's forcing me, but social rules exist and alcohol is just a lil necessary for my troubled head atm) for the next few days, so i'll have to take that into consideration

today i think i'll have some couscous v veggies and egg - and i might just do OMAD. and then i'll have a few beers later

#eedee #amy’s ⭐️ving adventure #⭐️ve #thinspø #eedeetwt #i will reach my ugw #eedee tumblr #low cal restriction #amy ranting #th!n$piration

[miss-ery-3]

last week i did quite well, but then when the weekend came around i f'cking ate so much. i had to go to different family members houses and eat, and ugh.... i dont even want to think about it. got home to my apartment last night and had some couscous w veggies, and i'm soon at hour 15 of todays fast

i weighed in at 57,2 kg today (same as fucking forever)

i fucking hope some of it is water weight from the extreme amount of sugar and salt, and that eating healthily going forward will make me drop at least 1 kg fast

🙏

#⭐️ve #amy’s ⭐️ving adventure #eedee #eedee tumblr #eedeetwt #thinspø #i will reach my ugw #amy ranting #low cal restriction #th!n$piration

[miss-ery-3]

please please please let me get what i want

(a ana buddy and being skinny for the summer)

[miss-ery-3]

how to manually rip 6 kilograms of fat off my body no glue no borax

[miss-ery-3]

[miss-ery-3]

all these fucking thoughts in my head are making me loose my appetite (as well as making my stomach, my head and my heart hurt, but that's not really as cool)

#⭐️ve #thinspø #amy’s ⭐️ving adventure #i will reach my ugw #low cal restriction #b0dy ch3ck #eedee #eedee tumblr #eedeetwt

[miss-ery-3]

turned down any and every snack my parents threw my way tonight. haven't had much else but salads all day

i feel great (only physically ofc)

#thinspø #⭐️ve #amy’s ⭐️ving adventure #i will reach my ugw #low cal restriction #b0dy ch3ck #eedee #eedee tumblr #eedeetwt

[miss-ery-3]

my self worth is defined my weight and I worry even when I hit my goal weight, it won’t be enough

[miss-ery-3]

I feel like an old beaten up dog that is just wandering around looking for someone, anyone, to love me.

[miss-ery-3]

I genuinely mourn the person I could have been.

[miss-ery-3]

Being ‎‧₊˚✧ thin ✧˚₊‧ would literally fix all my problems ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

I’m delusional