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mountymase · 2 days

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Shut up this is so adorable! 😭 loved it so much!!!

The Reason I Smile

Themes: Fluff/Angst

Word Count: 6.2K

Note: Hi my loves!! 🫶🏼 Omg, I actually feel SO nervous about posting this one bc it’s a brand new fic & I don’t even know how I feel about it!! I originally started writing it like back in October I think, so I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to finish it, but I struggled with writers block soooooo much! I hope I can find the same passion for writing again like I had last year, but if it’s not good, I’m sorry😭 I really hope you enjoy reading it & please let me know what you all think 🩷

Away games had been an adjustment that you and Mason still struggled to navigate, especially now that Amelia was old enough to realise her dad was going to be away from home for a few nights.

Being the daddy’s girl she was, you always dreaded when he left because you still hadn’t mastered being able to console her the way that he could. It was one of the aspects of motherhood you were still trying to come to terms with, and one you were trying not to let get you down.

Especially given the secret you’d been keeping for the last couple of weeks.

The past few nights hadn’t been great without him, but he was on his flight back, hopefully arriving at the airport shortly where you’d pick him up.

His trip to Bavaria had ended in defeat and the team was returning with low morale and exhaustion given the way their season was shaping up, and now they were at risk of being knocked out of the Champions League.

Thankfully, Mason’s parents and siblings had driven up the night before to keep you and Amelia company whilst he was gone.

You’d all watched the game together earlier, but it had been brutal.

It had been a particularly bad game for Mason, and Amelia had never seen her father so upset or angry on the pitch before. You could see the way his sadness was weighing her down, and whilst she was still so little, she was incredibly perceptive and empathetic towards both of you when she could tell you weren’t feeling your best.

She had run between your legs, looking up at you with the big brown eyes that she’d inherited from her father.

“Daddy’s sad” She pouted, pushing her lower lip out, and your heart broke watching it quiver. You scooped her up into your lap, brushing her hair out of her eyes and kissing the top of her head.

“I know angel, we’ll have to cheer him up when he gets home, won’t we?” You said, smiling at her to let her know it was okay.

She sniffed a little and you sighed, knowing she wouldn’t cheer up until her dad was back home.

Thankfully, Summer - older and a lot more perceptive - realised that Amelia needed cheering up and was over to you in less than a minute, holding her arms out for Amelia to climb into.

“Amelia, why don’t we do a drawing for Uncle Masey to make him smile when he gets home” She suggested.

You caught Jaz’s eye, the pair of you sharing a smile at how caring Summer was.

“That sounds like a brilliant idea, that’d make daddy so happy” You cooed, standing Amelia up on your thighs before lowering her onto the floor.

Amelia still didn’t look convinced, but she let Summer drag her over to the coffee table as Debbie grabbed them some paper and pens, letting Mila join in on their little arts and crafts project as well.

Your heart fluttered seeing them interact and you let your mind wander, before snapping back to reality.

You sighed, sinking back into the sofa. The game had finished earlier in the day and Mason had gotten on his flight a few hours ago.

You were just waiting for him to text you so you could leave to go and pick him up.

“I don’t know if Mason is going to be up to having everyone here” Jaz sighed, from beside you.

You shook your head.

“Don’t be silly, Jaz. You know he loves it when you guys are here. Hopefully the flight will have calmed him down a little” You reassured her.

“Well - good luck dealing with the grump” She teased, squeezing your shoulder and you couldn’t help but giggle.

Having been with Mason for long enough now, you knew how to deal with him when he was feeling a bit down from a bad game.

The pair of you fell into small talk, watching the girls happily colour in across the table.

You were so glad that Amelia had a good relationship with her cousins. Despite the fact that they lived so far, there was still a strong bond between them, and it melted your heart how much they loved each other.

It had always bothered you that Amelia didn’t see them often, but you knew it wasn’t something to worry about in the long run, especially now.

Lewis had sat down with the girls, helping them colour in whilst Debbie had decided to get started on dinner. You were just going to order a takeaway but she had insisted on cooking a homemade meal for you all, another attempt to hopefully cheer Mason up when he got home.

You couldn’t deny that you were incredibly relieved that they were all here. Having the help whilst Mason was gone was a lifesaver, especially considering how needy your little girl got - not to mention how exhausted and run down you’d been feeling lately.

You were just smiling, watching them all laugh and joke with one another when you felt your phone buzz in your back pocket.

You sighed as you tucked your phone into your back pocket before turning around to everyone that was still seated in your living room.

You were glad you were able to go and collect him and have some time to try cheering him up before he had to put on a brave face for everyone.

“Right, you lot. I’m going to go get him, I’ll be back in a while” You promised as Jaz smiled, giving your hand a squeeze.

“Y/N, don’t feel bad if you need to take the long way home” She winked, and you shook your head, biting back a smile and knowing that it would take him a while to get out of his head and feel a bit better about himself.

Ten minutes later, you were in your car, your Spotify playlist blaring through the speakers as you made the trek to the airport. You didn’t live too far, and thankfully there wasn’t much traffic so you got there pretty quickly.

Even though you were upset for him, you were more excited to finally have him back. You always hated when he was gone, and your home never felt whole without him. You’d been feeling overly emotional recently and you didn’t like being without him for longer than you had to either.

You’d been parked up at the pick up point for about ten minutes, killing time by playing Candy Crush when you felt someone knock on your window.

You’d been so engrossed in your phone that you’d jumped, your hand clutching your chest as you tried to calm your erratic heartbeat.

You snapped your head to the side, and your eyes lit up at the sight of Mason standing peering into the car with a tired smile and soft eyes.

You practically lit up with excitement at the sight of him.

You tossed your phone into the passenger side of the car, and pushed the door open so you could climb out.

“Hi baby” He hummed, as you launched yourself at him.

Mason stumbled backwards, a soft giggle escaping his lips as he wound his arms around your waist and hoisted you up, squeezing you tightly. He pressed his face into your neck, breathing you in and you knew it was a mixture of missing you and needing your comfort.

He hadn’t realised just how much he’d missed you until he had you back in his arms.

You curled your fingers in his hair, scratching at his scalp as he slowly settled you back on your feet, lifting his head up from your neck so he could look at you.

The miserable expression on his face broke your heart, and you reached for him, cradling his face in your hands and brushing your thumbs under his eyes.

“S’okay baby, you’re back home with me now” You cooed, leaning forward and brushing your nose against his.

You felt him let out a shaky breath, as he sniffled before kissing the top of your head.

“I missed you a lot” He admitted, and you pouted, his sadness and exhaustion making your heart hurt.

“I missed you too, Masey. I’m sorry it didn’t go the way you wanted” You whispered, as his eyes flickered to yours, his lips pushed together in a pout.

You reached up on your tiptoes, pressing your lips against his in a sweet kiss. Mason returned it, almost melting into you and you finally felt yourself relax, relieved that he was back home.

You stood there for a little while, exchanging soft kisses, before you eventually pulled away, and smiled at him, your eyes twinkling with happiness that he was home.

“C’mon, you’ve got an army of little girls that are ready to cheer you up” You reminded him, as the pair of you climbed back in the car and Mason looked over at you with a sad expression.

“She saw me, didn’t she?” He sighed, as you leaned over the console to press a final gentle kiss to his lips.

You couldn’t help yourself, you would never be able to have enough of him.

“She did, but she just wants to cheer you up, babe” You reassured him, but the sad expression on his face told you that he was disappointed Amelia had seen him so frustrated on the pitch.

You followed Jaz’s advice and took the long way home, giving Mason some time to blow off steam about how he felt.

He offloaded about how badly the game had gone, explaining that there was a lot of tension in the dressing room right now and all the media speculation was affecting everyone. You’d never understood how he dealt with it all, but you were glad he could open up to you.

If Mason had noticed you turned a fifteen minute car drive into forty-five minutes, he didn’t say anything, but by the end of his little rant, he felt a little lighter and he was glad you’d just given him a chance to get it all off his chest.

“I’ve missed you, angel. I hate being away from you for so long” He admitted, and you felt your tummy do a backflip.

It always astounded you the fact that even after all these years, he still had this effect on you.

“I hate it too” You sighed, finally pulling up outside your house, the pair of you sitting in the drive for a moment as Mason prepared himself to face his family and the kids.

“C’mere, I won’t have a minute alone with you once we get inside” He whispered, beckoning you over and you smiled at his thoughtfulness before leaning over the console to brush your lips against his.

Mason’s hand curled around the back of your neck, deepening the kiss, and you let yourself sink into him. It had been days without his touch, and with your head all over the place lately it was easy to get riled up, but you needed to remember you had his family waiting for you.

It didn’t mean you couldn’t indulge in him for a little while though.

You let him trail kisses down your jaw, before pressing his face into your neck, and inhaling deeply.

Your little secret was on the tip of your tongue, but you knew he was still in his head about the game. Your heart was thumping in your chest, as you stroked the back of his head, knowing he just needed a cuddle.

“You feeling any better, baby?” You murmured, gently tugging his head up so he could look at you.

He offered you a sad smile, although it didn’t reach his eyes.

“I always feel better when I’m with you angel” He admitted, his voice soft.

His words made your heart melt.

You pushed your lips out in a pout, but Mason was quick to close the distance between you both.

It was a soft, loving kiss - one that made your toes curl and your tummy do backflips, and although you hated that he was so sad, you were just relieved he was back with you.

“C’mon, let’s get inside” He mumbled, against your lips, but making no move to pull away.

You gripped his head, pressing a series of kisses to his lips, before finally letting him go, so you could make your way inside.

Ever the gentleman, Mason got out of the car first, as you grabbed your things, before running around and opening the door for you. You helped him grab his bags from the boot, before the pair of you made your way inside.

The house was loud, everyone laughing and joking with each other, as Mason left his suitcase by the front door, and the pair of you took your shoes off.

You offered him a smile, holding your hand out for him, as he took it, letting you give it a gentle squeeze before rounding the corner and entering the living room where everyone was sitting.

The girls were still at the table, adding the final touches to their card for him. Lewis, Tony and Sam were chatting away on the sofa, and you assumed Jaz was in the kitchen helping Debbie.

“Uncle Masey!” Summer cried excitedly, being the first of the three girls to spot him.

Everyone’s heads whipped around, and you saw Amelia’s eyes light up at the sight of her father.

Summer was the first to rush over, wrapping her little arms around Mason’s legs before thrusting the card that the three of them had made into his hands.

“Look what we made for you, Uncle Masey” She beamed, grinning from ear to ear.

You glanced over at Amelia, unable to miss the way her expression dropped. She pushed her lips together, trying to hold back tears the way that Mason had done moments prior in the car, and you sighed, knowing she felt a little jealous that Summer had managed to get to Mason first.

Mason was patting Summer’s head, before crouching on his knees, and beckoning Amelia and Mila to come over too, so he could have cuddles with all three of them.

You kept an eye on Amelia who waddled over on her little chubby legs, wrapping her arms around his neck as Mila followed closely behind.

You hoped it was just a momentary instance of envy from your daughter, and you left the men to deal with the kids before joining Debbie and Jaz in the kitchen.

“Is he back?” Debbie asked, as you nodded, helping Jaz unload some plates so you could set the dining table.

“How’s he doing?” Jaz asked.

“I just think he’s shattered, but he’s in with the girls.” You told them, and you watched as Debbie sighed.

“Sometimes, he’s too hard on himself for his own good” She sighed, and you nodded in agreement, knowing that Mason would do his best to show everyone he was fine and that the game didn’t bother him too much, but in reality he would’ve been eating himself up inside.

The pair of them excused themselves for a moment to go see him whilst you got to work washing up a few of the dirty dishes so there was less work to do after everyone had eaten.

Debbie popped in a few times before helping you finish set the dining table for everyone, and soon enough everyone was sat around, chatting animatedly with each other.

Mason was definitely happy to be home, but in truth he was exhausted. He felt jet-lagged from the flight, and as much as he wanted to spend time with the kids, he didn’t really feel up to it.

Summer had insisted on reading the card the three girls had created for him, and he thought his heart might melt out of love for them all, but he just needed a bit of time to wallow in self pity.

Amelia had been trying to get her father’s attention for a few minutes, but he’d been stuck in his own head as he waited for dinner to get ready.

Eventually, he stroked her cheek gently before handing her to his father.

“I’m just gonna get a quick shower, okay?” He muttered to his Dad, who nodded, taking Amelia happily.

Due to his distracted mind, Mason didn’t notice Amelia’s face drop, the little girl thinking her Dad didn’t want to spend time with her.

Mason nipped upstairs, spending a little longer in the shower than usual.

He was happy to be back home, but he just wished it was under better circumstances. He’d missed you and Amelia so much, but he thought he might’ve preferred it if the rest of his family hadn’t been there. He felt awful for even thinking it, but at least he didn’t have to pretend with his girls.

When he eventually came back downstairs, you were just finishing setting up the dining table as everyone settled round getting ready to eat.

Summer immediately rushed over to him, wanting to sit next to him, and Mason nodded with a tired smile, patting the seat next to him.

You couldn’t help but notice that your little girl kept glancing over at her dad with big sad eyes and although you knew it wasn’t Mason’s fault, you felt awful knowing she was so upset and he hadn’t realised that she wanted a bit of attention from him.

Thankfully, everyone knew better than to talk about the game so the topic steered clear and you knew Mason was grateful. He always hated recounting the game when they’d lost, wanting to come to terms with it in his own time and space.

Lewis kept everyone entertained with stories about his job, but the entire dinner all you could focus on was Amelia, who remained quiet in her grandpa’s lap, barely eating her food and just looking down, instead of laughing and giggling along with everyone else.

After everyone had eaten, and all the dishes had been cleared away, everyone had settled in the living room. Mason was sitting with the men, quiet and occasionally nodding in agreement with something his father said.

He caught your eye a couple of times and sent you a soft, tired smile.

The girls had been sitting together, playing with some of Amelia’s building blocks, but Amelia was behaving much like her Dad, quiet and not as excitable as she usually was with her cousins.

You felt exhausted yourself, so you were grateful when Jaz suggested she was going to get Summer and Mila ready for bed, wanting to do the same with Amelia.

It broke your heart when you saw Amelia sitting on the edge of the sofa, her lips pushed together in a pout.

You scooped her up, stroking her hair gently and rocking her back and forth. Your daughter immediately curled into you, pressing her face into your neck and letting out a sad little quiet cry.

You sighed, rubbing her back and letting her get it out of her system.

Thankfully, everyone was making a lot of noise and no one seemed to notice Amelia upset in your arms. You didn’t want them to faff around her, especially when you knew why she was so upset.

“Mase, can you make sure everything’s locked up before you come up, babe?” You called, glancing over your shoulder at him. He nodded, but frowned questioningly at the sight of Amelia clinging to you.

“C’mon, Amelia. Let’s say goodnight to Daddy and get to bed” You murmured, but unlike usual, Amelia refused to move her face out of your neck and clung to you tighter.

Mason’s face fell a little. Amelia had never gone to bed without saying goodbye to him, even when he was away, he always called her and his heart thudded in his chest wondering why his little girl didn’t wanna speak to him.

“I think we should all head to bed, it’s been a long day” Tony said, standing up and Mason nodded, albeit he was distracted by Amelia’s behaviour.

“Go on, head up. I’ll lock up down here” He mumbled, distractedly.

Mason held his hands out for Amelia, but she refused to go to him, and you just shook your head at him subtly, as his expression became pained.

“I’ll come up to say goodnight okay, baby?” He murmured instead, and pressed a kiss to the top of Amelia’s head, before you offered him a sad smile and carried her upstairs.

You helped her brush her teeth and get changed into her cute set of matching pyjamas with you, before slowly combing her hair back into a plait. Amelia didn’t speak, her lower lip still wobbling until you were satisfied that she was ready for bed and balanced her on your thighs so she could look at you.

“Amelia, what’s wrong?” You asked, gently.

Her big brown eyes found yours and a few tears leaked out of her eyes.

“Daddy doesn’t love me”

Your heart panted and you wanted to smack the back of Mason’s head for making her so upset, even though you knew he hadn’t done it intentionally.

“Of course Daddy loves you, Amelia. He’s just tired from travelling, that’s all. And he was a little sad, but you know you always make him really happy, don’t you?”

She refused to listen though, her cries getting a little louder, as she balled her hands into little fists and pressed them into her eyes.

”He played with Summer but not me”

Her jealousy over her cousin sent your heart racing, and you tried to think how best to navigate the situation.

“That doesn’t mean Daddy doesn’t love you, bubba. Daddy loves you more than anything in the whole wide world, you’re his favourite person” You reassured her, as she just continued to bawl into your chest.

“Oh, my sweet girl. Daddy’s going to feel awful about this” You sighed, cradling her in your arms and rocking her back and forth.

You hated seeing her so upset and you knew Mason was going to feel awful once you told him why she was being so icy with him.

“Shall we have some cuddles before bed?” You hummed, hoping the proposition would cheer her up, and when she snuggled further into you - you hoped it would mean she felt better.

Though she was still so young, and you knew that this was just a momentary feeling of sadness, you hated knowing she was so upset, and that she felt unsure about how much her Dad loved her.

You were laying on your bed, fingers running up and down Amelia’s back as you hummed a lullaby to her under your breath, admiring your baby and hoping she’d feel better in the morning.

It was only a short while later that Mason wandered into your bedroom, his expression softening immediately at the sight of his girls.

Amelia’s reluctance to look at him was still playing on his mind, and he was starting to feel worse than before, but he still plastered a smile as he climbed onto the bed next to you, reaching out to curl a strand of Amelia’s hair around his finger.

“Are you sleeping with us tonight my little princess?” He cooed, but to his disappointment, Amelia didn’t respond and just turned on her side, nestling further into you instead.

His face fell, and you just sighed.

“Amelia, Daddy asked you a question” You said, tickling her sides a little to elicit a giggle out of her, but she was too stubborn, just like her father.

“Amelia” Mason tried again, reaching for her to crawl into his arms, but she didn’t move.

“What’s wrong baby, why are you upset with me?” He asked, his pout identical to hers.

“I think she wanted you all to herself, babe. Looks like our girl doesn’t like sharing” You murmured, your voice barely above a whisper so Amelia didn’t hear you.

Mason’s mouth dropped a little, guilt flooding through him as he realised why his little girl was so upset with him, before he turned to Amelia, tilting her little head up so she would look at him.

“You know you’re my number one girl, don’t you bubba?”

Amelia didn’t speak, curling her lower lip into her mouth but when Mason reached for her this time, she didn’t fight him.

“Don’t you, Amelia?” Mason reiterated, his eyes searching hers.

Amelia’s resolve was beginning to weaken, and you couldn’t help but grin knowing that just like her mother, she was unable to resist him.

The toddler looked up at Mason with a sad pout, before nodding.

“Yes” She sniffed.

“That doesn’t sound like you know it, princess” Mason chided, playfully, holding his hands out and letting the little girl climb into his lap.

“I know it, daddy” Amelia sighed heavily as her lower lip began to wobble once more and she launched herself at him, starting to cry.

Both you and Mason exchanged a look, a little alarmed by her cries.

“I don’t like daddy being sad” Amelia bawled against his chest, and you felt your heart melt at the love she felt for him.

Mason’s heart ached.

As touched as he was that his daughter loved him so much, he couldn’t bear to see her so upset because of him. He held her tightly, pressing his face against her tiny head of hair, and rocking her back and forth.

“Daddy’s not sad, bubba. How can I be sad when I’m with my favourite girl in the world?” He cooed.

“Really, daddy?” Amelia asked, her tone hopeful and her tears beginning to dry.

Mason gently wiped the tears away, doing his best to hold back his own as he nodded. Amelia’s big brown eyes searched her father’s. He nodded again, and she stroked his face and leaned forward to kiss his nose, like he always did to her when she was feeling down.

“You’re the reason I smile everyday princess, you and Mummy”

You almost felt like you were intruding on their moment a little, but you felt yourself tear up a little at how sweet it was.

“Cuddles?” Mason suggested, glancing between you and your daughter, and you grinned, happy that she was feeling better.

You tried to lean in to Mason, but were met with the narrowed eyes of your daughter, giving you a dirty look.

You had to hold in a laugh, she was clearly tired of sharing her father with everyone all day.

“Alright my little diva, he’s all yours” You chuckled, leaning down to kiss the top of her head as she snuggled into Mason’s chest.

It didn’t stop Mason from sneaking an arm around your waist and holding you close. You knew he’d want to talk about it later, but for now you just enjoyed sharing a little family cuddle.

This.

This was your happy place and you wished you could stay like this forever.

You weren’t sure how long the three of you stayed like that until you heard a little knock on your door.

“Come in!” Mason called, as Jaz popped her head through the door.

“Aw” She cooed, when she caught sight of the three of you.

“Sorry to interrupt, Summer wants to know if she can have a sleepover with Amelia since it’s their last night here, and everyone wants Uncle Masey to read them a bedtime story” She said, her expression apologetic as she was sure Mason was too exhausted, but Mason just glanced at Amelia to see what she thought and she nodded her head enthusiastically.

“Yes, please daddy!” She said, eagerly.

“Well, how can I say no to that face?” He said, chuckling at the way her eyes lit up, before climbing out of bed.

“Coming, mama?” He turned to you, but you shook your head.

“I need to get ready for bed” You said, before gesturing for him to go, glad that both he and your daughter seemed to be feeling a little better.

You watched them with a smile as they followed Jaz to one of the guest rooms before climbing out of bed, and getting ready to shower before you slept.

For a few long moments, you stared at yourself in the mirror and wondered if tonight was the right time - you weren’t sure how Mason was feeling, but you decided you’d tell him only if it felt right.

You didn’t take too long in the shower, and once you’d finished all your skin care and were ready to climb into bed, Mason still wasn’t back.

You were pretty sure he was giving the girls a cinematic masterpiece of story time but you didn’t mind knowing that it would likely help him feel better too.

Inside the spare guest room, Mason was sat at the foot of the bed where the three little girls were all tucked in, all enamoured with his story about princesses and fairies.

As tired as he felt, their little faces looking up at him in awe made his day, especially Amelia - who’s eyes were now shining with joy, her earlier upset forgotten.

She was hanging on to his every word earnestly, whilst Mila dropped off first with Summer following quickly after.

Eventually it was just Amelia still awake, looking up at her Dad sleepily.

Sometimes Mason couldn’t believe she was actually real.

“I’m sorry Daddy made you sad tonight, my angel” Mason sighed, making sure to tuck her under the covers properly, but she just blinked sleepily.

“I’m sad when Daddy’s sad” She admitted, quietly, and Mason pushed his lip out in a pout, before bending down to kiss her forehead.

“Well, daddy’s never going to be sad ever again in that case” He told her, his voice soft as he stroked her hair, watching her adoringly as she slowly succumbed to her exhaustion.

“It’s okay daddy, even if you’re sad, me and Mummy, and Summer and Mila will cheer you up” She reassured him.

“I love you so much, Amelia” Mason murmured, quietly, as she smiled sleepily.

“I love you most daddy” She hummed, before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.

Mason stood there for a little while, just watching her sleep.

He’d felt miserable coming home, but now he wasn’t really sure why. His heart felt so full with love as he glanced down at his daughter and his two nieces, and he could feel a lump forming in his throat.

He hated being away from her, he felt like he missed too much. She looked so much like you, a genuine carbon copy even though she had his eyes.

He really was the luckiest man in the world, and knowing he had this amazing family made him forget about the disappointment of his job and realise that family would always be more important.

He pressed one final kiss to her forehead, before quietly leaving the bedroom, knowing the three girls were sound asleep.

You were laying in bed, scrolling through your social media when he wandered back into your bedroom half an hour later.

He looked tired, but that familiar twinkle was back in his eye and you were just relieved he looked better.

He quickly brushed his teeth before crawling into bed next to you in nothing but a pair of sleep shorts.

“Finally remembered me, have you?” You joked, grinning at him.

“I think she’s more jealous than you” Mason hummed, flopping down onto the bed, and laying his head on your chest.

You placed your phone, face down on your bedside table as you carded your fingers through his hair, scratching at his scalp gently.

Mason responded by pressing a gentle kiss over your heart.

“Like mother, like daughter” You hummed, and he let out a soft laugh, his hands winding around your waist, and clinging to you tightly.

“How are you feeling baby?” You asked, as Mason rolled off you and sat up against the headboard, gesturing for you to climb onto his lap. You did as he wanted, sliding your arms over his shoulders, so you could hug him properly.

“I felt shit about the game, and then knowing I upset Amelia felt even worse, but I’m okay now” He admitted.

You smiled gently, cupping his face in your hand and stroking his cheek.

“Little missy does not like sharing her daddy, does she?” You smiled, and he nodded.

“I hope she knows I’d die for her, she’s everything to me” He said, his tone sounding a little far away, getting a distant look in his eye and you knew he was feeling guilty about how upset she’d been.

”Baby” You cooed, holding his head up with your other hand and forcing him to look at you.

“Of course she knows that - she’s just our little drama queen” You reassured him, and he nodded, smiling and there was something about the soft way that he was looking at you that made you decide to take the plunge and tell him your little secret.

“She’s going to have to learn how to share though” You continued, trying to sound as casual as possible as you caught his eye.

Mason didn’t catch on, tilting his head to the side and looking a little confused by your words.

“What do you mean?”

You felt your heart thump in your chest.

This felt especially reminiscent of the first time, and what the heck - why not?

You reached for his hands, placing them on top of your belly, watching the exact moment that the realisation struck him.

He gasped, his eyes widening as he blinked before looking up at you.

“No way” He breathed.

You couldn’t help but giggle at his reaction, as you nodded.

Your heart melted as his eyes welled with tears, and he launched forward, peppering kisses all over your face.

“We’re having another baby?” He tried to keep his voice down, but there was no hiding the excitement in him.

“We’re having another baby” You confirmed, unable to stop giggling out of joy as Mason fell on top of you, overwhelmed with happiness, as his hands smoothed over your tummy, and he continued kissing your face.

“I love you, I love you so much!” He breathed, before leaning down to pepper kisses to your stomach.

His reaction made you wonder why you’d been nervous about telling him at all, and you felt overwhelmed with happiness.

Your heart felt ready to burst from the joy you felt, and you were so relieved you didn’t need to keep it a secret from him for any longer.

It took a little while for the news to sink in, as he kept repeating the same question in disbelief.

“You’ve actually turned this into the best day ever” He breathed, closing the distance between you with a searing kiss.

You sank into him, your body humming with love and happiness as you let him show you just how much he loved you.

Later that night you lay in his arms, head resting on his chest, as he occasionally dropped soft kisses to the top of your head. His hand was resting on your tummy, stroking your soft skin, as you both basked in the utter happiness you felt.

Mason’s sadness about the game, and upsetting Amelia was long gone and all he could feel was ecstasy that your little family was growing and he was going to get to experience being a dad all over again.

“I love you so much, Y/N. You really are the reason I smile every single day, I could never do this without you” He professed, and his words touched your heart so deeply, you found yourself welling up with tears.

“Mase” You said, softly lifting your head to look up at him.

“I love you too - more than I know how to tell you” You admitted softly.

”Oh God, Amelia’s not going to be happy when we tell her” He suddenly groaned, throwing his head back onto his pillow as the pair of you erupted into giggles knowing that your little girl was especially territorial over her father and wouldn’t be happy about having to share him with her baby sister or brother.

“She’ll be fine, she’s like her mummy after all” You reassured him, although you did find it amusing wondering how he was going to juggle the attention of two babies on a daily basis.

“Perfect just like her mummy” Mason said, sincerely.

“And this little bubba is going to be perfect too” He murmured, as you threaded your fingers through his and placed them atop your tummy, both of you in awe of the fact that you were growing another child.

“You really are my dream come true, angel. You know that?”

His words were so sweet, you couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear, looking over and meeting his gaze.

Mason’s eyes twinkled with happiness before leaning down to press a gentle kiss to your lips, and you felt your heart settle because he was finally home and you were both ready to embark on this next new chapter together.

#fic rec

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mountymase · 2 days

Text

you deserve better — mason mount

A/N: hiii 👋🏻 so this one is specially to my love @raremasey, thank you for trusting me with your brilliant idea and for being soooo patient with me and my slow ass, im not sure if the angst is angsting but i hope you like it 💞

word count: 8.3k | masterlist

content: depressed!mase, mental health issues, miscommunication, angst & fluffy end

“You’re breaking up with me?” you asked, confused.

You had just returned from the grocery shop when Mason told you he wanted to talk. You were surprised he was awake, lately your boyfriend was often so tired he would come back from training and sleep until he had to leave again, so you should’ve assumed that what was coming wasn’t good.

“It’s not like this” he muttered. “I just want us to take a break”

You laughed sarcastically, not knowing how to deal with what you were feeling.

“A break? Wow. What the fuck do you mean, Mason?”

“This is for the best, Y/N” Mason sighed, looking tired. “I want the best for you”

“For the best? Oh my God, I just moved in with you. I left everything behind. I have no friends here, I have no job. I followed you because Manchester was what you needed, and you’re asking me for a break?” you laughed again, trying to hold the tears.

After two years dating Mason, seeing the man you love in the verge of tears asking you for a break was the last thing you expected to see when you just moved together.

“You don’t get it” he rested his face on his hands, breathing deeply. He knows you wouldn't understand — you’re not inside his messy mind. But he wished you could at least believe he would always do what’s best for you, and right now he’s not. Right now, he’s the worst person you could have by your side.

“You’re right, I don’t. I don’t get why the man I love is standing in front of me telling me he doesn’t want me anymore” you felt a single hot tear spilling down your face and cleaned it aggressively. “That I’m not the woman he loves anymore”

“It’s not like that, Y/N! Please… of course I still want you, and that’s why I’m doing this. I’m sorry that I don’t know how to explain”

You frowned, not believing that he was telling you he loves you while breaking up with you. You felt pathetic.

“There’s no need. I’ll just need a few days so I can get my things” you kept holding your tears, trying to show you had everything handled.

Mason’s face dropped, and even though you didn’t notice, his hands were shaking.

“You don’t- you can stay here. I wouldn’t ask you to leave, you moved with me. This house is yours too” he tried to change your mind and you laughed sarcastically at his words.

“This house is anything but mine”

“You don’t need to spend money moving somewhere else, please, stay”

“What the hell, Mason? Do you want me to move to the guest room? Want me to be your distant cousin when you start bringing girls here?” you exploded, screaming and pointing him a finger.

“I would never” he shook his head. “I would never bring anyone here”

“Right, so you want me to stay here to hear when you come back drunk after you fucked them somewhere else”

“Y/N, this is not-”

“I’ll accept your offer whilst I see how I’ll move back to London” you interrupted him, wanting to get out of his view quickly. “Goodnight, Mason”

—

You didn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you crying, so as soon as you grabbed most of your stuff in his bedroom you locked yourself in the guest room and finally let your emotions take control.

What the hell has just happened?

Why did the guy you felt was your soulmate just broke up with you after two years of promising you the world?

It felt like Mason had just realised what you’ve been fearing since you’ve met: you’re not enough for him. His lifestyle doesn’t match yours, the amount of money he has, the places he needs to be.

You’re just a girl from Portsmouth, whilst Mason it’s Portsmouth’s star.

Before you could notice, you were crying loudly, strong sobs cutting your breath.

Mason knocked on the door, trying to open before realising it was locked.

“Y/N- can we talk? Please, baby”

“Don’t call me baby” you screamed at the closed door, hugging your pillow tighter. “I can’t even ask you to go away because we’re in your fucking house, the least you can do is leave me alone”

Mason felt his heart aching. In his head, the spiral of thoughts made so much more sense, but from the moment he said them out loud he knew he fucked up.

But he also knows he couldn’t take it back. You deserve more than he’s capable of offering to you right now, and he knows he can’t keep dragging you down with him.

Giving you the space you needed, he walked to his room — yous room, and tried to sleep in his cold and empty bed, but the way you were crying kept stabbing his heart.

And even though he was aware that was his fault, the need to hold you and comfort you kept him awake.

—

When you woke up, Mason had already left for training, and you thanked the universe for that.

You walked to the kitchen, looking for ice to help you with your puffy eyes, and something light to eat. You were still feeling nauseous and too sad to eat a proper meal, so you grabbed a few grapes and a tiny bottle of juice.

After eating, you tried to go to Mason’s room to pick up any stuff you might have left there the night before, but the vision of his door made you feel like throwing up. How the fuck you were supposed to face this whilst living in the same house as him?

Why the fuck he would ask you that?

You realised that questioning the whole thing and trying to find answers in an empty house wouldn’t help you move out quicker, so you went back to the guest room and took a shower, trying to start a fresh new day.

With your fresh set of pyjamas and your laptop, you went downstairs to grab a bottle of your favourite cold tea and sat on the couch and started looking for ways to reorganise your life.

You looked for a few jobs, so you could move as soon as possible, and also took the time to search for a few universities. When you met Mason you had just finished high school and were enjoying life a bit before going for college since your job was nice and it gave you the chance to do a lot of things.

But then, he told you about moving, and none of you wanted to be far apart so you left everything behind and followed you.

Mason never made you feel bad about moving with him without having money to help. In fact, he’d always been supportive, encouraging you to stop looking for a job and getting in college instead.

Even now, he’s not even asking for you to leave his house, always acting like what is his, it’s yours too.

But if you never felt good living on his money, then now you feel even worse.

You want a new job, and you want to go to college. And you’ll do both.

—

It was a tough week.

You ignored Mason, Mason tried to give you privacy, you got mad at Mason for giving you privacy because it was like he was trapped in his own house and Mason had no idea how to fix what he just broke.

Between all of it, you were still looking for a job and applying to your favourite universities, cleaning the house when you could and cooking Mason’s meals.

Seeing that you were still making him breakfast and dinner every day made him feel even worse. Every time he was back from training, he entered his room wanting to cuddle and to let you comfort him, but then he was taken aback with the realisation of what he did.

To be fair, you know Mason tried to talk to you a few times, and even slept by your door one night since you wouldn’t unlock it when he was home.

But you were hurt. Really hurt. You know he’s been facing a hard time, but the fact he wanted a break from you made you insecure. It broke the blind trust you had in him.

It didn’t help that in the same week the tabloids instantly started talking about Mason and a mysterious girl, questioning if he was single or if he was cheating, and the fans started coming to your profiles, asking you about him.

It was such a coincidence the news talking about it in the same week he dumped you, that it was obvious for you that he was probably seen with someone else. With another girl.

So you drowned in study, only leaving your room to cook and to run outside for a few minutes, trying to focus on yourself and remain healthy even though your heart was falling apart.

During the day it was easier since you were alone at home. The nights were the worst.

Knowing he was there, but not with you. Not being able to talk with your favourite person, to hear about his day. Not being able to cuddle to sleep, to hold his face in your hands.

And knowing that he was the reason why you weren’t able to love on him.

By the second week, you were a wrecking mess.

Gossip pages kept talking about Mason and this girl, that you don’t know who it is. You only left your room when he was at training or at a game, locking the door when he was at home, and the only way you knew about him was through Man United’s social media.

On a particular night, you had cooked his dinner and headed to your room, taking a long shower and getting ready for bed. You had just chosen what you would watch when your phone started buzzing with a FaceTime call from Mason’s brother.

Sighing, you accepted the call and waited for him to talk.

“Y/N? Hey, I’m sorry I’m calling you kinda late, but it’s everything okay?” Lewis’ concerned face filled the screen and you recognised his car. “Mason is not answering since this morning and I’m starting to worry, we’re getting there so I wanted to be sure he’s at home”

Lewis had no idea, but his words brought the worst kind of panic to your heart. You jumped out of the bed without even answering him and rushed outside, unlocking your door and running to the other side of the corridor before opening Mason’s room door to see that his bed was empty and messy.

Running downstairs with your heart in your mouth, you entered the living room in a rush, stopping suddenly when a group of men entered your view. Shaw, Rashford, Höjlund and McTominay were playing video games and eating snacks, but Mason was nowhere to be seen.

“Y/N? We woke you up?” Luke seemed surprised, instantly getting on his feet and approaching you. “Mase told us you were out this night, I’m sorry if we disturbed you”

When you didn’t answer, Rashford got on his feet too.

“You’re pale, Y/N. It’s everything alright? Do you need anything?”

You looked around, feeling lost in the place you used to call home, Lewis forgotten in your phone.

“What’s wrong?” Mason showed up coming from the kitchen and taking a few seconds to notice you were there. The sight of your confused face and the bags under your eyes made his heart hurt. He hadn’t seen you in so long… “Y/N-”

“Lewis is trying to talk to you” you murmured, giving a quick smile to his teammates before heading upstairs, back to your room.

When you finally closed the door, your entire body began to shake, your heart having difficulties to process that he was fine and nothing that you imagined had actually happened.

The anxiety and panic you’ve felt minutes before got the best of you and you try to make it to your bed, falling a few steps before reaching it.

“Hey” Lewis’ alarmed voice reminded you he was still in the call. “What’s wrong? You’re on the floor? Wait, why did you enter the guest room? Y/N, what’s happening? Jaz, can you take my phone and talk to her please”

You tried to answer him, but everything that left your lips were heavy sobs and grunts, your hips hurting from the fall. When Jaz’s face showed up, you felt the urge to let it all go like you’d with your sister — a sister you don’t have.

“Y/N you need to breathe. Breath with me” she tried to keep your attention on her while, noticing how uneven your breath was. “Can you tell me what happened?”

You shook your head, still feeling like you were choking on your tears. “I’m sorry. I thought ‘well, it must be bad if he’s not answering his own brother’, and then the possibilities terrified me”

“It’s okay, He’s okay, isn’t he?” Jaz calmed you, and you nodded. “Good. Now, keep breathing. What happened? Why does it seem like you’re having a panic attack?”

“I don’t know if I should talk about this with his sister, Jaz”

“Don’t be silly, I just wanna help you. I’m like your big sister too, aren’t I?”

“I miss you” you sighed, pouting like a kid.

“We’re almost there, my love. Do you think you can open the door for us?”

You tried to get on your feet and the pain was instant.

“I can’t, actually. My hip hurts”

“Hurts like you’ll need painkillers or like you can’t actually get up?” Lewis’ voice could be heard, and you attempted to get up.

“I don’t know” you whined. “Like I can’t get up, I think”

“Do you want me to call an ambulance?” Jaz asked, concerned, but you were quick to say no.

“No! No, his name will be everywhere tomorrow”

“He wouldn’t care if it’s for you, Y/N”

“Now he might, I don’t know”

“What do you mean?” Jaz frowned at you.

You figured out there was no need to hide from them, once they’d found out as soon as they saw Mason, so you shrugged.

“We broke up”

“What? Why?” she looked more confused that yourself that night.

“I don’t know. He asked for a break, but I don’t do breaks. Why would you need a break from someone you love? So you can be with someone else without feeling guilty? And then the tabloides…”

“Yeah, we saw it. That’s why we’re coming over, we we’re worried about how he’s dealing with it”

“I don’t think he’s too worried about it” you sighed, telling them the last few weeks and what just happened in the living room.

“And he hadn’t followed you to see how you are? What if we weren’t coming over, would you lay hurt on the floor forever?” you could hear Lewis’ voice, and your cheeks got red.

“I’ve been locking myself when he’s at home, so he hadn’t had the chance to talk to me even when he tried to”

“Y/N… communication is the key” Jaz told you.

“I know, but this is not the time to talk about it”

“Fine. We’re here” Lewis announced, turning off the engine.

—

“Lewis?” Mason opened the door, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

Thankfully, the boys had already left and Mason was alone in the living room.

“Goodnight Mase. Can I talk with Y/N?”

“Oh, so” he scratched his neck, not ready to talk about it yet. “About this, there’s something I need to tell you”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll go to her room real quick, yeah?”

“She’s not in our room. And she doesn’t unlock the door when I’m home”

“She will unlock it for me, don’t worry” Lewis tapped his shoulder before heading to the guest room.

“Have you talked to her?” Mason frowned, following his brother. You could hear they talking and you hid your face with your arm so Mason couldn’t see you’ve been crying.

“Hey Y/N, it’s Lewis. Jaz is in the car, can I take you to her?”

You nodded, groaning when he lifted you up.

“What happened?” Mason asked, but no one answered him. “Y/N? Are you hurt?”

You could feel the desperation in his voice, but you had no strength to talk. Lewis put you in the car, where Jaz instantly hugged you, before going back inside to take your stuff.

“What the hell are you doing?” Mason asked, watching Lewis looking for something in his bedroom’s bathroom.

“Taking Y/N’s stuff, she’s going back to Portsmouth with me and Jaz”

After taking what he needed from Mason’s room, he went to the guest room to take only the essential things he thought you could need.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m taking her out of this house. I won’t let you treat her like that” Lewis kept talking with a firm tone whilst taking your skincare products and then looking for a few pieces of clothes. “She can stay at mum’s for a while”

Mason’s eyes widened. “No. No, you’re not” he tried to take your stuff from Lewis’ hands.

His brother gave him a look and Mason stopped immediately. He wanted Lewis to scream at him, and the fact he was talking low and contained was killing Mason.

“Try me, Mason Mount” Lewis whispered. “We all know you’re going through something, and you know how much I love you, but this is not an excuse. I thought you would ask her for help. Find comfort in her to get through this. But asking for a break? Going out and hooking up with other girls while she’s still living with you? Do you have any idea how she was when we found her?”

Mason stayed silent, so Lewis kept talking.

“Jaz wanted to call the ambulance, if this can make you understand why she’s coming with us”

Mason’s eyes watered and he wanted to explain better, tell his brother that he never hooked up with other girls and why he asked you for a time, but he should’ve done this days ago — Lewis wouldn’t hear him now. Neither would you.

“It’s not like that, Lewis, I never hooked up with anyone-“ he shook his head, but his brother headed to the door without paying attention.

Mason ran to block his way, receiving a flat look, and Lewis sighed. “You don’t have to make this more difficult than it already is, Mase. She’s coming with me”

“No!” Mason screamed at his face, and it was obvious how unbalanced the younger one was. “She’s not”

“Mason, I’m your brother and I will never let go of your hand, but you need to calm down and think about what you want. I‘ll call you tomorrow so we can talk, alright?” Lewis kissed Mason’s forehead and walked to his car with your bag.

Mason’s heart broke in a million pieces seeing you huddled in the back seat, Jaz’s body cuddling yours. His eyes watered when he called your name and you didn’t look at him, your shoulders shaking.

How the hell did he ruin his entire life in just two weeks?

When his brother started the car, Mason instantly picked up his phone and texted Luke.

—

The ride back to Portsmouth was long and you slept through most of it, not even realising when Jaz and Lewis switched places so he could rest too.

“Since it’s Friday night we’re all in our family’s house” Jaz told you as soon as she saw your eyes open. “Do you mind coming with us? I can book an hotel if it’s too much for you, being with his family”

“No, I’d love to spend some time with you all. You know how much I love your family, Jaz”

“We love you a lot, too. Especially Summer, but the whole family loves you” Jaz giggled, thinking about how happy Summer will get just by seeing you.

“The whole family but my boyfriend” you laughed,

“I’m sure we’ll understand what’s going on tomorrow, Y/N. Lewis will talk to him”

You shrugged, feeling too tired to debate. Jaz helped you settle in one of the guest rooms, and since it was in the middle of the night you didn’t see anyone.

By the morning, everybody was really happy to see you, and explaining the whole thing to Debbie was the worst part of it.

“I don’t know what’s happening with him” she told you with a sad tone. “I’m not trying to defend him, Y/N, please no. I’m just so worried. He doesn’t answer our calls anymore, barely answer our texts, doesn’t want to come visit”

“It’s just a hard time, Debbie. I know he misses you and his old life, he misses London and his friends. It’s been a rough time for him” you smiled softly. “I think he’s just feeling lost, and maybe I just didn’t made him feel settled there”

“Still, this is not an excuse to do what he did” Lewis interrupted, sitting on the other sofa. “If he’s lost, if he’s struggling, if he’s sad, he needs help. Pushing you aside it’s not the answer. No when you left your life for him. You lost things too”

“Lewis is right, you left everything behind. He is not obligated to stay with you just out of gratitude, but if he wanted to end things then he should’ve done it in a better way” Debbie nodded. “I think I should visit him so we can have a talk”

“I called him this morning” Lewis sighed. “I think he needs real help, mum. But we’ll help him, yeah?”

He kissed Debbie’s head, but Jaz frowned at him.

“What do you mean with real help?” she asked, sighing too when Lewis shrugged. “I think we shouldn’t have left him alone”

“Yeah, we shouldn’t have, but he’s okay. Shaw talked to me about half an hour ago. Jaz, can we talk real quick?”

Once they left you alone with Debbie and Summer, you tried to play with the little one and give her attention. When she asked why you were there, you told her that uncle Mason and you had a little fight, but that everything was okay.

“Oh” Summer gasped. “This is why uncle Mase told me he was sad?”

You frowned, suddenly worried. Mason never let his nieces get in the middle of adult problems, so you pulled Summer closer and kissed her head.

“What do you mean, baby girl? What did Uncle Mase have told you?”

“That he was feeling really, really sad, and that he was hurt” she pouted, pointing to her forehead. “Here”

You tried to keep focused on her, but you could only think about Mason, your heart aching just from thinking about what ‘really, really sad” meant.

When the adults were back, Summer was practically sleeping so Lewis took her and left you and Jaz alone.

“I’ll have this conversation with you, because I see how bad you’re hurting and I care too much about you. But I’m not trying to say he’s not wrong, or that you should forgive him just because of his condition, this is not what I think at all and-”

“Jaz! Just say it” you interrupted her, your heart racing in your chest.

“We think Mase has been in a depressed state. Not depressive yet, but it won’t take long if nothing changes”

“Alright” you took a deep breath, already feeling guilty that his siblings stayed by your side and that the three of you left him alone at home. “What do we do now?”

“We?” Jaz asked. “Are you sure?”

“We know Mason, Jaz. Of course I’m hurt, especially by the fact he preferred asking for a break instead of asking for help, but I’m not letting him by himself when he needs me the most”

“There’s not much we can do” she sighed, and you imagined how hard it was probably being to his siblings, seeing their baby boy in a state like this. “Lewis talked to Shaw and they decided to take Mase to the club’s doctor. It’s a start, but Mason needs to want help for this to work”

You nodded, feeling overwhelmed by a feeling you couldn’t even explain. He’s facing a hard time - but he’s alive, and as long as he’s still here, he can face this.

And despite being worried about him, knowing that the way he acted wasn’t entirely his fault took the part of the weight out of your shoulder. Even though his actions were still hurting, the truth is that you’d always be patiently waiting for him to be better.

For him to come back.

Before you went to bed that night, your phone buzzed with a single text, your heart trying to jump out of your chest whilst your entire body ached with the urge of holding your boy again.

—

Two months later, you were still missing him like crazy.

You never answered that text, simply because you had nothing to say. It was a promise, and you were waiting for him to keep it.

Since you left Manchester, Lewis would send you a message every morning saying “Mase is asking about you, do I have permission to tell him anything?”, and the answer would always be “as long as you tell me how he is”.

Even though you were still feeling hurt, the answers always made you smile. “He started therapy today” and “he’s back at training” were the ones you loved the most to know. And, of course, the fact he asked about you every single day warmed your heart.

Lewis told you that the only reason why Mason hadn’t visited yet nor sent you any message was because he only wanted to talk with you when he was feeling more like himself again, and you respected it.

Of course you’d be there for him if he asked you, but deep down you wanted to see your Mason — not the one who asked you for a break.

So, since the day Jaz and Lewis brought you to Portsmouth you’ve been at Debbie’s house. She and Tony took care of you, giving you space every time you needed but also supporting you to go out a bit, study outside or even hang out with them. You also started a remote job, and it felt like the only thing left for you to be fully happy was for Mason to be good.

You discovered that the family used to reunite every weekend, so they could have lunch together — and, when Mason is playing, so they can watch him. By every weekend, you felt more part of the family, and the fear that maybe Mason meant it that night, that maybe he won’t want you around even when he feels better, started to grow inside you.

One of those weekends, almost four months that you left Manchester, Summer wanted to go to the park before lunch and most of the family followed her and Jaz. You stayed at home with Tony so you could keep an eye on a sleepy Mila, since Jaz didn’t want to wake her up.

You were in the living room, watching Mila’s peaceful sleep when someone knocked at the front door and Tony left the kitchen saying “I got this”. You chuckled at how cute and sweet he always is, but then found it weird when he didn't return with whoever was knocking, making your way to check if everything was alright.

“Dad, please. I just wanna talk with her” you stopped in your tracks, feeling goosebumps all over your body. There’s no way you could not know this voice.

“I don’t know if she wants the same, Mase. Let me check, alright? I’ll just ask real quick” Tony told him, and you appreciated that he thought about your well being. If you didn’t want to talk with Mason — which you do, it could turn into a mess if he let him enter without warming you.

“Tony, c’mon” Mason snorted, and you know he’s impatient. “That’s my girl. I just need to see her”

Tony stared at Mason for a few seconds and you bit a smile, quickly stepping into their vision field.

“It’s alright. Can you give us a moment?” you touched his shoulder, and the way Mason’s eyes shimmered when he saw you made your tummy flutter.

“Of course. Kid, you’re staying for lunch?”

“Yeah” he nodded, eyes not leaving you.

“So you better come help me when you finished your talk” Tony teased, kissing Mason’s head before heading to the kitchen.

There was a few seconds of silence before Mason shook his head.

“Sorry I didn’t text you, I was trying not to think about it so I wouldn’t give up. But I owe you an explanation” he bit his lower lip, and you could tell by his breath that he was trying not to cry. “Would you- could you listen? Even though this doesn’t change anything, I just need to know that you know what happened”

“C’mon, let’s go to the living room” you smiled, your heart pounding with the sad expression on his face, but then he smiled and followed you. “Why you’re not in Manchester right now? I thought you had a game tomorrow”

“I asked for a day, so I could come and talk to you” Mason shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big thing.

“Mason! You’re just back in the squad, you can’t ask for a day” you scolded, crossing your arms and turning back at him.

“It’s okay, I need a break and they’ll probably say I just have food poisoning or something like this. How do you know I’m back in the squad?” he smirked, sitting first so you could choose if you wanted to sit next to him or not.

You wish you were stronger, but you missed him so much that sitting across the room felt wrong, so you sat beside him.

“Knowing” you rolled your eyes. “So, what’s so important that you couldn’t wait?”

There were a few more seconds in silence, but it didn’t bother you. You know, from Lewis’ daily updates, how difficult it has been for Mason to get on track again, so you let him go at his own pace.

“You” he played with his fingers, trying to keep his hands to himself. “I couldn’t wait to see you. The idea that I’m losing you a little bit more everyday that you spend without an explanation is killing me. I know the blame is on me and I have no right to ask you anything, but here I am asking you to try to understand, because I miss you”

You felt your eyes watering, so you blinked away the tears.

“I miss you too, but..”

“Don’t say it” he interrupted you, shaking his head and looking away. You could tell when he was on the verge of tears, and the sudden change in his mood got you worried.

“What?”

“I don’t wanna know. If you don’t love me anymore, please don’t tell me” he pleaded, fingers fidgeting the hem of his shirt.

“Don’t be silly” you reached for his hand, intertwining your pinkies to distract him from whatever he was feeling. “I already understand what happened, yeah? I don’t blame you”

“You should” Mason shrugged.

“It’s just…” you ignored what he said. “I think it’s hard for me to just suddenly open my heart for you again? I know you were in a dark space and it wasn’t your fault and you didn’t mean to hurt me but it did. It hurt a lot”

Mason squeezed your hand and his shaky breath broke made your heart ache.

“I’m sorry”

“I know you are. Wanna tell me what happened? How were you feeling that night?”

It took him a few seconds to answer, but the silence wasn’t weird anymore. You’ve known each other for a while now, and even though the Mason you left weeks ago pushed you away, he doesn’t look like this one.

This one looks like your Mason.

“I don’t know how to describe it” he started. “But the last six months have been hard. First, I’m sorry I lied to you about this for four months, and I’m sorry I wasn’t being honest every time you asked me if I was good. I do trust you, and I know I should’ve told you, but I was scared”

You squeezed his hand to tell him it was okay without interrupting him, waiting for him to continue.

“It started with a few and normal insecurities, things everybody feels. ‘What if I’m not what the team is expecting, what if I fail here, what if I’m not good enough’. And then it escalated so fast. I started skipping meals because they didn’t look interesting, sleeping from the moment I got home to the moment I needed to leave for training, not actually wanting to talk with anyone. And I know you thought I was just tired and dealing with a lot, so please don’t feel guilty about it”

Too late, you thought. How haven’t you noticed that the man you love was struggling?

“The only thing that kept me going was you. You were the only person I still wanted to see, the only voice that wouldn’t annoy me. But soon I started thinking that if I really love you so much then I should let you go, because you were stuck with an unhappy man. A man that wasn’t taking you on date nights anymore, a man that wasn’t giving you attention. A man that wasn’t even making love with you”

“Lack of sex never bothered me” you murmured, incapable of keeping silent. Mason gave you a sad smile and nodded.

“I know. I know, because you never pushed me. And now I know that if you were so kind thinking I was stressed and busy with work, you would’ve helped me if I had just told you how I was feeling. But the only thing my mind could think is that you deserved better, Better than me” he started biting his nails, so you took his other hand in yours too. “But still I was so selfish that even though you deserved better, and wanted you around. I was so scared that you would actually find ‘the better’ as soon as you left our house. When Lewis took you, I don’t know. I think it was the worst day of my existence”

“He had good intentions”

“I’m glad he took you, now. I was so involved in my own misery that I couldn’t see how bad it was affecting you. He told me that that day Jaz almost called an ambulance because you were on the verge of a panic attack. I’m so sorry. Do you know I never hooked up with anyone, don’t you?”

You nodded, remembering that Lewis told you what happened. A female fan, a paparazzi. It was enough to build the narrative.

“It’s okay, Mase” you smiled, hurt more by the miscommunication than anything else.

“No, it’s not” he started playing with your fingers and you let him. “God, I should’ve told you. Asked you for help, reassurance, anything”

“A damaged brain doesn’t work properly, Mason. Stop blaming yourself for how you reacted. Yeah, it hurted me and of course in an ideal world you would ask for help and I’d help you, but it’s not how it happened so let’s not stick to the past, alright?” you told him with a gentle tone, stroking his hand with your thumb. “What has happened since Lewis brought me here?”

“I called Luke and told him everything. Like, everything. The dark thoughts and how I treated you and he refused to let me alone. I think he was afraid, so he picked me up and made me sleep at his house. Lewis called me by morning and we had a chat, but everything was so cloudy and I couldn’t make decisions. Anouska was the one who told Luke what to do, so he talked to Lewis himself, put me in the car and took me to the club’s therapist. I’ve been seeing him since”

Mason took a deep breath, and you could feel his hands shaking.

“I know I hurt you, and there’s not a single day from the past four months that I don’t feel like pushing my face for it, and I’m so sorry I made your days harder and sadder, and if I could I’d let you live your life away from me so you could be happy with someone who won’t hurt you, but I can’t. I can’t live without you and I just need one more chance so I can make it up to you” he finally looked at you again. “That’s what I’m here for. I want another chance, Y/N. In your own pace and you can decide everything, but please”

You observed his pinky cheeks and shy gaze, smiling when he looked away.

“Are you shy?” you teased, amused that you were still capable of making him feel like a teenager.

“Stop, this is already hard enough” he groaned, making you laugh.

“Sorry” you smiled. “I guess I can accept your offer. First date when?”

“Oh- uh- I was-” he stuttered, and you bit a smile. “Wanna go to my next game?”

“We’re starting over, aren’t we? You shouldn’t bring someone who’s not even your girlfriend to your game” you teased again, giggling when his cheeks got even more redder.

“But I want you to be my girlfriend” he pouted, and his sincerity made your entire body heat. He was still your precious boy, after all.

“You’ll need to win your position back” you shrugged, and Mason was still pouting. “So, first date first”

“Come back to Manchester” his pout grew bigger and you wanted to kiss him, but you held yourself back.

“Mase! I just said you’ll have to win your position back and you want me to live with you?” you laughed, rolling your eyes playfully.

“No! I’ll pay for your hotel” his cheeks were burning. “I just need you around. Plus, how am I supposed to take you on a date if you’re too far away from me?”

“Fair enough. I’ll think about it” you winked, but Mason knows you too well to find out the answer by your smile.

“Lunch is ready” Tony screamed from the kitchen and you got on your feet, still holding his hands.

“Come here” you asked him, smiling when he shyly got closer. “I’m really proud of you, Mason. Even though you needed help to get to a doctor, staying and getting better was your decision”

“Thank you”

“Now let’s eat” you kissed the bridge of his nose and led him to the kitchen, holding his hand.

Tony smiled when he saw Mason’s pinky face and your hands intertwined, but you appreciated his silence about it.

When you heard the unmistakable Summer’s voice screaming ‘that’s uncle Mase’s car’, you knew you were back at home again — or, at least, very, very close.

—

The damn hotel was booked the next morning. Mason spent the night at his parents’, but in a different room, saying that ‘you won’t sleep in the same bed as someone who’s not your boyfriend yet’ — and it was your turn to pout.

By the morning, you were coming back to Manchester with him. It felt weird at first, and leaving the comfort of his parents’ house where you know they’d take care of you was scary, but Mason proved you had nothing to be scared of.

He drove whilst you watched movies and played video games on his big television, telling him you liked his new car.

“Glad you liked it, we’ll use it a lot” was his answer, and something in his tone made you blush before getting back to play.

When he left you in your hotel, Mason warned you he needed to sleep and take care of a few things, but told you to be ready by 7pm.

Mason was punctual, waiting for you exactly at seven. He kissed your forehead, not before making you feel undressed by his gaze, and gave you his arm to hold.

The restaurant was really close so he asked you if you wanted to walk and you accepted. The weather was nice and you loved walking, taking advantage of the situation to press your body against Mason’s.

There wasn’t much to say, so the pair of you walked in silence just enjoying each other’s existence. When you got to the restaurant and the waiter guided you to the reservation, Mason was instantly shy.

“What’s wrong?” you asked him with a teasing smile, not used to how shy he was around you even after so long.

“What are we supposed to talk about? We already know each other” he bit his bottom lip, eyes dragging down your body again. “And your dress makes me nervous”

“Why are you so silly?’ you groaned, and it was your turn to blush. “You can tell me what I’ve lost the last couple of months”

“Fine. I’m back in the squad and they said I can start next week. I also have therapy once a week now and we’re trying natural medicine” he told you shyly, the pinky cheeks you love showing up. “He told me I was in a depressed state but he could help me, and he’s helping”

“This makes me incredibly happy, Mase” you squeezed his hand over the table, his face turning even more red. “I’m genuinely so proud of you, and I hope you know there’s no shame in asking for help and taking medicine. And even though he is indeed helping you, you’re doing the hard job”

“Thank you” he smiled, holding your hand. “Now your turn. What have I lost?”

“I’ve been studying a lot” you smiled, not knowing how to tell him the news. “And some universities kinda accepted me?”

“Really? This is amazing babe, you know I’ve always thought you were the most intelligent person I’ve ever met”

It was true, Mason always told you how intelligent you were, and even though receiving compliments made you really shy, you were blushing for another reason, the way the pet name slipped through his lips like he never stopped using them with you.

“Yeah, one in Manchester, two in London and another one in Barcelona”

“Great. You’re so fucking good, it’s insane how you always makes me proud. Are you going to one of them?” he praised you, making your face burn with shame — and something else.

“I want to, but I haven’t decided to which one yet”

You had, actually.

“As long as you choose the one you really wants, I’ll be happy for you” he raised an eyebrow, demonstrating that he meant it.

“Even though it’s far away from you?” you asked nervously and Mason instantly picked up on what you were thinking.

“Y/N, look at me” he asked you, only speaking again when your eyes were locked on his. “I lived four months of my life away from you and the worst wasn’t being away from you. It was knowing why we were far away from each other. As long as you’re mine, distance it’s just a detail”

You squeezed his hand over the table, trying to bite a smile. After dinner and a few conversations about everything and anything in particular, Mason paid the bill and asked you to take you home.

“Do you mean, to my hotel room?” you giggled, hugging his arm.

The walk back was light and you felt your chest warm, the happiness of having Mason back — but more important, the happiness of seeing that Mason also got his true self back, overwhelming you.

When the pair of you stopped in front of the hotel, you hugged Mason’s waist.

“Thank you. It was really nice”

“It was nice to me too” he kissed your forehead, smiling bigger when you raised your face to look him in the eyes. After a few seconds staring into them, Mason brushed his nose against yours. “Kissing on a first date it’s acceptable for you? I miss your kisses”

“You’re making things difficult for me, you know? I’m trying to make you wait” you giggled, your smile so wide it was hurting your cheeks.

“I don’t wanna wait” he whined before kissing your jaw. “But, I know I deserve to wait. So I see ya next week?”

“Wait” you pushed his jacket when he started to distance from your body, bringing him closer. “I kinda had a rough time before our date. Would you mind-”

“You’re inviting me over on our first date?” Mason teased, his hand now stroking your jaw.

“Mase” you groaned, making him giggle.

“Cuddles and ice cream?” he murmured, stroking your cheek and your eyes watered a bit to the fact he still knows what you like to do when you’re slightly upset.

“And you’ll have to watch This Is Us”

“Oh no” he groaned playfully, as if he wasn’t dying to have this exact type of night with you. “You can’t tell anyone if I cry”

“Deal” you smiled, guiding him to your room.

Of course he ordered a few ice cream flavours, not letting you pay for any, and tucked himself in bed with you, trying to find a comfortable and respectful position.

You’ve always loved being in Mason’s arms and he never failed to make you feel secure whilst he was holding you, and soon the pair of you were practically sleeping.

So after countless episodes and a sleepy Mason you turned off the television and searched for a more comfortable position, laying your head on his shoulder and crossing his body with your upper leg.

At that moment, it felt like nothing ever happened. That you were still the sweet couple that moved to Manchester chasing his dreams.

But something did happened, and the memory brought tears to your eyes. Since that day you’ve never cried to Mason anymore, and you miss the way he used to comfort you and tell you things would be fine. It was your safe space to show emotions, and now you’re slightly afraid of crying in his arms again.

“I’m so sorry” Mason whispered, anticipating what you were feeling and breaking the silence. When you started crying he kissed your head, hugging you tight.

Seeing you cry was always the hardest for him, and knowing damn well it was his fault only made it worse.

“I’m sorry too, for not being there for you. I’ve been thinking about it since Portsmouth and fuck, I feel so stupid. How the fuck I didn’t noticed” you tried to speak, choking on your words.

“No” he kissed your forehead one more time. “Absolutely not, this is not your fault. I was dumb, I didn’t ask for help, I pushed you away when all you did was love me. You shouldn’t feel guilty about how I dealt with it”

“How are you feeling now?” you murmured, running your fingers through his chest and trying to make the tears stop from falling. “You can be honest with me, you know”

Mason caressed your lower back, sighing and thinking for a moment.

“Happy, honestly. I’m happy, Y/N. I know I’ve fucked up with you and that we’re only here right now because you have the most generous heart, but I’m so happy that I’m here. I’m happy about the treatment, I’m happy at the club, and even though I don’t know how our future will be and if you’ll ever gonna be mine again, I’m happy that I got to hold you tonight”

“I’m not gonna lie to you, what happened hurt me a lot. But I’m also pretty good at understanding the other side, and I understand yours. I understand how scared you must’ve felt, how lost and confused” you kissed his chest over the fabric of his shirt. “There wasn’t a single day that I didn’t miss being your girl”

“I don’t wanna hurt you ever again”

“But you will. And I bet I’ll hurt you sometimes. Relationships are like this, baby, but as long as we didn’t mean it then we can always talk about it and get back on track”

“So this means we’re back?” Mason whispered, afraid he got it wrong and you were about to say no.

“If I say yes now then I’m really bad at making you wait” you giggled, kissing his shoulder. “Maybe in two more dates?”

Mason nodded, snuggling further into you.

“I missed this so much” he murmured, holding you so tight it was almost like you were the same person.

“Snuggling?” you changed your positions so he could lay on top of you and scratched his hair.

“Yes” he nodded again. “And you calling me baby”

You laughed, kissing the tip of his nose.

“I never wanted to stop, you know”

“I know. You’ll never have to stop ever again” he reassured you, his fingers stroking your waist.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I’ll be your baby forever” he kissed your neck, squeezing your body tighter and pulling his face away so he could look in your eyes. “But I said what I said, you deserve better”

You sighed, not wanting to debate this again

“Mase, don’t-”

“Shhh” he silenced you with a peck on your lips, making you smile. “So I’ll be better for you”

You stared at him for a few seconds, observing the silly smile he was giving you after stealing a kiss, the way his eyes were burning your skin and how closer to you he got by every second.

“I guess maybe that kiss doesn’t have to wait two more dates” you murmured, feeling genuinely happy when he instantly kissed you properly for the first time in so long.

#this THISSSS is the angst that I love #the one that breaks my heart #into a million pieces 😭#fic rec!!!!!!

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