naipnai

[naipnai]

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. I just needed a place to free flow my thoughts. So don’t mind me.

I’ve been thinking for a while about breaking up with my boyfriend. He’s sweet, funny, I love him. 

Our main issue is that, he has a hard time making time for me. As he says “I’m still learning how to be a dad and a boyfriend at the same time.” Granted I have given him benefit of the doubt, we did start dating when COVID hit Guam and the lockdown happened. However, as restrictions eased up and both our families received the vaccine, why isn’t he asking to see me?

Does he not want to see me? I feel like on average we’ve only seen each other once a month. Is that sufficient enough for him? 

I had/have really bad anxiety. He knows that. He’s been really patient and understanding about it. I’ve worked really hard to fight those intrusive thoughts because he never gave me a reason that he would leave me. Now, it’s different. 

He says he feels guilty and that I deserve more time but that’s usually where he ends that conversation. There’s no follow through. We’ve barely talked on the phone. Our messages are getting less and less. I feel like the only time we see each other is out of obligation and sex.  

I always have to ask to see him. I don’t even remember the last time he asked if we could hang out and see each other. 

I’m trying really hard to keep it together, make it easier for him. I would never ask him to pick between me and his son. One that would be stupid and selfish of me and two I know he would always pick him. I don’t wanna be that person his son hates because she took dada away. I’ve tried thinking of things we can do together, the three of us but I’m starting to think my boyfriend doesn’t want that. 

We’ve talked about getting married and having a family and not once have I disregarded his son. I always made sure he was included into our plans. 

I just don’t know what to do.

#Thoughts #personal

[naipnai]

[naipnai]

the sun and her flowers

[naipnai]

Concept: You walk outside one night and notice that there are two full moons. A few hours go by and they don’t seem to move.

You stare up at them.

They blink.

[naipnai]

[naipnai]

Charles Dance fanboying about Dame Judi Dench and Dame Maggie Smith

[naipnai]

I’m in love with you Lara Jean. Only you.                        “Peter will love Lara Jean with all his heart, always.”

[naipnai]

Star gazing and rough sex?

[naipnai]

Lara Jean and Peter starting their fake vs real relationships

[naipnai]

abs are cancelled. we all about soft tummies now

[naipnai]

me: I don’t need a MAN

my sex drive:

[naipnai]

“I enjoy controlled loneliness. I like wandering around the city alone. I’m not afraid of coming back to an empty flat and lying down in an empty bed. I’m afraid of having no one to miss, of having no one to love.”

—

Kuba Wojewódzki 

(via purplebuddhaquotes)

[naipnai]

of course i have a lot of pent-up rage you fool i’ve been the same height since i was 12

[naipnai]

fuck..

[naipnai]

[naipnai]

I have to do better, think better, be better

[naipnai]

Fact: nothing smells as good as the person you love