nejjeeoo

[nejjeeoo]

It was good for a while, being empty. I didn’t hurt anymore. But as time went on, it was like I could hear myself from far away, begging for permission to come back.

Myra McEntire

[nejjeeoo]

Damn sperm

Hi T, I tend to overshare and I hate myself everytime I do shit like that, it’s just like I was desperate to be heard.

It’s sad. But I know the reason why I was like that. It’s because I was neglected to be heard whenever I am trying to mumble and voice out. My feelings were invalidated so much it fucking hurts and it affected my way of thinking and perceiving things. 

Lol, thousands of sperm why I was the one who won the race, that’s where I knew I am going to be screwed perhaps for the rest of my life. *bitter smile* 

[nejjeeoo]

bc i love tsukki 

#haikyuu!! #tsukishima #karasuno #imnotokay #life is not daijoubu #fuckmylife

[nejjeeoo]

Did you know?

A lot of things have changed. 

I will not delete the previous blogs I have written here years ago no matter how immature I was those years. To be honest, I was so ashamed of my character back then, I kept on denying it but I was a hypocrite. I was in the middle of rebelling, insensitive to what others might feel, if they would have known I was talking and thinking ill of them I will be doomed. God, I regret making a friend cry. I have hated myself for years until now because of my impulsive actions. 

The other night as I was re-reading what my thoughts were before, I could not help but to see a progress on my character development. 

So here I am, offering my sincerest apologies to those people whom I have inflicted physical, emotional, and mental pain. Because I am aging, I am now facing adulthood and I don’t want to brought this heaviness of guilt, anguish, pity, and hating myself just because I caused someone wrong in the past. I hate how the other part of my teenage years ruined because of my environment. Perhaps, you would not understand me if I will tell you I hate my parents.  

Anyhow, I am currently in my 2nd year of taking up Psychology and I got to understand myself more and the people, why they do things and why they think like that. I just have this fascination of observing people yet so anxious of initiating a conversation. I love studying it, but somehow, I sometimes feel like I was suffocated... of everything. Studying was one of the activities I am fond of but now i don’t know. This pandemic just take a large toll on my mental health. I was like this woman who just wake up in the morning, sit in front of her study then do things merely for the sake of passing and not learning. 

Where did my motivation go? Where is my inspiration? None. Before, my parents were the one that drives me. Now I totally got nothing, I only have myself. I needed to make a way to leave on this hell, I am suffocated, I am caged, I just need a breather. Dude, I am 19 yet they treat me like I am a fucking baby. I just wanted my life spent well before I die tomorrow. Or maybe next week? Next month? Next year? Who knows. 

[nejjeeoo]

a lot like love 

[nejjeeoo]

Blog post #56

I would rather live alone. 

This is the song that’s currently playing on my Spotify right now by IVOS. I cannot remember when was my last post here, perhaps 2 years ago? Or maybe, 4 years ago? I am not sure. I only remembered that I was busy dealing with everything that’s been happening on my life. The changes. The regrets. The self-pity’s. The unheard silent cries. The temporary happiness. Celebrations, reminisces, and nostalgia. 

I know myself I’ve changed a lot. 

[nejjeeoo]

The mind is beautiful because of the paradox. It uses itself to understand itself.

Adam Elenbaas  (via quotemadness)

[nejjeeoo]

“I’m almost never serious, and I’m always too serious. Too deep, too shallow. Too sensitive, too cold hearted. I’m like a collection of paradoxes.”

— Ferdinand de Saussure (via quotemadness)

[nejjeeoo]

Jingle :p

Hey guys! It's been a while hahaha as if someone will read this lol. I just want to share my own made lyrics because me with my groupmates sang it in front of the class. By the way, it's all about drug abuse okay?

So here it goes,

It is in the tune of Di Na Muli by Itchyworms

Hey kid, what are you doing with your life?

How can you do such a bad thing?

Oh, this won't make you a king

*note: chorus will soon follow

Can you please just make it stop so you won't get addicted?

There's a lot of way to face this mess without addiction

Can you please just make it stop so you won't get addicted?

There's a lot of way to face this mess without addiction.

What did you do?

How do you do?

--

Another one was in the tune of Sa Ngalan Ng Pag-ibig by December Avenue

*only chorus*

The wrong is, this drugs will make everyone suffer

I don't know why we used it to forget the world

I hope you find a way to make yourself happy

Coz it will savebyou from the endless misery

--

Last is from Nobela by Join The Club

How can you smile if you're not that really happy

Having drugs will stop your world

If you want to reduce the said addiction

Please just find a way to live

That's all! Hindi halata na fan ako masyado ng OPM guys 'no? Hahaha OPM IS NOT DEAD PEOPLE!! WAKE UP WAKE UP!!

[nejjeeoo]

Blog post #55

Blog post #55 - School's Coming

Hi there again! It's sooo long since the last time I wrote here, and I am so sorry if my laziness prevents me from writing to you. A lot happened when i stepped on 11th grade. Competitions. Dramas. Friendships and many more. That year, I was really motivated and didn't even noticed the fast pace of Earth's movement haha.

People are really unpredictable so am I. Sometimes, I thought myself a hypocrite too because I also did some things they do. But I really am trying to improve.

Now, I don't know anymore. Expectations and pressure are there, I wish I pretended dumb from the very beginning so that I wasn't feeling all of these crap. School wasn't learning anymore, it's all about passing, scores, requirements and such. There were times that it's fun but when you start moving your feet outside, there's really more into it that students must learn.

School's coming again, and next year i'm looking forward for new faces and perhaps, a place I can finally call a second home.

[nejjeeoo]

“Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things.”

— Keanu Reeves

[nejjeeoo]

Blog post #54

Blog post #54

Seven days

Yes! You read it right, I am going to celebrate my friggin' birthday on October 29th folks. First of all, thanks to Him that I'm still kickin and alive, and yeah living on this kind of life was just like I am on a rollercoaster. So damn exciting and somehow challenging, I can say that there were struggles and moments that I will never forget, especially when it gave you a big A VERY ENORMOUS LESSON rather. Second, I want to thank my fam. For being cool and hotheaded sometimes? *shakes head* Not everyone was perfect. No more drama and long msgs iloveyall. Third, I love my fab and unique gals, just don't puke at my bday party aye? Ain't cleanin u all hahahahah clean my house btches. Lastly, I want to make myself uhh change? Plz no more naive attitude and dramatic stuffs. Learn to love ourselves first : )

Folks, spicy 16 is unique. Very. I love the emo alternative pop punk me so see ya all on my crib! Babheey 💓

[nejjeeoo]

Blog post #53

Blog post #53 - S Letters

I had a received a few letters from a closest friend or should I say bestfriend before? Yep, that was before. 

I will just call her S here. She’s a shy-type kind of girl, and often bratty. She also got a problem with her family especially on her mom, that’s why she have that kind of attitude but nevertheless, I made her happy and accept her bratty attitude a bit. 

We were in fifth grade when we became officially classmates because on kinder we were just schoolmates - same school, but different in schedule. 

S and I had a lot of similarities. We love cute things tho, I always there for her plus our houses is just a walking distance. So as a result, I am always there for her even we’re not in school, in short weekends. We were already like a real sisters! kpop, animes, oppa’s and etc. 

We remained like that until on eighth grade. You all know that there was no a perfect relationship. We fought on childish things but on the latter part we still keep our secrets we had shared together. 

While she shared her problems on me, I do not share mine. I don’t know, but I have this trait in me that I don’t want her to also involve on my prob because she had enough and I just keep it all by myself because that’s the right thing I know.

I don’t want to prolong this. For you S, I’m really sorry that the friendship we had before are no longer there. I really missed your childishness, damn I really do. But, I don’t think we can still back the old times because we already have our own closest friend now. 

I am the major problem on our friendship, I just think about myself. I kept my problems to myself and hope that I can resolve it own by my self without your help. I leave you behind, and just throw our friendship for almost 7 years? 

Lol, we’re still friends but not that close anymore like the old times. I kept my distance on you and somehow, I regret it. 

You’re still my original twin. 

P.S

I missed your letters on me, and while I read it a while ago. I almost burst into tears. 

Thank you so much for laughing heartily on my jokes, and for cheering me up when I’m down. I love you hime-chan. 

[nejjeeoo]

Blog post #52

Blog post #52 - She’s afraid no, she’s scared -- terribly scared.

Too scared to see the future. Too fucked up. 

That’s how I describe my life today, that even if I show to everyone that I am a lifeless bitch and brave bad ass girl I just can’t brushed away the freaking negative thoughts that I have every night. 

Every night I crawl to my bed like a freaking fetus, run scenarios on my head then suddenly began to cry. I want to freaking shout, and sob but i cannot do it when my siblings and parents are sleeping soundly. I was, still and will be damn scared on future. 

I should be excited about it but nah it’s the opposite because as I am growing, the responsibilities I am obliged to do is becoming bigger, it’s scaring the hell out of me. Without my parents, without their guide. 

But hell I won’t surrender, it’s for my future. My decisions will define my future. Me, myself, will not give up.

I can do it! Aja! 

[nejjeeoo]

Nado saranghae

nareul

[nejjeeoo]

Blog post #51

Blog post #51 - Plain everyday! I woke up between 9-10 am in the morning, wash my face in the bathroom. Next, I'll go downstairs, ponder and after a few minutes I'll make my coffee - creamy latte and find some bread/pandesal to eat. It is the usual routine that I am used to everyday, very plain and boring. It's like I only wake up in the morning just to eat. You will usually find me in the corners of the house, reading Wattpad stories - stories about detectives, deciphering codes, Sherlock Holmes sometimes romance, don't forget about action-romcom too! I am contented of what I'm doing everyday because it makes me happy. Reading for me is escaping on reality and of course learning new fun things. Plain living everyday don't care. As long as, I'm alive and kicking then there's no prob. Stay rock! ✊

[nejjeeoo]

Blog post #50

Blog post #50 - 50th post How many months had passed 'di na ako nakapagsulat dito. Ang dami kasing nangyari sa loob ng ilang buwan. Isa na roon yung paghihiwalay namin ni C. The other one was my parents, I disappoint them again for the third... fourth or how many times. Sobrang sakit pala na madisappoint mo sila, na kahit di ka naman nabuntis or what masakit pa rin. Buti nga naturuan ako ng leksyon ng erpats ko ayun, naalog yung ulo natauhan. But I have another problem right now. Mali ang way ng pakikipaghiwalay ko sa kanya, I deactivated all of my social media accounts before but before deactivating I blocked him. Yes, that's the way I believed I'm right pero ako tong tatanga tanga nanaman. Ni walang explanation kung bakit ganoon. But I already explained it to him kaso hindi sa personal, hindi ko kasi kaya yun. A guy crying in front of me? No. I couldn't take that. I really hate myself now. Because of my stupidity and impulsive decisions hindi sana mangyayari lahat ng to. Kung hindi kaagad ako nakipagrelasyon sa edad kong to wala sana ako masasaktang tao. But I already did, all I can do is to freakin regret all of my decisions but a one thing is for sure, hindi ako nagsisisi na may mga natutunan ako rito dunno what the right term to say it. Katanghan ba? Hmm.. I admit I am being immature, iniisip ko lang puro pasarap sa relasyon namin noon. Siguro ng kung hindi ako nagkaroon ng self control mapapahamak ako e. Tanga tanga kasi, being a teenager is really troublesome. Lahat ng mga bagay na puro pasarap inaasam ko, sobrang shunga lang. Nakipagrelasyon ako na hindi ako sigurado kaya siguro sa ilang buwang pinagsamahan namin imbis na magmukmok ako kasi wala na kami e parang nabunutan pa ako ng tinik sa dibdib. Now, haharapin ko nanaman siya. I hope that I have this courage in me na makausap siya and to clear things out. Kahit wala nang closure, I just want to destroy the bad things in him na mga iniisip niya. Ako naman kasi ang may kasalanan kaya aayusin ko at tatapusin ko yung sinimulan ko.