nervouswaltz

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sorry if awolspaceman booped you like two hundred times that was me . :3

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¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#jus sayin #Spotify

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say that shit

#👍 #yep

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if all youre getting out of caiti's new stream is that she's "changing the story" and "exaggerating" details or overreacting you need to shut the fuck up and get your head out of your ass because you are missing the fucking point.

#still assembling my thoughts but this is relevant as hell.

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still figurin out everything i want to say but i think theres an important distinction between saying "people who hurt other people should be held accountable for their actions because that is the only way they are going to concretely change" and "if someone does something bad they are Bad Forever and i Hate Them and Everything They Do and i Hope They Rot." like. you see the difference right.

#CAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE SOME PEOPLE DO FUCKING NOT! #and like. listen. i would be a bitchass hypocrite if i didnt think people could grow and change #i have fucked up and hurt PLENTY of people in my life. and i was held accountable for it. and im a better person now #but like. sorry! holding someone accountable for hurting another person is Messy and Uncomfortable and Feels Shitty. #and i think ignoring that in favor of pretending like nothing is wrong just perpetuates the environment that caused this shit to happen.

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these past few days i've been seeing really weird rethorics that i think should be cleared up (note: this does not reflect my feelings towards the reality of caiti and george's situation, i'm strictly speaking about the debates that have arisen as a consequence of it)

- "the friends are responsible for it" wrong. in this case, the friends are shitty. they're neglective and they worked a girl into a panic over their preconceived mistrust towards the dteam. caiti is not "the baby of the group". she does not share a considerable age difference with the rest of her group. this was a group of equals partying together, where no one was expected to hold more responsability than the rest. thinking something is "weird" doesn't necessarily equal something feels "off". just because my friends think it's weird that i was hooking up with people significantly older than me doesn't mean the situation felt "off".

it's unfair to expect someone to esentially play babysitter - if it hasn't been previously discussed, and especially when all of you are drunk, and roughly the same age. take care of your friends, always, and keep general tabs on what they're doing, who they're with, and most importantly, where they're going. but to expect to keep such an scrutizing and detailed eye on an equal that has the right to have fun as much as you is unfair and unrealistic. when someone's reaction to something unpleasant is having "no reaction", it's not out of the world to miss it. if you find yourself in a situation where you're the friend, don't berate yourself for missing it. sometimes there's no way of catching it until something has happened, and it doesn't mean you have to live the rest of your days keeping your friend in a tight leash.

sometimes these things happen - every day we stay alive, we take risks. humanity struggles with understanding why some things happen "just because", and we are always ready to conjure a "cause" that will ease our fear of uncertainity. there's ways to minimalize those risks, yes, but life like that would esentially look like living in a bubble - and even then, there's just some things you will never be able to avoid.

- "it's not victim blaming, it's victim accountability" that's not a thing in this context. straight up. victim accountability definitely exists, just not in this case. using the term "victim accountability" in the context of avoiding one-off tragedies that have one active perpetrator (ex. a robbery, sexual assault) as opposed to a tragedy that is considered an accident (ex. a fire, a car crash; in both cases we can all agree there is no actual intent behind the situation) is tracherous and a veil term to soften the blow of calling it victim blaming.

we have to draw a bold line between "should not have left the stove on" to prevent a fire <- fire is not a sentient beinig that has the conscience of wanting to start a fire. fire is not at blame because it doesn't feel blame // "should not have drunk before driving" <- the road you drive on isn't sentient. it can't push you off the road intentionally. if you crash into another car, the person behind the wheel is definitely sentient, but definitely not at blame, since they did not want to crash into someone (in the situation where you did not crash into someone with the intent of crashing into someone else) and "should have known wearing a skirt that short would increase the chances of someone else doing something bad to you" <- your behavior should not be linked to someone else's misbehavior.

it is not your responsability to measure your behavior to appease to someone's misbehavior. whilst they're still steps you can take to minimize the risk of something happening, someone else's actions will never be your responsability, not even partly. you are not responsible for someon'e elses misconduct. those who have the capacity to misconduct (the intent, the lack of social conscience, etc.), will do it -if not to you, to someone else.

someone else's behavior will never be anyone else's responsability but their own. you may play a part in it, as everyone acts as a reaction to their context (in which everyone is included) but it will never be your responsability. and i need everyone, especially young kids, to understand that.

#v v v eloquent ro i think it needs to be said as well

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sorry to talk about this again, i'm tired of it too. i'm just... i'm continuously shocked by the ways in which people in this fandom will victim blame without even realizing they're doing it, or maybe they just don't care? i don't know. it just blows my mind to see so many people saying things like "caiti would have just said no or gotten up if she didn't like how george was touching her" or "george said she seemed fine in the moment" without an ounce of self-awareness behind those words. every time i've been sexually hurt in my life, i seemed fine in the moment and didn't say no or get up. i froze and waited for it to be over, laughing off any awkward energy that came from my body going completely stiff with anxiety and panic. with your logic, i either wasn't really hurt or secretly liked it. fandom discourse aside, it's truly unbelievable scrolling my tumblr dash and twitter timeline only to see people i used to hold in high regard speaking so distastefully. how have we regressed to this shit again?

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🐌 i saw you said you’re exhausted so I sent you my support snail Nigel to your inbox just to cheer you up a bit and wish you a good day♥️

holy fug thank u i love him :] not so much mentally exhausted i just had my annual physical today so i got blood drawn and also a flu shot and it is 1:20 in the morning so i’m SLEEPY. but thank u for nigel regardless i care him so much :3

#and i hope u have a good day too nonnie!!! #anon

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Really wish I'd reread all my bookmarked fics before I found this out bc there were some masterpieces in there and I dont think I'll ever be able to bring myself to read them again. My brain just wouldn't be able to let go of reality enough

first off i wanna say that i am not rlly opening up discussion on dis blog (or my main for that matter) like i will say what i wanna say when i’m ready n like. my inbox rlly ain’t the one to process emotions in atm (once i post my thoughts that will change i’ll be cool with chatting for a bit) but. listen. don’t write off the entire future based on a current feeling. like. i have no clue what the future holds for my writing/reading and honestly? i’m cool with that. i’m chillin. i’m sorry that things feel tainted rn, but pushing yourself to extreme modes of thinking in Any direction will never be healthy. sure, opening ao3 rn feels like a punch to my gut and so i’m not doing that, but time will pass and my feelings will settle. and hey, you might be right, and you’ll always feel like you can’t read them. you might be wrong, though. and a lot of the stories will be there, regardless of how you feel. so. let the future come to you. don’t race to it

#anon #sorry it’s late i’m exhausted this got way more philosophical than intended

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puppy want a treat?

puppy want a fucking break from it all

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thank you so much for all the fun times and fanfic while you were here 🫶🫶

thank u for being here and for reading it ^_^ i’ll make some longer heartfelt post in a few days when the dust has settled further but in no uncertain terms this fandom has changed my life and i am forever grateful :]

#anon

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Hi my bird

koji my kojington hi i love u :3

#hi koji

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oh bird i know we haven't spoken a lot but i am just sending you a hug anyway

charley <33 i tend to be pretty quiet on main abt stuff like this because i am a complete essay andy and i was here through october 2022 when. it was kneejerk essays left and right that were almost forceful in their beliefs, like if you even moderately disagreed with their vitriol you were entirely morally bankrupt and it put a really sour taste in my mouth + was a Very good learning moment of “i need to process things in private + wait to form my final opinion until all facts have been shared” so i’ve just been. tapped out. which has been better. for me. tho i do have several .txt docs on my computer that i’m wordvomiting into

we haven’t spoken a lot but i have ALWAYS admired your critical thinking and levelheadedness. u often do a really important thing which is not just sharing your opinion but sharing where you believe it comes from and why that matters, which i think is a step most people miss in the frenzy of making statements of their own feelings and experiences. will always enjoy seeing u around and can’t wait to see where your beautiful beautiful art goes and takes you <333 big hugs!!!!!

#hi charley

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essentially the main reason i'm moving on from being a fan of the dream team is because they are dangerously stupid regarding very important issues and have chosen time and time again to simply remain dangerously stupid, rather than taking the time to introspect so that they can learn and grow as people.

making mistakes, suffering consequences, and working on yourself so that you can try not to make those mistakes again, is a standard part of the human experience. but celebrity removes a person from their own humanity a bit, since they are treated both as someone who is on a higher tier of human (to be idolized and worshipped by fans) and on a lower tier of human (to perform on demand for fans). i can imagine that kind of experience would feel like being under a microscope; this could either make a person hide everything about themself so that no flaws can be seen, or show everything all the time in an attempt to get approval and validation even in the things fans would normally have no idea about in the first place. throw haters and anti-fans and stalkers into the mix, and everything gets even more complicated and layered in undoubtedly miserable ways.

i understand the dream team deeply from a fan's perspective and truly cannot blame them for the way they conduct themselves publicly and in interactions with their fans. i understand them and empathize with them and continue to hope that they have friends around them who genuinely want to see them grow as people and succeed. i understand them so i'm not really angry, just sad and disappointed. these guys have the potential to be truly wonderful, and it makes me sad to see that potential wasted over and over again. but potential doesn't just disappear, so i know they're still capable and i truly hope they allow themselves to go for it someday. i just don't want to wait for it anymore!

#still putting my thoughts together but i 100% agree #especially the belief that i think they can grow and change but i’m not going to stick around waiting for it #eloquent as always charley i love reading ur perspectives on things

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DONT STOP THE (DRUNZ IS OVER) PARTY

#AND WHEN WE WENT OUT IT WAS WITJ A BANG!!!!!

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btw i hope you know if you just followed me if this blog was a star it is swelling into a red giant right now. we will be going lights out shortly no matter how messy and insane all of this is i am going onto brighter less miserable things in the future 👍

#not deleting anything i believe in the archives and if that changes you’ll get fair warning but. #i am Not back i am simply jaw dropped at how all of this ends.

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listen i wasn’t alive before the turn of the millennia but i can imagine the past few days have kind of been like the cuban missile crisis