nico-idc

[nico-idc]

While I dont have religious trauma, I do have a complicated relationship with the Christian God, Christianity, and religion in general. This makes certain acts that one would consider a "normal" part of religion, even norse paganism, very difficult and uncomfortable (this is primarily the idea of prayer for me). I found that in my practice, Loki is very accepting of this struggle, and accepts my worship/honoring/practice as I can best do it, which is often somewhat unorthodox.

While this is a slightly different situation than yours anon, and obviously i do personally believe in the existence of the gods (though i have my doubts at times as well) but I feel they are in the same vein. So I think that if you wish to practice, that it is absolutely ok if you do not 100% believe in the gods.

I hope this maybe helps!

hi! This is sort of a weird ask, and I get it if you can’t/don’t want to answer, but:

ive been drawn towards Norse polytheism for a while now, but up until recently I just read the eddas and called myself a fan. But a little bit ago something? Clicked? And now I’m having this mini internal battle of wanting to become lokean and also the problem that because of past religious trauma (thank you, Catholic Church!) I am unable to fully believe in the presence/existence of any deity. It’s hard for me to, if I get past that, trust them, as well. And so I ask you this: in your opinion, can I still practice Norse paganism even though a part of myself doesn’t believe? I know that it’s a personal thing, and that it’s really up to me, but do you think it’s still valid, even though I’m still in doubt of the gods’ existence?

I do feel a connection with Loki, and part of me wants to believe. But I don’t know it I can.

-a conflicted anon

Hi Nonny,

The only active mod has been on hiatus for personal reasons, but since you've sent this a couple times now and apparently haven't been able to find other community in the interim, I'll throw out a quick response. Again, I would urge you to find other folks to bounce this stuff off of, both because there are people out there with way more spoons than me atm and because lots of varied perspectives are good. Pagans are, for the most part, very anti-proselytization and would not try to pressure you into a path you weren't sure about, and Norse paganism doesn't have the equivalent of Christian hell in the sense that you don't get eternally punished for believing the wrong thing.

So, on that note, Norse paganism focuses way more on action than belief. I know multiple Heathens who identify as atheistic, and I deeply respect them and their contributions. I see myself as agnostic, personally. I worship regularly, even though the blog is quiet, but I can't know and don't much care if these gods exist outside of human imagination.

For me, it's not about being right about metaphysical things that can never be empirically proven. It's a framework for finding meaning. It's a framework to establish personal ethics for interacting with others and stewarding the planet we live on. It's an outlet to express joy and awe at what life has to offer. It's a way to find like-minded people. Maybe the gods are out there, maybe they're just an extension of us, but regardless, all of the above has a real, material impact on the world in the way we live our lives.

If you can believe in that, then that's justification enough to explore it. If it's not for you, you can always stop. I hope you find contentment on your journey, wherever it may lead.

-Mod E

[nico-idc]

happy Thursday the 20th

[nico-idc]

happy Thursday the 20th

[nico-idc]

This has been in my queue since January 5th, 2022

[nico-idc]

[nico-idc]

happy Thursday the 20th

[nico-idc]

on this day one year ago someone sewed a fried egg to a tshirt

[nico-idc]

I’ve been waiting a year to post this

[nico-idc]

You're Always There

You're always there

Always in my mind

Always right next to me

You're there

When I eat breakfast

You're sitting with my friends

You're there

When I eat lunch

And my table is finally full

You're there

When I walk through the halls

Your green jacket like a neon sign at midnight

You're there

When I walk into math class

Sitting across the room

You're always there

Always in my mind

Always right next to me

You're there

When I'm listening to my favorite songs

When I'm singing my heart out

You're there

When I'm watching YouTube

Or my favorite streamers

You're there

Whenever I'm pushing myself in school

When I'm basing too much around that 4

You're there

When someone says they want to get me a gift

When I worry it'll never come

You're there

Whenever I'm afraid to turn off my phone

"What if they need me?"

You're there

When my eyes are heavy, but I won't go to sleep

"What if I miss their text"

You're there

When someone raises their hand too fast

Or when he puts his arm around me

You're there

When people are getting loud

When I can't hear myself over the yelling

You're there

When I flinch

Or when I freeze

You're always there

Always in my mind

Always right next to me

You're there

Everywhere I go

No matter what I do

You're there

When I just want to enjoy myself

I hear your judgement

You're there

Every time a break up song comes on

I see you in my mind

You're there

Everytime I play minecraft

I hear your taunts

You're there

Everytime I struggle

Your laughter rings clear in my mind

You're always there

Always in my mind

Always right next to me

You're there

I just want you gone

I want to forget you

You're there

And I panic

Thinking you're gonna do it again

You're there

And im waiting

For your temper to blow

You're not there

Only in my mind

Not really next to me

You're not there

But I still flinch

When someone raises their hand

You're not there

But I still freeze

When he tries to hug me

You're not there

But I still choose my words

Careful not to talk about my interests

You're not there

But I still doubt

When someone says they'll give me something

You're not there

But I still can't put my phone on silent

Because I have to be there

You're not there

But I still can't go to bed early

Becuase I have to be ready

You're not there

But I still get ready to step in

When they all start yelling

You're not there

But you're still in my mind

I still feel you right next to me

Starting a thread of poems that I write about my ex-boyfriend becuase he fucked me up. Starting with this one:

I Loved You But You Lied

I loved you

You said you loved me

But you lied

I loved you

So I looked past it

When you mocked my interests

I loved you

So I believed it

When you said you bought me things

I loved you

So I never doubted it

That you were 16, had a car, a good job

I loved you

So I ignored it

Your drinking

I loved you

So I stayed up

I talked you down from the edge

I loved you

So I left my phone on

I made sure I'd hear your cries for help

I loved you

So I lost sleep

I stayed on call with you

I loved you

So I let you trick me

Into thinking I was wrong for wanting sleep

I loved you

So i pretended you were different

That you changed, that you wanted to

I loved you

So I acted like it was normal

Your temper

I loved you

So I fought the fear

The fear that you'd take what you wanted

I loved you

So I let you push me around

Grab me, choke me, make me panic

I loved you

So I laughed along with you

When I was scared of you

I loved you

So I pretended it wasnt bad

The violence, the fighting, the lack of control

I loved you

So I forgot it

You pinning me to a chair

I loved you

So I pushed the thought away

The thought that you were gonna rape me then and there

I loved you

So I locked it away

How you needed violence to stop

I loved you

So I pretended I didn't see it

How you couldn't understand no

I loved you

So I stood by your side

When everyone was against you

I loved you

So I let you hurt my friends

I let you disrespect their boundaries

I loved you

So I ignored them

Everyone saying you assaulted her

I loved you

So I believed you

Instead of the people who loved me

I loved you

So I defended you

I told them all to back off

I loved you

But I had my doubts

So I talked to her

I loved you

But she wasn't lying

You assaulted her

I loved you

You said you loved me

But you lied

You lied

So now I dont fear

The judgement of my interests

You lied

So I'm not waiting

For gifts I knew I'd never get

You lied

So I look at it

Your lies, about your age, your car, your job

You lied

So I see it

The alcoholism

You lied

So I still stay up

Terrified that i might lose someone else

You lied

So I still keep my phone on

Ready to answer anyone's cries

You lied

So I still lose sleep

To stay on call with people I love

You lied

So I still feel bad

For just wanting a basic fucking need

You lied

So I realize

You never changed, You never wanted to

You lied

So I'm not acting like it was normal

The temper you always had

You lied

So I talk about the fear

How I thought you'd take whatever you wanted

You lied

So I still flinch

When someone raises their hand, or touches my neck

You lied

So I keep laughing

To make the panic less real

You lied

So I dont pretend it wasn't bad

The constant violence and fighting

You lied

So I remember it

Being pinned to that chair

You lied

So i let the thought in

That you were gonna rape me then and there

You lied

So I leave it unlocked

You needing violence to stop

You lied

So I see it

How you don't understand no

You lied

So they stand by my side

Against you

You lied

So I apologize

For looking the other way when you crossed their boundaries

You lied

So I listen to them

When they talk about how you assaulted them

You lied

So I dont believe you

I believe the people who love me

You lied

So I still want to defend you

Becuase I still feel like I was the problem

You lied

So my doubts were right

I shouldn't have had to talk to her

You lied

So I know they told the truth

You assaulted me

I no longer love you

Because you said you loved me

But you lied

#cussing tw #swearing tw #tw cussing #tw swearing #long post #tw sexual assault #tw assault #assault mention

[nico-idc]

Starting a thread of poems that I write about my ex-boyfriend becuase he fucked me up. Starting with this one:

I Loved You But You Lied

I loved you

You said you loved me

But you lied

I loved you

So I looked past it

When you mocked my interests

I loved you

So I believed it

When you said you bought me things

I loved you

So I never doubted it

That you were 16, had a car, a good job

I loved you

So I ignored it

Your drinking

I loved you

So I stayed up

I talked you down from the edge

I loved you

So I left my phone on

I made sure I'd hear your cries for help

I loved you

So I lost sleep

I stayed on call with you

I loved you

So I let you trick me

Into thinking I was wrong for wanting sleep

I loved you

So i pretended you were different

That you changed, that you wanted to

I loved you

So I acted like it was normal

Your temper

I loved you

So I fought the fear

The fear that you'd take what you wanted

I loved you

So I let you push me around

Grab me, choke me, make me panic

I loved you

So I laughed along with you

When I was scared of you

I loved you

So I pretended it wasnt bad

The violence, the fighting, the lack of control

I loved you

So I forgot it

You pinning me to a chair

I loved you

So I pushed the thought away

The thought that you were gonna rape me then and there

I loved you

So I locked it away

How you needed violence to stop

I loved you

So I pretended I didn't see it

How you couldn't understand no

I loved you

So I stood by your side

When everyone was against you

I loved you

So I let you hurt my friends

I let you disrespect their boundaries

I loved you

So I ignored them

Everyone saying you assaulted her

I loved you

So I believed you

Instead of the people who loved me

I loved you

So I defended you

I told them all to back off

I loved you

But I had my doubts

So I talked to her

I loved you

But she wasn't lying

You assaulted her

I loved you

You said you loved me

But you lied

You lied

So now I dont fear

The judgement of my interests

You lied

So I'm not waiting

For gifts I knew I'd never get

You lied

So I look at it

Your lies, about your age, your car, your job

You lied

So I see it

The alcoholism

You lied

So I still stay up

Terrified that i might lose someone else

You lied

So I still keep my phone on

Ready to answer anyone's cries

You lied

So I still lose sleep

To stay on call with people I love

You lied

So I still feel bad

For just wanting a basic fucking need

You lied

So I realize

You never changed, You never wanted to

You lied

So I'm not acting like it was normal

The temper you always had

You lied

So I talk about the fear

How I thought you'd take whatever you wanted

You lied

So I still flinch

When someone raises their hand, or touches my neck

You lied

So I keep laughing

To make the panic less real

You lied

So I dont pretend it wasn't bad

The constant violence and fighting

You lied

So I remember it

Being pinned to that chair

You lied

So i let the thought in

That you were gonna rape me then and there

You lied

So I leave it unlocked

You needing violence to stop

You lied

So I see it

How you don't understand no

You lied

So they stand by my side

Against you

You lied

So I apologize

For looking the other way when you crossed their boundaries

You lied

So I listen to them

When they talk about how you assaulted them

You lied

So I dont believe you

I believe the people who love me

You lied

So I still want to defend you

Becuase I still feel like I was the problem

You lied

So my doubts were right

I shouldn't have had to talk to her

You lied

So I know they told the truth

You assaulted me

I no longer love you

Because you said you loved me

But you lied

#cussing tw #swearing tw #tw cussing #tw swearing #long post

[nico-idc]

Reblogging this so I have it

When you learned of the god of war, you thought he’d be tall and muscular and angry. When you were about to meet him, you braced yourself for the worst.

You weren’t quite expecting the short, scrawny, shy kid you ended up getting instead.

[nico-idc]

happy Thursday the 20th

[nico-idc]

what a good day to remember that butch lesbians (ESPECIALLY trans, poc, and/or fat butch lesbians) aren’t fucking predatory 

[nico-idc]

[nico-idc]

I made this so now all y'all have to look at it.

[nico-idc]

and if you turn to ur left you’ll see the emos

[nico-idc]

Google always has the answers you need lol

Thanks Google.