oh-s-a-m-u

[oh-s-a-m-u]

rant about its just a burning memory

i just listened to its just a burning memory and i wondered how it came to be because it sounds so.. depressing? i couldnt even explain it. the feeling it brought to me was unexplainable, yet melancholic enough for me to want to find out more. It was scary, yet sad, but at the same time i just couldnt pin-point the feeling. Then, i found the album. i cant remember the exact name, all i know is that its something along the lines of "everything at the end of time" or "its jsut a burning memory", i cant remember. And that was what was so horrifying about it. i started listening to it, and as i did i read through the comments on this 6 hour long video, of so many different songs. So many comments said they listened to it all and it changed their view on life, or how 15 minutes in thye were crying. I thought they were just being dramatic, so while i listened in my dark little room, i read through the comments of this horrifying album. Most of the comments talked about their family members sufering from dementia, the way it just kept getting worse and its just so *sad* to read. I read, my eyes filling with horror at the stories i heard. And yet, now i cant even remember them. Which would be normal, of course, until you remember the album is about *dementia.* it makes me anxious, thinking how could i, a young fella, forget about something that made me cry so easily, filing it away somewhere in my mind where i couldnt reach.

The song was split into a lot of chapters, A1 being its jsut a burning memory, the next one being A2, then A3, A4, A5, A6, and then B1. All the songs were about 3-5 minutes long, and they were all named after dementia/alzheimers. A1 is the start of dementia, where you just have this bad feeling, gnawing at you, but its probably nothing, Just a burning memory. A2, mostly the same, but the feeling has faded a bit, so its calmer. But you still dont know whats happening. After a bit, i have personally listened until B6, so i dont know if its true, but at the later stages, close to the end, the music is so horrific but its just too *real.* I had listened to B6, and had started crying while reading, just the idea of dementia giving me goosebumps, making me shiver. It probably didnt help that i was alone, in my house, lights turned off completely, phone at 14%, slowly going down until it inevitably would turn off. I didnt have a charger available, (i did but in the dark and sobbing hysterically i couldnt see it-) so it just reminded me even more of dementia, of how the people who are close to the patient have to see the way their body remains fine, but their mind is decaying. Watching, listening, interacting, knowing that theyre gonna forget them inevitably. Are going to die. A slow, painful death, not even aware of it because they *wont even remember their name.*

My eyes are tearing up as i write this, but its just so agonizing i cant help it. The way music could give such drastic changes to peoples's *lives* had gotten me laughing, giggling, thinking thats impossible, until i listened to the album. Even after i turned off my phone, turned off the comments, sat there and tried to stop thinking about it, i couldnt. Because suddenly, all the little things i couldnt always remember were screaming at my mind, making me try to remember. 'What was my friends' dogs name?' 'I don't know.' 'I can't remember.' '*I CAN'T REMEMBER.*' 'Okay- okay, what about ah- shit, i dont know- the grandmothers name?' 'my mums name?!' 'her maiden name?' 'ANYTHING?!' I just tried so hard, but i still couldnt remember and it drove me insane. The fact that people with dementia had to suffer through this, but worse and unable to remember their way home, their closest friends name, their parents, children, *family, pets, work, even their life-* it just makes me sick.

And all this, after i listened to 15 minutes of a 6 hour album.

God save those who's friends, family, anyone they know is suffering from dementia. It's so horrific to think about, yet people live their everyday lives, complaining about an exam they didnt study for, being late to work, such small things.. when they could be forgetting their entire lives, their friends and family, pets and children- I sound like a broken record, repeating similar things so much, but its true, its real, and its horrifying.

Bless you.

#dementia #alzheimers #its just #a burning #memory #music #album #godbless