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just gonna start killing people i dont find funny

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You know the Grimm version of Snow White makes more sense than most versions if only because in that version Snow White was like 7 years old.

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I was meant to be a dude in the gender of 2005 jack black or Alex brightman. But I came out with genes for tits and it ruined my chance to be the fun party bard that’s just a guy. Wasted potential smdh

#why are you saying that like these men don't both have titties #Why are you giving on on the party bard dreams dude???

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I quite frankly hc that Frank Denouement’s middle name is Lee

#That is the sort of bullshit the series would pull. You're hired #asoue #a series of unfortunate events

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In his defense, the one time he did he got his brain stolen. I'd never let those things leave my person ever again.

it's a good job klaus baudelaire never lost his glasses at any point because the kids would be fucking screwed

#A Series of Unfortunate Events #ASoUE #Klaus Baudelaire

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the circus was in town that day 🤡

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So I’m on a trip with my robotics team and there’s only two “girls” (me, an enby, and a cis girl), so we get our own beds in our own room, but the guys are rooming four to a room, but there’s only two beds in each room. Which means that two guys are sleeping on the floor every night.

I’m not joking. They were literally arguing over who’s sleeping on the floor tonight (apparently they plan on rotating).

And I asked them “why don’t you just share a bed?” And they all gave me the same answer:

“No, that’s weird! That’d be gay!”

And I just looked at them and I decided to break the bad news to them

“If lying next to another guy makes you wanna suck dick, you already wanted to suck dick.”

I’ve never seen so many Straight Guys™️ enraged by a single sentence before

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Some People Will Not Believe Me

If it's any consolation, this story slightly embarrasses me because it feels like some fake shit I'd tell younger me to hype myself up in an attempt to convince them it might be worth making it to adulthood.

So, I work in childcare. I interact with kids all the time and being a person who enjoys children's media tends to help me bond with my kids from time to time.

There is a little girl at my job named Violet.

Now, me being me, I asked if she liked A Series of Unfortunate Events because she's in the target age group for the series.

She says yes and that she is a big fan of Violet Baudelaire, though her parents don't really like her watching the Netflix series because they think it has scary subject matter (literally the point, but go off). I suggest the books to her and inform her that I myself have been a fan of the series since I was a little younger than her.

We bond a little over the series and then I physically watch her eyes drift down.

To my left ankle.

And, in spite of my tattoo being the book version rather than the Netflix version, she immediately recognizes it.

She proceeds with a suspicious squint in my direction.

And let me tell you the amount of dopamine and serotonin that rushed into my brain! I have been waiting forever to have a moment like this!

Truth be told, other children have recognized my tattoo and given me this look in passing. Usually in bookstores, once in a Pizza Hut, don't asked questions.

But none of them actually said anything or confronted me and I would never just walk up to some random child that doesn't have some form of relation to me.

But this child was one of my students. And she was certainly going to confront me about it.

And her name is Violet???

Hence begun the world's weirdest coincidence and playful rivalry I now have with a child as she has decided I must be her personal Firestarter Nemesis (all a game, all in good fun).

She has accused me of being Count Olaf to other students. (I even got to pull a "What eye tattoo?" once)

She taunts me that I'll never get away with my schemes.

She loves the Count Olaf impression I occasionally do with my students (I'm an art and drama teacher lol. Fun fact: Kids love when you commit to a bit and are slightly and jokingly mean i.e. "It's time to go home, hun" vs *looks at them bluntly* "Go home." Gotta be able to read your audience though)

Tell me why this child has walked into the facility with fake, giant hundred dollar bills two days in a row giving me a physical "fortune" to steal?

Gotta say I'm doing way better than Olaf because I've succeeded twice (again, all in good fun. She got it back after I got my gloating out of the way).

Point being, adulthood is fucking weird, but occasionally life lets your inner child have some fun.

#asoue #a series of unfortunate events #count olaf #lemony snicket

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VFD in every book | The Unauthorized Autobiography

#Did some bitch really misspell grapes to make the fucking acronym

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please look at this picture junji ito drew of his moms crusty white dog

#this narration speaks to me

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When I’m scrolling through a blog and see they reblogged one of my posts

#me when any of my asoue posts get traction

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a series of unfortunate events au where the baudelaires take one for the team and kill olaf

i think sunny's the most likely to do it

#IT'S NOT LIKE SHE DIDN'T TRY #asoue #a series of unfortunate events

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