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Joking aside, the Millennium Falcon is not the space fantasy equivalent of a busted-ass old panel van.

The Millennium Falcon is the space fantasy equivalent of a busted-ass old panel van that's inexplicably been hot-rodded to have a top speed of 300 miles per hour, which is substantially funnier.

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New headcanon: the batsiblings name Bruce's stuff, not him. One day Dick looked at Batman's car and said "this is a batmobile" and Bruce was like "you are absolutely correct. this is indeed a batmobile."

Before Jason, batarangs didn't even have a name. They were just random weapons. Jason names them batarangs and ever since Batman also calls them batarangs.

Babs named his computer batcomputer and ever since it's the batcomputer. It's the official name. Don't you dare question it.

In a similar way, rest of the batfam just randomly name the bats and he just goes with it. Steph calls one specific bat Bruce Jr and now it's official name is Bruce Jr. He always recognizes it and uses the correct names

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Ginni Thomas has immunity because her husband is the most partial, biased, and corrupt judge possible.

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Whatever the case, feel free to write long-winded explanations in the tags, I WILL read them!

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That's right. You better run.

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After a mission…

Dick: I can’t wait to go home, have a bowl of cereal, and go to sleep.

Duke: Lucky, I have patrol in like, two hours. No sleep for me. What’re you going to do when you get home, Jason?

Dick: Wait! Let me guess. Crack open a beer, order in Chinese food, and fall asleep on the couch watching a gritty action movie.

Jason, fully planning on having a lavender scented bubble bath while drinking vanilla earl grey tea and watching Pride and Prejudice: … Something like that.

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There is a sort of trope that I've noticed in DC media where Batman is infinitely stranger from anyone else's perspective than his own. In his own comics and movies and such his motives are explained to you, you have his inner monologue, but the moment you put him in someone else's story, you're met with a general vibe of 'what the fuck is wrong with that man? is that a man? might be a demon.'

And this 100% extends to the batkids.

Dick? The man has no bones. From an outside perspective, he leaps before he looks, grinning and laughing as be backflips off buildings with seemingly no plan, only to catch himself with a grapple at the last minute. He's charming and warm until he can't be, and then he's terrifying, with a glare and temper that rivals the Bat's.

Jason? He has deadly aim and a steady hand. He's hulking and strong, but he's also silent. He still moves like a bat, like he was taught to in his Robin days, despite the fact that he's taller and broader than Bruce now. The Red Hood could appear out of the shadows behind you, no matter how safe you are, and you wouldn't be able to do anything to stop it.

Tim? He's smart. They're all smart, but he's smart smart. And his ethics and intelligence don't always mesh. He could tear down any security system with frightening efficiency, then rebuild it better. Logically, he's always five steps ahead.

Damian? He's the most obviously terrifying. He's small, and angry, and he has a sword that he knows how to use with frightening efficiency. He's as viscous as his father can be, but with a temper that more unchecked. He learned how to kill before he learned how to protect.

Duke, Cass, and Steph also fall under this, but I don't know enough about them to make accurate judgements.

Anyway, what I'm saying is the rogues and the Justice League alike fear the Bats, and for good reason.

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hacking shit and running lives from the comfort of his bed

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Keeping Up With The Wayne’s but bc Jason literally cannot be there, they have like a little memorial shrine and when asked about Jason, Bruce is like,

“oh my son, my wonderful wonderful dead son, he was an angel a perfect boy the best possible child ever.”

Tim just makes snide ass comments like “Well he wasn’t that great, he was actually an asshole who would always drink the last of the coffee and not make another pot like your suppos-“ and Bruce would interrupt like “hahahaha timmy here never got to meet Jason.” before gently covering Tims ears and fake whispering to the camera “He’s always been a bit jealous”

in revenge, Tim put the batman cowl in Bruce’s bedroom before he gave a tour and Bruce had to say it was Sex Thing.

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I miss the pre-New 52 Tim and Jason dynamic so much. It was basically Jason beating the fuck out of Tim well being all "nothing personal kid I just hate everything about you, your existence and the fact you're breathing right now" and Tim spitting up blood going "what if your mother was a whore, kill yourself" and Jason just deciding right then and there that this kid is his favourite person. Then it just turned into a Tom and Jerry hunt across the city where Jason keeps hitting Tim with the "join me, be my robin" and Tim kicks him in the balls.

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I want less of "the Drakes were terrible people and parents and Bruce rescues poor sad Timmy" (not knocking the trope it just got old for me)

And more of Bruce suffering a hell of his own creation as he tries to figure out how to parent Timothy "latchkey kid" Drake, who doesn't respect the concept of having parental supervision in general and more specifically Bruce's authority as his new guardian at all, because Tim was basically his caretaker for the entire beginning of his tenure as Robin

Any kind of Parental Action would have Bruce choking in his own hypocrisy. Like... imagine trying to get your teenage son to go to bed when he's been putting your ass down for naps for like, years, by that point. Imagine telling him to eat healthier when at 13 years old he was helping your butler with designing your meal plan 'cause you were too depressed to eat

Bruce gently tries to get him to stop working on a case to take a break, and Tim raises a single withering eyebrow (he learned this from Alfred) and Bruce immediately shuts up. Tim only listens to Bruce when he wants to and being legally adopted by the man hasn't changed that

(And I want fics of the rest of the batfam reacting to this dynamic soooooooo bad)

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Jason, to himself: If I can catch Tim off guard when he comes back from patrol he'll confess about breaking my favourite Wonder Woman's mug

Jason, as Tim wanders in: Got anything to confess??

Tim, very very high off Gotham Harbor fumes: Ra's pickled my spleen.