pondering-and-wondering

[pondering-and-wondering]

Mutuals I am putting a handwritten valentine card with a red lollipop taped to it, into your shoebox you decorated for Valentine's Day.

[pondering-and-wondering]

Matt Murdock X Reader: Safe and Sound

Summary: Matt loses his hearing and you come to the rescue.

Warning: None(i think) this is just fluff

Matt Murdock did not easily get despaired. Being a lawyer meant he needed to keep his mind in a state of constant stability in order to do his job the best he could. His night job also required a steady mind because any slip up could cause the loss of a life. Despite all of this Matt couldn't manage to calm himself when his hearing stopped working. He had already lost his sight years ago which meant the only thing he could rely on to survive was the rest of his senses, his hearing being one of the most important ones. So it's safe to say that when he stopped being able to hear the noise of Hellfire's kitchen and the clinking of glass crashing onto the floor he panicked. Out of a sudden Matt's world had gone completely dark. The silence suffocated him and no matter how loud he screamed he couldn't seem to make it stop. 

He was all alone. 

Alone and vulnerable.

You strolled down the streets a shopping bag in one hand and the keys to Matt's apartment grasped in the other. You walked up the stairs calmly, stopping to give Matt's neighbours a cheery good morning as you went. Completely unaware of what was happening to your favorite brunette. You’d made it to Matt's apartment without any issues, your hands fiddled with the keys as you tried to find the correct one to open the door. Then you heard the most blood curdling scream coming from inside the apartment. Your head snapped up at the sound, the hand holding the grocery bag instinctively releasing the item as you desperately tried to pry the door open. You knew about Matt's double life so you shouldn’t be worried about a scream. What made the hairs on your arms stand up was the fact that Matt was the one screaming. 

Desperately screaming. 

And one thing you knew Matt Murdock never was was desperate.

You managed to get the door open, your shoes clanged loudly against the wood flooring as you raced into the living room. Your eyes searched the room quickly, trying to find some intruder or any sense of a break in but everything seemed to be in the right place, except for the pieces of glass that littered the floor near the kitchen. You moved towards the broken cup, kneeling down to get a better look at the contents. It is possible Matt had been poisoned? You were just about to reach out to grab a piece off the floor when another scream broke out through the silent room. Your eyes snapped to the place where the noise had come from, your gaze falling on Matt's frame. You rushed over to him, your hands reaching out to touch his body.

“Matt, what's wrong? Why are you-”

The moment your hand touched his arm Matt snapped into action, his hand wrapped around your throat with a strength you often forgot he had. Your own hands made their way to Matt's forearm trying with all your might to stop him from choking you.

“Matt…”

Your voice barely came out, not that it mattered anyway Matt couldnt hear you. You looked around, searching for something to get him to realize that he wasn't in danger. Your eyes fell onto Matt's other hand, the one that had remained at his side. You used your little amount of strength, the lack of air was making you lightheaded, to grab his other arm and drag his hand towards your face. For some reason Matt didn't resist, he let you guide his hand to your cheek. The moment his hand made contact with your features his eyes lit up in recognition. He immediately let go of your throat causing you to gasp for air. Your hands went to the floor, trying to steady yourself as you breathed in some much needed oxygen. Matt's hands went to try and grab onto you but you flinched away, the survival instinct still kicked into your system. And he felt it. Matt felt the way your muscles contracted away from him. He couldn't see or hear you but an image of your face formed inside his brain, your eyes wide with fear as you looked at him. Like he was some sort of rabid animal. In a way he believed he was. 

You stared at the floor trying to get your bearings together. Matt called out your name, making you look at him. Your eyes found his brown ones, watching as his eyebrows furrowed with worry. He called out your name again a little louder this time and you realized that he couldn't hear anything at all. You crawled towards him. Matt felt the floorboards creak underneath him as you moved. Your hand went to his face but this time instead of snapping at you Matt closed his eyes, nuzzling into your palm. You felt Matt's tears on your palm as you caressed him.

“I’m sorry.”

He sounded so broken. 

You moved your body in between his legs, your arms wrapping around his neck to pull him into your embrace. Matt nuzzled into your neck, the smell of your perfume invading his nose and making him feel safe. Your body was warm around him, a big contrast to the coolness of the wall behind him. He couldn’t hear but he wasn't scared anymore because he wasn't alone now. Now he had you and you would never let anything happen to him. Ever. Just like he would never let anyone hurt you.

You managed to guide Matt to the couch so that way he could be comfortable as you tried to figure out what to do about his hearing. You would have to take him to a doctor. That was the only thing you could think of. But how the hell were you supposed to guide him through the streets of new york without either of you getting put into risk. You reached into one of the kitchen drawers searching for the kettle you knew would be there. Tea would help you think and maybe it would calm Matt down enough to get him to sleep. Perhaps once he had gotten the rest he needed his hearing would come back to him. 

Matts lay on the couch, his hands pulling at the blanket you’d placed on top of him. He wondered what you were doing. He knew you hadn’t left because he could still smell you. He wondered how he hadn't noticed the scent when you had walked in but then again he was in such a panicked state he hadn’t been paying enough attention to things. A new scent filled his nose. It was a slightly citric smell but not strong enough to be some kind of juice. Matt moved his head in the direction of the smell. Tea. You were making him orange tea. If it had been another time he would have laughed but it seemed silly to laugh given the circumstances. 

A low melody entered Matt's ears. At first he thought he had imagined it but then he heard a clink of metal and the sound of shoes on the wood floor. You were humming as you walked around the kitchen and Matt could hear you. 

He could hear you.

You were about to take the mugs filled with tea over to the couch when two arms grabbed you and turned you around. You looked up at Matt, your heart beating quickly. When had he gotten up from the couch? You hadn't even heard the floor creak behind you but then again that was kind of Matt's thing. Being quiet was a must when you fought bad guys in the night.

“Matt can you-”

“I’m so sorry. I would never hurt you on purpose.”

Matt pulled you into his chest, his body molding itself around your fame. You froze for a moment before wrapping your arms around his neck.

“It’s okay Matty. You were scared and you reacted. I know you’d never hurt me intentionally.”

Matt let out a small sob as he held you.

“Everything was dark. I couldn't… i didn't know what-”

“Shhh, It's alright you’re okay. I'm here now.”

Your hands wrapped themselves in Matt's hair as the two of you hugged.

“If you hadn’t done something… if i had…i’d never forgive myself.”

“Matthew, stop it. It was a mistake and I'm okay. You would have noticed. I know you would have.”

It was futile to argue with you. Matt knew you would never believe he could harm you. And that's what worried him because when his hands had been around your throat he wasn't thinking of anything else. He wondered if you were right, perhaps he would have noticed in time and stopped. But a small part of him thought that he only would know when it was too late. Tears welled in his eyes for the second time that day. His body slacked in your arms the emotions he’s held in for so long taking a toll on him. You sunk to the floor due to Matt's weight, one of your hands grabbing onto the counter for support. Once you two were sitting on the floor Matt buried his head into your chest, his strong arms gripping onto you for dear life. You felt Matt's tears soak through your shirt, causing some to well up in your own eyes. You hated seeing him this way but you were glad he trusted you enough to show this side of himself. You stayed like this for a while. Matt clinging onto you as he cried, you caressing him as he did so. Then Matt's head snapped up from its position, his face facing yours. One of his hands found their way to your cheek, his fingers tracing your features slowly. His thumb found your lips and he heard your heartbeat fasten slightly at the action. You had closed your eyes the moment he had placed his hand on your face, the thought of looking at him making you nervous. Matt called out your name. It came out as a whisper. So low that maybe if he hadn't been so close you wouldn’t have heard him.

“Yes?”

There was silence for a moment as Matt contemplated if this was a good moment. Every thought of doubt left his mind when he remembered the feeling that had invaded his chest when he realized you’d come to help him. The immediate peace that had consumed him when you pulled him into your body. Matt placed his hand underneath your chin, guiding you to look up at him. He could hear your heart berating, he could feel you breathe on his lip and he could smell your perfume, a scent he was sure he would never tire of.

“Matt?”

God he loved the way his name sounded on your lips.

“You alright?”

That's when he kissed you. Your hands tensed before reaching up to hold Matt's cheeks. He pulled you onto his lap, his arms wrapping around you once again. You wondered if this was all just a really realistic dream. It seemed almost impossible that after all these years you were in Matt's kitchen kissing him with everything you had. The years of bottled feelings had come to an end. Your heart felt as light as a feather and even though you didn't know it Matt had never felt happier. Matt placed his forehead against yours as he tried to catch his breath.

“I am now.”

You let out a laugh making him smirk.

“You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn't want to hurt you.”

“You could never hurt me Matt.”

“Yeah but my life isn't exactly safe. The people I love end up getting hurt. I didn't want to put a target on your back.”

“Hey, I think I should be the one who decides whether I want to be a target or not. Plus I'm in this. I have been in it since that day I stitched you up. So if anyone put a target on my back it was me. Not you.”

“You’re one tough cookie.”

“Yeah I know. It’s why you love me.”

Your eyes widened at your words realizing what you had said. You worried you had assumed too much, after all Matt had never officially said he loved you.

“You bet it is.”

With that Matt pulled you into another kiss. You melted into his body, feeling like the happiest person alive. The floor was cold and the position was starting to hurt Matt's back so you both got up. You went to look at the tea you had placed on the counter.

“Teas gone cold.”

“Leave it.”

You listened to Matt, letting him guide you to the couch. You watched as he climbed onto the sofa before opening his arms to you. You understood the message climbing onto the couch and laying on his chest. Matt's hands went to your hair, massaging your scalp tenderly. You let out a hum of approval as you snuggled more into his frame.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being here. For sticking around, even though it’s dangerous.”

“Well, we do all kinds of crazy things for people we love.”

Matt smiled at your words. Love had always been something he had wanted. At the same time he always feared for those he loved. However right now he couldn’t care less. You loved him, he loved you and neither of you would let anyone get in the way of that. Matt listened to the sound of your breathing as you began to fall asleep. For the first time in a long time the world around him seemed to go quiet. He drifted into sleep, your warmth luring him into peaceful sleep. For once Matt wasn’t plagued with nightmares instead his dreams were filled with images of you. He was safe. Completely safe because he had you and nothing was going to change that. Not if he had anything to say about it.

[pondering-and-wondering]

I know I haven’t been active in ages but I need everyone here to be aware I have been a Rachel Zegler Stan far before TBOSBAS

#thoughts

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when i have a crush i dont kick my feet or twirl my hair instead i am in my kitchen at 3am pacing in circles with my hands clasped behind my back like a middle-aged divorced detective haunted by a cold case he just cant crack

[pondering-and-wondering]

So I know said i’d give Claire a rich bf but i have infact changed my mind and have a ghost bf plan already in motion.

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i need him.

FOUNDATION; season II

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I MADE A NEW BLOG

If you happen to be interested in my precious Claire Connolly over @claire-connolly PLEASE FOLLOW @theclairefiles its where im posting all the written work I make for Claire!! CHEERS

#thoughts? stories? #shut up sam

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aAHHHHHHH tysm for the mention here babes!!! I am always excited to hear about other people’s cool ass OC’s and babies and whatnot!

RAERAE!!!

Okay so I have to tell you: I have for a little bit now been working on my own little slasher OC + reader universe (not a rip-off of yours in any way, I promise, although you did sort of inspire me), and I think now I’ve finally gotten it fine-tuned to the point where I can talk about it to someone! And, of course, you were the first person I thought of, being the gender-neutral royal of slasherkisser fics to me!!

Of course, if you don’t want to hear about it that is totally and completely fine (I acknowledge that I already annoy you with asks a lot and if you want me to stop that, too, you only have to tell me and I will), but if you do, just lemme know!! It’ll be really nice to infodump about my own little universe to somebody after planning it for so long (but, again, it’s totally fine if not)!!

Anyways, take your time with answering this, I don’t wanna rush you or anything, and I really hope you’re doing well!! ♡♡♡

hello, dolly~! ✨

(it’s okay if you don’t get this reference, it’s old even for me lmao :’D)

first may I say that I am never, ever annoyed to get asks — it may take me a long-ass time to answer them, depending (and usually the longer it takes to answer, the more I’m having fun with what I’m writing), but I always enjoy someone taking the time to drop in. It always means a great deal to me when I know someone’s thinking of me/the morvants, and it’s always, always appreciated. I know I say it a lot, but I don’t take it lightly at all. 🖤 there’s so much to see and do out there, getting a little portion of anyone’s day is always an honor.

and while that is such an enormously kind a title you’ve graciously bestowed on me (seriously, I wanna put that on my business cards and my CV when I graduate!), I am a firm believer that everyone’s got a little slasherkisser in them. no need to feel worried about encroaching, this is a sandbox I think more people should play in (plus all my necromancy lore is so stupidly complicated I’ve got it written down in my notebooks lmao)! feel free to infodump away - I know you’ve already met my buddy jess and her bunch at @jmathesonandsiblings, but there’s also @shadowworldwanderers who has their own fun bunch as well, and my buddy Sam @pondering-and-wondering has hers over at @claire-connolly! (note: I’m typing this part while I’m also sitting here with my folks, so if there’s anyone I’m obviously missing, please know that’s just bc I’m distracted and feel free to introduce yourself!)

I already can’t wait to hear more about y’all’s little haven in virginia. 🖤♥️🖤 if there’s ever anything I feel is a little too similar for comfort, I’ll be sure to let you know, but I’m already sure your group will have their own distinct vibes. 🥰 there always needs to be more stories in the world, especially lately, and there’s always plenty of room in the spooky corners for newcomers!!

thank you so much for telling me about your new scrimblos, hon! I’m honored that you wanted to include us, and I’m looking so forward to meeting them! 👻💀♥️

#rarae ❤️🖤 #my precious spookily ookilies ❤️🖤❤️🖤

[pondering-and-wondering]

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happy disability pride month to people with rare or confusing clinical findings! including:

people who received test results their doctors did not understand!

people who had to get expensive and/or unusual testing, and the results didn't provide clarity!

people who have abnormal test results, who's doctors aren't sure if the results have any significance, or what that significance is!

people who had to learn to read studies in order to research their conditions, because the information has not been made accessible to the general public through articles and informative sites!

people who can't even find studies to read in the first place!

people who might never know if the results they have mean anything!

people with unexplained symptoms that could be related to an unusual test result, but they have no way of knowing!

people who are worried that their results could be pathogenic, but have no way of finding out!

sometimes, disability just isn't simple. it is really hard to have something markedly different about your body that doesn't make sense - not to you, not to professionals. when i was being tested for genetic disorders, they found that i had a duplication in one of my chromosomes, and my doctor told me that it could mean nothing, it could have caused some of my issues, or it could cause me issues in the future.

it was scary! it's been almost two years, and i don't know what it means. there isn't a single case report or study on this duplication. it is deeply disquieting to think about. i don't know what i'm meant to do, or if i can do anything at all. i have plenty of symptoms and features that could be related to it, but there is essentially no way for me to figure it out.

am i still trying to? hell yeah! am i going to try and get into contact with genetic specialists? hell yeah! but if nothing comes out of it, that's fine. it isn't a failing on my part, and it isn't irrational for me to be concerned or upset about it.

your condition does not have to have a name, or a mayo clinic page, or even a study on it for it to be real. your concerns are valid, and you deserve love and support.

happy pride!!

[pondering-and-wondering]

Tumblr Code.

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Eva Green as MILADY DE WINTER The Three Musketeers: D'Artagnan (2023)

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officially declaring myself Team Art Donaldson‼️

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If @ruby-dragon has million fans, then I'm one of them.

If Fae has one fan, then I'm THAT ONE.

If Fae has no fans, that means I'm dead.

#this.

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Witnessing fandom drama go down that youre not a part of is honeslty such a bizzarro experience.

Like its not that hard to communicate to people before things blow up just buck up and talk to people in the dms like DAMN. 

#among us imposter vibes #Thoughts

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Cas: i love you 🥺

Dean for the past few days on tumblr dot com:

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This is how I feel selfshipping sometimes.

#so real