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ppang-gi · 3 years

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Sunflower

A short seulrene/aseul AU

This is a letter sent by Joohyun, addressed to Seulgi. 600 words, angsty Also available on AFF

March 28, 2026

“Wouldn’t it be better to love with reservations than to not love at all?”

It is not a thought that I would usually have in my head. In fact, I would wake up every day with the same set of thoughts, like clockwork.

Brush my teeth

Shower

Get dressed

Have breakfast

Head to work

Work

Have lunch

More work

Go home

Dinner

Rest

And in the intervals of my menial daily routine, I think of you. I think about the way you place too much toothpaste on your toothbrush, much so that we ended up not brushing at the same time so I wouldn’t chastise you. How you’d steal touches in the shower and what would usually take 15 minutes becomes 2 hours underneath the shower head. How you usually pair your clothes in similar colors because it matched your taste. How you’d talk with your mouth full. How you’d kiss me endlessly before we parted ways for work. How you’d send me messages during your breaks, and I’d read them while I eat my lunch. How you’d always be waiting for me to get off work, seated at the 3rd to the last step on the stairs in front of my building, having some sort of flower in tow without a fail every time. How you’d always hold my hand while we take the short commute home. Home. I’d always think about you when I think of home. You were always this sort of flame wherever you go, the way you illuminate the place with your laugh and your stories. The way your eyes sparkle as you blurt about your passions. The way your warm mouth feels against my skin. The way you always felt like the fire in a fireplace because of the warmth you bring forth at the thought of ‘home.’

It was Sooyoung who asked me that question while we were having brunch. We both met a client at the café down in 54th, a fun coincidence that lead to two tall glasses of mimosas and avocado toasts. She kept talking about her co-worker, Wendy, who got transferred to their branch from Toronto or somewhere. She told me how Wendy reminded her of me, and how she thinks that for some reason, Wendy and I would click, that I should give the woman a shot. It was a bizarre thing to say to me because it’s something I don’t usually think of. I don’t feel like I have any space in my life to let in another person, let alone, allow that person to know me as fond as you do. In other words, I declined, simply because I cannot love her the way I love you. Sooyoung was frustrated for a moment, to which she would ask the question after a sip of her mimosa.

“Wouldn’t it be better to love with reservations than to not love at all?”

The question perturbed me so, that I have written this letter for you, since talking to you never failed to bring me to some semblance of clarity. Your simple, child-like wisdom is one of the things I admire most about you. Today I finally have the answer to her question.

It’s not like I haven’t been loving anyone at all, it’s just that I’m not done loving you. In the five years that you have no longer slept beside me, I never stopped loving you. And I still do. It’s better to love someone the way I love you, without reservations, beyond limits, even beyond death.

I love you, dearest. I have left sunflowers for you today, yellow had always been your color.

-Irene’s letter to Seulgi on her 5th death anniversary

#seulrene #red velvet #seulgi x irene #red velvet fanfic #seulgi #irene #kang seulgi #bae joohyun #yuri #f/f #aseul

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