queen-haq

[queen-haq]

Never You

next chapter will be Colin POV and I'm so excited to write it ☺️

#Polin #bridgerton #colin x penelope #never you

[queen-haq]

Hey Haq! Just wanted to swing by and tell you that I love your writing and I’m super excited for the next part of Grudgingly Yours! I know you’ve said you kind of lost inspiration for it, but I want you to know that it’s still very much a loved story to hopefully help find inspiration for it! 💖💖

aw, thank you so much, dear anon. I think the inspiration is just temporarily low, I'm sure it'll come back. I appreciate your patience and understanding though 🙏

#Gy feedback

[queen-haq]

Aw, thank you 😊

Fic: Never You, Part 9 (Polin fic)

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 released scenes.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)

A03 link if that’s more your jam

Chapter 9

Shame flooded over Penelope, she felt so very embarrassed to be caught in such a compromising position. Colin, on the other hand, simply rose to his full height, consequently blocking her view of Eloise. “Give us a second, El,” he commanded. His hair was ruffled from when her fingers ran through the strands, his face flushed, waistcoat unbuttoned, but he appeared unperturbed by his own flustered appearance. If anything, he was more concerned with tucking the loose strands of her hair behind her ear than dealing with his angry sister. “Are you alright?” he asked quietly, fixing the neckline of her dress that had been pulled low under his frantic grasp.

She quickly buttoned his vest before righting her own clothing. Wet marks from where his mouth had suckled her nipples stained her dress, and she froze for a second, horrified by the sight. What was she going to do? Under no circumstances could she return to the sitting room where others were present. They would know instantly something sordid had taken place.

As if reading her mind, he grazed her cheeks with his fingers. “Don’t worry, I’ll find you a shawl you can use.”

“How long have you been plotting this?” Eloise demanded, approaching them. Her words were directed at Penelope, tone saturated with anger. “You couldn’t use me anymore so now you’re manipulating Colin to get to my family?”

“That is not true!” Penelope defended herself. “I’ve been keeping my distance-”

“Yes, clearly. That must be why you were in the midst of swallowing his face,” Eloise snarked.

“What Pen and I do doesn’t concern you,” Colin remarked dryly, turning to confront Eloise.

“You don’t know her like I do, brother. You have no idea what she’s capable of!”

“I know she has never spoken ill of you but that hasn’t stopped you from slandering her.”

“Don’t fall for it, Colin. Her friendliness is a disguise, underneath she’s nothing but a petty, spiteful witch!”  

“And you’re not, Eloise?” Penelope fired back. Her attempts to confront Eloise face-to-face was hindered by Colin who caged her in a firm grip. “Your sudden friendship with Cressida has nothing to do with how horrible she is to me? I suppose you befriended her out of the goodness of your heart?”

“Cressida treats people the way they deserve.”

“By bullying them? No wonder the two of you are so close!”

“Are you chastising me for bullying? Isn’t that what you’ve been doing for years?”

An exasperated sigh escaped Colin. “The two of you were the best of friends, sisters practically, and now you’re bickering like fools. Is this really how you choose to conduct yourselves?”

“Do not lecture me when you were tupping her right here!” Eloise hissed.

“Enough!” His voice roared across the library, taking both women by surprise.

Colin wasn’t known to raise his voice. Usually calm, unlike Anthony, he used charm to diffuse precarious situations rather than his temper. Yet he’d already revealed his anger with Penelope when he was interrogating her earlier and now it was Eloise’s turn.

“Don’t you ever speak of her like that!” The violence in his voice was potent, causing Eloise to falter back as he directed his cold, seething rage at her. “I don’t give a fuck about what happened between you and Pen or who’s at fault. Whether you reconcile or not, I do not care. But do not make the mistake of insulting Penelope in my presence again, Eloise. You will not like the consequences of that!”

Eloise swallowed audibly. “So you would rather side with an outsider than your own sister?”

“She’s not an outsider to me.” There was no doubt in his voice, no hesitation as he leveled Penelope with a keen glance. “She matters more than you’ll ever know. And I will not let anyone disparage her.”

Penelope held his gaze, unable to look away.

“You must be pleased. You’ve already managed to turn him against me.”

Eloise’s pained tone snapped Penelope out of her daze, her heart squeezing with empathy. “Please, Eloise. It’s nothing like that. If we could just speak alone, I could explain to you-”

“Absolutely not,” Eloise interjected.

“I agree with El. It’s a terrible idea. I doubt the two of you can manage a civilized conversation,” Colin said in a highhanded tone, sounding much like Anthony.

“Stay out of it, Colin!” Penelope rebuked.

Eloise expressed a similar reaction. “You can not order me about. If I want to speak, I will!”

Spotting the fleeting twinkle in Colin’s eyes, it dawned on Penelope he had goaded Eloise on purpose; this outcome was exactly what he wanted. “Fine, then. I will be right outside the door. Hope you ladies can behave yourselves.” Concluding his impression of Anthony, he walked away.

They remained in place, silently eyeing each other. Seconds later, the door shut with a loud thud.

“I will not let you hurt my brother!” Eloise threatened. “If you think you can seduce Colin into marrying you, you’re wrong. It will not happen.”

“That is not what I want, Eloise! He…” Penelope swallowed the lump in her throat. “What you saw between us… I know it was wrong, I should have stopped him but I’ve loved him for so long and-”

“Love?” Eloise laughed mockingly. “You don’t even know what that is!”

“I love you, more than I love my own sisters. I miss you.”

“I do not believe you. You’re a liar!”

“I’m sorry that I hurt you, but you must know I had no choice. If I hadn’t published those things the Queen would have come after you!” 

Eloise shook her head. “Nothing you say can excuse what you’ve done. You’re a liar and a deceiver, that’s all you’re capable of.” Her eyes blazed with fury. “I haven’t revealed the truth about you out of respect for your family, they don’t deserve to suffer for your actions. But I will tell the Queen myself if you don’t stay away from mine. Then the whole world, and Colin, will know who you truly are!”

Penelope studied her friend, desperate to spot some form of sadness or yearning for their years long friendship. Something. Anything. But there was none, only contempt. And it finally dawned on her that their friendship had truly ended. With that realization came a swift flood of anger. “Then do it. Tell the Queen, tell everyone. Destroy me.” She approached Eloise with a slow, determined gait. “But realize that I’m not the only one you’ll be destroying. Lady Whistledown is a business. A successful, thriving one that benefits not only me but many of the working class. I employ servants, delivery boys, printing presses, coachmen. Even your friend Theo Sharpe. The extra money they earn allows them the freedom to pursue their dreams, to better their family’s lives. And you will be ending all of that.” Standing in front of Eloise, Penelope stared up at the other woman. Her gaze was direct, her voice cold. “So go ahead Eloise, do what you must. But do not be surprised when there are consequences to the choice you make. Word will eventually spread that it was you who dismantled their source of income, and they will not be happy.”

“Are you threatening me?” Eyebrow raised, Eloise stared down at Penelope with condescension. “You do take after your mother.”  

Penelope sent her a stiff smile. “You would do well to remember that.”

Eloise turned around and stormed out, leaving her alone in the library again. Her brave face dissipated instantly. Feeling sick, she clutched her stomach and closed her eyes. She took deep breaths to calm herself, her heart broken. Despite telling herself for months their friendship was over, she still harbored hope that she and Eloise would reconcile one day. But seeing the disdain Eloise held for her now, Penelope realized their friendship was irrevocably broken.

She opened her eyes to find Colin standing in front of her. The queasiness turned to butterflies, and her heart started pounding in her chest. After loving him for so long, she had finally come to terms with the fact he would never feel the same about her and she had moved on from that heartbreak. Had reconciled her mind to focus on a new love, new life – only to have Colin return and throw everything into chaos. Her temper rose. How dare he? How dare he turn her life upside down again?

“I suppose we don’t have to worry about Eloise telling others about us,” Colin noted.                                                                                             

“She wouldn’t.”

He stalked closer. “I gather things didn’t go well with Eloise.”     

“Impressive observation.”

He graced her with an amused smile. “Perhaps if I knew the cause of the rift, I could help resolve the issue.”

“Like you helped today?” she pointed out. “It’s best you stay out of it.”

“I will find out the truth. Sooner or later.”

And when he did, she had no doubt he would react the same way his sister did. Her heart grew heavy at the thought of him hating her. “I must go.” She tried to walk past him but he blocked her path, invading her personal space. He stood close, so close she had to look up at him.

His eyes were warm and intent roaming over her face, drifting down to her lips. “We need to discuss what happened last night.”

“There’s no need. I’d rather put it behind us and move on.”

The dark glint in his eyes returned. “Do you really believe I would allow that to happen?”

She peered up at him, her instincts signaling something was afoot. “When you came in earlier, you knew I would be alone.”

His fingers lightly grazed her own. “Yes.”

“But you came in anyway.”

“You were crying.”

“You kissed me on purpose.”

He leaned in, his breath humming against her skin. “We kissed, Penelope. Neither of us could resist the other.”

Her voice was a hushed whisper. “You knew my mother would send someone to look for me, didn’t you?”

He cocked his eyebrow.

“You wanted us to be caught.”

Silent, he watched her. “Yes.”

Rage flooded over her, she was so furious she could barely speak. “You have no care for my reputation, do you? It really doesn’t matter to you that you could have ruined me!” She shook her head at him with disgust. “You call yourself my friend but you’re not! You’re no better than the Cressida Cowpers of this society. You only want to humiliate me.”

She tried to push him away but he gripped her arms. Although she struggled against him, he was stronger, bracing her against his chest. “Did you leave me any choice, Penelope?” he demanded, his voice shaking with anger. “I asked you to be my wife and you turned me down. What else was I supposed to do? This was the only way to ensure you would marry me!”

“And what of my family? Or yours? Did you think about how this scandal would have affected them? Your sisters? Mine? Did you even care?”

His lips drew back in a snarl. “They would have survived. They always do. After we were married, things would have eventually returned to normal.”

She couldn’t wrap her mind around his words. “Who are you? What happened to you?” Tears glistened in her eyes. “The Colin I grew up with would never have been this selfish.”

“This is me! This is who I am now!” He gritted his teeth, eyes blazing with fiery determination. “And I will do anything to make you mine, Penelope.” His hands cupped her face, eyes boring into her. “You will never escape me.”

Fear trickled down her spine. Seeing him so desperate and passionate terrified her, because she knew it was fleeting. He didn’t love her, he only wanted to possess her. Like she was a toy. And when he was done playing with her, he would discard her and move on to someone else. No. She wouldn’t let that happen, no matter what. 

"You don’t want me to be your wife. I would ruin you." 

A small smile curved his lips. "Is that so?"

Her eyes lingered on him, taking in every inch of his beautiful face. Never would he look at her like this again and she wanted to commit everything about his adoring gaze to her memory. 

"I'm not a virgin, Colin. I have been with someone else, known another man's intimate touch." Her voice was blank, free of any emotion. "And we both know you wouldn't want a fallen woman as a wife."

Silence hung in the air. He immediately dropped his hands from her face, like he could no longer bear to touch her. His eyes burned right through her, gleaming with anger, accusation, even betrayal. 

As devastating as his response was, it wasn't a surprise. Turning around, she walked away.

[queen-haq]

Fic: Never You, Part 9 (Polin fic)

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 released scenes.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)

A03 link if that’s more your jam

Chapter 9

Shame flooded over Penelope, she felt so very embarrassed to be caught in such a compromising position. Colin, on the other hand, simply rose to his full height, consequently blocking her view of Eloise. “Give us a second, El,” he commanded. His hair was ruffled from when her fingers ran through the strands, his face flushed, waistcoat unbuttoned, but he appeared unperturbed by his own flustered appearance. If anything, he was more concerned with tucking the loose strands of her hair behind her ear than dealing with his angry sister. “Are you alright?” he asked quietly, fixing the neckline of her dress that had been pulled low under his frantic grasp.

She quickly buttoned his vest before righting her own clothing. Wet marks from where his mouth had suckled her nipples stained her dress, and she froze for a second, horrified by the sight. What was she going to do? Under no circumstances could she return to the sitting room where others were present. They would know instantly something sordid had taken place.

As if reading her mind, he grazed her cheeks with his fingers. “Don’t worry, I’ll find you a shawl you can use.”

“How long have you been plotting this?” Eloise demanded, approaching them. Her words were directed at Penelope, tone saturated with anger. “You couldn’t use me anymore so now you’re manipulating Colin to get to my family?”

“That is not true!” Penelope defended herself. “I’ve been keeping my distance-”

“Yes, clearly. That must be why you were in the midst of swallowing his face,” Eloise snarked.

“What Pen and I do doesn’t concern you,” Colin remarked dryly, turning to confront Eloise.

“You don’t know her like I do, brother. You have no idea what she’s capable of!”

“I know she has never spoken ill of you but that hasn’t stopped you from slandering her.”

“Don’t fall for it, Colin. Her friendliness is a disguise, underneath she’s nothing but a petty, spiteful witch!”  

“And you’re not, Eloise?” Penelope fired back. Her attempts to confront Eloise face-to-face was hindered by Colin who caged her in a firm grip. “Your sudden friendship with Cressida has nothing to do with how horrible she is to me? I suppose you befriended her out of the goodness of your heart?”

“Cressida treats people the way they deserve.”

“By bullying them? No wonder the two of you are so close!”

“Are you chastising me for bullying? Isn’t that what you’ve been doing for years?”

An exasperated sigh escaped Colin. “The two of you were the best of friends, sisters practically, and now you’re bickering like fools. Is this really how you choose to conduct yourselves?”

“Do not lecture me when you were tupping her right here!” Eloise hissed.

“Enough!” His voice roared across the library, taking both women by surprise.

Colin wasn’t known to raise his voice. Usually calm, unlike Anthony, he used charm to diffuse precarious situations rather than his temper. Yet he’d already revealed his anger with Penelope when he was interrogating her earlier and now it was Eloise’s turn.

“Don’t you ever speak of her like that!” The violence in his voice was potent, causing Eloise to falter back as he directed his cold, seething rage at her. “I don’t give a fuck about what happened between you and Pen or who’s at fault. Whether you reconcile or not, I do not care. But do not make the mistake of insulting Penelope in my presence again, Eloise. You will not like the consequences of that!”

Eloise swallowed audibly. “So you would rather side with an outsider than your own sister?”

“She’s not an outsider to me.” There was no doubt in his voice, no hesitation as he leveled Penelope with a keen glance. “She matters more than you’ll ever know. And I will not let anyone disparage her.”

Penelope held his gaze, unable to look away.

“You must be pleased. You’ve already managed to turn him against me.”

Eloise’s pained tone snapped Penelope out of her daze, her heart squeezing with empathy. “Please, Eloise. It’s nothing like that. If we could just speak alone, I could explain to you-”

“Absolutely not,” Eloise interjected.

“I agree with El. It’s a terrible idea. I doubt the two of you can manage a civilized conversation,” Colin said in a highhanded tone, sounding much like Anthony.

“Stay out of it, Colin!” Penelope rebuked.

Eloise expressed a similar reaction. “You can not order me about. If I want to speak, I will!”

Spotting the fleeting twinkle in Colin’s eyes, it dawned on Penelope he had goaded Eloise on purpose; this outcome was exactly what he wanted. “Fine, then. I will be right outside the door. Hope you ladies can behave yourselves.” Concluding his impression of Anthony, he walked away.

They remained in place, silently eyeing each other. Seconds later, the door shut with a loud thud.

“I will not let you hurt my brother!” Eloise threatened. “If you think you can seduce Colin into marrying you, you’re wrong. It will not happen.”

“That is not what I want, Eloise! He…” Penelope swallowed the lump in her throat. “What you saw between us… I know it was wrong, I should have stopped him but I’ve loved him for so long and-”

“Love?” Eloise laughed mockingly. “You don’t even know what that is!”

“I love you, more than I love my own sisters. I miss you.”

“I do not believe you. You’re a liar!”

“I’m sorry that I hurt you, but you must know I had no choice. If I hadn’t published those things the Queen would have come after you!” 

Eloise shook her head. “Nothing you say can excuse what you’ve done. You’re a liar and a deceiver, that’s all you’re capable of.” Her eyes blazed with fury. “I haven’t revealed the truth about you out of respect for your family, they don’t deserve to suffer for your actions. But I will tell the Queen myself if you don’t stay away from mine. Then the whole world, and Colin, will know who you truly are!”

Penelope studied her friend, desperate to spot some form of sadness or yearning for their years long friendship. Something. Anything. But there was none, only contempt. And it finally dawned on her that their friendship had truly ended. With that realization came a swift flood of anger. “Then do it. Tell the Queen, tell everyone. Destroy me.” She approached Eloise with a slow, determined gait. “But realize that I’m not the only one you’ll be destroying. Lady Whistledown is a business. A successful, thriving one that benefits not only me but many of the working class. I employ servants, delivery boys, printing presses, coachmen. Even your friend Theo Sharpe. The extra money they earn allows them the freedom to pursue their dreams, to better their family’s lives. And you will be ending all of that.” Standing in front of Eloise, Penelope stared up at the other woman. Her gaze was direct, her voice cold. “So go ahead Eloise, do what you must. But do not be surprised when there are consequences to the choice you make. Word will eventually spread that it was you who dismantled their source of income, and they will not be happy.”

“Are you threatening me?” Eyebrow raised, Eloise stared down at Penelope with condescension. “You do take after your mother.”  

Penelope sent her a stiff smile. “You would do well to remember that.”

Eloise turned around and stormed out, leaving her alone in the library again. Her brave face dissipated instantly. Feeling sick, she clutched her stomach and closed her eyes. She took deep breaths to calm herself, her heart broken. Despite telling herself for months their friendship was over, she still harbored hope that she and Eloise would reconcile one day. But seeing the disdain Eloise held for her now, Penelope realized their friendship was irrevocably broken.

She opened her eyes to find Colin standing in front of her. The queasiness turned to butterflies, and her heart started pounding in her chest. After loving him for so long, she had finally come to terms with the fact he would never feel the same about her and she had moved on from that heartbreak. Had reconciled her mind to focus on a new love, new life – only to have Colin return and throw everything into chaos. Her temper rose. How dare he? How dare he turn her life upside down again?

“I suppose we don’t have to worry about Eloise telling others about us,” Colin noted.                                                                                             

“She wouldn’t.”

He stalked closer. “I gather things didn’t go well with Eloise.”     

“Impressive observation.”

He graced her with an amused smile. “Perhaps if I knew the cause of the rift, I could help resolve the issue.”

“Like you helped today?” she pointed out. “It’s best you stay out of it.”

“I will find out the truth. Sooner or later.”

And when he did, she had no doubt he would react the same way his sister did. Her heart grew heavy at the thought of him hating her. “I must go.” She tried to walk past him but he blocked her path, invading her personal space. He stood close, so close she had to look up at him.

His eyes were warm and intent roaming over her face, drifting down to her lips. “We need to discuss what happened last night.”

“There’s no need. I’d rather put it behind us and move on.”

The dark glint in his eyes returned. “Do you really believe I would allow that to happen?”

She peered up at him, her instincts signaling something was afoot. “When you came in earlier, you knew I would be alone.”

His fingers lightly grazed her own. “Yes.”

“But you came in anyway.”

“You were crying.”

“You kissed me on purpose.”

He leaned in, his breath humming against her skin. “We kissed, Penelope. Neither of us could resist the other.”

Her voice was a hushed whisper. “You knew my mother would send someone to look for me, didn’t you?”

He cocked his eyebrow.

“You wanted us to be caught.”

Silent, he watched her. “Yes.”

Rage flooded over her, she was so furious she could barely speak. “You have no care for my reputation, do you? It really doesn’t matter to you that you could have ruined me!” She shook her head at him with disgust. “You call yourself my friend but you’re not! You’re no better than the Cressida Cowpers of this society. You only want to humiliate me.”

She tried to push him away but he gripped her arms. Although she struggled against him, he was stronger, bracing her against his chest. “Did you leave me any choice, Penelope?” he demanded, his voice shaking with anger. “I asked you to be my wife and you turned me down. What else was I supposed to do? This was the only way to ensure you would marry me!”

“And what of my family? Or yours? Did you think about how this scandal would have affected them? Your sisters? Mine? Did you even care?”

His lips drew back in a snarl. “They would have survived. They always do. After we were married, things would have eventually returned to normal.”

She couldn’t wrap her mind around his words. “Who are you? What happened to you?” Tears glistened in her eyes. “The Colin I grew up with would never have been this selfish.”

“This is me! This is who I am now!” He gritted his teeth, eyes blazing with fiery determination. “And I will do anything to make you mine, Penelope.” His hands cupped her face, eyes boring into her. “You will never escape me.”

Fear trickled down her spine. Seeing him so desperate and passionate terrified her, because she knew it was fleeting. He didn’t love her, he only wanted to possess her. Like she was a toy. And when he was done playing with her, he would discard her and move on to someone else. No. She wouldn’t let that happen, no matter what. 

"You don’t want me to be your wife. I would ruin you." 

A small smile curved his lips. "Is that so?"

Her eyes lingered on him, taking in every inch of his beautiful face. Never would he look at her like this again and she wanted to commit everything about his adoring gaze to her memory. 

"I'm not a virgin, Colin. I have been with someone else, known another man's intimate touch." Her voice was blank, free of any emotion. "And we both know you wouldn't want a fallen woman as a wife."

Silence hung in the air. He immediately dropped his hands from her face, like he could no longer bear to touch her. His eyes burned right through her, gleaming with anger, accusation, even betrayal. 

As devastating as his response was, it wasn't a surprise. Turning around, she walked away.

#polin #bridgerton #colin x penelope #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton #my fics #never you

[queen-haq]

hi will you be doing more parts for never you?

Of course :) Next chapter is 60% complete. Hoping to post Chapter 9 early next week.

#never you

[queen-haq]

I do like Eloise, but I also think she has no idea how privileged she is as a wealthy, attractive woman. She can afford to be sanctominous because she doesn't have to worry about things that others do. Hopefully this season she'll mature a little and be more understanding of people's flaws.

Fic: Never You, Part 8 (Polin fic)

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 released scenes.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)

A03 link if that's more your jam

With her heart and mind in complete shambles the next day, the last place Penelope wanted to be at was the Bridgerton Manor. But there she was, cushioned between Lady Violet and her own mother for afternoon tea. As if things weren’t difficult enough, the Cowpers were also in attendance, which meant she was forced to watch Eloise and Cressida act like the best of friends. Occasionally Eloise would glance at her from the other side of the room, as if to gauge her reaction. The optimistic part of Penelope hoped it was because her former friend still cared, but the cynic in her knew otherwise. Eloise wanted to make it crystal clear that Penelope was alone now. Without Eloise, without the Bridgertons, she was an outsider. And who better to emphasize that point with than Cressida Cowper herself. The tall blonde had bullied Penelope since they were little girls, and now Eloise had joined forces with Satan herself. As if on cue, Cressida cast her a disparaging glance, whispering something in Eloise’s ears before both women exchanged a spiteful smile.

It was one thing to have Eloise be angry at her, that Penelope understood and could live with, but to see Eloise and Cressida’s blossoming friendship felt like an arrow through the heart. And it hurt, it hurt so much.

The night of the ball Penelope would’ve done anything to reconcile with Eloise, but since then she came to realize a lot of hard truths. The ton, Eloise, Colin – they only accepted her as long as she followed their rules. A woman like her, shy and large, not borne into wealth or beauty wasn’t allowed to want things. She had to remain voiceless, live in the shadow of others, not expect to be loved or cherished. The moment she refused to play the part of an insipid wallflower she was punished. And that was fine, she would live with the consequences of the choices she made. But what she wouldn’t do was reveal her pain for anyone’s enjoyment. So Eloise could be as snide as she wanted, she and Cressida could humiliate her to their heart’s content but they would never conquer her publicly.

“Penelope, you looked lovely at the VanGuard soiree.”

Breaking out of her reverie, Penelope smiled at Lady Violet. “Thank you.”

“The various shades of green have been a surprise,” Portia chimed in, sipping her tea. “I wasn’t with Penelope the day she went to the modiste and Miss Delacroix certainly took advantage of that. Probably talked my foolish child into buying all the unused fabrics she couldn’t sell to others.”

“I doubt Miss Delacroix has to resort to trickery to sell her clothes,” Penelope replied.

“She is very much in demand as a dressmaker,” Lady Violet added.

“Hmph…” was her mama’s response. “I suppose it could have been much worse. At least the green doesn’t wash out her complexion too much.”

Violet responded with a stiff smile. “I thought it suited her quite well.” She turned to Penelope. “We’ve missed having you here for tea.”

Penelope merely smiled.

“I suppose my Cressida has kept Eloise so busy these past few weeks she hasn’t had time for… others.” Penelope had to stop herself from rolling her eyes at Lady Cowper. The apple certainly didn’t fall far from the condescending tree.

“I’m sure that will be rectified soon,” Lady Violet replied, a hopeful tilt to her voice.

Penelope didn’t have the heart to tell her things had irrevocably changed. Eloise refused to understand her motivations, and Penelope wasn’t willing to fall on her sword to make things right between them.

“Mother, Cressida and I are going to take a stroll in the gardens,” Eloise announced, linking her arms through Cressida's as they both headed out of the room.

Lady Violet’s warm eyes gleamed with compassion as she directed her attention back to Penelope. “Would you like to join them?”

That was the last thing she wanted. “Is it alright if I visit the library?”

“Yes, of course.”

The stern look on Portia’s face indicated she wasn’t happy about Penelope spending time in the stuffy Bridgerton library but Penelope didn’t care. It was a room she loved, filled with many warm, comforting memories of happier times.

Excusing herself, she walked away from the prying eyes of the mothers, desperate for a moment alone. Her stomach was still tied in knots, her head pounding. She had stayed awake most of the night in Colin’s arms, inhaling him in and etching everything about him to her memory. At the same time her guilty conscience had warred with her heart, reminding her of the horrible mistake she was making. It was only when fatigue took over that she managed to get some sleep. By the time she woke up Colin had already left, and she had spent the morning agonizing over what to tell Arthur.

Penelope quietly walked to the library, grateful it was in the opposite wing from where the bedchambers were. The last thing she needed was to run into Colin; after last night, she was too embarrassed to face him.

Stepping inside the library, she shut the door behind. She closed her eyes. Breathed in the air, the smell of books infusing her senses. Sunlight peeked in through the windows, casting shadows across the room. As children she and Eloise had spent countless hours playing hide and seek between the shelves. This room had also been a haven when Mama and Papa fought, or those days Mama had been especially harsh about her eating habits. Penelope would sneak away and make her way into the Bridgerton library through the gardens and the back door, desperate for a quiet place to simply be.

She crossed the room, walking to the window which overlooked the south section of the garden. Staring out, she caught a glimpse of Cressida and Eloise walking together, engaged in deep conversation. It was Cressida’s facial expression that caught her attention. The blonde, usually so smarmy and full of herself, seemed almost shy next to Eloise, even vulnerable. Apparently they were friends.

Taking a deep breath, she walked further into the room, behind the shelves, to the hidden alcove.

Her heart was heavy, her mind still fraught with guilt. She had spent the morning writing and rewriting to Arthur, debating on how much to tell him. In the end, she decided to keep it short.

I made a mistake. One I’m not sure you can forgive me for. It’s best if we speak in person.

Tears welled in her eyes, her throat tightened with emotion.

As hurtful as Colin’s words had been about not courting her, at least they finally revealed what his true thoughts were. He didn’t love her, nor would he ever, and no amount of wishing would make it so. And ultimately, his honesty had been a gift because it allowed her to get through the pain and open her mind to pursue someone new. She hadn’t gone looking for Arthur, but when he’d come into her life she hadn’t closed herself off either. She may not have loved him madly like Colin but she held deep affection for him. There was also mutual respect between them and friendship. He understood what writing meant to her and pledged his full support, and that was a rare quality amongst men in their society. She had so much to look forward to and it was all gone now, completely eviscerated because of her own foolishness.

Tears fell down her cheeks while she pondered the bleak future ahead of her. Without any marriage prospects, she was doomed to be a spinster. Unlike Eloise, she wanted a husband and children, a contented marriage, a home where she would finally belong. As a spinster, however, she would most likely spend the rest of her life with Portia and be the sole recipient of her mother’s criticisms. Oh God. No, no, no, just the thought of that made her panic. Heart pounding, she clutched her chest, utterly dejected about her broken dreams.

“Pen? What’s wrong?”

She turned around to find Colin standing a few feet away. She swiped the tears from her face, quickly composing herself. “Nothing, I just have some dirt in my eyes.” While he crossed the room in only a few strides, she gave him a cursory smile. Seeing the concern on his face, she quickly averted her eyes away from him. “I need to return to the sitting room. Mama must be waiting for me.”

“You’ve been crying.” There was fear in his voice when he spoke. “What’s wrong?

She shook her head. “I’m fine-”

“I know I haven’t been a good friend to you recently. I wasn’t there when your father passed, I’ve been callous with your feelings – but please, Pen, give me a chance to help you. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Despite using all her resolve to hold it together, she started to shake. The lump in her throat made it impossible to speak. She closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears in check. She couldn’t bear for him to see her when she was feeling so low and pathetic.

All of a sudden his arms wrapped around her, enveloping her in a warm, comforting hug. “It’s alright. You don’t need to tell me, you don’t fully trust me yet. But please let me hold you for a while?”

It may have been posed as a question, yet his tight embrace indicated he wouldn’t let go even if she refused. And she tried, she tried to hold onto her pride and fight him off, but he was stronger and more resolute and eventually she gave in. The solace he offered made her crumble and she buried her face in his chest, crying silently in his arms.

For the longest while he simply hugged her, murmuring tender words, dropping light kisses on the crown of her head. He felt so strong yet gentle, offering his support, and her heart yearned for him. If only he could love her, want her for who she truly was. She let herself indulge in that fantasy for a few minutes, pondering life with him as his wife, being family with the Bridgertons, even having Eloise back as her best friend. She could continue to write, and they would be supportive without judging her. Her life would be perfect, she would never need for anything again.

Time held no meaning. All she felt was the warmth of his touch, his scent blanketing her senses, making her feel safe and secure in his grasp. Nestled in his arms, she listened to his heartbeat. Strong, slow, steady. Whereas her heart was pounding rapidly, like it always did when she was around him. A stark reminder of how much she was affected by him, whilst he wasn’t at all by her.

And that was enough for her mind to stop dwelling in the fantasy of Colin. There was never any possibility of a future with him. And she was absurd for letting herself daydream about it.

The tears stopped. A calm logic fell over her.

She took a deep breath.

Her foolish heart may have cost her a future with Arthur but that didn’t mean she was out of options.

She had amassed a small fortune already. And with any luck, the investments she made would continue to grow in value. While nothing would change her status as a spinster, that didn’t mean she had to live with Mama for the rest of her life. She could leave and build a life elsewhere, without her mother’s approval. In secret if she had to.

It wouldn’t be easy, but not impossible. After all, she had built Lady Whistledown from nothing. And now her nom de plume was one of the most influential names in the ton.  She was Penelope Featherington and she could do anything she set her mind to.

“Who made you cry, Penelope?”

His words instantly brought her back to reality, and she was reminded of how desperately she was clinging to him. Immediately she dropped her arms, intending to step back but he didn’t release his grip on her. Instead, he tucked his finger under her chin and nudged her head up to meet his gaze.

It was then she noticed the dark storm brewing in his gaze. There was anger in his eyes, on his face, his jaw clenched. The Colin she grew up with was cheery and affable, equally popular amongst ladies and gentlemen of the ton because of his friendly nature. But he wasn’t the same man staring back at her now, seething with rage, a strange viciousness vibrating off of him.

“No one gets to hurt you, Penelope.”

He wasn’t loud or boisterous with his threat, instead his tone was quiet which made his words even more dangerous. Because he wasn’t putting on an act. He meant every word.

His thumb swiped the tear stains from her cheeks, first left, then right, before trailing down to her lips. His breathing grew more shallow with every second, and his eyes held her transfixed, making it impossible for her to look away from him. She was his prisoner, body and soul.

“Tell me who it was.”

She swallowed audibly. “Why do you care?”

“Because you're everything to me.” His arms encircled her back, pulling her against him. “And I will destroy the fucking world before I let someone hurt you again."

There was no time to argue, to think. A palpable force compelled them together, as real as the air they breathed. His lips closed over hers, kissing her possessively, and she kissed him back with equal fervor, desperate to touch him. The pull between them was too much, yet not enough. His hands all over her body, pulling at her dress, hers frantically removing his waistcoat and shirt because she wanted – no, needed – to feel his bare skin on hers again. They were spiraling towards full madness. Nothing else mattered except his mouth dragging down her neck, trailing a path of heated kisses. On his knees now, she clutched his hair as his mouth sought out her breasts. The friction from his mouth laving her hardened nipple over the fabric of her dress was electric. She couldn’t take it, rolling her head back at the sheer intensity of it. 

"Colin! What are you doing?”

Penelope's eyes flew open. 

Standing on the other side of the room was Eloise, watching them with complete horror on her face.  

[queen-haq]

Fic: Never You, Part 8 (Polin fic)

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 released scenes.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)

A03 link if that's more your jam

With her heart and mind in complete shambles the next day, the last place Penelope wanted to be at was the Bridgerton Manor. But there she was, cushioned between Lady Violet and her own mother for afternoon tea. As if things weren’t difficult enough, the Cowpers were also in attendance, which meant she was forced to watch Eloise and Cressida act like the best of friends. Occasionally Eloise would glance at her from the other side of the room, as if to gauge her reaction. The optimistic part of Penelope hoped it was because her former friend still cared, but the cynic in her knew otherwise. Eloise wanted to make it crystal clear that Penelope was alone now. Without Eloise, without the Bridgertons, she was an outsider. And who better to emphasize that point with than Cressida Cowper herself. The tall blonde had bullied Penelope since they were little girls, and now Eloise had joined forces with Satan herself. As if on cue, Cressida cast her a disparaging glance, whispering something in Eloise’s ears before both women exchanged a spiteful smile.

It was one thing to have Eloise be angry at her, that Penelope understood and could live with, but to see Eloise and Cressida’s blossoming friendship felt like an arrow through the heart. And it hurt, it hurt so much.

The night of the ball Penelope would’ve done anything to reconcile with Eloise, but since then she came to realize a lot of hard truths. The ton, Eloise, Colin – they only accepted her as long as she followed their rules. A woman like her, shy and large, not borne into wealth or beauty wasn’t allowed to want things. She had to remain voiceless, live in the shadow of others, not expect to be loved or cherished. The moment she refused to play the part of an insipid wallflower she was punished. And that was fine, she would live with the consequences of the choices she made. But what she wouldn’t do was reveal her pain for anyone’s enjoyment. So Eloise could be as snide as she wanted, she and Cressida could humiliate her to their heart’s content but they would never conquer her publicly.

“Penelope, you looked lovely at the VanGuard soiree.”

Breaking out of her reverie, Penelope smiled at Lady Violet. “Thank you.”

“The various shades of green have been a surprise,” Portia chimed in, sipping her tea. “I wasn’t with Penelope the day she went to the modiste and Miss Delacroix certainly took advantage of that. Probably talked my foolish child into buying all the unused fabrics she couldn’t sell to others.”

“I doubt Miss Delacroix has to resort to trickery to sell her clothes,” Penelope replied.

“She is very much in demand as a dressmaker,” Lady Violet added.

“Hmph…” was her mama’s response. “I suppose it could have been much worse. At least the green doesn’t wash out her complexion too much.”

Violet responded with a stiff smile. “I thought it suited her quite well.” She turned to Penelope. “We’ve missed having you here for tea.”

Penelope merely smiled.

“I suppose my Cressida has kept Eloise so busy these past few weeks she hasn’t had time for… others.” Penelope had to stop herself from rolling her eyes at Lady Cowper. The apple certainly didn’t fall far from the condescending tree.

“I’m sure that will be rectified soon,” Lady Violet replied, a hopeful tilt to her voice.

Penelope didn’t have the heart to tell her things had irrevocably changed. Eloise refused to understand her motivations, and Penelope wasn’t willing to fall on her sword to make things right between them.

“Mother, Cressida and I are going to take a stroll in the gardens,” Eloise announced, linking her arms through Cressida's as they both headed out of the room.

Lady Violet’s warm eyes gleamed with compassion as she directed her attention back to Penelope. “Would you like to join them?”

That was the last thing she wanted. “Is it alright if I visit the library?”

“Yes, of course.”

The stern look on Portia’s face indicated she wasn’t happy about Penelope spending time in the stuffy Bridgerton library but Penelope didn’t care. It was a room she loved, filled with many warm, comforting memories of happier times.

Excusing herself, she walked away from the prying eyes of the mothers, desperate for a moment alone. Her stomach was still tied in knots, her head pounding. She had stayed awake most of the night in Colin’s arms, inhaling him in and etching everything about him to her memory. At the same time her guilty conscience had warred with her heart, reminding her of the horrible mistake she was making. It was only when fatigue took over that she managed to get some sleep. By the time she woke up Colin had already left, and she had spent the morning agonizing over what to tell Arthur.

Penelope quietly walked to the library, grateful it was in the opposite wing from where the bedchambers were. The last thing she needed was to run into Colin; after last night, she was too embarrassed to face him.

Stepping inside the library, she shut the door behind. She closed her eyes. Breathed in the air, the smell of books infusing her senses. Sunlight peeked in through the windows, casting shadows across the room. As children she and Eloise had spent countless hours playing hide and seek between the shelves. This room had also been a haven when Mama and Papa fought, or those days Mama had been especially harsh about her eating habits. Penelope would sneak away and make her way into the Bridgerton library through the gardens and the back door, desperate for a quiet place to simply be.

She crossed the room, walking to the window which overlooked the south section of the garden. Staring out, she caught a glimpse of Cressida and Eloise walking together, engaged in deep conversation. It was Cressida’s facial expression that caught her attention. The blonde, usually so smarmy and full of herself, seemed almost shy next to Eloise, even vulnerable. Apparently they were friends.

Taking a deep breath, she walked further into the room, behind the shelves, to the hidden alcove.

Her heart was heavy, her mind still fraught with guilt. She had spent the morning writing and rewriting to Arthur, debating on how much to tell him. In the end, she decided to keep it short.

I made a mistake. One I’m not sure you can forgive me for. It’s best if we speak in person.

Tears welled in her eyes, her throat tightened with emotion.

As hurtful as Colin’s words had been about not courting her, at least they finally revealed what his true thoughts were. He didn’t love her, nor would he ever, and no amount of wishing would make it so. And ultimately, his honesty had been a gift because it allowed her to get through the pain and open her mind to pursue someone new. She hadn’t gone looking for Arthur, but when he’d come into her life she hadn’t closed herself off either. She may not have loved him madly like Colin but she held deep affection for him. There was also mutual respect between them and friendship. He understood what writing meant to her and pledged his full support, and that was a rare quality amongst men in their society. She had so much to look forward to and it was all gone now, completely eviscerated because of her own foolishness.

Tears fell down her cheeks while she pondered the bleak future ahead of her. Without any marriage prospects, she was doomed to be a spinster. Unlike Eloise, she wanted a husband and children, a contented marriage, a home where she would finally belong. As a spinster, however, she would most likely spend the rest of her life with Portia and be the sole recipient of her mother’s criticisms. Oh God. No, no, no, just the thought of that made her panic. Heart pounding, she clutched her chest, utterly dejected about her broken dreams.

“Pen? What’s wrong?”

She turned around to find Colin standing a few feet away. She swiped the tears from her face, quickly composing herself. “Nothing, I just have some dirt in my eyes.” While he crossed the room in only a few strides, she gave him a cursory smile. Seeing the concern on his face, she quickly averted her eyes away from him. “I need to return to the sitting room. Mama must be waiting for me.”

“You’ve been crying.” There was fear in his voice when he spoke. “What’s wrong?

She shook her head. “I’m fine-”

“I know I haven’t been a good friend to you recently. I wasn’t there when your father passed, I’ve been callous with your feelings – but please, Pen, give me a chance to help you. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Despite using all her resolve to hold it together, she started to shake. The lump in her throat made it impossible to speak. She closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears in check. She couldn’t bear for him to see her when she was feeling so low and pathetic.

All of a sudden his arms wrapped around her, enveloping her in a warm, comforting hug. “It’s alright. You don’t need to tell me, you don’t fully trust me yet. But please let me hold you for a while?”

It may have been posed as a question, yet his tight embrace indicated he wouldn’t let go even if she refused. And she tried, she tried to hold onto her pride and fight him off, but he was stronger and more resolute and eventually she gave in. The solace he offered made her crumble and she buried her face in his chest, crying silently in his arms.

For the longest while he simply hugged her, murmuring tender words, dropping light kisses on the crown of her head. He felt so strong yet gentle, offering his support, and her heart yearned for him. If only he could love her, want her for who she truly was. She let herself indulge in that fantasy for a few minutes, pondering life with him as his wife, being family with the Bridgertons, even having Eloise back as her best friend. She could continue to write, and they would be supportive without judging her. Her life would be perfect, she would never need for anything again.

Time held no meaning. All she felt was the warmth of his touch, his scent blanketing her senses, making her feel safe and secure in his grasp. Nestled in his arms, she listened to his heartbeat. Strong, slow, steady. Whereas her heart was pounding rapidly, like it always did when she was around him. A stark reminder of how much she was affected by him, whilst he wasn’t at all by her.

And that was enough for her mind to stop dwelling in the fantasy of Colin. There was never any possibility of a future with him. And she was absurd for letting herself daydream about it.

The tears stopped. A calm logic fell over her.

She took a deep breath.

Her foolish heart may have cost her a future with Arthur but that didn’t mean she was out of options.

She had amassed a small fortune already. And with any luck, the investments she made would continue to grow in value. While nothing would change her status as a spinster, that didn’t mean she had to live with Mama for the rest of her life. She could leave and build a life elsewhere, without her mother’s approval. In secret if she had to.

It wouldn’t be easy, but not impossible. After all, she had built Lady Whistledown from nothing. And now her nom de plume was one of the most influential names in the ton.  She was Penelope Featherington and she could do anything she set her mind to.

“Who made you cry, Penelope?”

His words instantly brought her back to reality, and she was reminded of how desperately she was clinging to him. Immediately she dropped her arms, intending to step back but he didn’t release his grip on her. Instead, he tucked his finger under her chin and nudged her head up to meet his gaze.

It was then she noticed the dark storm brewing in his gaze. There was anger in his eyes, on his face, his jaw clenched. The Colin she grew up with was cheery and affable, equally popular amongst ladies and gentlemen of the ton because of his friendly nature. But he wasn’t the same man staring back at her now, seething with rage, a strange viciousness vibrating off of him.

“No one gets to hurt you, Penelope.”

He wasn’t loud or boisterous with his threat, instead his tone was quiet which made his words even more dangerous. Because he wasn’t putting on an act. He meant every word.

His thumb swiped the tear stains from her cheeks, first left, then right, before trailing down to her lips. His breathing grew more shallow with every second, and his eyes held her transfixed, making it impossible for her to look away from him. She was his prisoner, body and soul.

“Tell me who it was.”

She swallowed audibly. “Why do you care?”

“Because you're everything to me.” His arms encircled her back, pulling her against him. “And I will destroy the fucking world before I let someone hurt you again."

There was no time to argue, to think. A palpable force compelled them together, as real as the air they breathed. His lips closed over hers, kissing her possessively, and she kissed him back with equal fervor, desperate to touch him. The pull between them was too much, yet not enough. His hands all over her body, pulling at her dress, hers frantically removing his waistcoat and shirt because she wanted – no, needed – to feel his bare skin on hers again. They were spiraling towards full madness. Nothing else mattered except his mouth dragging down her neck, trailing a path of heated kisses. On his knees now, she clutched his hair as his mouth sought out her breasts. The friction from his mouth laving her hardened nipple over the fabric of her dress was electric. She couldn’t take it, rolling her head back at the sheer intensity of it. 

"Colin! What are you doing?”

Penelope's eyes flew open. 

Standing on the other side of the room was Eloise, watching them with complete horror on her face.  

#polin #penelope x colin #colin x penelope #bridgerton #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #never you #my fics

[queen-haq]

So what does billy think about krista now? Present back in love with reader billy? I would love to dissect his mind on this because he was always painted as a womanizer (before reader) but Billy being with krista so faithfully confused me because he said iirc he couldn’t even fathom why he was married. What made krista so special and how does he feel toward the whole situation/who he was now? Because i’d assume krista is a taboo topic too

Billy doesn't think about Krista at all :) She's one of his biggest regrets, and I think the only reason he clung to her was because she was hot and didn't force him to recall memories like Reader did when he came out of his coma. I genuinely believe everything he did with Krista was in reaction to Reader. Of course he was attracted to her because a) she's hot, b) he was fucked in the head - lol

He felt this pressure from Reader and his friends group, all waiting for him to go back to the great guy he was (or so he believed) and there was this hot woman who wanted nothing from him (of course she did, but not from his perspective at that point).

If he didn't have to deal with the expectations he thought others had put upon him, Krista probably would have been a one-night standa nd that's all. But she was a way to stick to Reader and others.

[queen-haq]

There wouldn't be a story if he wasn't such a fuck up lol 😆 🤣 😂

Thank you for the support as always ❤️

Fic: Never You (Polin) - Part 7

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 released scenes.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)

A03 link if that's more your jam

Chapter 7

“Show me,” Penelope spoke, her voice firm and determined. “Show me how much you want me.”

A mixture of surprise and uncertainty flitted across Colin’s face, causing her to wonder if she overstepped.

After their first conversation at the park since his return, he’d been a different man. Not at all the sweet, charming Colin that she’d grown up with, the one who didn’t see her as a woman, but someone who was unhinged and volatile. Obsessive in a way she had never seen him before, demanding things he had no right to. And the way he looked at her, touched her as if she belonged to him – she didn’t know how to wrap her mind around this change.

Except now there was hesitation on his face, and he reminded her of the Colin from before. Her childhood friend. And she wondered if this was the moment the spell over him would break. Would he finally realize the truth that he truly didn’t want her? That this strange fixation was only temporary? Her heart hurt at the thought, even though she knew rationally this was for the best for both herself and him. “This was a mistake. Please leave.”

She tried to walk past him but suddenly he gripped her hand from behind, his other arm sneaking around her waist to pull her against him. Her back flushed with his front, she trembled when he leaned into whisper in her ear. “Your scent is ingrained into my brain. You’re in my every thought, every fantasy. All I think about is you.”

His lips traced a line from her ear, down the length of her neck, inhaling her in, teasing her with his warm breath, whispering wicked, wicked things. Every nerve in her body was heightened with his one hand trailing down her body, the other cupping her right breast over her dressing robe.

Breath panting, she arched back, gripping his sides for support. “Colin…”.

“I’ve imagined your breasts, what they look like, what they feel like when I cup them.” The need in his voice was potent, shocking her, but it paled in comparison to when his fingers brushed against her nipple. She jumped in response but he held her firm, locking her in his arms. His breath grew labored. “How sweet you must taste, Pen.” His other hand drifted to between her legs, stroking her mound. “Your sweet, tight cunt, so needy for me, begging to be filled with my cock… “

It was all too much, she couldn’t take it. His hands caressing her, his mouth seducing her, she was a throbbing nerve of need and wanton desire. Nothing else mattered, except the thrilling sensation from his hands all over her body.

It wasn’t until she felt him start to untie her robe that some semblance of sense returned. Underneath the robe she was clad in her sleeping gown, free of any undergarments that would give her body a desirable shape. She would practically be naked. Naked. Her large breasts, her too-soft stomach and thighs, all exposed in front of him. Immediately, panic set in. She couldn’t do it, not with him, not when any sign of disappointment from him would destroy her. Using all her resolve she nudged his hands away and attempted to move – but he didn’t let her. Instead he whirled her around in his arms and pulled her in for a kiss.

His mouth closed over hers, silencing every thought in her brain.

There was urgency in his kiss, in his touch, lifting her up in his arms like she weighed nothing. And she couldn’t get enough of him, returning his frenzied kiss while he ravaged her. Her hands frantically unbuttoned his waistcoat, practically ripping it off so she could feel his shoulders, his back, his chest whilst his own squeezed her bottom, his hardness jutting against her stomach.

Suddenly he tore his mouth away, his breath panting, perched above her and she realized they were on her bed. Somehow he had carried her from the door to the bed while she’d been completely caught up in him. Heat coursed through her body at the stark desire etched on his face; his look of awe, as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world, made her head spin. His eyes were dark, so dark, almost brown, piercing through to her very soul, the rhythm of her heavy breaths matching his so they were both breathing in unison. A small voice in her head reminded her this was a terrible mistake, but then there was her heart. Her heart, that had loved him for so long and ached to be touched by him for as long as she could remember. Not just be touched, but also touch him in return. His hair, his lips, his body – everywhere.

Taking advantage of her position, she ran her fingers through his soft, tantalizing curls.

“That feels wonderful,” he sighed, closing his eyes.

“I’ve always wanted to do that.”

His eyes met hers. “Why didn’t you?”

“You know why.” Her fingers caressed the hair on the nape of his neck. “And I shouldn’t be doing this right now.”

“Wrong. You should do that and more.”

“You can not have your way with me, Colin.”

“And you should not be haunting my every thought, yet you do.”

Her voice was playful, toying with him. “I’m not responsible for the wicked thoughts in your mind.”

“But you are.” His eyes centered on her parted lips. “You’re a temptress, Penelope. In my dreams and out of them.”

“Have you really dreamt of me?”

“Every night this past week.”

He rubbed his body against hers, and a spark of lightning rushed through her blood. Like he’d set her body on fire. Her robe was undone but she didn’t want to cover herself this time, the intimacy of having him be so close to her heated core too enthralling to stop.

“I dream of your smile, your sweet laughter.” He nuzzled the top of her head. “Your fiery mane.”

“That doesn’t sound very tempting.”

“Then you don’t see what I see.” His eyes locked with hers. “Slow taunts, wicked barbs, seducing me with your mind before you begin your true, tender assault on me.”  

Her heart started drumming in her chest.

“When you finally touch me with your hands, your mouth, I’m at the brink of madness.”

It was difficult to breathe with him peering at her, his finger slowly tracing the contours of her face. “There are times I dream about pleasuring you. What you must taste like, what you must feel like when I’m inside you, how beautiful you must look when you come for me.”

Throat parched, she swallowed and glided her tongue over her lips. His gaze followed her every movement, a man enchanted. And he was still stiff, undeniable proof that he desired her. Her. Emboldened by his response, she reached up to cup his face. “I wonder how you look.”

He raised his eyebrow. “When I climax?”

Heat rose in her cheeks.

“Do you want to get me off, Penelope?”

“Would you want me to?”

“I’ve imagined your mouth on me a thousand times. And I’ve imagined devouring your cunt just as many.”

A thrill ran down her spine, both from nervousness and excitement. “Do you touch yourself when you think of me?”

“Yes.”

“Would you… show me?”

He raised his eyebrow. “Are you sure? I’m not sure you would find it enjoyable to watch.”

“I want to see you, Colin. All of you.”

Eyes darkened, he sat back on his knees. Positioned between her legs, he simply held still, studying her for a few seconds before he loosened his breeches and pulled them down. Her eyes followed his movements. She drew a sharp breath when he freed his erection, mesmerized by the sight. He was pink and thick, the length of his shaft beautiful in a way she’d never imagined before.

“I simply have to think of you and it’s enough to get me hard. Your luscious lips, your eyes glazed, looking at me, wanting me, the way you’re doing now.” Wrapping his fingers around his cock, he started to move his hand up and down his shaft. “I think about your full breasts, how soft they felt in my hands, how lush and beautiful they would be when you finally show them to me.”

She held his gaze, wetness pooling between her legs.

“I ache at the thought of your nipples begging for my attention. How rosy and flushed they must look after I’ve spent my time licking them, suckling them, playing with them. Would they be puffy, I wonder.”

A moan escaped both of their lips, their breaths ragged.

“I intend to cover every inch of you with love bites. Some hidden, secret treasures for the two of us. Others on your neck, the top of your breasts, so the world knows you’re mine and I’ve marked you forever.”

The possessive glint in his eyes left her reeling. Instinctively she reached for her core, rubbing herself over the fabric of her nightgown. His gaze wandered down, focused on her hand while speeding up the rhythm of his own movements.

“You deserve to be pleasured for hours… I think about it… tasting you... fucking you… burying my face in your cunt… how good you’ll feel when I fuck you with my tongue… your clit…” He groaned, his cock slick as he continued to work himself.

Aroused, excited, she closed her eyes, arching her body, stroking herself vigorously until she found the secret, sensitive nub that heightened everything even more. And she thought about Colin caressing her there, kissing her there, making love to her as he promised. His guttural groan rung in her ear, ecstasy rippling through her body when his wet fingers sidled up to her own to tease her clit, his cock brushing against it. The reality of his touch was so much more erotic than her own imagination. She was completely lost in madness, everything rushing to a head before culminating in a white-hot explosion in her mind.

The world was abliss.

Fire and light danced in her mind.

She was floating, floating, her body boneless, weightless. Most of her life was spent worrying about taking up too much space and now she felt light and airy. Unburdened.

Eyes still closed, she focused on the rhythm of her breaths. One… two… three… She counted them in her mind, clinging to this feeling so it could last forever. But then things slowly started coming into focus, reality taking shape to interrupt her happiness. Sensations burst through, drawing her mind to the world around her. Colin’s breaths, slowly retuning to normal. Wetness on her body, between her legs, sticky warmth pooled on her stomach, her chest. Friction from his cock sliding down her clit.  

And then emptiness.

Colin was no longer on top of her, his heavy, pleasant weight lifted from her body. An aching loneliness spread through her upon realizing he had left her alone on the bed.

It was bound to happen, this moment was never meant to last. The spell he was under had to break at some point. Maybe it was her own shameless, reckless behavior that expedited the return of his sanity. Once again, she would be relegated back to being just Pen.

She reminded herself this was for the best. Because Arthur-

“Look at me, Pen.”

Her eyes flew open, landing on Colin as he took a seat next to her. Clad in his breeches, his shirt bunched up in his hand, the sheer beauty of him stole her breath. It took all of her resolve not to stare at his broad shoulders, the soft, crinkling of hair spread across his chest. And then he shifted closer, startling her when he started to wipe her chest with his shirt because he had spilled his seed all over her body. “I like you like this. My cum on you, my clothing soaked in your wetness. It’s as it should be.”

His words made her blush. “You should leave, Colin.”

The haunted glint in his eyes returned immediately. “I can’t.” There was desperation in his voice as he lied down beside her, cupping her face. “Let me stay here tonight, Pen?”

“You know that can’t happen. If we were to be discovered-”

“I’ll leave before the sun rises. I swear it.” Distress marked his beautiful features, his eyes pleading with her. “I’m exhausted. I can’t sleep at all. Every time I close my eyes I think of you, I’m filled with anxiety at the thought of losing you… and maybe it’s foolish but if you were next to me, if I could hold you, smell you, maybe I could get some rest then. Please, Pen?”

She wanted to hold firm and insist that he leave, but her heart couldn’t handle the anguish he was in. “Only for tonight, this can not happen again. And you must leave before dawn breaks.”

Relief flooded over his face. He leaned forward to graze her temple, his lips gentle on her skin.

She hesitated, stiffening as he pulled her against his chest. His heated skin seemed to burn through her senses, overwhelming her with his close proximity. While a part of her yearned to wrap herself around him, place her head on his chest, listen to his heartbeat, embrace him fully, she reminded herself to hold back. This was a fantasy. This couldn’t last.

“I’ve dreamt about you sleeping next to me.” His voice was a hushed murmur, his eyes a soft, dreamy blue.

She covered his mouth with her palm. “Sleep, Colin. It’ll be dawn soon.”

The corner of his eyes crinkled when he smiled. He pulled her hand away, placing it over his heart. “Goodnight, Pen.”

Gathered in his arms, she stayed quiet as the minutes passed. Soon he was fast asleep, but she wasn’t as fortunate.

Guilt saturated her mind, refusing to give her a moment of peace.

She was angry with Colin, but mostly at herself. She had made the decision to marry Arthur, giving her a pathway to pursue other hopes and dreams, and with simply a few seductive words from Colin and her own selfishness, it all came tumbling down. She risked her carefully crafted future, because she couldn’t resist love.

She took a deep breath, her stomach coiled into knots.

Regardless of the consequences, Arthur needed to know the truth about what happened tonight. He deserved that at the very least, she had to be honest with him.

And then she had to come to terms with the fact that she had ruined her future.

To be continued...

[queen-haq]

Aw, thank you so much 💓

Fic: Never You (Polin) - Part 7

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 released scenes.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)

A03 link if that's more your jam

Chapter 7

“Show me,” Penelope spoke, her voice firm and determined. “Show me how much you want me.”

A mixture of surprise and uncertainty flitted across Colin’s face, causing her to wonder if she overstepped.

After their first conversation at the park since his return, he’d been a different man. Not at all the sweet, charming Colin that she’d grown up with, the one who didn’t see her as a woman, but someone who was unhinged and volatile. Obsessive in a way she had never seen him before, demanding things he had no right to. And the way he looked at her, touched her as if she belonged to him – she didn’t know how to wrap her mind around this change.

Except now there was hesitation on his face, and he reminded her of the Colin from before. Her childhood friend. And she wondered if this was the moment the spell over him would break. Would he finally realize the truth that he truly didn’t want her? That this strange fixation was only temporary? Her heart hurt at the thought, even though she knew rationally this was for the best for both herself and him. “This was a mistake. Please leave.”

She tried to walk past him but suddenly he gripped her hand from behind, his other arm sneaking around her waist to pull her against him. Her back flushed with his front, she trembled when he leaned into whisper in her ear. “Your scent is ingrained into my brain. You’re in my every thought, every fantasy. All I think about is you.”

His lips traced a line from her ear, down the length of her neck, inhaling her in, teasing her with his warm breath, whispering wicked, wicked things. Every nerve in her body was heightened with his one hand trailing down her body, the other cupping her right breast over her dressing robe.

Breath panting, she arched back, gripping his sides for support. “Colin…”.

“I’ve imagined your breasts, what they look like, what they feel like when I cup them.” The need in his voice was potent, shocking her, but it paled in comparison to when his fingers brushed against her nipple. She jumped in response but he held her firm, locking her in his arms. His breath grew labored. “How sweet you must taste, Pen.” His other hand drifted to between her legs, stroking her mound. “Your sweet, tight cunt, so needy for me, begging to be filled with my cock… “

It was all too much, she couldn’t take it. His hands caressing her, his mouth seducing her, she was a throbbing nerve of need and wanton desire. Nothing else mattered, except the thrilling sensation from his hands all over her body.

It wasn’t until she felt him start to untie her robe that some semblance of sense returned. Underneath the robe she was clad in her sleeping gown, free of any undergarments that would give her body a desirable shape. She would practically be naked. Naked. Her large breasts, her too-soft stomach and thighs, all exposed in front of him. Immediately, panic set in. She couldn’t do it, not with him, not when any sign of disappointment from him would destroy her. Using all her resolve she nudged his hands away and attempted to move – but he didn’t let her. Instead he whirled her around in his arms and pulled her in for a kiss.

His mouth closed over hers, silencing every thought in her brain.

There was urgency in his kiss, in his touch, lifting her up in his arms like she weighed nothing. And she couldn’t get enough of him, returning his frenzied kiss while he ravaged her. Her hands frantically unbuttoned his waistcoat, practically ripping it off so she could feel his shoulders, his back, his chest whilst his own squeezed her bottom, his hardness jutting against her stomach.

Suddenly he tore his mouth away, his breath panting, perched above her and she realized they were on her bed. Somehow he had carried her from the door to the bed while she’d been completely caught up in him. Heat coursed through her body at the stark desire etched on his face; his look of awe, as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world, made her head spin. His eyes were dark, so dark, almost brown, piercing through to her very soul, the rhythm of her heavy breaths matching his so they were both breathing in unison. A small voice in her head reminded her this was a terrible mistake, but then there was her heart. Her heart, that had loved him for so long and ached to be touched by him for as long as she could remember. Not just be touched, but also touch him in return. His hair, his lips, his body – everywhere.

Taking advantage of her position, she ran her fingers through his soft, tantalizing curls.

“That feels wonderful,” he sighed, closing his eyes.

“I’ve always wanted to do that.”

His eyes met hers. “Why didn’t you?”

“You know why.” Her fingers caressed the hair on the nape of his neck. “And I shouldn’t be doing this right now.”

“Wrong. You should do that and more.”

“You can not have your way with me, Colin.”

“And you should not be haunting my every thought, yet you do.”

Her voice was playful, toying with him. “I’m not responsible for the wicked thoughts in your mind.”

“But you are.” His eyes centered on her parted lips. “You’re a temptress, Penelope. In my dreams and out of them.”

“Have you really dreamt of me?”

“Every night this past week.”

He rubbed his body against hers, and a spark of lightning rushed through her blood. Like he’d set her body on fire. Her robe was undone but she didn’t want to cover herself this time, the intimacy of having him be so close to her heated core too enthralling to stop.

“I dream of your smile, your sweet laughter.” He nuzzled the top of her head. “Your fiery mane.”

“That doesn’t sound very tempting.”

“Then you don’t see what I see.” His eyes locked with hers. “Slow taunts, wicked barbs, seducing me with your mind before you begin your true, tender assault on me.”  

Her heart started drumming in her chest.

“When you finally touch me with your hands, your mouth, I’m at the brink of madness.”

It was difficult to breathe with him peering at her, his finger slowly tracing the contours of her face. “There are times I dream about pleasuring you. What you must taste like, what you must feel like when I’m inside you, how beautiful you must look when you come for me.”

Throat parched, she swallowed and glided her tongue over her lips. His gaze followed her every movement, a man enchanted. And he was still stiff, undeniable proof that he desired her. Her. Emboldened by his response, she reached up to cup his face. “I wonder how you look.”

He raised his eyebrow. “When I climax?”

Heat rose in her cheeks.

“Do you want to get me off, Penelope?”

“Would you want me to?”

“I’ve imagined your mouth on me a thousand times. And I’ve imagined devouring your cunt just as many.”

A thrill ran down her spine, both from nervousness and excitement. “Do you touch yourself when you think of me?”

“Yes.”

“Would you… show me?”

He raised his eyebrow. “Are you sure? I’m not sure you would find it enjoyable to watch.”

“I want to see you, Colin. All of you.”

Eyes darkened, he sat back on his knees. Positioned between her legs, he simply held still, studying her for a few seconds before he loosened his breeches and pulled them down. Her eyes followed his movements. She drew a sharp breath when he freed his erection, mesmerized by the sight. He was pink and thick, the length of his shaft beautiful in a way she’d never imagined before.

“I simply have to think of you and it’s enough to get me hard. Your luscious lips, your eyes glazed, looking at me, wanting me, the way you’re doing now.” Wrapping his fingers around his cock, he started to move his hand up and down his shaft. “I think about your full breasts, how soft they felt in my hands, how lush and beautiful they would be when you finally show them to me.”

She held his gaze, wetness pooling between her legs.

“I ache at the thought of your nipples begging for my attention. How rosy and flushed they must look after I’ve spent my time licking them, suckling them, playing with them. Would they be puffy, I wonder.”

A moan escaped both of their lips, their breaths ragged.

“I intend to cover every inch of you with love bites. Some hidden, secret treasures for the two of us. Others on your neck, the top of your breasts, so the world knows you’re mine and I’ve marked you forever.”

The possessive glint in his eyes left her reeling. Instinctively she reached for her core, rubbing herself over the fabric of her nightgown. His gaze wandered down, focused on her hand while speeding up the rhythm of his own movements.

“You deserve to be pleasured for hours… I think about it… tasting you... fucking you… burying my face in your cunt… how good you’ll feel when I fuck you with my tongue… your clit…” He groaned, his cock slick as he continued to work himself.

Aroused, excited, she closed her eyes, arching her body, stroking herself vigorously until she found the secret, sensitive nub that heightened everything even more. And she thought about Colin caressing her there, kissing her there, making love to her as he promised. His guttural groan rung in her ear, ecstasy rippling through her body when his wet fingers sidled up to her own to tease her clit, his cock brushing against it. The reality of his touch was so much more erotic than her own imagination. She was completely lost in madness, everything rushing to a head before culminating in a white-hot explosion in her mind.

The world was abliss.

Fire and light danced in her mind.

She was floating, floating, her body boneless, weightless. Most of her life was spent worrying about taking up too much space and now she felt light and airy. Unburdened.

Eyes still closed, she focused on the rhythm of her breaths. One… two… three… She counted them in her mind, clinging to this feeling so it could last forever. But then things slowly started coming into focus, reality taking shape to interrupt her happiness. Sensations burst through, drawing her mind to the world around her. Colin’s breaths, slowly retuning to normal. Wetness on her body, between her legs, sticky warmth pooled on her stomach, her chest. Friction from his cock sliding down her clit.  

And then emptiness.

Colin was no longer on top of her, his heavy, pleasant weight lifted from her body. An aching loneliness spread through her upon realizing he had left her alone on the bed.

It was bound to happen, this moment was never meant to last. The spell he was under had to break at some point. Maybe it was her own shameless, reckless behavior that expedited the return of his sanity. Once again, she would be relegated back to being just Pen.

She reminded herself this was for the best. Because Arthur-

“Look at me, Pen.”

Her eyes flew open, landing on Colin as he took a seat next to her. Clad in his breeches, his shirt bunched up in his hand, the sheer beauty of him stole her breath. It took all of her resolve not to stare at his broad shoulders, the soft, crinkling of hair spread across his chest. And then he shifted closer, startling her when he started to wipe her chest with his shirt because he had spilled his seed all over her body. “I like you like this. My cum on you, my clothing soaked in your wetness. It’s as it should be.”

His words made her blush. “You should leave, Colin.”

The haunted glint in his eyes returned immediately. “I can’t.” There was desperation in his voice as he lied down beside her, cupping her face. “Let me stay here tonight, Pen?”

“You know that can’t happen. If we were to be discovered-”

“I’ll leave before the sun rises. I swear it.” Distress marked his beautiful features, his eyes pleading with her. “I’m exhausted. I can’t sleep at all. Every time I close my eyes I think of you, I’m filled with anxiety at the thought of losing you… and maybe it’s foolish but if you were next to me, if I could hold you, smell you, maybe I could get some rest then. Please, Pen?”

She wanted to hold firm and insist that he leave, but her heart couldn’t handle the anguish he was in. “Only for tonight, this can not happen again. And you must leave before dawn breaks.”

Relief flooded over his face. He leaned forward to graze her temple, his lips gentle on her skin.

She hesitated, stiffening as he pulled her against his chest. His heated skin seemed to burn through her senses, overwhelming her with his close proximity. While a part of her yearned to wrap herself around him, place her head on his chest, listen to his heartbeat, embrace him fully, she reminded herself to hold back. This was a fantasy. This couldn’t last.

“I’ve dreamt about you sleeping next to me.” His voice was a hushed murmur, his eyes a soft, dreamy blue.

She covered his mouth with her palm. “Sleep, Colin. It’ll be dawn soon.”

The corner of his eyes crinkled when he smiled. He pulled her hand away, placing it over his heart. “Goodnight, Pen.”

Gathered in his arms, she stayed quiet as the minutes passed. Soon he was fast asleep, but she wasn’t as fortunate.

Guilt saturated her mind, refusing to give her a moment of peace.

She was angry with Colin, but mostly at herself. She had made the decision to marry Arthur, giving her a pathway to pursue other hopes and dreams, and with simply a few seductive words from Colin and her own selfishness, it all came tumbling down. She risked her carefully crafted future, because she couldn’t resist love.

She took a deep breath, her stomach coiled into knots.

Regardless of the consequences, Arthur needed to know the truth about what happened tonight. He deserved that at the very least, she had to be honest with him.

And then she had to come to terms with the fact that she had ruined her future.

To be continued...

[queen-haq]

Fic: Never You (Polin) - Part 7

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 released scenes.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)

A03 link if that's more your jam

Chapter 7

“Show me,” Penelope spoke, her voice firm and determined. “Show me how much you want me.”

A mixture of surprise and uncertainty flitted across Colin’s face, causing her to wonder if she overstepped.

After their first conversation at the park since his return, he’d been a different man. Not at all the sweet, charming Colin that she’d grown up with, the one who didn’t see her as a woman, but someone who was unhinged and volatile. Obsessive in a way she had never seen him before, demanding things he had no right to. And the way he looked at her, touched her as if she belonged to him – she didn’t know how to wrap her mind around this change.

Except now there was hesitation on his face, and he reminded her of the Colin from before. Her childhood friend. And she wondered if this was the moment the spell over him would break. Would he finally realize the truth that he truly didn’t want her? That this strange fixation was only temporary? Her heart hurt at the thought, even though she knew rationally this was for the best for both herself and him. “This was a mistake. Please leave.”

She tried to walk past him but suddenly he gripped her hand from behind, his other arm sneaking around her waist to pull her against him. Her back flushed with his front, she trembled when he leaned into whisper in her ear. “Your scent is ingrained into my brain. You’re in my every thought, every fantasy. All I think about is you.”

His lips traced a line from her ear, down the length of her neck, inhaling her in, teasing her with his warm breath, whispering wicked, wicked things. Every nerve in her body was heightened with his one hand trailing down her body, the other cupping her right breast over her dressing robe.

Breath panting, she arched back, gripping his sides for support. “Colin…”.

“I’ve imagined your breasts, what they look like, what they feel like when I cup them.” The need in his voice was potent, shocking her, but it paled in comparison to when his fingers brushed against her nipple. She jumped in response but he held her firm, locking her in his arms. His breath grew labored. “How sweet you must taste, Pen.” His other hand drifted to between her legs, stroking her mound. “Your sweet, tight cunt, so needy for me, begging to be filled with my cock… “

It was all too much, she couldn’t take it. His hands caressing her, his mouth seducing her, she was a throbbing nerve of need and wanton desire. Nothing else mattered, except the thrilling sensation from his hands all over her body.

It wasn’t until she felt him start to untie her robe that some semblance of sense returned. Underneath the robe she was clad in her sleeping gown, free of any undergarments that would give her body a desirable shape. She would practically be naked. Naked. Her large breasts, her too-soft stomach and thighs, all exposed in front of him. Immediately, panic set in. She couldn’t do it, not with him, not when any sign of disappointment from him would destroy her. Using all her resolve she nudged his hands away and attempted to move – but he didn’t let her. Instead he whirled her around in his arms and pulled her in for a kiss.

His mouth closed over hers, silencing every thought in her brain.

There was urgency in his kiss, in his touch, lifting her up in his arms like she weighed nothing. And she couldn’t get enough of him, returning his frenzied kiss while he ravaged her. Her hands frantically unbuttoned his waistcoat, practically ripping it off so she could feel his shoulders, his back, his chest whilst his own squeezed her bottom, his hardness jutting against her stomach.

Suddenly he tore his mouth away, his breath panting, perched above her and she realized they were on her bed. Somehow he had carried her from the door to the bed while she’d been completely caught up in him. Heat coursed through her body at the stark desire etched on his face; his look of awe, as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world, made her head spin. His eyes were dark, so dark, almost brown, piercing through to her very soul, the rhythm of her heavy breaths matching his so they were both breathing in unison. A small voice in her head reminded her this was a terrible mistake, but then there was her heart. Her heart, that had loved him for so long and ached to be touched by him for as long as she could remember. Not just be touched, but also touch him in return. His hair, his lips, his body – everywhere.

Taking advantage of her position, she ran her fingers through his soft, tantalizing curls.

“That feels wonderful,” he sighed, closing his eyes.

“I’ve always wanted to do that.”

His eyes met hers. “Why didn’t you?”

“You know why.” Her fingers caressed the hair on the nape of his neck. “And I shouldn’t be doing this right now.”

“Wrong. You should do that and more.”

“You can not have your way with me, Colin.”

“And you should not be haunting my every thought, yet you do.”

Her voice was playful, toying with him. “I’m not responsible for the wicked thoughts in your mind.”

“But you are.” His eyes centered on her parted lips. “You’re a temptress, Penelope. In my dreams and out of them.”

“Have you really dreamt of me?”

“Every night this past week.”

He rubbed his body against hers, and a spark of lightning rushed through her blood. Like he’d set her body on fire. Her robe was undone but she didn’t want to cover herself this time, the intimacy of having him be so close to her heated core too enthralling to stop.

“I dream of your smile, your sweet laughter.” He nuzzled the top of her head. “Your fiery mane.”

“That doesn’t sound very tempting.”

“Then you don’t see what I see.” His eyes locked with hers. “Slow taunts, wicked barbs, seducing me with your mind before you begin your true, tender assault on me.”  

Her heart started drumming in her chest.

“When you finally touch me with your hands, your mouth, I’m at the brink of madness.”

It was difficult to breathe with him peering at her, his finger slowly tracing the contours of her face. “There are times I dream about pleasuring you. What you must taste like, what you must feel like when I’m inside you, how beautiful you must look when you come for me.”

Throat parched, she swallowed and glided her tongue over her lips. His gaze followed her every movement, a man enchanted. And he was still stiff, undeniable proof that he desired her. Her. Emboldened by his response, she reached up to cup his face. “I wonder how you look.”

He raised his eyebrow. “When I climax?”

Heat rose in her cheeks.

“Do you want to get me off, Penelope?”

“Would you want me to?”

“I’ve imagined your mouth on me a thousand times. And I’ve imagined devouring your cunt just as many.”

A thrill ran down her spine, both from nervousness and excitement. “Do you touch yourself when you think of me?”

“Yes.”

“Would you… show me?”

He raised his eyebrow. “Are you sure? I’m not sure you would find it enjoyable to watch.”

“I want to see you, Colin. All of you.”

Eyes darkened, he sat back on his knees. Positioned between her legs, he simply held still, studying her for a few seconds before he loosened his breeches and pulled them down. Her eyes followed his movements. She drew a sharp breath when he freed his erection, mesmerized by the sight. He was pink and thick, the length of his shaft beautiful in a way she’d never imagined before.

“I simply have to think of you and it’s enough to get me hard. Your luscious lips, your eyes glazed, looking at me, wanting me, the way you’re doing now.” Wrapping his fingers around his cock, he started to move his hand up and down his shaft. “I think about your full breasts, how soft they felt in my hands, how lush and beautiful they would be when you finally show them to me.”

She held his gaze, wetness pooling between her legs.

“I ache at the thought of your nipples begging for my attention. How rosy and flushed they must look after I’ve spent my time licking them, suckling them, playing with them. Would they be puffy, I wonder.”

A moan escaped both of their lips, their breaths ragged.

“I intend to cover every inch of you with love bites. Some hidden, secret treasures for the two of us. Others on your neck, the top of your breasts, so the world knows you’re mine and I’ve marked you forever.”

The possessive glint in his eyes left her reeling. Instinctively she reached for her core, rubbing herself over the fabric of her nightgown. His gaze wandered down, focused on her hand while speeding up the rhythm of his own movements.

“You deserve to be pleasured for hours… I think about it… tasting you... fucking you… burying my face in your cunt… how good you’ll feel when I fuck you with my tongue… your clit…” He groaned, his cock slick as he continued to work himself.

Aroused, excited, she closed her eyes, arching her body, stroking herself vigorously until she found the secret, sensitive nub that heightened everything even more. And she thought about Colin caressing her there, kissing her there, making love to her as he promised. His guttural groan rung in her ear, ecstasy rippling through her body when his wet fingers sidled up to her own to tease her clit, his cock brushing against it. The reality of his touch was so much more erotic than her own imagination. She was completely lost in madness, everything rushing to a head before culminating in a white-hot explosion in her mind.

The world was abliss.

Fire and light danced in her mind.

She was floating, floating, her body boneless, weightless. Most of her life was spent worrying about taking up too much space and now she felt light and airy. Unburdened.

Eyes still closed, she focused on the rhythm of her breaths. One… two… three… She counted them in her mind, clinging to this feeling so it could last forever. But then things slowly started coming into focus, reality taking shape to interrupt her happiness. Sensations burst through, drawing her mind to the world around her. Colin’s breaths, slowly retuning to normal. Wetness on her body, between her legs, sticky warmth pooled on her stomach, her chest. Friction from his cock sliding down her clit.  

And then emptiness.

Colin was no longer on top of her, his heavy, pleasant weight lifted from her body. An aching loneliness spread through her upon realizing he had left her alone on the bed.

It was bound to happen, this moment was never meant to last. The spell he was under had to break at some point. Maybe it was her own shameless, reckless behavior that expedited the return of his sanity. Once again, she would be relegated back to being just Pen.

She reminded herself this was for the best. Because Arthur-

“Look at me, Pen.”

Her eyes flew open, landing on Colin as he took a seat next to her. Clad in his breeches, his shirt bunched up in his hand, the sheer beauty of him stole her breath. It took all of her resolve not to stare at his broad shoulders, the soft, crinkling of hair spread across his chest. And then he shifted closer, startling her when he started to wipe her chest with his shirt because he had spilled his seed all over her body. “I like you like this. My cum on you, my clothing soaked in your wetness. It’s as it should be.”

His words made her blush. “You should leave, Colin.”

The haunted glint in his eyes returned immediately. “I can’t.” There was desperation in his voice as he lied down beside her, cupping her face. “Let me stay here tonight, Pen?”

“You know that can’t happen. If we were to be discovered-”

“I’ll leave before the sun rises. I swear it.” Distress marked his beautiful features, his eyes pleading with her. “I’m exhausted. I can’t sleep at all. Every time I close my eyes I think of you, I’m filled with anxiety at the thought of losing you… and maybe it’s foolish but if you were next to me, if I could hold you, smell you, maybe I could get some rest then. Please, Pen?”

She wanted to hold firm and insist that he leave, but her heart couldn’t handle the anguish he was in. “Only for tonight, this can not happen again. And you must leave before dawn breaks.”

Relief flooded over his face. He leaned forward to graze her temple, his lips gentle on her skin.

She hesitated, stiffening as he pulled her against his chest. His heated skin seemed to burn through her senses, overwhelming her with his close proximity. While a part of her yearned to wrap herself around him, place her head on his chest, listen to his heartbeat, embrace him fully, she reminded herself to hold back. This was a fantasy. This couldn’t last.

“I’ve dreamt about you sleeping next to me.” His voice was a hushed murmur, his eyes a soft, dreamy blue.

She covered his mouth with her palm. “Sleep, Colin. It’ll be dawn soon.”

The corner of his eyes crinkled when he smiled. He pulled her hand away, placing it over his heart. “Goodnight, Pen.”

Gathered in his arms, she stayed quiet as the minutes passed. Soon he was fast asleep, but she wasn’t as fortunate.

Guilt saturated her mind, refusing to give her a moment of peace.

She was angry with Colin, but mostly at herself. She had made the decision to marry Arthur, giving her a pathway to pursue other hopes and dreams, and with simply a few seductive words from Colin and her own selfishness, it all came tumbling down. She risked her carefully crafted future, because she couldn’t resist love.

She took a deep breath, her stomach coiled into knots.

Regardless of the consequences, Arthur needed to know the truth about what happened tonight. He deserved that at the very least, she had to be honest with him.

And then she had to come to terms with the fact that she had ruined her future.

To be continued...

#polin #colin x penelope #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #penelope x colin #my fics

[queen-haq]

Eagerly waiting for the next part of GY! I love the way you write Billy and how your reader is never flat, she’s always felt like a full bodied character in her own right and I can always find myself rooting for her. Thank you for allowing us to be witness to your skillful writing!

You are so sweet, dear anon! Thank you so much for the lovely feedback and the generous comments about my Reader. I always try to give them "life" so they feel somewhat real.

I know I haven't posted a new chapter in a while, inspiration has been low. But I know me, it'll return eventually because I adore their dynamic. Please be patient with me 😀

#Gy feedback

[queen-haq]

LOVING YOUR POLIN FANFIC OKAY IT GAVE ME LIFE

Aw, that's so kind of you. Thank you 😊

#NU feedback

[queen-haq]

Fic: Never You (Polin) - Part 6

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 released scenes.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)

Chapter 6

Dearest Penny,

I hope this letter finds you well.

My journey home was perilous and took far too long. However, I did receive good news upon my arrival. Mother was awake in bed, the worst of her illness having passed recently. It will still take a few weeks but the doctor is confident she will recover fully. I have told her a lot about you. As I predicted, she is excited to meet you. 

I miss you. I remind myself it’s only a matter of time before we can start our new life together, full of adventure and laughter, but it still feels too long.

Once my affairs are settled, I will be traveling to London to see you. I know your Mama will not take kindly to me but I hope to win her over with my intelligence and wit (I’m envisioning the mocking smile on your lips as I write this).  If all else fails, I shall win her approval through jewelry, as you suggested. Hopefully that will alleviate her concerns about an untitled son-in-law.

Love,

Arthur.

Penelope read the letter again, smiling to herself. While she and Arthur could converse for hours, his letters tended to be short and to the point. And though they lacked a writer’s flair, his letters still felt distinctly like him and she appreciated that.

With other men she was shy and tongue-tied, and they were never interested in her anyway, but Arthur Debling had been different. At a dinner gathering in Ayleshire, it was he who had approached her, and once she got over her initial shyness the conversation flowed between them. Perhaps it was because he was a merchant and not a member of nobility, but from the very beginning he treated her with respect and a matter-of-fact stance rarely displayed by others. To him she wasn’t some woman in desperate hunt for a husband or an awkward, shy wallflower to be avoided at all times. She was Penelope Featherington and she was enough.

For the first few weeks there had been no romantic intentions, they simply talked of art and poetry. Over time she came to see he possessed a brilliant scientific mind that he went out of his way to hide. Only when she questioned him did he finally admit he was embarrassed of his intelligence and felt the need to dampen his curious mind from others. That was the first night she started to see him in a different light.

“Penelope!”

The sound of Mama's voice brought Penelope out of her reverie. After hiding the letter, she made her way toward her mother’s chamber in the opposite corner of the hallway. Portia was already dressed for bed and brushing her hair when Penelope entered the room. “Yes, Mama?”

The older woman cast her a quick glance in the mirror. “Lady Violet has invited us for tea tomorrow afternoon.”

Pen paused. Tea at the Bridgertons meant seeing Eloise and perhaps even Colin. “I will be in-”

“And before you come down with a sudden case of illness, I will remind you that personal invitations of this nature have been rare of late. We can not afford to turn down any, let alone the Bridgertons.”

Between the Marina scandal and then Cousin Jack, there were many who no longer wished to associate with the Featheringtons. While that was a relief for Pen, she knew the slow exclusion really hurt Portia even if she did hide the pain behind a mask of angry condescension.

“Yes, Mama. I understand.”

“Good. Now get some sleep, child. I will not have you looking haggard tomorrow.”

Penelope sauntered back to her chamber, her mind still reeling. No doubt Eloise would be present and angry with her. Would she at least pretend to be polite? Pen didn’t know. So far they had mostly avoided each other, except for the ball last week when Eloise had warned her to stay away from Colin.

After entering the chamber, she was busy locking the door when a noise startled her.

“Pen.”

Colin’s throaty growl made her gasp, her body suddenly taut.

Hesitant, she turned around.

It had been two days since she last saw him at the park. And now he was here in her chamber, shamelessly sitting at the edge of her bed. Hair tousled, clothes messy and disheveled, he stared at her intently. His face was unshaven, revealing a stubble growth of a day or two. Instead of taking away from his looks, however, it only emphasized his handsomeness more.  

Her heart started pounding in her chest, both from the anger that flooded through her veins and the knowledge that his hold upon her was still so potent. “How did you get in here?” she asked, keeping her voice steady so he couldn’t sense how much his presence unnerved her.

“I climbed up the tree and through the window.”

As if violating her privacy was a daily occurrence for him.

“You’re so very determined to ruin me, aren’t you?”

“I was careful. No one saw me.”

“Well, that makes it alright then.”

“I didn’t take you as the sarcastic sort, Pen.”

“Add it to the growing list of things you don’t know about me.”

He didn’t respond, his eyes locked with hers.

The silence between them grew more tense by the second while they held still, as if a single movement could ignite a fire that would burn them both.

And then he stood up. “Do you know why I’m here, Pen?”

There was a button missing from his waistcoat, dirt on his breeches, and he had never looked more beautiful than he did at that moment. Her heart flipflopped in her chest. “I don’t care. I simply want you to leave.”

A bitter smile shadowed his lips. “Because it’s that easy for you, isn’t it? You’ve moved on already.”

“Yes.” The strength in her voice surprised even her when all she felt was anxiety twisting up her insides. “It’s time you do the same.”

“Don’t you think I’ve tried? That I’ve been trying?” Anger laced his words, hurt etched onto his face. “You don’t want to have anything to do with me yet I can’t imagine a single moment of my life without you. Why is that, Pen?”

With a slow and deliberate gait, he swaggered forward.

“Why can’t I stop thinking about you? Your voice, your smile, your taunts...” He tapped the side of his temple erratically, eyes heavy with emotion. “Always in my fucking mind, refusing to give me even one moment of peace. You’ve been torturing me!"

With every step that drew him closer, waves of madness surged through her body. She didn’t want to feel like this, like her mind and body were completely out of her control.

“Why is this happening to me, Pen?” His voice cracked. “Why do I feel this way?” He clutched his heart, his long, lean fingers rubbing the spot over his waistcoat repeatedly. “It didn’t used to be like this, I was fine before! But now I think about you leaving me and it’s like I can’t breathe. Like a part of me will be lost forever.”

Her eyes softened. The man standing in front of her wasn’t the one who broke her heart. In his place was her dear friend, the boy she had known her entire life and loved for as long, and he was pleading for her help. “That empty feeling will go away, Colin. I promise.” She took a furtive step toward him. “You’ve only just returned, your life probably feels untethered with everything changing around you. But give it time, let yourself settle in, and things will be better.”

He stopped in his tracks. “Nothing will ever be the same without you.”

“It will, I promise.” She sent him a sad smile. “You will meet someone beautiful and kind, and she will be everything you ever wanted. The true love of your life. And this sadness that you feel right now will become a distant memory.”

A beat of silence followed as he contemplated her words.

Would the agonizing pain that coursed through her at the thought of him with another woman ever lessen? She didn’t know. Maybe with time and distance she would be free of this curse, but for now he was still very much embedded in her soul and the eventual reality of him falling in love made her want to retch.

“Is that what you think will happen for you, Pen? You’ll marry this Arthur and make me a distant memory?”

There was no outward change in him yet she immediately sensed the shift within.

He cocked his eyebrow. “Do you think I will let that happen?”

She stared at him defiantly as he approached her. “You have no say in my life.”

“But I do, Pen.” The glint in his gaze sharpened, making his blue eyes appear even darker. “Because it’s me you’re in love with. It’s me you swore never to forsake.” He came to a stop in front of her, forcing her to look up at him. “I intend to hold you to that.”

Her anger returned. “And I intend to fight you. Because I will not sacrifice my future to appease your selfishness.”

“I know,” he sighed, regret looming over his face. “I should never have asked you to do that. But that’s why I’m here, Pen. I want to make things right between us.”

Her demand to know how died on her lips as soon as he retrieved something out of the pocket of his waistcoat. Stunned, she stood frozen as he held out an emerald ring, one she recognized right away from having seen Lady Violet wear it occasionally. 

“My father gifted this to my mother on their tenth anniversary.” There was reverence in his voice as he spoke. “I think he chose it especially for the colour. It’s remarkable, isn’t it?”

She swallowed, nodding. “Yes, it’s beautiful.”

“This has always been my favourite of mother’s jewelry. I knew one day I would gift it to my wife.”

Her mind went blank.

“And maybe now is that time.” He bent down on one knee in front of her, holding up the ring. “Will you marry me, Penelope Featherington?”

Time stopped.

For so long all she wanted was to be Colin’s wife. In her mind marrying him meant she would finally be happy and fulfilled. He would be the perfect husband, and she would be a member of the happy and loving Bridgerton family at last. All her dreams would finally be realized.

Except she wasn’t happy or even excited. The man she loved was on his knees, proposing to her, and all she could think about was how wrong it all felt. The proposal didn’t come from a place of love. No. Instead it was borne out of fear and a stubborn refusal to grow up. A last resort so he didn’t have to face losing their friendship.

Then there was Arthur. With him she didn’t have to hide, she could be who she truly was and not have to apologize for it. And she could continue to write, whether that be as Lady Whistledown, someone new or even herself, and do so without shame or regret.

Colin may have been her lifelong dream but that didn’t mean she couldn’t have new ones. And with Arthur, the life she wanted was within her grasp. A true possibility rather than simple fantasy.

Immediately she felt a sense of peace, knowing she was doing the right thing for herself.  “I’ve already said this to you before. I’m betrothed to another.”

In one fluid motion he slid the ring back into his pocket before rising to his full height. He had always towered over her but that had never intimidated her before. For the first time she felt a small twinge of fear percolating in her stomach, realizing the stark darkness on his face was also new.

He was quiet, too quiet, stalking her every move with his eyes, slowly pushing forward. A predator enjoying the rituals of the hunt, preparing his prey for the kill. Instinctively she retreated, moving back until the door lodged against her spine. He continued to move in, slowly but ferociously, invading every inch of her space until he was standing directly in front of her. She craned her neck to meet his stare, refusing to bow down.

“Is that a no, Penelope?”

She couldn’t think with him so close but she held strong. "Yes."

“Even though you’re in love with me and not fucking Arthur.” 

Maybe he thought throwing her love back in her face would embarrass her into submission but it had the opposite effect. Infuriated, she stood on her tiptoes to glare up at him. "So what? You think you can use my feelings to manipulate me?" She shook her head no. "I have dreams that matter to me far more than my love for you. And I will not jeopardize my chance to achieve them just for scraps of your attention."

Her words were meant to provoke his temper so he would withdraw. Instead his eyes softened as he hunched lower to look at her, his gaze roaming languidly over her face, a gentleness to them that made her insides dance with anticipation. She trembled when his hands cupped her cheeks while he studied every inch of her features, as if marking her in his memory. And then his thumb gently brushed over her pout, his dark blue eyes following the tremor of her lips, and all she could do was breathe slowly, tentatively, her heart drumming in her chest.

“I used to think you were the sweetest person I knew. Always so kind and agreeable,” he murmured, more to himself than her. “And easily forgotten.”

It hurt. Even though she had always known that that’s how people viewed her, if they bothered to see her at all - but to have him admit it was a different kind of pain. “Then forget me. Leave.”

He didn’t move, his gaze concentrated on her lips, thumb stroking left to right, right to left. “And now I can’t get this impertinent mouth of yours out of my head.”

It came as a shock when she realized Colin was hard, his erection pressed against her body. "You're aroused."

He met her eyes. “I’m aware.”

She swallowed audibly. “Why?”

Irritation surged through him. “You’re here, dressed in a robe with your beautiful hair down, talking to me, arguing with me, breathing around me, and you ask me why I’m aroused?” His hands slid down her body until they were at her waist, fingers curving into her sides as he pressed her tightly against him.

A faint gasp escaped her lips feeling his hardness.

“I want you, Pen,” was his raw, throaty plea. “I can’t stop.”

“Show me.” Her voice was firm, determined. “Show me how much you want me.”

To be contined...

A/N - Thank you for the support on this fic. Hope you're still enjoying it!

#polin #colin x penelope #penelope x colin #bridgerton #my fics

[queen-haq]

lol thank you, hun! I'm happy you're reading the fic :)

Fic: Never You (Penelope x Colin) - Part 5

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 released scenes.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)

Part 5

“Open the door this instant, Penelope!”

Hearing the banging on her door and her mama’s voice yelling from the other side, Penelope quickly put away her writing materials. The newest Lady Whistledown column sheet was almost ready. She had planned to complete it while Prudence and Portia were busy entertaining callers this afternoon only to be interrupted repeatedly. Irritated, she walked to the door and opened it, allowing Portia Featherington to barge in.

In her mother’s hands was a lovely bouquet of lilies which Portia placed on the nearby desk.

“The Bridgerton boy is here.” There was no mirth on Portia’s face, her striking eyes gleaming as she confronted Pen.

“Is he?”

“Which, I know, you’re already aware of because Mrs. Varley came up here to inform you.”

Pen kept her mouth shut.

“Is there a reason you turned down his invitation for a promenade?”

“I don’t feel well.”

“Not good enough, Penelope! When a gentleman comes to call on you, you must always say yes!”

“Even on our deathbeds,” Pen muttered under her breath.

“Yes, even then,” Portia retaliated. “Martha!” She screamed, calling for Penelope’s maid. “Wear something suitable for your walk with that boy. There will be others who see you in the park.”

“I thought he left?”

“Fortunately, he did not.”

“Mama, he’s not courting me. We’re just friends. You know that, right?”

“It doesn’t matter. He’s a Bridgerton. Where he leads, others will follow and that is the only thing working in your favour in your advanced age.”

And with that statement Portia stormed out, leaving Pen alone with Martha in her chamber.

“These flowers are beautiful, Miss. I’ll put them in water.”

Pen watched as Martha busied herself with the vibrant, varying colors of the bouquet. In one of their letters she had mentioned to Colin about her newfound appreciation of lilies, and apparently he had kept that in mind.

“Shall I fetch the orange dress for you, Miss?” Martha asked, returning to her.

“No, the pale green one please. And the matching shawl.”

As Martha scurried about, Pen took a deep breath to calm her nerves.

***

Penelope exited her home and headed down the stairs, Martha following behind her. Her mother was watching them through the window, taking note of everything going on, and Pen didn’t want to give her mama anything new to harp about. Colin, of course, was using her reticence to his full advantage. He stood on the sidewalk, a wicked smirk on his face, looking more handsome than any gentleman had a right to. Pen ignored the flutter of butterflies in her stomach, reminding herself how angry she was at him. What she wanted to do was take him to task for calling on her when she repeatedly asked him not to. Instead, she was forced to greet him with a stiff smile.

“Mr. Bridgerton,” she said coldly, stopping in front of him.

His smirk transitioned into a full smile. “Pen,” he said with a deliberate languid drawl, trying to goad her no doubt.

“Mama is at the window.”

“I’m aware.” Colin’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “Shall we promenade?”

Penelope glanced over her shoulder and found her mother watching her like a hawk. She turned back to Colin. “Forcing me into this wasn’t very gentlemanly of you.”

He quirked his eyebrow. “Perhaps I’m no longer a gentleman.”

“Maybe you never were.”

She wanted to offend him but he seemed impervious to her taunts, instead offering her his arm for their walk together. Aggravated, she ignored him and started down the path by herself. Within seconds he was next to her, his long strides now matching her own pace, with Martha following behind them.   

“Did you like the lilies?” Colin asked.

“I did not.”

He simply smiled. “That’s unfortunate. Maybe I’ll bring roses in the future.”

“Absolutely not!” she huffed. “Mama will get the wrong idea.”

“We are friends, Penelope,” he reminded her. “Friends give each other gifts. We’ve exchanged them in the past.”

“Never in front of Mama!”

“And I’ve visited you before,” he insisted.

“No, you haven’t. We’ve always only spoken at your home or social gatherings. In fact the only other time you came with flowers was to call on Marina.” The grimace on his face made her heart squeeze with envy. Even after all this time simply saying her cousin’s name evoked such a strong reaction in him. But as much as the idea of him still harboring feelings for Marina hurt, she wasn’t going to let pain distract from her focus. “I can’t have you encouraging foolish ideas in Mama’s head.”

He clenched his jaw, agitated. “Is this really about Lady Portia or are you worried your mystery suitor will get jealous?”

She stopped midstride, turning to level him with a hostile glare. “He knows there’s nothing between you and me.”

Colin took a step towards her. The blues of his eyes darkened, blazing with emotion. “Even after last night?” His voice was a throaty murmur, his words only meant for her ears.

Her heart quickened, His gaze drifted down to her lips, pausing momentarily, as if he was remembering touching her, the feel of his hot mouth on her skin. And then his sight travelled lower, to where he licked and kissed her chest, and the lovebites he left on her breasts that she had to scrupulously hide behind a scarf this morning lest her mother noticed. The way he was looking at her set her body on fire, she felt it intimately between her legs.

They were surrounded by people, yet it felt like it was only the two of them. As she found herself drowning in the depth of his eyes, the world ceased to exist.

And then the image of his panic-stricken expression flashed through her mind, reminding her of how horrified he was after kissing her.

Instantly she pulled away, turning away from him. She started walking faster, trying to regain her composure in the few short seconds it took for Colin to catch up to her.

“You can’t pretend it didn’t happen, Pen.”

“You’re right, I can’t. But that doesn’t mean I’ll allow a moment of foolishness to sway me from what’s important.”

“I know you. You wouldn’t have kissed me that way if you really loved someone else.”.

It was the conceit in his words that infuriated her. “Is that so, Colin?” She turned to confront him. “Didn’t you proudly claim to have flirted with half the women in London? I’m sure you’ kissed many of them. Will you stand there and tell me you cared for all of them? That all those ladies held a special place in your heart? Or will you be honest and admit a kiss can just be a kiss without it meaning anything?”

His eyes narrowed onto her. “Do you expect me to believe our kiss meant nothing to you?”

“Don’t treat me like a naïve debutante, Colin. I’m fully aware passion can exist without love.”

“But that wouldn’t be true for us, would it?” He didn’t move, yet it felt like his body swayed closer, encroaching on her personal space, making it impossible for her to think. Even breathe. “Because there is love between us. There always has been.”

Her heart pounded in her chest. For so long she’d yearned for his love, ached for it. Over the years there were so many times she thought herself a fool for even thinking he could love her. But then he would seek her out in a crowd to dance with her, they would talk about things they dare not discuss with others, and the hope in her heart would bloom despite her insecurities. Just like it did now. “Speak clearly, Colin. Do you love me?”

“Of course I love you. I’ve loved you since we were children. You’re my dearest friend.”

“But are you in love with me?”

“Are you?”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. There were children playing in the park, families around them talking and laughing. Yet all she felt was Colin’s piercing gaze tear through her, the air thick with tension as the minutes ticked by. “Yes. Even though I desperately wish I wasn’t.”

His face ran the whole gamut of emotions, from utter shock to panic to fear. “I… Pen…”

“You’re not in love with me,” she stated matter-of-factly.

“No.”

His response didn’t come as a surprise, she had always known the truth. And despite the pain that wracked through her, she felt relief. Because she would no longer have to wonder. Now there was certainty and it brought with it a strong desire to move on.

There was much trepidation in his voice as he spoke next. “I’m sorry if I-”

“There’s no need to apologize.” Her voice was calm, steady. “You haven’t done anything wrong.” She glanced behind him, her eyes absently taking in the view behind. “We can’t help who we love.” There was a numbness that slowly spread through her, enveloping her heart, her very being.

“I care for you, Pen. And I know you, you’re kind and sweet and want to see the best in people. Which is why I’m worried-.”

“You don’t know me,” she replied, snapping out of her daze.  His face came back into focus, along with the rest of the world. “Not really. You’ve only seen certain facets, parts that I’ve chosen to show. I’ve always been so worried about what others would think, of being palatable to my family, to you and Eloise, to society… and for what? What was even the point?” She started pacing, her mind reeling.

As much as she aspired to be good, she could never fully commit to it. Lady Whistledown was borne from the part of her that wanted retribution against the ton for always ignoring her. In the clear light of day she was voiceless and unwanted, but in the shadows was where she thrived, where her words meant something and she had value and control. There was a time when she used to think the different parts of her could coexist and she could still be more good than bad, but Eloise’s words during their last argument proved otherwise.

“What are you talking about?” He blocked her path, forcing her to look up at him. A confused expression marked his beautiful face. ”I’ve always known who you are.”

She peered up at him. Everything he said about her – kind and sweet and only seeing the best in people – was actually true of Colin himself. He deserved someone who was equally beautiful and kind, and that would never be her.   “You’ve been a good friend, to me and my family. And I appreciate your concern but I can look out for myself. Arthur is a good man-”

“Arthur?” The sudden vitriol in Colin’s voice was sharp. “Arthur what?”

“That’s not important,” she said dismissively. “What matters is you no longer have to worry about me, Colin. I absolve you of that responsibility.”

“You do, do you?” Anger laced his voice, his eyes growing dark with contempt. “Because of this Arthur?” He took a step forward, crowding her, the proximity between them so close that she could feel his breath humming her skin, could almost feel the touch of his fingers against her gloves. “Tell me, Penelope, does he know you?  Did you show him all the parts of you that you claim to have kept hidden from the rest of us?”

Irritation surged through her at his mocking tone, but she reminded herself to be patient. “He understands me better than most.”

“A man you’ve known for mere months?” Colin’s eyes glistened with fury. “Why does he get that privilege? What has he done to earn your trust so easily?”

The hate in his voice took her by surprise. “Why are you behaving this way, Colin? I thought you would be happy for me.”

Jaw clenched, anger masking his features, his eyes roamed over her face. “You expect me to live a life without you in it and be happy about it?”

“So what should I do, be a spinster for the rest of my life to appease you? Do you not see how selfish that is?”

“I don’t give a damn!”

Penelope noticed the glances thrown in their direction, the look of concern in Martha’s face. Even though Colin hadn’t raised his voice, the tension on his face made it clear they were having an argument. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm him down. “This isn’t who you are, Colin.”

“Isn’t it? Maybe it’s you who doesn’t know me.” He dipped his head lower, his eyes smoldering with rage. “Maybe I’ve always been unreasonable and selfish. Maybe I’m willing to do whatever it takes to protect the people who matter to me.”

She didn’t know if the threat in his voice was deliberately meant to scare her but it elicited the opposite reaction, provoking her anger. “You’re not my guardian or my protector. I’m not your responsibility. I don’t need anything from you.”

Instead of backing off, his voice grew more determined. “You don’t have a choice in this matter, Penelope. I will not lose you.”

“Except I’m not yours to lose. I do not belong to you. You don’t get to make demands on me when you don’t even love me,” she reminded him coldly. “I will marry the man I choose and live the life I want. And it’s you who has no say in that matter.”

Feeling strongly in her resolve, she turned and walked away.

To be continued...

A/N - Thank you for reading. If you have the time, I'd love to read your feedback!

[queen-haq]

Stunning work 👏

Some quick polin because yes , we’re excited 😊

[queen-haq]

While waiting for GY new chapter I gathered all my courage and read AWR. After AWS I wanted them to stay in this bubble, didn’t want them to go through tragedy anymore. OMG 🙈. I am addicted. How do you manage to write the characters the way that you want to punch them in the face and then to cradle? My heart sinked so many times! But still this is sooo addictive that you just cannot stop reading. Thank you for beautinful fics. Honestly I love them!

Aw, thank you for giving it a chance despite your hesitations. I completely understand why you didn't want to read it but I appreciate that you did!

I'm lucky to have supportive readers like you 💖 💕 💗

#Awr feedback