raksha-bhediya
the river's daughter
now this is the law of the jungle, as old and as true as the sky,
and the wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the wolf that shall break it must die.
as the creeper that girdles the tree trunk, the law runneth forward and back;
for the strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack.
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Raksha was not trying to quit.
At least, she didn't think that was what she was doing. Honestly, she had no idea what she was doing, because there was nothing she could do to help her son. That meant that every other pillar of her life was crumbling down around her. Dhaumya was all she had left. Without him--
No, no. She couldn't think like that. She had to claw her way out of this. Find some way forward.
And that involved keeping her job because when she did find a way to save Dhaumya, she was going to need the money.
Her lip trembled again at Remy's kindness, the way he immediately started shuffling things about. Trying to make it work. She didn't really consider herself that good of an employee. And, especially now, she was more of a risk than an asset.
"I--I--" Raksha started but she couldn't help herself. She began to cry. She was so exhausted, she didn't know what else to do but cry. "I'm sorry. I-I am not someone who cries." Really, she wasn't. Even if she had cried twice in front of him in the time they knew each other.
"I just...thank you. You are far too kind."
@let-remy-cook
A Heartfelt Apology *O* [Remsha]
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rust!!
Raksha & Buster
“I have your name as my emergency phone call”
We’re all just walking each other home
You are strong enough to face it all, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
@raksha-bhediya
@busterstrouble
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Raksha rolled her eyes, happy to keep teasing. Of course, no self respecting woman would hook up with a guy on his couch! Well, okay, maybe, but he should have a bed as an option. And proper silverware to eat off of! Otherwise, it was very much giving serial killer vibes, if she was honest.
But, the mood turned more melancholy at Buster's admittance about his family. The plans he had had for this house and his life. She understood that. Her home had always bustled with life too. That was why she loved the Inn, with Scott and Pepper. Even if Scott was skittish. She was still glad that she wasn't alone at the house. She didn't know what she would do if that was the case...
So, she felt for Buster. She understood.
"You still deserve a home, Buster," she said, softening. "Everyone deserves that. And you will find new friends, new family, to fill it with. You already have. Me and Dhaumya, hm?"
@busterstrouble
Paper Plates *O* [Rust]
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The reassurance was only minor, because Raksha knew she'd made the right decision. The problem was that she was going to have to make that decision again and again now. It was much more clear to her that Dhaumya was not getting better. Paul had said as much, but Raksha was stubborn. She hadn't wanted to believe it.
But now, she needed to accept it.
And she knew it meant that all her priorities had shifted. She was so worried, she barely wanted to leave Dhaumya's side. It was going to make her anxious and frantic at work. She was going to miss things, she was going to mess up. She was going to not be a good employee.
Her head nodded a little, but she did not look up at Remy. She took a deep breath.
"I-I don't know...how reliable I am going to be," she admitted, very quietly. If Remy fired her, she didn't know what she was going to do.
@let-remy-cook
A Heartfelt Apology *O* [Remsha]
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tired of science and love being poised as opposites or science being painted as cold/unfeeling there is literally nothing more loving than wanting to understand something
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Photo
SIMONE ASHLEY
photographed by Christina Ebenezer
for Elle Magazine (April 2022)
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Raksha fixed Buster with a disapproving look at the curse. Even if English was not either of their first languages, that wasn't the sort of thing she wanted Dhaumya to learn. But, Dhaumya was fixated on his juice and take out. Even if it was just to push his food around on his plate. (He hadn't had much of an appetite as of late.)
"I know I'm not wrong," she told him primly, taking a bite of her dinner with a little smile.
"What are you going to do if you bring someone whose not me over, hm?" She was implying a someone, not just a friend. Though, she had a feeling that wasn't exactly a priority for him. Still! He never knew. And this place would make anyone run for the hills.
Even she was contemplating it.
"Not to mention--it just feels so cold. Doesn't it feel cold to you? This isn't a home. It's just four walls."
@busterstrouble
Paper Plates *O* [Rust]
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Raksha smiled at Babette's words. Ah, food. How it brought everyone together. She had never been much of a cook, by why would she need to be? When she was surrounded by her mother and her aunties and uncles and sisters-in-law who all loved to cook. Her brother, Suraj, was the best of them.
Oh, how she missed his Aloo Parathas.
And she smiled even more as she watched Babette fight a smile whilst thinking about Tibbs. How sweet new love was, Raksha could almost smell it beneath the heavy scent of warming food. She missed that feeling. Just as much as she missed the warm, safe feeling of having loved someone a long, long time.
Her smile softened, but did not disappear when the question was turned back on her.
"Oh, no," Raksha shook her head a little. She hesitated here, because she did not talk about Rama. But, not talking about him felt worse. She did not want to hide his memory.
"My husband, Dhaumya's father, he died two years ago. I'm not sure when or if I'll ever be ready. He was too wonderful. I don't know if anyone will ever be able to steal my heart the way he did, but I am sure...well, he would not want me to say no if someone did. He was much more of a romantic than me."
@babettexdurand
Reaching Out | Babette & Raksha
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Raksha didn't have it in her to argue with the offer for a chair. She moved over and collapsed into it, feeling all her strings cut at once. Though, in reality, she knew she should sit properly, if only because curling up like this in the comfort of Remy's office, with delicious smelling food cooking in the other room made her want to go to sleep. If she was asleep she could pretend she was not in England.
If she were asleep, she could be at home. With Rama's arms around her. She could pretend none of this was happening.
Instead, she must stay awake and live through losing her other child.
She didn't know if she could.
Before she could help it, her lip trembled and she only just managed to pull back her exhausted, terrified tears.
"I-I'm sorry, you are right. It just--it's, uhm, a recent diagnosis. And--he's--he's struggling."
And there is nothing I can do.
@let-remy-cook
A Heartfelt Apology *O* [Remsha]
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Athena Nassar, from "Love Is Not Always Song, but the Swelling"
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Joan Didion, writing about the shock that followed after the death of her husband, John.
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"you need to let it go" that would be really cool, unfortunately I'll take it with me to the grave
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Raksha Nithya Bhediya: January 2024-March 2024
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