rozenkoffie

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I want to be taken by the night and never leave it’s side again. the empty void can only be filled by more nothingness.

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6.11.23

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"i grieve for the life I once had" - sorrowful mosaic by km

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the vintage series, pt. 2

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Quote via a submission sent to @geloyconcepcion

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I do not remember my childhood trauma.

I only know it exists from mental scars and odd behaviours I have adopted. Sometimes I am thankful for the lost memories. Other times I wish I could justify how I feel, that I still bore the physical wounds to prove it happened.

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Poem about getting older but not wiser

i have watched many moons and grown dumber.

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I wish I had taken pictures. I wish I had saved the videos. I wish I didn’t destroy everything I had back then, everything that would’ve showed me who I was and what roads I’ve traveled.

I don’t remember the past all that well. I don’t remember yesterday all that well either. I think that maybe it’s better this way. But I wish I had the pictures, just to show me that it was real. I wish I had the videos so that I could stop forgetting their voices. I suppose I wish I had a lot of things.

I don’t miss my past. I can’t imagine missing my past. It was a vile place for a child. It was violent and terrifying. It has never been a refuge. But I do miss my memories. I wish I could see what teenage me saw as they walked Hollywood Boulevard alone in the middle of the night. And I wish I could hear what teenage me heard as they were being thrashed around a garage show mosh pit. But most of all, I wish I could feel what it felt like to be someone that wasn’t me.

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childhood friends are like runaway cats. you can keep hanging up the missing poster, but they’re not going to come back.

@/buckykingofmemes / after the movie, marie howe / homestuck^2, page 109 / it's a risk, it's a gamble, nondz / angela deane / smoke signals, phoebe bridges / waiting room demo, phoebe bridgers / euphoria 01x01 / @/lesdemonium / fleabag 02x04

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“It lives in me - this fear of not doing enough, of not being enough, of being an impostor. Of being someone who needs others instead of being someone others need. It’s blue paint splattered on the wall when it used to be red. It’s an ocean roaring white, waves crashing against the shore and taking away what’s always been there. I’d give it everything, you know, I’d give you my all. But these days I’m not sure that’s enough anymore. These days I’m not sure you’ve ever seen me the way I do when I stare at myself in the mirror. With the scratches and bruises and colour chipped off at the edges. I wonder why you keep me small when you should make me feel taller than the highest mountain. Maybe that’s because it’s exactly what I expected when my fingers brushed yours for the first time. Maybe that’s because this is what I’ve always settled for - someone else who makes me feel less so I don’t have to do it myself.”

— make me feel less / n.j.

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My 20's are moving too fast. Everybody's so grown up now, and we all sit and talk about how life seemed to move so much slower when we were kids, lord how the world was so much bigger, and brighter back then. I've spent the last few years wondering why I think I figured it out tonight at the intersection where that kind old blind man sells his handcrafted birdhouses.

It rained all day. The roads are wet, and glowing. The stoplight illuminated the traffic lines and for a split second I swear I was 14. In the back of my moms old dodge. But then the light turned green, and I'm 22 again. Driving home from the grocery store.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, the world wasn't bigger. Or brighter. It didn't move any slower. We just had so much more time to stop and appreciate the rain.

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For old times sake is actually such a heartbreaking and beautiful sentiment. Like, let’s do it for the love that used to be here. It is reason enough.

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i am holding my loneliness and she is a teenage girl with puffy eyes, and i love her more than i have ever loved anyone

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i think i was born wrong. faulty, incomplete. something is inherently wrong with me, and i’m not sure if anything can fix me

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Bpd anger is a whole other fucking feeling.

I swear to fucking god. It literally makes me want to tear everything apart, tear it all down. It’s fucking killer. The constant switching between intense anger and drowning despair and sadness and depression is fucking killing me it's a constant cycle in less than a fucking hour less than fucking 30 minutes less than 15 I just can't I fucking can't. It makes me want to surrender myself to it. To let it overcome me. Just blind rage. And god help anyone who gets in my fucking way.

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the saying you cant miss what you never had is so insane to me.... like um actually i am always missing what i never had. theres so much missing... i miss everything

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#lithuania #hill of crosses #crosses #cross #winter #photography #places