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like maggots that writhe in rotten food, i am obsessed with you.

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Heyyy J! You don't have to answer this, it's just for you to see. But I wanted to share this poem I think you might like, sorry if I'm wrong 🤡. You may have seen it already, so if you have here it is again haahahahah:

"Salt" by Salma Deera.

in front of my mother and my sisters,

i pretend love is cheap and vulgar.

i act like it’s a sin–

i pretend that love is for women on a dark path.

but at night i dream of a love so heavy

it makes my spine throb–

i dream up a lover who makes love like he is separating salt from water

I LOVE the "a lover who makes love like he is separating salt from water" like so dramatic I love it. Idk what brought you here and sharing this with me but thanks! Here's a poem back, I hope it fits your style;

...

Yet I cast myself on you,

closing my eyes

as I leap

and then opening them wide

as I land

love is plunging into darkness

toward

a place that may exist

– Marge Piercy; “Night Flight”

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it’s funny isn’t it, that the thought of you still crosses my mind everyday. everything you ever did and everything you ever said plagues my entire existence. you, who i never loved - like you wished me too, still lives on my mind like a parasite. what is it about our short months that makes me insane. don’t tell me that i am now in love with you. or i am obsessed. because i miss you so. i just miss having you as mine. i miss knowing you were dangerously besotted with me. and i wonder if i cross your mind or perhaps i am mere embers in the back of your mind.

#teenagers #love notes to no one #seriously though #lol wtf

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Cigarettes After Sex, Apocalypse

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i think i have spent too long hanging around men and hating myself because i am so unlike them. that i’ve forgotten how beautiful it is to be feminine and girly. it’s alright if you want to discuss astrology as a serious conversation. it’s okay if boys think you’re silly for liking clothes and makeup and nothing more. it’s perfectly normal to not want to do ‘boy’ things. and you don’t have to be like them, for the opposite gender to like you. this isn’t an order or advice. it’s just something that i need to hear for myself. i love being a fucking woman.

#womanhood #beingateengirl #girlblogging #e diary #lanadelrey

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van gogh once said “i thought i would be understood without words”

fuck you van gogh for saying what i’ve been thinking this whole time

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i had missed one day of school

but it had felt like i had missed a season

the trees has lost its leaves

and i had lost myself

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i wish you never cuddled me. because since then i crave this stupid physical thing that i can never probably have again.

#physical touch

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running around on 3 hours of sleep, and then waking up at 3 in the morning to go to work for 8 hours. getting orders wrong, feeling absolutely insane because at one point you just begin to hear things and not words. my throat is dry because i’m too embarrassed to ask for water. colleagues giving death stares, for messing up one order. cut me some slack. after work, going to town to buy shoes that aren’t ripped and jeans that will keep me warm. but i don’t find any. i’m hungry but i don’t want to spend my mothers money. i buy chilli cheese bites for £2 and get on a bus, and eat the cheese bites slowly in the hope it’ll fill me up. i get to the second bus stop, my mum wanted something. i get off, walk 20 minutes to buy it and proceed to walk in the rain. and i come home and i ask for silence. for a few minutes of silence. and i don’t get it at all. so i’m sitting in the bathroom floor, wishing they won’t look for me, sobbing into my knees.

#work life #girlblogging #teenagers #don’t work in cafes

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i am the bitch that sits in the toilet for half an hour to an hour. i wish i expressed a bit more sympathy when saying that but i am in no way sorry. the toilet is the only place in my house where no one can ask me stupid questions or dump whatever they need to say on me. i don’t have to study in the toilet or pretend to be someone i am not. i get to sit with my stupid phone on the toilet and shit in fucking peace for half an hour. because that’s the only time i have for myself.

#teenagers #sharing a room #girlblogging

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sometimes it feels as if people force me to show emotions. sure i have expressed that i am an emotional person, but please don’t use me as a gateway to heaven, just because you feel better watching me sob even though i asked for space. i hope you realise i was never grateful each time you have watched me cry you selfish fuck

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i have promised many plans to many people. i like pretending as if these things will happen, as if we would be friends forever but i will walk away. i don’t like trying. you shouldn’t have to try with friends, that isn’t what friendship is

#i’m a bad person #e diary #blogging #sadgirl #mitski #commitment issues