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I was so happy when Vice President Leni Robredo officially announced that she'll be running for President. I started sharing posts of her achievements and other clapbacks on BBM's trolls. I also got a fight with my relatives who supports the other party because it's just because of their career and not really their principles and morality.

Went to Leni Robredo's two rallies here in Naga. Chanted her whenever I have people around that supports other politicians or are still undecided of who they are going to vote.

But when she lost, I got so devastated. I didn't know what will happen to our country when BBM already held his inaguration as the President of the Republic. I was in high hopes for Leni to win but sadly, she didn't. We worked our way to send every Filipino to vote for the right but they didn't listen and so proud to lessen their pride into believing that what happened during martial law was only a hoax. Fake news was everywhere attacking Leni, the people who survived the torture and poverty during the time and our historians believing they are just a puppet of the Dilawan side. Even with all the evidence, documentary, and the foreign countries side of the story, it remained zero proof for the people to believe that the horrible encounters and experiences of the people way back was true.

In this trying times, I already grieved of what happened. All of our hopes and dreams are slowly being taken away by the people who we truly loved whole heartedly. Even with this disappoinment, I truly believe that we still have a good future for our future children.

I would like take this moment to say that we are very sorry for the people who died during Martial Law. To the people who fought for our human rights and to the people who believed that we deserved better. We are sorry that we failed you and held another Marcos to sit as President in the Malacañan Palace.

We are not done. We won't lose hope and we will still fight and love for this country.

#lifelately #rants

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tw:// anxiety attack; if you’re unwanted episodes please don’t read. thanks

i had an anxiety attack last night. i couldn't breathe. i was just there, crying. i didn't even understand why this is happening but i guess it never really goes away even though you can't remember the last time it happened.

i remembered that my boyfriend was watching a video with a sad song and then, it began. my heart was aching. its hard to breathe and i cant stop looking at the ceiling, thinking. whatever comes to mind. it got harder when the night fell deep, as my boyfriend falls asleep.

i went out to pee and then drink some water. when i got back to bed, i started crying. i didnt know why i was crying so i started talking to God. i guess this happened because i was so fed up with what's happening in our house. its not a home anymore. and i just really wanted to move out. thoughts crippled in my mind, i guess. that it will be so damn hard. you'll be living with your boyfriend, bills ahead with no more extra money to save. but i guess, this will lessen my anxiety. i know i'll be able to survive every struggle in if i'll be strong to believe in myself.

after crying, i watched some himym to sleep. and then dreams came through. i was in highschool. walking the hallways of my alma mater. i guess, i really missed how things were just as simple as being a highschool student. going out with friends was just the only way to be bothered when going home coz your parents will get mad. haha. but you know, life happens.

i just hope that this will be the year i'll be able to move out and focus on myself, my work and my kids(dogs). i just want to be geniunely happy with a happy and peaceful mind and heart.

this is so stupid. i should not have posted this yet. its too soon. :(((

#diary

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the last hairstyle i did for 2020. what if i let it grow and untouched this 2021? hahaha idk the impulsive in me will never know 🤷‍♀️

#selfportraits

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the last few weeks of december and first week of january was a bunch of gatherings and events i didn’t even had a time to work on a year-end blog post. well, i’ve stopped uploading blog post since GCQ happened in our city so i guess there’s not much of a difference haha

2020 wrecked me. i mean, everybody. we all thought that the first events of 2020 was just that. but it just got worst and worst. from the australia bushfire, covid 19 and the year long quarantine. i got so busy with my babies that all i do is do work and then make sure that my babies are fine. well, they are. up until my cloud got stolen. 

cloud is the very first dog that bim and i got. i started working in 2018, the year chabby died and bim wanted me to feel good when i visit home that we finally have our baby together. and then it all happened. we now have 10 dogs. can you believe it? haha anyway, we were looking for weeks, posted everyday just so someone can finally give us any directions on where to look. because, we didn’t have any footage with us to know where he went, what time he went missing. nothing. it was so heartbreaking you know? i cried every day and every night. and thats when typhoons visited us every weekend. especially when we had that 10 hour duration of a typhoon. myghad i was freaking out. i just hope that if someone got cloud, that he was being treated nicely and was safe during the typhoons. i know you can’t read cloud, but you cross my mind every minute of everyday and we love you so very much. 

my grandmother also died last year. you know whats the worst part of it? my mom was sleeping and im the one who woke her up and break the news. seeing your mom cry because her mother dies is the worst. up until now, i regret it. 

2020 was a mean bully. i suffered so much and i really wanted to make everything better this year. i want peace and quiet. i want to be genuinely happy and doesn’t think of any toxicity with any family member, a friend or a workmate. i want to calmly ride the tides of 2021. i just want everything in control without anyone making me feel less of a human being. thats all i want. so i’m going to go for it. im going to do everything with my power to not let anyone step on me and make me feel that im not enough. 

anyway, blog posts coming thru! or not.. i dont know. i want to write more this year. making it habit whether this a thought in my head i wanted to tell or just a regular day. anyway, happy new year! xx

#lifelately #hello2021

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2020 FUCKED ME SO BAD, I’M FREAKING PREPARED 2021!

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i’m starting all over. rebuilding, replanting, rerooting. 

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been mia for almost 4 months after being so active in writing, the ecq must have really made me productive in blogging because the moment it has been lifted, i had no time in writing again. haha! just kidding. i just felt like there’s nothing really amusing going on with my life. i thought that there’s nothing to share in terms of new beginnings, new journeys, or new experiences. my life has been in normal or just straight for awhile now and i thought it’s not interesting to write about it. but i really guess that’s how being an adult is, everything goes simple and it felt like there’s nothing to really worry about, you have a stable job, an amazing bond with your family, a stable relationship with my boyfriend, best friends and friends. although i can keep on writing about how this government makes our daily even more shitty every morning when we wake up, but i guess some of  you wouldn’t like that and i don’t want that either, it’s gonna be exhausting and toxic. anyway, here are some life updates  that has been going on with life:

when the ecq has been lifted, my brother and his family decided to come back here in our house. at first, everyone was so in denial in believing that everything will turn up just right because everyone’s been trying to work on this relationship for yeas and that turned worst that we thought. my brother decided to come back because our house is more accessible for everyone and then Kael will be having his online classes for the new normal and they don’t have internet in the house they stayed in. it has been 3 months, i guess? and it’s quite working well. hopefully, it’ll stay that way. anyway, my sister-in-law, Mich, helped me in coloring my hair which i was really planning before the lockdown but i guess i was really late to realize that the store whose selling hair products is gonna be closing too. so, i really wanted to color my hair from top to bottom, pink but she’s really digging the hair pegs that she saw on the internet so she just bleached the bottom part of my hair. i was really pretty excited about it. but my indecisive ass wants to bleach all my hair. so..

we did! haha! based on my smile, of course i loved it! but we colored it again and put very light ash blonde. because of the pandemic, everyone’s bored and obviously, doing your hair is one of the trending thing to do while just staying at home. i became so bored with the bleached hair because every girl you see has bleached hair. i dont want that :c also, we colored it so that the pink hair won’t turn out to be so bright. 

and finally! after waiting for almost 2 months, we finally achieved what we really want to my hair. ate mich just let the top of head to be ash blonde and left the bottom pink. i so so love the finished product and i’m so devastated that i’m already having roots :( also, we waited for almost  2 months to finally color it pink to avoid a lot of chemical to my hair. idk if it helped tho.

another life update, my boyfriend and i started to create a page and an instagram account for our babies! we are planning of opening our own business as dog breeder. idk if it sounds right to make it as a business to your guys, but the money we will be getting in this is clearly not for us but for our babies. we have 9 dogs. and yes, we are planning on adding more babies in the future. however, with 9 dogs, our salaries together cannot provide their daily, monthly and yearly expenses. my boyfriend has his own bills to pay and i too. also, my parents is actually working on some papers for their retirement and of course, we the pandemic, monthly pensions can take up some time to get. we will be helping out with the monthly expenses here in our house. i dont know why i bother to explain but im feel like i should so.. also, we will be making a kennel at our backyard to provide better home for our babies. due to our growing furfamily, being leashed or caged in a small place is hard and i don’t want that for them. 

moving on, sara and luna finally gave birth! sarah gave birth last june 15, 2020 with 6 adorable puppies; 4 females and 2 males. it was our first time handling a mommy to give birth, and it was exhausting and messy! she kept roaming around. also, fun fact, she gave birth in our room! hahahaha imagine the smell and all the blood everywhere. everyone was excited. when she finished, i cleaned the room for better home for the new born babies and for sara to finally rest. we also visited the vet because sara’s a big girl and we thought there was still a puppy left inside her. fortunately, she is now safe. 

the next day, bim, my mom and went grocery shopping and also both some stuff for sara and the babies. we were buying at mcdonalds for our snack when ate mich called bim and said luna’s gave birth to 2 puppies already! so my mom and bim left me because i was still waiting for our order. when i came home, my baby luna is at our comfort room, looking so exhausted and shocked of what is coming out of her! it’s her first time. at first, we thought she’ll just have 4 puppies because of size but damn ghorl! she wanted to show off that she can do it, too! 

we were honestly tired the whole time they gave birth. imagine! taking care of 12 puppies and 2 tired mommies. but it was all worth it. however, the worst part happened. we lost one of sara’s puppies. she clearly didn’t grew the moment she was born and didn’t fight when drinking her milk with her brothers and sisters. it was hard for me to see that a puppy died but to make it better, i just thought that its good that she didn’t experience this cruel world. 

also, one of luna’s puppies died. she was supposed to turn 1 month so everyone was trying to walk already. unfortunately, she got outside their cage and sara got her :( idk if she was aggressive upon seeing her because it happened when we were sleeping. but we thought that her body couldn’t take the force when sara held her. when i woke up i let them go out in our front yard and their i saw, the little pup, bathing in sara’s saliva. i was furious with sara and i really couldn’t help not to scold her. another puppy died and it was so devastating. 

anyhow, we needed to move on. 

latest update in our growing furfamily. another cat! his name is beau. it’s my first time to own a cat that is still a kitten and we never knew on how to know what’s the difference of a female and male kitten since their genitals isn’t mature yet. we thought he was a guy at first and then we saw that it’s being a girl genitals and when we went to the vet, she said he is a guy. which was okay because having a female cat is tiring. male cats outside our home keeps on making them pregnant. it’s annoyinggg. 

#lifelately

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This is very important, please do not ignore this.

Watch the video till the very end please (the end is when the explosion goes off.)

I live in Lebanon and the fiercest explosion went off in the midst of Beirut today, killing off an ungodly amount of human beings (more and more people are dying as I write this) and injuring up to 5000 people whose cases are immensely critical. Today,, at approximately 6 pm, hospitals were completely torn to shreds, people have been buried underneath fallen buildings, fires have been ignited almost everywhere, blood staining the streets in an excruciating manner, in addition to people that flew and fell to the sea due to the impact of the explosion. And it is certainly worth mentioning the millions upon millions' worth of damages what with buildings and cars and stores. Plenty of people are missing, it's an overall mess that is quite frankly very traumatizing.

What Lebanese people have been undergoing in recent times:

Lebanon has been going through a major economical decline that grows worse and worse by the day. The prices have heightened and the salaries remain the same, scarcely anyone has the capacity of affording basic needs anymore. There has been an unfolding revolution the past year, and the lebanese society has been protesting against the humiliation thrust upon our lives due to our miserable excuse for a government, and though the streets bled with thrashing, screaming citizens fighting for their utmost basic human rights, that caused mere to no change in the way things go around here, in fact, it only made it worse. We're being provided with, metaphorically, a droplet's worth of water and nearly no electricity, a pregnant woman has even passed away recently due to a heat stroke (as there were no means of cooling off)

What caused the setting off of this explosion?

The ignorance, heartlessness, and overall brutality of the government and the people in control.

A critical amount of chemicals (2700 tons of ammonium and other nitrates) were left inside a ship along the port of Beirut, and though the people in charge of this transaction were warned that heat and perspiration have the capability of destroying the whole of Lebanon in ode to a massive explosion, they refused to do anything about it and left the chemicals in there for years on end.

Up until, surprise surprise, the explosion went off and devestated Lebanon almost entirely.

I don't have much followers, and I know that this post isn't going to magically heal what is unfolding in this, priorly gorgeous, magnificent country, but I truly hope with all my heart that you find it within yours to spread awareness on this topic so that it would be more widespread,, so that Lebanon gets the aiding it deserves and the people from outer places slap the 'big bosses' awake, or at least pressure them into resigning, whatever it takes to make this place sufferable, tolerable, somewhere you can picture yourself residing in.

Lebanon is a place of infinite traditions, diversity, creativity, joy, and love. Most of the people here are open-hearted and wholesome. We all deserve far better.

My heart aches for the people that have passed away today, and I shall pray for the ones stuck in hellish suffering.

This is important.

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okay, i have read this trending thread on twitter and i just felt a lot of unnecessary feelings that were buried for a long time ago.. i never thought that reading this thread would trigger some emotions and i have regret reading it when i was almost done. i was so curious about it since the guy mentioned had a name same as my ex. some of the things the girl told in the thread about how her boyfriend intentionally manipulating her gives me the chills. coz that's what i've experienced with him hahahahaha everything you do, it is your fault even if he cheated a thousand times and accuse me of lying when everything he did in our 1 year relationship was lie. i was feeling a bit sad and as what i said it triggered some emotions that i really wanted to forget and then my boyfriend who's beside me just hugged me. i went teary eyed because of the gesture. i'm really thankful that our Lord gave me this boyfriend who really loves me and will give everything that i truly deserve.

#diary

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been trying to finish this and may has one day left so i decided to finish it already coz its so tiring!! hhahahaha there are times that i almost forgot to record a video for it but finally! im done na hehehehe

#lifelately

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grabehang pagpapanggap, magttrabaho nalang may pa makeup at pagpicture pa HAHAHAHAHA

#selfportraits

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finally done posting blog posts for the missing dates ive been mia! thank you sa mga naglalike pa din kahit sobrang late na tapos pinipilit pa din ipost huhuhu my ocd self cant sleep at night if i could not do that kaya ipinilit pa din hahahaha aga ko din nagising ngayon kasi dapat magising ng maaga for my work haynakes

anyway, happy lunch time! kain na kayo guys and remember, walang kwenta gobyerno naten hahahahaha

#lifelately

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#selfportraits

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in today’s episode of tuesday’s favorites, i want to share about my favorite flowers!

roses - yes, sobrang cliche sa babae if first on your list is roses, but do you do about it? nothing! who cares what people think! hahahaha pero honestly i didn’t like them at first kasi nga cliche, but turns out roses will give you so much meaning esp if the right person gave it to you 

sunflower - another cliche thing. eto talaga walang halong echos, i liked them because it represents the sun and how the sun is so powerful that you can be whoever you want whenever you want and not care about the people that surrounds you, well for now galit na galit sila sa sun kasi nga sa init but wyd kayo may kasalanan no okay science subject ba itu hahahah basta alam nyo ng tayo ang may kasalanan

tulips! - i really wanted tulips to be the flower once i get married and lots of it! sobrang saya and genuine niya tingnan esp the white tulips  

#tuesdaysfavorites

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his own version of taking a pic with his children.. tatlo palang anak namin dati hahahah ngayon 9 na myghad

#bim #dogs

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i remember unfollowing or muting an account just to have my peace of mind and it did gave me some peace of mind, i was so happy back then. now, i can be whoever i want and created my own sunshine. 

kahit na andami dami pa ding dds trolls online, la na akong pake sainyo 

#MondayMotivation

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how my bff surprised me to my birthday last year! she was sneaking at our house around 11pm and was dumbfounded when she gave me two big bottles of beer for my birthday! hahaha that is so not her but ya know the little things that makes you happy. esp my baby cloud whose smiling in the picture right there. myghad he thinks he's the one who'll be drinking that hahaha

ps: jhoice is carrying luna with her right hand hahahaha nakacamouflage si lola mo, why do we even wore the same color kasi

#bestfriends #dogs