shaineinin

[shaineinin]

Shaine G. Capua ⭐

Dream BIG. Sparkle more. Shine bright.

Hi! I am a HUMSS student from 12-Kalaw of Gen. Pantaleon Garcia Senior High School. Give me a chance to share my sparkle with you and radiate the shine within me. You can scroll my profile to check my works in the subject of Creative Writing and Creative Nonfiction. Enjoy! And remember as my name implies, shine with an a!

[shaineinin]

The End of the Beginning

a self-obituary

A tombstone of a person scares me the most. Because it is an indication that a life that once on earth has ended again. A mark that one has fallen in the midst of the fog of life. However, what will I do myself if my tombstone will be the one welcoming me at my door? What will be my reaction? How will I endure that kind of scene for the longest time I shall ever know?

Shaine G. Capua, born on ****, died on ****, you will always be remembered. And we shall never forget the words rest in peace. Those are the things I will be reading if ever I am in front of my tombstone today. I never visualized how it looks because I know that its physicality will reflect on my economic status once again. If it is too pompous, maybe I died with lots of money. If it looks ordinary, then maybe I am just a normal person with nothing but loans. 

Disregarding that matter, I know that no matter what economic or social status I have in the future before I die, I assure that I have lived my purpose in life. Because as I believed so, I would’ve changed the world to a better place if I could whenever an opportunity knocks on my door. I would everyday, try to touch someone’s life with kindness and generosity that the world is lacking today. I would channel the heavy weight of cracks in my heart to help people, heal their body and mind, and let them stand for themselves. 

I want people to remember me as a person who put other people’s state first before mine. I want my loved ones to recollect my memories as someone who peels oranges for people so they could enjoy and eat it without minding any trouble. An athlete who has the highest honor for sportsmanship to other athletes who share the same dreams with her. A student-journalist who unravels merely the truth and nothing but the truth. A student and a classmate who engraved a legacy of being good, smart, and cheerful. A loving and caring daughter, big sister, and a girl who gave everything she can for the sake of her family. 

Yet, if I were to be asked, “Who am I?”, with no masks, costumes, or fakes, not my titles, achievements, or praises; just me. I will gratefully answer that I am just a plain black and white person who only wanted to live a good and comfortable life ever since the beginning. I have always dreamt of ending the cycle of poverty in our bloodline. The leech that keeps on sucking us down. Every bit of our blood, sweat, and tears that it keeps on slurping on us to make us suffer more. One thing I kept on praying for is for my siblings to never experience what I had gone through to survive. 

So yes, by constantly saying yes was what cost me to survive. Yes, I have been soft like a gooey marshmallow exposed with fire to be smores, to be able to satisfy other people. To give them credit for what they helped me. To deal with the pressure that keeps on bugging my head. However, that was also my mistake. I became too complacent to things. Too dependent on the word yes that all of the responsibilities piled up and gave me a slap of reality that was so hard to avoid. 

Maybe, in my next life, I would learn how to negate. To refuse people. To disapprove of ideas that will not give me peace and will never help me have growth. To deny responsibilities that I can’t handle. Because saying yes has been too easy for me, when my no’s could’ve been more understandable. 

The people who have held my back ever since. The support, trust, and love they have given me and boosted me was not wasted. I will be missed, I suppose. But these people will also be treasured deep within the corners of my heart. This lifetime was not so good to me, but it lightened a path and made me walk past through wisdom, eminent, and goodwill that I will carry on to the next life I will hold if given a chance.

Without a doubt, I’ve led my life with a league of one’s own. I know that the loves of my life will be reading my epitaph with heavy hearts, flood of tears, and broken souls– “Wind, gentle evergreen, to form a shade. Around the tomb where Shaine is laid. Sweet ivy wind thy boughs and intertwine. With blushing roses and the clustering vine. Then shall thy lasting leaves, with beauties hung. Prove grateful emblems of the lays she sung.” But they shall remember that my goneness is not the end of the world and the pause of their own lives.

It may be an end to some, but it is also a beginning for a few.

#creative nonfiction #self-obituary #Spotify

[shaineinin]

The Odds of a Befitting Mother: A Match Made in Heaven

a facial recognition

Her chocolatey eyes that turn the most beautiful once reflected by rays of sunset are my favorite thing. She never knew how I loved her, that I could trade the moon for her and do things so I could save her. Because I knew from the moment she saw me, she would do the same for me as well. Risk her life until I reach the moon and touch the stars myself. The woman who bared my heart and soul– my sweet loving Mother. 

From her hair that she always rants about, “Sobrang kulot talaga ng buhok ko. Magpa-rebond kaya ako? Bagay kaya sa akin?”, she didn’t know that that was one of her favorable assets that makes her look warmer as a person. Her little freckles that impersonate her strength amidst the lethargy that she encounters in life. Those wrinkles that she thought makes her the ugliest being in the world, have significant interpretations in my brain. Those are the result of her patience as she raises five naughty kids. The product of her kindness of bearing a bloodline that would embody the same trait as hers. 

Her sandy brown skin that touches mine as I hug her. The arms that she thought were too big for a woman to have. The arms that embrace me every time the world hurts and shatters my heart like a broken glass. As I  wake up everyday, I see her small nose that she wasn’t proud of but holds the best little memories I have with her and my siblings whenever we make fun with each other. In addition to that is her lips that always shines whenever she smiles like she’s on top of the world, her favorite song of Carpenter’s.

As has been noted, Top of the World by The Carpenter’s is her most loved song of all time. I can remember her singing that song at karaoke everytime she had a chance. As the song said, “Everything I want the world to be. Is now comin' true especially for me. And the reason is clear, it's because you are here. You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen.” These words also resonate my feeling whenever I am near her. No matter how people sometimes compare us to cats and dogs who fight like crazy. 

Above all things, her heart is the one I admire and am amazed by most of her features, how she can divide her love to people. Be a kind, pure, and genuine being that influenced me big time in being true with people. Her warmth touches people’s hearts that, although, having a tongue-lashing at times, makes people be fond of her. That heart full of love that made me never felt and think that she was lacking something or she can’t give an equal amount of that love to me and my siblings. 

Definitely, she is one of the sole reasons why I’ve always wanted to win life despite the ball of fires and hardships that come my way like meteorites falling to the surface of the earth. My Mother who, I sure am, will sacrifice the bits of her simple lived life for her children to prosper and for them to sleep in a bed full of roses. My Mother, who almost dislikes all of the things in her body, didn’t realize that all of those are what I love and comfortable with to give my biggest hug and be vulnerable with. My Mother and her first born daughter, which is me, seems like a match made in heaven.

I mean, what are the odds that she is the most suited Mother the Lord has given me? Grateful and thankful are understatement if it is for her.

#creative nonfiction #facial recognition #Spotify

[shaineinin]

A Tree is Known by its Seedling First

a memoir

Giving yourself a chance to grow in an environment where everything is unfamiliar and strange is a brave motion that shows encouragement, nurturance of oneself, and the acknowledgement that you are still a seedling, not yet a tree. You are continuously and openly growing!

I once looked up into people in the field of journalism that made me aspire to be one of them. A seedling in a land of nurtured humongous trees. There was one significant moment in my life that amazed me on how I molded my decision into something that greatly affects me as of today. It was one normal day at school, I was only a 5th grader elementary student. I was doing my business of lading my ass on a wooden chair in our classroom until it finally hurt like hell. Moreover, aside from the fact that I was a good for nothing student back then; doing nothing but playing ‘Pass the paper ball’, ‘Kangaroo’ the one which you’ll toss your slipper to your playmates, and of course the famous one, the softball with my hardcore classmates– sweating a river, dirty clothes like I grew up in the mud, and runny nose. Pretty much everything dirty, I completed it and nailed it as a kid. 

But, that same school year was my awakening. Awakening of something great that really pushed me to surpass my limits and invest in a seedling to grow into a stout tree.

It was an unexpected turn of events when my adviser announced that I am one of the honor students in our class. Not just an honor student, but I placed third with an average of 94%. Would you believe that? Because back then I didn’t. Yet, it was true. In fact, as a perk of being at the honor roll, I was given a chance to join extracurricular activities that I had never joined before. Being a journalist is one. One that I would never dreamt of before but then my favorite adventure to tell now. 

When my adviser asked if I could participate in journalistic writing, I was hesitant as if I was being questioned in joining the biggest pageant of all time. I knew I would decline at the very beginning, because unfortunately I didn’t have any talent for that. I didn’t know how to write an article. An article that would've changed the lives of others if it is too powerful. I knew I wasn't gifted with that. But you know what I thought before declining that offer? “Who said I can’t sharpen my writing? Who said I can’t do it? Who said I can’t touch lives?” and all I shouted to myself was the word “ME”. No one told me that I couldn't do it, no one discouraged me to open a new path. No one stopped from having growth. But ME. 

So I thought of the brightest idea that I could think back then. Brightest because from it, I was led to a direction where I learned things I would never forget at my age. 

I invested in the seedling for me, for me to grow. I was trained by a High School teacher named Ms. Princess Lasquite. She was never an easy one, but she is a silent tiger waiting for her prey to approach her. I was that prey. I approached her with the thought that she would help me get through my feet. And that tiger never disappointed me. I was trained like there’s no tomorrow. Got blabbered out because of small mistakes. From mechanics to my grammatical errors, she didn’t skip all those but she kept a keen eye on everything like a hawk waiting for a worm to appear at the land.

Nonetheless, of all of those hardships that she put in my back as an elementary student, I pushed through. I dedicated my first ever contest article to the days where she would mock how I suck at writing and how I keep on forgetting little things. Because of all of those, I harvested the ripped and sweet fruits of my victory. I placed 6th as a Science Feature Writer, with my article about ‘Euphorbia Hirta’ or famous to the name Tawa-tawa. A medical herb known as the nemesis of dengue caused by mosquito bites. 

Through that article, I saved my ass to Ms. Princess’s fangs of madness. But then again, I couldn’t miss the chance to say that she was one of those humongous trees that I was with the whole time of my journey. She was the one who sharpened me as a sword who could  use her pen, words, and knowledge to touch lives and reveal the truths. 

It was such a magical start off with my journey as a student journalist, clinching a win in my first year but that didn’t stop Ms. Princess to train me again and again until I had mastered my category. From the moment I have let my seedling self grow upon the sides of enormous trees in my surroundings— I completely understood the meaning of giving oneself the chance to make changes and alter the future. The future I didn’t believe I could create. I became the seedling that an enormous tree will be proud of. 

#creative nonfiction #memoir

[shaineinin]

The Tres Maria's

a travelogue

Good days come in a very unexpected turn out of events. It is these times where we are most alive, refreshed, and have replenished our souls above all great things. A little escapade that made these lives of us more memorable and enjoyable that we might even think that “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all”.

In times of chaos like when the pandemic struck the world, it is definitely unpredictable for us to have our little fun times with our loved ones that will cheer us up to be boosted and set ourselves with hope again. Unanticipated that we will be reunited with our long time friends, families, and of course, our deep memories.

Well, that seemed really unimaginable because that time of pandemic, was also when the three birds with different feathers and peaks finally had the courage to be united as one and forget the longing of their tears and the broken glasses of their past.

If you’re curious and asking who are the three birds of distinct feathers and peaks, it was me and my two longing friends slash sisters. It was our story of soaring high, reconnecting, and building our relationship once again. Our story that started with a long and sound travel to be able to catch up like we’ve totally lost forever.

Way back when we were in our 15’s, the three Maria’s namely, Shaine, Ber, and Tiya had a fight. Fight that turned our relationship upside down and broke it with our own hands. Frankly, we were young, naive, and fearless to cut off people that we hadn't realized were significant people in our lives. We didn’t talk for a long time which cost us great bonds as tres Maria’s and nearly, our invisible ties.

But then, that changed as we grew up like a seedling and had growth at different soils and different environments that we found on our own. We wander around the world as free as a bird; only to find out that our bond is far more essential than anything in this world. Truth to a quote that said, “Sister is not simply a sibling, but a lifelong companion who understands and supports you unconditionally.”

On Ber's 20th birthday, she invited us, with the hope that we’d consider it to be able to rebuild the broken glasses that resonate our friendship. In accordance with her invitation, she will be celebrating her 20th at Alaminos City, Pangasinan. The home of the hundred islands. Back in our town, we were so far away from Alaminos that it feels like decades if we’re going to push through. But then again, for the recollection of the memories and friendship, we did it for us. We decided to travel from our secluded town to a city like Alaminos to celebrate her exceptional day with her and to once again commemorate our relationship as sisters by heart.

We packed our bags together, ready to stand against the long driveway. Driveway that will take us near each and everyone’s heart once again. We rode a van that will take us there. We ate junk foods along the joyride until our stomach hurts. We laughed like crazies when we remembered the things we did back then as children. We had a lengthy and deep conversation about life that sure opened my mind more about us. We teased each other about our cringe love life and crushes until someone will get shy and just drop the conversation for it to stop. We were us that time. The tres Maria’s.

Upon arriving at Alaminos City, we immediately checked our rooms, the surroundings, and the sea that will be the total highlight of her birthday party. It feels so refreshing to see the sparkling sea as the sunset reflects its rays and colors to the surface of the sea. It feels like my soul is being taken out of me. With my two friends by my side and our families, nothing sure could ever be perfect than reminiscing this. Most especially that we are celebrating our friends' life for another year ahead.

Moreover, the food at Alaminos was awesome and it got the boom in it. I could eat a mountain of that seafood. The grill at night by the seaside made me wonder why I haven’t tried going to the sea for decades in my life. The bonfire ended the perfect night of tres Marias, with a smile that they haven’t worn for themselves in such a long time.

I realized that I was lacking that kind of calmness in my heart and mind, and they were the people who imparted that to me again. Because of this unexpected travel, the three of us are back in our game called friendship with nothing but pulling ourselves to the highs of life. We are able to enjoy even just a mere day. They had always been and will always be the tres maria's that taught me a lesson in life. That great bond isn't interconnected by blood but through hearts. My sisters by heart, my friends for lifetime, my Maria’s.

#travelogue #creative nonfiction

[shaineinin]

Untuned Notes: The Making of Gracious Harmony

a reflection essay

"It's so perfect, perfect, perfect. A hundred percent, put us together you know what you'll get. Harmonies' so cold, you'll never ever wanna let it go."

In the midst of broken melodies, where harmonies and tones do not blend together to create a masterpiece, I was there, in between. Listening to the music of life that may have untuned notes, but still puts up the most gracious and gorgeous euphony that I could ever ask for. The loveliest that I didn't realize was me. It was me that it built.

I remember when I was a little child, a child raised at the blazing land on a farm, I was free. Free as a harmony ready to prove herself that she can do great things. That she can achieve high tones. However, in that same phase in my life, an unexpected untuned note that made that harmonious thought tangle and clash within itself. It was my grandfather, whom I love dearly and treasure deep within my heart, got found dead in the middle of the dawn. The dawn where a lifeless melody had broken up to the music of my life.

He was one of the few people who taught me how to be brave at all times. Brave as the king of the jungle. Alert and ready to embark on a new journey. Never afraid to fight and to accept change. One of the toughest people who gave me the inspiration that no matter what life serves you, make way to give your A game and serve life back the things that you actually deserve.

Despite that untuned note, my life kept going. It kept going like a thread of hair or as continuously as lengthy as the longest bridge in the world. Until I have finally reached the second untuned note that placed me in an excruciating phase again, which made me believe that my life is a path of broken melodies.

For the most part of this music called life, the second untuned note dragged my soul out of me. Unfortunately, the 2nd year of the pandemic was also the year when my father got a heart attack and was diagnosed from a stroke. It was a hard time for all of us, most especially my siblings, because that was also the time when my mother was away. What we had at that time was nothing but ourselves. Nevertheless the situation, as the eldest, I acted as the wall for my 4 siblings. I did what I had to do. I was their shoulders when a broken melody of life enters our way. Their peace and calmness amidst the storm of chaos that was happening in our lives.

Frankly speaking, right after that untuned note, there was a block of unwavering tunes that got off my way and made my little yet synthetically enormous life— enough with struggles and hindrances every single day. There were those times where I had to take a huge portion of considerations to make sacrifices. Sacrifices that alter my music, my life to the fullest.

Above all, I realized that through these untuned notes I was able to learn things that made me who I am today. A solid, unique, and harmonious music that could make other people happy with her beat and tune. It creates me into something worthwhile listening.

Through these untuned notes, I was able to take lessons in life that I would've never learned without those notes. Notes that I would never ever let go. I am now a piece of art that will spread her music to the world for it to heal from its wounds.

#reflection essay #creative nonfiction #Spotify

[shaineinin]

From Cursed to Heart Burst

reaction to a personal narrative

Bea Cassandra De Leon is a friend who always gives her heart when it comes to helping others, being brave in a circumstance, or battling with her everyday life. However, what a friend could’ve imagined is that she thinks that the day where she began to see the world, was also the day she hated the most back then. Despite that, when her 13th birthday came, all of that “cursed thinking” washed up all at once. On the 30th of November 2018, she was surprised by her family that they were going to visit a very special place, the Sky Ranch. With that news, her heart skipped, and got excited to her family’s surprise.

To sum it up, they had fun. And Bea’s heart was so full that it could burst with happiness. They rode a roller coaster, ate in a fine restaurant, her father surprised her with a big banana stuffed toy that he won, and they created a lot of memories in their joyride, way back home.

Bea’s personal narrative feels like a home. A home where you can spend your not-so-good days or the happiest days on earth. Every word feels like an embracing arms because she used chronological order to arrange her story properly. She also putted a lot of literary elements that combined with her story like chameleon blending onto its environment. It complimented her narrative. She also included transitional devices to better execute the message of the story that she is trying to pass to her readers.

Her grammatical strategy was not just to impress other people or her readers but to make them feel like they are inside her story, watching her celebrate her happiest birthday with her lovely family. It was a balance of dark, sweet, and a little funny, like a caramel latte that just hits the spot when you wanted to reward yourself with something.

In conclusion, her narrative gave a glimpse of her life like a spark of fire trying to build a flame. She introduced herself in not just a creative way, but fun like how they one day adventure for her brithday lasted. Simple, yet memorable. A day she thought, was a curse, was also the day where her heart burst with so much happiness.

#reaction to a personal narrative #creative nonfiction #Spotify

[shaineinin]

Little BIG Fan of Life

a personal narrative

In between the pages and chapters of my story, there was a specific moment I could mention that may break other peoples’ hearts, but it undeniably speaks contentment and hypocrisy at the same time. This page in my book incredibly changed how I perceive life as it is right now. There is a certain reason why no matter how life tries to burn this book of life, I will always try to persevere and bring my family the victory they always deserve.

It was one cold night after dinner with my family. Happy, complete, and hearty dinner that my Mom cooked. It was a simple moment in our everyday routines in the province, nothing new or perfect. After that, we continued and just proceeded with our daily chores to work at before resting and packing up to bed. 

However, little did we know that at that moment, our old, rusty, and recycled electric fan full of tape and a backbone of a stick, was almost destroyed. Despite that, that fan helped us most of the nights when there were a lot of mosquitoes and our mosquito nets couldn’t carry the job anymore. Before that happened, I was always skeptical and curious as to why we couldn’t afford to buy a new fan instead of settling for the old one. My father would always tape its parts back so it could continuously do its job. I can’t think of anything in mind why he didn’t save himself from having more chores. 

Truth be told, I was ashamed back then. Most especially when my friends or classmates visit our house and see our electric fan covered with tape and seems like it can barely breathe, I want to get eaten by the floor. I would then change the subject after they noticed it or would crack a joke to ease the shame I was feeling.

Getting back to that situation, when the only fan that our house had was completely knocked out, I didn’t know what to feel. I remember my little sister calling my father to say the news. The saddening news that made me realize something in life.

I can recall how my father tried to revive it for the last time while making that irritated face with crumpled brows. I  can still hear how he said, “Ano ba ‘yan, ngayon pa talaga nasira. Walang-wala na nga e”.

After I heard that, the silence in our dining slashed bedroom was all around that it could even break my eardrums. I was dumb to notice all along how my family, especially my parents are struggling to bring food to our table. Yet, I was ungrateful. I didn’t know how to appreciate little things. I was careless of their feelings and emotions. I was focusing only on myself and I ended up regretting most of the times that I could've used to show how I love them.

They were rattling between heaven and earth for us to survive, which I didn't realize way back then. Now, these pages in my book of life will forever hurt, but it will be a great reminder. A reminder to appreciate little things, sacrifices, and hard work of one another in the family. The family whom I will always try to protect at all costs.

#personal narrative #creative nonfiction #Spotify

[shaineinin]

Wind of Life: B for Brave, Bold, and Bloomed Bright

a biography

She was never too confident in where the wind of life would blow her. The so-called unpredictable life that tested her every time it knew that she became comfortable, cheery, and warmed enough to the coziness of life.

Her name is Bernadette Padlan, she was always called “Ate Ber”, the big sister of them all. She is a 20-year-old independent woman, a working student at Rancho Lokal at Katipunan Avenue in Novaliches, Quezon City. Working her ass off to pay off her tuition at school and at the same time, for her allowance. Thinking she doesn’t want her single mom to carry that weight anymore.

Back in the days, Ate Ber was the big sister who would take care of the rest of class. The big sister not because she has that ‘mom vibe’ but because she was always the homey one who would make you feel that you belong. That you are important and worthy of attention.

At a young age, Ate Ber has always opened her eyes to the reality of life. She was introduced to a life full of noisy relatives (nosy, as well), squabbling neighbors, and a life without a father beside her. A father who will look after her when she stumbles while playing. Or a father who could’ve taught her what to do when she got her heart broken at the first time. A father who will embrace her when the world is too busy for her. But she didn’t, and she accepted that fact ages ago.

The young Bernadette then did nothing but to take care of other people. She let her heart beat the harmonious music that sang inside her all long.

She had been taking care of people who are never blood-related to her, but then the irony of life is that she was never taken care off. She was never the one who will receive warm hugs, power-up cheers, and shining gifts. She was always the giver of love, and never the receiver of it.

However, Ate Ber never thinks of it that way. Never the one who will put up that sad and depressing face. She has this positivity trait that she radiates all the time. Unknowingly brightens up the day of everyone around her, without even exerting an extra effort to do so.

At Urbiztondo, Pangasinan she was raised; there, she started building her dreams. There, she started to think that hardwork is the only way to be free in her uncomfortable life. Urbiztondo Integrated School was where she was molded to be an aspiring leader. Not just a leader whom the members could depend on but a leader who will fight for her members. She didn’t graduate there, she barely finished her 3rd year when her relatives decided to move away and migrate to a much broader life that they could explore.

Ate Ber didn’t protest, she let herself be carried away when the wind of life blew. She was taken in an environment that could’ve engraved her a wound for a long time. An environment she didn’t know was hurting her all along. A place that wasn’t always a home. A place where love doesn’t exist, and a house that wasn’t built of strong foundations like trees.

Thus, there she was. Bloomed like a floral flower, bright, and shiny all along. The wind of life could’ve taken her to a place where she was comfortable. But she didn’t realize that comfort was a bluff and warmth that wasn’t made of love. Later then, when epiphany visited her, she was thanking the wind of life that carried and planted a seed like her to a place where she can grow and learn. To be not just brave but bold.

“Life is a journey, not a destination”, said Ate Ber.

#biography #creative nonfiction

[shaineinin]

The Sacrificial Lamb

an autobiography

I once stumbled upon a quote that hit me hard enough to just break down amidst something I was doing, and it says, “If you don’t sacrifice for what you want, what you want becomes the sacrifice.”

I was named Shaine Capua for a reason, my Mom always bragged about me being like a diamond. A diamond that was once a little who shines bright even at the darkest places of gloom. She told me—to avoid people being cringe at my name, she decided to add an a. That funny story was always the one she reminisces with me when things get rough sometimes.

However, I never knew before that a single-mindedly province girl could do and shine at a lot of things because of a hard choice. It was rare that a girl as simple as me would become free like a bird once in a cage. A sacrifice that I once blamed, became the sacrifice I am saying ‘thanks’ to, nowadays.

As the pandemic struck back in 2019, I was never alone in our humble home. I am surrounded most of the time by my family whom I always love. To be completely honest, the pandemic was not a problem in our simple hometown, Urbiztondo, Pangasinan, because in the province, the real problem was the struggle to survive every day on a small farm. However, I never had thought that our family would encounter a problem that arose for me to make a big and hard decision and sacrifice I wasn’t prepared for.

“Ate Shaine sarag mo pan nengnenggen may ilulutok di man ed kalan?” (Can you look over the dish that I’m cooking on the stove?), said my sister.

It was afternoon, my father was sleeping with my little brother in bed and I was doing my homework then. Nevertheless, I didn’t budge and just took a look at it and tasted the dish just to be sure. It smelled nice, and it tasted just incredible. I was ready to commend my sister for that, until suddenly, my gaze turned to my father who I thought was sleeping soundly at that exact time, but was convulsing and tapping himself like a madman.

At first glance, I thought nothing was wrong. I didn't think anything could go wrong that sunny afternoon.

The second time I looked at the bed where my father was lying, he was already reaching his limit. I shouted a thousand times with a hint of nervousness in my voice. I don’t cry easily, but the waters in my eyes were like raindrops that came from a mad storm. Next thing I knew we were already at the hospital and my father was diagnosed with a stroke.

Misery completely took over my body, I didn’t know what to do. My mother was in the city, my father was in the hospital, and I have four siblings to tell that their father is sick. I was packed with so many emotions that day but I conquered. I stood still. I fought the entanglement of being stuck at that moment in my life because I wanted to keep going despite the things happening in my family. So, I did.

Because of that circumstance, the root of it all, I was pushed to make the hardest decision in my life as a 16-year-old girl. A sacrifice that molded me into something I never thought of becoming.

After my graduation in High School, I was asked by my Uncle—who offered to provide for my education until tertiary if I lived under his roof. I was having a hard time figuring out what will be my answer to that. Because I know, I will be away from my family for a lot of years. And that’s the only time that that will happen. I was young and naive and I only thought about my father, who provided us everything, and now was at the hospital fighting for his life. Clinging on a machine to breathe. I knew at that moment that he would not be able to support us, most especially our education, just like before.

If I declined the offer, maybe I would stop my study. Maybe I would just work to help my family. Maybe I wouldn’t have the opportunity to reach my dreams. Maybe I wouldn’t become who I am today.

So, yes. I did what I had to do. I sacrificed to help my family. I became a sacrificial lamb to be able to achieve my goals and what my heart desires. I took the risk and jumped off the cliff of unwavering uncertainties. The reason why I think I have a best-seller life story as an 18-year-old woman.

True to what other people say, it is when one begins as being the sacrificial lamb, no matter how high the pedestal of life may bring them, life has its own way of tearing them down. As I finally moved out in the province, I experienced a roller-coaster ride that brought me highs and lows. The adjustments accumulated a lot of my energy and it took several months to finally realize that I am now away to my family.

My sacrifices have big and small impacts. I sacrificed sound sleep every night, the joy of buying new things to save money, and the happiness of talking to my loved ones every hour of the day. Those are the things that I shook off when I came here. I relentlessly tried to jump off way too many cliffs and it’s breaking me how it sounded like a hypocrite because I am not happy with what I am doing.

Nonetheless, I know that these sacrifices that brought changes in my life are a progress that will mold me into becoming a persevered person with dignity and integrity.

Ultimately, my story still has a lot of cliffs to jump off to. I still have to take risks and sacrifice things to surpass the limits I had set for myself. I know that this is not the end, the journey worth a thousand bucks will not unfold unless I try to create one with my hands and mold my decisions not just to be right, but to unleash learnings and knowledge for me to hold forever.

#autobiography #creative nonfiction

[shaineinin]

haiku, a japanese poem that has merely 3 lines with 5 syllables each.

#haiku #creativewriting

[shaineinin]

tanaga, an indigenous flipino poem, consisting of 4 lines with 7 syllables.

#tanaga #creativewriting

[shaineinin]

lost but found through a poem.

#foundpoem #creativewriting

[shaineinin]

First activity on our creative writing subject :3 I created an acrostic poem based only on what and how I'm feeling on that specific time and day : ] a free-verse poem consists of unexplainable emotions and figurative language such as oxymoron and simile :P

#acrosticpoem #creativewriting

[shaineinin]

Hello, tumblr world! I am Shaine, a HUMSS student from Imus, City. With a great amount of determination and passion, I have come this far to share my works that revolves all around creative writing. Aside from the fact that our creative writing teacher demands us to make this blog activity, I am cheerfully excited about what this app will contribute to my writing hobby and how this app will help me build my writing capabilities as a HUMSS student. Let's cheer for one another, to more successful activities and blog posting. (⁠/⁠^⁠-⁠^⁠(⁠^⁠ ⁠^⁠*⁠)⁠/

#creativewriting