silent-sirens

[silent-sirens]

[silent-sirens]

Everyone in this world deserves good things. They don’t have to earn it. And most of us would agree with that but maybe some of us wouldn’t include ourselves, as if we were so awful that we become an exception to the rule. But you do deserve it. There will always be people who find you lovely, who will wish for you to be happy. And they’re not wrong. But your self-worth is suffering because of your anxiety, because of your desire to be perfect.

Don’t set yourself up for failure with your perfectionism. I’m sorry someone made you feel like you needed to earn love, comfort, contentment. Most people are not like that and they do not wish to watch as you self-sabotage, they will not judge you so harshly. I hope you can stay away from those who feel like things must always be earned and that if you make a mistake, you’ll be a complete failure. You’re just a person. Making mistakes is a part of life.You don’t have to perfect.

You won’t become prettier after you lose weight because you always were. You won’t be greater when you write the perfect thesis and graduate. You don’t need to prove to anyone that you deserve space in this world. You were born in this place so now all you have to do is live. You don’t need to achieve a certain goal that makes you sabotage your social or professional life in order to get where you want to be. Life itself is imperfect, chaotic, unpredictable. Do what needs to be done in ways that allow time for yourself, for resting, for hobbies, because those good things are rightfully yours.

And maybe if you’re thinking “others deserve it more” or that “good things don’t last in my life”, then please don’t compare yourself to others, it isn’t fair. And what if those things stick with you and they make you happy? What if they don’t go anywhere? Then you will need to admit that change is a scary thing (even when it’s a change for the best) and that you’re not a terrible person who doesn’t deserve anything. You deserve happiness. You deserve a life of your own, not when you finally become perfect, but because despite your shortcomings, you’ll always be worthy of happiness. It’s time to stop punishing yourself and to start believing you’re enough as you are right at this moment.

[silent-sirens]

[silent-sirens]

“True love is like little roses, sweet, fragrant in small doses.”

[silent-sirens]

i spent most of today in a state of reflection. i realized that although i may not feel like i’ve arrived at my destination, this past year has been incredibly transformative for me.

i’ve seen myself form into a strong woman through a half year of thick, a half year of depression, despair and awful growing pain.

i’m proud to see where i am now. it’s a lot of work to get yourself out of a place like that.

a tree can’t grow up beautiful and tall if the roots don’t grow solid and grounded.

[silent-sirens]

over the past few months i've been doing not so well. functioning but depressed. there were days i honestly felt suicidal and a lot of the time i felt i was struggling to be present. there were definitely beautiful times, but the overarching feelings were depression, anger and loneliness.

last night i had a big breakdown about it. for at least an hour i was crying, squeezing my breath out until there was nothing left and trying my best to hold myself. it was such a breakthrough for me. for months i've been afraid to sit with myself, constantly distracting myself by sitting on netflix for hours or working super hard.

last night there was no distraction. one song came on and caused an avalanche.

everytime i go through one of these periods of depression i'm left in awe of how resilient a human spirit is. like you can be on the edge of breaking and even feel like it's all shattered and still there's that last silver of hope, or sometimes even obligation that lifts you out.

i felt myself release so much and as i was processing it all i was writing sentences in my journal and feel it all and go deeper.

i guess i'm just feeling so grateful to have had that experience and to have been able to "write" again. i've missed it so much.

if any of you are going through similar times, i hope you feel your resilience too ❤

[silent-sirens]

Nikki Giovanni, from “Introspection”

[silent-sirens]

Everything okay?

If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. There are many support services that are here to help. For 24/7 peer support and other resources, message KokoBot on Tumblr.

If you are in the United States, please try:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) The Trevor Project (LGBTQ youth, ages 13-24) National Eating Disorders Association (online chat, text) RAINN (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

If you are outside the United States, visit IASP to find resources for your country.

For more resources, please visit our Counseling & Prevention Resources page for a list of services that may be able to help.

[silent-sirens]

vulnerable

I feel like my mind is a mess right now and the main thing is that I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just so demotivated with everything my whole existence. I stay up late so much, I don’t wanna see people, I don’t like socializing but then I’ll just end up going out and drinking most nights. I’ve always been so on top of how i feel mentally, I always purposely manipulate my perspective on situations to make me see it in the most positive way, and it might make me slightly delusional.

I just don’t think I’m okay and I don’t think I’ve been okay for a while. Obviously my last breakup has been a massive thing where I’ve just felt like not in my life since then. I can’t put it into words it’s like my experience with life is just really weird. I just have no motivation to do anything.

But you know the worst thing about it is I’m like simultaneously just numb to everything so I don’t even know what it is in my own head. It’s like I’m hypersensitive to everything but I’m also numb to everything.

I’ve just lost my spark, like a massive spark and a massive part of who I am recently. I just feel so disconnected from everything going on but I’m also too numb to actually care and it feels like I’ll never figure out what it actually is that making me feel this way. I guess there’s just so many things happened since last year like I’ve gone through so much this year, it’s ridiculous.

I feel like everything I have in my life I’m gonna lose. Like it used to be a situation happen and I’d cry about it and then I’d get over it and I wouldn’t cry about it again, but now I cry and I don’t know why I’m crying. I’ll be watching youtube videos at 2 am and I just breakdown, I don’t know why, it’s like I’m not in control of my head anymore. And then after that intense crying session I just snap out of it and I’m back to life and I’m just numb again.

Maybe it’s just everything that happened this past year and how I lost people i really loved and now I just feel like I’m gonna lose everything and everyone. But I get it, I get that that’s the beauty of it, like the risk that comes along with it makes it more amazing and beautiful and something to really treasure the fact that it might not be there forever. But it just makes me scared to get to that position in the first place because I’m scared to just lose it again afterward and if I don’t put myself in that position to begin with then I’ve got nothing to lose. So I purposely just push everything out of my life that I’m most scared to lose.

I think that I feel a lack of love in my life, I guess it’s quiet lonely when I don’t talk about it and I just live in denial in my own head I’m just so numb and I can’t be bothered to think about it. I think that something can get taken away so easily and it kinda does mess with you a lot. It’s like dangerous to love because it can just get taken away so quick.

I don’t feel like the same person that I was and in some ways good and in some ways bad. I feel like the good way is that I’m realizing a lot and I’m learning and I’m growing but then I’m also so stuck because I’m so numb to everything that happens. It doesn’t get easier, a lot of people said that I’m a strong person when I’m actually not, I’m so fragile and I just feel like crying all the time.

Speaking to guys and stuff like that makes me scared like they’ll be making an effort with me but I’m just like “If I stay in control and I don’t let you in then I can’t lose you and you can’t leave my life if I don’t have you or love you in the first place then I can’t lose you and be sad about it because I never had any emotion for you to begin with” and I don’t like that, but then at the same time I’ve had people leave me. It’s like losing someone you love so much, so like where do I go from there?

I’ve never felt this vulnerable before. I think I’m also deeply insecure as well, that’s something that I’ve realized recently because when people show interest in me a lot of the time if they don’t know me very well I’m just like “no, you’re gonna get to know me and then you’re gonna hate me” even though I don’t know why I think that because I don’t think I’m a bad person like I think I’d be quite a nice person to love like I know I have a really pure heart and always have good intentions, especially to those who I love but it’s just hard for me to show that recently. I’m just so tired with everything I just wanna curl up into a ball and be hugged forever.

[silent-sirens]

musings on grief

Lisa Marie Basile, Nick Alm, Callista Buchen, Max Porter, Gustav Klimt, Fortesa Latifi, Safet Zec, Anna Akhmatova, Chen Chen, Sergey Andriyaka, Anne Carson, Svetlana Tartakovska, Max Porter, Lindsey Kustusch, Patrick Kavanagh

[silent-sirens]

a flower doesn’t compare itself to the flower next to it, it just blooms

[silent-sirens]

[silent-sirens]

there’s something in this world that no one has seen before. it’s something gentle and very sweet. maybe if it could be seen, everyone would fight over it. that’s why no one has ever seen it, the world hide it, so that no one could get their hands on it easily. however, someday someone will find it. the person who deserves it the most, would definitely find it. this is how it’s created.

Ryuuji Takasu & Aisaka Taiga (Toradora!)

#anime #quote #anime quotes