silentconfliction

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THIS BLOG HAS BEEN ARCHIVED.

if you’d like to continue following me & my shiro, please follow me over @jawblade!! nothing is changing, i’m holding on to all established relationships, most ongoing threads & plots, all of that. i just feel like a fresh blog will be beneficial to me after having this one for nearly 2 years and help get my motivation back up.

thanks so much lovelies, and i hope to see you over there ♥

#ᵈᵃᵈ ˢᵖᵉᵃᵏˢ ( ooc. ) #ˢᵉᵗᵗˡᵉ ᵈᵒʷᶰ ᶜᵃᵈᵉᵗˢ ( psa. )

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What’s worse, dying when you want to live or living when you want to die?

Unknown (via wnq-writers)

#ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗᶤᵐᵉˢ ᵠᵘᶤᵉᵗ ᶤˢ ᵛᶤᵒˡᵉᶰᵗ ( musings. ) #ᵠᵘᵉᵘᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵘᶰᶤᵛᵉʳˢᵉ ʰᵘʰ? ( queue. )

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okay!! decided that i’m gonna move to a fresh blog after getting feedback from some of you guys!! i think it’s gonna help me a lot with motivation for writing and it’ll be nice to just... have things tidier. this blog has like, over 3000 posts or something so???

anyway i started the process but i won’t be going through and refollowing my mutuals until notifications of the new blog following and interacting start showing up, so!! for the time being, i’m kinda here and i’m kinda over at @jawblade ( yes i’m opting for a new url. i think that’ll make things feel a bit fresher too?? lmao ). i still have to figure out what to do about green’s sideblog... i don’t want to move that one again already bUT. YEAH. i’ll figure shit out.

i’ll do a more official notice about all this once i’ve Officially Moved and this blog is Officially Archived but since i’m definitely wanting to continue a lot of the threads i have going here, i wanted to post smth now bc if i do any writing tomorrow, it’s probably gonna be over there? IDK this is an awkward process bls bear with me <3

#ᵈᵃᵈ ˢᵖᵉᵃᵏˢ ( ooc. ) #right now all i've got over there are all my important headcanons reblogged but i think that's all i'm worried about actually moving #in terms of past posts

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Reblog This If You Are Comfortable With Brainwashing/Conditioning RPs

We know the type. Being indoctrinated, being conditioned to believe things, the false manipulative friend, the mind control drugs in the water, the subliminal signals to the brain through the tv, ect. 

#oooooh heck yes i am #i love writing fucked up shit ok #ˢᵉᵗᵗˡᵉ ᵈᵒʷᶰ ᶜᵃᵈᵉᵗˢ ( psa. )

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hummmmm. i’ve been considering maybe hopping on the bandwagon and moving shiro to a fresh blog... this one is almost 2 years old, there are so many posts that make searching through things a lengthy process, etc. etc... just a nice clean new blog sounds appealing. but also??? i kinda want to just hold on to this one at the same time?? bc i’m a nostalgic fuck who hates making decisions. idk man, idk.

#ᵈᵃᵈ ˢᵖᵉᵃᵏˢ ( ooc. ) #I'VE BEEN BACK AND FORTH ON THIS FOR DAYS NOW sobs #kick me right in the face bls

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Could anyone do me a favor and like this or preferably reblog this if they are interested in writing with a semi-active COMMANDER SENDAK roleplay blog, from Voltron: Legendary Defender? (Trigger warnings for various dark themes.)

#ˢᵖʳᵉᵃᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ( promo. ) #always follow blue #i love #such a blessing to this fandom and rpc honestly

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omg shiro E12?

so.. you didnt specifically say to draw young garrison shiro reacting to seeing a golden retriever on campus but thats the vibe i got

#I love #ʰᵉˡᵖ ᵐᵉ ᵖᵒˡᵃʳᶤᶻᵉ ( visual. ) #fanart. #ᵠᵘᵉᵘᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵘᶰᶤᵛᵉʳˢᵉ ʰᵘʰ? ( queue. )

[silentconfliction]

                           my   ( i n n o c e n c e )  died

                                                                            with them… 

#ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗᶤᵐᵉˢ ᵠᵘᶤᵉᵗ ᶤˢ ᵛᶤᵒˡᵉᶰᵗ ( musings. ) #ᵠᵘᵉᵘᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵘᶰᶤᵛᵉʳˢᵉ ʰᵘʰ? ( queue. )

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Send me hypothetical scenarios and I will respond with how my Muse would handle them.

#ᵖʳᵒᵐᵖᵗˢ ( ask meme. ) #I have literally just been sitting around playing ovw all day while my body feels shitty #idk if I can drafts but?? memes have been working okay??? #idk man it's Weird today

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@silentconfliction liked for pidge art

#ᵖʳᵉᶜᶤᵒᵘˢ ᵐᵉᵐᵒʳᶤᵉˢ ( saved. ) #ᵐᵃᶤᶰ: ᵗʰᵉ ᵏᶤᵈˢ ᵃʳᵉᶰ'ᵗ ᵃˡʳᶤᵍʰᵗ ( impfiltration / / pidge. ) #fridge art tag tba. #muffled screams into my hands #this is accurate tho. green wins. green always wins. #shiro is one of those people who can't bear to move a cat or dog or ANY animal that makes itself cozy on him smh

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#helLO SIR #ʰᵉˡᵖ ᵐᵉ ᵖᵒˡᵃʳᶤᶻᵉ ( visual. ) #fanart. #ᵠᵘᵉᵘᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵘᶰᶤᵛᵉʳˢᵉ ʰᵘʰ? ( queue. )

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northernroleplayer:

JUST SO EVERYONE IS CLEAR

if I follow you, it means I enjoy your character/writing but it doesn’t always mean we have to rp if you’re selective or if you have no interest. That is totally okay. I just like reading your stuff because you’re amazing.

BUT

if you want to rp, please say something to me because I’m a literal dumbass and will just lurk around with the assumption you’re too good for me and won’t ever approach.

#ˢᵉᵗᵗˡᵉ ᵈᵒʷᶰ ᶜᵃᵈᵉᵗˢ ( psa. )

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                           i’m not a stranger to the dark                                 ‘ hide away ‘

                                               they say,             ‘ ‘cause we don’t want your  b r o k e n   p a r t s ‘                 I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars                                 ‘ run away ‘

                                                 they say,                      ‘ no one will  ( l o v e )  you as you are ‘

#ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗᶤᵐᵉˢ ᵠᵘᶤᵉᵗ ᶤˢ ᵛᶤᵒˡᵉᶰᵗ ( musings. ) #ᵠᵘᵉᵘᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵘᶰᶤᵛᵉʳˢᵉ ʰᵘʰ? ( queue. )

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honey.

His hand is different. Beneath the blood flowering from torn skin she’s dabbed clean are knuckles that are much bigger than she remembers, fortified from fighting. That’s what happens with hands that hit. They’re riddled with silver-soft scars—some reopened that Honey dresses with a roll of gauze. Her ministrations are gentle and slow as she turns his hand over (was it always this much broader than her own?), but her gentleness isn’t entirely selfless: she’s counting the discolorations that span his skin; there are so many.

Here is a pocked sickle on the soft part between fore and thumb: teeth. She hopes not his own. She wishes not anyone’s. She rotates his hand, palm up–there are calluses beneath each finger, rough beneath hers, and here are sprays of crescent moons, dug in between his head and life lines, one splitting his fate line in half. Honey covers it, turns his hand over again.

She’s listening of course, head bowed to focus, head bowed because she can’t dredge up the courage to look at him, not yet. Her chest is still uncomfortably tight. His fist had been in the wall, eye wide and determined, and Honey grapples with the sudden knowledge that this isn’t a part of him she has ever known. She’s only ever been privy to the after, the hollowed out devastation, not the anger, not the Shiro that lashes out. There are many sides of him she doesn’t yet know.

There are no answers. Her first instinct it to tell him you can’t think like that but what good will that do? Telling him it’s okay to not be okay had been lip-service. Honey clips the gauze in place. She absently rubs back of his exposed fingers, lifts his hand and kisses the back of bandage. It won’t help him. It doesn’t help her either, but he deserves tenderness—every last bit of it she has to give.

The knot in her stomach doesn’t ease.

“Give them time,” she murmurs. Her gaze is a bit reserved when she finally looks up at him. She doesn’t want to defend the Garrison—their inaction makes her seeth, but…Honey takes a breath, runs her hand up Shiro’s forearm. Is she self-soothing by touching him? She stops.

“It’s all we’re really allowed to give them. They’re still grappling with the meaning of your return. Your arm, your memories.” Honey sweeps Shiro’s bangs aside, cups his cheek, “Whether they think you’re a liability or not lands very low on their pyramid of importance right now. This—” she taps his metal arm with a fingernail “—is making our lab rats work overtime. I’m—I’m not trying to rationalize their actions. I’m just trying to explain. Okay?”

Does she think their energy is misdirected? Yes, and as pressing as those worries feel now, others are noisier.

“Let’s deal with today. Right now.” Her touch lands, feather-light, on the back of his bandaged knuckles. “This. Let’s deal with this. You—hurt yourself.” And in spite of her cresting fear she presses on, “Why? I mean—” a soft breath. “Shiro, what do you need?”

There’s blood smeared across the plaster crumbling from the wall. She’ll clean that up too, in time, and it’ll be as though it never happened. When she asks what do you need? she’s not looking for reason. Reason didn’t make that hole.

     Silent as Honey responds, Shiro listens. He does think that whether or not they see him as a liability in the future, however near or far off it may be, is important right now, but... what she says makes sense. The Garrison doesn’t know what to do with him, but he has information that they want ( that they need, the Galra are bound to come for them eventually--- ) so... they’re unlikely to do anything drastic while still working to understand everything. That’s enough to allow him a little more space in his chest to breathe. For right now, anyway.

Eyes drawn back down to his now-bandaged knuckles as she continues, Shiro still doesn’t speak. This... He doesn’t want to focus on this, doesn’t want to think about it at all. Stopping himself from thinking had been the point of causing himself pain, however irrational and anger-fueled the decision had been.

     “ I-- ” He begins, and then he stops. ‘I don’t want to talk about this’ is what he wants to say, but... his own comfort isn’t the only thing that matters here. Honey’s is too, and Honey has a right to understand, or... to at least know why he’s done this. Why he’s acted in a way that’s nearly habit for him but considered unhealthy and not normal by the rest of society. Especially when she sounds so... afraid. Swallowing hard, as if to swallow down his arguments and his own fears, Shiro casts a glance up toward her face, though he can’t hold it. He certainly can’t make eye contact.

     “ I just... needed to stop thinking. I needed to get out of my head and stay in the present. My head wouldn’t-- it wouldn’t stop, and I got desperate and-- ...angry. ” Does that even make sense? It’s not exactly normal to have no control over your own thoughts, not to the extent that he’s been struggling with it today. How does he even explain what he’s been experiencing? The intrusive memories and thoughts, those feelings like this is just some dream, like he isn’t actually back on Earth--- Eyebrows pinch more closely together, and his fingers flex in Honey’s hand as he fights the urge to ball them into a fist. 

          “ The pain is grounding, sometimes. ”

#i'm screaming!!!! another horrible angst thread!!!! u get me #god though this is so much shorter than urs ugh #bombatea #ᵐᵃᶤᶰ: ˢᵘʳʳᵒᵘᶰᵈᶤᶰᵍ ᵃˡˡ ᵐʸ ˢᵘʳʳᵒᵘᶰᵈᶤᶰᵍˢ ( bombatea / / honey. ) #ᵛᵉʳˢᵉ: ᵖʳᵉᵗᵉᶰᵈ ˡᶤᵏᵉ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵗʰᶤᶰᵍ'ˢ ᶰᵒʳᵐᵃˡ ( alternate ending. ) #ptsd / #self harm /

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dox. ( samsara? )

Since Dox kicked the kid out, there hadn’t been any real chance to see him— not that Dox had been TRYING TO. But even since 5liip’s passing and Dox’s overtaking the gang, there hadn’t been many chances to interact with Fifteen. The most he’d had to do with the guy until now had been whenever 5liip showed up to talk, frequently uninvited, and dropped comments of how well the boy had been doing—

all those chats had served to do was aggravate Dox, who had no interest in hearing what 5liip had done to the boy he’d once begun to consider FAMILY—— but he sees now the PURPOSE of those talks.

It wasn’t bragging, it was ADVERTISING. 5liip knew that when he died Lobster would go with him, and he knew he had to leave a suitable Second for Dox to pick— he’d never been trying to ANGER Dox, but rather make his choice easier for THIS MOMENT.

                                                                 “ No, I… ”

A hand falls to sit atop  the papers tenderly, palms still SORE since the tattooing ;

                              “ I didn’t call you to talk about these. I wanted to ask you                                 how you’re taking the loss. S’just more family gone, huh ?”

There’s a sympathetic look, but beneath that his features are hardened, CALCULATING - he needs to know where Fifteen stands on this whole thing before making any offers ; needs to know the boy has a more stable head than 54M54R4 does right now.

5liip had claimed Fifteen the IDEAL SOLDIER, transformed into a gang member with a clear, calm, OBEDIENT head, and Dox so desperately now needs that to be T R U E.

     Eyebrows only raise a touch to show his surprise when Dox brings up the actual reason for the conversation. Very much not what Shiro expected, but maybe the change of heart had brought back whatever friendly feelings the man had once held for him. The thought makes the emotional sting sharper; Dox had at one point almost felt like a brother to him, but that had all ceased the instant he joined {Black Bracket}. Dox wouldn’t even let him explain himself, wouldn’t hear a single word, had just kicked him out of the house and cut him out of his life. Just like that. Now suddenly he’s pro-gangs, so much so that he’s taken 5liip’s place, and all those months of hating him are forgotten? Now he cares again?

Wounded as he feels, Shiro knows better than to allow such a thing cloud his thoughts and his judgement. His personal feelings have no place in these circumstances. 5liip had taken him in and taken care of him, he trusts the man implicitly, so if Dox is his choice of successor... Shiro’s issues with him must be cast aside. His trust in Dox must be reinstated, transferred over from his trust in 5liip.

     “ Yeah. It’s been... hard, coming to grips with it. I miss him, ” he admits after a few seconds of hesitation, gaze lowering to the floor. 5liip had always seemed indestructible. He hadn’t believed it at first when he’d heard news of his death. He and Lobster had truly become his new family, and Shiro would be lying if he said the loss doesn’t hurt. Yet, he hadn’t joined Lobster or any of the other members in the tradition of joining the gang leader in death.

          “ But people die. Even people like 5liip. It’s part of life, but I’m not going to                let it get in the way of anything. There’s no point in letting it interfere with                my life or my duties. ”

#l a u g h s . . #i hate this sm #shiro's not even gonna hold dox accountable for what he did. his feelings don't matter!!! all that matters is that 5liip trusts him!!! #wow and i thought suicidal-but-not-allowed-the-freedom-of-death galra soldier shiro was fucked #that's nothing compared to manipulated by 5liip into a fucking weapon shiro smh smh #grimesucker #ᵐᵃᶤᶰ: ᵃˡˡ ᵐʸ ᶠʳᶤᵉᶰᵈˢ ᵃʳᵉ ʰᵉᵃᵗʰᵉᶰˢ ( grimesucker / / dox. ) #ᵛᵉʳˢᵉ: ᵍᵒᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᵉᵛᶤˡ ᵒᶰ ᵐʸ ˢʰᵒᵘˡᵈᵉʳ; ᶜᵃᶰ'ᵗ ˢᶤᶰᵏ ᵃᶰʸ ˡᵒʷᵉʳ ( undercity alt. )

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he'll confess only when he's Drunk that he tries to fight getting so close to Fifteen n' the slumbrats because he can't stand to lose any more people that MEAN more than a shit to him.

confess  / /  accepting                    »» @grimesucker

     Dealing with drunk people is something that he’s only started learning how to do since initially arriving in the Undercity. It’s only ever been Dox, and it’s not frequent enough for him to have the hang of it yet. He still feels awkward when the man acts so unlike himself, when there’s no predicting what he’ll do or say next, although he has gotten better at guiding the guy to bed when it starts to get late or he tries to drink more. When Dox hits the point that he slurs his speech, that he starts to say things he likely wouldn’t say on a normal day while sober, Shiro has no idea how to tell what to believe and what to discard as random, intoxicated babbling.

This time, however, he doesn’t have to wonder if what’s said is the truth. It is, he knows instantly that it is, and it draws him to a pause in the middle of cleaning up the mess his drunk friend has made of the ‘living room.’

     “ …I get that, ” he replies quietly, like he’s afraid that if he speaks any louder, Dox will stop being so openly honest with him. Shiro can look at things from the other’s perspective, he can understand it to a degree, but he doesn’t personally see the appeal. Losing the people who mean everything to you is an area that he has experience in. He knows the agony. It’s not something he ever wants to live through again, and even the thought of losing Dox or the rest of the kids is enough to make him wince. But is avoiding that pain really a reason to separate yourself, to keep yourself from getting attached to anyone else?

     “ Don’t you think that loving and having people you’re close with makes it worth the risk, though? ” Empty bottle in hand, picked up from where Dox had discarded it on the floor, the boy takes a seat on the opposite end of the couch. His expression is empathetic, but there’s an earnestness in his eyes as he peers over. Metal fingers clink softly against the glass in his hand, an almost nervous drumming. 

          “ Losing the people who mean something to you is probably the               worst kind of pain, but… is avoiding it really worth the pain of a               constant state of loneliness? ”

#grimesucker #ᵐᵃᶤᶰ: ᵃˡˡ ᵐʸ ᶠʳᶤᵉᶰᵈˢ ᵃʳᵉ ʰᵉᵃᵗʰᵉᶰˢ ( grimesucker / / dox. ) #ᵃᶰˢʷᵉʳᵉᵈ ( asks. ) #ᵛᵉʳˢᵉ: ᶤ'ᵐ ᵃ ᵖʳᵒ ᵃᵗ ᶤᵐᵖᵉʳᶠᵉᶜᵗᶤᵒᶰˢ ( undercity. ) #dox will u ever be open with him about Real Shit when ur not shitfaced

[silentconfliction]

Confess something to my Muse.

#I'm!!! just staring blankly at my dash!!! #how do u write drafts...... #ᵖʳᵒᵐᵖᵗˢ ( ask meme. )