specialsituationsgroup

[specialsituationsgroup]

Me: *agonizing over whether a semicolon goes here, what the proper dialogue should be there, other assorted rules and semantics*

Terry Pratchett: "!" said the stranger.

THAT'S ALLOWED?

[specialsituationsgroup]

maskerade (1995)

[specialsituationsgroup]

It’s not a Discworld joke unless you read it, don’t parse it as a joke, and then carry on with your life for ten years until someone stops you to say something like “It’s a pavlovian response because the dog ate a pavlova” and you scream Terry’s name with enough indignant rage you hope it rattles the pillars of the multiverse so wherever his soul is he’ll hear it.

[specialsituationsgroup]

Hogwarts houses are out. Unseen University disciplines are in. Choose your side

Indefinite studies

Recent Runes

Inadvisably Applied Magic

Cruel and Unusual Geography

Post Morthem Communications

Applied Astrology

Approximate Accuracy

Applied Anthropics

Extreme Horticulture

Liberal studies

Illiberal Studies

Morbid Bibliomamcy

Recondite Architecture and Origami Map Folding‎

Recondite Phenomena

Slood Dynamics

Esoteric Studies

Wooly Thinking

Op you forgot-

[specialsituationsgroup]

Reading a Terry Pratchett book is literally just: Here's a funny little joke Here's something that you can tell is a joke but don't get and will only figure out five years later Here's a surprisingly cool fantasy concept Here's a unique and well written simile Here's a lil guy Here's something that has aged depressingly well into the modern day Here's something that has aged remarkably queer into the modern day Here's a character that you can barely understand what he's saying Here is the most terrifying and deeply disturbing concept you have ever heard, casually mentioned Here is the dumbest fucking pun you've ever heard but in the best way Here is a quote so profound that it makes you view morality and the world in a different way Here is a plot twist that you can't tell if it's genius or stupid Congratulations! You've finished the book! It has fundamentally changed you as a person and you will never be the same!

[specialsituationsgroup]

ok so hear me out

[specialsituationsgroup]

[specialsituationsgroup]

Blind Io. Character from the books "Discworld" by T. Pratchett.

Слепой Ио. Персонаж книг "Плоский мир" Т. Пратчетта.

[specialsituationsgroup]

Hello! Meet Patrician Vetinari! And wait for new characters from the Discworld)

Привет! Встречайте патриция Витинари! И ждите новых персонажей по Плоскому миру)

[specialsituationsgroup]

Predatory flamingo

#discworld #vetinari #disneyfied #disneyfied discworld #sketch #my skecth #gnu pterry

[specialsituationsgroup]

There are no excuses for me

[specialsituationsgroup]

i. Sam Vimes dies at nineteen, and not in his bed. The People’s Republic dies with him, blood on the streets and blood in the river and blood in Sam’s hair, matted to the cobblestones his feet will never learn to read through his boots, and that’s life. He dies, and the Republic dies with him, and that’s life, because life, as Sam knew even at that age, isn’t fair. When they find his body, no one recognises him, and he is buried not in the grave of the unknown soldier but merely in the grave of the unknown, the tombstone which marks his final resting place left blank, eerie. When the springtime comes the lilac blooms and they remember. When he died, he died for nothing, as all men do. He died crying and afraid and for nothing, and when he died, the Republic died with him.

Without him, Vetinari dies at the end of an assassin’s blade and the city they both died for doesn’t see a real democracy for a thousand years.

But that’s life, and life’s not fair. 

ii. Sam Vimes dies at twenty-nine, and not in his bed. He dies in a gutter, and is truly forgotten, Nobby and Fred the only mourners at his graveside, a true watchman’s funeral. He dies, as all men must die, and certainly all men who drink twice as much as anybody’s liver could reasonably handle. Nobby cries and Fred pretends he doesn’t, and they flip a coin to decide who becomes Captain now. Both outcomes, be assured, are equally disastrous. 

His ancestor, the Kingkiller, becomes a footnote in history, and he too is forgotten in time. There are no more republics in Ankh-Morpork, and no more kingkillers either, and the city feels the weight of a lacuna no-one knows how to name. The city greys and dies, and there is no justice in its streets, no bravery in its hidden little cloisters. The city herself becomes forgotten, and even her gods die.

Deep beneath the earth, in what was once a little cemetery by the Ankh, there is a stirring. But that, for once, is another tale.

iii. Sam Vimes dies at thirty seven, and not in his bed. He stands up to a dragon, to the Patrician, and above all, to himself, but is caught by a piece of falling masonry as the battle rages forth. His city burns, and burns, and dragonfire spreads across the world, leaving nothing in its wake but suffering and death.

In the never-dark, they whisper: a man held his sword to the dragon, once, long ago. If he did it– if he did it. Can we?

They don’t even know his name, but it doesn’t matter. Sam Vimes was born to inspire revolutions. They don’t need him to be living to bear his name. They don’t even need his name at all.

The world burns, but fire fights fire, and, when all is said and done, what else was Sam Vimes but that? 

iv. Sam Vimes dies at forty eight, and not in his bed. He dies with a demon under his skin, after he changed the world, or most of it, perhaps even saved it, run ragged by the Summoning Dark, because the human body has limits and he’s tested them once too often to make it through this time. He dies in agony, the second most powerful man in Ankh-Morpork, the veins of his eyes shot black as night and the scar on his wrist pools blood into the dust of Koom Valley, and what use is money and power when you’re a vessel for a demi-god, or at least something like it, and he’s too human, much too human, in the end, to make it through. 

When his blood touches the ground, it sizzles. Vetinari kneels beside his corpse, and does not say that he died a hero, because he would never insult him that way. From a mountaintop, he looks down and sees the mark scored into the earth, his friend’s body the epicentre.

“This place belongs to Him now, and is protected forever,” says a grag, and Vetinari feels the initial more than hears it.

“A copper, even in death,” Vetinari does not say, for his breath catches in his throat, and some things are beyond words, even for him.

v. Sam Vimes dies at sixty nine, and not in his bed. He dies with a crossbow bolt in his heart, stepping clean between the Patrician and certain death, an automatic reflex that he would have done consciously, if that sort of time constraint had left him with the illusion of choice– and perhaps it did, time slowed down so palpably he could count every white eyelash, every thread on Vetinari’s collar. He always knew he would die for this man. He always knew he would die for this city. Same difference.

“Don’t you dare, Sam,” says Vetinari, and Sam opens his mouth to say, oh, piss off–

VIVE LA REPUBLIQUE, says a voice, and two eyes that are not eyes shine like the implosion of galaxies in the dark.

“What?” says Sam, which is odd, without a mouth.

YOU ARE THE KINGKILLER, says Death, THE LEADER OF THE REVOLUTION. WE HAVE MET BEFORE. DO YOU NOT REMEMBER?

“And now I’m sodding dead!” says Sam, “Don’t tell me Heaven’s bloody real. Another king, all I fucking need.”

THERE IS NO HIERARCHY IN WHAT COMES AFTER, says Death, and Sam smiles.

“Finally,” says Sam, that great weight slipping away for the very first time, “Well then. I might get a bloody rest.”

[specialsituationsgroup]

One more night watch thing))

[specialsituationsgroup]

He’s a 10 but he’s been keeping Leonardo da Vinci locked up in his attic like Mr Rochester

[specialsituationsgroup]

Serialised Sherlock Holmes adaptation which meticulously reproduces all of Arthur Conan Doyle's continuity fuckups, at first seemingly out of excessive concern for fidelity to the source material. Eventually, it's revealed that we're actually looking at a pair of extremely similar parallel universes, each with its own almost-but-not-quite-identical Holmes and Watson duo, played by the same actors.

In the back half of the series, a plot by Time-Travelling Omni-Moriarty threatens both universes, obliging the Holmeses and Watsons of each universe to team up with their counterparts to stop him; the particulars of this portion of the story are such that understanding what the hell is going on critically hinges on the audience's ability to keep track of which nearly-identical Holmes or Watson is which.

The ultimate resolution involves outsmarting Moriarty by having the Watson with the war wound in his leg and the Watson with the war wound in his shoulder secretly switch places, deliberately framed in such a way that, as far as the audience can tell, there was no conceivable opportunity for them to have done so.

[specialsituationsgroup]

The Granny Weatherwax quote about all evil being rooted in seeing people as things has resonated with me since I first read it, to the point that I've added it to my personal ethos. Just now, however, I've realized something important about this idea that never occurred to me before:

It applies not only to how you see others, but how you see yourself.

I realized today that I've been treating myself as an object for... I don't even know how long. I guess being treated as replaceable equipment by The Economy™️ and almost every job I've had will do that, but it's scary how much a part of me has accepted this notion even as I've been fighting it.

I had come to behave as though I were a beater car, in need of extensive repairs before it could be seen in public without shame. I held off on so much of my life because I thought I had to fully fix myself before I could start trying to be happy.

This. Is. Not. True.

I have to believe it's not true, because I can't keep slogging through life in pursuit of some nebulous standard of presentability. If I keep limiting myself to surviving long enough to be Good Enough, I will never really live.

I could go on with an extended metaphor, but I think that would defeat the purpose, so. Yeah.

People aren't things. This means you. This means me.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[specialsituationsgroup]

A decade later and this is still one of the funniest things ever