squiddkidd

[squiddkidd]

the beast hungers

#see this is real im not even gonna lie #unfortunately im mosb's number one hater though 😔 #lc

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straight guy geologist describing a vertically oriented igneous intrusion to his buddy: it’s a . well. i’m not sure i can reclaim this one just get over here

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Hello! And Welcome to Taskmaster! Please welcome our five contestants! And next to me, a man who once told me in confidence that his wife has filled his house with chintz. To keep it real I fuck him on the floor. It's little Alex Horne!

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Should I break up with my roommate? We’re not dating or anything but the friendship is getting a little homoerotic and I’m scared of intimacy

Get more homoerotic

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....That middle aged man.... will be MINE (my eyes start glowing red and i spread my wings one is white one is black before vanishing into a black mist)

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i love six o clock because the clock looks so stupid. "|" like get real

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#audio

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he definitely fucks but there’s no way he fucks normal

#heh yeah im magic in bed. is this your card?

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disco elysium is kafkas metamorphosis for the modern age. no one is scared of becoming a bug anymore. the true nightmare? waking up one day and finding out your a cop

#de

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#its important to have hobbies

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#dbd

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>at feminism conference

>first male speaker in event's 50 year history

>great and terrible honor

>nervous

>get on stage

>40,000 people staring at me in silence

>all girls

>nervous

>introduce myself

>silence

>shakily bring up first slide of PowerPoint

>"things that I think women like, based on listening to women for 30 years"

>silence

>could hear a pin drop

>somewhere in the crowd a gun is cocked

>deep breath

>next slide

>"Whip-Its"

>deafening silence

>oh god

>I'm done for

>it's so over

>suddenly

>a slow clap

>slow clap builds to a few dozen claps

>few dozen builds to hundreds

>thunderous applause from all 40,000 women

>"finally!" they say

>oh shit

>tenative confidence

>next slide

>"Video games"

>applause continues

>women are stomping their feet

>hooting

>hollering

>next slide

>"treats sometimes"

>cheering

>whistles

>crowd of women chanting

>next slide

>"end of presentation. thank you for listening"

>women applaud me off stage

>pass the upcoming presenter back stage

>is a woman who is going to do magic tricks with a lion

>"thanks for getting them warmed up rookie"

>oh fuck do women like magic tricks

>magician goes on stage

>the women fucking love the magic tricks with a lion

>every day I learn more about women

[squiddkidd]

I heard Worst-Dad-Award nominations are out

#stabdads #spades slick #diamonds droog

[squiddkidd]

Blasphemous Act

“Holy places are no longer sanctuary from death, and death is no longer sanctuary from anything.” —Thalia, Knight-Cathar

Artist: Daarken TCG Player Link Scryfall Link EDHREC Link

#save me blast act save me #mtg