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stamanikaiyaroi · 6 years

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Hi Guys,I am so sorry i have been quite lately, i just wanted to be alone at the moment. Whereby i dont want anyone by side.And yes i really appreciate for you all being there for me from day one. But for the time being i would just love to be alone until i recover myself. But i have found out that after all the problems that i faced by myself it has encouraged me to work even harder than i thought (I am sorry i am crying while typing this email). But here goes nothing guys: This question I struggle with, thinking of the future and where I see myself is hard. Five years can easily go by fast, but on paper it was a challenge. Talking about the present is much easier to elaborate. You never really know the outcome. Setting new goals in place to become more successful. Where I see myself in five to ten years I don’t really know. I can honestly say if I was asked this question during an interview I would fail. I haven’t really gave it much thought. Now imagining five to ten years from now I have passed all my classes and graduated from USP Bachelor of Arts in Environment Management. My goal is to one day own a home, with a nice backyard, and start a vegetable garden. Raising my kids (that's if i have one, but the the look of it that i wont able to do it) will be longer than ten years, but the most important thing to me is you and the whole family and friends. I want to make sure that all of u gang have the stability, security, and educational needs (thats wen all of u gang come and crash my house wen u all needed a place to live wen u are drunk and stuff like that. But u all know that my heart will always open for the love and comfort to you all my friends). Therefore the next ten years I will have my work cut out for me. My life five years ago is completely different from the current one. I was less stressed, and living life happily. I had more time to socialize and go out with friends. Those days were good, wasted time watching TV or taking naps. I try now to spend each day wisely and study hard to achieve a better outcome of my future. Now I’m unemployed and going to college more than sixteen hours a week. This time seems that I start taking life seriously and making responsibility and educated choices. I realize that up until now has only been practice. I am beginning to do things for myself. I must work very hard to provide a better future for my whole family including you and Aunty Mita and the gang in Knolly too. I embrace these struggles and learn from them. I am driven by determination and I am passionate in almost everything I do. I want to be satisfied with my decisions to be able to accept and forgive, and most of all to be able to live up to my expectations i have for myself. I will only accomplish my goal in being happy with you all and able to live my life for myself and able to love and support others. I've learned so much in the past years staying with you all. There have been many challenges that i had faced but i have learned not to give up. Ten to 15 years from now i will look back as a proud teenage young girl knowing i wont give up. My plans in the future is having a great job and with a loving family (friends that you all) whose going to support me in my good and bad times. I have begun to realize that i have yet to begin my life everything up until now has been practice, as if i have been in a cage and it is only now that i am beginning to break free and do things to myself. I must really work hard to give you all a better future so it will be easier for me to concentrate more in school, because without education there's really no future for anyone. Isn't that right? Just like Jessie J's song "PERSONAL" ..... 'When you fall in love,You can't help it when you act like a fool,When you look aboveYou see the reasons why we do what we do'........Now I'm wondering They can tell that I've been crying all night? 'Cause I told myself I don't love you, though I know it's a lie 'Cause I do But the questions I hope I’ll continue to wrestle for the rest of my life is “A man never steps in the same river twice. For he is not the same man and it’s not the same river.” — Heraclitus. Understandably, there was a lot of trepidation as a 20 year-old trying to find a place in the world. I’m definitely more certain today; of how life is inherently uncertain, and how much more there is to know and how little I do know. Because of that, there is a lot of trepidation today. Understandably.Even though I change as I grow, I guess many of us never really change on the innermost level, but I simply develop layers and tones superposed on that core and become a different version of myself.It’s strange, isn’t it? To look back at our younger selves and to feel that a version of yourself can be so distant and unfamiliar, when that person couldn’t be more you than you, and at one point was the version of you. And that someday in the future, I’ll look back and feel exactly the same way about who I am now.Back to the email. I haven’t looked at it in a while, and since I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now. Anyways, i know this long guys but i am being truthful now about what i feel and see in the future. Typing this has made me wanting to do a blog abut this. Past few nights, i have been crying and praying(having restless nights) abut my life and asking god to calm myself down and all. I still feel heart broken right now thats why i wanted to be alone from now. And yes, this is how i see myself in the future being alone and all after what had happened this week. I sorry if it took long thou. But i will still love you all and always cause all of were the first people i feel in love with in school. But anyways thats all i have to share with you all, i hope i will be healed as soon as possible. And i hope you all will understand what i am facing right now. But i am still on the verge of thinking abut it. Love, Hugs and Kisses

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