suburban-mom-helen

[suburban-mom-helen]

i hate when old people glare at me for a really long time like ok judith sorry that slavery isn’t legal anymore maybe u should go knit your deathbed now

[suburban-mom-helen]

[suburban-mom-helen]

#wow! #my jimmy does the same thing! #suburban mom

[suburban-mom-helen]

I have a ton of wine mom friends on Facebook and these kinds of posts show up all the time and I’m dying.

[suburban-mom-helen]

Okay so ya’ll joke about suburban moms of Facebook but…

[suburban-mom-helen]

look who just waltzed in last night and bOUGHT HIS FUCKING CHEERIOS

[suburban-mom-helen]

Oh Carolyn, you are terrible! 

#life hacks! #pta with the gals will be a bit more entertaining now! #suburban mom

[suburban-mom-helen]

Before you go throwing lies like a hoodlum, maybe you should go back to school and learn proper grammar. Oh wait, you had Sally before you could finish? Isn't that right? Richard can't save you from your past Deb, only Jesus our lord and saviour can.

you want the truth?

I lied, I gave little Billy Pepsi instead of milk like you asked for, I never read the final chapter in little women, and oh yea those crisp blue jeans I helped you pick out at winners last week? They did make your butt look fat

#suburban mom #justsuburbanmomthings #nice try

[suburban-mom-helen]

Watch your tone...

Wouldn't want your 6 years of pecan success to suddenly die away like you and Richard's sex life

#try me #go for it #suburban mom #what are you going to do now #justsuburbanmomthings

[suburban-mom-helen]

you want the truth?

I lied, I gave little Billy Pepsi instead of milk like you asked for, I never read the final chapter in little women, and oh yea those crisp blue jeans I helped you pick out at winners last week? They did make your butt look fat

#whos the real g now deb? #suburban mom #justsuburbanmomthings #i rooted for you #how do you like me now

[suburban-mom-helen]

A Successful Mom's Advice

1. Always make time for you and the hubby! Leave the kids with with Nanny Mary Lou for a day! 2. There us nothing that a little roast chicken can't fix ;) 3. Every hour can be yoga hour if you find time!

#suburban #mom #advice #mom advice #trust me #suburban mom

[suburban-mom-helen]

Don't test me

You think you can just go and insult my roast chicken? Well you can shove your pecan pie up my ass next baking in the burbs, DEBORAH

#dont you #my chicken is never bland #i dont even like pecans #i gave you a gold star for effort #and for what i thought was a friendship #suburban #suburban white mom

[suburban-mom-helen]

suburban-mom-deb you better bet Becky won't be coming to any PTA meetings ever again

Can Suburban Mom insults become a thing?

“It’s a ‘bake sale’, Judy, not a ‘baked-goods-you-bought-at-the-store sale.’”

“Oh, Diane! What an… interesting track suit! Such an… exciting color!”

“Karen, if I put you down for snacks at the PTA meeting next Tuesday, will you remember to bring them this time?”

“Oh, Carol, I heard Jackson made the honor roll! You know, Kevin’s been on it three years in a row, now? But this will only be your first bumper sticker, right?”

“See you on the soccer field sidelines, Helen.”

“Oh, Jan, you want to run the carpool? But don’t you have a station wagon? Maybe I should do it, I have a minivan.”

[suburban-mom-helen]

f3 perhaps?

[suburban-mom-helen]

#ya tyra! #you tell em!

[suburban-mom-helen]

Ok so I think ur confused about the meaning of the celebrate pride filter on your profile pic???

[suburban-mom-helen]

#relate