surviveds

[surviveds]

sorry that i've forgotten every character on this blog who isn't buck. he just makes up my entire brain now

#one week until a new episode i'm losing it #i can't believe we're this close already

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BUCK + instagram

#this took me too long but it's FINE #i need bts pictures of ol*ver and l*u that can pass as ig photos so badly #anyway. him. my bi king #ch: buck. #study: buck.

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buck adopts a fifteen year old named ivy just a few months before the lightning strike. their father dies on a call and the only other family they have is a transphobic grandmother who isn't even in a position to take care of a child because of her health, so bobby and hen help buck arrange for them to stay with him, temporarily at first... but they bond, of course, and buck ends up becoming their official foster parent.

#immediately dies for 3 minutes after this. great parenting #(i have to bully him. sorry) #anyway. he's getting another kid too. but i'm still working out those details #ivy's gonna exist in all universes because i love them and so does buck. he's shifting into dad mode #ch: buck. #study: buck.

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i'm about to give buck two kids. nobody move

#sorry he just needs to be a father

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buck is the kind of dork who would get two copies of a book so he and his partner could just sit together and read... have little discussions like a little book club

#reading together is an underrated intimacy. romantic or platonic #buck adores it #he is also the kind of dork to curate reading lists for his friends and partner #he tells eddie about sports history and military books he reads #he recs medical history and space things to hen #chim gets all the celeb memoirs/other pop culture related things #and he's always telling bobby about the wildlife and nature books he reads #i adore him.

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@itchose: i haven’t felt at home in this world. (travis + buck)

evan can't help but tense somewhat, the slightest shift in body language as travis speaks. it's not the first time they've hung out like this - watching the slow crawl of the sun as it sinks below the horizon, the sky awash in deep blues and rich purples and a fiery, mesmerizing red - but it's the first time travis has ever offered up anything beyond polite, hollow small talk. and evan is usually content with this dynamic: sitting quietly next to him, a gap he's too-aware of between them, a drink in hand as evan fills the silence, rambling about something inconsequential, typically reciting facts learned in whatever book he's been reading. he's favoring travel guides lately, as he wonders where he'll go next - though evan keeps delaying the decision. it's far from the longest he's stuck around a singular place, and ranching is fun, but he misses the ocean - so he's not sure why he lingers.

maybe it's something to do with him. evan doesn't look directly at travis, opting instead for what he hopes is a casual side-eye as he takes a swig of his beer, downing it in a careful swallow before replying in an even voice, "yeah?" he's trying so very hard not to push. but evan feels the questions burning, as they've done for weeks, and the desire to better understand travis is overpowering, so he can't really stop himself from continuing, though he manages to aim for something neutral, something that isn't too invasive. "shitty parents?" and there's sympathy heavy in the question, because evan gets it. "in my experience, they have a way of making you feel... out of place."

#itchose #hehe. #going with calling him evan here since TECHNICALLY he wasn't buck yet in this era. #ch: buck. #thread: buck.

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rewatched the tsunami arc today and it just had me thinking about buck and his chronic pain again. because you know he was going through it then

#i guess i understand why they don't really acknowledge any lingering pain from buck once we move on from his injury/the lawsuit/etc but #i'm simply not going to do that. skjnfdsj #i think buck does struggle to talk about it when it flares up because he's afraid of peoples' reactions #(mainly afraid they'll think he needs a break. which. sometimes he definitely does) #but. at the same time. he does realize he needs to talk about it a little bit #he just always underplays it #anyway. many buck thoughts. i want to talk about his chronic pain in threads eventually <3 #rewatching is crazy because it's just making me even more in love with him. somehow. how is that possible

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jade tugs harshly at his own hair, as if the action will somehow shake loose a thought, help him make sense of something. he swears he can still feel and smell the blood that'd drenched him earlier, thick and viscous as it drips down his nose, and he has the sudden urge to scream again building in his throat: a desire he quells by gulping down the last of the godawful moonshine he'd snagged from that sorry excuse of a bar. (no goddamn ghosts in it, though, so maybe it's not so bad, he thinks bitterly.) the burn brings tears to his eyes, a welcome distraction, and through the bleariness, he stares at the mess of black ink on the page, only halfheartedly committed to this conversation, despite initiating it.

"cagey isn't the word i'd use." there's a dozen others that come to mind, none even remotely kind, but jade doesn't elaborate further, miraculously, attention caught by something in jessica's tone that actually prompts him to look up, to really see her. squinting, jade closes his notebook, folds his arms across his chest as he says, "oh, and you do?" the challenge is heavy, and he seems to actually be waiting for a beat before cutting through the silence again, ever enamored with the sound of his own voice, fueled by the belief he really is the smartest person in the room - or town, in this case. "god, it's almost sad - no, actually, it's just pathetic, how they've... built something here." his rage at it is burning, a fire even brighter than the moonshine's aftertaste, though that, he almost misses, as he studies the now-depleted bottle dejectedly.

"i couldn't care less what you're being," he says. carelessly, jade turns the bottle on its side, rolls it across the table, allowing it to fall off the far edge, and feeling almost disappointed that it lands with only a thud and not the satisfying crack of breaking glass. "but if you have to ask that, maybe you're not as smart as i thought."

@surviveds said, "you’re not like the others. but you know that, don’t you?"

❝  what, cagey? ❞ she scoffs, rubbing her hand at her forehead, still exhausted, not even from the place she's in now but what she was running from. this was not the home she expected to return to, but then again - did she even have a home anymore? not one that she felt like she could find any peace in, nor was it something she even knew how to long for anymore. until now, at least, because this was not a place to make a home, no matter how comfortable people were here. ❝  everyone's got a lot to say, but you notice they've got no real answers? ❞ maybe she is like them, in some sense, because that's how she always approaches things, keeping her cards too close.

❝  i don't know about that. the community they've got here . . . i can't say it's for me. ❞ all of them coming together amidst a tragedy, if that's what they call this, seems like the very opposite of how jessica's always found herself in her darkest moments before. she'd rather be on her own, like that would be more productive, even if she can't possibly have all the answers for once. ❝  you think i'm being too obvious? come on. do you really trust these people? ❞

#he's just choosing violence ig #are they gonna kill each other or something (me any time someone talks to jade) #itchose #ch: jade. #thread: jade.

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working on things over on @civicrepublic 👍

#tumblr fl*gged me for no reason first two times i tried to make that blog but it seems i'm getting lucky this time #still major buck brainrot but. of course t/wd is a big chunk of my brain too

[surviveds]

can people please start calling buck "buckaroo" again

#i rewatched the s2 finale earlier and i'm still so hurt. i love you buck

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it surprises buck, when he realizes just how much he wants this: alden's easy smile flashing in his direction, the soft, comforting sound of his voice carrying across the bar. he'd convinced himself, however fleetingly, that he'd be fine with a bit of moping quietly, downing a few drinks before making the sad crawl back home - but it's nice, this, even if some part of buck thinks alden's just operating from some sense of obligation.

but, he realizes as well, he hopes alden isn't; that it's a genuine interest, a sincere concern. and maybe it is - they've always been friendly, after all, haven't they? he decides the answer's yes, and it eases his shoulders down from where they'd hunched up to his ears, a sudden release of tension in buck's spine that he hadn't registered until it's gone, and the relief of it has him leaning forward, snorting softly as a smile grows, saying with an unmistakable pride: "longer than i planned to. but i guess i was good at it... halfway, at least." his nose scrunches, a warmth flooding his chest as he recalls those months in south america, and how good it'd felt to provide for people. maybe that's when the notion of serving even further first sparked in his mind; buck's never quite been able to pinpoint it for certain. i fell into it, he always says, when someone asks how he came to his line of work - but he knows that's not entirely true. he'd wanted something more for a while.

"i stopped when i came to the city, actually," buck continues. his drink is half-abandoned, only a cursory thumb sliding across the bottle, swiping at the condensation; his eyes are focused on alden, fully attentive, undeniably grateful for the company, and as alden's gaze trails to the side, buck makes a point not to follow his eyes, not wanting to see the space that he can't help but feel.

his leg begins to bounce nervously, and buck nods once, curtly, a silent thanks. "so, what, you never drink on the job?" it's teasing, head tilting, buck arching a brow in a faux-challenge. "you really do got me beat in this gig, then. i took a lot of shots with customers... in hindsight, that was probably stupid." a common refrain in buck's life, but he's learned to embrace it.

a sudden dryness settles in his mouth, and buck reaches for the beer, takes a long swig, swishes it around in his mouth, until the taste is bitter. he contemplates for a beat longer before finally swallowing, shrugging, hoping to not seem as defeated as he feels. "hey, your company's just fine, alden. i promise." and he hope it doesn't seem overly-familiar, too fond, but buck can feel the sweetness in his throat, and he knows his face is betraying him. "it's just... work stuff. uh, work-friend stuff. well - i mean - they're definitely more than that." he can't help but cringe, full-bodied, sucking on his teeth as he laughs at himself. "yeah, sounds a little lame when said out loud, huh? it's really not that serious, i guess. it just... sucks. you know?"

alden’s patient,  just as he is with anyone,  because even the simplest questions aren’t always ones any of his customers want to be asked.  and he respects that, too—  but he also wants to give them someone to talk to, if needed, no matter how much of a nuisance it can be some nights.  never with him,  nor with his usual companions,  though—  which is why he hopes to give him some kind of comfort,  in whatever form he may need,  because alden’s perceptive enough to understand that something’s on his mind,  whether or not he wishes to speak on it.

he scoffs,  a charming grin on his features as he waves him off.  ❝  s’pose not,  but i’m choosin’ to,  anyway,  huh?  ❞   he asks,  raising a brow back at him as he hopes that reassures him.    he’s intrigued as buck goes on, softly humming as he thinks it over.   ❝ i can see that, ❞   he notes,   having paid enough attention to him to gather that he’s someone who does like to talk,  to anyone from friends to strangers.   ❝  you bartend for a long time?  ❞   he asks,  many more questions arising after as he wonders how he got from there to where he is now.   

alden’s hands rest against the counter as he looks to the seats next to buck.  after a moment,  he lets out a small sigh,  looking back to him.  ❝ well,  doesn’t have to be totally alone,  ❞    he insists,  reaching for his own glass of water behind the bar,  a playful grin tugging at his lips.   ❝  sure,  water on the rocks may not be quite the same thing,  ❞    he teases,  lifting his glass up.   ❝  but you’ve got my company,  anyway,  for whatever it's worth, ❞   he assures,   glancing behind him.  it’s a quiet night in the bar, anyway, so keeping his focus on buck is easy.   ❝ — plans fall through?  ❞

#he's so dramatic. god. can he ever be normal #doomdays #ch: buck. #thread: buck.

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me logging on

#hi i'm here #i watched this interview last night and im just. full of thoughts about buck

[surviveds]

EVAN BUCKLEY in 9-1-1 7.05 "You Don't Know Me"

#ch: buck. #visuals: buck.

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me logging on

#why does his regular voice sound 10x deeper

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we ate the dark by mallory pearson sentence starters (part one)

this place creeps me the fuck out.

we should head home.

i can stay, if you need me to.

are you staying for dinner?

a watched pot never boils.

were you seeking something more? did you ever find it?

maybe i hexed you.

you should eat something.

you have a terrible sense of humor.

do you need some help?

sorry. didn't mean to scare you.

let me zip you up.

being in this room makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

you are very brave. you're not afraid of shit. you're killing it right now.

there's plenty of suffering to go around here.

i want to find whoever did this, and i want to kill them.

they love you so much.

can't you at least feel a little excited that we're all together again?

it's like watching a robot mimic human behavior.

i hate the son of a bitch, but everyone is innocent until proven guilty here.

what's wrong? why did you run?

i don't have to explain myself to you.

i don't owe you anything.

it sucked without you here.

i didn't know you felt that way.

i think it's better if i go now.

i'm just trying to do the right thing.

it's time to commit a crime!

did you sleep out here all night?

i just didn't want to be at home.

#m.

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oliver is 6'2" but sometimes i'm like. that's too short for buck

#but also is he actually 6'2 because tommy is definitely taller and lou is also 6'2???? #i was thinking about making buck 6'4'' but. hm

[surviveds]

Avi Nash as Lukas Kyle in Silo — 1.05 “The Janitor’s Boy”

#i still need to finish book 3 and do a rewatch. but. 🥰 #ch: lukas. #visuals: lukas.