#& i wanted him to just bear my existence bc we didnt click at all. so i wanted to be as attractive as possible to him.

[vzajemnik]

looking at pics of myself from a year ago makes me so sad lol

#🗞️ #the cissona was real ....... #but like. you can be trapped in a cissona but you can make the cissona gay. somehow ive straightened myself out to a point of where+ #my new friends seeing those pictures of me r like thats not u that person is literally straighter than me (i dont have many queer friends-_ #& im like. 😬😬hahaaa....... #i wanted to say idk why i even trapped myself like that but i was literally helplessly in love with a straight dude #to whom i was just the other woman #& i wanted him to just bear my existence bc we didnt click at all. so i wanted to be as attractive as possible to him. #STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #and also my inner monologue looked like. i know i could be happier but id rather be a fraud and attractive than true to myself & ugly. girl #me 2021-2022 get help......... what even is that mentality............. #anyway now im better i think. its a recent development i literally stopped going after straight guys at the end of may. so. #then i read stone butch blues and now here we are. very confused but at the end of the day. the cissona is gone #if im being honest im scared ill bump into that guy bc of whom i developed this severe of a cissona bc although its been a year since #we havent seen each other. im still so down bad. we havent talked in a year and a half💀 #and ill put on the cissona again #ahnywayz hope you all are having a good night