#<- how tf do i tag this. sorry. jow do you tag eating disorders

[strawberrybabydog]

i hate having an eating disorder because its an evil disorder that truly makes everyone in your life hate you

progressives view you as a failure because you succumbed to beauty standards, so you're a bad person for implying you would look ugly if you were fat

conservatives view you as a failure because not eating is a moral failing, and you cant be part of the sisterhood if you're too skinny, because women percieve you as a threat

and thats it. thats all they see. all anyone can see from me is a self-hating fatphobe or a threat to women. nobody understands that i cant sit up in the morning without shaking because of malnutrition. nobody wants to listen when i tell them over and over my stomach has literally shrunk and i am physically incapable of eating big meals, which makes recovery impossible. nobody wants to hear that i'm eating meal replacements every single day just to stay alive. nobody wants to hear the discoveries ive made about how yes, beauty standards really are unachievable, and please nobody else try, because this is suffering. nobody wants to understand that i dont want to look or feel like this, that i didnt ask for this, that i did everything i could in all of my teen years to love myself so i wouldnt ever have to go through this. everyone stares at my body as if it's a political statement they're supposed to compare themselves too, when i never asked for this, so i cant even hang out with friends because i KNOW they'll take MY ED personally and direct their anger at me

every person who shamed my former fatness, who pushed me into making these decisions, hates me even more for being thin. every single person, no matter how "tolerant" they self-identify as, thinks shaming me for being thin, and implying this body is ugly and i was only truly beautiful before, is what will cure me. the same people who couldnt stop asking me "really? you're having MORE food?"

i guess the trick to having an eating disorder is to not have a body that other people can see in the first place

i dont even know why im talking about this here. as a last resort? ive had an ED for a year now and i havent got to talk about it even one fucking time because of this ^^^. and i expect the same response if any too LOL. i need fucking help or im going to die from malnnutrition but the only thing anyone cares about is whether or not i'd be sexy as fat (still prioritizing their own gaze.)

#its really fucked up too because i was like very sexy and hot as fat #i was also confident and generally felt good about myself #eating disorder #fatphobia #<- how tf do i tag this. sorry. jow do you tag eating disorders #not dog #personal #food #big feelings