#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 )

[bhaalswn-arch]

A massive(?) and detailed headcanon: As Alkas' brainstem had been damaged by Orin. ( As thanks to @feretra, I'm looking more deep into this so I can provide a more better-detailed kind of headcanon. But Alkas' memories weren't the only thing damaged. But also including / adding the possibilities of the fantasy-realm. How Alkas is Half-Mortal. How a necromancer has somewhat done her best to make sure that Alkas did not die. Mending him to the best of her abilities. ( Kressa Bonedaughter: "I remember finding you close to death, beaten black and blue on the floor of this sanctum. It must have been a few hours after the tadpole was placed in your skull. ) If Orin had also stabbed his C1 Spinal Cord. Then it is possible that some transmissions for sensory and such has been damaged or cross-wired. ( Half-Elf ( Orin ): How you screamed as my knife slit your skull, your brain juices sticky and sweet. ) That and the Tadpole itself. Plus depending on his healing process. As I think they were in the Pod for some time. Since Alkas was part of the Absolute. He was more closer to this. Closer to what would soon be the beginning of the game. )

It may not be 100% accurate as I am trying to put two and two together with this kind of stuff.

Alkas' somatosensory pathways have been damaged. ( Sensory receptors: Touch/Pain/Temperature. ) Because what has been done. Orin dug so much that damage was made. ( The spinothalamic tract is responsible for conveying pain and temperature information from the body to the brain. ) But they're not completely gone. It can be possible for it to be cross-wired, or that they simply disappear and come back. His lack of taste can come back and go.

So overall: A loss sense of touch / pain, maybe even temperature and perhaps even the loss sense of taste here and there. Certain things have been fixed????? Depending on what the Necromancer had done, and what could happen in the Mindflayer pod. We can also include Tadpoles as they're currently the stowaways in certain people's brains. So the Tadpole itself could help somewhat.

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 ) #[ 05 ] ── * STUDY ( 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 ) #( this post might be edited here and there to add more accurate stuff but overall I've just been throwing stuff together ) #( with what i've read ) #( in no way or form am i a medical professional IF SO. THIS WOULD SOUND DIFFERENT )

[bhaalswn]

Also, with the new current hair that I have. ( As seen in these images. ) This will become Alkas' hairstyle between Act 1 & Act 2. As during Act 1. His hair has previously been cut by the Necromancer, Kressa. As she had found him at the bottom of the Moonrise Towers and mended him and then used him for experimentation purposes. Before Kressa found Alkas, Alkas had been almost defeated and killed by Orin who tricked him. Orin appeared to look like Gortash and betrayed him right there and then. She had the upper hand and took the chance to dig, dig, dig that dagger right in the back of Alkas' neck. Hence, the possibility that Alkas has a C1 Spinal Injury. His perception of time is wonky and sometimes parts of his body will and can become numb. Even becoming numb to temperature. There was a mess of blood, and his long hair had been mangled and knotted due to the sheer violence and such.

So it was cut, by Kressa. And now it's currently like this. With an obvious scar, ugly and rigged, on the back of Alkas' neck.

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 )

[bhaalswn-arch]

I am suddenly thinking of something sad that may involve a lover or a singular one-night stand. ( As night stands would be a frequent thing in the past. Considering there would be some pent-up frustration. ) But to lay there - naked; bloodied; cheek pressed to the person's chest, ear to their heart. A few warm tears running down his cheeks. ( In the past he'd feel empty, but the present will be more different. ) But the urges won. Killing again, and again, and againagainagain, and soon to listen to that faint heartbeat as it slowly stops. Truth be told, I think Alkas would have a habit of listening to someone's heartbeat. Due to previous encounters/accidents.

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 ) #( It can be a rare thing but it's also a sad thing if Alkas really starts being dragged under by his vivid thoughts )

[bhaalswn-arch]

What I imagine the placement of all of Alkas' tattoos ( in the modern verse ) It's a mess, definitely and I'mma throw it under read more. But overall it is supposed to represent his art in a way. As his body is also a canvas in his mind. Gore/Roses. A mixture of both. Just imagine the roses there. Along with likely thorns as well.

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 ) #( and it goes down to his right leg and ends by the ankle or calf )

[bhaalswn-arch]

Reminder that this is something that Alkas had worn in the past. ( Got it from the Wiki. ) To hide his identity. Like a shadow in the dead of night while just wandering around, or following someone. ( Either studying their routes, etc or simply waiting for the right moment to strike them. )

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 )

[bhaalswn-arch]

i hate to say it but... choking him during sex would keep the dark urges at bay

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 ) #nsft #usft

[bhaalswn-arch]

The kinks that Alkas has ( or has discovered ): He has a praise kink, a worshipping/being worshipped kink, ( maybe a blood play kink ), a bondage kink probably, a bit of a choking kink. A biting kink. He likes being spooned, has a preference for someone to dominate him and such. ( Or in the canon ending he'll be more comfortable at the idea of dominating someone since a certain urge is completely gone from him. ) He's incredibly touch-starved and wants to be touched/to touch someone else. ( Even his love language would be surrounding the idea of physical touch, because he's touch-starved completely. ) And perhaps edging.

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 ) #nsft #usft

[bhaalswn-arch]

If there's a moth in Alkas' tent and he fails to, you know, take it out. He's sleeping in someone else's tent. Or closer to the campfire.

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 )

[bhaalswn-arch]

Like, I think Fel ( in the past ) would brush his Master's hair. It feels like something Fel would do in the matter while maintaining conversation. Saying things. Complimenting him. Praising. While Alkas sits in the tub. Slowly washing off the blood.

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 ) #( Fel is just wonderful at brushing and getting the knots out )

[bhaalswn-arch]

Alkas, can and will be a bit of a copycat. More so in his past than in the present. Considering how his life was lived most of the centuries. He's experience in magic. As you can tell by his various killings. He's experienced in writing when the Absolute thing starts. He simply has a different perception on what is what and so on and so forth. Think about it. You spend 100+ years doing what you were born to do. To be Bhaal's Chosen and such. To kill in his name. Rinse and Repeat. You know nothing else but the minor things in life. How to eat. To write. To clean up every once in a while. To be accompanied by Bhaalists and having discussions. Having arguments with your sister. Assassination attempts by Orin. Long hair brushed by Fel.

But there are things that Alkas won't understand, or does but not in certain contexts. Like being called beautiful. Is that word really is reserved for him? Or is it just a word. Can he be beautiful and call someone beautiful? Or the: I love yous. Because he never said it. He's heard it. So he can try and copy it. But it is a harder thing to copy.

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 ) #( casually talks about this to az and i' #i'm just sobbing ) #( alkas a lil copy cat )

[bhaalswn-arch]

Me, who should be sleeping. Also, me. The scars on his ankles are more prominent because victims tried to fight against them despite their current condition. He could say Alkas had previously played with his food. But there's been attempts, cutting at his ankles. Slash wounds. Stabs. Almost up to the calves. Depending on what armour he wore. Even if it was an illusion, a disguise, it does not prevent him from getting harmed.

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 ) #( there are others. not many. ) #( of course we remember the small burn scars on his fingers. 'cos he does goof up and burn himself ) #( and ofcourse the infamous back of the neck scar ) #( the most prominent )

[bhaalswn-arch]

Bhaal only lived to hunt and kill, the presence of the living instilling in him an overpowering desire for death and destruction. He was at all times a cruel, violent and hateful being, though his behaviour could vary from cold and calculating ruthlessness to a savage thirst for blood

And thus I like to think this will include Bhaalspawns, because they were part of Bhaal. Bhaal's divine soul is part of them, and his bad blood runs through them. Alkas sometimes will appear cold, calculating and ruthless. His tone will darken to the point where you feel like Alkas truly is not in control. Bhaalspawns are violent. I am also thinking of certain lines from Bhaal to Alkas: "I let you live because I can." Some similar lines perhaps like Bhaal had said to Bane and Myrkul. As Bhaal technically can kill Alkas. ( As he had done in Alkas' canonical ending. ) You do not know the power Bhaal still has despite him being dead. The punishments for Bhaalspawn for not doing what Bhaal had expected them to become. Alkas is or had been a compulsive murderer as well. ( As seen due to his actions. )

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 ) #( i'm slowly reading bhaal's wiki and such and putting two and two together )

[bhaalswn-arch]

I feel like, with the exhaustion and such, there's also a feverish state that Alkas would fall into? His entire body and mind is getting fatigued. His head is pounding. So I won't be surprised if he's feverish too. As his body ( or Bhaal himself ) is fighting and causing this mayhem in his own body. As this is different(?) to what other Bhaalspawns experience. But the absolute lack of control remains the same. And Alkas will try his hardest to fight it off.

I can imagine him trying to splash cool water on his face over by the wooden bucket they have. He also has his breathing exercises that he does. And to really fight it off is simply not resisting and killing someone that is one of your targets. We know to some extent on why Isobel was picked, to be slaughtered, is because of her position. Her light. Once she's dead, destruction will come forth again. Bhaal seeks such destruction after all. But the idea of sating such Urges via killing and performing ceremonies/rituals can also be a good way to quench Alkas' thirst. Even if it's temporary. So each ritual is performed every tenday.

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 )

[bhaalswn-arch]

Now this is something that I planned on writing and trying to convey my thoughts/assumptions onto here. It could be long, it could be not, depending on the things I remember. ( This is simply dwelling into manipulation/compliments. How one thing can affect the brain when you've been described as such for the most of your life. )

"Vile Master" / "Unlovable Carcass" / "Vile Self" / "Dear Rotted Master" / "Ruined Body" & So Much More.

Flattering remarks be damned. None exist in the Temple of Bhaal. Manipulation is key. It thrives as much as it thrives on the spilled blood that drips from innocent bodies that run down the streets and down into the Temple. You were raised with raw obedience. No recollection of your childhood in your mind. Forgotten. Eroded. You live in your ruined body to serve and obey. To be your true vile self. You were watched, constantly. You were Bhaal's Chosen. Expectations were met and exceeded with every tenday. All your life you have been consumed by words and actions. Of hushed manipulation that is whispered into your ears. The cruel influence that soon turned you into the sin incarnate / cruel incarnate. You're disgusting and cruel. Your hands were created to destroy. To be blood-sullied. Dripping in what makes you sated and to honour your own God. To constantly be reminded of the tales of: Uthaedeol the Blood-drenched and many others. So many tainted words had been burrowed deep into Alkas' brain. That he cannot see himself as anything but unlovable and disgusting. Love is not part of what Bhaal is.

You're a wretched thing. You're tainted and horrible. You're nauseating and sickening. You're murderous and sinful. You're a wreck, or a shuddering/shivering mess. You're anything but beautiful nor handsome. You're not what other people say to each other. Such words spoken has soon transformed you into a Thing. As Bhaal intended. You were destined to have a cruel fate. Your brain working overtime to plan out every step in order to calculate every death every tenday.

If you were ever met with the word/compliment of being called beautiful. You wouldn't know what to do with it. You'll be too stunned to ask. To even contemplate on such a definition because it does not fit you. ( Or did it? Did it fit you? No. ) No one has complimented you. Not in terms of actual genuineness. Manipulation? Yes. But not in the way you think. But to be praised and make it sound genuine breaks the cycle.

It'll make him feel like a person, as you treat him as a person and not a thing.

"You're beautiful" / "Your smile is crooked yet unique" / "Your laugh is amazing." / "You look lovely today."

Sometimes Alkas will fail to believe it, and despite even his memory loss. It's probably dug in so deep into his brain that he may not forget it. Not when there is actual monologue of such words. ( ex. "unlovable carcass" ) and acknowledging how much had been said between him and Fel. To hear such words once again and feeling utterly familiar.

In the end. What do other people see in you? Do they see you as a Thing? Cruel. Disgusting. An animal. Someone who'd been swallowed up in the Darkness. Or do they see you as a Person? Handsome. Cunning. Someone who wanted to be better.

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 ) #( this took long but-- ) #( i may add more to the list of what has been said via “compliments” )

[bhaalswn-arch]

Also since I took the bd/sm test for Alkas-- well. Here's the results:

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 ) #nsft #usft #( like az said: the prince of murder is in fact a bottom ) #( alkas is quite the switch. leans for bottom though ) #( but overall sex doesn't happen often due to the dark urges and possible murders ) #( though it is rare )

[bhaalswn-arch]

Again, this song. ( Even though Sunday has passed and now it's 2 in the morning. ) I want to base a headcanon around this song. Especially some of the lyrics:

You only get one night upon the shore So dance like you've never danced before And the dance floor is filling up with blood But oh, Lord, you've never been so in love

Romance would be considerably harder and difficult for someone like Alkas. Considering his life up to this point. Not when your life is owned by Bhaal himself. So it's hard to do something so normal. But it doesn't mean Alkas can't fall in love. He will. He definitely will. He's not immune to it. The "dance" becoming something like love. The "filling up with blood" turning into something like hurting his lover/crush or murdering them. And: "oh, Lord, you've never been so in love." Because he never had. Just crushes in the past. Nothing too deep.....

#[ 04 ] ── * HEADCANON ( 𝘱𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘴 ) #( anyway i really love this song a lot )