#{{ and also give the PSA regarding the canon of this blog. lmao }}

[frozenambiguity]

Yes, I know that the content approved in the bilibili mvs is fandom-created and oriented. However, these contents, being part of the 3rd-anniversary festival, had to be reviewed and approved by someone in Hoyoverse.

That said, I have some thoughts about the "Light in the Abyss" video. Khaenri'ah rant after the read more!

Can I just start by saying that having Khaenri'ah depicted as a land warm, prosperous, and peaceful touches my heart? The technology is abundant and advanced, semi-sentient ( to our knowledge. to what extent that sentience is is yet to be determined ). That we already knew, but it was nice to have confirmation that the ruin guards, for example, were not machines created by Khaenri'ah only for war, as some sources in Genshin have stated and we have seen in a few quests.

I know that the information that the ruin guards were machines created with the purpose of doing other activities, such as gardening and other menial work, exists. That only further strengthens the idea shown in the video. However, I do recall debating said information with a few friends before ( who were from different parts of the world, and played the game in different languages ). They told me that, in other versions of the game, describing the ruin guards as "gardeners" was some type of analogy, and it could be interpreted as something else besides gardening --- in this case, related to war.

Take this information with a grain of salt though, because since I play the English version of the game, I lack the knowledge regarding the context of other versions and I cannot confirm the veracity of the statement itself. Still, I thought I would add it for curiosity's sake!

Of course, the ruin guards played their roles regarding war, too. It would be foolish to have the means and resources and not use them to defend a cause or belief. Still, it is nice to see that they were indeed part of society and well-integrated with human beings.

The fact that Khaenri'ah is referred to as a "dream" is interesting to me. Who is this narrator? What are their beliefs? Certainly, it is someone either Khaenri'ahn or someone who was there to see it all unfold with their own eyes. Most people in Teyvat have a distorted view of the land, and its history is either forgotten or completely tainted by the cataclysm and the abyss forces. Khaenri'ah was, and is, more than that. Even if we have come across certain factions in-game that give strength to that first argument.

It is also interesting to see Lumine summoned instead of arriving at Khaen on her own. Everyone seemed to have gathered to watch the spectacle of her arrival, common people and royalty included, so this visit did not happen by mere chance. They had to be waiting for her. The reasons are unclear, but we see that Lumine lived in Khaenri'ah for a long time before the disaster occurred. She experienced peace and prosperity before the cataclysm. In other words, they did not summon her as their salvation against probable corruption//abyss forces, but perhaps as something else, in a context prior to that. Something... more. Regardless, everyone is gathered to welcome her.

King Irmin's first appearance! On the left, we have Pierro, and on the right... Rhinedottir. Being so close to the king meant that she had a high position in the royal court and thus was highly regarded, even by the King himself. Also, we get to see baby Bedo's first appearance as well!

Now, these are an interesting couple of frames. They appear after the disaster has started. People are being corrupted and everything is blood red. However, let us analyze these frames a bit more. Because, at first, my guess was that the royal guards were arresting Rhinedottir for her creations and having unleashed abyss creatures. In a land so prosperous and advanced, science had gone too far.

However, don't they look... corrupted? Much like the version that we fight deep within the Chasm? And even the presence of the wolves --- so far they were not shown, so they were not from Khaenri'ah, even if they were created by Rhinedottir.

Just what, exactly, did Rhinedottir use to create these beings? It has to be more than Khemia itself, so perhaps she did start tampering with the 'forbidden knowledge, the forbidden power'. And that power turned against her. Because, if these were Khaenri'ahn guards ( fully conscious ), they would probably try to arrest her first and then conduct an investigation//trial. Rhinedottir was an important person with power within the kingdom. And yet... They raise their weapons against her. That indeed confirms that these "guards" are long gone.

And if we require further proof regarding their corruption, they are seen slaughtering innocents a little later in the video.

... ... ...

... ... ...

Now, THIS:

Is the true reason behind the creation of this post. There he is, ladies and gentlemen, Papa Alberich in the flesh. And this is so important.

I have mentioned in the past that I do not think Papa Alberich has any affiliation with the Abyss ( not a genuine one, at least ), and that he truly might represent a faction within Khaenri'ah that wishes to see the remains of Khaenri'ah respected and its people protected to the best of his capabilities ( even if that means committing the atrocity that is abandoning your child and having him play the role of a spy in another nation --- although he did so with remorse ).

The information we received in the Hidden Strife event simply fortifies the argument. Remember what Papa Alberich told Kaeya when he forced him to write sensitive information regarding Khaenri'ah and their lineage so that it would not be forgotten by the young child, only to command him to burn it all afterward:

"Remember always that it was the Alberich Clan, who did not have royal blood, who stepped in as regents when the strength of the one-eyed king Irmin failed. Though we could not restore Khaenri'ah to life, we of the Alberich Clan should lead lives as those who blaze like fire, rather than those who wallow in the embers."

This begs the question: what are Papa Alberich's true motives? Because he recognizes they have failed to restore Khaenri'ah as it was, but that does not mean he will not try to bring justice to his people. Maybe he is procuring a way to get them rid of the curse, maybe he is gathering survivors and leading them as their plans take form and unfold. Who knows?

On this note, I think there is a lot Kaeya has not revealed to the players as well. If he is a spy, then how is he conducting his investigation? Who is he reporting to? To what plans is he contributing?

If you are hoping to read content that supports the idea that Papa Alberich abandoned Kaeya, said "peace!", and left forever, you won't find it here.

If you're hoping to read content that supports the idea that Kaeya has completely forgotten and doesn't care about Khaenri'ah or his biological father, you won't find it here.

If Papa Alberich did not care about Kaeya and Kaeya did not care about his father, then why, during Weinlesefest, did "the wind" ---- which we all know was Venti --- bring him a message from his biological father?

The wind brought pleasant memories to all the citizens of Mondstadt. Everyone got an important message from a beloved person. Kaeya's could have been a Master Crepus voice line. Heck, even a Diluc's! But it wasn't. It was from his biological father. And that, friends, says plenty.

I truly believe Kaeya thinks far more frequently about his father and his heritage than we are led to believe. Even if he is thankful for the memories he made in Mondstadt and with the Ragnvindrs ( which is confirmed by the way he softly looks at the Dawn Winery, and at Diluc, by extent ).

But why was the message so sorrowful and remorseful? Well, because Papa Alberich did not want to abandon Kaeya. He probably did not see any other way to deal with what was happening. And as Kaeya told us before in the Caribert quest:

«Maybe my father left me in the peaceful land of Mondstadt for no other reason than simply to keep me alive... As well as ensuring I'd be safely cut off from... certain things. The thought that I might be able to actually live a happy life there must have been the icing on the cake».

Yes, that does not erase the impact Papa Alberich's decisions had and still have on Kaeya. It is insane to abandon a child and put so much responsibility on his shoulders. To spy and protect a slaughtered cursed nation by age 8...? Nonsense. But that does not mean he did not love Kaeya.

Back to the bilibili mv.

We can see the young man carrying a crown, so it is safe to believe that, by this point, King Irmin is nowhere to be seen anymore. Dead, quite possibly. And it is in this critical moment, in the middle of conflict, blood, and disaster, that the Alberich clan steps in as regents. We finally have a timeline.

But it is simply too late.

No one can escape the creatures and the demise they bring. Not the common people. Not the guards. Not even King Irmin himself, who sits on his royal seat with a sword on his chest. Now, I wonder if he was killed or if he killed himself, but that is another conspiracy theory I am cooking --- Don't mind the thought for now.

One last note regarding these events that I would like to focus on. The fact that Papa Alberich took over as regent during the cataclysm means that he was alive then, and is still alive today. Or, at least, up until the point he left Kaeya. That makes me itch a little about the date of Kaeya's birth, because there are two possible paths here. Either:

• Kaeya was born during the Cataclysm era, and something has happened that made him remain alive until current events ( the time traveling and the frozen in ice theories are fairly popular in the fandom, although I have no subjective opinion on them thus far ).

OR

• Papa Alberich was also cursed with immortality due to the events that unfolded, and Kaeya was born way after the Cataclysm, seemingly ( emphasis on the word ) all right because his body was able to develop like a normal human being's. We still do not know how the curse has affected Kaeya in canon. And I think it is too much wishful thinking to believe he is not cursed at all and was able to deflect all that. We will find out more about it soon enough, hopefully.

Now. Back to the Cataclysm.

And there we see them, in all their glory. The Archons. Possibly Celestia's last resort to contain the disaster. They have finally descended to Khaenri'ah.

It is interesting to notice how they only came to aid Khaenri'ah once they started to feel their lands on the surface threatened, though. Perhaps this has to do with the belief that Khaenri'ah is a god-less land and thus they did not want to interfere, but it hurts to think that the Archons would simply sit idle ( although I do have the controversial opinion that they indeed did, and only acted when it was either fighting against the abyss or letting it devour the entire world ).

The Khaenri'ahn mechanisms that were fortunately not corrupted, however, still aid the archons in the fight against abyssal//corrupted beings while being controlled by Khaenri'ahns and Anfortas troupes. That was a nice touch. A much-needed collaboration between Gods and non-believers, who still unite against a common threat. This makes me have hope regarding the restoration of Khaenri'ah someday, and it being capable of living peacefully along with all other Teyvat nations once more ( although on vastly different terms, of course ).

Bonus: Caribert being cursed is such a sad scene...

This also dismantles the theory that Kaeya is Caribert//The Loom of Fate and that Clothar is his father, although I personally never agreed with it.

Overall, there are still so many questions left to answer, but one cannot deny the importance of this content, even if it is fan-made, because it makes the community reflect on many mysteries and unanswered questions.

TL DR --- I love Khaenri'ah. I love Papa Alberich. And I hope they do give Kaeya the treatment he deserves as a character. Because, regardless of his classification as a 4 star, he is going to end up becoming one of the most lore-relevant characters in Genshin Impact, if he gets the treatment he deserves.

PS: Make Kaeya a 5 star sometime, Hoyoverse. He deserves that sort of treatment.

#【 let me tell you a story | thoughts to be shared. 】 #{{ in which i analyze the most recent mv light in the abyss }} #{{ and also update my thoughts in general about khaen; papa alberich and kaeya and make connections with other content --- }} #{{ and also give the PSA regarding the canon of this blog. lmao }}

[pumpkinpaix]

Hello! and PSA

*waves* hi everyone! so uh, I’ve kind of had a bit of a surge in followers recently, and I thought I would make a bit of a PSA/intro post with a bit more targeted info than my about page.

anyways, I’m cyan! statistically speaking, you are probably here for one of the following reasons:

my fic

my meta

my gifs

my translation

all of the above

this is pretty much an mdzs blog on main these days, but I also rb a lot of other misc things because I have never been good at keeping my interests separate. it’s also my personal blog, so expect some of that? i am very all or nothing ahaha. my opinions change very quickly as I process new information, so like, something I said last week or yesterday might be different now! I’ve seen several people going through some of my older posts, and I’m just like oh dear, I said a lot of things six months ago that I no longer vibe with. /o\ please keep that in mind as you go diving in my blog!

i don’t have a BYF or DNI policy, but I reserve the right to block anyone for any reason because this is a personal blog first and foremost, and I do need to be better about setting my boundaries and curating my own online space! on that same token, you are free to follow, unfollow, block, whatever, even if we’re mutuals. <3

you’re free to come talk to me in my inbox or dms, but please be aware that there’s a very high chance I will never get back to you /o\ it isn’t personal!! I am just very mentally ill and have many difficulties with keeping up social interactions or talking to people.

in the interest of trying to be more open about myself, my brain, and what that means for me in an online/fandom space, I’m gonna do a boatload of mental health talk under the cut (or, if you’re looking at this on my blog proper or somewhere where the cut doesn’t display, it starts right after this paragraph), including mentions of self-harm/thoughts of specific self-harm etc, just so you are warned! I’ve been thinking recently that it’s good to try and take steps towards being more open about my issues, both for my own sake and others’. It’s long, because one of the fun things about my mental illness is that I am hyperverbal ahahaha (if that... wasn’t already obvious orz)

so if you’ve read pfmmpd, you can kind of get a sense of what I’m working with. a lot of how i wrote lwj was drawn directly from shit happening in my own brain, but like? dial that up from the specific issues that lwj had in that fic and apply it unilaterally across the board to almost anything you can think of.

I hesitate to describe my OCD as debilitating, but only because my specific cocktail of compulsions and anxieties and triggers push me to be hyperachieving and hyperfunctional. I consider myself pretty fortunate (?) in that regard. on paper, you could never tell how absolutely batshit my internal landscape is! which is very good for me practically in that I can hold down a job, keep scholarships, graduate with honors, have good prospects for my future, hold onto relationships (usually yikes) etc. but the fact of the matter is, I’m like. oh boy.

to give you a peek, here’s a non-exhaustive list of things that have triggered me to varying degrees of severity within the last like, week or so:

my dog

a chinese folk song

my mother reading a chinese haiku to me written by a young gay man

a chinese reader of my fic lovingly and gently giving me a history lesson on china and on mdzs while praising me

stepping on a piece of snow that didn’t collapse in the precise way i expected it to

writing meta

reading meta

ruminating on my triggers (honestly, I played myself)

seeing a twitter thread going around tumblr with decent information but the OP is someone who was exceedingly cruel to a good friend of mine

visiting my grandmother’s grave

deciding to visit my grandmother’s grave

discussing the concept of cuddling my partner whom i love and have been with for four years

self-harming (truly the height of irony, being triggered into self-harm and then getting triggered by the result of the self-harm hahahahahaha)

dropping off a package

trying to explain queer-coding to my parents

talking about stressors in my life related to covid19

having a very pleasant conversation with a person i admire

editing my translation

the fact that the “close” button on my accessibility sidebar on the translation website is the wrong color

choosing between eating all the shiitake mushrooms in my soup and purposefully giving myself a bad reaction or throwing one out and wasting food

thinking about playing a fun game with my partner and a mutual friend

my mom asking me to take a photo of some tea for her

my mom asking my opinion on a photo she was photoshopping

animal crossing

writing this fucking post HAHAHAHA

like!! it goes on!! endlessly! obviously, these triggers are not simply “bad” things. the chinese folk song and the haiku were both really beautiful and i love them! but I did spend a good amount of time curled up on my floor in the dark sobbing as i played the song on repeat. the haiku was one of the last straws that ended up with me screaming and crying and hurting myself. the snow??? like wtf the snow thing. I stepped on the snow and it felt wrong and my brain just started screaming SMASH YOUR KNEECAP. ???? (I didn’t, for the record, and I would never.) I love my partner very much! I love my friends very much, and my mother, and my grandmother etc. my triggers are infinite, unpredictable, and bizarre.

I’m saying all of this because I want to be clear that MDZS/CQL fandom specifically triggers me on a daily basis, sometimes very very badly. this is just a fact! it is no one’s fault! I have decided it is worth it for me to stay anyways. it is impossible for me to request people tag for certain things because I myself have no idea what my triggers are until I encounter them. It’s like a fun mystery boss encounter! sometimes it’s low level and i’m well-equipped to handle it. other times it’s a one-hit KO. We just don’t know! there are lots of very cool content creators in this fandom that I can’t follow because it would make my dash that much more high stakes. the original source canon material triggers me! all the events leading up to Lotus Cove massacre? I was shaking at work for three hours after consuming it for the first time.

Meta specifically is something I know a lot of people like me for, but it’s 100% the most triggering activity I participate in for this fandom. like, that suibian meta post I wrote that’s currently going around? Probably took me four or five hours of concentrated effort to write because I was compulsively panicking and rewriting and editing and panicking more and qualifying and editing and qualifying some more and then debating whether I should post it or not and then fighting with myself about my wording and then immediately regretting it and then every time someone commented on it (regardless of positive or negative!) my anxiety spiked. I started a reply to a response on that post and had to stop after a few minutes because I was already starting to trigger myself over it.

this is actually a pretty good outcome when it comes to meta! I recognized that I was hurting myself before I got any further, and I only spent like, five hours on it! it was good exposure therapy for me! the bad outcome is. well. bad, as you might imagine lmao.

I like writing meta. I like talking to people about it too! I like participating in fandom, I like writing, I like translating, I like all of these things. they’re just also really hard for me! there’s a couple meta requests sitting in my inbox right now that I want to get to, but it might take me like. a long time because of. you know! *gestures* Everything takes me a long time. that first chapter of the translation took me literally five months from beginning the project to posting a final edited version. It’s just over 1k words. D8

I try really hard to be chill and kind in public and I largely think I succeed on the kind part (I hope!). If you thought I had even an ounce of chill before this, perhaps I have disabused of that notion entirely now lmao. I’m not saying this for pity, but like? just so we all know what we’re dealing with here. I don’t want anyone to get hurt when I don’t engage with them or feel snubbed if I never reply to them. and also like, hey, if someone relates it’s like hooray, high fave, solidarity! we’re not alone in this world! or maybe this will help someone understand OCD a little better! I don’t know. I hope this post is a positive thing. BUT! I’ve spent three hours on it already, and i’m definitely starting to compulsively spiral, so instead of going back and editing it over and over, I’m just going to post it. thank you everyone for your understanding! I hope you enjoy your time on my blog! (*´▽`*)

#/ #// #/// #//// #///// #personal #psa #cyan gets too deep in the weeds #HA HA HA. #can't believe i'm using that tag on a personal post except like. of course i am #hello everyone are you ready for some cyan dlc? #well you're getting it #im anxious about this thing because i'm anxious about everything but! #we are doing exposure therapy this year!! #even if the world is burning down around us i can still try to confront my problems!!! #about