#⋄ * ✿ ⋄ * BELLAMY BLAKE. › dyn. raven. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lingeringscars · 5 months

Text

There is something so special to me about the antagonism Bellamy had for both finn and Murphy (still had, in Murphys case), and how he still comes to both their defenses in spacewalker, where it really mattered. Bellamy refuses to give up on Finn and is openly on his side and unwilling to bend on protecting him. Yet, when raven offers up Murphy for a trade (one murderer for another, pinning the blame on Murphy instead of finn) Bellamy, who had just almost beat Murphy to death for shooting raven and killing two people, refuses to let that happen.

Even when he has little love for Murphy, even when he's not outwardly calling him one of them like clarke is, the intention is the same. He's not willing to hand over Murphy or make that trade. He traded his life for jaspers, went after Mel when she was trapped and hanging, and he would go into mount weather for his people. The only life he's willing to trade is his own.

He failed Murphy before, and he also feels like he failed finn. He refuses to give up on them not just because they are his people, but because he feels responsible. Murphys actions were a result of his own. If he hadn't hung or banished Murphy, those people would still be alive. If he hadn't gone back to camp to help Mel and Monroe, finn wouldn't have killed the villagers. He gave finn and Murphy the weapons that were used, and while Murphy wasn't able to do enough to stop finn from killing them, he should have. He knew what finn was capable of, and he did it anyway. He bears some of this responsibility.

#bellamy vs blaming himself for everything as per #muse: bellamy blake #meta: bellamy blake #it does mean so much to me though that he could have agreed with raven #but he saw that murphy showed up to protect finn and respected that #and refused to turn on him again #bellamy makes a lot of mistakes and sometimes he repeats them but often he also learns from them!!!#i love him <3 #dyn: i want you to feel what i felt (bellamy x murphy)#dyn: bellamy x finn #i really am home

2 notes · View notes

lingeringscars · 4 years

Text

disclaimer: i wrote this at 3am when i should have been sleeping and i have no desire to read back through it so if u see misplaced colons.....don’t @ me. just the usual me being back on my bs !

One of the more fascinating things about spacekru is that....most of the characters have very objective character growth. And im not about to dispute the fact that it has happened but i find it really interesting that....bellamy and raven haven't had it in a way. ( murphy’s going backward rather than forward in a way, at first, is also really important to me !!! )

@loveisaviolence and i have talked briefly about this with raven and how interesting it is but mostly the fact that it doesnt seem like raven has really processed any of her trauma and how instead probably threw herself into trying to get them home. This is as much as I'm going to talk on raven as i do not write her.

But bellamy on face value....seems to have changed a lot. Hes forgiven echo and formed a deep bond with her. Hes more rational in his actions than he typically used to be ( although i have talked ad nauseam about the fact that he always used both his head and his heart in tandem and it always being really fascinating to me. This shift in bellamy and clarke isnt bellamy becoming more head and clarke more heart....its them changing the motivation. Bellamy always used his head to think through what his heart was telling him. Everything with mount weather. Him dressing in azgeda gear to get to clarke. He was guided by his heart but used his head to do it. Clarke is the opposite-- shes guided by what is best for the whole. She uses her head but...her actions are very much her heart...not shooting bellamy when he opened the door or injecting herself with nightblood for instance. )

ANYWAY that tangent aside...bellamy was always very outwardly stressed / anxious. Every emotion would play out on his features and he was prone to outbursts pre space. After space...its become internalized. Like raven, he had a task: uniting them, leading them, survival. He, as always, gives his all to whatever the task is. That leaves little time to focus on himself.

While i do believe he came to terms with his actions, i do not think he ever processed them fully and instead pushed them aside. HOWEVER. Space is also the only time hes actually allowed to be angry. Bellamy doesnt allow himself these emotions when they have a war to fight. It’s also why him being so mad at Clarke in s3 is so important because....for the first time ( since first half of s1 )with her he was able to be !! He forgives because it is necessary. HIM TAKING 3 YEARS TO FORGIVE ECHO IS ACTUALLY PROGRESS. Instead of pushing his feelings down ( which lol he does w/ octavia in s5 and s6 hence the pretty violent emotional outbursts towards her ), he allows himself that time to hate her. He allows himself to be angry bc it doesnt directly impact their survival. They need to work together but that doesnt mean they have to like each other.

Flash forward to the ground and why i really dont think bellamy processed his trauma at all and instead just got better at hiding it. He did get that break from violence and going back to the ground throws him right back into the thick of it....but i also cannot fathom how people dont see how aggressively s1-4 bellamy is still present in his interactions, if more subdued. The most pressing relationships we see this: clarke and octavia.

Im not going to talk about clarke here bc quite frankly i dont remember enough to form coherent thoughts about his attitude towards Clarke in relation to finding out shes alive. Her "death" clearly had a major impact though. and despite them being out of sync...the do both fall back into coleaders with each other quickly.

But the first thing bellamy does when he gets back....his primary motivation to return: Octavia. He thinks shes in danger so they need to go back down...immediately. more moments of everything being very internalized now is that very first bellamy & echo interaction where she reels him back in when he begins to spiral at the possibility that o isnt alive. He returns to the ground for her and then fights to get down to the bunker to rescue her.

Rescue. He still has the mentality that she is his responsibility. He should have been down there with her. He should have helped her. He is still taking the world onto his shoulders---- so did he really grow at all? Did he learn that everything is not his responsibility? Did he confront his upbringing and the consequences of it? No.

Come season 6 and he says that he has too many sins to release a lantern because he really hasnt forgiven himself at all. He thinks about it every day. He sees the faces in his dreams every night. He has not processed or moved forward at all.

And when we get the BIGGEST step of growth in the history of his character....."you are my sister. But you are not my responsibility. Not anymore." Not anymore. It is SO IMPORTANT that he is starting to FINALLY accept that octavia needs to take responsibility of her own actions..can no longer blame himself for not being able to stop her / help her....but...

Not anymore.

I dont know how to word this in a way that will sound eloquent so bear with me.... not anymore. Meaning it once was. Meaning....he thinks that up until she burned the farm he is to blame for her actions. Up until she burned the farm, she was his responsibility. He didnt confront what their mom said to him when he was six years old. He did not acknowledge the burden that was placed on him because he doesnt see it that way. He doesnt see it as something that was unfair or unreasonable because to go back to season 1....his life both ended the day she was born and started then too. He had a purpose taking care of octavia....he almost idolizes his mother [ the girl under the stairs like mom taught us...she raised me to be better than this. To be good ]. The thing space did allow him was the time to really, truly find a family outside of Octavia for the first time ever. Space allowed him the chance to have and love people FOR HIMSELF. And that made it a lot easier for him to break away and out of this stranglehold of a relationship where, in so many ways, he had been programmed to believe that everything was on him and any mistake was his fault. In space, he was able to see that there is life outside of octavia....but that doesnt mean he has processed the life he had with her...because he didn't.

In conclusion: bellamy really hasnt processed his trauma at all...just got better at directing it and hiding it. His anxiety became more internal: wringing his hands versus running into battle. He wants to move forward. He wants to do better. But he hasnt confronted the past--- not fully. And as long as there is a task to be completed, he never will. It isnt how he is programmed. He will run himself into the ground before taking a moment for himself because a leader gives everything that they are to their people. Space gave him a FAMILY. a place outside of octavia. something that is more balanced, with mutual respect and care....but when it comes to processing trauma? becoming more whole w/ himself in a way other members of spesikru have? not so much..........

#muse: bellamy blake #this is jumbled and got away from me but.....i have so many feelings #and have been thinking so much about s5 #also s6 re blakes ..... because it really just the more i think about it...the more i think he really didnt talk about #anything....that happened on the ground...during those 6 years....like i stand by him being way more likely w/ raven and monty #bc they were there and arent....murphy....which is a whole other animal....bc i think in space bellamy threw himself more into #mending relationships than mending himself.#Idk i have A Lot of thoughts about it....a lot....#bc they all got a break from the violence and it shattered and came to an end but....the motivations had just changed for bell...#nothing else really....he was fighting for his family....acting more rationally than emotionally but still guided by his heart #and every time he brings it up....still layered with guilt and self loathing...#so basically....you gotta make him talk about it bc otherwise hes just going to say that he doesnt have time for that (emotions) right now #he's too pragmatic.#anyway its just so fascinating to me and im back on my bullshit and want to rewatch as usual :///#this is something that i've been toying w/ for a while every time i see s5 or s6 gifsets bc....it's a lot.#don't get me wrong like there is a marked difference between s4 and s5 and it absolutely can be jarring but...boy got a long way to go #before he ever feels comfortable w/ himself and his actions. before he can see the unfairness of his upbringing completely.#before he can forgive o for putting HIS FAMILY in danger bc ultimately...that was what broke them...not her putting HIM in danger...and that #will never be reconciled until he can confront how octavia has always been unsafe for HIM.#dyn: my sister ; my responsibility (blakes)#sort of.... i love two siblings... that both need therapy

5 notes · View notes