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winterisakillerwrites · 4 years

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Love & Great Buildings - Chapter Six

Chapter: 6/19

Character/Relationship: Tom Hiddleston/Rosemary Mathews (OFC)

Genre: Romance/Angst

Summary: Three years have passed and a chance encounter brings Tom and Rosie together again. Can time make any difference or are they doomed to repeat their mistakes.

Rating: M

Author’s Notes/Warnings: This is part nine of Last Minutes & Lost Evenings. Many thanks to @redfoxwritesstuff for listening to me ramble incessantly about this story and being a sounding board when I needed it. You are a lifesaver, even if your stories break my heart.

CHAPTER SIX

It had taken Rosemary nearly another full week to start to feel more or less herself again. The guilt was still there, waiting for moments of calm to rear its ugly head, but a sense of resignation and weary acceptance had taken root in her. She had taken things too far and he had walked away. It had been almost two weeks since that she’d seen him last and no word, for good or ill. She hadn’t been surprised; it’s what she would have done. Cut him out before more damage could take root and not look back. But knowing that didn’t make any of its aftermath any easier to stand.

There were times she could have sworn she’d caught glimpses of him on the street as she traveled between the shop and her flat. But when she would stop and look back because maybe this time, just maybe, there was no trace of him. And it was hard, during those times, to stop the crushing sense of loss and defeat that would overwhelm her. She knew it was her mind playing tricks on her, her subconscious seeking out some part of him. Wishful thinking at its best.

She had pulled out her phone so many times, opened to his name in her contact list, finger hovering over the dial button. But she hadn’t brought herself to actually do so. He’d made it perfectly clear that he hadn’t wanted to speak with her. Forcing the issue would likely only make matters worse. She’d wanted to though; she wanted to desperately. It was a feeling she wasn’t sure would fade over time but maybe it would be easier to bear. Please let it be easier.

But she had forced herself to go about her life. The newest Stories was slowly but surely starting to stand on its own. Hanna had taken to managing more of its day to day operations but Rosemary remained on hand to help with the larger matters. It was a strange thing, letting another hold the reins to what had always been her baby. But Rosemary knew that it was all part of the process. In time she would transition herself to the original store and hopefully be able to fit herself back into that routine. But for now she flitted in between the two and told herself she was content. She had to be, there wasn’t another option she cared to entertain.

Things unfortunately were still cool between herself and Jules. They had spoken briefly regarding Stories and business matters but neither had overtly mentioned their last tense meeting. Rosemary knew that Jules had wanted to breach the subject, whether to apologize or continue the argument further, she wasn’t sure, and had done everything in her power to shut her down. She knew that she wasn’t being precisely fair to Jules, that the fault had been ultimately hers and hers alone, but it did little to temper the resentment she felt. Time, she hoped, would help cool her ire. Time and a bit of distance.

Rosemary took a deep breath and wrapped her coat tightly against the brisk chill of the late March afternoon. She’d been on several errands, both for the store and for herself. She juggled both of the now incredibly heavy tote bags to her left shoulder and fumbled in her pocket for her set of store keys. It amazed her how easily she tended to lose things in those pockets, especially since they weren’t overly large. One of the many mysteries of the universe, she thought with a snort of amusement. Several minutes and curses later she managed to locate them and made quick work of the door’s lock, shoving it open with her hip.

The store had closed early that particular Saturday afternoon to get a jump start on inventory reconciliation. Something that in past had taken a good two days, more without suitable help. It was all hands on deck and Rosemary, in turn, had drawn the short straw and been sent on readies duty. She’d hit the nearest corner shop and unloaded nearly all of their pre-made sandwiches and very nearly decimated their crisp and soft drink stock as well. She had also managed to squeeze in a run to the café across the street and gotten herself a triple espresso, not thinking overly much about the wisdom of ingesting quite so much caffeine. She’d needed it and desperately, especially if she wanted to make it through the coming inventory alive and relatively sane.

��Alright boys and girls,” she called as she pushed the door closed behind her with her foot. “Gather round, for I come bearing massive quantities of food.”

Several grumbles echoed from the stock room in back followed by heavy footfalls. Max was the first to appear, taking the bags from Rosemary’s outstretched hand and placing them with a grunt of effort onto the countertop. Alex, Gabe, and Hanna followed closely behind. Soon the shop front was filled with contented mumbling and the rustling of cling film and crisp packets. Placated with food, the group soon settled into the chaotic routine of inventory. Rosemary found herself laughing and almost happy as she listened to Alex and Max bicker back and forth over who would be tackling the shelved items verses the boxes in back.

“I don’t give a toss which of you does what, but if I here anymore of your bitching I won’t be able to be held accountable for my actions,” Hanna yelled, amusement tinged with annoyance coloring her tone.

Which cued another argument between the two about what exactly counted as bitching and just who’s fault it was. Rosemary and Hanna merely locked eyes and laughed as the boys continued to snipe at one another. There was little else they could do and unless, or until, it came to physical blows it was more or less harmless.

The process was a slow and tedious one. It had taken all Rosemary had to not jump for joy when they’d finally called it quits for the evening. It was ridiculous, she was well aware, but if she stared at anymore figures or lists she was certain she’d lose what little she had left if her mind. The faces of the others told Rosemary she wasn’t alone which was comforting.

Sunday was much the same. Rosemary and Hanna arrived shortly before seven, with the remaining team trickling in an hour or so later. They worked steadily through the morning, breaking occasionally for coffee runs and Max’s frequent cigarette breaks, in which he swore he was simply ‘testing the air quality’. “And I’m the bloody Queen,” Hanna had griped at him on his seventh break of the morning.

Max had good natured rolled his eyes, bowed, and intoned, “Your Majesty,” before heading out into the cold afternoon air.

Gabe had drawn the short straw that afternoon and, with a sigh of thinly veiled annoyance, had made the run to the local pizza joint to pick up the pizzas Hanna had ordered. They ate and laughed, putting off their return to work as long as they could. They finished, finally, sometime in the early evening and parted ways with many a joyous cheer, mainly from Max, Alex, and Gabe.

Rosemary had sent Hanna off as well, electing to remain behind to finish the last of the paperwork and the lock up. She used the now unaccustomed silence to breath and center herself. Her mind bent to the task, she had been able to knock out the remaining work in less than two hours. True, it would have been faster with Hanna’s aid, but Rosemary had needed the distraction.

Going home to her empty flat had been a daunting process. She’d always valued having her own space, had never felt lonely on her own. Until recently. And with her relationship with Jules so strained, she’d been alone more often then not. So she’d volunteered to take on more at the shop, often times coming home too exhausted to think. It wasn’t something she could maintain in the long run, she was well aware of that, nor did it help solve anything. But for now it helped.

It was a pattern she allowed herself to continue in the week that passed. And now with Jules out of commission, she was beginning to feel the strain. Especially on this evening in particular. The day had been hectic; the store had gotten quite busy during the middle of the afternoon, pulling her from her office to help with the overflow and once that had died down she’d been left to sort through the growing queue of online orders.

Normally she and Jules split handling the orders as they arrived, but Jules had a family emergency; her sister had been rushed to the hospital in what was feared to be, and later confirmed as, preterm labor, leaving Rosemary to juggle both locations. It was daunting and had been mentally draining but by the time she had left for the evening, the majority of the orders had been managed, leaving the physical gathering and packing of said items for Gabe and Alex on her end and Samuel on Jules’.

Once she’d arrived home, Rosemary had quickly changed into a pair of worn, but mercifully comfortable track bottoms and an oversized t-shirt. She had exactly zero plans of venturing out of her flat anytime in the near future and comfort was now her number one priority. Anyone who came calling would simply have to accept that. Not that she expected any visitors save whomever delivered her meal of choice for the evening.

She sighed and wandered lazily into the kitchen. At this point all she could think of was curling up on the couch with a blanket and unhealthy amounts of Chinese take-away. She grabbed a glass of water and a menu from the newest Chinese take-away that had sprung up in her neighborhood. It had been left by her door earlier in the week and she was anxious to give them a try.

Food ordered, Rosemary grabbed the remote from the coffee table and set about flicking through the channels hoping to find something that would catch her attention. Three trips through though and she was beginning to lose hope. With a grunt she pushed herself off of the couch and wandered over to the shelf of DVD and Blu-ray discs in the corner, perusing her options. It took several minutes but she soon selected a film; a thriller that would easily occupy her mind, opened its case and placed the disc into the opened tray of the player. She settled herself back onto the couch and watched the disc previews with only the barest hint of attention. She clicked through the start-up menu and started the film, dropping the remote beside her on the couch.

Rosemary nearly jumped out of her skin when a knock sounded at her door. She laughed and shook her head at her own skittishness. Mathews, you seriously need to relax. She quickly pushed herself off the couch and grabbed her purse from its home on the entryway table.

She pulled open the door, wallet in hand. “That was quick, I’m impress…”

Her voice trailed off as her brain fully comprehended just who was standing in her doorway. Tom stood silhouetted by the warm, but dim lighting of the hallway, his expression unreadable. Rosemary gaped at him, vaguely aware of just how unbecoming she must have looked, but at that moment she’d been too stunned to care.

“May I come in?” His voice was soft and even.

Rosemary nodded mutely, standing aside to allow him to pass. He entered without another word. Her mind was screaming with questions. Why was he here? What did he want? Why had he come now? She didn’t trust her voice to speak.

Instead, she watched as he made his way into her tiny living room, stopping in front of the couch but not settling onto it. He turned to face her and she could have sworn she saw a flicker of something in his eyes. She couldn’t place it or rather was not sure she had seen it correctly. It wasn’t the cold, fury laced pain she had seen that last afternoon but a cautious determination. But of what? And to what end?

“Tom,” she breathed, her voice quiet and almost tremulous. “I…I don’t understand…What are you…Why are you here?”

He offered her a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I told you that I needed time.”

Rosemary nodded. She remembered his last words all too clearly. They had replayed over and over on her mind since he’d uttered them. “I remember.” But this didn’t make any sense. He’d asked her to go, told her to leave. Why was he here now?

She watched as Tom paced slowly around the small room. He rubbed his hand through his already tousled hair before shoving both firmly into the pockets of his jeans. “I…” He paused, seemingly to try and gather his thoughts. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Rosemary stared at him in confusion. “What?”

Tom let out a soft, unsure laugh. “I must have picked up the phone a hundred times over the last few weeks. I just…I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t. I spent the whole trip here trying to think of what I could say. What I should say. How I could convince you to talk to me.” He paused, his eyes raising to meet hers, confusion and disbelief swirling in their depths. “I didn’t expect you to answer the door. Let alone let me in. But you did, and I don’t understand why.”

Again she gaped at him. Her mind swirling with confusion. Nothing he was saying was making any sense. She was the one who’d lashed out, hurt him. “I…I don’t understand. Tom, you’re not making any sense. I fucked up. I said those horrid things to you. Why the hell would you think that you would need to convince me to talk to you?”

It was Tom’s turn to stare in bewilderment. “I deserved it. And truthfully so much more. You…Rosie, I was horrid to you. I was…Fuck, I still am a selfish cad. I keep fucking up! I keep hurting you! You have every bloody right to be furious with me! And instead of facing up to that I ran.”

He paused, taking a deep breath and dropping himself onto the couch. He ran a shaky hand through his hair. “I thought I was too late. That I’d waited too long again, that I’d hurt you too badly for you to ever forgive me. But you opened the door. Why did you open the door?” His voice had gone quite soft, as if he were not really speaking to her anymore. Rosemary had barely heard his last question and continued to stare at him in stunned disbelief. She couldn’t make any sense of any of it.

Rosemary took a deep breath and tried to marshal her thoughts into some semblance of coherency, before slowly lowering herself onto the opposite end of the couch. “I should have called you.” She raised her eyes to his, noting how they mirrored her own confusion. “I wanted to call you. Wanted to apologize.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I was just so angry at you. So fucking angry. And I wanted to hurt you. Hurt you like you’d hurt me. And that was wrong, I knew it and I still did it and I can’t take it back. You aren’t the one who fucked up this time, Tom. I did that. And I am truly, truly sorry.”

Tears blurred her vision and she hastily wiped them away with the back of her hand. The guilt and resentment burning steadily inside her. She felt Tom’s large hand envelope her own, squeezing it gently. The warmth of it was both comfort and torture. Her eyes shot up to his once more.

“Rosie,” he breathed, “Please don’t…”

She shook her head vehemently. “No, Tom. This right here was my own damn fault. Don’t you dare try to take it on yourself.”

Tom laughed despite himself. It was a short, mirthless sound. It sounded wrong coming from his lips. “We could go back and forth on this for ages, darling, and not get anywhere.” He offered her a tentative smile. “We both behaved appalling and we both fell wretched about it, am I right?” His eyes locked on hers, silently pleading for understanding.

Rosemary nodded, a watery smile spreading across her face. “More or less.”

“And apologizing further doesn’t change or fix that?”

She nodded again.

This time the smile he gave her shone lightly in his eyes. Tentatively hopeful and blessedly warm. “You are sorry and so am I. We’ve both done wrong and we can’t change that. It’s done now. So let’s just stop. Call it a truce.”

Rosemary laughed in earnest now. Could it honestly be that easy? If she was being completely honest with herself, she could admit she was doubtful but she still couldn’t deny that the idea was enticing. Maybe it could be that easy, in time.

She shoved him playfully on the arm, not letting herself think too closely at how she’d been so sure such casualness between them was lost for good. “Look at you, Mr. Double First from Cambridge, when did you get so smart?”

Tom smiled and rubbed his hand over the nape of his neck. “Not for lack of trying.” He raised his head, eyes finding hers once more. “I’ve had a lot of time to do a bit of soul searching, if you will. And, though it’s still mostly a work in progress, I’ve learned that talking helps. And talking to someone, especially someone who is objective, makes a difference.”

Rosemary looked at him blankly, trying to process just what he was trying to tell her. And more importantly, why he was telling her. “Talking to someone?” She began, repeating his words, trying to ascertain their meaning. “Like a therapist?”

He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand once more, his eyes locked on the table before him. He looked as vulnerable as she’d ever seen him and it tugged at her heart.

Her brows furrowed an unsettling realization nagging at the back of her mind. “Because of what happened? With us?” The words felt wrong, selfish and self-centered and not at all what she’d meant. But she couldn’t seem to find ones that would convey what she desperately wanted to understand.

Tom shook his head, “No. Because of me. Because I didn’t much care for the person I was becoming.” He rested his hands on his knees, eyes locked on the floor. “It got to be too much; the fame, the attention, the scrutiny from the press and fans alike. I’d dealt with it all before, and I thought I had a fairly good handle on it. I was able to tune it out and just go about my life. And then that summer…” he took a deep breath and shrugged. “It got so much worse and it didn’t seem to go away. It didn’t matter what I did, between the cameras and the fans…It was something I was struggling with. Something I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around, couldn’t control. So I threw myself into my work because then at least I could control that. I worked and I worked and I tried to ignore it. And then I met you and I felt like I could breathe. It was all still there but I could forget for a while. And I did and it was wonderful. But it didn’t go away and instead of dealing with it, I ran. And then I threw myself back into work and the vicious cycle started all over again. But this time I wasn’t handling any of it and I couldn’t fake it. Not anymore. I was pushing people away, putting up walls, lashing out. I wasn’t me anymore and that scared the shit out of me. So I sought out help.”

“And did it?” She whispered and, realizing her question wasn’t completely clear, added “Help, I mean.”

Tom raised his eyes and caught Rosemary’s once again, nodding. “It’s helping. It’s a long way yet but yes, I think it’s helping.”

“Good.” She took his hand in hers and squeezed. “I’m glad.”

The knock that sounded at the door startled them both. Rosemary quickly pulled her hands away, confusion coloring her features. What on earth…

And then it hit her, “My food!” She jumped from the couch, grabbing her wallet from the table in the hall where she’d dropped it at Tom’s sudden apparition. She ignored Tom’s chuckle at her unexpected outburst, knowing he’d seen her so far worse.

Rosemary smiled politely at the girl standing at the door, as she took the bag and paid her. Closing the door with her hip, she turned back around and held the bag up towards Tom. “I’d nearly forgotten about this.” She smiled softly at him, “I’ve got enough to feed a small army. You’re welcome to have some…If you want…” she trailed off, feeling like a prize idiot. Or a lovesick fool. No, she cursed at herself. Do not go there.

She watched the indecision play across his face and tried desperately to stamp down her own rising disappointment. Things had been emotionally jumbled and tense between them. Of course he’d want to go. But god, how she wanted him to stay. Just for a bit longer.

“Are you sure?” His voice was soft, tentative. “I’ve already barged into your evening enough as is. I don’t want to put you out anymore than I already have.” She could see the indecision warring with what she thought was wary hope in his eyes.

“No, please,” she started, placing the bag into the coffee table and standing in front of him, trying desperately to keep her voice calm. “Stay. I’d like you to stay.”

#Tom Hiddleston #Tom Hiddleston RPF #Tom Hiddleston x oc #Tom Hiddleston x ofc #Tom Hiddleston x original character #tom hiddleston x original female character #Tom & Rosie #Love & Great Buildings

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