#死/// Time is Better Spent Alone With You; Naoya.

[inun4ki]

i’m sorry i wasn’t here, not just tonight, but every day. i haven’t been here. i know that now.

random sentence prompts

He's not paying much attention - too little, too late, anyway. Empty packages of bandages, gauze, a curved needle, and thread were strewn about in bloody piles, evidence, now, of the self-inflicted lacerations on his arms and upper thighs; Having to use his Blood Sacrifice technique more and more frequently, give away lifeblood and pieces of himself just to scrape by. All in a day's work, he supposed, just desserts for doing his thankless job, protecting thankless people. By the times things were through, would he have anything left? Would the hands so possessively cradling him, interrupting his desperate attempts to stop the bleeding- Would they still? Would Naoya still touch him, fight with him like they were kids, and kiss him when no one was looking? Would he still want him if he were ugly and torn up, thoughts a shattered mess, if his gaze was empty and his bones were tired?

He wanted him to, for the loop of his arms to make him feel safe, needed, cared for...for those words to bring him comfort when the weight he bore was at its heaviest. But could Kaede relent? Tear himself from the aftermath of a battle hard-won and sink into layers of fabric and skin, lean on him - finally, at last - and trust he'd still be there in the wee hours of the morning, holding him tightly like he'd fade away the instant he so much as shifted? He wanted to be cruel and push him away, tell him it didn't matter what he said, that he needed to leave, fuck off and go home...but all he could do was tremble, arms too weak and achy, still slick with blood. He breathed a shaky breath and hid his face in Naoya's chest instead, gaze fluttering shut, wincing at the slightest motion.

A relationship he couldn't enjoy to its fullest. There was always something or someone pulling at both of them, too many lines they couldn't cross, too many secrets they had to keep, the looming threat of death each and every day. But he wanted to. How he wanted this to be all there was, freed from the shackles of jujutsu society and allowed to indulge, to love, to keep Naoya's bed warm and his mind occupied - no more blood, no more pain, no more hatred and anger.

Was it wrong of him, to think of nothing else but the false hopes of a future they could share? Death was more than a possibility - it was a certainty, the longer Geto Suguru got to play his games. With every curse he exorcised, every life he couldn't save, Kaede felt further and further away from his shittiest friend - the man he loved most, wanted to see and kiss and writhe under like a lovesick puppy most. Hold hands that'd hurt him before but dug into him now, appreciate the rare softness in his voice, accept his apology.

Oh-so weakly did he grasp at cotton and silk, limply tugging at Naoya as tears welled in his eyes. He didn't want him to see him this way - bedraggled, every hair out of place, clothes shredded to mangled bits, shivering coldly in the dark while shadows tended to his wounds, ugly and torn apart with blood on his hands. He didn't want him to think of him as weak, too soft, to much of a princess to handle the violence he came to meet day in and day out. He didn't want to be seen for the husk he felt he was, not by him. Not by Naoya. He could stomach it from anyone but him; He could take an execution order on the chin, survive being ripped to pieces by curses, withstand cruelest treatment, but he couldn't take Naoya looking at him as if he were broken, damaged beyond repair.

Even if it were true.

Any other night, this tender apology and distracting embrace would've comforted Kaede. It only made the burn in his heart ache all the more. Still, he burrowed, seeking the warmth Naoya offered him, a quiet desperation to the grip he had on his kimono. He could hear his heart beating in his chest, rhythmic, familiar, erratic... Apologizing was hard, and it must've been harder still for him. The thought made lips quiver and tears overflow, that so much pride be swallowed on his behalf and turned into something so tender and necessary. Guilt settled in, followed by self-loathing and a bitter seethe, silk moistened by the salt of his tears. Was he so ungrateful, so damaged that he couldn't give this to Naoya? Never mind numbly throbbing wounds in need of bandaging. Was he so selfish as to deny him, turn him away, whimper in the cold, empty dark of his room-- Hide from him?

Kaede pulled away, lifting his head, miserable cornflower meeting the gold that matched. Always and ever so handsome, no matter the anguish, haughtiness, smugness. He blinked through the tears, trying his hardest not to be further diminished by the whirlwind of emotion and thought coursing through him. Naoya took the time, found him in spite of baleful family members on both sides, and pulled him into his arms to be there for him now.

And it was enough, it was enough - appreciated in time.

"Naoya..." he rasped, mouth going dry, feeling a sharp pang in his chest at the sight of his blood staining the Zen'in's kimono. But he pushed through it, set shaky hands upon his face and grimaced sorrowfully as blood was smeared into his skin, too. He couldn't stop himself from weeping, he knew, but-- He couldn't let him go, not without him knowing his efforts hadn't gone to waste, that what he felt hadn't been ignored. Kaede wasn't perfect, and he was far more selfish than even he realized, but this was genuine, wasn't it? This was real, wasn't it? He meant it...?

"I-I don't need you to...baby me," he rasped, a painful tweak to the hollow of his voice. "I don't need any apologies... What - matters is that you're here now. W-with me. And it's...it's enough."

#死/// Inquiries. #死/// Time is Better Spent Alone With You; Naoya. #/ it got long and sad and i am not sorry #/ take my novel #/ im sorry he's having a crisis #divinezenin

[inun4ki]

-gives kaede a new year's kiss -

belated new year's kiss

It'd been a tense evening at the Zen'in estate, lonely in some ways, but he hadn't minded so much now. Naoya might not have been as soft as he was, but here he stood beside him anyway, fingers hidden in their twining. They'd hung back, much further away from most of Naoya's other family members, nestled somewhere in the garden. They had a clear view of the backs of their heads and the center of the garden, but most of all, the night sky twinkling with stars.

There's no other place he'd rather be than with him, dangerously close, blush on his skin on the eve of the new year. It was cold, but he liked it this way - it gave him an excuse to steal an inch or two closer. He cast a glance up, adoration focusing on intense gold, leafing through dyed hair, trailing along the slope of his jaw... Handsome in every way, bratty spoiled prince in others, but still a most beloved thing. He didn't know when he realized it, not really, a bit preoccupied with an ever constant rash of curses, a mountain of paperwork, among other things. Somewhere in the middle, he'd taken a liking to Naoya, even when he was cruel and unkind - especially so. He wasn't afraid to bleed, swarm him with affection or let show his vulnerabilities.

He was happy, quite happy to stand beside him in the shade of a web of dead branches, soft crackles and pops steadily building to roar, swaths of color bursting across the sky - yet still, all he wanted to look at was Naoya, undeterred by fireworks and echoes of excitement and awe. Just him, the moments they had alone; No eyes could be spared to watch them, and Kaede had to take his opportunity, fully holding his hand and reaching up with the other to cup his face, urge him to look at him. Such a special moment couldn't be wasted, could it? Not even for selfish fools as they.

"Ara, Naoya-chan... Heppy New Year."

And then he pulled, pushing himself up onto the balls of his feet and kissing Naoya with all he had, tender, soft, but empassioned all the same. Skin against skin, tongues so briefly melding together, thunderous explosions hanging above them. It was only for a moment, but arms had snaked around his waist, warm and firm, affections returned. He wished it could've lasted longer, so lips and teeth could make their mark, so fingers could wander between kimono layers and brush against the skin beneath. It may have been chilly, but Naoya was warm, and he tasted like cinnamon and sugar - how could he not?

When at last they parted, he felt a twinge of disappointment. He ought to be grateful he'd been able to get that much; If he'd had his way, he'd have snuck off with Naoya and spent the time doing other things while everyone was busy, spoil him while he had the chance. He'd always been impatient and needy though, only too pleased to climb his favorite Zen'in like a tree and sweat it out. A secret so carefully kept, yet one so happily indulged. But, still, he ought to be grateful for at least a kiss. They could make out like lovesick teenagers another time.

As long as they were together, he couldn't complain.

@divinezenin

#死/// Inquiries. #死/// Time is Better Spent Alone With You; Naoya. #divinezenin #/ i'm going to draw them i'm going to draw them i'm going to draw them i'm going to draw them i'm go #/ anyways gay yearning #long /

[inun4ki]

relationship tag dump

#死/// Another Life With You. #死/// Closest Thing to Family; Yami. #死/// A Sacrifice in Your Name; Geto. #死/// I Must Confess or Beg & Plead; Jezebel. #死/// Blood of the Covenant; Yanna. #死/// Photographic Healing; Adrian. #死/// Time is Better Spent Alone With You; Naoya. #/ and maybe someday i'll add more :>

[inun4ki]

im assuming we are going on a date for valentine's day - said while arms crossed and looking away - ( way to ask someone to be his valentine )

"I-I suppose... I didn't know you were interested in that," Kaede attempted, a bit perplexed by the clear indication this was a demand as opposed to a request. He didn't mind - it'd been several years since he'd bothered with the holiday, though he couldn't quite remember the person he'd been with the last time. Couldn't have been any good if his memory failed him, but maybe it would be different with Naoya - he might've been a spoiled asshole some of the time, but he knew Kaede in a way, loved him in his own way, and despite his faults, despite his temper, he was here. Asking to do something with him on a romantic holiday.

Of course, Kaede fiddled with a lock or two of his hair, hardly able to maintain eye contact for the moment, thinking to himself about what he might wear on this date he would undoubtedly be going on with the leader of the Hei. Something nice, naturally, with a bundle of yellow carnations tucked under his arm - yes, those would be a fitting gift for Naoya. Flowers were a custom of his, one he put a lot of thought into even if he couldn't always remember them. In any event, he stood there, staring off into space as his mind sifted through formal clothes, more revealing outfits, and a million more after that. He had to look perfect, that much he was certain about.

But, he had to admit, he'd never thought Naoya would want to do something on Valentine's Day. Wasn't that corny, beneath him? Had they ever been on a real date before, or had it always been sneaking a few minutes here and there when they could manage it?

"Where do you want to go, Nao-chan?" and he looked up at him, reaching a hand toward him and prying his arm away from his chest. "Do you want to go out to eat, have dinner with me?" Slowly, now, gently grasping Naoya's hand. They weren't anywhere anyone could see them; He could touch him, if only for a moment. "We could go to a hotel again, drink wine and watch movies together. Or, we could do something else." Then he reached for Naoya's face, fingertips just barely dragging across his jaw - he wanted him to look at him. "Maybe a walk someplace quiet, maybe you could come home with me."

#死/// Inquiries. #死/// Time is Better Spent Alone with You; Naoya. #/ he's more worried about looking nice on the date than he is about naoya being a haughty baby #/ he's probably blushing while he's looking away smh

[inun4ki]

🌿🍒 / @divinezenin

send “🌿🍒” (or "mistletoe") for my muse's reaction to standing under a mistletoe with your muse

He noticed it first, if only because he tried like hell not to look directly at Naoya during the evening's festivities. He'd gone so far as to avoid him outright in some instances, mingling with other, lesser members of the Zen'in clan and guests alike, even the maids. Though of course, he'd have liked to have spent the entirety of the evening tangled in some mass of sheets and exchange gifts without being bothered, but there'd moments spared when no one was looking, too - in the garden, in a crowded room, brief touches and shared glances. Sneaking around like teenagers, who'd have thought?

But he noticed it first - the mistletoe hanging above them in the doorway, unable to dodge Naoya any longer, present efforts gone to waste. So easily caught and cornered by mere chance, running into each other down some hallway a distance away from the holiday party, avoiding everyone else as much as they were pretending not to notice each other. Handsome as always, a bit weary in the eyes, but still annoyingly handsome in his own right. His first instinct was to touch him, tug on his kimono and into a kiss, to finally close the distance that'd been between them all evening - but he abstained, hesitating a moment, gaze flitting between the smooth, white mistletoe and the gold in Naoya's eyes. All he could do was flush, blush, and recoil, scramble for his composure and sense of propriety in case anyone might be watching.

"Naoya-dono!" Kaede rasped in surprise, casting glances every which way, frantically searching for any eyes that ought not be watching. There were none, and he had to remind himself that most would be elsewhere. In that case, was Naoya looking for him? Or had he scuttled off to take care of something Hei or party related? Maybe he went to the bathroom, who knows? Kaede didn't care about the hows and whys, only that they had an opportunity, shock and awe giving way to the need to touch--

Fingertips skimmed the collar of his kimono, defying the anxieties whirling within him and the burgeoning reminders to remain chaste and secretive, all reason slipping away as quickly as it'd come to him. They'd been separate all night, surely he could risk just one kiss...? So he hooked his fingers into silk and pulled, free hand easing up and into Naoya's hair, impulse dragging them together into a brief flurry of desperate tenderness beneath mistletoe and garland, in the shadows where none at all could witness them.

Naoya could yell at him some other time, when everyone else had gone to bed and they had an opportunity to celebrate the holiday alone. He could do whatever he liked, caution expressly thrown to the wind in favor of sharing in harried affection. One kiss and the heat of mingling breaths, then another and another, tightly grasping at silk and hair for just a moment longer--

#死/// Inquiries. #死/// Time is Better Spent Alone With You; Naoya. #/ listennnnn #/ the duality of a man #/ ok maybe i lied before. he's definitely conscious of his love for naoya #divinezenin

[inun4ki]

WIFE / HUSBAND APPLICATION:

Name:  Naoya

Age:  27

How well do we know each other?:  idk them

Do you have a pet name for me?:  kae - chan

Do I have a pet name for you?:  nao -chan ?

Are you attracted to me?:  yes , a lot no

Why do you want to marry me?:  bc you are annoying

Big wedding or Small wedding?:  small

Do you see children in our future?:  we cant but maybe a cat , i like cats

husband / wife application

Happily ignoring Naoya's denial of his attraction to him - as if to imply he was ugly, rude! - Kaede can't help but extend an invitation, trying his best not to appear moved (and failing completely). He didn't even care that Kurai would have his entire ass for bringing over a Zen'in without any prior warning, or really at all - formalities and all. But at least he had a bedroom and a private garden, so whatever, whatever... Right? Right.

"Well, then, Nao-chan... I-I already have a cat, so why don't you just come over and spend some time with me and Muushi? We can talk all about this goofy, gross stuff later. Y'know, in private."

#死/// Inquiries. #死/// Time is Better Spent Alone With You; Naoya. #/ so basically 'yes okay'

[inun4ki]

*kiss kiss * @divinezenin

The interruption was small - an idle, nearly absent-minded brush of something warm and soft against his temple. Just a little, just enough. Kaede glanced up from the bundle of important papers he'd been tending to, quietly snapping the rubberband wrapped around them, a smile tweaking the corners of his lips. Naoya wasn't looking at him anymore - in fact, he'd gone back to shuffling around with his own stack of papers, sifting through the influx of letters, formal requests, orders... To be truthful, he wasn't exactly paying attention to their contents. He'd only come to bother the good leader of the Hei, distract and mess with him really; Things didn't exactly go according to plan.

Or, maybe it was just an excuse to spend time with him, the long and dreary task of paperwork paperwork paperwork providing it in spades. Unwilling to let the opportunity to pass him by, he...leaned against Naoya, head resting against the ball of his shoulder with his cheek as the point of contact. As he nestled himself into place, he brought a hand up to Naoya's, gently encouraging him to stop for a moment, put the papers down, and pay attention to him, fingers splaying across the top of his hand. His was much larger by comparison - Kaede may as well have used both hands.

Still, he was intent upon distracting him. A few kisses to the temple couldn't go unrewarded! After all, it was so rare they were pleasant to each other...and he'd have liked to have dragged that out just a bit longer, pulling Naoya's arm around his shoulders and casting an impish glance upward, pressing a kiss or two to his shoulder before lifting his head altogether and grinning almost sweetly.

"Naoya-dono, can't we finish this later? I didn't just come here to help you, y'know..." he muttered, coyly batting his lashes. Pliant, embracing the truth for the moment, he circled an arm around Naoya's waist and shifted, free hand resting on his chest and lightly fidgeting with the collar of his kimono. He smelled really nice. Kaede wondered if he'd always worn cologne, or if his nose was just playing tricks on him. It didn't much matter to him in the moment, however, his attention squarely fixed to a pair of golden eyes that watched him intently. "Spend some time with me, yeah?"

@divinezenin

#死/// Inquiries. #死/// Time is Better Spent Alone With You; Naoya. #/ he's helping him go through paperwork :> #/ by *not* doing that and distracting him instead #/ idk if nao does paperwork skdjfhs but the idea was cute

[inun4ki]

#死/// Music. #死/// Time is Better Spent Alone With You; Naoya. #死/// Queue. #Spotify

[inun4ki]

❛ the only one who gets to kill you, is me. ❜ ( this is the most romantic way he can be towards kaede )

"Is that so, Naoya-chan? It's cute you think you'd be able to in the first place, so I'll let you have this - but only this once," he cooes sweetly, gently flicking him in the forehead. "So don't get a big head about it, yeah? Otherwise, I think I'll be the one to kill you~"

#死/// Inquiries. #死/// Time is Better Spent Alone With You; Naoya. #/ it wouldn't be them if they weren't threatening mutual harm

[inun4ki]

-grabs his face and leaned in to give him a kiss out of nowhere -

Completely taken aback, Kaede gasped and squirmed where he stood, utterly frozen to the spot, every reason he'd bothered to visit torn from his mind. Lips mash against his own, rough and sloppy, hands grasping at his face, sheeks squished together, and keeping him from making an escape. And oh, how he wanted to, steadily drawn in by the heat of Naoya's breath, the indomitable token of viciously reluctant affection.

The tight grip he'd had on his bundle of manila files slackened until they'd all but fallen away, gloved fingers taking hold of Naoya's yukata and pulling, files clattering against the stone pathway. At first surprised, then wholly lost in an end to certain tensions, temporary lapses in judgment causing butterflies to swarm him, heart fluttering in his chest. How brazen of the Zen'in to put him in this position, startling him with a kiss when he least expected it, unmatched stoicism shattering in an instant. How brazen of him to sink into it like it made perfect sense, slip of the tongue teasing at rival lips.

Fine, fine - he was fine. Totally normal about this, in fact, raspily sighing into the kiss, arms sliding around Naoya's neck and-- Kaede parted the moment he realized just how deeply he'd fallen into his clutches, shoving him away, smoothing out any wrinkles in his own clothes, and desperately pretending as if he wasn't affected. But anyone with eyes could see the blush on his face - Naoya especially, the idea mortifying him - no matter how hard he tried to hide it. He quickly retrieved his collection of files and swallowed.

"I'm - going to kill you," he hissed, bitterly tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. "Shame you in front of your father and all your maids..."

#死/// Inquiries. #死/// Time is Better Spent Alone With You; Naoya. #/ dusts off the shiny new tag #/ idiots the both of them skjdfhs