#''scored on our goalie that we hate and want traded but no one is allowed to score on us ever so fuck this guy''
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picture the trope where A rushes up to B at a crowded bar or club and says please please do a me a favor and kiss me/act like my date to make my ex jealous/make this asshole stop hitting on me/some other urgent reason. who on the Giants, Sharks, and/or Cuda is most likely to be A? who as B is most likely to say sure I got ya? who is most likely to say fuck no? you can answer within each team or across teams, however you like.
omg well first of all I would be remiss in admitting that I sort of wrote this fic with Kris Bryant and Brandon Crawford, when I was deep in my Kris Bryant Is A Giant thirst and very foolishly believed Farhan Zaidi did not want me dead in the delta somewhere, BUT it lacked urgency. also it's not very good. but it exists, as a time capsule...
Giants: I truly believe Patrick Bailey is so goofy in private that he doesn't know shit about fuck but he IS good in a crisis, so he cheerfully kisses the hell out of Brett Wisely when Brett begs him to play along to get this asshole off his back. (ig we're going rookies tonight.) conversely Joc Pederson would say fuck no bc I don't trust him and also the Rogers twins would be too confused to play along appropriately but their corpse-like pallor and dead-eyed stares would get the job done just the same. I love them. Anyway I chose Brett Wisely for A bc sometimes he reminds me of a nervous purse dog
Sharks: this was so hard bc I don't actually know who is on the Sharks...I think Oskar Lindblom is still a Shark?? and I think he would be in a club and some guys would get too weird about him AND! controversial opinion, I think he would turn to Mario Ferraro for help bc no one's fucking with a guy with no teeth even if that guy reviews bagels on Youtube. Mario doesn't kiss him but he very possessively puts an arm around Oskar and smiles with zero teeth. Also Vlasic would say no to kissing, but he does start talking so loudly about water filtration and body decomposition that the guys who were getting too wild with Oskar get freaked out and leave them alone. Oskar is A because he is very pretty and often looks startled
Cuda: Daniil Gushchin needs to make his ex jealous...thanks for being my guy, tall Russian guy with a sweet smile <3 Nikolai Knyzhov is not his guy, he does not want this, his sexuality crisis is private and personal, but when a feral little man is climbing him like a tree, what is he going to do honestly. This guy seems like he might bite hard enough to draw blood if Nikolai drops him?? Guess he's gotta kiss him. This is a crossover bc I just looked at the Cuda roster and Kny isn't listed however it's important to me that Goosh and Kny kiss. Also I think Shakir Mukhamadullin would be so startled he would say no but then he would feel really bad and buy Goosh a drink so the ex gets jealous in the end anyway. I also got in at the ground floor of the Artem Guryev hype machine last year at the rookie tournament and I'm determined to get everybody on fuckin board this year now that he's with the team for real, so I'm saying he doesn't say yes to kissing but he does IMMEDIATELY start swinging, which is not what Goosh wanted, but is, in some ways, even better.
Thank you for asking...this made me so happy to think about...
#looking at the cuda roster is giving me several new fears btw (googled so i could spell mukh's name correctly)#mike grier and joe will really said how can we create the most chaotic defense corps in at the ahl level. and followed their bliss#there are no dads. we're gonna die. sieloff i am begging you to announce your retirement and join the coaching staff#ur seriously going to leave NICK CICEK to parent ARTEM GURYEV. ALONE?? oh my god we're fucked#hey do we like ryan carpenter. i need an old man to thirst after and for some reason i feel like people canceled scott sanbourin#maybe it was just maple leafs fans cancelling him. i can't keep track of what's a cancellable offense and what is just#''scored on our goalie that we hate and want traded but no one is allowed to score on us ever so fuck this guy''#that tag is going to get me in trouble sorry maple leafs fans. i don't understand you but i respect your beliefs. coexist#ok i gotta close this roster tab it's giving me too much anxiety. why is henry thrun listed as a cuda but not kasper halttunen#18yo second rounder YOU are a san jose shark!!!#cage replies#tausendsorgen
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New Look Sabres: GM 51 - CHI - Cruel Comedy
What the fuck! I hope you saw the explicit tag before you clicked on this one because this is not going to be safe for all readers. My Sabres fandom starts somewhere around 2011 so I am intimately acquainted with shitty hockey. There is a time and place for shitty hockey. When you’re tanking for example: that is the time for shitty hockey. If you’re in subtle protest of Dan Blysma: that’s the time for shitty hockey. If you’re on a mad winning streak and tearing up the league I guess you’re kind of entitled to lay an egg of shitty hockey in one game. None of those scenarios I just described are currently occurring with this team unless there is a locker room plot I missed against Phil Housley. Hell, there is an open rebellion amongst fans against Phil and at this point is that not justified? The point is this shit is completely uncalled for! Did Drake Caggiula insult everyone’s wives and girlfriends? The only answers the Sabres had at the end of the 1st period and for most of the 2nd period was fight. Not the symbolic sense of the word where their play improves as they try to fight back into the game; no the old time hockey garbage where they make a statement with their fists! Andrew Peters would be proud you fucking disappointment wagon! You know what: every stat, advanced and otherwise, would point you to the Sabres being ready to fuck this Hawks team sideways. Hawks goals allowed, Hawks goal for, second and third period goals, defensive play, shots, and scoring chances: every fucking category! I don’t even know where to start with this shit!
For real this time: Fire Phil Housley. Several games back against Tampa Bay I said this club has probably given us the outline, the criteria if you will, to Fire Housley. I waited so long to jump on this ugly self-hating bandwagon but here I am on this bad fucking bandwagon. If he gets fired that will be five Sabres coaches in six years. I’m sure that doesn’t matter to Jason Botterill but holy hell it should matter to us at some point. Fuck it: he’s insane. I don’t need to even talk about Lawrence Pilut: he got into this game even if it’s with City punching bag Marco Scandella. It’s all the shit Housley doesn’t do: like make big changes when the Sabres need consistency or making no changes when the Sabres need them. Its ten minutes into the second and the Sabres are down 3-0 on the back of three fucking snipes from the two old dudes and Caggiula’s first. What does Housley do? Not a damn thing. Starting Hutton in the first place probably wasn’t wise but fuck, dude: when you’re getting your shit pushed in by the Chicago Blackhawks, not the 2013 Chicago Blackhawks, the 2019 CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS, then you’re doing something wrong. Not only am I not sure Housley put his best roster forward for this game, I’m not sure he had any motivational or tactical moves in mind to fire up the comeback machine once the sky started falling. It’s the beginning of a seven game home stand, your club needs points in the standings and Patrick Kane is back in town and you’re allowing this shit!? This game made me stare into the fucking abyss with this team!
You want a play by play? Huh, shit. The first period sounded like the Sabres we’re playing their game against what is objectively a weak Blackhawks team. They got more shots all period and even got two opportunities on the powerplay. Then Drake Caggiula scored. I’ve already mentioned this poor kid’s name three times this blog but his first career goal is a turning point. It was so massive it put fucking laxatives in all the Sabres water bottles because they came out in the second to SHIT ALL OVER THE ICE! Here’s the thing: the Sabres somehow outshoot the Hawks this second period as well but they could not be worse at advancing the puck. All their passes were intercepted and all their turnovers turned into D-zone time. They must have been turned on from when the Stars pushed them around in Dallas because they got pushed around by the fourth worst team in the league last night! Kane, Keith and later Saad to make sure we’re sad! Remember when Brendan Saad’s name was a stupid meme in 2014? That meme rose from the dead to end the second. All the Blackhawks jerseys in the crowd only made it worse. Who are Buffalo Blackhawks fans? The answer is Patrick Kane’s family and his teenage drinking buddies. I have a feeling all those Hawks jerseys couldn’t have been one of those two groups all though Buffalonians do tell me he was always a prolific drinker. Jack Eichel did score a Rasmus Ristolainen shot deflection to provide a little ray of hope but that was promptly expunged. Oh, I don’t even want to put up with you punks wanting a trade for Kane. The whole second period was just a list of grievances about this team!
The Sabres won in Columbus and they were in it for 85% of the game in Dallas. They have been bad for weeks and months now but they were looking better out of the bye-week. That false flag just shit in all our mouths! I was celebrating an anniversary with my wife so the two of us watched a comedy during this third period. I’ll tell you if I wasn’t so emotionally involved I would say this third period is quite funny! Jason Pominville maneuvers right in front of that demon goalie Cam Ward 3:30 into the third and puts one over him. This goal demonstrated how fucking soft the Hawks defense was this game letting Pommer in there to score one-on-one with Ward. Oh boy is the comeback machine firing up again!? Next it’s Kyle Okposo who gets credit for a puck passing Ward in a net crashing play where everyone was just pounding their sticks like they were begging the God of Irony to not let this game end in a stinker. Kyle Okposo who was punished with the fourth line but what’s that Coach Housley: You’re going to put a veteran first and try and change the game by putting Okposo on the second line? Well look at that, you got the Sabres within one. You put Linus Ullmark in net? Wow maybe you don’t need the Veterans but I’m not giving you credit for that one because you started Hutton to begin with. You ready: it’s time to stare into the abyss with me. Connor Murphy wrist shot equals goal. Patrick Kane with an empty netter to surpass 900 NHL points and become one of the fucking top seven Americans in points! And then Brendan Saad with an empty netter because irony lives in a mansion down on Delaware avenue and he loves going to Buffalo Sports events! Game over: YOU STINK!
To Housley’s credit apparently he tore into them afterward. Remi Elie going on waivers today could be Jason Botterill beginning to make some moves to fix this mess. In the meantime I’ve mentioned this abyss we stared into with this game a couple times. Let’s shine a light into this abyss to see what it holds: for one the Sabres being one of the worst teams in the league in terms of points gathered and record since the win streak steers us into this abyss. It holds the misery of at one point being first in the NHL and then missing the playoffs in March. It’s another offseason starting in April where we get engrossed in the Draft and wonder what offseason moves happen and how they affect the team next season. It’s another fucking season with no playoffs. I was in High School last time they made it and I wasn’t even really into sports then! Oh my God, it’s talking about an 84 point finish as an improvement when we finished LAST a season ago! THIS SHIT IS CYCLICAL! IT’S LIKE WE’RE NOT ALLOWED ANY FUN! Is it because the Bills went to the Superbowl four straight times and lost? I’d sell that fucking team to Nazem Kadri himself if it gets the SABRES ONE FUCKING PLAYOFF BERTH! Here we are losing to the Blackhawks! We all knew 1st place in November was a fluke but this: THIS IS JUST CRUEL! Holy shit I need to relax! I have to prepare to host a Superbowl party and watch the most hated man in Football win another Superbowl this weekend. There is just no rest! I cannot believe this whole fucking mess!
Drop a like. Each like goes toward maintaining my sanity like all those thumbs up on Facebook go toward bringing clean water to sub-Saharan Africa. Comment if you’re wondering what my solution to this mess is. I was going to include some replacements for Housley and some tactical ideas but I didn’t have the patience with this team if they can’t even win games that are laid out on a silver platter for them to win. Share this blog: I was party inspired to do this based on Steve Dangle’s Leafs Fan reaction. The early years of that were enjoyable for me as a Sabres fan because the Leafs sucked ass. It was pretty masochist in retrospect but if you’re the Leafs fan in the opposite position reading my shit in a masochistic way I really want to learn your story. Hell, just share this blog if you think we can commiserate together. Enjoy your Superbowl weekend and get ready for either further depression on Tuesday or more hope that the worst may not be happening. At this point either outcome would be an uproarious comedy.
Thanks for reading.
P.S. The Florida Panthers are totally going for Artemi Panarin and Sergei Bobrovsky. Perhaps next season we’ll have the matchups we expected to have with them this season.
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Biscuits! Lozo and DGB on Vegas Expansion, Bad Deals Waiting to Happen
This article originally appeared on VICE Sports Canada.
The following is from an email exchange between Dave Lozo and Sean McIndoe (Down Goes Brown). Each month they will talk some nonsense and debate the biggest topics in the NHL in our monthly review. You can also check out the Biscuits podcast with Sean and Dave as they discuss the events of the week.
Hi Dave...
Welcome to summer. After eight months of hockey, the season is over and we're officially on to the offseason. And in theory, it should be an especially entertaining one. With an expansion draft less than a week away and a bunch of trades, buyouts and other maneuvering that presumably has to happen before then, we could be looking at one of the busier weeks in recent history.
So my first question is: Am I just getting my hopes up here? Is there any chance the next week lives up to the hype?
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Lozo: The next week will be a lot like the Ottawa Senators in the playoffs. It will involve a lot average players in the spotlight getting a lot of attention but ultimately it will let you down in the end. Remember the Teravainen/Bickell trade? Packaging a good player with a bad deal? That'll be the height of it. A bunch of those moves. A couple buyouts. A non-expansion trade that will be decent.
Marc-Andre Fleury going to Vegas should be the biggest expansion story, but there's no way the Knights hang on to him, right? They have to flip him to Calgary or somewhere else.
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DGB: The cynic in me wonders if the whole "Marc-Andre Fleury is the greatest teammate ever" victory tour that's broken out over the past few days might at least be a partial case of the Penguins working to create a market. Sure, his numbers aren't great, but if he's Mark Messier in goalie gear, surely some team that values heart and grit over performance would be willing to pay up. And yes, that team would be Calgary.
The flip side is that the Penguins have four decent defensemen and probably only three protection slots. So it's plausible that they decide to just let the Knights take Fleury so that they don't have to worry about the rest of their roster. I guess it all comes down to where they can find the most value.
Speaking of value, or whatever the opposite of value would be: Dan Girardi. The Rangers announced they are buying him out. You're a New York guy... is this remotely a surprise?
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Lozo: Not in the least. Girardi hasn't been good in quite some time and Rangers fans will wonder forever if they could have contended again in 2015 if they had let Girardi walk and signed Anton Stralman instead. I mean, they contended. They got to a conference final Game 7 and lost to the Lightning… and Stralman.
There's a great teammate vibe about Girardi, too. But while Fleury had value, Girardi hasn't had value since maybe 2014. Girardi is the poster boy for the new NHL in terms of defenseman who can start breakouts and analytics. It's funny that Girardi types are being phased out of the game faster than fighters.
Now the Rangers have freed some more room for Kevin Shattenkirk, who should help carry the Rangers to maybe the second round again.
You know what's weird? The notion the Preds can't lose James Neal. If it creates room to sign a No. 2 center, that's good because they need that more than a scoring winger.
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DGB: I'm guess I'm OK with the Predators thing only because their season just ended, and they came so close to winning the Cup. If anyone should be allowed to overrate their existing assets, it's probably them.
But yeah, the rest of this league is getting ridiculous. All these GMs who are about to lose their 14th best player and seem to think it's the end of the world. You know how many players each team lost in the 1967 expansion draft? Twenty! Each! I am using exclamation points! Today's GMs don't have to make trades and get magic bonus points for losing, and somehow they're still here having panic attacks because they might have to part with Jay Beagle.
In related news, Tyler Graovac just got traded, so buckle up because now anything can happen.
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Lozo: I own a Graovac. It's great for big spills and sucking up crumbs between the couch cushions.
Glad we were doing this for that trade but what about what is now the second-biggest news of the day? The Habs have spotted the problem and now working on the trade that will solve their issues—getting rid of Alex Galchenyuk.
The Habs are PlayNow and Marc Bergevin is George Costanza. First the Subban trade and now he's looking to move Galchenyuk. You can't tell me he's not trying to get himself fired so he can collect his entire contract instead of a severance. If he deals Carey Price for Fleury the world will know I'm right.
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DGB: Ha, Price for Fleury, good one. That would be a terrible deal for Montreal, and the only reason Bergevin would ever consider it is because Fleury is a leader and has two Cups and is french and oh my God he's going to do it, isn't he?
Marc Bergevin, a man you can count on to make a bad deal. Photo by Graham Hughes/The Canadian Press
The weird thing with Galchenyuk is that Montreal seems absolutely convinced that he can't play center, even though his numbers there have been pretty good. He's only 23, so you'd figure they might want to give him some time to settle into the position. But apparently they've seen enough, and since they need help at center and he apparently can't play there, he's the trade bait to get a top-six guy.
The other rumor going around today was a Galchenyuk-for-Jonathan-Drouin trade with the Habs potentially kicking in a first. That would be some kind of trade, although Drouin isn't a center so it doesn't seem like a fit. Maybe Montreal just thinks everyone in the league is playing the wrong position.
Other than Montreal, which team is the most likely to make a terrible decision over the next week or two?
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Lozo: Yeah, it's gonna be a great day in 2018 when someone in Montreal writes, without a hit of irony, that the Canadiens need a No. 1 D and C to build around.
I could see George McPhee getting fleeced. When in doubt, look to the guy who fired Bruce Boudreau and traded Filip Forsberg for Martin Erat. He will take on a bad contract but not get enough along with it. Or he will choose the wrong guys off teams. Or he won't get enough in trades for guys he flips. McPhee feels like a lock for about five bad moves.
Also Boston. The Bruins will screw up something.
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DGB: Pencil me in for the Avalanche not getting enough for Matt Duchene but feeling like they have to trade him anyway. Plus anyone who trades for Brent Seabrook. (If that team ends up being the Maple Leafs, you will never see me on this site again because I will have quit caring about hockey forever.)
Speaking of trades, according to Pierre Lebrun, the NHL has asked all 31 teams to make sure that none of the trades they might make with Vegas leak out before next Wednesday. Help me find the logic in this. It should go without saying that you want to prevent the actual expansion picks from leaking out—we covered this in the early days of the podcast. But wouldn't you want fans to hear about trades in advance? Isn't that the appetizer that gets everyone even more excited for the big reveal? I know I say this a lot, but I don't understand what the NHL is thinking here.
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Lozo: If there's a way for the NHL to shoot itself in the face, the NHL will find a way. I guess it's a competitive edge thing for Vegas, but wouldn't the other teams not want Vegas to have that edge and then leak things out? Like, say if I'm a team that made a deal to shed a bad contract and it feels like I paid a lot for them to take that contract, wouldn't I want that price out there so my competitors pay it?
Also, I too want to choose the Duchene thing. That's going to happen.
But back to the Vegas thing, I guess the thinking is fans get to spend Sunday-Wednesday playing around with protected lists, and that's their fun. Then they see the reveal and it's like the lottery drawing and you can see how many players you got right. And now that I'm typing here, we should do that. A contest where you see the protected lists, then guess at the roster with trades that you think will happen, too.
This stuff will all leak anyway.
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DGB: Right, but that's exactly it. If I see my favorite team's protected list and spend three days obsessing over who they'll lose, only to find out they cut a side deal a week ago that I never heard about, I've just been strung along. I don't feel like "Hey, what a fun reveal"—I feel like I wasted my time.
If it's about helping Vegas, well, it's not the league's job to help one team over the rest of the league. And if it's about protecting GMs from finding out they paid more on a side deal than some other team did, then it's yet another case of the league being more worried about the feelings of their GMs than about their own fans. I can't figure out an option where it makes any sense.
Other than the face-shooting thing. I should probably just go with that one. Occam's Raisin and all that.
Speaking of side deals we'll never hear about because the NHL hates us, my favorite rumor is the one that has the Knights agreeing to take David Clarkson in exchange for a first-round pick and/or top prospect. Are there any other realistic scenarios where McPhee and the Knights can get a first-round pick from someone? Maybe the Ducks and their blueline?
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Lozo: They can get a lot of first rounders, I think. I will be the first person to use bullet points in one of these exchanges to show why and how this can happen.
1. It's a weak draft. Teams won't be clinging to them.
b. If you're a win-now team with a bad deal and late pick, you could package those to entice Vegas.
iii. If you have too many good players, you can use a first rounder to get Vegas to not pick your Vatanen or Neal.
If I'm McPhee, I'm punting this year and doing everything to stockpile picks like it's the Bay of Pigs and I'm filling up the bomb shelter with canned goods.
Wait, we are sorta living in a modern time version of this. I'll update the metaphor later.
How about we are this deep into one of our engrossing conversations and we haven't talked about Ilya Kovalchuk coming back yet? We saw what Alex Radulov could do and there doesn't seem to be any excitement about getting a player that was better than Radulov back in the NHL.
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DGB: I wonder if fans are a little worn out on the Kovalchuk story, since we've heard rumors of him coming back pretty much every year since he left. There seems to be way more smoke this time around, but it could be a "believe it when I see it" type of thing. Still, if it's confirmed that he's really back this time, that should make for a fascinating trade watch. Between this and the first pick, the Devils have a real chance to remake their team.
Let's close with one more offseason question. One year ago, we would have said it was unlikely that PK Subban or Taylor Hall would get traded, and that Shea Weber being dealt was outright impossible. A few days later, they'd all be moved. Who would you pick as this year's superstar that doesn't seem like he could be dealt, but ends up getting moved in a blockbuster at some point?
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Lozo: Patrick Kane. He's young and in his prime but the Blackhawks are in cap jail (they get locked up every other year) and Kane is, well, garbage. Trade him while he has value and isn't currently being investigated for any felonies.
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DGB: Wow. You're not messing around. I thought I was going to be going out on a limb with my John Tavares take, but now that seems kind of wimpy.
Could we see another offseason of blockbuster trades? Photo by Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports
Any last thoughts before we wrap this up, hit send, and immediately hear about four major trades that make the entire thing outdated and unprintable?
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Lozo: I'll just cover some possible bases so the news doesn't make this outdated:
1. That secret video footage of referees partying with the Penguins at the parade is really damaging to the NHL.
2. David Poile convincing PK Subban to have his voice box removed is crazy and sets a bad precedent.
3. Jaromir Jagr agreeing to terms with Vegas is great.
4. Carey Price asking for a trade is the best thing for him.
Biscuits! Lozo and DGB on Vegas Expansion, Bad Deals Waiting to Happen published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv
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New Look Sabres: GM 11 - CBJ
I was going to save Rob Ray using the term “Gloryhole” to describe Artemi Panarin’s second goal for the P.S. but I couldn’t help myself and that is just everything you need to know about Rob Ray the broadcaster in one hilarious live TV misspeak. Was he misspeaking? I feel like he used the word totally seriously just not fully realizing what it means… you know in sexual parlay. I actually missed that epic call, I had turned off the stream; not in rage, OT does make the heart race, but I was at my wife’s grandma’s house deep in the Finger Lakes. They aren’t the people to forego a game in the World Series for an October Sabres game. Rob Ray had a pretty classic gaff about that too but this isn’t a Rob Ray blog, this is New Look Sabres. I got to say, I don’t know if I would go through the effort to watch a stream on my phone on Saturday night for last year’s Sabres. This game is pretty indicative of the New Look Sabres I envisioned naming this blog. The Columbus Blue Jackets have proven themselves to be the frustration factory of hockey in the playoffs and if the Sabres ever want to get back to those they will need to beat some CBJs this season. The Buffalo Sabres did not look out of place against these guys and that says a lot.
Tage Thompson made himself useful and got an assist on Kyle Okposo’s first goal of the game crashing the net 98 seconds into the game. Two thoughts on that: Tage Thompson sat the last several games and several Smart Sabres folks pointed out the uselessness of not sending him down. He has taken his time to get comfortable in the system and didn’t look great but if he can start producing he ought to stay. I won’t be offended if he goes down at this point but hey, silver linings, right? Second Thought: Crashing that net. Look at most of the goals the Sabres have scored so far this season, thirty goals to be exact, and the majority will be crashing that net. If the Sabres score goals I’m not upset but is crashing the net the substitute for all our guys not shooting from the point? Just a thought, it’s more rhetorical, I had a lot of time to think about this game. Pierre-Luc Dubois shot from the point. After receiving a pass from Panarin he shot one high on Linus Ullmark. Five minutes later Jeff Skinner found a puck sent from McCabe and launched it two-hole. For the second time in two games a Sabres goal got challenged and stood. I could get used to this. The Sabres would enter the first intermission up 2-1 on the home team. Then the second period happened.
The Buffalo Sabres shut off. They got a single powerplay opportunity but it was the first period since maybe the San Jose game when we saw the Sabres just fall flat. Did they play their game? Perhaps they did: Jack Eichel screeched in on Joonas Korpisalo and got robbed. It wasn’t Sabres who scored this period. Artemi Panarin was a man on a mission scoring 94 seconds into the second in a goal that I will say was sick because I, like anyone with two eyes for hockey, want that guy on my team. He made Ristolainen look like he didn’t know ice is slippery. Those cannon blasts just kept coming and Cam Atkinson scored twice 32 seconds apart to put the Jackets up 4-2 through forty minutes of hockey. I am not even going to defend my boy Linus Ullmark in this period. The whole team sleep walked through this period. Then the New Look Sabres got back in the final frame. Jason Pominville scored on a behind-the-net setup from Jack Eichel to get the game within one two and a half minutes in. Two minutes later the Sabres highlight of this game happened. It took eleven games into his first full NHL season but Casey Mittelstadt scored one, a sausy one on the powerplay but it was his. That’s one monkey we all ought to be happy is off our favorite child’s back. The two teams traded chances for the rest of regulation; one shot by Columbus’ Anthony Duclair was taking a gentle stroll toward the line when Sam Reinhart fished it out. That may have been the play that secured the point in this game as this one went to a brief OT before Artemi Panarin out maneuvered three misaligned Sabres and won it. Sabres lost in OT 5-4 and altogether you probably love what you glean from the Blue and Gold team in this game.
I brought up crashing the net earlier because I think it’s a really interesting point of study in Phil Housley’s system. I am no expert, that’s kind of one of this blog’s calling cards, but does a net-crashing team not play fundamentally differently than a shoot first team? This league is overwhelmingly going in a speed-first direction and that’s made defenses slimmer and agile. Not many teams beat the shit out of you in front of the net anymore. It’s a good strategy for now, but I am just not certain how sustainable it is. It could also be a fair analysis of this team’s strengths by the coaching staff. I looked at those thirty goals Buffalo has scored, aw yeah its cool having that many goals through only eleven games, and very few lead you to believe any skater on this team prefers to shoot from the point. Jack Eichel’s overly-selfless pass-first mentality is well documented but I couldn’t find anyone really who jumps out as an honest-to-God shooter on this team. Kyle Okposo, who has looked like a new acquisition as of late thank God, stands out as something of a shooter but who else? Conor Sheary scores slappers from close up, minus well just call him Lumberjack Conor at this point, Jeff Skinner has scored more of his goals rather tight in there and I’ll leave Sam Reinhart alone for now. Jason Pominville even shoots from a place he can hear the goalies breathe. Maybe I had too much time to think about this game.
This team looks capable of comebacks and that is as refreshing as it gets. More than one observer across the bloggers, beat reporters and newsmen said following this game that this matchup last year… or really any season since Obama’s first term, would’ve turned into a rout. Buffalo comes back now and that’s what good teams do. I will gladly take a few OT heartbreaks that result in a point than fighting the urge to turn off the game before it’s over. Speaking of things I don’t want to turn off: how do you like this blog? Yea, I am talking to you with the shirt. It’s nice to see feedback come in certain non-word ways but it would be cool to read it in text too. Share this, like it, heart it, all of the above, and just spread it around. Know someone stressing about that OT loss to a team that is probably better? Send this to them. Hey you, this ain’t the old Sabres, these guys are allowed to lose tough games if they’re going to fight that hard in them. Well anyway, Tuesday night Calgary comes to town on the back of a faceoff against those cardiac kids up in Toronto so maybe we can put out a fire with one of our own. A home and home with Ottawa awaits us later in the week and a win streak here benefits not only how the rest of the season goes but also divisional bragging rights! Let’s go Buffalo!
Thanks for reading.
P.S. I really hated Artemi Panarin in 2016. I thought he stole Jack Eichel’s Calder Trophy but as I have matured as a hockey fan I realize it wasn’t so much an injustice as an armed heist.
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New Look Sabres: GM 35 - TOR - WHY NOT?
5-3 Regulation Loss
This is a confluence of events that gets you thinking about what kind of Sports City Buffalo is. The Buffalo Bills just locked up their first ten-win season since the year the Buffalo Sabres were last in the Stanley Cup Final. That sealed a playoff appearance this NFL season, the second such appearance this century. The last team the Sabres overcame to go to that 1999 Stanley Cup Final is none other than the Toronto Maple Leafs. Time is a flat circle but this all still feels very new. Buffalo has supported their teams loyally through thick and thin but mostly thin. Times like these feel like the reward. I’m not saying the Buffalo Sabres are due to go to the Stanley Cup Final but us holding the fort through this beyond shitty decade of hockey deserves some catharsis too. Spare a moment to think about how Buffalo is often regarded as a City free agents don’t want to come to. It feels bad but look at the Taylor Hall trade. New Jersey had him, got an MVP season out of him, but has now ultimately lost him. There are far fewer guys in Sabres history who were here for a short time and left. Yeah, there’s Drury, Briere and a handful of others but we don’t suffer from the same things the big popular cities suffer from. In those big markets you don’t have the attachment. They just leave whenever the contracts don’t line up. Sure that happens everywhere, but certainly a lot less in the frozen hellscapes nobody wants to visit like Buffalo. Just food for thought I guess. In the bigger, richer frozen hellscape up the highway, the new Toronto Maple Leafs, the Big Four Leafs if you will, have been good for nearly four years now. That’s begun to feel normal but in spite of that seeming inevitability it is the Sabres who are higher in the standings today. A rough start preceding a Head Coaching change still holds back the team everyone though was a Stanley Cup contender before the season began. National TV and the good taste of Sunday Night Football in our mouths this game was tantalizing opportunity.
Despite a high forechecking start for the visitors the Leafs struck first. Fredrik Gauthier benefited from a Brandon Montour turnover and ripped off a quick one past Linus Ullmark. In spite of the early 1-0 lead for the Leafs, Buffalo continued with an aggressive attack and very rarely too far away from the puck. The problem is they didn’t get many shots on goal, only five total for the whole first period. Most of the Sabres shots were after the twelve-minute mark. New Toronto Maple Leafs Coach Sheldon Keefe played around with line matchups and started juggling the Auston Matthews line away from the Eichel line. That and floating an extra winger seemed to get Buffalo lodged in their zone for uncomfortably long periods of time. Linus Ullmark had a lot of work in the first period. He was dancing with the best of them and robbed John Tavares before robbing Tyson Barrie. Like when I say robbed, Barrie’s jaw literally dropped. Ideally though you want to be the team taking the shots, not the one needing your goalie to have a big night. In the first period the Leafs were the ones shooting. The second period went… well worse. What do you call a horny white dude with a streak of hair on his upper lip? A 1970s pornstar… No: Auston Matthew. His scoring streak was done and the best porn stache Glendale, Arizona has seen in decades decided to whip it out when Jack Eichel is in the house!
A frantic zone entry preceded Morgan Rielly shooting a quick assist over to Matthews who fired it quicker than Ullmark could get over, 2-0 Leafs. What followed afterward for Buffalo was not the best hockey. Uh, no sir, the shooting was better than the first period by purely a shots on goal metric, but something just wasn’t clicking. In some respects the visitors just kind of… well flailed. There was a decent two-on-rush the Sabres got, that mind you was Conor Sheary and Jimmy Vesey, that just stopped dead in its tracks for no reason. Sheary just stopped to dead to play target practice. He did not aim well. When Auston Matthews scored the second time it was a rush done properly and a defensive scheme from Buffalo that just saw nobody try to stop anyone from doing anything. Rasmus Dahlin was in the net behind Ullmark like he didn’t know where to go! 3-0 Leafs and I got to say this was the first time since mid-November it looked like this team was down on itself. Ralph Krueger must have said what the astute observer of the NHL was thinking in the second intermission: this isn’t 2017, y’all have no reason to get down on yourselves playing THIS Leafs team. Stop it. Buck up and go get em. Go get em they did.
If you have a cursory understanding of the Toronto Maple Leafs Hockey Club you may know they just love throwing away leads. Funny thing in this season of giving is that the Buffalo Sabres Hockey Club loves late game comebacks. The Sabres won the Thanksgiving Playoffs last year doing it! The carry over from a John Tavares holding penalty from the last period gave the Sabres the man advantage in the early going and they took some momentum from it. Jack Eichel sets up Dahlin at the point and he launches one all the way home past Fredrik Andersen. Buffalo is on the board down 3-1 now and you better watch out because when the Sabres score powerplay goals they play with reckless abandon. Suddenly this game was a track meet back and forth. On one of those crazy rushes Dmytro Timashov beat Ullmark short side to extend the Leafs lead 4-1. A couple plays later Toronto almost scores and the puck is quickly rotated out of the defensive zone to Eichel already off down the ice in the opposite direction outrunning Justin Holl. Eichel puts it top shelf because FUCK Toronto! Get out of the way of my fucking yuletide spirit! Technically Eichel’s point streak was already continued by an assist on the Dahlin goal but yummy yummy in my tummy, give me banger against the Leafs, thanks Jack! The crazy pace did slow down a little after that unfortunately. I’ll be honest, it’s been a crazy week for my wife and I, so we were eyes deep in Kate McKinnon impressions at this point. Nonetheless the look of a comeback was brewing.
Kyle Okposo scored a rebound tap in sneaky shit and suddenly it’s a one goal game 4-3 with a little over five minutes left in regulation! Steve Dangle’s heart doctor isn’t going to like the look of this one at the next appointment! When Okposo scores it triggers one or both of two things: toxic hockey bros’ tweets about his concussion history or a big dick goal scoring streaks in comeback games. In this case it was both. The Sabres laid it on thick like some warm Canadian maple syrup at a holiday breakfast. I could hear the suburban hockey dads gently whisper “grind it out” into the crisp winter air like angels getting their wings. Unfortunately it was just not to be tonight in the center of the universe. After Ullmark was pulled all it took was one poor pass by Marcus Johansson to spring Ilya Mikheyev on the empty netter insurance goal. That was basically it and this one ended 5-3 in regulation. Those are the worst kind of losses: the ones in regulation… against the Leafs. Wah wah. That was all she wrote. Unlike Saturday’s overtime loss to the Islanders, a loss you almost get up out of your chair at home and clap for, last night’s loss was just… bleh. A regular grinch who stole Christmas.
Now the totally understandable surge of tweets begging for the reunion of Jack and Jeff that unfolded after this game felt like they were forgetting Victor Olofsson. I suppose we do need to see what he can do without Jack centering his line for a prolonged sample size, sure. But that’s not really what you might be apt to take coming out of this game. Like we’ve felt since before fucking Memorial Day: a trade is due here. One top six winger pushes this team to a place where they have some sustainability on the scoring front. This trade has to happen. I would hate it being for a center at this point though those are harder to get! Johansson has done a fine job in the 2C role, but we all know eventually he has to go back to wing, right? We sent Casey Mittelstadt down to Rochester. Johansson was visibly struggling in this game and its hard not to see how that contributed to his game-ending mistake. One more guy, Jason. I know you got some deals on deck. Take them off the back-burner and do them now. Give us a Christmas present. Even with this loss the Sabres are in a divisional playoff spot ahead of the Leafs. Perhaps the Sabres are higher up on the pecking order than they deserve but how about not? Why not this team? Why not go for the playoffs this year? I know you have a long-range plan looking toward the summer, Jason, but come on, these guys can make the playoffs with just a tiny bit more help. At this rate Jack might just drag them there; don’t make him do that. Send in reinforcements.
Now off to a Philadelphia Flyers team flying high on Gritty’s white dust tomorrow. Sure, that looks like a tough game but allow me to introduce you to a new thought. Us Sabres fans are always waiting for the wheels to come off. We look for it and when it happens we feel satisfied in that we predicted it would happen with the same old Sabres. But what if there was another question fans could ask that was less negative all the time. Here’s a clue: I’ve already asked it in this postgame. Instead of predicting how the wheels will come off here’s a new question to ask: WHY NOT? It’s better shouted than spoken. WHY NOT? Why not this team this season? Why not playoffs? Why not us? We’ve learned to ask this question with the Buffalo Bills this season as they’ve put together a nice record and made their playoffs. Let’s start asking it with the Sabres. Why not the Buffalo Sabres? Why not us? Well, how about you like, share and comment on this blog. The Bills making the playoffs give the Sabres a little cover for now. We’re a bit less grumpy about a loss to the Leafs than we normally would be, eh? I’m here for it. Let’s Go Buffalo!
Thanks for Reading.
P.S. Tre White using his alma mater slot to say “Tre White Goalie Academy” has to put a smile on Carter Hutton’s face, right? Don’t we think Hutton could use some smiles these days?
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New Look Sabres: GM 33 - NSH - Jack for Hart
4-3 Regulation Win
Sometimes this team sucks ass. Sometimes it’s fun. In the career of Jack Eichel the results tend toward the latter. Since his sophomore season we have patiently awaited his arrival as a bona fide superstar in the NHL. We have awaited the evidence to shift from why to why not on face of the franchise. We have arrived at the nexus of the Eichel Sabres. Every goal you can think of Jack Eichel can do: tip-in, tight-angle, slapshot, snapshot, Ovechkin office, blueline, boards, up close, far back, you name it he does it. The Buffalo Sabres success or failure runs through Jack Robert Eichel. You thought his 19th and 20th goals were fun last game, well here comes 21 and 22, baby! Say it with me: Jack Eichel for Hart. Jack Eichel for MVP! We’ll get into how he took over this particular game in a minute. For right now allow me to direct your attention to the team around him. Zach Bogosian asked for a trade. All joking about what Bogo is or isn’t on the ice aside his numbers are brutal and his time with this team has been ruined by injury. Trading him will be difficult if it happens. Rasmus Ristolainen this season is proof winning can make you forget where else you want to be. However the reported request begs another question: What is the plan for this season for the Front Office? I have reason to believe, for several reasons, Jason Botterill and the Front Office of this organization targeted 2020-2021 to be their first season truly gunning for the playoffs. John Vogl replied as much to me in an Athletic subscriber Q&A and others, well informed and not, have suggested as much on social media. Whether it was Botterill’s plan from the moment he walked in the door in 2017 or not we may never know. Now, 2.5 years into the second rebuild we’re… uh… in a playoff spot with not a lot of faith we’ll still be in one come April? The other piece here is that there will be an absurd amount of cap room available in the summer. It’s the ideal opportunity to really make some big moves. Perhaps that’s the reason names like Zemgus Girgensons, Johan Larsson, Jake McCabe and yes maybe even Rasmus Ristolainen are still on the team. He’s just skating an entertaining-enough roster to get to this coming summer with no intention of seriously pushing for a playoff spot. I have feelings on this theory of course but more on that later. We got a real slobber-knocker of a game tonight to talk about.
The Nashville Predators sit in a similar situation to the Sabres. They’re just kinda middling as well: a game below .500 fighting for a playoff spot. Both these teams wanted the two points tonight and both teams came out showing their intent to go get it. There was a goal scored in the first minute of this game just like Tuesday. This time it was for the other team. A weird zone entry for the Preds that you’re justified in thinking might be offsides and suddenly Matt Duchene is dangling the pants off everything that stood in his way. Even Linus Ullmark was no match and got deked out before the goal, 1-0 Nashville. It took about 15 minutes but the clap-back energy that is present in this team when they’re at their best arrived when a weird Ristolainen move up in front of the Predators net gave Jimmy Vesey the last touch on a tap-in equalizer. It can not be understated how fast paced this game was from the very first period. When Colton Sissons hammered home a long distance five-hole tally late in the first frame it seemed the home team was out-running itself, still flying to defensive positions. Then period number two came. The Jack Attack arrived in force. A long pass to Sam Reinhart got to the Captain who sized up his options and moved in on Juuse Saros. He shot it top shelf in a tight situation. It was very frankly arousing. The 1980s style graphics and music made it feel surreal and I wasn’t even in the building. Especially as the night went on the building got louder and louder. It wasn’t even a sellout but somehow it doesn’t need to be: when the team is fun so is the building. Take note, Terry.
There are a lot of guys on the team making this fun little stretch of hockey go. Brandon Montour is at full potential. He was probably the best defenseman on the ice the same night Rasmus Dahlin came back. What do you know: Rasmus Ristolainen now has seven points in eight games. Winning solves a lot of our grievance doesn’t it? Also great: Marcus Johansson. There were several rushes and neat zone entries that ran through the super center. Johansson has quickly become the wildest dreams for a second line center Jason Botterill had when he asked for Patrik Berglund. This game was too fun to bring up stuff like that. The returning Rasmus Dahlin got a puck to Henri Jokiharju at the blueline about 14 minutes into the second period. Joker took the shot and it got a tasty touch from Eichel in the slot to redirect it in. Go-ahead goal 3-2 Sabres. The clap-back was on fire. But Nashville has clap-back in spades as well. One opportunity for the visitors beat Ullmark only for the outstretched stick of the Captain to block it. This game was an F1 duel. Four minutes left in the second period and the Preds were in a sustained cycle of zone time. Ryan Johansen got a sneaky rebound the snuck over Linus Ullmark’s outstretched left pad. It was equal again at 3-3. That was probably the most merited score I’ve seen through forty minutes this season. This game, especially the middle frame was just so incredibly even. It was back and forth by the eye-test and 50/50 in most every statistical category as well. Victor Olofsson said it in postgame: “We have confidence because we’re playing like we were earlier this year… we changed the way we play in games like this… we took momentum.”
The fabulous rookie was the decider in this game. Olofsson is becoming the Swedish Artemi Panarin. YES, I’M COMPARING OLOFSSON TO PANARIN! He took over the lead in goals among rookies with a goal off his own rebound. Sam Reinhart kept the puck in the offensive zone and fired a long pass to Brandon Montour on the left boards. Montour put it net-front to Olofsson who took a shot and missed. The rebound bounced around behind the net and he collected it himself to put up and in behind Saros. It was now 4-3 Buffalo and something special unfolded. While there were select chances for Nashville, the defensive play ticked up like everyone was playing penalty kill. The Preds kept getting tied up in the neutral zone, a tale I remember vividly going the other way in an early December game with Nashville last season. This Buffalo team, much like the other one, has found the way to not only winning close games, but forcing the other team to work hard if they hope to have a chance. As the minutes and seconds in regulation ticked away you could see the visitors get more frantic. The Predators ended up outshooting the Sabres 39-32 but thanks to Linus Ullmark continuing to inspire confidence in front of him and a whole team that has discovered their defensive prowess, the goals category remained in favor of Buffalo. Even when Nashville pulled their goalie it seemed as thought they were just taking a series of slappers in the general direction of the Sabres net. None would go, the Sabres won their third straight for the first time since the fast times back in October. Buffalo honored the old Aud and the high scoring 1980s with real gunslinging kinda of a game.
So what is this fun for? It appears this team has arisen from a slump like few teams of recent years were able to. Now that is sorta appears they can, will they pursue the much-pined-for playoff berth? Long time readers of the blog will know exactly my feelings on the 2020 scenario I led this postgame with. I want playoffs now and I think this franchise needs playoffs now! I think this team was good enough to do it last season! Yeah, I’m bullish on that. However, the Alex Galchenyuk rumor, from the mouth of Darren Dreger mind you, disrupts the 2020 theory just a little bit. Galchenyuk, a reclamation project for sure, is an attempt at adding legitimate top six talent. If you get 50% of what Galch was two seasons ago, hell if you get his normal point production, you have a complete top six. Not only that but you have a top six more or less proven to be what this Coach would want to play on night-to-night basis. Love it or hate it Ralph Krueger has always come back to that same top line. Does this team plus a Galchenyuk move not look like a team trying to make the playoffs this season? Once more, how many of us twitter GMs have prognosticated that this team is one top six player away from being something great? Not great like not losing most games, great like could make the playoffs and have a fighting chance once they get there. Games as exciting as tonight are ultimately nothing but memories if they don’t contribute to a point total that can get you a spot in the dance. What does the Front Office think of this season? They can make a decisive statement with a trade, will they?
Believe it or not this was the Sabres first win against the Preds at home since 2008. It was only the second home win against the Predators in Sabres history. That’s an interesting stat. The stats that mattered tonight though are leads. The Sabres defended their last one for eleven and a half minutes against the Predators. That’s hot. More leads: Jack Eichel passed Alex Ovechkin to reach second in the league in goal scoring with his two goals while Victor Olofsson passed Cale Makar for the rookie lead in goal and points. Unreal. As crazy as this is right now the December schedule has no mercy for us. Now the Sabres fly off on a three-game road trip of the Islanders, the Leafs, and the Flyers. That’s not a cake walk. We have a strong MVP candidate on our hands and a very decent Calder Trophy candidate as well; but all our fawning has to mean something or you minus well just call this a rerun. Let’s end on a fun note though, this game merited it: When the Sabres played their last game at the Aud in April 1996 none of Jack Eichel, Rasmus Asplund, Casey Mittelstadt, Henri Jokiharju and Rasmus Dahlin were born yet. It’s a new age in Buffalo. It’s a New Look Sabres!
Thanks for Reading.
P.S. Yes, I know there are also reports Botterill has put a trade on the backburner since the winning resumed. Let’s just hope that’s not the case and move on. Enjoy nice things while you have them: the Sabres are three points up on a playoff spot.
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New Look Sabres: GM 8 - LAK - Stats Class
How much would you give for the Sabres to win a Stanley Cup? The list goes pretty far for me stopping only once you get to some basic human needs and fundamental decency. I’d trade the Buffalo Bills for four of them. I think that’s a fair price for giving up an NFL team, that league sucks ass mightily. The Kings sold it all away for their two Stanley Cups. It’s hard to imagine the City of Los Angeles being a snake-bitten hockey market but before 2012 they were one of those first wave expansion teams who had come close again and again to never actually do the thing. It changed quickly and for most of the early years of this decade they were right up there with Chicago as the class of this league. That whole arrangement is no more. The players that won those Cups are eroding off the roster save for an unmovable few. If you win the Cup, even once, you did it. You’re allowed to be terrible for what… ten years afterward? They sank a lot of assets into those runs and it paid off. And though the dynasty team maybe eroding away that “killer instinct”, that never-say-die attitude, still echoes off the ice. It did last night against the Buffalo Sabres. We might look back on this game as just a record 47-save shutout for Carter Hutton or a record back-to-back plus forty save shutout for him; but this game was not what the score shows. LA never fighting in this game and the Sabres got some luck from the posts. Maybe this team learned something last night. In a tired win against a rested squad perhaps they learned you have to keep coming back, you got to cash in your opportunities or even games you should win will not go your way. The Sabres were not punished for their mistakes last night and they take two points from this one, but they have to be thinking about how the massive Kings counterattack nearly ruined it on multiple occasions. The frequency of occasions this game could’ve gotten away from them was a relative stats class on how to not protect a lead. Nonetheless they did. This was a silly shutout but those count all the same. We’ll talk about some advanced stats that show our Sabres lost their hold on it but at the end of the day the only stat that matters is the score and Buffalo won in that category 3-0.
Casey Mittelstadt was snake-bitten, at least in the goal scoring department. The eternal child looked absolutely elated to get the no goals monkey off his back. Jimmy Greasy Vesey similarly finally got on the scoresheet with an assist on the first goal of this game. The two were streaming into the zone… I don’t know… medium speed (?) and Vesey got the puck to Mittelstadt who sniped it home through a defender and Kings goalie Jake Campbell. You could see the relief both of them had with the outcome of that play. That goal came 2:36 into the game while a little over two minutes late at 5:20 into the first the visitors got their second goal of the game. This time Conor Sheary is getting Casey Mittelstadt into the zone at a faster rate of speed and receives the puck from the boy wonder to quick-fire a puck past Campbell. Campbell must have thought Mittelstadt was going to take the shot. 2-0 Sabres and we’re not even ten minutes into this game yet. As awesome as that was I may regret staying up for this game. The Kings are like if Jurassic Park was real. Yes, they have the killer instinct and the never-say-die attitude still that I mentioned earlier, but like a lot of dinosaurs they’re kind of slow and unwieldy. I’m not kidding when I say that 1-0 goal looked like it was in slow motion. Such a speed-of-smell team is then the perfect foil for a very hot Buffalo Sabres powerplay. After we were already up 2-0 the PP opportunity just absolutely grinded to a halt. There was not a shot on the Kings goal during the full two minutes. That first period powerplay was something microcosm of this game: the Sabres getting only non-dangerous token chances but the Kings just not being able to convert when they got the chance. In this whole first period the Sabres managed only 7 shots scoring on two of them while the Kings shot 11 times.
If you were watching this game as a fan of neither team for some reason the second period was probably the most interesting. As the period goes on the Buffalo Sabres are just caved in in terms of corsi by the LA Kings. I am not smart guy either, so I have been training myself in the ways of this sensei called Corsi for a couple years now. Corsi is an attempt to make a stat about shot differential that makes sense. The guy who invented it, Tim Barnes, was actually inspired to do so after listening to former Buffalo Sabres General Manager Darcy Regier talk so much about shots. Barnes wanted to name it the Regier number or the Ruff number for then-Sabres Coach Lindy Ruff, but both didn’t sound right to him. If he hadn’t been going by a fake name himself he should’ve called the stat Cellino because what combination of names would pay better homage to Western New York than Cellino and Barnes? *Ba dum tis* See what I did there? Anyway, Corsi includes shots on goal, missed shots on goal and blocked shot attempts. In effect it’s how much your team is actually getting puck to the opposition net to put it another way. That also why it breaks down to several sub-categories like 5 on 5 corsi or corsi for and against but I’m already starting to confuse myself here. Feel free to correct me on that description, Chad. By the time the second period is nearing an end the Kings’ corsi is +25 to Buffalo’s -25. The statistical lopsidedness of this game only grew as the game went on. And here’s the thing: the Kings were getting chances galore. Marco Scandella is having a bounce back season so far, but he delivered a goal on a silver platter Ilya Kovalchuk in the second when he squirts the puck (#SabresAfterDark) out from a puck battle behind the Buffalo net to nobody on his team. Kovalchuk was right there, got the puck one-on-one with Carter Hutton at just about point blank with no Sabres defender nearby and fired it wide. They call Alex Ovechkin the Russian machine that never breaks, Ilya Kovalchuk is the Russian machine that broke before the last lockout. Anze Kopitar got a chance earlier where he out-maneuvered Hutton in front but the Sabres’ goaltender’s skate stopped the goal. It’s more or less miraculous the Kings didn’t score through the middle period. You know who did? Yea, Casey Mittelstadt again. LOL.
Our favorite broken Russian machine cross-checked Rasmus Ristolainen and sent the visitors off to a powerplay. Ristolainen then collected a rebound and shot it in Casey’s direction where he was parked in front of the net. Campbell once again failed to track the puck and it ended up in the net behind him. At first it wasn’t clear if Mittelstadt touched the puck at all or if it went in off Kings defender Alec Martinez, but it was credited to Casey. Y’all have two Cups this decade, you don’t get to be upset. And so Mittelstadt was on the Hat trick hunt but because of the aforementioned growing statistical lopsidedness of this game that third Casey goal never came. The third period was wild. I’m told it was at least because admittedly I was in and out of consciousness. I’m no party boy and am no good after midnight. There was only one powerplay and no goals or other big game events in the final frame other than Buffalo holding on for dear life so let’s talk about another advanced stat. This one is a bit easier to wrap your head around then corsi: Expected Goals (xG). Think of expected goals as a combination of various danger-levels of shots on net plus goalie stats mixed in for some flavor. The name is almost self-explanatory, but this stat is literally how many goals should be scored if there was no luck and randomness in the game. Imagine only robots played hockey. If they were flawless robots who didn’t get malfunctions of any kind they would always meet the expected goals statistic. This game is played by humans though, so this stat often shows just how much a team overcomes to get a result. This stat is also often the base stat for all those fun heat maps the nerdiest of stats nerds feel the need to post without any explanation what we’re looking at. The software Chad DeDominicis uses plots it out rather well if you ask me. He tweeted a map of the expected goals and scoring chances for the third period and let me just say Wow. There are a lot of big, scary Kings circles representing high-danger chances right in front of the Sabres net while not so many large circles for Buffalo in front of the Kings net. Though the Sabres won this game 3-0 they were outshot… wait for it… 47 to 24. That’s a record-breaking shutout for Carter Hutton and an opposition outshooting us more than 2 to 1. But hey, we won.
Jimmy Vesey had a pretty decent game for once. I heard his voice for the first time in that interview with Rob Ray in the first intermission. Speaking of people who had a good game, Rob Ray was 100% Rob Ray for this game. He had funny walk up skit in the pregame and fumbled through the aforementioned interview like a champ. We should all have a conversation about Rob Ray at some point about whether we’ve turned him into a self-referential joke about hockey culture but that’s for another day. I brought this postgame to Stats Class, the class I hated the most in undergrad mind you, because this game is pulled straight from the Sabres win streak of last season. They were jobbed statistically and apart from coming back from behind late in the game they exhibited every quality of our fun but ill-fated Fall folly last year. I don’t want to think this is what undergirds the Sabres torrid start and statistically speaking the other wins so far this season show progress and sustainability. I’m all for my club getting shutouts but not like this. I don’t think I can do New Look Sabres reply guy tweet of the game today. By the time Sabres twitter was engaged in this game it was a little too late for quippy tweets, maybe Sunday night when I postgame the Sharks game. For now like, share and comment on this blog to help out. I’ll admit I was totally wrong that they would powerbomb the Kings from lower-earth orbit. I’ll be honest I just like saying that phrase. Here’s a question you could answer in your comment on this blog: What do we think of our first back-to-back of the season? Did it actually effect either game or was it not notable in any meaningful way? Now it’s Evander Kane and the San Jose Sharks on Saturday night to wrap up #SabresInCali. I suspect I’ll be #AndrewInBed before the final horn sounds on that one.
Thanks for Reading.
P.S. I’m fully out of steam on the #SabresAfterDark front. I think I peaked with challenge the goal, daddy.
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New Look Sabres: GM 59 - FLA - Fourida Part One
I was honestly shook quite a bit when Kirpa was eliminated that way last night. I really thought she was going to make it to hometowns. Then again Cassie is probably getting eliminated next week if we’re all being honest. Oh yeah, this is the Sabres blog. I’m a married man now and this is the first full season of the Bachelor or Bachelorette I’ve watched. I’ve enjoyed it more than the Sabres as of late and I think you know why. I also trust your intelligence enough to understand that if you’re not enjoying an entertainment product enough to justify consuming it than you should step back. At the end of day that’s what our watching hockey is. You could probably read my frustration after the Devils game and that is not a good place to write this blog from. I took a step back. I am going to miss this in the summer. There is going to be a space of late August where I’m dying for this team’s name. This team hasn’t been in the playoffs for going on eight years and nonetheless I take in every little bit of Buffalo Hockey. I just love it and that’s how this blog started. That’s the new attitude. Therefore, I now give you, very enthusiastically, Playoff Trash Talk: Florida, you haven’t had your traditional second half run to get to the playoffs. Is everything ok? The Sabres are in no position to lecture y’all in how to make the playoffs but perhaps Buffalo can teach you all a lesson in playing once you’re there. Oh, you’re tired of the no-one-comes-to-our-games joke? Do something about it! The national hockey media drops Buffalo like a sack of potatoes whenever we’re not competitive so you don’t get to plead for relevance if you can’t be relevant in your own friggin market! You and us are the two teams in this division that always look like fringe playoff teams but never seem to get there. If and when we do meet in the playoffs you can bet the Sabres got more to give than your merry band of tanned Canadians. Sabres in 6! Now let’s get down to tonight’s matchup: the prior three matchups this season were a story of frustration and jubilation on both sides. We thought there was a Skinner-Yandle spat developing last game and here we are now in… different spots regarding the playoffs. It doesn’t look great for us right now but your done and if we’re going to make it, we got to play with confidence. I’m going to be the change I want to see in the world and call you Fourida Part 1! We’re getting two points against y’all and two points against your vastly superior neighbors to the north! 2+2= FOURIDA! I stole that play on words from every other hockey blogger, but I don’t care! LET’S GO!
I was absorbed by the drama between Kirpa and Cassie during the first, but I watched pieces and monitored twitter. It was either hot garbage or a scary good period from the Sabres according to twitter and what actually transpired on the ice was truly a mixed bag. On the ice in the first you see those confounding turnovers in all three zones, you see the bad defensive plays, and you see the hanging Ullmark out to dry. However, the chances the visitors did get were quality chances in the first. No score through 20 minutes. For all you folks decrying the O’Reilly trade guess which team won most the faceoffs in the start of this one? Yep, BUFFALO! That’s good because the Panthers outshot the Sabres. Something might have been said in the locker room during the first intermission because the visitors came out with some fire afterward. The second period saw the shot gap close quite a bit. It was hardly five minutes in when Jack Eichel got the puck into the offensive zone with Mittelstadt trailing not far. The initial shot was haphazardly and whatever. Every scoring play in this game kind of looked like a slow-motion train derailment but the Sabres had the man advantage and would use it for once. Sam Reinhart got the puck and shot it toward his Captain who got credit for a deflection goal that may or may not have gone off his stick. Nonetheless, the Sabres got the 1-0 lead and took it to the second intermission. The way the final frame goes though just about sums up this season.
Before you know it the Sabres are down 2-1. The first Panthers goal was by future Sabre Jonathan Huberdeau and the second goal was an absolute snipe by a guy named Jayce whose last name I will not even make an attempt at. He looked pumped too because he just about squeezed the life out of Vincent Trocheck for the assist. Okay, it’s one goal, let’s catch our breaths, guys. It isn’t over-. Shoot. Aleksander Barkov punched another one home in a goal I will absolutely blame Ullmark for. It snuck in on the post Linus had covered so I don’t know what went wrong. Down 3-1 and our boys stabilized it for a little while. They were crashing the net so hard poor James Reimer lost his helmet to Jake McCabe’s crotch at one point. Jack Eichel even scored a goal! Well, it got challenged and called back because we’re not allowed fun things in Western New York Sports anymore. The Sabres kept pushing until Jonathan Huberdeau scored again with less then four minutes left. Could they take him back to Buffalo? He cut through the D like warm butter. Terry Pegula was at the game after all! Vladimir Sabotka scored a goal in the dying minutes of this one for comedic relief, but it ended in a loss nonetheless 4-2 Florida. The goalie failed, the defense failed, and the forwards failed. This was another team loss and at this point it really feels like I tied an anchor to this team after enjoying that Islanders win so much. I want to apologize for my crassness and excitement after that win. I forgot how this goes. That said, I’m still not turning away any tickets you buy for me.
I’m not going to bother with three things right now: 1, I am sticking to Fourida and you can fight me if you hate optimism. I’m drinking the Kool-aid, fight me! 2, the out-of-town scoreboard isn’t my concern anymore. These guys need four or five wins in a row now before we can look at that with any degree of seriousness. 3, I know dropping from an 82% chance at a playoff spot in November to this is an historic, shitty record. I am not piling on sadness because, what did we say at the start: this is an entertainment product, not a misery machine. Take a deep breath. Watch the Bachelor! That’s a train-wreck we can all enjoy, eh? Like, share and share this blog around; and while you’re at it pray or send your good feels Kyle Okposo’s way. He’s got a concussion again and his injury history paints a very scary picture about that. Cheer for him if you can’t bear to do it with this utter collapse. Breathe in with me again, and out, and wind up for it: Let’s Go Sabres!
Thanks for reading.
P.S. Carl Hagelin would be a fun, speedy addition to a bottom six that is anemic at times. Obviously, you want the right price for him. Alex Wenneburg is a bigger gamble, but I would take any shake up at this point if it doesn’t cost too much.
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Biscuits! Lozo and DGB on Vegas Expansion, Bad Deals Waiting to Happen
This article originally appeared on VICE Sports Canada.
The following is from an email exchange between Dave Lozo and Sean McIndoe (Down Goes Brown). Each month they will talk some nonsense and debate the biggest topics in the NHL in our monthly review. You can also check out the Biscuits podcast with Sean and Dave as they discuss the events of the week.
Hi Dave...
Welcome to summer. After eight months of hockey, the season is over and we're officially on to the offseason. And in theory, it should be an especially entertaining one. With an expansion draft less than a week away and a bunch of trades, buyouts and other maneuvering that presumably has to happen before then, we could be looking at one of the busier weeks in recent history.
So my first question is: Am I just getting my hopes up here? Is there any chance the next week lives up to the hype?
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Lozo: The next week will be a lot like the Ottawa Senators in the playoffs. It will involve a lot average players in the spotlight getting a lot of attention but ultimately it will let you down in the end. Remember the Teravainen/Bickell trade? Packaging a good player with a bad deal? That'll be the height of it. A bunch of those moves. A couple buyouts. A non-expansion trade that will be decent.
Marc-Andre Fleury going to Vegas should be the biggest expansion story, but there's no way the Knights hang on to him, right? They have to flip him to Calgary or somewhere else.
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DGB: The cynic in me wonders if the whole "Marc-Andre Fleury is the greatest teammate ever" victory tour that's broken out over the past few days might at least be a partial case of the Penguins working to create a market. Sure, his numbers aren't great, but if he's Mark Messier in goalie gear, surely some team that values heart and grit over performance would be willing to pay up. And yes, that team would be Calgary.
The flip side is that the Penguins have four decent defensemen and probably only three protection slots. So it's plausible that they decide to just let the Knights take Fleury so that they don't have to worry about the rest of their roster. I guess it all comes down to where they can find the most value.
Speaking of value, or whatever the opposite of value would be: Dan Girardi. The Rangers announced they are buying him out. You're a New York guy... is this remotely a surprise?
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Lozo: Not in the least. Girardi hasn't been good in quite some time and Rangers fans will wonder forever if they could have contended again in 2015 if they had let Girardi walk and signed Anton Stralman instead. I mean, they contended. They got to a conference final Game 7 and lost to the Lightning… and Stralman.
There's a great teammate vibe about Girardi, too. But while Fleury had value, Girardi hasn't had value since maybe 2014. Girardi is the poster boy for the new NHL in terms of defenseman who can start breakouts and analytics. It's funny that Girardi types are being phased out of the game faster than fighters.
Now the Rangers have freed some more room for Kevin Shattenkirk, who should help carry the Rangers to maybe the second round again.
You know what's weird? The notion the Preds can't lose James Neal. If it creates room to sign a No. 2 center, that's good because they need that more than a scoring winger.
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DGB: I'm guess I'm OK with the Predators thing only because their season just ended, and they came so close to winning the Cup. If anyone should be allowed to overrate their existing assets, it's probably them.
But yeah, the rest of this league is getting ridiculous. All these GMs who are about to lose their 14th best player and seem to think it's the end of the world. You know how many players each team lost in the 1967 expansion draft? Twenty! Each! I am using exclamation points! Today's GMs don't have to make trades and get magic bonus points for losing, and somehow they're still here having panic attacks because they might have to part with Jay Beagle.
In related news, Tyler Graovac just got traded, so buckle up because now anything can happen.
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Lozo: I own a Graovac. It's great for big spills and sucking up crumbs between the couch cushions.
Glad we were doing this for that trade but what about what is now the second-biggest news of the day? The Habs have spotted the problem and now working on the trade that will solve their issues—getting rid of Alex Galchenyuk.
The Habs are PlayNow and Marc Bergevin is George Costanza. First the Subban trade and now he's looking to move Galchenyuk. You can't tell me he's not trying to get himself fired so he can collect his entire contract instead of a severance. If he deals Carey Price for Fleury the world will know I'm right.
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DGB: Ha, Price for Fleury, good one. That would be a terrible deal for Montreal, and the only reason Bergevin would ever consider it is because Fleury is a leader and has two Cups and is french and oh my God he's going to do it, isn't he?
Marc Bergevin, a man you can count on to make a bad deal. Photo by Graham Hughes/The Canadian Press
The weird thing with Galchenyuk is that Montreal seems absolutely convinced that he can't play center, even though his numbers there have been pretty good. He's only 23, so you'd figure they might want to give him some time to settle into the position. But apparently they've seen enough, and since they need help at center and he apparently can't play there, he's the trade bait to get a top-six guy.
The other rumor going around today was a Galchenyuk-for-Jonathan-Drouin trade with the Habs potentially kicking in a first. That would be some kind of trade, although Drouin isn't a center so it doesn't seem like a fit. Maybe Montreal just thinks everyone in the league is playing the wrong position.
Other than Montreal, which team is the most likely to make a terrible decision over the next week or two?
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Lozo: Yeah, it's gonna be a great day in 2018 when someone in Montreal writes, without a hit of irony, that the Canadiens need a No. 1 D and C to build around.
I could see George McPhee getting fleeced. When in doubt, look to the guy who fired Bruce Boudreau and traded Filip Forsberg for Martin Erat. He will take on a bad contract but not get enough along with it. Or he will choose the wrong guys off teams. Or he won't get enough in trades for guys he flips. McPhee feels like a lock for about five bad moves.
Also Boston. The Bruins will screw up something.
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DGB: Pencil me in for the Avalanche not getting enough for Matt Duchene but feeling like they have to trade him anyway. Plus anyone who trades for Brent Seabrook. (If that team ends up being the Maple Leafs, you will never see me on this site again because I will have quit caring about hockey forever.)
Speaking of trades, according to Pierre Lebrun, the NHL has asked all 31 teams to make sure that none of the trades they might make with Vegas leak out before next Wednesday. Help me find the logic in this. It should go without saying that you want to prevent the actual expansion picks from leaking out—we covered this in the early days of the podcast. But wouldn't you want fans to hear about trades in advance? Isn't that the appetizer that gets everyone even more excited for the big reveal? I know I say this a lot, but I don't understand what the NHL is thinking here.
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Lozo: If there's a way for the NHL to shoot itself in the face, the NHL will find a way. I guess it's a competitive edge thing for Vegas, but wouldn't the other teams not want Vegas to have that edge and then leak things out? Like, say if I'm a team that made a deal to shed a bad contract and it feels like I paid a lot for them to take that contract, wouldn't I want that price out there so my competitors pay it?
Also, I too want to choose the Duchene thing. That's going to happen.
But back to the Vegas thing, I guess the thinking is fans get to spend Sunday-Wednesday playing around with protected lists, and that's their fun. Then they see the reveal and it's like the lottery drawing and you can see how many players you got right. And now that I'm typing here, we should do that. A contest where you see the protected lists, then guess at the roster with trades that you think will happen, too.
This stuff will all leak anyway.
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DGB: Right, but that's exactly it. If I see my favorite team's protected list and spend three days obsessing over who they'll lose, only to find out they cut a side deal a week ago that I never heard about, I've just been strung along. I don't feel like "Hey, what a fun reveal"—I feel like I wasted my time.
If it's about helping Vegas, well, it's not the league's job to help one team over the rest of the league. And if it's about protecting GMs from finding out they paid more on a side deal than some other team did, then it's yet another case of the league being more worried about the feelings of their GMs than about their own fans. I can't figure out an option where it makes any sense.
Other than the face-shooting thing. I should probably just go with that one. Occam's Raisin and all that.
Speaking of side deals we'll never hear about because the NHL hates us, my favorite rumor is the one that has the Knights agreeing to take David Clarkson in exchange for a first-round pick and/or top prospect. Are there any other realistic scenarios where McPhee and the Knights can get a first-round pick from someone? Maybe the Ducks and their blueline?
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Lozo: They can get a lot of first rounders, I think. I will be the first person to use bullet points in one of these exchanges to show why and how this can happen.
1. It's a weak draft. Teams won't be clinging to them.
b. If you're a win-now team with a bad deal and late pick, you could package those to entice Vegas.
iii. If you have too many good players, you can use a first rounder to get Vegas to not pick your Vatanen or Neal.
If I'm McPhee, I'm punting this year and doing everything to stockpile picks like it's the Bay of Pigs and I'm filling up the bomb shelter with canned goods.
Wait, we are sorta living in a modern time version of this. I'll update the metaphor later.
How about we are this deep into one of our engrossing conversations and we haven't talked about Ilya Kovalchuk coming back yet? We saw what Alex Radulov could do and there doesn't seem to be any excitement about getting a player that was better than Radulov back in the NHL.
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DGB: I wonder if fans are a little worn out on the Kovalchuk story, since we've heard rumors of him coming back pretty much every year since he left. There seems to be way more smoke this time around, but it could be a "believe it when I see it" type of thing. Still, if it's confirmed that he's really back this time, that should make for a fascinating trade watch. Between this and the first pick, the Devils have a real chance to remake their team.
Let's close with one more offseason question. One year ago, we would have said it was unlikely that PK Subban or Taylor Hall would get traded, and that Shea Weber being dealt was outright impossible. A few days later, they'd all be moved. Who would you pick as this year's superstar that doesn't seem like he could be dealt, but ends up getting moved in a blockbuster at some point?
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Lozo: Patrick Kane. He's young and in his prime but the Blackhawks are in cap jail (they get locked up every other year) and Kane is, well, garbage. Trade him while he has value and isn't currently being investigated for any felonies.
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DGB: Wow. You're not messing around. I thought I was going to be going out on a limb with my John Tavares take, but now that seems kind of wimpy.
Could we see another offseason of blockbuster trades? Photo by Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports
Any last thoughts before we wrap this up, hit send, and immediately hear about four major trades that make the entire thing outdated and unprintable?
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Lozo: I'll just cover some possible bases so the news doesn't make this outdated:
1. That secret video footage of referees partying with the Penguins at the parade is really damaging to the NHL.
2. David Poile convincing PK Subban to have his voice box removed is crazy and sets a bad precedent.
3. Jaromir Jagr agreeing to terms with Vegas is great.
4. Carey Price asking for a trade is the best thing for him.
Biscuits! Lozo and DGB on Vegas Expansion, Bad Deals Waiting to Happen published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv
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DGB Grab Bag: Predator Fans, Fan Voting, and Bettman Handoffs
Welcome to Sean McIndoe's weekly grab bag, where he writes on a variety of NHL topics. You can follow him on Twitter. Check out the Biscuits podcast with Sean and Dave Lozo as they discuss the events of the week.
Three stars of comedy
The third star: These two Predator fans – It was fun times all around in Nashville. Good presence of mind to slow down when the helmet almost slipped off.
The second star: The catfish has a hat – He also has a tiny stuffed penguin but we can only focus on so many things at one time.
The first star: Bike Guy – The NHL combine was this week. That's the event where the top draft prospects gather, compete in a bunch of physical tests, and then get made fun of for not doing enough bench press reps by out-of-shape sportswriters like me. The highlight every year is the Wingate bike test, in which prospects cycle furiously while a scary guy yells at them.
It's all quite terrifying. But this year, the Golden Knights decided to put the guy's talent to some use by getting him to yell at random Twitter users to be more productive.
Well, I just cleaned my whole house. For some reason I also just studied for all my exams, of which I have none. The guy is good.
Outrage of the week
The issue: We just had two Stanley Cup final games in Nashville, and all the fans there were really loud and into it and just generally having a great time.
The outrage: None, of course. Literally nobody could be mad about this.
Is it justified: Phew, dodged a bullet there. OK, on to the next section where we can…
The issue: We're tired of hearing about how great Predators fans are.
The outrage: Seriously, give it a rest, cheering on your team in the Cup final doesn't make you great fans.
Is it justified: Wait, what? Is this actually a thing? Are people actually saying that? (Checks.) Yes, apparently they are. This is a bad take.
The issue: Anyone criticizing Nashville as a hockey market is wrong!
The outrage: In fact, it's always been a great market, and anyone who ever doubted it sure looks silly now.
Is it justified: And then, right on cue, here's comes the backlash to the backlash. Look, can we all enjoy what's happening in Nashville right now while also acknowledging that it really did look dicey for a while there back in the day? That seems fair, right?
The issue: The Predators have the greatest fans in the world.
The outrage: If you deny this you are a terrible person and also probably Canadian.
Is it justified: See there is a middle ground where we could…
The issue: Predators fans are front-runners who only support their team when it's playing for the Stanley Cup.
The outrage: Real fans are there for their team through good and bad, they don't just hop on the bandwagon when times are good.
Is it justified: Well, first of all, that thing about Predators fans only showing up now just isn't true. But yes, they're more excited now because of the playoff run. Isn't that how it's supposed to work?
The issue: Nashville had thousands of empty seats back in 2010.
The outrage: If you don't sell out the building every night you're a bad fan base.
Is it justified: Well, fine, but then you're throwing stones at just about everyone, including places like Chicago and Boston and basically everywhere outside of the really die-hard Canadian markets. But sure, fine, if it will get everyone to stop complaining and hyper-analyzing every hockey market, then we'll agree: Only Canadian fan bases that sell out every game are good fans. Can we all please stop this now?
The issue: Canadian fan bases that sell out every game are pathetic sheep and the reason the country never wins the Stanley Cup.
The outrage: A real fan base would only support their team when they were in the Stanley Cup final. Probably by being really loud and maybe throwing some kind of fish on the ice.
Is it justified: I hate all of you.
The issue: Hockey fans can never just let their fellow humans be happy about anything.
The outrage: It's tiresome, predictable, and the reason why nobody likes us.
Is it justified: Yes.
Obscure former player of the week
Penguins' goalie Matt Murray is trying to win his second Stanley Cup as a rookie, which doesn't sound like it should be possible. But it is — a player's status is determined by his regular season play, so it's possible to have two or even more postseason runs as a "rookie".
The list of goalies who've actually done it isn't all that long, but Murray's certainly not alone. It's been done by Ken Dryden and Jacques Plante (who I wrote about earlier in the week), as well as fellow Hall-of-Famers Ed Belfour and Martin Brodeur. Jake Allen did it three years apart, with appearances in 2012 and 2015, and Corey Crawford and John Gibson are also in the club.
As you might expect, the list also includes a few less well-known players. That includes this week's Obscure Player, Daniel "The Bandit" Berthiaume.
You may remember him from the Bob Miller tribute a few months ago, in which we all learned we'd been pronouncing his name wrong all along. But his career began when the Jets made him the 60th pick in the 1985 entry draft, a few picks behind future Conn Smythe winner Bill Ranford. He debuted in Winnipeg a year later, seeing his first action in the 1986 playoffs before he'd ever even played a regular season game.
He followed that up by earning regular duty the following season and splitting time with Pokey Reddick, who I just realized has never been an Obscure Player and we will damn well fix that over the summer. Berthiaume joined the rookie two-timer club in 1987, playing eight games as the Jets won a playoff round for the second (and last) time in Winnipeg NHL history.
From there, Berthiaume began a tour of the NHL; he was traded twice in 1990, first to the North Stars and then to the Kings. He spent a few years backing up Kelly Hrudey in Los Angeles before being dealt to Boston, where he had a falling out with the team during the 1992 playoffs. He was later traded back to Winnipeg, but never earned a roster spot, and by the start of the 1992-93 season he was plying his trade in Europe.
But the expansion Senators came calling, and Berthiaume signed with Ottawa to back up Peter Sidorkiewicz. He wasn't very good, winning just two of 25 games, but nobody on that year's Senators was. Here's a fun clip of Berthiaume trying to pretend he's not miserable in Ottawa.
Berthiaume closed out his career with one of the sadder season stat lines in NHL history. In 1993-94, he appeared in one game, played exactly thirty-nine seconds, faced two shots and allowed two goals.
That made him the only goalie since the save stat's been recorded to give up goals in a season in which he never stopped a single puck. Even in the high-flying early 90s, a save percentage of ".000" was considered bad, and Berthiaume's NHL days were done.
He'd kick around the minor leagues (as well as some professional roller hockey) for another decade before hanging up the skates in 2005. He was inducted into the ECHL Hall of Fame last year.
The NHL fans actually got something (kind of) right
As part of their 100-year anniversary celebration, the NHL unveiled a fan vote to determine the all-time 10 greatest teams. And everyone immediately went "Oh no, this will be terrible."
After all, the league made a minor mess of its Top 100 players list, and that was an unranked list put together by experts. This was a ranked list, and it would be determined by fan vote. If the last year has taught us anything, it's that nobody should ever be trusted to vote for anything. And that's especially true for hockey fans, who'd no doubt cast their ballots for the 2015 Blackhawks or 2016 Penguins or a write-in vote for "Whoever just beat the Leafs, lol they suck".
This week, the final list was unveiled, and the winner is: the 1984-85 Edmonton Oilers. That's… well that's not terrible, is it? You can defend that pick. That team had 109 points, scored over 400 goals and lost just three games in the playoffs, never facing elimination. It was the Gretzky/Messier/Kurri/Coffey core at the height of its powers.
It's not a perfect pick — you could make a case for one of the late-70s Canadiens teams or maybe one of Al Arbour's Islanders Cup winners, and the 84-85 team might not even have been the best Oilers teams of the era (it was the only one between 1984 and 1987 that didn't finish first overall). But still, it's not a cringeworthy pick. As far as fan voting goes, that's progress.
So let's focus on the positive and take our wins where we can get them. And let's definitely not look at the rest of the list, which is like half Oilers teams and ranked an 87-point team as the second greatest ever. They got the winner reasonably close to right. We'll take it.
Classic YouTube clip breakdown
Win their win last night, the Penguins are now just one win away from a championship. That means the Stanley Cup will be in the building on Sunday night in Nashville. And that means Gary Bettman will also be in the building, ready to do his annual awkward Cu handoff while being booed.
A few years ago, I celebrated Bettman's 20th anniversary on the job by ranking every one of his handoffs so far. Today, let's take a look back at the handoff that ranked number one on that list, and remains to this day the most awkward Bettman Cup moment of all-time.
It's June 19, 2006 and the Carolina Hurricanes have just defeated the Oilers in game seven to capture the Stanley Cup on home ice. The crowd is roaring, friends and family have poured onto the ice, and emotions are running high. Who wants to hear a corporate executive deliver a rambling speech?
We actually start off with Cam Ward being interviewed by Ron MacLean. Ward's just been named the Conn Smythe winner, but he informs us that the honor is "completely irrelevant". He then adds "Unless I'm mediocre at best for the next ten years but keep getting huge contracts, in which case I guess it will turn out to be pretty relevant after all".
As Ward talks, we get a shot of Rod Brind'Amour talking to somebody, who starts laughing. Presumably, Brind'Amour has just told him what he's about to do.
The Cup is ready to make its way to the ice, so Ward has to get back to his teammates. Sadly, MacLean does not end the interview by poking him in the tummy.
And here comes the Stanley Cup, carried as always by its two longtime keepers: Phil Pritchard, and the other guy who apparently doesn't have a PR agent and almost definitely secretly hates Phil Pritchard.
Something to note: With this being the year after the lockout, the NHL broke with tradition and didn't introduce Bettman or have him announce the Conn Smythe. Instead, they introduce the Cup, and then Bettman slips in while everyone's cheering. Whoever it was at the NHL office who came up with this plan was immediately fired for making a good decision.
I think having an ominous thunder and lightning sound effect right as Bettman begins speaking is a little on-the-nose there, guys.
Oh good, it's the legendary "Peter Karmanos had a dream" speech we all learned about in grade school.
At this point, Brind'Amour has had enough and decides to just skate over and interrupt Bettman, because Rod Brind'Amour IS A FREAKING HERO. But Bettman hilariously shoes him away, admonishing him with an annoyed "I'm almost done" into a live microphone. This causes Brind'Amour to have to stand there awkwardly, and causes me to laugh so hard my lungs hurt every single time I see it.
That face where you're ready to go but your partner wants to talk for a while first.
Brind'Amour gets bored and decides to start randomly pointing. Bettman speeds through his last few mentions, and gets ready for his very favorite moment of the year: The handoff. Seriously, Bettman lives for this. He knows fans hate it and wish he'd give the job to someone else, but he doesn't care. Once a year, he gets to pick up the Stanley Cup and hand it over to the winning captain. And he always milks the moment for all its worth, mugging for photos and refusing to let the Cup go for as long as humanly possible. I honestly think this moment might be the only joy Bettman gets out of his job. He lives for it.
NOT THIS YEAR GARY.
In a moment that should absolutely have resulted in his instant induction into the Hall of Fame, Brind'Amour grabs the Cup off the table before Bettman can get to it. You can tell that Bettman realizes what's happening, but speeding through his speech has thrown him off and now he's caught still holding the microphone in his trophy-grabbing hand. It's a small delay, but it's all Brind'Amour needs, and he just straight up jacks the Cup before Bettman can do anything.
This may be the greatest moment in Stanley Cup history. They should have the kids in that bank commercial act it out for the next chapter.
Also, Brind'Amour proceeds to kiss the Cup on the neck instead of the main body, which always seemed weird but that sentence is already making me feel uncomfortable so let's just move on.
The rest of this clip is just the Hurricanes skating around the ice with the Cup, occasionally pausing to step over a sobbing Fernando Pisani or the remnants of Dwayne Roloson's knee ligament. Glen Wesley gets the OGWAC first handoff honors, Ray Whitney swears on live TV, and the whole thing is one long exercise in going "Wait, that was the 2005-06 Hurricanes roster? They really won a Cup with those guys?" I don't recommend any of it.
As an epilogue, I highly recommend watching Bettman's handoff with Scott Niedermayer one year later. Niedermayer tries the Brind'Amour yank move, but this time Bettman is ready for him and holds on. You know he worked on that all year long. Defending Cup yanks is basically Bettman's version of having to shake hands with Donald Trump.
Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] .
DGB Grab Bag: Predator Fans, Fan Voting, and Bettman Handoffs published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv
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