#'anyhoo this is what that lit should suggest and here's my logic let's move on bc yall usually skip these chapters'

[vermillioncrown]

notable quotes during this entire process of Suffering

"you need to be a little delusional to have a thesis. at least a bit."

"oo she's starting to believe"

"barring setting your hair on fire and sitting between you and the monitor, i don't think you can be stopped"

"if you could, you'd have a beard at this point. and be balding"

"is it drugs or do you feel Things inside?"

"doesn't have to be coherent. or logical. just needs to Be"

"just write 'let's be frfr, you're skipping this chapter my esteemed committee members' in the middle"

#academic jerky #i hate myself so much lmao #it's almost a universal experience that no matter how early you start #no matter how much time you allot #the amount of writing you do is 'wpm_adj = wpm_base * exp(1/(time left))' #took me nearly 1.5 years (which can be tracked through my author's notes and general bitching on the blog) to get ~20 pages #which had to be rewritten anyways #within these last 10 days in which 5 of those days i was in public at a conference or sharing a hotel or on an airplane #i wrote 90 fucking pages with actual content #and two of those chapters are 'lol i have works sighted and will give you a more comprehensive lit review for my defense bye' #'anyhoo this is what that lit should suggest and here's my logic let's move on bc yall usually skip these chapters' #if i could materialize my brain as a separate entity i would throttle the little bitch for being so infuriating #anyways. proposal document done. now i gotta bust out a 45 min ppt presentation and practice getting btfo'd by next friday 🤪(😭) #and then it's phd candidacy babey

[calebdumes]

this is something I wrote while I was bored at work today. I’ve been reading @bedlamsbard ‘s On the Edge of the Devil’s Backbone a lot (as in I finish reading it and then start rereading it immediately after) and the concept writing that goes with it and was kind of inspired by a scene from the fic (and some bits from the concept writing) and I wanted to take a stab at Inquisitor Kanan. And this is what I came up with! It’s short and rough and takes place in the middle of the story and cuts off abruptly because you know, work and I don’t actually have anything else written and all that. I might keep going with it but only after I finish my Kanera fic. 

anyhoo

If you haven’t read On the Edge of the Devil’s Backbone, I highly (HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY) suggest you read it 

1.5k under the cut!

~

Ezra slowly hedged away from the tight cluster of arguing Twi’leks, inching closer to the cracked door of the private room. He could feel a tugging in the back of his mind, pulling him toward the doorway. It was not unlike the feeling he had when he was around Ahsoka, like there was a gentle thread of something that connected their minds. Only what he was feeling now was no gentle thread. This felt more like a heavy durasteel chain wrapping around his conscience and pulling.

He ducked inside the room and blinked at the sudden darkness. The only source of light was coming from the dim glow of the bacta-tank. Ezra approached the tank with hesitant steps, his eyes fixed on the figure suspended in the thick healing goo.

Locked away in the tank, the Inquisitor didn’t look much like a threat. His dark hair floated in the gentle current, obscuring the man’s haunted face. The eerie glow made his tanned skin look pale and the multitude of scars that littered his body, ghost like. Ezra stopped a foot away from the tank, his hand reaching out to brush against the smooth transparasteel.

The instant his fingers touched the cool surface, a jolt ran through his body causing him to gasp and stumble backwards. In the tank, the Inquisitor’s body twitched as if he had been electrocuted.

Ok, Ezra thought shaking himself out. That was weird. All around him the air hummed with a sound that made his skin buzz, his bones echoing with the resonance. He had heard this sound before, when he first saw Ahsoka’s lightsabers, the crystals in the singing with the Force. As Ezra reached out to touch the tank again, the humming got louder.

Logically he knew that he should probably go get Hera or find Ahsoka. He shouldn’t be anywhere near a darksider – let alone the person who was sent to kill him – but the pull he felt towards the Inquisitor was too strong to ignore.

“I must be out of my mind.” He said aloud as he slipped down to the floor onto his knees. Resting his hands flat on his thighs, he took a breath and closed his eyes trying to focus his mind on the connection he could feel radiating from the Inquisitor.

When he opened them again he found himself standing in a long cavernous hallway. Golden light spilled in from the tall windows making the elegantly tiled floor glow with jewel tones. There were people of all different species scattered around the space, most of them clad in thick brown robes and gathered in small clusters. But there were children too, running together in groups with their cheerful voices echoing off the high walls.

Ezra was in awe. He had never seen such a beautiful place or felt the Force as purely as he did here. He was itching to explore but there was something he had to do first. He wasn’t sure what it was but it called to him. A group of children ran by, Ezra turning as they rushed past, watching as they darted out into a brightly lit courtyard.

He followed behind them, his steps soundless on the polished floor. Outside the air was warm and the blue sky was crossed with organized lanes of air traffic. He could make out the tall outlines of buildings that stretched onward for as far as the eye could see. But what he found more interesting was the tree that stood in the center of the courtyard and the figure sitting on the ground beside it.

There were trees on Lothal but none quite like this one. This tree seemed to glow from the inside out, a slight shimmer that outlined the branches and the green waxy leaves that danced in the light breeze. For a moment, every worry that Ezra ever had vanished. All he could feel was the bright, pure light pouring from the tree. But then the figure sitting on the sun dappled grass moved and Ezra froze.

The Inquisitor was looking at him with those strange green blue eyes. He didn’t look surprise to see Ezra standing before him, wherever he was. He regarded Ezra for a moment before his gaze slipped away, falling on two people sitting on bench not far from the tree.

Shoving his hands awkwardly into his pockets, Ezra inched closer to the seated Inquisitor against his better judgment. But the Inquisitor didn’t flinch. He just breathed deeply from his nose before saying, “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I don’t even know where here is.” Ezra responded. The pair that had captured the Inquisitor’s attention was standing now, a young boy maybe a few years younger than himself and a woman with dark skin and hair that was braided into elaborate twists at the back of her head. They were moving in harmony, arms and legs going through slow but deliberate movements. The Inquisitor didn’t or couldn’t take his eyes off of them.

“You’re in my head.” Was all the Inquisitor said.

“Well I didn’t mean to. I just felt – I don’t know what I felt – I just closed my eyes and somehow I ended up here.”

The young boy over balanced nearly falling to the ground before the woman caught him, a playful smile growing on her lips. The Inquisitor mouth tightened.

“You’re strong with the Force. It allowed you to connect with me.”

“Why?”

At that, the Inquisitor turned his attention away from the woman and child to land on Ezra. “You tell me.”

“Are you going to kill me?” He blurted.

“Kind of hard to kill someone when you’re not even conscious.”

“That’s not an answer.” Ezra pointed out shifting from the heaviness of the Inquisitor’s gaze.

“I’m not going to kill you Ezra.”

“Were you going to kill me?”

The Inquisitor looked away. Panic began to climb at Ezra’s throat. What was he doing? Hera and Ahsoka and even Zeb had told him specifically to stay away from the Inquisitor and here he was, in the guy’s  mind of all places. The Inquisitor might not kill him but the others? Oh they were definitely going to kill him.

“That’s what my master wanted.” The Inquisitor finally said.

“But is that what you wanted?”

The Inquisitor looked out to the woman and child. They were seated now, their eyes closed in meditation. The Inquisitor’s brows drew together, a crease forming on his forehead. “I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I didn’t want to do and before this is all over, I’ll do more. But I don’t – I didn’t – want to kill you Ezra.”

Ezra bit at his lip, sitting down across from the Inquisitor. “Are we connected?” he asked. “Like in the Force?”

The barest hint of a smile touched the Inquisitor’s lips. “For some kriffing reason, yeah we are.”

“But why? I mean, like no offence but you’re an Inquisitor and I’m just me. Why would the Force connect us?”

“I gave up trying to understand the ways of the Force a long time ago. Your guess is as good as mine kid.”

Ezra picked a blade of grass, rolling it between his fingers. “Do you know what’s going to happen to you when you wake up?”

The Inquisitor sighed. He looked tired. Nothing like the fierce warrior he had seen fighting off the throng of Inquisitors as they tried to take the bridge or like the caged animal that he had been when he was captured by Free Ryloth. There were bags under his eyes and a weary set to his shoulders. He looked completely and utterly human. “Nothing good I imagine.” He mumbled.

Ezra blinked in surprise. “Why would you say that? You just about saved everyone in the fleet! You killed the Grand Inquisitor! Why would you think something bad is going to happen?”

“It doesn’t matter what I did.” The Inquisitor said looking up into the branches overhead. “One good deed can’t wash away a lifetime of evil.”

“But you’re not evil.” The words fell out of Ezra’s mouth before he could stop them. But they still rang true to his ears. Just as he was sure Lothal had two moons, he was certain this Inquisitor was not evil.

The Inquisitor smiled, the gesture unexpected on his somber face. “I don’t think your friends out there would agree with you. I’m not sure I agree with you.”

Ezra opened his mouth to protest when the ground beneath them shook. The Inquisitor jumped to his feet, the neat organized line of speeders and shuttles began falling from the darkening sky. Electricity hung thick in the air, the temperature dropping and the gentle breeze swirling into a persistent wind. He reached out a hand for Ezra to take, pulling him up. Warmth spread through his glove onto Ezra’s hand.

“What’s happening?” Ezra asked. The stones of the courtyard began to crack and the miles and miles of buildings disappeared into a thick fog that was fast approaching.

“Nothing good.” The Inquisitor responded. “It’s time for you to wake up Ezra.” He placed a hand on Ezra’s chest and pushed.

Ezra snapped back to the present with a gasp only to find himself being hauled to is feet by Zeb’s familiar purple arms.

Inside the bacta-tank, the Inquisitor trashed. 

#star wars: rebels #swr #swr fanfic #star wars rebels #star wars #look at me write #shleby writes #am i going to regret posting this #yes yes i am #lost in the dark tag