#'is anakin trans or nonbinary?' IDK Anakin hasn't decided yet

[phoenixyfriend]

So I saw this video and immediately had some Thoughts. This doesn't fit into my drag AU but it's like two steps to the left.

This was written over the course of about two hours and has not been edited.

WARNINGS: internalized transphobia/misogyny; POV character internally refers to other character with pronouns-thus-far in narration until other character confirms that they may not be cis

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"Anakin? What are you doing?"

Anakin jumps in place, and almost topples. Obi-Wan reaches out to catch him in the Force before he can truly fall, and sets him back on his feet. Anakin scrambles when he's let go, trying to hide behind the bed as if it'll make Obi-Wan forget what he just saw.

The poor kid looks like he's about to cry.

"Anakin?" Obi-Wan prompts, trying to keep his voice as soft and calm as he can. "Where did you get those?"

Anakin blushes and looks down, shifting and absolutely refusing to answer.

Obi-Wan closes his eyes, counts to ten, and says, "Come here and let me take those off before you hurt yourself."

"I can take them off myself!" Anakin immediately protests, cheeks going red. "I'm fourteen, I don't need your help!"

Raising his hands, Obi-Wan lets Anakin do it himself. There is fumbling. Obi-Wan doesn't comment on it, just waits until Anakin stands and has the objects in hand.

"Anakin--"

"I'll go and--"

"Anakin, sit down," Obi-Wan orders, calm as he can. This is clearly a sensitive subject. He doesn't want to sound angry.

"What are you even doing back this early?" Anakin demands.

"Does it matter?" Obi-Wan asks. "This is my bedroom, Anakin."

The flush in his face is just as pronounced. "I know that!"

"I'm guessing you came in because I have the bigger mirror," Obi-Wan muses aloud. He sits on the bed and pats the seat next to him. "Now sit."

Anakin obviously considers arguing again, but drops into the seat next to him anyway.

"So," Obi-Wan says, "would you like to tell me where you got those?"

The blush is back. Anakin's hand tightens around the straps. He doesn't meet Obi-Wan's eyes.

"Anakin, I'm not angry," Obi-Wan says, "Or disappointed, or anything like that. I'm worried because you seem to think something is wrong about this."

"Then why do I have to explain?"

"Fine, the things you did do wrong were entering my room while I wasn't here," Obi-Wan says, "and possibly what was done to acquire those, since they're the wrong size."

"They're Aayla's," Anakin mutters. "She left them here the other night when she was getting ready for that thing with Knight Vos, 'cuz she chose a different pair."

"Then yes, that is also something I'd chastise you for," Obi-Wan tells him. "Put them aside. You'll damage the synthleather if you keep fiddling with it like that."

Anakin drops them and huffs in irritation. He shoves his hands under his thighs and looks away.

"So," Obi-Wan tries again. "Heels?"

Anakin's blush deepens, and so does the furrow in his brow. He still won't meet Obi-Wan's eyes.

"It's easy to twist an ankle when they're too big for your feet," Obi-Wan chides. "Or too tall for your experience."

"I just wanted to see what it was like," Anakin mumbles. "It's stupid. I won't do it again."

"Because wearing other people's clothes without permission is rude, and wearing high heels in the wrong size is dangerous, especially when they have as slim and as high a heel as Aayla's," Obi-Wan says, attempting to be stern.

Anakin glares up at him, but that only lasts a moment before he's glaring at the floor again.

"Do you want to wear heels?" Obi-Wan attempts to prod. "I could take you shopping, start small. Boots with an inch or so. Build your way up to something narrower, taller, less... attached to the foot, as such."

Anakin shrugs, still glaring at the floor. "I dunno. It's fine. Don't worry about it."

"I will worry as much as I please," Obi-Wan says, and he makes it prim enough that Anakin cracks a smile. He doesn't quite laugh, but it's progress. He tries again. "Is it about the heels, or is it... do you want to be a girl? Or something in between, or just... engage with femininity while still being a boy?"

"It doesn't matter," Anakin mutters, still refusing to look at him.

Obi-Wan thinks it does matter. Still, Anakin seems determined to forget this happened. "Anakin, if you want to explore these things, I support you entirely. Let me help you figure it out."

Anakin clenches his jaw and still refuses to look at him.

Pressing his lips together, thin and unhappy, Obi-Wan stands. "Wait here."

He has to dig through his own closet to find the box, because he hasn't had use for it since he took Anakin in. He looks over his shoulder and says, "Close your eyes."

"Why?" Anakin asks, ever suspicious.

"It's a surprise," Obi-Wan says. He tries to keep his tone dry. He thinks he succeeds.

Anakin rolls his eyes before closing them, but he does, in fact, close them.

Obi-Wan goes to put the boots on.

He pauses.

His robes are really not conducive to this style of shoe.

Alas.

The zipper struggles, as it appears he may have gained some weight and muscle in the calves at some point in the last five years, and the additional fabric of his leggings gets caught in the pinch of the closure as he pulls it shut.

"Can I open my eyes now?"

"A minute, padawan." He knows he sounds aggravated. He needs to assure Anakin that he's done nothing wrong. "I just ran into an unexpected--fierfek--an unexpected problem."

Anakin sighs, loud and dramatic and so utterly fourteen that Obi-Wan's frustration flees in favor of finding it all fantastically funny.

"Stay. On," he grunts, finally finishing up the second boot. "For pity's sake..."

"Can I open my eyes now?" Anakin whines. He wouldn't call it a whine. It is absolutely a whine.

"Only if you promise not to laugh," Obi-Wan says. "There's usually much more coordination involved."

"I'm going to laugh, Master," Anakin promises, grave as a tomb. "Now I won't be able to stop myself."

Obi-Wan sighs heavily. "Fine. You can open your eyes."

Anakin opens his eyes.

He looks Obi-Wan over for only a moment before his eyes catch on the boots.

He stares.

Obi-Wan... doesn't really blame him. 'Knee-high sparkly white boots with a stiletto heel, clearly intended for stage purposes' isn't something Anakin would know to expect from him.

"I don't think I've ever seen you wear anything that isn't beige or brown," Anakin says, curiously flat. "Why... why do you have those?"

"Ah... it's for a hobby I let fall to the wayside as my responsibilities increased," Obi-Wan says. "I enjoyed performing in drag, but I haven't had the time for it, to such a point that I was surprised to realize these don't quite fit around the muscle higher up anymore."

Anakin frowns. "So this wasn't... a joke or a prank or a dare or anything."

Obi-Wan has so many questions. "No, it wasn't."

"You said the thin heels were dangerous."

"If you don't have practice," Obi-Wan acknowledges. He turns and lifts a leg straight out, bending back until he's in a full split from floor to ceiling. The slightest of kicks, and he flips back and over, right onto his feet. "I can do more, of course, but I'd rather not prove the rest in my bedroom, where there are walls to poke holes into and lights to damage."

"Okay," Anakin says. He looks down at the boots again, and then at his hands, twisting his fingers into meaningless patterns. "But, um, you're still a man. Right?"

"I do still identify as a man, yes," Obi-Wan says. "Just one who happens to enjoy performance in costume."

"Right," Anakin says, just barely audible. "And... and if I don't want it as a costume, if I think I might... might want to try sk-skirts and wear my hair long, or something?"

"That's perfectly fine," Obi-Wan says. He sits next to Anakin again, and holds back a laugh as the boy teenager immediately reaches out to touch the glittering synthleather, just to see how it feels. "Do you want to be a girl, Anakin?"

"I dunno," his padawan mumbles. "Maybe? I don't hate being a boy. I just... I dunno."

"We can figure it out together," Obi-Wan promises. "I know a few people who are transgender, or nonbinary, who might be able to help you more than I can, in terms of personal experience. If you want, I can reach out to them."

"Maybe later," Anakin says, dropping against Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Would you be mad about the hair? I know the padawan cut is traditional for the lineage..."

"If Komari could wear her hair long, then I don't see why you can't," Obi-Wan says, though part of him wishes the hair could stay. Just another piece of Qui-Gon that he's losing, but... this is about Anakin. And Anakin needs to know this is all fine, regardless of learned biases and all such things. "And tomorrow, we can go shopping for some heels if you want, and... well, most humanoid Jedi clothing is unisex, so that's not quite going to work..."

"Can I pierce my ears?" Anakin asks. "Or, um, get some jewelry? Nothing expensive, just... just, y'know, cute."

"We can do that," Obi-Wan promises. He gives it a few seconds, and then says, "But you're returning Aayla's shoes, and you'll be doing some extra reps of Soresu forms for borrowing them without permission and breaking into my room for a non-emergency."

"Obi-Wan!"

"I've regularly had dangerous insects in here for study, Anakin, the rules are here for a reason."

"Okay, but still!"

#nonbinary anakin skywalker #trans anakin skywalker #anakin and obi wan #obi wan and anakin #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #Phoenix Posts #trans headcanons #drag au #sorta #'is anakin trans or nonbinary?' IDK Anakin hasn't decided yet #Anakin is very gender