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fridayasteroid · 3 years

Audio

Reviewing NIKI - Pandemonium

NIKI is an RnB-pop singer and I’ve been a fan of her since her YouTube days. The songs that she makes herself really touches the soul of anyone who hears it. Its not a surprise that most of her songs has successfully made me cry no matter how many times I hear it.

But now I’ll be specifically writing about a song in her latest album. Although its been almost a year since NIKI’s Moonchild album has been released, but we still like to hear her songs from this album, especially Lose. Its probably the biggest hit song that NIKI has so far in her music career.

I’m not actually going to write about Lose. Today I’ll be sharing a song that really holds dear to my heart. Probably my favourite song from this album. Pandemonium.

The song Pandemonium is actually a phase that I’ve experienced before. How your mind and your heart is constantly in battle, then you start looking at the world through that situation, all you could see is darkness, how people are as heartless as you are.

About The Song In General

The first time I heard this song, it really hits me so hard. For me, NIKI has succeeded in portraying the truth that many people don’t want to face or hard to express. The truth in ones self and the world.

As always, I love how NIKI plays with words and using metaphors while portraying something. You could easily tell why NIKI chose to use metaphors in some parts but other parts are crystal clear. The parts that are crystal clear are words or truths that many people don’t want to face, while the metaphors portrays something much more deeper that can’t be put into words.

The melody itself, to me, is like someone swimming in sadness after they had realised a sad truth of the world and in theirselves. Embracing it and taking that truth to heart, making them seem a bit hopeless. When you hear the melody, it feels like the person is smiling or laughing while crying in the rain. Its a soft melody, not sad, but its a strong hurting melody. Its really hard to put it into words.

The deep chimes feel like you're in the ocean, the low beat gives the impression of sadness that has energy to express it.

But there is also something in the lyrics. I feel as though NIKI portrays someone satirising on how things are with people and themselves, its as if they're angry but doesn’t have the strength to be mad. So all they could do is laugh at themselves while embracing the truth. Embracing it is the only way to cope with it. Its like NIKI is portraying the chaos in one’s head after everything that has happened and finally submitting how it is.

The reason why I love this song is how this song really portrays the hurt in chaos of all the things that I mentioned above. Its something that everyone goes through. She is so brave to make this emotional song that most people choose to bury away down deep in themselves.

Its pretty ironic actually, its about someone who embraces the hopelessness to gives up to themselves. As if, after they know the truth, they choose to not fully confront it and change themselves. They chose to make it a part of themselves while actually hating it. OMG, I don’t know if you understand or not.

My Interpretation of The Lyrics

Smoke puffs are white and piling This head feels like an island I am my own asylum Their stares are beady but I don't mind Let 'em take their time 'Cause there ain't no new light to shed, no, no

This first line of the lyrics portrays someones mental struggle, what their thoughts are and how they cope with it.

The first line of the lyrics, ‘Smoke puffs are white and piling,’ portrays the struggle of someone that overthinks, their thoughts pile up making you unable to think clearly. Its a really devastating situation, overwhelmed by these puffs but you can’t find a way out because you can’t see anything. She perfectly portrays how someone is drowning in their thoughts, drowning in these puffs.

The next two lines are something that affirms the previous line. The thoughts that are pilling up makes someone feel trap. As someone stranded in an island. Its no surprise that many jails or asylum (in history) have their own island, because the goal is to make people in jails or asylum detached from the world. I think NIKI is portraying how these people feels detached from the world because of their thoughts itself.

And she further confirms this in the lyrics ‘Their stares are beady but I don't mind.’ The feeling of detachment from the world actually makes you change in a way that other people find uncomfortable or intolerable just because ones mental state or thoughts can’t be like them. The ‘I don’t mind’ makes it more clear on how detached this person is, because you can’t hope anymore, you can’t see that hope, there's no light to shed.

Pandemonium calms me down like an ocean, oh An ocean, oh And I'm kissing pillow lips, drunk off saccharine potions, oh And nothing really matters'

If you search, pandemonium means uproar, chaos, or a place of those things. I think NIKI is really trying to portray how someone embraces the chaos inside and how accepting it is actually calming but sad at the same time, because that's not what you want. How oceans can really make you calm, but at the same time there is so much depth in the oceans that’ll make you drown, and you know you don’t want that.

Its like someone that runs from the world and drowns in the truth of themselves. How they search for something that is meaningless to the heart ‘kissing pillow lips,’ while they know that they want it. How they enjoying sweetness in the moment, becoming addicted to it because that's the only emotion they could feel. In the end, they chose to not give a damn anymore to the world that they realise is full of darkness.

Cause everybody here is dyin', mm Dyin' out in slow motion, mm And everybody here is lyin', lyin' Silently detonating emotions

This is one of the lyrics that are crystal clear, the fact that everyone is going to die gives a certain calmness to me while hearing this. To me the lyrics point out a certain situation of resentment to people ‘why are they like that?’ its as if the answer is, they are like that because they are dying, or they are dying so they are like that.

I’ve been constantly asking myself and God, ‘why can’t people just learn to understand and love each other? why can’t I be emotionally attach to people’ but the reality of it is so complicated, the world and ourself is at fault, and you start to feel overwhelmed, don’t know where to start to get out of that feeling.

So in the end everyone lies, and the biggest lie of all is to themselves. Rather than struggling to get out of that feeling, they chose to swim in it. I think that's one of the main points of this song that really hurts. People have a tendency to defend themselves, even from the truth that lies within. They don’t realise it, but lying to ones self actually makes you heartless, to yourself and others. You find it even harder to feel emotion let alone express it. Let alone to be connected to people.

I feel that, that situation is actually what makes people die slowly inside. Their mental state is dying.

Read the spaces between the lines Mind your own business while I grow mine No, it's never personal, yeah Maybe that's the problem (that's the problem) We loosen up every rung on the ladder Serve up a smile on a silver platter No one needs a pillar, just a painkiller or two'

This verse really hurts. The way that she sings this made me to tears. I think she has done a great job of portraying the loneliness that everyone has in these lyrics. From the start, she’s portraying someone that doesn’t care of what people think or how everything is, but at the same time they know that that is the problem. How they are lonely and emotionally unattached to people is maybe because we try to mind our own businesses.

Its a truth that people choose to hide, lying to themselves. To loosen up to every stage that they go through in life, marriage, career, etc, while actually in fear that they might fail or not make it though that phase, because they know they’re alone, they have to make it so that they could go on or at least people could see that they’re good enough. To have to smile to everyone while actually hurting so bad inside. And taking painkillers to cope with it because no one could be a ‘pillar’ anymore because its every man to themselves and everyones alone.

Its all a cause and effect from everyone who once deny their feelings, not caring about anything, that leads to everyone living alone, and finally they all have to fake it till they die. Its a very sad truth of people and one’s self.

Cause everybody here is dyin', mm Dyin' out in slow motion, mm And everybody here is lyin', lyin' Silently detonating emotions Mm, mm We're dyin' in the dark It's written there in the stars You're understood by so little And loved only from afar And counting blessings is hard I don't quite know where to start The gold is new, but the gray Well, that's just state of the art And bottoms up to skeletons all bottled up Always going when the going gets too tough, oh

The bridge is so nicely written. Its like its expressing the pain and anger in a delicate way. I like how after the lyrics ‘silently detonating emotions’ comes ‘we’re dying in the dark’ because when we realise and choose to not feel anything, we are slowly dying that that sad truth.

The bridge really tells us how someone is struggling in what they feel and think. What they want to what is in front of them. To be understood and loved, but them theirselves and everyone else makes it impossible to build an utopia like that. Its truly a pandemonium.

‘Counting blessings is hard’ is what people feel when they are blinded by these thoughts. They try but it seems hopeless, because they really don’t know where to start. I don’t know if you guys have ever experience this feeling, but it makes you really frustrated to yourself.

They know that the feeling and situation of this chaos is wrong, but they choose to embrace it, embrace the hopelessness, and running away from reality. The lyrics ‘And bottoms up to skeletons all bottled up, Always going when the going gets too tough’ really portrays that.

Yeah, everybody here is dyin' Dyin' out in slow motion And everybody here is lyin', lyin' Silently detonating emotions Yeah, everybody here is dyin' Dyin' out in slow motion And everybody here is lyin', lyin' Silently detonating emotions 'Cause everybody here is dyin'

I am wondering why this part of the chores is on repeat and not pandemonium itself. In fact, pandemonium is only mentioned once. I’ve given it a thought and its probably because the biggest pandemonium thought of all is how people and ourselves are slowly dying because we chose to run away from our feelings and to not care about other peoples feelings.

I don’t really know if NIKI’s intentions in writing this lyrics are the same on what I feel, but it really brought me to tears every time I’m in a low point, because she points out the reality of me and other people. Its a really devastating song, there's no hope in it. Its just plain sad truth that people try to hide.

I hope if you listen to this, you could feel the pain in it.

#NIKI #niki zefanya #moonchild #moonchild lyrics #pandemonium #pandemonium lyrics #meaning of pandemonium #sad songs #sad lyrics #88rising #interpret lyrics #everybody here is dying #lyrics #moonchild album #NIKI 88rising

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cuthie · 4 years

Text

Atreyu Starbrook: Demon Hunter Tales

The Beginning

“Here, I saved you the heart.”

A younger elf in light plated armor offers me a recently felled demon’s liver. I crack into a smile wide enough to showcase my thick elongated canines. The boy, with long ebony hair held in place by a red headband, returns the perceived camaraderie with his own goofy grin. He’s as pretty as he is dumb, but there’s definitely a healthy helping of charm under all his shenanigans.

Perhaps I would find him more entertaining if I didn’t want to sever his head from his body and drink the blood of all his family.

Those aren’t my thoughts. They use my voice, linger in my mind, but they’re not mine.

Yes they are. They’re my baser desires.

No, they’re not.

I like to think I’ve grown accustomed to the demon within me, and on most days I can silence him, but it’s bitter resentment towards me is misplaced for it’s own failings.

I didn’t fail, I planned on-

There. Gone for now.

Another elf, this one squat, heavy and in paladin armor clears his throat, “Cuthbert, that’s not a heart. Besides, I’m sure they don’t really eat demons, right Atreyu?”

I swivel my head in his direction to be polite. I can see their auras through my own skull, no need to move at all. Funny, I always thought eyes in the back of my head would be an improvement, but in reality it’s only a slight boon. I can see someone behind me, if I’m focusing, which takes only slightly less effort than actually turning my head. The dumb one’s aura is a lot dimmer, but the pair give off the same familiar glow of the Holy Light. I can see every particle in their body, I can see the impressions they leave behind in weaponry, footsteps, books they’ve read, letters they’ve written. Impressions don’t always last very long though, and I imagine my sight is as strong as it can be for now. Of course, were I to devour this offered liver, drink some of the demon’s fel blood even, that might improve.

I shiver as a memory flickers through my mind at the speed of a passing moment, but the demonic force inside me insistently projects it to the forefront of my thoughts. It may be silent for now, but it’s influence is always present.

I’m back in the Black Temple, amidst a confused crowd in a locked courtyard. Lord Illidan stands tall, calculating, then beckons me forth. I exhale, more than a little nervous. I know what’s expected of me, I witnessed at least three dozen hunters step forward already. Had I known that this is where following Kael’thas would bring me, I would have been more hesitant. Bas’tian, my brother and all of Quel’thalas deserves retribution, vengeance.

I step into the summoning circle with only a sword to protect me. A black felstalker manifests, immediately picks up my scent and lunges at me. A flash of green, my memory skips forward and it’s over. I’m panting, my body exhausted, bleeding, ready to fall over but the demon dead at my feet. It hates watching this part. It refuses to rewatch the exact tactics that entrapped it. In the physical world my smile continues, while in my memory I’m repulsed at what comes next.

I cut out the beast’s still hot beating heart and bring it to my mouth. The scent is horrible but the taste is worse and overwhelming. My thick fangs bite into the meaty pulsing organ, fangs that didn’t exist when I actually endured the trials, but as always, the mind craves familiarity. It’s like eating hot squiggling slugs. Everything squirms, squirts and tries to escape as it fills my maw completely. A flash of green. I scoop out a handful of fel blood and drink it down. It brings me to my knees, tasting of rotgut alcohol and it’s all I can do to swallow my vomit.

Burning fel magic threatens to melt my throat, then my body feels as if it’s on fire. I look up to see the same demon, the felstalker, chasing down my brother Bas’tian. I reach for a sword that is no longer there, and instead I rush in and rip the demon apart with my own hands and claws. It’s too late, Bas’tian is gone. A flash of green.

“Take your vengeance. Feed me.”

It was my voice. I blink and look up at the large elf in front of me. He looks delicious. I lunge upon him, clawing through his armor, trying to get to that delicious elven heart. My brother tries to kill me in return, but it’s too late for him. I win. A flash of green.

By now I’ve killed this demon eighteen times. Only once in the physical world, but many times inside my own mind, knowing each battle would mean the end of everything if I lost. Each scenario is different but I always win. Always. At last I fall face first onto a stone floor, and watch as I leave my body behind, floating above as a specter, eavesdropping on my former life. Suddenly I’m expelled into the universe, Outlands becoming a speck in the Twisting Nether. As I fly faster than any person or thing has ever moved I behold millions upon millions of worlds teeming with life and promise. Every passing second tens of thousands of children, women and men are dying somewhere. The Burning Legion destroys all worlds. The millions upon millions of lights in the universe wink out until only a few remain. They conquer and raze worlds like an army might a small town. They are endless, they are legion, and nothing can ever defeat them. A flash of green.

Join us.

It’s worse than losing a loved one. Abrupt death is an inevitability and soon not even dust will remain. It doesn’t stop, won’t stop. I see each and every member of my family murdered in the most gruesome and creative ways possible a thousand times over. Each one is traumatizing, each one is really happening, each one is the end of the world, and no matter how hard I close my eyes I can’t stop watching. I scream, I cry, and I dig my fingernails into my eye sockets. Sharp nails dig into my eyelids as I painfully squeeze above and below the orbs simultaneously, dragging skin with me, until I can grip my eyes enough to simply pull them out. Strands that once connected nerves now stretch, resist, then snap and dangle, but despite the pain it doesn’t blind me. I can see still everything. A flash of green.

The felstalker paces from left to right. I have it’s full attention. It lunges again, only this time I stop it with a single hand. I grip it by it’s scaley hot throat, squeeze and it explodes into a rain of fel blood and gore. I am stronger. I rip into it’s chest, pulling out then devouring it’s wriggling steaming heart, then I drink from it’s blood. These things no longer disgust me. The blood is quite delicious. My head lifts in glee, I lick my lips and quiver as my powers and abilities grow exponentially. A flash of green.

The demon’s blood in particular is intoxicating, addictive. I can feel the immediate connection to the Burning Legion, just as much as I feel my anger rising, my strength growing and the presence of something dark sharing my thoughts. I can’t see anything but black now, but I can smell HIM. Illidan Stormrage. I lift myself up and launch, fangs and claws extended, ready to end the Betrayer’s life. A flash of pain paints the black nothingness of my sightless vision red as a single backhanded stroke collides into my face and throws my body far away. I hit the ground rolling, then a flash of green.

I see colors, so many colors. Everywhere, floating aimlessly about the world around me. So many of these colors I didn’t know existed. I don’t have names for them. A voice commands me. I do as they bid. The colors swirl and form objects. People. I can feel the woman in front of me without touching her. She’s one of the hundreds of bedlamites that plague this sweat stenched temple, muttering to themselves, eating their own hands. Now I know why. A flash of green.

My haunting experiences within the Black Temple continued, but -it- isn’t interested in reviewing the other trials and teachings. Neither am I. What lasted an eternity in my mind was all of four seconds in reality. I shake my head at Alain, “No, not always. It’s tempting, but I understand the weight of it’s consequences all too well.”

Alain doesn’t like that answer. His smile falters for half a moment, but I caught it. I hope he can appreciate the honesty there. Cuthbert simply looks confused, “So you do but.. Too many calories?”

I simply nod my head once, “Yes.” He’ll never understand, it’s easier this way. Alain and Cuth both are in bad shape. They’re both covering their pain and fatigue, one with fatuity, the other with self dismissive kindness. They look to me to lead. “Let’s head back to the overlook in Suramar.”

Cuth raises a brow, “But we didn’t even find the portal.”

“Mm, we have a lead. We’ll recuperate and try again tomorrow.” I’ll try again tomorrow, not them. Cuth isn’t cut out for this and Alain is straining himself to protect them both. Cuthbert should have stayed with his Order’s leader, as ordered. Dumb kid.

Together we turn around and make our return to base. Cuthbert begins to sing, loudly, and to my surprise Alain joins in. I remember the song but I don’t quite remember the lyrics. Something about a hard knock life. About an abandoned quel’dorei girl with curly red hair.

It would be so easy, the work of seconds. I could raise my glaives and slit both their throats at once. The crimson gush oozing down my blades, the tingling rush running down my spine, their annoying prattle forever silenced.

I can tolerate anything and everything these two put me through. Because I already endure the most annoying thing in this world or any other, you.

Asshole.

The sun has set, but unlike my companions, I can see just as easily in the dark. We’re only ten minutes away from home when the hair on the back of my neck prickles. I stop in my tracks and turn my eyes around to the three Felhounds in total, one one to our left, one to our right and one behind us. Their kind have tentacles that attach and drain magic. What better snack than a trio of blood elves.

Kin of yours I hope.

I manifest my glaives instantaneously, the runic weapons bound to my soul and heeding my call. The ability to summon them now comes as effortlessly to me as clenching my own fists. They are an extension of myself, and while there are countless weapons out there more powerful, these are mine and I know them inside and out.

I quickly pivot on my left foot, crouching and extending my right leg to bring it behind the back of Cuthbert’s knees. As he falls down I raise my right glaive in time to catch the midsection of the airborne demon. Like a hot knife through butter, the beast is cut in twain, it’s front half whining, it’s fangs chomping, it’s tentacles flailing.

I wanna fight, let me kill them.

No. It is not your time.

I turn around to see one demon already pinning Alain to the ground, the tall grass almost covering the both of them up. A sound similar to a strong gust of wind begins and passes in the same second just as Alain surrounds himself with a bright glowing ‘bubble’. The demon applies it’s suckers, attempting to drain the Light magic, but it won’t be getting anything from that.

Alain buying himself a few precious seconds allows me to focus on the third demon. I bring my arm back and then fling my weapon with strength siphoned from my internal demon. The blade catches in the felhound’s head, digging in deep, only for it to disappear and reform into my right hand as grey matter and green puss splatter onto the ground.

While Cuthbert still tries to stand up and figure out what’s going on, Alain is on his feet and his protective barrier gone. He tightens his grip on his mace and takes a diagonal swing at the hound, which gracefully avoids the attack, ducking its head at just the right angle.

I don’t spare the paladin’s feelings. I dash to the remaining demon, my right leg rising to punt the lynx sized creature ten yards into the air. Reminiscent of the Black Temple’s training courses I mindlessly spring up in pursuit, wings bursting through the skin of my back. The familiar appendages flap together once to hasten my ascent as I raise both glaives above me. First left, then right, I cut in an X shaped fashion, severing the demon into three ugly sections, it’s insides becoming outsides as their rain down on the blonde haired mender.

I can’t help it. I narrow my eyes and lick my lips. It may as well be mana flavored melting icecream. I swallow, take a staggering breath and my arms bulge until my veins threaten to burst. I could eat just a little more, drink a little more. This speed, this agility, this strength, this everything.. I could be so much more than I am. Just a little…

No. I quietly glide back down, light leather boots barely making a sound as they land on soft grass. I throw another smile towards Alain to try and alleviate some of his concerns. “Sorry about that.”

He laughs nervously, then helps Cuth up who looks entirely starstruck. “Did- Did you? I wish I had wings, you’re so lucky! Maybe I should be a Demon Fighter.”

Alain sighs, “Hunter and you’re better than them. You’re gonna be a paladin some day. Never say that again.” It took all of two seconds before the gentle paladin realized what he was saying. He turned to look at me, the sneer hiding behind a fake smile, “I mean no offense.. My apologies.”

I shrug my shoulders, “Keep to your faith, it suits you both.”

While Cuthbert and Alain, though mostly Cuth, kept conversation for the remainder of our trip, that was the last thing I had said. Conversation is much more difficult when you want to kill everyone around you. Or rather, when something is trying to convince you of that.

#wrarp #WRA RP #demon hunter #Atreyu

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