#((i headcanon that dio steals knives))

[psychosistr]

New Way to Love

Summary: Speedwagon already has enough to deal with in his life without his intense attraction to the powerful and brave man who can slay vampires with his bare hands. Besides, even if his feelings were returned, would Jonathan accept him- ALL of him?

Notes: Trans!Speedwagon AU simply because I have seen pretty much every other character in this series get a trans!AU/headcanon but him. Might make a mini-series out of this later..

Speedwagon knew he was…odd. He had known it since he was about twelve, maybe thirteen years old.

While other kids his age started to fit into their roles in society and lose the androgyny of youth with excitement, he found he dreaded it.

While others his age looked at their bodies filling out with pleasing swells and curves with joyous expressions and comments about how they were looking forward to the frilly new clothes they would be able to wear, he looked at himself with a sense of loathing and found he would rather wear a suit than something so lacy and delicate.

While the girls his age made their parents and guardians proud with talk of one day marrying wealthy husbands and having children, he thought it over and, while he wouldn’t mind having kids someday, he wasn’t as excited by the thought of a big wedding and settling down- he wanted to earn his own money and be able to take care of himself, rather than become dependent on someone else.

Also, while he did still like men quite a lot (he recalled several crushes from his youth), he found he also didn’t mind the idea of being with girls too much either.

Needless to say, his ideals conflicted greatly with those of the people around him who could not comprehend such a mindset.

It only became worse as puberty began to set in more firmly, changing his body in ways that made him upset to look at himself in the mirror. He began doing little things such as wrapping bandages around his chest to bind it and make it look flatter and sneaking out of the orphanage wearing clothes he’d found on the streets that fit him much better. If he got caught behaving in such a way, the “caretakers” (or undertakers, as many kids were prone to call them) would punish him harshly, their methods alternating between beatings, refusal of food, or even locking him up in a closet for days at a time.

By the time he was fifteen, he decided he’d had enough of it and ran away along with a few other kids. They didn’t have anywhere to go, but they figured the streets would be more hospitable than the place they came from was.

Speedwagon figured out rather quickly that, in order to survive on the streets, there were two options- selling yourself or stealing from others.

Not being too keen on the first option, he decided to improve his skills with the latter. He trained himself and learned how to wield different weapons from knives to guns to his bare fists when the need arose. He found he was actually quite skilled with throwing knives and had good aim with other objects, so he found a way to conceal razor blades in articles of clothing- giving him a surprise advantage over anyone he challenged as most didn’t expect to be kicked with a knife or have a hat with blades thrown at them.

With time, he found his way to Ogre Street, one of the worst places in all of London. If you were skilled enough, you could make a killing there (literally and figuratively) and the cops were too afraid to pursue anyone strong enough to call the area home. It was a perfect fit for him, except for one little thing:

Ogre Street was not a welcoming place for anyone even remotely feminine. No cops meant that no one would care if you were assaulted, and some men were cruel and deranged enough to pounce on whatever caught their eye.

Having already decided he wanted to live his life as a man and being more comfortable with people referring to him as such, the decision to have his breasts removed was an easy one. Finding a doctor willing to attempt the surgery and keep quiet about it was a bit more challenging, but, for the right price, anyone’s service can be bought. He eventually found a crooked doctor willing to perform the operation after Speedwagon slid him a decent amount of money up front and promised more after it went well.

It hurt. Speedwagon was no stranger to pain, but it had been AGONIZING. The doctor had no proper anesthetics or pain killers to give him and couldn’t even be bothered to knock him out, meaning he had to be strapped down to the operating table and wide awake through the whole process. Needless to say, it left him with some nasty scars under his chest, but they fit in well-enough with the rest of the scars already on his body. The recovery period lasted longer than he would have liked, leaving his pockets dangerously empty, but it was worth it for the security (and general feeling of comfort and happiness) it would bring him in the future.

Once everything was said and done and he was back out terrorizing the streets once again, he felt so much better. No more binding his chest to the point of near-suffocation or worrying about his shirt buttons popping open to reveal something that shouldn’t be seen. To everyone on Ogre Street, he was just another man looking to survive and that’s how he wanted it.

Speedwagon was not a very trusting person, so there were very few who knew his secret. In fact, there were only two men who knew the truth about him in all of London.

One was Tattoo, as he was one of the boys that Speedwagon had run away from the orphanage with. The big guy had been a good, supportive friend throughout their youth and never made Speedwagon feel odd about himself in the slightest. After Speedwagon’s surgery, he’d brought him food now and then to help keep him alive when he wasn’t feeling well enough to go out and steal some for himself. He was also the one to suggest they start going by new names to mark their new lives on Ogre Street. Tattoo took his namesake from the odd inking he got done at a local shop around the same time Speedwagon got his surgery, and he had no problems at all calling Speedwagon by the new name he chose for himself.

The other was Kempo Master. Speedwagon and Tattoo met him shortly after they changed their names. He was a little odd himself, but pretty clever. Speedwagon never said anything about his past, and he knew Tattoo sure as hell didn’t, but Kempo Master just seemed to somehow KNOW. He never said a word about it, which Speedwagon was immensely grateful for. Instead, Kempo Master showed his understanding and support in little ways such as bringing home extra bundles of cloth and wool along with medicines and drugs meant to ease pain during certain times of the month when Speedwagon “felt ill”.

Speedwagon was glad to have both of his friends’ support and understanding, but he certainly did not plan on ever letting anyone else find about his past or his body.

At least…not until a certain snowy night when he and his friends attempted to rob a tall, muscular, rich man who’d wandered into their territory..

Jonathan Joestar.

With one firm punch to the face that sent him flying, the kind-hearted nobleman had instantly landed a place in Speedwagon’s heart that no other person in the world had been able to match. The man was kind, compassionate, caring, strong, brave, noble, intelligent, clever- Speedwagon could go on and on for hours (according to his friends, he already did).

Since they met, Speedwagon’s life had been completely uprooted and he was thrust into a bizarre adventure that consisted of ancient stone masks, people corrupted into zombies, and nearly immortal vampires. It was through these life or death battles and long days and nights spent training for them that the pair grew closer and closer.

Speedwagon was in love with Jonathan, he knew this to be a fact almost instantly after meeting him. That feeling grew stronger with each passing day, but he bit his tongue and said nothing about it. One reason was because Jonathan already had a lovely woman in his life- Erina Pendleton. The two had been close when they were younger and had been inseparable since the fight with Dio had ended. There were no doubts in Speedwagon’s mind that they would be married before long.

The other reason he abstained from saying anything was because…well…he was who he was. It was a cruel way to phrase it, but he had no other way to describe himself. Part of him briefly wondered if, had he simply bitten his tongue and lived his life as he had been told to, there may have been a chance for him to win Jonathan over before Erina came back into his life. That part was quickly silenced, though- he was who he was and would never regret that choice. If someone could not love him for being himself, then he would rather die alone.

Even so, on lonely nights when he knew Jonathan and Erina were off somewhere being one of the most lovely couples in all of England- perhaps in all the world- his mind would stray and wander to thoughts of the handsome nobleman and how he longed to be held as Erina was. On certain occasions, he even imagined himself together with both of them- walking down the street with himself on one of Jonathan’s arms and Erina on the other, sharing a kiss with each of them before gazing at them doing the same with each other, or simply just lying together peacefully in the same bed with the two of them holding him and telling him he deserved to be there nestled between such beautiful angels.

Alas, he knew it was a fantasy not meant to see the light of day. At least he could content himself with being Jonathan’s closest friend and catching glimpses of the happiness the two shared with each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was on an evening much like any other that he’d spent with Jonathan following Dio’s defeat that his life took yet another unexpected turn.

The two men were having drinks at a local pub in London, one of the seedier places that a man like Jonathan never would have set foot in before meeting the blonde man. However, since the two became friends and Speedwagon began showing the nobleman his less-than-respectable-but-still-quite-fun places to hang out, Jonathan was now a familiar face at many of London’s lower class establishments. He had been a bit worried at first about causing a scene among the bar’s patrons, but one stern glare from Speedwagon was enough to quiet any room and silently instruct all in attendance not to bother them- he still held quite a bit of pull in England’s darker circles, despite his attempts at going on the straight-and-narrow since meeting Jonathan.

They were a few drinks in, at a point where they were both pleasantly buzzed and relaxed thanks to the alcohol but not yet inebriated. After finishing another round, Speedwagon noticed that Jonathan had a pensive expression on his face despite the generally jovial atmosphere around them.

“Somethin’ on your mind, Mr.Joestar?” He inquired while placing a hand on the larger man’s shoulder.

“Huh?” Jonathan startled slightly, blinking as he realized he was being spoken to and clearly replaying the words in his minds before responding with a small frown. “Oh Speedwagon, I do wish you would stop referring to me so formally. We have been through so much together, can you not call me Jonathan- or even simply Jojo? I would much prefer that..”

Speedwagon offered him an apologetic smile. “My apologies, Jonathan. Now then, somethin’ on your mind ‘sides my language?”

Jonathan seemed hesitant as he searched his mind for an answer. “Well…yes.” He looked down at his empty glass on the table, bringing one of his fingers up to slowly trace the rim of it. “Promise you will not think less of me if I ask you for your opinion on a rather…sensitive matter?”

Speedwagon was quick to respond with a resolute nod and an encouraging squeeze to the broad shoulder that his hand was still resting on. “Never, Jonathan. Y’ can ask me anythin’ at all, I’d never judge y’.”

Jonathan looked up at him for a moment, a soft, caring smile on his handsome face. “…” He took a deep breath and looked back down at his hands, apparently unable to meet his friend’s gaze while asking what was on his mind. “You are far more worldly than I am, so I was hoping you would have a more open-minded opinion on such things..but..” He bit his lip briefly before continuing. “I know that romantic relationships between men and women are quite common all over the world..however..have you ever seen such a thing between..um.. between two……men..?” His voice grew quieter towards the end, lowering so much that, had he not been leaning in to hear properly, Speedwagon may have missed the final word.

As it was, he’d certainly heard it and it caused a slight flush that was from more than just the alcohol to spread over his ears. “O-Oh..” He pulled his hand back and covered his mouth while clearing his throat. “Well now..that is certainly a sensitive matter to discuss..” He glanced around to make sure no one was close enough to hear them. Thankfully they were in a booth situated in the back corner of the pub and the bar was fairly empty at the moment, with its few regulars mostly seated at the bar itself and out of both sight and earshot. Deeming it safe to talk about the subject, Speedwagon looked back to Jonathan once more. “To answer your question, Jonathan- yes. I’ve met my fair share of men an’ women alike that preferred t’ be with one o’ their own rather than the other- ‘ell, I’ve seen people what went after both. I’ve even got a few friends inclined that way.” He almost said he was as well, but he was nervous to admit that part..

He noticed the way Jonathan’s head lifted and he looked at Speedwagon with a hopeful expression. “Really? I knew there were laws against carnal relations between two men, but I had never heard of them having romantic relations before. I mean, I knew it stood to reason that it would be POSSIBLE, I had just never seen such a thing in person.”

Speedwagon gave a pained chuckle, a forced smile on his face as it was his turn to look down at his empty glass. “Can’t say I’m surprised. Most have t’ keep quiet ‘bout that sorta stuff, ‘specially ‘round these parts, else they’d be locked up.” He sighed sadly and closed his eyes, remembering the times he’d bit his tongue regarding the many crushes he’d had over the years to avoid being arrested and executed like so many others had- some of them having been friends of his that he felt terribly sorry for. “It ain’t right, imprisonin’ people for lovin’ someone when they ain’t doin’ no harm t’ no one..but, that’s just the price we pay..”

“ ‘We’?” Jonathan parroted back to him with a curious tone that still seemed oddly hopeful.

Speedwagon’s eyes snapped wide-open at the realization of his blunder. “I..um..that is..!” He searched his head rapidly for a reason, an excuse, a diversion- ANYTHING that would allow him to go back on what he’d said. “That is t’ say..‘we’ as in..y’ know..‘umans in general..!” He tugged his hat down, avoiding Jonathan’s wide-eyed, curious stare. “A-Anyway, why ask that sorta thing?”

With his hat hiding his eyes, Speedwagon failed to notice Jonathan subtly moving closer as he spoke. “It’s because..you see..I have been having some feelings as of late that were rather…confusing.” Speedwagon felt Jonathan’s hand brush against his own ever so slightly as he continued, but he figured it was just an accident. “I do love Erina very much, there are no doubts in my mind about that…however..I believe I have started developing feelings- I would dare to even call it love- for..someone else, as well..another man, actually.” A gentle glide of fingers along the back of his hand, far too deliberate to be an accident this time. “I have spoken with Erina, and she has been wonderfully patient and kind on the matter. In fact, she has encouraged me to speak to the man in question about it..and has even shown a budding interest in him as well, which makes me all the more eager to speak with him.” His fingers traced around so they were sliding between Speedwagon’s palm and the table below it, holding onto it so tenderly that it made Speedwagon’s heart ache. “Tell me..if I confessed my feelings to him..do you think he would accept them..?”

Speedwagon felt something racing through him in time with his rapid heartbeat- anxiousness, perhaps. Or maybe hope? Whatever it was, he tried to firmly stomp it down before it could blindside him completely. After all, Jonathan could merely be seeking comfort- he was quite a tactile fellow, always offering physical contact in way of encouragement and affection.

“I..I think anyone would be lucky t’ ‘ave y’, Jonathan..” He swallowed down the lump in his throat that threatened to choke off his air any moment now. “Only a fool would turn someone like YOU down.”

“Well then..” Jonathan’s large, warm hand was suddenly on his cheek, tilting his head up so they could lock eyes properly- confident and teasing blue meeting nervous and surprised copper brown. “Do you consider yourself a fool, Robert?”

Jonathan rarely used his first name and it made his heart want to explode out of his chest. Then, if that weren’t enough, those blue eyes were suddenly much closer and he felt something warm pressing to his lips and-

Oh.

Jonathan was kissing him…

Jonathan was kissing him…?

Jonathan was kissing him?!

“Mh?!” Speedwagon made a surprised noise in the back of his throat and pulled back slightly, staring at Jonathan with wide, confused eyes. “J-Jonathan?! Wh-Wh-What was that..?!” His face was burning hot and he was certain it was as red as a rose by this point.

Jonathan frowned, looking confused by the reaction. “It was..a kiss..?” He looked down, the expression on his face looking so hurt- so full of pain and regret and despair- that it made Speedwagon want to cry. “My apologies..I just..I thought..I was certain you..” He shook his head and stood up from the table, reaching into his pocket and setting a handful of money on the table that was probably worth far more than their few drinks. “Please…forgive me…” He said, his head tilted down so that his eyes were cast in the shadow of his hair to hide his hurt expression from the blonde.

Before Speedwagon could finish properly processing what just happened, Jonathan was already walking briskly towards the exit.

No, no, no! He couldn’t let that painful expression be the last look he saw on Jonathan’s face that night!

“Jonathan! Wait!” He called while hurrying out the door after the taller man. Thankfully, he hadn’t gotten far and Speedwagon was able to catch up to him after jogging for a block or two. “Jonathan!” He grabbed the nobleman by his arm and turned him so they were looking at each other. His heart nearly stopped at the look of pain and despair still firmly painted on such a handsome face. “Jojo…” He kept a firm grip on that strong arm and led the other man into a back alley, taking a few turns so as to hide themselves from those wandering the streets.

“Speedwagon? What are you-?” Speedwagon didn’t give him a chance to finish his question, instead leaning up on his toes to kiss the taller man firmly on the lips. “?!”

Speedwagon continued the kiss for quite some time, keeping his hands cupped around Jonathan’s cheeks to prevent him from pulling back as he himself had earlier. When he was finally satisfied, he pulled away only by an inch or two so he could give Jonathan a playful and teasing but still loving smile.

“Still startlin’, even when y’ want it, ain’t it?” He asked while gently stroking Jonathan’s defined cheekbones with his thumbs.

Jonathan swallowed nervously, a slight flush appearing on his cheeks. “You..Do you mean..that is..do you..?”

Speedwagon smiled more. God, it was cute watching the normally confident man fumble over his words like a nervous school boy. “Yeah. I do, Jojo.” His smile faltered, however, when a traitorous thought crossed his mind. “I..gotta ask, though..” He looked down, releasing Jonathan’s face so he could wrap one arm around himself and nervously rub at it with the other one. “Would y’ still love me..even if I wasn’..y’ know….a man..?” Damn it, his anxiety was getting the better of him, but he knew they would need to have this conversation at some point, so, he figured, they might as well do it now.

Jonathan just gave him a confused look, obviously missing the point of the question a bit. “Are you asking if I would still love you if you were a woman? Of course I would, Robert. I love your fiery personality and sharp wit. Though you are also quite charming and attractive, it is you and your amazing soul I love far more than the body you were born with.”

Speedwagon visibly winced at the other’s wording. “And…if this wasn’ the body I was born with? If, say, I was supposed t’ be somethin’ else an’ decided t’ change it..? If I wasn’ a man in the same way as you..would y’ still love me, Jojo..?” This was physically painful to talk about. He kept waiting, anticipating the rejection he was certain would come any moment now-

“Yes.” The answer was immediate and without any trace of doubt. He looked up out of surprise, staring right into Jonathan’s unwavering gaze. “I love you, Speedwagon. Regardless of what anyone else says, you are the MAN whom I love so dearly. You are no less a man than myself, and are far greater than most men I have known in my life.” He encircled Speedwagon with his strong arms, making him feel shielded and safe and so very loved. “You are kind, loyal, brave, selfless, clever, and one of the most wonderful people in my life. Without your constant encouragement and support, I do not know if I would have made it through all the horrors that we were forced to endure.” He held Speedwagon close, leaning his head down until they were only a breath apart. “I love you, Robert. If you allow it, then I shall show you the depths of my love from this day forth and until the end of time itself.”

Speedwagon’s heart was thrumming madly in his chest. He felt overjoyed, so happy he could practically cry. In fact, he could swear he felt something wet sliding down his cheeks and wouldn’t be surprised at all if that were indeed the case.

“Please..” His voice was a broken whisper, his throat choked up with far too many emotions to name. “I love y’ too, Jojo. Please..” He gripped Jonathan’s shoulders, almost scared to let go for fear of this all being some cruel dream meant to grant him a taste of what he so desperately wanted. “Show me..”

That was all that needed to be said for Jonathan to close the gap between them and kiss Speedwagon with so much love and longing that it made the blonde’s knees weak. He practically clung to Jonathan for support as the kiss took all the stress, all the fear, all the trepidation he had in that moment and cast it aside. Instead, his heart filled with love, affection, reassurance, and desire that burned as it raced up and down his spine.

There was no use denying himself any longer: He was in love with Jonathan Joestar, and he knew that the astounding nobleman would continue to make his life even more bizarre and wonderful from this day forward.

End Notes: Yeah, I’ll probably make a mini-series out of this later. If nothing else it would be to add on some NSFW scenes that I’d post to AO3 and some relationship building to include Erina as well because I love polyamory stuff with the three of them xD

#jonawagon #jonathan joestar #Robert E O Speedwagon #jjba #trans!character #jojo kimyou na bouken #jojo's bizarre adventure #trans!Speedwagon #New Way to Love