#(I always see eleven as defining himself as a madman because it makes him feel braver. To him- madness is an act of rebellion-

[seaweedstarshine]

Rewatching my favorite Christmas special and I cannot get over “Psych*tic Potato Dwarf” as an insult from a person who — canonically — according to sources from the same writer — often hears voices that he has trouble distinguishing from reality. It's not just the one line, it's the fact that it’s the title of Strax’s theme! I always wanna call it out 😭, which works out in my The Snowmen-era Eleventh Doctor fanfictions because Strax is a nurse and would know what that word means.

Like, it does unfortunately fit the character because Gallifreyan culture is — canonically — systematically exclusionary of mentally ill people, and the Eleventh Doctor — canonically — hates himself more than anyone in the universe. But the choice?

#I think the real explanation here is that Moffat listened & learned & grew when it comes to representation during his run #btw psych*tic is censored btw for search reasons and uh. asterisks make ableist language less upsetting to look at? its true. #ableism #saneism #(I always see eleven as defining himself as a madman because it makes him feel braver. To him- madness is an act of rebellion- #Koschei was mad. Gallifrey openly rejects 'mad' people. he has a lot of baggage from being one of ‘the ones who ran away’) #that bein SAID #while like Moffat wasn't malicious like some *coughTHESOUNDOFDRUMScough* when it came to depicting psychosis- #he has a very specific way of showing his ignorance here #this is the man who wrote 'high functioning sociopath do your research' (which is. yay 'humanizing' low empathy symptoms! River Song too) #but please moffat do some research yourself before writing a line like that (I know that was like 2010 I know he got better) #words by seaweed #(eleventh) doctor is neurodivergent tag #ANYWAYS im still working on the sequel to my Snowmen era elevenmissy snowmen fic that really shouldn't have a sequel #also 'doctor who doesn't have canon' -hush. its canon as it gets #okay I think this been posted enough days ago for me to add the character tags for organizational purposes #eleventh doctor #strax

[desiree-harding-fic]

Cinderella!Au Continuation

Y’all want some SAP?????

This is the original scene of night 3 of the ball from my Taakitz Cinderella!Au. I just felt like putting it up, because im close to 400 followers now, and I think you’re all really sweet to me, and I’m grateful for all of you, and I’m feeling sappy tonight.

So enjoy!

Kravitz guides Taako across the floor confidently, gently, and Taako feels beautiful, he feels like he could fly. He feels like he’s never been loved so strongly, except of course by Lup, but no one has ever paid him attention like this. It’s beautiful, intoxicating, addicting as the smell of Kravitz’s cologne and the line of his cheekbones, as the feeling of his hand resting upon Taako’s waist.

The minutes pass, fifteen, thirty, forty-five, fade into hours, one, two, dancing and then another walk through the beautiful palace gardens, past fountains and trellises, the cool autumn wind just kissing Taako’s bare skin where his dress doesn’t cover, until Kravitz notices him shivering and takes off is fine jacket, despite Taako’s protestations, to drape over Taako’s shoulders.

He’s grateful for the warmth, though, and the softness, and he pulls the garment tighter around him even as he says, “look at you, you’ve ruined the whole look, my man.”

Kravitz just laughs, adjusts the jacket, looks into Taako’s eyes, and Kravitz’s eyes are so beautiful and warm and soft the way he looks at him, and the moment stretches between them, tense in the best possible way, and for a moment, just a moment, Taako thinks –

The moment breaks. And Kravitz says, just barely audible, “worth it.”

They continue their slow promenade through the gardens, Taako on the prince’s arm, and he loves Kravitz’s jokes, they’re strangely morbid and witty, and they make Taako giggle high-pitched and vapid and not at all attractive, but Kravitz still looks at him with those smiling, sparkling eyes as though Taako means –

No. Taako’s not going to think about what he means to Kravitz. In a few hours he’ll leave this place, this moment, and when he goes away with Lup maybe it’ll mean something new for them, and Taako can examine what this is then, when it’s safe. Now? Now isn’t the time. Now, Taako’s a pretty face in a pretty dress at a pretty party, and nothing else exists outside of that.

Kravitz leads them around the beautiful grounds, the sounds of the ball always within earshot, faint but lovely in their own way, muted as the music and chatter floats lightly on the air.

They end on a balcony of sorts, hidden behind trellises and trees, and there, standing between two fine red maples, their leaves alight from the season, and the moon filtering through their half-fallen foliage, and the sea crashing faintly against the rocks beneath them, Kravitz takes Taako’s hand, and begins once more to dance with him.

It’s little more than a soft away from side to say, little more than another reason for Kravitz’s hand on his waist and to be in each other’s space, but it’s - it’s everything. And the air is thick with something Taako doesn’t dare name. Kravitz is beautiful in the moonlight, the way it plays on his dark skin, and his eyes are so deep, and he’s so close to Taako, so close, and Taako can’t look away, can’t –

The press of their lips together is warm, and dry, and almost a surprise, but so welcome, the gentle pressure for just a moment, and Taako’s eyes slide shut as Kravitz kisses him.

It’s over so soon. Kravitz pulls away, and it’s only a few inches, Taako can still feel the breaths shared between them as his eyes flutter open, and then, then –

He isn’t sure who lunges forward, maybe it’s him, and maybe Kravitz, but Taako is suddenly pressed up against the prince, and is pressing his mouth against Kravitz’s and slipping an arm over Kravitz’s shoulder as Kravitz snakes an arm around his back, so solid and strong as Kravitz kisses him, and kisses him, and kisses him.

And it goes on, and on, and on, and Taako doesn’t ever want it to end, as Kravitz’s hands roam over his waist, and the back of Taako’s head, the nape of his neck to avoid the elegant updo of his hair, and oh gods, the way Kravitz’s hands linger on his body is covetous and dangerously passionate and everything he’s ever wanted but never knew he did.

He’s sitting on the carved stone railing of the balcony they’re on somehow, and how he got there he doesn’t know, and Kravitz is kissing him still, and is pressing himself as close to Taako as he can manage, and it’s thrilling, sitting on the edge like that and trusting Kravitz not to let him fall.

Taako doesn’t think he’s ever trusted anyone who isn’t his sister. He isn’t even sure he thought he could.

Kravitz’s kisses leave his lips and Taako draws in a deep, shaky breath, as Kravitz’s hands find a secure place on his waist and his lips begin to travel down Taako’s neck.

“Kravitz,” he manages, and he almost hates the wrecked gasp of it, the way he sounds like a stiff breeze could knock him over completely, could wipe him out altogether.

Kravitz finally relents, and when he looks at Taako his eyes are wide, his pupils blown out, and gods what a sight that is, but there’s something Taako needs to tell him and he can’t remember what it is with the warm line of Kravitz’s body pressed against him and the thrilling empty air at his back, the endless night sky and equally endless ocean falling away and making him feel as though he could stay here forever.

A hand comes up to cup his cheek.

“What is it?” Kravitz says, just a breath away from him, so, so painfully honest, and his eyes looking somewhere deep into Taako’s soul.

Taako feels a stab of sharp pain somewhere in his chest as he suddenly thinks about all the things he wishes he could say.

He settles for a desperate question.

“What time is it?”

Kravitz’s brow furrows, and his beautiful expression crumples as he looks at Taako for a moment, understanding taking hold in his eyes.

“Please,” he whispers, “please stay.” His hands tighten where they rested gently on Taako’s waist, as though he can keep Taako here, as though –

“I can’t,” Taako says, and it isn’t blasé enough, it isn’t at all aloof or mysterious, it’s raw and somehow desperate, though what exactly he’s desperate for he can’t quite define.

“Why?” the prince asks him, disappointment all over his beautiful face, “lots of people don’t go home even until morning and I –” he clams up, suddenly, looking like he’s choking on his words, almost literally, before he says, “I want you to stay.”

Taako knows there’s more he wants to say, lurking behind those words, and he’s glad that Kravitz doesn’t say it.

He kisses the man once more, a lingering thing, softer than those of a few minutes ago, so soft, and Kravitz is soft. Kravitz is –

“I told you I can’t,” he says, breaking away again, and fixing his eyes somewhere skyward.

“Then at least tell me your name,” Kravitz says, pulling him to his feet off the banister, pulling him close, still so close. “Please, tell me who you are so I can find you again.”

Taako opens his mouth to say something and just then –

CLANG

The clock begins to strike.

It’s like every sense in Taako is dialed up to eleven as he pulls away from Kravitz abruptly, and his mind is running through the way they came as he thinks about how far from the gates he is, and oh gods he hasn’t found Lup –

CLANG

Kravitz is looking at him like he’s seeing the end of the world and the moment stretches between them, a moment between two beats where Taako knows Kravitz is wondering if he’ll run, if he’ll go, but the moment is broken by another –

CLANG

Taako leaps into motion, turning sharply around to leave when he feels a had catch his arm and Kravitz is there again and he just says, “please”, like Taako can resist him when he looks so –

CLANG

He snaps back to attention, and in that moment, he makes a choice.

He pulls off the bracelet from his right wrist, one of the ones that the lady gave him, snapping it off and handing it to Kravitz, who looks at him, bewildered, and Taako explains, rushed,

“They’re two of a kind, I’ll have the other one, and if you really want to find me, you’ll –”

CLANG

Understanding overtakes Kravitz’s eyes, and he breathes, “of course,” and then Taako is kissing him, a hot, quick press of lips before the warmth of Kravitz is gone, and Taako is running, running through the garden and cursing his stupid dress, kicking off his shoes so he can go faster, leaving them behind on the stone walkways and cutting across manicured lawns, and stairs, so many stairs, he’s so going to trip.

CLANG

Gods damn it which way did he come?

CLANG

A sight of the glow of the ballroom through the serene trees has him taking off running again, running as fast as he can, past the finely-dressed people he comes across more frequently as he gets closer to the ballroom, and he’s almost sure he knocked someone over back there, but he can’t stop, and the way he’s hiking up his dress is far from decent for the company –

CLANG

He’s back by the ballroom and the crowd of people extends all the way to the edge of the doors out onto the wide colonnade and Taako begins to push through them, muttering apologies all the way, and likely looking, for all the world, like a madman, but he has to get out –

CLANG

He has to get out, his clothes are going to disappear at midnight, and he’s going to be exposed, and Tostaada will see, and Kravitz will see, and the crowd isn’t parting quick enough, and they’ll all see him, he isn’t going to make it –

CLANG

He must make a disturbance enough on the dancefloor once he gets there because all of a sudden, people are parting, and Taako is running again, and he knows they’re talking about him and he knows they see him, and they’re going to recognize him as the one with Kravitz, and the goddamn ballroom steps are too long

CLANG

He’s running, running down the hallways, down past the beautiful marble columns and past the shining throng entering the palace, past the guard stationed periodically, and his eyes are blurred and his lungs are burning as he fucking sprints and he’s almost there – he’s almost there, he’s almost made it out the castle doors, he can see them, wide open to the Neverwinter night in front of him –

CLANG

He crosses the threshold as the final bell tolls and thank the gods for the thick crowd of people still entering and exiting the palace because it’s nothing at all to slip into them as he feels the beautiful, heavy gown around him melt away until he’s left only in his rags, the shining bracelet from the woman the only thing left of his ensemble, even the pins that were holding his hair up falling away as they have every other night. And unencumbered, his heart still beating a mile a minute, he slips away into the shadowy Neverwinter night.

#taz balance #taakitz #cinderella!au #taako taaco #kravitz #my fic #my fic stuff #desiree: the tumblr sessions