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angelaiswriting · 4 years

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The Year of the Bitch| JAN + FEB 2020

Hello, my darlings!

Long time no see, and I apologize for that. I thought I’d let you know a bit about how these first two months of my Bitch Life (lmao) have been going and I’ll do it under the cut because I doubt many will want to know about my life.

Just a spoiler: I’m working on the cover of a coming-soon book 😏 + goal for the next few months: try and don’t catch this coronavirus bs 🙃

Memory wise, I still suck ass, so #i’m sorry #i’ll forget to talk about some things.

Generally speaking, January and February are exam months because of uni and long story short, your bitch failed an exam for the first time ever. But you know what? I’m not even sad about it -- I wasn’t the day I failed (I mean, at first I was ofc, but the wait for the train home gave me time to think and I realized that I wasn’t as sad as I thought I’d be), and I’m not sad now. I think it was a great lesson -- and to put it with my brother’s words, “You gotta start failing or the real world will kick your ass.” Like,

also, considering as it was said by someone who can’t face shit for the life of him... double the energy of that gif

But yeah, at the end of the day I came to the conclusion that sometimes we have to fail in order to succeed, and that failure? Bitch, it kicked me into Hyper Motivated Bitch mode, I’m not even kidding.

Also, I learned that no matter how hard some things might seem (Economics exam, I’m looking at ya) or how little I think I know (Economics exam, still talking about your ugly ass), it’s the effort that matters and bitch *out of breath*, the effort I put into that exam!

I’ve also come to terms -- and in a peaceful way, wow, look how mature I’m getting -- with the writer’s block that’s still digesting me. I have zero (0) inspiration or motivation to write these months days, but I’m trying to get back on track by reworking a novel I’d actually like to publish one day. It’ll most likely be a long ass process, but it’s okay, it’s still a ride I’m willing to live through to the end.

The high I’ve been on for the past two months is now dropping down into a puddle of new fam problems (*dramatic exhale* -- I’m still learning how to ask for help but for once this is not the case lol), BUT I’ve been working on myself a lot ever since New Year’s. I’ve been working out, I’ve been consistent with yoga and meditation, I’m trying to build healthy habits in general AND WAIT FOR IT

I’ve been getting into the hang of Photoshop once more!!! My parents got me a drawing tablet for Christmas (I have vague memories of saying this already tho ?) and not only did it allow me to make Tatyana’s file a little more ‘personal’ in a way, buuuuuut I might’ve been getting into digital art?? 🙈 I’m loving it and despite being a newbie with this whole thing, I’m having so much fun, you guys have no idea. It relaxes me even when I make mistakes and I think this whole experience is a great teacher, considering how perfectionist I tend to get. I can fuck around, draw shitty things and still have fun while doing it, but also paint fairly decent pieces that make me proud of my horrible ones.

The most exciting part of this ‘artistic journey’ is... *drum roll* a friend of mine is going to publish a book (in Italian, so it probably won’t travel the world and you won’t see my art but who cares) and I’ve been making a book cover for her for the past... month ? ish ? I’m very slow, but I also have other things to do, so that’s okay. It’s not entirely my work since she gave me a drawing her friend made and I reworked it, BUT STILL, YA KNOW??? I’m very excited about it and happy and proud of the results I’m getting, despite it still being a WIP and all. I might even share it once the book is out, who knows! I just need validation lmao

Last but not least, I’ve been more forgiving with myself. I’ve been getting to know myself better, I got back in touch with a friend I hadn’t heard from for over a year... In a weird non-self-centered way I’ve been focusing on myself and my (mental and physical) health a lot more and while the results might not be tangible yet, I’m feeling a lot happier and that’s the vibe I wanna keep with myself for the whole fucking decade.

Before this whole coronavirus shit hit the fan I was planning trips with my dad, but now it’s all on pause. But the moral of this story is, I want to experience more -- more things, more feelings, more time out with the people (my doggo included) I love. We only live once (or, at least, we tend to forget about our past lives?) and maybe I won’t live mine to the fullest of its capabilities (your bitch is broke), but that won’t stop me from going out there when I can.

Special shout out to my cousin for still being my inspiration -- and to Arianna for adding herself to the list. They’ll never see this post and read my appreaciation, but it’s also thanks to them that the bitch inside me is thriving.

To end this rant I’d like to thank the friends that’ve been walking this path with me, most of all Ty aka Fran Fine (lol, you’re still saved like that on my phone) and Claudia for sharing it and also sharing things and experiences with me. Knowing you’re not completely alone in this truly is a good feeling and a blessing.

My next goal is to find a balance between being there for myself and being there for my friends. I’m sure I’ve seemed a bit detatched lately, but it’s only been because I’ve been trying to figure my shit out. March and April (all the way through to December) will be better, I promise 💛

There’s a lot more I’ll remember only after hitting ‘post,’ but these are the very highlights of my journey so far and I really wanted to share also bc this bitch needs to be kept accountable.

Kudos to you if you made it past the ‘read more’ thing and then to the end of this very rambly post. If you want to share your progress in this Bitch Project thing, feel free to hit me up; we can cheer each other up!

Much love,

Angela

#angelaiswriting #Personal Update #personal #the bitch project #the year of the bitch #the bitch is rising

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blapisblogs · 4 years

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Oh god... Yeah, right after the in-video ad break, we’re hit with this: Doug Walker dressed like a Nazi with a smudged dotted line around his face and the words “person you hate” written on his forehead in sharpie. Dude, if this moment didn’t make you stop and wonder what the fuck happened with your life to bring you to this moment, then it damn well should’ve been.

Before you ask if this was based on something from the film or album, yes, but as usual there’s context for it. It’s difficult for me to explain, but in short the idea is that Pink’s attempt to build a metaphorical wall between himself and everyone else is making him more and more mentally unsound, right up to the point where after he’s forced to be drugged up for one of his shows he hallucinates himself as a fascist (the very thing his father died fighting against), the fans his zealous followers, and his concerts rallies where he encourages violence against marginalized groups. This goes on for a few songs with the violence and threats escalating in each one, and by the end of the last one he’s ranting and raving incoherently on a megaphone until the hallucination ends as he shouts for it all to stop, finally realizing how dangerous the things he’s been doing to himself are. It’s disturbing, and intentionally so. That’s what I got out of both the album and the film anyway. I have no clue what Doug Walker got out of this part of the film, though, because these next two parody songs have almost nothing to do with it. The first one mentions it so people will know that it’s a parody of something from the film, but that’s about it, and the second one doesn’t mention anything about the film or album at all.

The next two parodies are of “In the Flesh” (the reprise), and “Waiting for the Worms”, neither of which I will post links to based on what I explained earlier, but if you want to look them up yourself I will warn you that there are things said there that are identical to things the Nazis have said and done, and use words like “queers” and others that I dare not say nor want to. (Also, yeah, they didn’t include “Run Like Hell”, presumably because Doug couldn’t think of another full parody’s worth of “fuck you, haters” for it.) In the parody of the former, Doug addresses his crowd of followers, which are the same five people copy-pasted onto the screens of multiple devices (I can’t tell if that’s supposed to be intentional commentary or Doug didn’t have enough people willing to work with him to pull off what he wanted for this), in a place called the “Echo Chamber”.

Yes, really.

It’s supposed to be commentary on how bad callout/outrage/cancel/purity/whatever-we’re-calling-it-this-month culture can be, but considering who this is coming from, what his own fans are like, and the rest of the presentation in this “review” it comes off more like “technology bad” and “social media bad”. Worse than that, the latter parody song is still about callout/outrage/cancel/etc. culture, only now it’s even more apparent that this is his way of commenting on the Change the Channel movement. This isn’t just me saying this either, other people have taken note on it as well, including people who didn’t even completely hate Doug Walker after the Change the Channel thing happened. I’ve seen one person try to (rather weakly) argue that it wasn’t trying to mock the Change the Channel movement, but even if one were to give them the benefit of the doubt and they weren’t making fun of that, then 1: they still should’ve known that doing something like this was going to get people to draw comparisons to said movement whether it was intended or not, and 2: it’s still absurdly over-the-top and out of touch with why “outrage/cancel/callout/whatever culture” has become a thing. It’s about as subtle as, well, a hammer to the face. (Speaking of which, the hammers for this parody are used to make hashtags instead of an ‘x’ and instead of chanting “Pink Floyd” or “Hammers” the fans chant “hashtag”. I’ve been sitting here for five minutes trying to think of how to comment on this, but all I can do is put a hand up to my face like Captain Picard in those memes, I think that says it all.)

This message of “technology and social media bad” is so ridiculously passé at this point that it’s laughable, and yet it seems like Doug Walker is under the impression that he’s saying something new and brilliant. This is also a truly bizarre message to be hearing from a guy who had so much success with his internet career that he quit his previous job to pursue it full-time. You know, that career that’s dependent on technology. (Also, Doug, social media itself didn’t cause those problems with said internet career: that was all you.)

The sad part is that for this sequence we get some brief scenes with actually good CGI of things like marching smartphones (identical to the original’s marching hammers) and a decently-animated 2-D(-ish?) sequence of a six-fingered hand coming up from the ground and forming into a hammer much like something that happened during part of the film (not this part specifically, but a part). It’s weird in context, but these animated parts look far better than any of the other effects that were used earlier. I’m guessing the guest person who made the effects I’ll talk about later also animated this (at least the CGI bits; as I said earlier, the 2-D-ish parts look so suspiciously close to the original that I have to wonder if they were traced over for this). While it is good, that just makes me wonder that if they were hired to make the animation in this part then why didn’t Doug let them animate the black eagle scene for the “Goodbye Blue Sky” parody section too? He clearly had the time and budget to get a talented animator to do this stuff for him, so why not fully use them?

Also, I swear one of the visuals looks more like a mashup between something from the opening of Phantom of the Paradise and The Wall than anything actually from The Wall alone. Maybe Doug and/or the person animating this got their rock operas momentarily mixed. Maybe they did this on purpose to mess with people. Maybe my brain’s making up this shit because a Phantom of the Paradise/The Wall double feature sounds infinitely better than this “review”. Maybe the headache I’ve gotten while watching this dumpster fire is fucking with me. I don’t know.

[Lyrics (and snark) below the cut]

Oh yeah, I’m the P-Person you all think you know That sucks up all your angst and confusion I’m that nameless foe, huh!

[Oh, so you are trying to do an impression of Bob Geldof. ...It shouldn’t take me over half-way into the “review” to figure out for sure that’s what you’re doing. Or did you choose to only actually do an impression of him for just this one part? I can’t even fathom almost any of Doug’s thought process for this “review” anymore.]

I’ve got some weird news for ya, sunshine, This was dissin’ Thatcher’s administration

[So I have seen Wikipedia mention that at least some people have either interpreted or used this part as commentary on Margaret Thatcher, and I don’t know enough about UK politics to dispute whether it was intentional or not. What bothers me is that if this was intentional, then how did Doug pick up on this? That would mean that he either caught this but somehow didn’t pick up on any of the other, more obvious things in this film that doesn’t have “the slightest bit of subtlety”, or he researched this and only this. Or it was a random guess he made that happens to coincide with what some others have interpreted from this part. Who knows.]

But it’s vague enough to put anyone you fear - Politician, showman - just put their face here!

[Uh... Are you talking about how someone edited this part of The Wall so that it was Drumpf in there because of how much he talks about his stupid wall? ...You are aware that the entire point of the film and album is that those kind of walls aren’t good and should be broken down, right? You know that Roger Waters himself openly despises Drumpf, right? ...Right?]

Are there any authority figures in the crowd tonight? Well put them in The Wall! (Get. Them. All.) That one’s looking stressed, he wants to feel oppressed Put him in The Wall! (Post. His. Balls!)

[Oh yes, The Wall - a film about the cycle of abuse and the effects it has on people and how taking self-isolation to its most extreme is unhealthy for the health of one’s self as well as those around them, among many other things - is something that adults don’t take seriously, not like this web video that has lines talking about people posting some dude’s balls on social media for shits and giggles. (In case you couldn’t tell that was sarcasm.)]

And that one looks sheltered, like she never leaves her room I’ll be that friend that you can blame for all your gloom That one looks like he really wants to be outraged! Now with social media, you have the stage!

[...You know, as awful as the previous songs in this “review” were, at least they were about the film and album. This, however... What even is this?]

(This is the part where the five-person audience starts chanting “hashtag” which goes on until Doug and his two goons run outside, run back inside due to it being too bright out, and then start the next parody. There’s not much to comment on for that, it’s just stupid.)

[End “In the Flesh” parody, begin “Waiting for the Worms” parody]

(One, two, three, post it!) Ooh, you can’t convince me now Ooh, I’m too far on my side Goodbye, nuance I never will abide

[You are not one to talk about nuance, not regarding this film or album, and certainly not about the Change the Channel movement, which this parody is pretty transparently about as we’ll see soon enough.]

It’s us vs. them, I don’t even know who us or them are

[“Us and them, and after all we're only ordinary men.” Come on, man, I know it’s not from The Wall, but the opportunity was right there. Actually, since Rob Walker is there as the Charts Guy (a recurring character in Doug’s reviews), you could’ve even thrown in a “Have a Cigar” reference if you wanted (also not from The Wall, but still). I know at this point I’m nitpicking, but I’m forcing myself to watch a “review” where a guy dressed himself like a Nazi to make a blatant “take that” statement against his “haters” without understanding and/or caring why the Nazi comparisons were there in the original; if Doug Walker doesn’t give a shit about those kind of details, then why should I.]

I just wanna be angry so I can be (Tweeting) About those who hate me (Tweeting) I need their attention (Tweeting) Love me or hate me, just look at me more

[Sadly one can’t say that this train wreck of a “review” didn’t make at least some people look at Doug Walker again even after they didn’t want to.]

(Tweeting) Whatever side you choose, just don’t ever wane (Tweeting) Waiting for the point

[I’d joke about how that’s how most people felt about the video at this point, but everyone has made that joke already. Everyone.]

Don’t fear that you’re wrong Just fight until the end, my friend

[At this point I could just say “Okay, Boomer” at every line in these two parody songs and it’d be about as meaningful as all of Doug’s comments about the actual film. Remember, the film he’s parodying here and supposed to be reviewing (allegedly)? The film he’s not mentioned once in this particular parody?]

All you need to do is fight off something Don’t worry! As long as you don’t see me as human, You can hate me all you want! Because remember, this can never happen to you! I’m bad! You’re good! The more extreme you can get the more happy you’ll become! They’ll put that person whose face you hate here, and tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!

[...Doug, please tell me you didn’t have these parody songs in mind first as a sort of rebuttal against your detractors and then used it as an excuse to make a “review” for the actual film in this style as well as a whole parody album of it...

Also, this may be another nitpick, but towards the end the guys aren’t even “marching” in time to the music. Because of course they’re not.]

#Blapis tears down NC's The Wall #Nazi mention //#long post #bold text warning #eye strain //

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madamspeaker · 7 years

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In which I rant about my landlady.

I don’t normally do personal posts on here but I’ve sort of reached the stage of just needing to rant somewhere about the situation I’m in. Suffice to say, if something seems too good to be true, then take it as a given that it is indeed not true.

I thought I’d found a pretty perfect living situation for myself back in January. I had previously lived with another live-in landlady, but I had to move home for a time and so eventually she had to rent my room out to someone else. Which is how I found myself flat searching for a place in December that I could move into come January when I started at the NT. I thought I’d done pretty good with the place I’d discovered. Decent rent, nice area (just down the road from where I had lived), great travel links by both Tube and bus, and a few famous neighbours on the next street too. And the landlady seemed pretty nice; a former stage manager, who had at one time worked at the NT when it was still at the Old Vic. So yeah, it felt like kind of a perfect situation. Boy was I wrong. The trouble with viewing flats on your own and with a time scale on moving is that invariably you’re so anxious to find somewhere that you don’t take everything in as you should. On reflection, the closed door to the living room should have been the red flag that something was amiss, because I only discovered after moving in that I’m stuck with a pathological hoarder (among her other “qualities”). The living room is just… well, she doesn’t allow me to enter it, and to be honest I don’t want to either, but from the door way I can see enough to know that it’s probably not been vacuumed since the 90s, and that there’s only about 10% of the carpet visible now. The rest is covered in books, leaflets, junk mail circulars, cat stuff, dvds, and a bloody great big pot plant that has no business being inside, and frankly looks like it agrees with me - I’m fairly sure it’s dead or close to it. The kitchen is no better. Awash with paper, her clothes, supposedly drying but which in fact never get moved (this also includes her swim suit, which frankly makes my skin crawl), and an assortment of bottles on both shelves and on the floor which appear to have been stationary for years given the amount of encrusted dust on them. The bathroom is likewise awful - with the tops of the cabinets etc. again covered in a thick layer of dust so old that it won’t budge. Oh and there’s a corner with mold that I’m reasonably sure is past the stage that bleach could clean. The dirt is appalling; this woman lives like the worst of teenage boys, but then to add insult to injury she has a go at me for the tiniest of “offenses”. I’ve been lectured, bordering on shouted at for mis-folding and mis-hanging the bath mat, for leaving a few drips of water from my hair on the bathroom floor, for a single spark of water on the bathroom cabinet mirror. She actually stuck a post-it note on the cabinet with an arrow drawn on it pointing out the single water drop mark, whilst the same cabinet has a layer of dust on the top of it so damn old now that it’s encrusted on there. Among my other offenses; my hair apparently clogs the vacuum cleaner - it’s remarkable that she actually owns one because I can’t see what’s she’s actually cleaned with in the last decade. She again got extremely narky with me when I asked her to turn the heating on one night - it turns out she switched it off in March after one single good day of weather. Her response to my request was to tell me to go put on a couple of sweaters and then to throw a blanket at me. Today, she accused me of leaving my laundry in the dryer for “hours”. It was in there all of 1 hour and 38 minutes, which is standard given the program only runs for 1 hour and 45. And then I made the woeful mistake of knocking over a small watering can that was sitting on the window ledge, which I had to reach over to close the window (long story short, I have to feed a pipe like thing from the dryer out the window to get rid of the dryer air, so when I went to close the window, I unfortunately knocked the can over). Her reaction was what I can only liken to that of someone who had seen someone pour acid all over their floor. I was cursed and shouted at - she banged things, seethed, basically acted like a bad tempered child throwing a tantrum. She just a deeply unpleasant woman - bad tempered, with the shortest fuse I’ve ever known, and more than likely with some mental health issues, because I have no idea how a woman who lives as she does, in the dust that she does, can turn around and say to me with a completely straight face, “there is nothing sitting around here gathering dust”. EVERYTHING IS SITTING AROUND GATHERING DUST!!! So here I am - with just over two months left on my lease and wishing the weeks would fly by. She’s buggering off with a few days next week, and then for three weeks in mid-May. I can’t wait. I used to think the dirt was the worst thing - but at least I can keep my own room clean to my standards - actually the worst thing is her. I’ve taken to referring to her as Miss Havisham to friends, because essentially that’s what her flat feels like, but it’s her attitude, her personality that is the single most awful thing. She’s permanently moody. The slightest thing sets her temper off. I’ve heard her scream at customer service people, who I know did nothing bad to her. She rants and raves about the smallest of things - she consistently imposes a double standard where by I have to live by the strictest of rules regarding things like water droplets on mirrors, but her layers of years old dust I have to put up with (you have no idea how much I want to get a bottle of bleach and just wash everything). Oh and I know for a fact that she regularly goes into my room when I’m not in. She even walked in this morning, waking me up. She forgot it was my day off work, and had clearly fancied another snoop. She got a surprise when she found me still in bed. The thing is, I don’t think I’m that bad a tenant. I feel like I am with her because she’s constantly at me, but I’m really not that obtrusive. I don’t cook in her place (I’d want to scrub the kitchen down several times before attempting to cook anything). I’m always on time with the rent, and basically use the bathroom, washing machine, dryer, and stick to my room the rest of the time when in. I try to live by her rules as best I can, including towel drying the shower every sodding morning, but somehow she’s managed to find fault every week, and I’m at the stage of being so sick of it, so sick of being a proverbial punch bag for her. She clearly doesn’t like living with someone else, so why she advertised for a tenant I’ll never know. But at least I now have a very good understanding of why the previous girl left. And the ones before that.

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