#(remy uses babey completely platonically btw)

[fakeloveaskblog]

(my heat bRoke in seven different ways reading that oh my god)

hey janus! hi. uh. do you perhaps have a uh nice message for remy? something hopeful, etc etc. just...i really think they need it right now.

‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾

remy. you may be asleep, if so you'll hear this in some weird drug dream, i'm not completely sure right now, nothing seems to be in my control at the moment. i'm just here to remind you that i do have the power to help you.

i have the power to move you and your belongings, you have options, you have friends and you can have hope.

also consider that i can keep virgil extremely safe. i suppose we all can. also, virgil uhm...may need help. whilst it be therapy or more...drastic...measures...he'll be safe under our collective, begrudging, protection.

now please dont feel pressured at all, you are always under your free will and have every right to ignore my stupid face, but at the same time...he hit you! ((and worse but i dont want to overly upset them)) i cant...i cant just sit around and give to inspiring quotes or some shit, that wont do anything. i'm not good at this.

from someone with a trauma packed past, i can help. whatever you need. i dont care if it seems small. please tell me, just...we're all here. for you.

im sorry i havent been very comforting at all. i am, however, learning to sew plushies! or trying to. don't ask the science behind a sewing snail-

-🐌🕸

(>:D)

Tw: drug use, there are like 2 sentences with transphobia in them

Janus looked up from the stack of books he was sorting "A nice message?" He thought for a bit "Well I believe this is a quite well known fact so they might have heard this before, but the body completely renews itself slowly over a 7 year cycle. So it's truly never too late to change since the body never stops changing either. The traces from someone hurting you will disappear, even if it takes time, it will be gone eventually"

They looked like they were about to explode if they didn't get to blurt out this next part.

"Also I miss them a lot and I hope they're feeling okay and I hope they're not going through a flare up and every time I walk past a bakery I get the urge to go in and buy them a bunch of tasty lil cute cakes...Yeah"

They set the books back into the bookcase before suddenly stopping midmotion and turning to you.

"Wait- Why would Remy need that sort of message right now? Are they okay? Please tell me they're okay"

--

Remy wasn't asleep but they sure were high. They were sitting on the floor in the living room with the side of their head leant against the coffee table. Some ketamine had smeared down onto their lips. Their skull felt like it was filled with a bunch of very very small fireworks all going off constantly. They could almost see the lights in front of them.

It also gave them a massive headache, but they couldn't feel it so it was fine. They couldn't feel the joint pain or the aching around their neck or the bruises on their body. The sounds coming from the kitchen was far away and so distorted it was making them giggle.

They'd woken up at around 5 this morning to puke. They'd found new bruises around their neck and wrists and Virgil babbling on about how he had to go visit his parents and they had had exactly 0 memories of what had happened the night before. They didn't ask about it. Maybe it was for the best not to remember. Even if it was making terror run up their spine just thinking about how they didn't know.

When they saw your shell sticking up on the other side of the table soon followed by your big eyes they managed to let up into a smile. A small pool of warm snail goo came onto the table and they gladly dunked their tired eyes right into it.

"something is always in your control babey” They replied as your message began “You can control whenever the fuck you wanna like smile. or like shoplift. very important! remember that! never lose hope!!" Their voice was much higher than usual.

Their smile went stale as you brought up how to help. They sunk in a little on themself.

"I-" They hesitated "Viv- Virgil making sure we're away from each other for a few days is a good sign isn't it? Maybe he'll change! maybe everything will like go back to normal! He loves me and I love him and-" His threat about killing himself echoed in their mind "And I'm so scared"

They moved a little closer and leant their head against your shell. Just being near you made the deep fog in their mind light up a little for just a moment. For a moment they remembered how Virgil acted even before strangling them. The dismissive silences. The deafening yells. The constant minimizing until they were too afraid to ask something as simple as help in getting out of the shower.

They wondered if there even was a "normal" they wanted to go back to.

"I need a pen" They whispered to you.

Within seconds a pen had appeared in their hand. They scribbled down on the inside of their wrist a few quick words about what you'd just said.

"Sorry I'm like really really stupid right now. Even more stupid than usual. If I don't write it down I'm like def gonna forget" They mumbled this next part to themself "hope...i can have...hope"

They hesitated to write down that they had friends that could help. They put the pen down and looked to you.

"You sure I have friends?....I mean....I mean I know Jannie likes me...but" Their shoulders started to shake "What if Viv is right about them. What if they only want me for- for THAT!? And Remus- I haven't spoken to him for months! What if he's like forgotten about me! Or has stopped giving a shit about me at all! I bet that if I like tried to call him it would be like super awkward and he would wanna hang up like immediately and like avoid me for the rest of forever!! Ugh I've screwed it up! I've lost him haven't I! And-"

They turned to look to the kitchen.

"Well I haven't asked him. I don't know if he counts as a friend yet. I hope he does"

They shook their head and turned back to writing on their skin. A breathe of relief left their lips when they heard you could keep Virgil safe. They wrote that up on their wrist as well.

"Oh babey you don't got a stupid face, and you are good at this I tots promise you that. You feel real safe and like soft even if like 75% of you is like a super hard shell....Sometimes I....Sometimes it's good to hear someone say the quiet parts out loud....like just hearing someone say that Viv....that he hit me.....it makes me feel less like....insane....overemotional...and all that stuff....it makes it.....real.......it has to be real if i leave...If"

Remy reached out and held their hand gently against one of your snail eyes.

"Sweetie I'm sorry to hear 'bout your past. You didn't deserve any of it, that I'm sure of. If you're ever up for like a hug or anything just tell me. I might be a stick but I could probs fit you in my arms"

After you had asked if there was anything you could do to help they thought for a bit.

".....this is probs a stupid thing to ask....but could you somehow make it so one of the doors is lockable?....the bathroom is closest to the exit door so maybe that one? it would help with...with me feeling safe.."

They fumbled with their thumbs a little. It felt so silly to ask these kinds of things.

"And- And oh god you're gonna think I'm so fucking stupid for letting this happen but..but i don't know where like....all of my documents and stuff are.......i don't know where my credit card is.....where the doctor's note i need to take out my meds are.......i think Viv has them somewhere...he said i was unstable and stupid and that it was better if he took care of those kinds of things...I like obviously need that stuff if I'm gonna leave so uhm could you somehow like gather them up? I got a bag hidden in the closet, could you put them in there please?"

They hesitated before saying this last bit.

"Could you...This might be a big thing to ask....But....If I- If I l-leave....could you make sure Viv got therapy? Even if you have to force him there? Please it would...It would make me sleep bet-"

The door to the kitchen swung open and the man who functioned as Remy's dealer came out with a big plate.

"And here they are. All done. My wonderful empanadas"

He was about the same height as Remy but had a broader stature and a normal amount of muscles, making him look like a jacked beast in comparison to them. He had half long strawberry blond hair tied in a lazy ponytail. Light red freckles were scattered all over his face down to his shoulders and his brown eyes bordered on hazel. He had stick and poke tattoos all over his left arm and his clothes constantly smelt like cigarette smoke.

He made Remy scoot over before sitting down on the couch. They immediately curled up against his side and mushed their face against his arm.

"thanks for like coming over to help while Vivs away" They mumbled out.

"It was no bother really"

Remy took one of the empanadas and tried it. They got the urge to spit it out immediately afterwards. "Girl this tastes like shit"

The dealer snickered "Sorry. Seems like I lied about the wonderful part. I learnt the recipe from my ex. She told me they tasted good"

"Then she was a liar"

He moved his hand down to gently stroke his thumb against their cheek "Is the ket helping with the pain?"

"Mhm, thanks"

Surprising exactly no one Remy had gotten attached incredibly quickly to the dealer as soon as Virgil had allowed them to text him whenever they wanted. Only being with their abuser for most days was so isolating that every time the dealer had texted them it had felt like being washed over by a wave of comfort. It reminded them they were a real person and not just Virgil's partner.

Remy let him decide on a movie they could watch while eating. He took some bloody slasher from the 70's and laughed during every killing scene. Meanwhile Remy covered their eyes and cuddled closer to his warm skin to try and hide how they were shaking. He moved his arm around them and played with the loose parts of their hair.

Halfway through the movie he ran out to buy them both some chips and ice cream because neither of them had been able to finish any substantial amount of those horrid empanadas.

The credits were running when Remy let their head rest in his lap. They scratched at his tiny blond beard to annoy him. He just rolled his eyes and let them keep at it.

"Girlie-"

"Do I look like a girlie to you?" He replied "You need prescription contacts"

Remy laughed "I'm just...I'm just wondering bout stuff"

"You becoming a philosopher over here?"

"No. Im just...if I ever had to like leave suddenly...I'm like wondering if you would...If you would be okay with me like staying at your place for a while? I'm just like checking my options"

A soft look came over his face. His lips dragged up into a small smile "Of course I'd let you stay. For however long you want. Though my apartment is kind of a shithole. Just a warning"

"Girl we got rats in the shower here. I ain’t looking for a 5 star hotel"

His brows furrowed just a bit in worry. He let his finger lightly run across the bruise around their neck "Is there any reason you would want to leave?"

It took all of their power to not flinch away "Girl oh my gosh!!! Don't be so like tots silly!!!!" They replied in a forcibly higher pitch "There ain't no reason!!! I'm just like uh I just enjoy sleeping around!! You know me!! Sleeping around in uh people's uh beds!! Y'know my body is like toooottttsss fucked up. I bruise like soooo easilllyyyyyyy. Me and my Vivsie can't do annnnnything interesting in bed without me looking like I was halfway to getting murdered!!"

He didn't look convinced. He only let out a short "Sounds rough"

"It is!!"

He scooted them away again and got up "Actually Remy I've been meaning to give you something"

Remy giggled to themself "Is it a hard cock? JUST Kidding!!! ONly kidding!! I couldn't like help myself. Also I'm high on ketamine"

"You are, exactly. And this thing mixed with ket is great I promise" He went out to the kitchen and got a glass of water. Obviously it wasn’t just a normal glass of water "It isn't dangerous to mix it. I know this kind of stuff so you don't have to worry your pretty little head about it. Okay?"

"Okay"

He sat down close to them and held the glass up to their lips. They put their hand on top of his and met his eyes as they drank. The water tasted weirdly salty, almost bitter.

"It might take a bit to set in" He said as he put the glass aside.

He moved his arm around their shoulders and put on a short horror film while they waited. When Remy started to go numb in his arms and their eyelids started to go down he let them lean their head against his thigh.

"You feeling okay deary?" He asked.

They opened their mouth to respond and this exact slurred mess came out "i gho lekuf fkty"

They shook their head and blinked repeatedly to try and clear their head but somehow the fireworks still going off in their mind had turned hazy and blurred. A fog surrounded them.

"Oh wow. That started acting FAst. You've never been on that before huh"

"i fheel so so blur" Remy managed to get out.

"Mhm. I wasn't lying about letting you stay at my place but I do have some questions. I'll start with the easy one. What's your real name? 'Cause I’m sure 'Remy' isn't"

"....remington" They replied after a few seconds as if they actually had to think about it.

"No. No deary I mean your original name. Your birth name"

Remy stared up at him with a confused look for a long while before slurring out their deadname.

"Thanks deary. That does suit you better. It's such a shame" He ran his hand up and down their arm "You're such a pretty boy"

He ran his hand down to their bruised wrist and held it up to look at the now purple skin.

"You want to tell me why you actually got these bruises?"

Remy's eyes were half closed as they shook their head.

"Oh c'mon deary. I'm only asking because I'm worried. I care about you"

Just trying to think was giving Remy a headache. Their jaw was almost slack as they started to slur out "vivssie virgegil he strangel and he-"

They went on explaining the bruises. Explaining exactly what had happened. Tears went down their cheeks just talking about it but they didn't notice. Until their eyelids turned too heavy to hold open.

--

The birds were singing outside and the sun was blinding by the time Remy woke up. They were so sweaty their body was sticking to the couch and their head felt like it had been filled with cotton. As soon as they even tried to turn their head intense nausea filled their entire throat.

A blanket had been laid over their slightly twitchy body. A bucket had been set right by the couch and on the coffee table was a glass of orange juice along with a sandwich and a note.

Remy saw your snail eyes sticking up right beside the couch and they shone up into a relaxed smile.

"Babey, you're still here. Right we were-"

It felt like a shot of lightning came down into their skull as they tried to remember the previous night. All they could piece together was hazey memories of your conversation and then the dealer stepping into the room. After that everything was just....Blank.

They reached out and took the note. It was sweet and short. Telling them to have a good breakfast and saying sorry for him having to hurry off to work. Lastly there was a short explanation about how Remy had apparently told him about their sleeping problems last night and he'd gotten them some sleeping pills which they hadn't reacted well too. So if they were feeling groggy or nauseous that was why.

Remy pressed the note close to their chest and smiled. When they saw the way you were looking they blushed a little.

"Babey don't look at me like that! I ain't crushing! He's like over 30 which is like right at the edge of the age I could even consider. I'm only enjoying having a friend okay" They weren't lying.

They saw their wrists and the scribbled down notes on it. They froze just a little. Their gaze landed on the door leading out of the apartment. They were all alone. Nothing was stopping them. If they wanted to they could just...leave.

"You can keep Viv safe. You can make sure he stays safe. You can make sure me leaving doesn't break him" They mumbled to themself.

They gritted their teeth together and sat up in the couch.

"Oh but what if- No Viv won't change- But he's trying- But he has hurt me for years- Maybe I can survive through it if I got a locked door to hide behind- I shouldn't have too survive! But I love him!"

Remy crumbled in on themself. Their hands tangled into their hair and they leant forward so their forehead leant on the couch. Tears started to pool at the edges of their eyes.

Angry tears.

"I'm so tired of having to fucking survive! I'm so tired of having to fucking love him!"

They gripped onto their cane and forced themself up on their shaky legs. Every step made whimpers from pain leave their lips. The furious tears rolled down their cheeks.

"I'm so tired of this shitty apartment! I'm so tired of having my cane taken from me! I'm so tired of my actual physical fucking pain being ignored!"

They leant their other arm onto the hallway wall as they forced themself forward.

"I'm so tired of having to drag myself out of the shower! I'm so tired of him treating every single one of his insults like jokes! I'm so tired of him thinking fucking will fix every one of our issues! I'm so tired! I'm so tired! I'm so fucking tired!"

Remy held their hand against the door leading out of the apartment. The wood was cold against their skin. The key was sitting in the lock. All they had to do was turn it and they could leave. Nothing was stopping them. No one was stopping them.

Their breathe stopped in their throat. They couldn’t breathe. It turned into hyperventilating. Their whole body started to shake and they couldn’t breathe! 

"I'm....I'm so weak"

The tears had dried on their cheeks. They leant their forehead against the door and collapsed onto their knees. The cane fell down against the ground behind them.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You- You've all been trying so hard an-and I stay pathetic and weak and I can't even open a door" They banged their forehead against the wood "I can't even open a fucking door!"

Remy moved their arms around themself and closed their eyes as tightly as they could. The hyperventilating didn’t stop.

"I'm so weak and pathetic and stupid and I'm so scared of who am I without him. I'm so scared of not loving him. I'm so scared of leaving him just to discover that Jan- That Rem- That I have no one who loves me left"

Every bruise on their body ached. Their neck ached. They wrists ached. Their cheek ached. Every little fingerprint Virgil had left on them ached.

"My dad abused me. He hit me all my childhood...And now...And now Virgil is...What if I'm just made for this? What if I was born to- to be used- to be some thing people can take their anger out on- What if I leave and- and I end up in another- What if I just keep being abused? What if it doesn't matter if I leave? Maybe Virgil is the best I'll ever get? Maybe people can just instantly tell I'm made for this- what if- What if Janus takes me in and then- and he starts- he uses me as well? There's no end to it. I'm made for it. It doesn't matter. I'm just too weak. I can't do this. I can't. I can't!"

#(remy uses babey completely platonically btw) #the mental image of a snail hard at work sewing is so funny fdhjkhk #thanks for the ask mdude <3 #ask #🐌🕸️ #it feels like the dealer was just veery randomly inserted in here #sorry #it will uhhh make more sense later why hes here??? hopefully