The Meaning of Home: Chapter 21
The Meaning of Home
Chapter 21
Tags for all Welcome to PHU novels will be available at the PHU tag list on Pillowfort. This list is under construction as of Sept. 5, 2021.
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Chelsea knocks on the door just as Pawel is getting ready to leave with Emma and Conor, so Pawel packs her into the car along with the kids. When they get to Colt and Leo’s house, the minivan and SUV are both there, along with a smaller, beat-up, dark red car that Pawel doesn’t recognize. As they all walk up the stairs to the house, Jaiden opens the door to look out.
“It’s not the pizza!” Jaiden yells over his shoulder. “It’s just Conor and Emma!” He lets the door go and it slams shut before Pawel reaches it.
Emma reaches to ring the doorbell. “It’s always like this,” she says sagely, as if Pawel and Chelsea haven’t already experienced the chaos multiple times.
The door is pulled open by a girl that Pawel doesn’t recognize. Her long pale hair is pulled back in a ponytail, her gaze wary as she looks at them. “Jaiden, you aren’t supposed to open the door,” she calls out.
“It was either pizza or Pawel,” Jaiden yells back from somewhere deeper in the house. “You should let them in.”
“Hi,” the girl says.
“That’s Hannah.” Emma pushes past, her bag over her shoulder and one hand tucked in Conor’s as she tugs him along. “You remember Conor. That’s Pawel, his dad, and Chelsea, his mom.”
“We’re not together,” Chelsea says, gesturing between herself and Pawel.
“That’s too much information to offer on a first casual meeting,” Pawel grumbles. Still, Hannah pulls the door open and he and Chelsea are able to come in just as Nevaeh slides into the entryway on stocking-feet.
“Hey, hi, Chelsea. We’ve got more help; Hannah and Liz came over. This is Hannah. She’s my best friend, and Liz is her older sister. She’s the one going to PHU in the fall.” Nevaeh points back towards the kitchen, where Pawel can see another girl standing with her back to them at the stove, her hair drawn up in a ponytail similar to Hannah’s. “Dad and Papa decided to order pizza, but we’re making choux pastries because Hannah wanted to try, and we’ve got a ton of different fillings for them. Come help.”
Hannah is left standing there with the door still held open as Nevaeh takes Chelsea to the kitchen. Pawel takes the door from her and gently closes it. “I’m not going anywhere until Leo and Colt are ready,” he says.
“You’re the guy who teaches at PHU,” Hannah says quietly. “Nevaeh said you’d help my sister.”
“If she wants me to, yes, I will. I’d be happy to help her find resources—”
“Thank you,” Hannah says solemnly. She turns and walks to the kitchen, leaving Pawel standing alone.
“Jennie!” Colt races into the entryway just as Alanna appears, her arms wrapped around Jennie’s shoulders. The scent of fruit mixes with honey and sugar from the open bag of donuts in Jennie’s hands, and the one caught tight in her teeth. A lion skids on the floor, raking claw marks into the wood as it growls.
He growls. That’s Leo. Of course that’s Leo.
“You’re beautiful,” Pawel says, which… this is not the time. Leo sits down abruptly and swivels to look at him, frowning a moment before arching one furred eyebrow. Do cats have eyebrows? He takes a step closer, and swears Leo sighs as he shakes his mane.
Jennie giggles brightly, and she and Alanna disappear again.
“Those were for breakfast!” Colt yells after her. “If you eat them now, you won’t have any tomorrow morning!”
Pawel sinks down in front of Leo. He shoves his hands into Leo’s mane as if he were truly just a large cat, scratching behind his ears. Leo’s rumbling purr shakes them both. “Do you ever win an argument with her?” Pawel murmurs, scratching just a bit harder.
Colt crouches next to him, one hand on Pawel’s back as if to balance them both. “Not since she learned how to talk, no,” he admits. “As soon as she could, she was climbing and walking, and then nothing sweet was ever safe again. Came downstairs one morning to find she’d climbed out of her crib and was on the top shelf of the pantry eating a box of cookies. She wasn’t even eighteen months old then.”
There has got to be a reason for that. Pawel makes another mental note to add to the spreadsheet later.
Leo shakes his mane, and a moment later Pawel’s hands are framing Leo’s very human face as Leo kneels on the floor. Pawel pushes back, fumbling for an apology as Leo laughs and shakes his head. “It’s fine,” Colt reassures him.
“Just give me one minute to make sure everything’s under control before we leave,” Leo says. He holds up a finger as if to say ‘hold that thought’ and heads for the kitchen. Pawel can hear the low rumble of multiple voices.
“We’re going to David’s,” Colt says. “You remember where that is, right?” He sits on a bench to one side of the door and pulls on shoes that were tucked beneath it.
David’s. Pawel definitely remembers it. He took Colt there for their one month anniversary back in high school—their first time out for dinner other than fast food. He’d discovered it because Leo’s family loved it and often went there as a group, and Leo had taken him there for their first actual date. “Right,” he says slowly, because that place is definitely steeped in history for all of them. “Yes, I remember David’s. Do you want me to drive?”
“I’d like to leave our cars here,” Leo says. “Just in case. Both Liz and Hannah already have their licenses, so if there’s an emergency they can take one of our cars. But in general, I’d rather not have them driving our massive crew of kids around, even with Chelsea to help them and Nevaeh out.” He slides his feet into a pair of slip-on sneakers. “Their dinner should be arriving soon, and I’ve ordered enough for a small army or at least several teenagers and Clan. If we’re lucky the house should still be standing when we return.”
“That’s what Colt said when we went out last weekend to get donuts,” Pawel comments as they usher him out the door.
“We can’t stop the chaos. All we can do is hope to control it. Or instill in them the idea that there are consequences if they overstep,” Colt says. He moves ahead with quick steps. “Shotgun.”
“Childish,” Leo retorts, but he takes the back seat of Pawel’s car.
Pawel buckles in and turns up the music to avoid conversation. His stereo is still set up for the playlist he’d made after getting back from Buffalo; Leo sings along with Lot 45 while reclining across the back seat.
“Shouldn’t you be setting a better example for sitting properly in a car, since you’re a cop now?” Pawel asks.
Leo hooks a thumb under the shoulder harness. “I’ve got my seatbelt on. I think I’ll be fine.”
Okay. Sure. Fine. Pawel can’t think of a safe topic for conversation, so he drums on the steering wheel as he drives. He heads out of town as if he were driving back to PHU; he really needs to remember that David’s is only forty minutes or so from his house back in Unity. Maybe a little longer, since it isn’t directly on the rural highway, but in a smaller neighborhood along the way. All of the parking is on the street, and he has to circle the block three times to find a spot.
Colt gets the door open before Pawel even has the engine off. “I’ll go make sure we’re still good on the reservation.” He crosses the street in a rush, aiming for the front door of the unassuming white duplex that has a single sign above the door proclaiming “David’s” in elegant script.
“We’re not actually late,” Leo calls after him. He shakes his head as he gets out. “He’s gotten worse about being on time since we got Matt. He’s always been anxious about it, but having to wrangle kids—and time being almost entirely out of his control—just keeps making it worse. Even when we’re on time, he’s not happy unless he’s at least ten minutes early.”
“I could’ve driven faster. Or gotten to your place earlier,” Pawel says.
“Could you have? You had to wait for Cap, and getting Conor and Emma moving is a trick sometimes. Then once you were at the house you were sucked into the chaos.” Leo shrugs, closing both his door and Pawel’s. He touches the small of Pawel’s back. “Come on. Colt’s probably waiting for us just inside now that he’s sure we haven’t lost our reservation.”
It’s not the same car. It’s not even the same time of year. Still, Pawel’s brain skips back in time to his freshman year of high school and being out with a senior—a guy old enough to have a license and access to his parents’ car—and the first time he walked up to this door. Leo holds it open, and when he smiles, Pawel almost thinks he’s taken the same trip down memory lane.
“So. Is this a favorite of yours still?” Pawel can see the entire first floor of the restaurant from the hostess podium, where Colt stands waiting for them. Pawel skims the space, half-expecting to see a stray Papa or two at one of the tables.
“She’s just gone to get us our bread and wine,” Colt says. “We’re at our usual table.”
“You have a usual table now?” Maybe favorite isn’t the right word. “Do you have weekly date nights?”
“Yes, the whole family still comes fairly regularly, our kids included. And yes, when we come on our own we have a favorite spot.” Leo touches Pawel’s back again, nudging for him to follow Colt. “It’s a booth at the back, near the doors to the gardens. In the summer they keep the doors open. In the winter we can still see outside.”
“And Leo gets to have his back to a wall, or as close as it can be in here,” Colt says. He gestures at the booth, and Leo slides into the bench first, Colt settling next to him. Pawel takes the other side, grateful that neither of them is squished up against him.
Of course, Leo has long legs, and Colt seems to be stretching out. Pawel isn’t sure how to sit comfortably without accidentally playing footsie.
“Colt told me you brought him here.” Leo grins. “Loved hearing how you learned your courtship technique from me. On the other hand, it meant it wasn’t nearly as impressive when I brought him here the first time, since you’d already spoiled him.”
Pawel swallows, trying to think of the two of them a few years younger, both earnestly nervous and getting to know each other. “So. First date here?”
“You know, that means we all had our first big dates together here,” Colt says idly. “You and Leo. Me and you, then me and Leo. Seemed like the right place for all three of us to go.”
“Here’s the wine you requested.” The waitress is right there, smiling brightly as she places a bottle and three glasses on the table. The young man behind her slides a basket of garlic bread on the corner, and a small stack of three plates. The waitress hands out menus. “I’m Becca, and I’ll be taking care of you tonight. Is there anything you’d like while you’re trying to decide what to have?”
“Calamari,” Leo says. “You still like it, right, Pawel?”
“This place has the best calamari,” Pawel admits.
“I’ll tell the chef. There’s a slip with the specials right there, and I’ll be back with your calamari soon. Take all the time you need making your decisions. If you have any questions, just get my attention and I’ll be right over.” Becca turns and is gone, the young man in her shadow trailing along behind.
The wine is new, but otherwise this is all too reminiscent of those early dates. “We waffled over whether to get the garlic bread,” Pawel remembers. He tugs the basket close and rips off a chunk of the fragrant, cheese-covered bread. He glances at Leo. “You said that you were going to kiss me, so as long as we both ate the same garlic, it didn’t matter.”
Colt snickers. “And then you used almost that exact same line on me.”
Pawel feels the heat in his cheeks. “I had to pretend I knew what I was doing somehow. You were… everything I wasn’t. I was awkward then. Still am.”
“I didn’t bother asking when I brought Colt here; I just ordered it. I figured it was a good test of whether he could look past something as superficial as garlic breath.” Leo hands a hunk of bread to Colt on a plate, then takes his own. He grins before he takes a bite. “We weren’t thinking about garlic by the end of the date.”
Colt and Leo kissing. They must have. Obviously. Oh, in fact… there they go. Colt has both hands on Leo’s face, turning him so he can lean in and brush his lips against his. Leo’s hand slides behind Colt’s neck, cradling him as he deepens the kiss.
Pawel grabs the bottle of wine, splashing it into the three glasses to give himself something to do.
“Nevaeh set an appointment for her driving test.” Colt takes the glass Pawel nudges toward him. “I’m taking that afternoon off, so I need to make sure I’ve got the minivan that day. She’s more comfortable in that than in the SUV.”
“When is it?” Pawel takes a sip of the wine. It’s good. Clear and clean and crisp, and a little hint of sweet that lingers in his mouth after he swallows.
“Two more weeks, so she’ll need to get the rest of those night hours in before then.” Colt tips his glass toward Pawel in a silent toast. “Thanks to you, she’s more comfortable behind the wheel. Sometimes it helps to have an extra person around.”
“It always helps when the kids outnumber the adults.” Leo sips at his wine. “When are you available?”
This is easy to talk about. He doesn’t need to feel awkward when discussing the kids. “I think my suggestion of having Nevaeh drive myself and Duke to taekwondo might be good,” Pawel says slowly. “And if we take your van, then if any of the other children would like to go, we could manage that as well. Although the children’s classes are before the teen and adult classes. I don’t think anyone else is old enough yet.”
“That’s a plan. We’ve also got the weekends. Just spend more time at the house and you’ll be all set.” Colt sets down his glass when Leo touches his hand. “What?” Leo shakes his head slightly. Colt glances up. “Fine. Leo, I sent you an appointment to go look at a house on Sunday. Want to join us, Pawel?” He keeps speaking over the low growl from Leo. “It’s out this way—actually even further from the center of town. We’re trying to find something where we can get a large house and a decent amount of land. Or even a house we can build onto; I think we can create what we want if we’re willing to put in the work.”
“How much land are you thinking of buying?” Pawel can’t imagine that rodent shapeshifters need much space, but Leo would probably like somewhere to run.
“The place we’re looking at first has sixty-seven acres of undeveloped land.” Colt takes a bite of his bread. “It says it can be built on as long as it remains under single ownership.”
“This is the one with six bedrooms, right?” Leo asks.
“Five. The one with six only had thirty acres, and it was fifteen minutes further out. I figured a thirty minute commute to work is already long enough.” Colt shrugs. “On the other hand, the other one would be fifteen minutes closer to Pawel. It’d be easier for Conor to visit.”
That opens so many questions in Pawel’s mind. “You’re moving closer to Unity? But your jobs and the kids’ schools are—”
“If we move over the summer, they’ll be ready to start their new schools in the fall,” Leo says. “Except for Nevaeh. We’ve already made arrangements for her to finish out here, since she only has the one year left. But yes, we’re moving closer to Unity. It’ll be good as the kids start heading for college. Nevaeh, at least, has her sights set on PHU.”
“What if the other kids don’t want to—”
“We’ll look into it when we decide on a place,” Colt says. “The school districts are small and sometimes allowances can be made. This house is actually in a town that doesn’t have a district of its own; we’ll be able to choose between three districts, none of which are convenient to home.”
Pawel laughs, trying to think of them spreading out over that much land. “You can build more houses. It’s like you’re setting up your own Mage or Clan community.”
Leo and Colt look at each other. “It’s not like that,” Leo says slowly. “It’s exactly that. My parents will be old enough to need help someday, and if we have enough land, we can build a place for them. Same with Colt’s parents. It’d be good to have our families all together. It takes a village, and we’ve got more than enough kids for an entire village to take care of. It’ll also make it easier if we need to take in more kids.”
They would have loved Havenhill, and the way the Alia of that other world took in every Talented person who could make their way to her. “Ah,” Pawel says. “I should—or perhaps you should—there are people you might want to talk to. Another Clan community in the area, and a Mage community a few hours from here. One of my students knows several other communities, including one that is combined Talents, as well. I could introduce—”
“When we get to that point, sure,” Leo agrees.
“In the meantime….” Colt leans on the table, pointing at Pawel. “You could—” He stops abruptly, glaring at Leo. Pawel thinks he might have just been kicked under the table.
“On other topics, I think I’d like to have you talk to Del,” Pawel suggests. “When you get me that information on what was found at Emma’s home. She’s been searching through the Dreamscape, but isn’t entirely positive what she’s looking for, and it might help if she talked to you.”
“I’m not sure if it’d help, but I’d be happy to,” Leo agrees. He shifts in his seat, and Colt relaxes with a heavy sigh. “Look. Are you going to keep talking about the kids tonight? When we go out, usually we try to have time on our own and forget, just for a little while, about being parents. Do you ever get to do that with your friends?”
Pawel never sets aside the fact that he’s a single father. Even when he’s on a trip with the taekwondo team, he’s in contact with Conor. If he could have stayed in touch while in another world, he would have. “I don’t usually just go out for drinks,” he says. “There’s always a reason behind it.”
“There’s nothing wrong with ulterior motives.” Colt smirks, wincing and glaring at Leo a moment later.
“There have been no ulterior motives in years,” Pawel says dryly. He can’t remember the last time he was out on a date. “I’ve counseled students. Spent an evening with the parents of Conor’s friends—most a decade older than me. Leant an ear when needed to a friend. Discussed the end of the world and how to thwart it.”
“Are you sure?” Colt puts a hand up, and this time it’s Leo that glares at him. “Look, I—”
“You two are… it’s strange seeing the two of you together,” Pawel says. Colt lowers his hand, brow furrowing when Pawel gestures between the two of them. “I can see how in sync you are. I mean, yes, you’re kicking each other under the table like kids, but it’s obvious that you’ve been together a while. I might not know what conversations you’re having but I can see that you’re communicating without actually talking.”
“And you’re not listening,” Colt mutters.
Pawel sits back. “What am I supposed to be listening to?”
Colt and Leo exchange another look. Leo raises his eyebrows while Colt frowns. Colt lays his hand on the table, and Leo covers it, threading their fingers together. “Fine,” Colt says. “You disappeared.”
“I disappeared,” Pawel echoes. “Yes. It wasn’t intentional. And thank you again for helping my dad with Conor while I was gone.” Even if it means that somehow Conor has inserted himself into a second family that Pawel isn’t a part of.
“When we figured out what had happened, it terrified us,” Colt says quietly. “We offered your dad help, yes, but not just because he’s Leo’s captain. He’s your dad. And Conor’s your son.”
“Neither of you—”
“No.” Colt holds up one finger, pointing at Pawel. “No talking over me. No changing the subject. And no telling me what you think I’m saying. I’m going to be blunt.”
Pawel would think that blunt would mean that he’d have some idea where this is going. That assumption is wrong; he’s as confused as he was when Colt started. “I don’t understand.”
“We’ve noticed.” Leo’s hand tightens on Colt’s as Colt speaks. “When Leo and I met, we realized that we had you in common. That we’d both dated you in the past, and that you’d broken both our hearts.”
“We broke up because we—you—” It had been for practical purposes. First Leo left for school, then Pawel and Colt went in different directions. Long distance relationships were hard at that age.
“And we never heard from you again.” Colt points at where Leo’s phone lies on the table. “We have phones. Even a decade or more ago there were land lines. And email. And chat programs. You could have talked to us at any time. And… and we could’ve talked to you. We both know that. But it was less painful to just move on.”
“Exactly.” Pawel exhales. They understand why he walked away and didn’t look back. Good. Maybe they understand exactly how awkward and painful it is sitting here, across from them now. “And now you two have found each other. What?” he asks, when Colt rolls his eyes. Leo’s still silent, his gaze resting on Pawel.
“You’re still not listening to me. How blunt do I have to be? Do you have any idea what you—what we….” Colt cuts off, a hand over his face momentarily. “Yes, we lost touch. Yes, it was both of our fault. The point is: we didn’t forget you. We talked about you. We talked about how if we ever ran into you again we’d—” He cuts off wincing. “Fine. Not that blunt,” he mutters.
“The thing is,” he continues. “You disappeared and we thought you were gone forever. We’d just gotten Emma then, and with her parents disappearing and then you—we were afraid you were never coming back. We thought we were going to have to mourn you. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to kiss you or kill you if you managed to come back.”
Pawel thinks he might be saying… they might be saying… no, Leo hasn’t said a thing. It’s all Colt. Pawel looks to Leo, motions at him. “I don’t….”
“I don’t care that Colt kissed you,” Leo tells him. “I can’t fault him for doing something I spent an entire weekend wanting to do.”
“We’re good.” Colt holds up his hand joined with Leo’s. “Our marriage is fantastic. There is nothing you can do or say that’s going to break us up.”
“But while you’re here, we’d like to take you into our family as much as Conor’s become a part of it,” Leo says. “You’re welcome in our home. You’re welcome to be with us, and please, let us just try to take care of you since it seems like you don’t do enough of that yourself.”
“Take care of me… how?” Pawel sits back as a large basket of calamari is set on the table, steam rising fragrantly.
“Do you need anything else?” the waitress—what was her name?—asks.
Colt turns on a sweet, charming smile for her. “Not yet, thanks. I think we need some more time to figure out what we want to order. Since we’ve got the appetizers already, you don’t need to worry about us.”
“Of course. Just wave when you’re ready.” She heads to another table, her pad of paper in her hand as she cheerfully greets them.
“Pawel.” Leo lets go of Colt and reaches across the table, catching Pawel’s fingers in his. “We will take care of you any way you want us to.”
There are no words. “That… sounds like a proposition.”
“If that’s what you’d like.” Colt sits back, his legs stretched under the table and bumping into Pawel. He presses his ankle close. “We’ll take care of you any way you’re willing to let us.”
“I don’t want to come between you.” There, he’s said it bluntly. They’re married. They’re good together. They have a stable relationship and family and Pawel doesn’t want to risk breaking that up.
“I can think of several ways I’d like to have you between us.” Colt smirks, wiggling his eyebrows in a way Pawel remembers. It’s possibly the only unattractive thing he does—he tries to look seductive, and it just looks ridiculous. Even now, Pawel bites back a laugh.
Leo sighs. “I married that. Colt—Pawel’s shaking. I can feel it. Please try not to terrify him.”
Pawel isn’t shaking. Or well, he is. Possibly. Leo can probably smell the anxiety on him. He can’t just run out; he drove here and he isn’t abandoning them. “I’m just not sure….”
“You won’t come between us,” Leo says softly. His thumb slides over the back of Pawel’s hand. “We talked about this. We talked about you, and how we’d feel if you were gone. We were helpless to do anything. We both lost you once already, and we were gutted at the idea of losing you again. Then you came home and we saw that we had a chance to reconnect, so here we are. So. Just let us take care of you for the summer. Be a part of our family for now.”
Colt shifts his foot, pressing closer to Pawel. They’re anchoring him at the table, keeping him in place so he can’t run. He wants to run, even though it feels good here. Even though his heart is tripping in his chest, reminding him that these two men are the ones he regretted losing.
He carefully withdraws his hand from Leo’s and tucks his foot back away from Colt’s. “That’s a lot,” he says.
“The offer is on the table,” Colt counters.
“And tonight we can just have dinner, as planned,” Leo adds. “Colt will behave, and you can stop feeling guilty about the kiss.”
“Dinner,” Pawel echoes. He can handle dinner. He looks for the waitress, waiting until she glances their way before he raises a hand to capture her attention. He hasn’t even looked at the menu, but it can’t have changed that much. He knows what he wants; he’s been missing it for a long time now.
“Can I help you?” she asks, her pen poised over paper.
“I’ll have the chicken parmesan, and instead of pasta, I’d like ravioli on the side,” Pawel says. Across the table, Colt and Leo exchange fond grins, like he’s done something utterly predictable. Which he supposes he has, but by the time they are both done ordering familiar foods, Pawel realizes that the big differences between now and then are the years that have passed, the bottle of wine on the table, and the fact that all three of them are here together. A surprising amount is like old habits, comfortable and warm in the sameness that wraps around them.
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