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#25 soon and no job havent finished high-school i got no partner (plus i guess a virgin lol)
mrfoox
·
2 years
Text
Uh you ever.... Feel okay or pretty decent and then you remember your lifes circumstances and then you're at the verge of tears?
#miranda talking shit
#Maybe this is too specific but hah yeah ...
#I can feel okay and be like ah things are pretty good ! And then i remember how my life 'is' and im close to a breakdown
#Trying nit to compare myself to others and so on but like.... Its so hard not to lmao
#25 soon and no job havent finished high-school i got no partner (plus i guess a virgin lol)
#And all the things i havent done or experienced which is pretty universal? Yeah mmm... Ive lost so much of my time and life to mental
#Illness and i cant help but morn that. Like if i didnt have my child trauma id probably have a lot milder anxiety and depression which is
#Keeping from doing most things... Id still have my autistic and add struggles but i want to imagine I'd manage to accomplish more if
#My dep and anx wasn't this bad bc of my past... I hate how my mentality was wrecked before i even knew how to count to 100
#And sooo many years of my childhood just feeling bad and even suicidal (first time i mentioned wanting to die in my diary i was 10-11...)
#Just struggling so many years mentally and since i was so young i couldn't make the connection why i was feeling like it? Like the first
#Time i started considering why etc i was already like 16.... I didnt think it was weird to cry every single day as long as i can remember
#Now at 25 i am still a crybaby but i do it weekly instead. Its just so ... Weird and sad. You dont understand how serious something was
#That happened to you and how it affected you until youre almost an adult... And you start to understand that its not just all on you
#Its not just your fault youre struggling so much. Youre not just being lazy and difficult ... God Just wish someone protected me when
#It mattered . I know my past could have been worse i could have been treated a lot worse and abused more and still to this day it makes me
#Feel iffy or bad to claim i was abused? I mean... I was? But cant help to feel my trauma and experiences is not as serious as others
#Like i wasnt sexually abused for example or abused by my parents... And i know many have so i feel its not my ... Right to say anything ?
#Like my brothers mentally abused me for years and physically from time to time but it could be so much worse
#Idk where im going with this i need to go to my vourses instead im crying in the bathroom like stop
#Negative
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