#ALWAYS empathetic. always compassionate. always having to regulate my emotions when adults around me exploded in fury.

[petrichor-moss-and-lightning]

watching this clip again and thinking about girlhood and reflection and time and gender roles. like, i see my 7-year old niece, and it's gut-wrenching to watch her be pushed into the same eldest-daughter patterns of performance and forced perfection that i was as a kid, knowing what waits for her and yet not being able to save her.

#as a kid/teen i was forced into perfection -- top grades. constantly performing. constantly being responsible. no fuck ups EVER. #ALWAYS empathetic. always compassionate. always having to regulate my emotions when adults around me exploded in fury. #i could go on. but all this screwed with my self-perception and sense of self-worth + self-esteem for literal DECADES #so it's just absolutely gut-wrenching to see those same patterns played out again and again and again #and i don't know how to fix it #does this make sense? i'm rambling again. it's late and i'm tired but god is girlhood so heavy #disclaimer: i'm approaching this as a white middle class person in the global north so my perception is influenced by those privileges #experiences of girlhood are affected by intersecting identities of race/class/etc. so my pov is very limited in that regard #on girlhood #feminism