Marriage isn't just until you kinda don't like your spouse anymore. Marriage is forever, so unless you are willing to sacrifice yourself for your spouse and you are ready to become one, how about you don't get married? And also, let's use our brain when choosing a husband.
𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐓 #𝟑: Female Public Figures Dating Men with Questionable Views That Contradict Their Image & Alleged Politics
𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗖𝗟𝗔𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗥: These rant blog posts are really just reflective of my thoughts at the time that I make them and are posted here because I need an outlet to release all of this shit I have going on my busy ass mind. That’s it and that’s all. Now let’s get into it..
This rant was greatly inspired by none other than Ms. Robyn Rihanna “Tell Your Faves To Pull Up [in regards to social injustices directly affecting black people]” Fenty and her openly colorist boyfriend, A$AP Rocky. Aside from the fact that Rihanna tends to slip under the radar and is never held accountable for her problematic ways due to her conventional beauty (i.e. Her heavy usage of anti-Asian slurs, particularly targeted towards Chris Brown’s ex gf, Karrueche), it’s very alarming that a woman who has an entire makeup brand with a campaign based around the inclusivity of ALL black women is publicly flaunting a beau who once said that DSBW do not look good with red lipstick.
And yes, I’m very much aware that Rakim said this tasteless comment over 8 years ago but from the looks of it, not much has really changed with him. Don’t @ me about it neither because I don’t care.
Also peep how he compares a hypothetical darkskinned woman to a man (Wesley Snipes) while trying to explain how his antiblackness isn’t wrong because he said something about white women as well. Gaslighting at its finest. Don’t you just love it! 😀
Furthermore, you would think that somebody of Rihanna’s level of stature would know not to associate themselves with someone as messy as A$AP Rocky but... Stupid is what stupid does, I guess! I can’t even begin to place the blame on him anymore because he’s revealed his true colors and we all have made the deliberate choice to either accept it or don’t and have discontinued all support for him. Unfortunately, misogynoir is never the dealbreaker for most people and the hatred for [dark-skinned] black women is so engrained in society that it’s frowned upon when we publicly speak out against it. Very ass backwards if you ask me but that’s society for you. Now, enough about that. Let’s focus back on Ms. Vita La Coco.
As a woman who claims to be a girl’s girl and is always presenting herself to be someone who is the epitome of a pro-black feminist bad ass, it just makes her alleged activism come off so disingenuous when she’s also laying down with the same man that actively attacks the demographic she’s supposed to be standing in solidarity with. It’s “Black Lives Matter” on the IG posts but your vagina is getting moist for a man who openly stated he doesn’t relate to what goes on in Ferguson because he lives in Soho & Beverly Hills. Ferguson being the exact place where a 17-year-old black boy’s lifeless corpse laid on the hot concrete for FOUR hours after he was murdered by a police officer. He couldn’t 'relate' to the fate of so many black men, women, and children who are murdered or seriously injured from state-sanctioned violence because they’re poor and he is not or so he thought.
But then again, what can I really expect from a woman who identified as being “biracial” until as recent as roughly 6 years ago? What can I really expect from a woman who called Rachel Dolezal a ‘hero’ for cosplaying as a black woman? I’d be lying if I said my expectations for her were high in this regard because sis has always shown us she was lacking in this department. And just for the record, this is not a personal attack on Rihanna at all for the die-hard Navy stans in the back. I admire her latest fashions and bop my head to her music just like the next person but she’s getting the side-eye from me on this one.
Trust and believe me though, she’s not the only woman who I can call out for being a hypocrite. Of course not! This stone can be cast at a few others. So without further ado, why don’t we bring Ms. Kehlani Parrish to the front of the congregation? Prior to Kehlani’s recent declaration of identifying as a lesbian, her last public relationship with a man was with YG. Yes, the same YG who felt it was necessary to say him & Nipsey had ‘pretty light-skinned’ daughters to raise in the middle of his deceased friend’s memorial. By the way, Nipsey’s daughter is not even light (or at least not in my book anyways.) She’s a very deep caramel tone just like her father which makes what he said even more moronic. Yes, the same YG who thought it was clever idea to use slavery as an aesthetic for a music video to a diss track about 6ix9ine. And yes, also the same YG who has derogatory lyrics targeted at bisexual women. Just to end up sweating the red carpets with one. I swear the jokes just continue to write themselves.
This raises the question once more; How high of a pedestal can I really put a multiracial woman who has a song titled ‘N*ggas’ and when received backlash for the song in question, she used the ultimate ‘I’m mixed’ copout while not having a visibly black parent in sight?
It’s also kind of suspicious to me that many were not privy to Kehlani’s secret romance with Victoria Monét (pictured bottom right) until Victoria did an interview with Gay Times revealing she fell in love with a girl but they subsequently broke up because Victoria had a boyfriend and that girl was pregnant in a polyamorous relationship. Fans began to speculate because both Victoria & Kehlani previously candidly spoke about their sexual orientations, Kehlani had just had Adeya and they both were seemingly close. Their short-lived fling would later be confirmed when Victoria released the song ‘Touch Me’ on her last project and Kehlani hopped on the remix. Meanwhile, Kehlani’s relationship with Shaina (pictured bottom left) was very overt and all over her Instagram feed from my recollection. And as you can see, Shaina looks absolutely nothing like Victoria. They look like the complete opposite of eachother in every aspect which is kind of alarming(?) to say the least because why is it that the women she proudly claims as her partners tend to have a very racially ambiguous look such as herself but her ‘sneaky links’ on the other hand are undoubtedly black women? Again, it could just be me jumping conclusions. You know, I’m kinda good for that however something tells me I’m not. Y’all be the judge of the material though.
Last but not least, I’d like to touch on Ms. Raven Tracy very briefly. I was very weary about even including in this segment and if I should just put her in a entirely separate blog post with other women who openly date abusers despite their checkered past (alongside Nicki Minaj & her r*pist murderer of a husband, India Love & Sheck Wes etc.) being this particular blog post was based around the theme of lightskinned/mixed women dating men with extremely problematic views about DSBW. Raven obviously isn’t lightskinned or mixed however I refused to ignore how contradictory her [former] relationship with an alleged (I used this word very loosely and mainly for legality purposes.) serial r*pist while promoting a brand that is all about feminism & body positivity. This also traces back to A$AP Rocky by default being that Ian Connor is his very close friend and he came to Connor’s defense when several women came forward detailing accounts of Connor allegedly s*xually assaulting them. (I wish I could place the actual video of what A$AP Rocky said verbatim but Tumblr only allows one video per blog post. 🙄)
Back in June of this year, Ian & Raven had a back & forth on Twitter after Ian tweeted about Raven “fucking everybody” behind his back. I can only assume that he was alluding to Tori Brixx posting a video of her ex, Rich the Kid & Raven kissing on her story. Disgusted is not even the word to describe my feeling when she admitted she stuck by Ian despite of his many allegations of s*xual abuse because she loved him and her being a empath causes her to want to help everybody. Imagine aiding and abetting a predator and even paying for his bail & legal fees just to turn around and expect sympathy because this same individual cheated on you and exploited you all over Twitter for the public to see. The same man that you would get back with not even a WEEK after the fact & turn off your IG comments because it isn’t our “business” after making it our business...
That being said, I just genuinely want to know: Why do these women completely go against what they stand for in regards to these men? Maybe it was never genuine from jump street and if that’s the case, why jump on the bandwagon of performative activism? Is it because it’s profitable right now? Is it because disrespecting black women is not an immediate death sentence to your careers and more often than not actually helps you advance even further? I guess that’s the billion dollar question that’ll never truly be answered. I just want the world to stop using black women as their stepping stool to get to where they need to go and then discarding of us when we’re no longer beneficial. Support us all the way or don’t support us at all. We deal with enough disrespect as is so we’d appreciate if y’all would stop straddling the fence and partake in your misogynoir out loud if that’s what you choose to do. We have no use for fake allyship and quite frankly, it’s doing more harm for us than good. Please and thank you!
Tradition of Cross-Dressing: Cross-dressing is a common trope in British comedy & has been for centuries - there are a variety of forms with the trope including the pervy dude who dresses as a woman to access womens changing rooms. So men cross-dressing is a cultural norm here: they do it for fun & laughs. See Monthy Pythons 'Loretta' scene in Life of Brian - link in another of my comments up-thread. See also: The Two Ronnies, multiple Monty Python sketches, Mrs Browns Boys, Little Britain, The League of Gentlemen, and pantomime dames. So in the UK if a man or a boy puts on a dress, we don't immediately think "there must be a reason for this!". Plus we had a lot of gender bending in the 1970's, 1980's & 1990's popular culture: men in make up, with long hair, wearing skirts were common, as were women with short hair wearing suits - see Boy George, Annie Lennox & Bowie.
Gender Non-Conformity: Gender non-conformity is quite normal & accepted. I think a lot of this is rooted in women being conscripted to work in traditional male jobs during WW2 (eg. as engineers or in the land army) when all men that could be spared, were recruited to fight. Working class women have commonly failed to conform to a meek, helpless patriarchal version of femininity. And British women through history have worked to dismantle gender stereotypes as 'gender' was often offered up as a reason to limit our rights - so the concept had to be destroyed. Thus gender identity theory isn't a good fit with British culture, as gender stereotypes were never as rigourously enforced here & have been consistently challenged / critiqued. See also: cross-dressing
National Character: We have a national character which can be blunt & unpretentious (we call 'spade is a spade') with a DGAF attitude - particularly in the Midlands / North. We also have a tendancy towards piss-taking & we don't particularly like cheats or queue jumping - it's a national delusion of truth & justice (it's just not cricket). For all the talk of British manners, we can actually be quite forthright - we're very good at being very polite & 'civil' while telling people to 'fuck off' to thier faces. British people might not complain about things to your face, but we'll sure as hell go home & complain to EVERYONE we know about it. We've turned sarcasm & passive aggression into a cultural art form. We also seem to have a natural skepticism, resistance to authority & subconcious collectivism.
British Left: The British left is rooted in left wing, socialist, materialist philosophy & class analysis rather than liberalism. This means the that whole of the left in the UK didn't immediately capitulate to a liberal, idealist philosophy that elevates subjective individial feelings over objective collective material reality. Our long history of class analysis & strong leftwing philosophical tradition gave us a powerful basis from which to resist gender identity ideology.
British Feminism: There is a strong history of feminist thinking, activism & networking, & of feminst participation in the union movement & in left wing & LGB campaigning. This mean British women activists had a lot of experience in debating, public speaking, organising, awareness raising & delivering material political change in the UK - this made it easier for women to quickly build organisations & networks, set up programmes of talks, work politicians, etc in response to proposed changes to the GRA. Compare this to the UK TRAs whose main orgainising seems to be around hidden politcal agendas, counter protests, social media echo-chambers, de-platforming & colonisation fo established spaces, etc.
Secular: We're not divided politically by religion. We're quite a secular society - so getting us to collectively accept that people have 'gendered souls' was going to be a struggle b/c you'd need to get us believe in the idea of souls first. Our lack of a Christian right also means we don't have religiously enforced homophobia so much here. And gay & lesbian people are part of our cultural history (even though we treated them like shit). Much of the resistance in the UK is coming from feminists, the left, & gay & lesbian people, and the lack of a Christian right means it's harder to smear British left-wing feminists as right-wing religious conservatives, or to denounce one of the founders of Stonewall as "homophobic".
Long History of Civil Rights: We've been fighting over civil rights for centuries - we know a genuine civil rights movement when we see one, & we know a demand for privilege when we see one. See also: we call a spade a spade & sense of justice.
British Womens Culture: It's almost like a 'culture within a culture': my Mum has a saying 'your son is your son until he gets a wife, your daughter is your daughter until the end of your life'. And it's true - there is quite a strong female bond in the UK. I saw it through the female lines in my family with my great aunts, grandmothers & aunts; the women will take on the men in defence of each other - I've seen my 70 year old mother take my 42 year old brother to task in defense of my SIL. She just wouldn't tolerate that kind of shit from him.
Which relates to another aspect of traditional British female culture: the 'battle-axe' - these are older, formidable women who are fierce, determined & take no shit. They're a common trope in British TV (eg. Nora Batty, Ena Sharples) and used to command respect & awe in the British working class. They're not as common these days due to changing social structures, but powerful, courageous women who take no shit are a cultural norm. My maternal great aunt was a battle-axe: she was brilliant & an inspiration.
Country Size, Legal/Political Structure & Population Density: We're quite a small country with a high population density: we have collective experiences as a country & our laws (& power) are very centralised (apart from the devolved powers). This means that you can't really miss the main national issues, as they impact everyone - it's not something remote happening in a state or province on the other side of a large nation. Living cheek by jowel, & having a smaller population than some other countries means that less people have to hear about something for it to become a hot topic, news & ideas spread faster, & you can peak half the women in the country much more quickly as fewer people have to hear about it.
Some sociologists theorize that male-dominated gender hierarchies arose in cultures that predominantly used the plow in their agricultural practices. Using a plow requires greater upper body strength, and since men are more likely to have greater upper body strength than women, men controlled the means of food production, and thus took over the dominant roles in those societies. In plow societies, wealth/plenty was associated with capital (you have to have the animal to pull the plow and more land to work).
In societies where agriculture was based on tools like the hoe or digging stick, which does not require a great deal of upper body strength, gender roles were more likely to be equal. In these societies, food production required everybody to chip in, so the society was more egalitarian in general. Also, these societies’ agricultural practices required more weeding, which was often done by women and children, and work could be stopped and started more, allowing women time to take a break and breastfeed.
Очень давно хотела поднять тему самоповреждения, да всё не решалась.
И вот этот момент настал! Давайте поговорим о селфхарме. Предлагаю начать с определения: а что это, собственно, такое, этот ваш селфхарм?
Селфхарм, или самоповреждение-это преднамеренное нанесение вреда своему телу, своему организму; по внутренним причинам, но без суицидальных намерений(так даже википедия говорит).
Первое, что приходит в голову большинству людей, это порезы. И да, действительно, порезы-очередной и весьма распространённый вариант селфхарма.
Что вообще относится к селфхарму?
порезы и уколы;
ожоги и контакт с горячими предметами;
прыжки с высоты;
отказ от пищи или воды;
навязчивое расцарапыварие кожи, выдёргивание волос, травмирование ногтевой пластины и пространства под ней;
травмирование слизистой носа и ушной раковины...
...и многое-многое другое.
Почему мы вредим себе?
Потому что больны(ПРЛ, депрессивное расстройство, тревожное расстройство, РПП, шизофрения и так далее).
Потому что у нас депрессия, тревога, суицидальность.
Потому что с детства нам запрещали выражать свои чувства и эмоции.
Потому что мы пережили насилие.
Потому что видели насилие(например, на войне).
Потому что родители были жестоки по отношению к нам.
Потому что нас не принимает общество(ЛГБТ) и потому что общество давит на нас(женщины)...
...и многое-многое другое.
Зачем мы это делаем?
У каждого свои причины. Кто-то наказывает себя("не буду есть, потому что не сдала экзамен"), кто-то таким образом старается уменьшить свою душевную боль. А для кого-то самоповреждение это способ уменьшить внутреннее напряжение.
У каждого из нас в голове работает сложный механизм. И селфхарм-это далеко не всегда про выбор. Далеко не всегда мы можем полностью контролировать себя. Иногда действия происходят на автомате. И очень часто пребуется помощь специалистки(психотерапевтки или психиатрки, в зависимости от характера и причины).
Что ещё можно сказать про самоповреждение?
Что это не стыдно.
Что над этим ни в коем случае нельзя смеяться.
Что ты(именно ты, да)-нечто большее, чем шрамы от порезов или следы от ожогов. Самоповреждение не определяет тебя как личность.
Что я прекрасно понимаю тебя, поддерживаю и горжусь тем, какая(-ой) ты сильная.
Цветочек, потому что вы прекрасны.
Я хочу потихоньку раскрывать эту тему, если вы не против, потому что она очень актуальна и важна для меня. И, думаю, это может быть полезно или хотя бы интересно для кого-нибудь из вас.
yu hong is a contemporary mixed-medium chinese artist whose work generally focuses on women's roles in contemporary society. her art has been said to be evocative of the traditional chinese brush and ink style. more on her life from the east asian art program at harvard
grey portrait (1989)
witness to growth (1996)
me at the party (2003)
spontaneous motion 1 (2010)
a rising gale sweeps the clouds across the sky (2015)