#And then I get hope and I tjink things can change and then i am forced to remember what happens when I dare to think such dumb shit

[bellflower-goat]

anyways fucking. fucking hell

#Dear fuck why is this shit so hard #Who cares if I say it once in the notes of a post noone will read anyways #just. fucking hell people aren't lying when they say that this age is the fucking worst to live in #I just wanna hope that things will get better I am gripping that promise so so hard rn #I'm just so goddamn tired and. just. #At least when I'm older I'll have the possibility to dissappear and never hear or talk or deal with these people ever again #Just. fucking god this is hard #and everyone says to keep going caus things will get better. I don't have any hope anymore but I guess I just gotta keep going #And I wanna make a big deal out of everything and make so many people hurt with that one permanent desition but I know it aint #worth it and stuff. just fucking hell. #was it so hard to ask to live somewhere safe. I just want to worry abt normal things #I dont wnat to have to do things that don't suit me I shouldn't be doing any of this I should just worry abt. #who fucking knows. I should be able to just worry about dumb internet drama and using soci.al media too much or whatever #But I can't worry about that that's just not how it works #And I remember that maybe I could have a nice life where. where I get to breathe for once and I get to be happy and taken care of #And then I get hope and I tjink things can change and then i am forced to remember what happens when I dare to think such dumb shit #things won't change. at least not now. no hope just gotta endure this shit and wait till I am old enough to just. get out of here and never #Look back and stuff. #maybe I'll get to do that.and I'll be happy and everything will be alright #It's hard to imagine that will happen. Most likely won't. but I dont know #And here I am. I should be saying this to my the.rapist or some shit but instead I'm venting on a tumblr blog just. #I should probably go to sleep #just. How naive of me to think that things would have gotten better. #And a part of me thinks it's stupid to say this shit here like it feels like I'm just doing this for attention or some shit and I dunno #Maybe I am doing it for attention. hoping that someone will read this dumb little cry for help and at least tell me that I'll be alright #but I know that won't happen but still I do this. just in case